20 Ways to Talk to Women and Make It AMAZING
Tuesday, 4 December 2012
Lately we've had a number of readers asking about more ways to talk to women and keep the conversation going. Here's JFav, answering the question of what he'd like to see in the new forum's bonus book:
“Love to see something on keeping the conversation going. Some strategies a newbie could possibly use to deep dive.”
Wanting to know more about conversation, particularly for newer guys.
And on the recent article about how to pick up girls shopping, Maxz commented:
“Hey Chase, another rocking article.
Question for you man, I have been having problems on the conversational aspect of the game lately. When you talk about deep diving and all, is it all about asking girls qestions about themselves? I can't seem to truly crack this nut. Some of the girls I have talked to lately, we usually just end up in strange silences at some point in the conversation. What kind of easy probing questions will you suggest to carry on these conversations?
Thanks Chase, love every single lessons on here.”
I referred Maxz to a few articles to help him get his bearings, but I realize that a lot of guys need a more basic layout of how to talk to women properly than is laid out in the article on deep diving or being a conversationalist.
So, today's article has been put together to be exactly that:
talking to women for beginners (with a few neat tips thrown in here and
there to spice things up for the old pros), broken down into four
lessons with five points each - a total of 20 ways to talk to women and
make it go swimmingly.
Let's dive in.
Most newer guys make the mistake of getting into conversation with women... and then boring them.
Seems obvious, right? If you want to get somewhere with a girl... don't bore her!
Everybody knows that! And yet... men keep boring women anyway. Why?
The reason why, of course, is that the things most men think women want to hear often are not what they actually want to hear.
If you had to name the most interesting topics to a woman, what would you name?
Some guys would say:
Some guys would say:
- Pop culture
Either of those sound right to you?
The fact is, some women like some of those things... but if you start going on and on about them at random, chances are you'll spend a lot of time talking about things any particular girl finds tedious!
That brings us to the first of our 20 ways to making talking to women amazing:
#1: Find Out What She's Interested in FIRST
Imagine you met a girl who'd just read in the latest edition of Cosmopolitan that men are all really fascinated by:
- Video games
- Stock trading
Now, armed with this valuable information, this otherwise attractive girl busts out her newfound knowledge in a conversation with you, droning on and on about guns and stock trading, or video games and golf. Sure, some of that you might find interesting... but the rest of it makes you want to go jump off a bridge!
Before you launch into any longwinded stories, tales, or monologues about any topic in particular, find out if the woman you're talking with finds the topic interesting first.
Here's an easy way to do that: simply ask her,
“Hey, do you ever follow what the celebrities are doing?”
... and you'll know whether you've got the green light, or whether you need to change directions and head down another side street.
#2: If She Doesn't Like It... Ask Her What She DOES Like
So how do you know if a
girl's interested in what you're about to talk about with her, and what
do you say if she isn't interested?
If she says, "Yeah, sometimes," but isn't that interested, it's time to reverse course and talk about something else. If she says, "Are you kidding? I practically know half of Hollywood's addresses and middle names!" then you've got a winner.
Now, when she isn't interested, you conversation will look like this:
You: Do you ever travel, or want to travel?
Her: No, I totally should, but I just never seem to get around to it.
You: That's cool. So what do you do to get new stimulation in your life so it isn't the same old thing all the time?
She's saying travel doesn't interest her, which means that amazing travel story you were just about to tell her is going to bore her to tears. Instead, you changed the question to ask her what she does do to get new things into her life.
What you do there is frame the question so that she feels uncool if she doesn't have a good answer.
If you ask her, "What do you do for fun?" she can sound cool and defiant and rebellious by saying,
- "Oh, I just work all the time," or,
- "I don't really have fun."
But if you ask her, "How do you expand your horizons?" or, "How do you keep life from getting too stale?" she has to come up with some kind of answer to not look lame.
By phrasing things this way, you compel her to want to invest more in the conversation, and show you why she's someone worth getting to know.
#3: Don't Stay on a Topic That's "Jumped the Shark"
There's a phrase in television known as "jumping the shark." It refers to an episode of the old TV show Happy Days, when Fonzie jumped over a shark while waterskiing, and the show was never that good after that. They should've ended it, but it just kept going.
I talked about this a long time ago in the article, "Don't
Get Hung Up on Topics,"
about recognizing when a conversation topic has "jumped the shark" and when it's time to get off of it.
The gist of it is, when someone doesn't understand, or relate, or like a topic you've brought up... drop it.
How do you know if you're beating a dead horse conversationally? If the communication isn't substantial. Take a look at this example:
You: Hey, did you see the latest summer blockbuster movie?
Her: I did; it was great.
You: Yeah. I really liked how they blew a lot of stuff up in it.
Her: Some pretty good special effects there.
You: And the story was surprisingly good, didn't you think?
Her: Yeah... usually those things have pretty simple stories.
You: I know! But it was just so intense!
What's wrong with that conversation? The following things:
- It's impersonal (it's not about her or you; it's about some other
- It's superficial (not diving into anything thought provoking
about the film)
- It's refusing to die as a topic, long after it should have (and
why'd you bring it up, anyway?)
When you stay on a "dead" topic, and the girl stays on it, it quickly begins to feel like the two of you have nothing to talk about.
And at that point, she'll want to exit the conversation. So - change topics.
#4: Don't Brag, Showboat, or
"Pump Your Value"
Everyone knows that women don't like guys who brag about themselves. And everyone knows that trying to impress women is a waste of time and counterproductive.
So, what everyone else does instead is he tries to "pump his value," by indirectly making himself look as valuable as possible.
Only problem is, most of the things men do to do this are far too obvious to women, and simply come across as - you guessed it! - bragging, impressing, and showboating.
Why's it bad to brag, impress, showboat? It's bad because:
If she already sees you as desirable, bragging pushes her away, making her feel that you are increasingly out of her league and outside her reach, plunging her into auto-rejection
If she doesn't yet see you as desirable, or views herself as more experienced / aware / in-control than you are and isn't taking you seriously, bragging makes her feel even more experienced / aware / in-control, as she watches you race to try and impress her (to no avail)
What should you do instead to make women value you more?
Focus on your fundamentals. Trying to "talk your way" into being impressive at the last moment (when you're actually talking with her) instead of actually doing the groundwork to go and be impressive beforehand (by working on your fundamentals) is transparent - women see right through it. Talk is cheap - she's far more interested in who you appear to be, how you conduct yourself, and how you come across, than in the words coming out of your mouth.
Fundamentals include things like:
- Your walk
- Your voice
- Your eye contact
- Your charisma
- Your movements
- Your facial expressions
- Your sexual vibe
... get those down and you won't have to worry about trying too hard to be impressive.
But if you're there with a girl, and you don't want to bore her with bragging, how do you show her what an attractive guy you are, then?
#5: Get Her Doing Most of the Talking
When you get a woman doing most of the talking, guess what? She ends up talking about the things she enjoys most.
That is, provided of course, that you are actively listening and are feeding her conversation back to her, and you are asking her the right questions to get her talking more and opening up more. Talking to women isn't so much about talking to women as it is about getting women to talk to you.
The more she's talking, for the most part, the more interesting she's finding and will continue to find the conversation. That's the secret of making conversation interesting for a woman... get her talking.
But how do you get her talking, exactly?
Since Girls Chase launched in 2008, much of the focus here has been on getting women to talk. Some of the past articles here that have dealt with the subject include:
- Secrets to Getting Girls: The Art of the Deep Dive
Broken: Big Mistakes That Shred Conversation
- How to Talk to Girls and Make Them Want You
- The Conversationalist
There's even a post on here entirely devoted to providing you with a conversation example so you can see how a normal conversation of this sort gets carried out early into the interaction.
Here, I'll sum up a lot of the important points about getting women to talk in the first place, and add a few new pieces in that will help you solidify this in your mind.
#6: Make Your Interest Clear (or Implied)
Most men have the impression of women as being eminently emotional, and while that is somewhat true, women are also eminently something else, too: they're eminently practical.
The first thing a woman asks herself whenever she ends up in a conversation is, "WHY am I talking to this man?"
And if she can't come up with a good reason, she excuses herself fast.
In fact, one of the biggest problems men new to cold approach run into - one that mystifies them, boils their blood, and causes untold volumes of frustration and hair-pulling - is a direct effect of this: women leaving to go find their friends, go to the bathroom, get back to work, or go back to school.
Women excusing themselves is less often a rejection than many men think it is. Much of the time, when a woman excuses herself, it's simply because she doesn't know what the point of the conversation is or where it's supposed to be going.
This is why I continually harp on using
... and making sure that even if you use indirect game, that it's never true indirect.
And here's why.
Imagine you're sitting in a cafeteria eating your lunch, when some jolly, cheerful guy comes over and grabs a seat next to you. "Hello friend!" he declares. "Fine day we're having here!"
"Yeah, sure is," you respond, wondering what this guy wants.
"Hey, how's that sandwich?" he asks.
"Uh, it's great," you reply between bites.
"Sure looks good," he says. "Have you ever tried the ham and cheese?"
"Yeah," you say.
"That one's my favorite," he says to you. "So what do you do during the day that you ended up over here for lunch?" he continues.
"Um, I've got to go get back to work," you say, getting up with your tray to go throw away your leftovers. "It was great to meet you."
"Great meeting you too!" he proclaims.
What'd that guy want? You have no idea. You just know it was weird, and awkward, and you wanted to get out of there.
Many newer guys do this SAME thing to women, making women wonder why the heck they're talking to them, making those women feel awkward, and making those women eventually leave. Never make her wonder what your intentions are about; make it clear, one way or the other.
Open her direct, or be sexy and flirt with her.
#7: Ask Interesting Questions
You can't always do this one, but you'll find that the more you try to, the better able you are to as your abilities with women progress.
There are precisely three ways to make your questions more interesting:
- Make the topic interesting
- Make the topic curiosity-inspiring
- Make the wording interesting
Let's talk about the first one first.
Interesting topic -
“Tell me how you got involved in modeling in the beginning.”
Asking someone about the origins of something she's doing is always interesting to her, because it gives her a chance to tell her stories. People love to tell the stories of how they came to be doing something or how they arrived somewhere - it helps them to emotionally connect with others, and helps them to feel more related.
Here's another interesting topic -
“If you could do anything else - absolutely anything - with your time and get paid the same as you are now, what would it be?”
Asking someone what she'd do if she didn't have to worry about not
getting paid for it can lead you into all manner of avenues
conversationally, with women talking about passions, goals, and dreams
they've shared with few other people.
#8: Ask Curiosity-Inspiring
A curiosity-inspiring topic makes a woman wonder what you're getting at, and causes her to answer in a form of mild confusion, which ups her intrigue. You must deliver on the promise of a curious question, however... or else it's a let down.
Here's an example:
“Let me ask you this: would you ever date a football player?”
The instant you ask her something strange or different, she's going to wonder where it's going. A lot of the old pickup routines took this route, and I'd advise you to learn to make this kind of conversation naturally without relying on scripts.
Because in fact, you can learn to ask curious questions yourself, then lead them somewhere interesting. If a girl tells you she'd date a football player and then you simply respond that you were just curious, it's a let down. But if you tell her based on her answer you can now tell her something about her personality - and then do - well, now it's interesting!
Here's another example you can use when talking to women:
“Have you ever thought about just picking up and leaving it all behind and running off to some foreign city or country you've never been to before for good?”
What a question like this does is that it puts her into the mindset of imagining she's doing this wild, crazy thing you're telling her about. She's picturing herself leaving her whole life behind, and running off on some uncharted adventure elsewhere in the world. This is something the majority of individuals will never have the courage to do... but the majority of individuals always wish they could.
By giving her the fantasy, you allow her to feel more free around
you, and begin to open up about her dreams. You can also build some
intrigue here - phrased this way, she almost expects you're going to
ask her to runaway with you. If you never tell her why you asked, you
allow her to continue to wonder, and fantasize.
#9: Ask a Question That Has
Use interesting and colorful wording, it makes even your mundane questions seem a bit more extraordinary. An example of interesting wording -
“What sort of employment do you hold, young lady?”
You can make ordinary questions sound a lot more interesting, and bring a lot more liveliness to a conversation, with a few interesting word choices.
Seek to use colorful language. By so doing, you animate your speech - and make women find the questions more interesting, and you more interesting too.
One more example:
“Where do you hail from? Faraway lands, or are you a native to these parts?”
Obviously, you'll want your delivery to be totally normal and
natural, not sounding like you're doing the voiceover for a
high-fantasy epic adventure movie, or that just makes it sound
Instead, have normal tones... with perhaps a hint of playfulness... and ask your
#10: Be Mildly Bored
We've talked about being a little bored on here before several times, most notably in the article on the bored look. But it bears repeating here, I think, that when you're talking to women, you want to come across as mildly bored.
Imagine Brad Pitt or George Clooney talking to a woman. Think of the expression on their faces. Mild amusement, mild boredom. They've done this a million times before already. That's the look you want.
Here's an interview with Brad Pitt that shows the difference in facial expressions pretty well - watch it with an eye on both A) how he looks in the movie at the start of the clip (bored, mildly amused, in-charge and on his own turf) and B) how he looks in the interview (alert, explanatory, pitching on someone else's turf) - you don't need to watch the whole thing, just the first minute or so -
Note the difference in facial expressions and nonverbal communication - in the movie he's laid back, his movements are slower, his smile is smaller and more mild amusement; in the interview he's upright, leaning in, his movements are quicker, his smile is broader and more aiming to please.
Most guys when talking to women are more like Brad Pitt in the interview than Brad Pitt in the movie. Brad Pitt in the interview makes people want to sit back and let him do the work of trying to be impressive. Brad Pitt in the movie makes you want to go on alert and try to please and spit it all out to impress him.
Be Brad Pitt in the movie, and women will want to talk volumes to you.
By this point, you've got the basic parts of talking to women down: you know how to avoid being boring, and you know how to get a woman talking. But what if you want to talk to women for longer than a couple of minutes? How do you keep them talking?
Let's go through our next five points.
#11: Deep Dive Every Good Topic
Most inexperienced men's conversations with women look like this:
Guy: Where are you from?
Girl: I'm from X. Where are YOU from?
Guy: I'm from Y.
Guy: So how do you spend your time?
Girl: I don't know, some A, a little B. You?
Not only does that violate our Lesson #1 and give women totally boring conversation that makes them want to run for the hills, but it ALSO throws away opportunities she's giving you on a silver platter to keep her talking and really get to know her well.
Instead, for every good topic you land on - and by "good topic," I mean a topic that's integral to her life and important to her, such as:
... for every one of those, you can dive much deeper with only a small set of questions. These include:
"How long have you been doing that for?"
"How do you like it?"
"Do you think you'll [get promoted / move up / open your own business / master that hobby or art]?"
"If you don't like it that much, why are you still doing it?"
"How'd you get into it if you don't like it?"
"Think you'll do it forever?"
"What's stopping you from doing it?"
Each of these questions gets you deeper into finding out more about her - and keeps her talking more.
#12: Permit Her No Excuses
When you meet women who are more confident / social / experienced with men, they tend to be resistant to probing like this. They've brushed off many men trying to get to know them better before... why should they open themselves up to you?
This is where you'll get women try to joke something away, like when you ask her if she doesn't like her job why's she still doing it? and she tells you, "Well, everybody's got to eat, right?"
A lot of guys say, "Yeah, that's true," here, and drop the subject.
You don't want to do that though, because her trying to brush it off is an excellent opportunity for you to show her you know more about human nature - and more about her - than she herself does.
Instead, make your conversation look like this:
You: How long've you lived here?
Her: Pretty much all my life; I'm a lifer.
You: So I guess this is the town for you then, huh?
Her: Well, I'd like to live somewhere else, but never got around to it.
You: Why not?
Her: Too many obligations... life just creeps up on you.
You: Eh, life's a short ride on a big rock and then it's done. In a hundred years, nobody who knows anything about your life is going to care about your obligations... the only thing they'll care about was how interesting was your life, and did you really do what you really wanted to do.
Her: That's true.
You don't have to go into a mini-speech like that if you don't want to. You can always just change direction on the topic, like what we discussed in #3.
But if you've got a perspective that's going to make her think - if you're able to point a lens at her and say, "You're not living the life you wish you could be," you will attract her, mesmerize her, and inspire her to really open up and tell you all about herself.
#13: Provide Feedback
Throughout your conversation, you'd be well advised to provide feedback to show that you're paying attention and relating.
Just little remarks like
- "Oh I see."
- "That's crazy."
- "How'd you get through that?"
- "That's pretty remarkable."
- "I'm surprised you hung in there that long."
... and others like those are all you need. These offer encouragement to her to keep talking, and keep going with the topic.
You can also elect to simply give her intensely focused eye contact without providing feedback... this
increases sexual tension and leads to her
needing something to break the ice, however. You'll
usually want to use humor for this, though if you're somewhere private
you can escalate physically with her then.
#14: Turn It Back to Her
This is the opposite side of the coin of #4 (not bragging or showboating). Most men get asked a question about themselves, and they turn into Brad Pitt in that interview above - it's time to expound! Time to show my value! The pleasing smile spreads across their faces, they come alive, and go into tales about their glory and triumphs.
When you get asked something about yourself, your main concern should not be "Let me see how impressive I can be," but rather, "Let me see how I soon I can get us back to her talking again." The object isn't for you to show off - it's to let her show off.
One of you is always showing off, and the other is always assessing, judging, and weighing. Better to be the judge than the judged, when it comes to seduction.
Your conversations then will look like this:
Her: ... but anyway, that's me! What do YOU do for fun?
You: Me? My life's so BORing, I hardly do anything for fun. I just work all the time. You said you like playing billiards... are you any good?
Her: I'm not bad. Well if you work all the time, what are you working on?
You: I'm a sculptor; I make statues. But it's not as exciting as it sounds, it's really just sitting in front of a block of granite all day with a chisel in your hands.
Her: Wow, that's so cool!
You: Do you do anything artistic?
Her: I don't, but I've always wanted to be an artist! When I was little, I...
Notice how first you turn it back by returning to something she mentioned in passing earlier; but, she doesn't want to talk about that (there might not be anything interesting to say there), so you ditch that topic (don't get hung up on topics) and instead ask her if she's done anything artistic (since you were just on the topic of your artistic pursuits, and she found them fascinating... now you'll give her a chance to talk about this thing she finds so fascinating).
Continually turning the conversation back to the girl allows her to keep talking about what she wants to talk about, which makes the conversation fascinating for her.
#15: Return to Open Threads
As you talk to women, multiple conversational threads will be opened and often not be finished. For instance, a girl you're speaking with mentions she eats a carton of yogurt everyday, and plays badminton, and hosts her own celebrity gossip website. You get to talking about the website, and yogurt and badminton go unexplored as topics.
Well, it takes a little exposure to enough conversations, but after a while you begin retaining a lot of this as you talk, and you can return to open threads like this to finish them out if and when you need something else to talk about.
e.g., "So what was this you were mentioning earlier about eating a carton of yogurt a day? Is that even healthy?" or, "Now, you told me you were in, like, the badminton Olympics or something, right?" and she'll laugh and tell you yes it's perfectly healthy or no, she just plays badminton for fun, and you'll be off talking about something else again.
It's all well and good for you to get her talking a lot, but if she isn't also interested in you, she'll be a lot more excited about this great new friend she's made than this potential new lover.
You need her not only excited to be talking to you, but excited about you, and wanting to know more.
And the way you get that is by arousing her interest in you.
#16: Employ Baiting
I got excoriated for divulging this technique by a female commenter back in the day (I don't allow those kinds of comments on the site anymore, but at the time I allowed it so I didn't take it down), although I think she more disagreed with the name of the technique than the actual technique itself.
In any event, the technique in question is one I call "baiting," and what it's about is giving pieces of information when asked that somewhat satisfy a question while leading to more questions (and thus, more curiosity, intrigue, and interest).
Here's how most men are in conversation:
Her: So what do you do for fun?
You: Most of my free time I spend bodybuilding.
Her: Oh cool, so you're a weightlifter.
You: Yeah, I do mostly free weights, but some machines, 5 days a week. Pretty intense workout schedule, but it's why I've got the body I do.
Her: That's cool.
At this point, you've already answered any questions she could've asked, there's no intrigue or mystery about you, and the conversation continues on... decidedly un-romantic feeling.
Here's how it goes if you use baiting though:
Her: So what do you do for fun?
You: I bodybuild, mostly.
Her: Oh cool, like a lot?
You: Yeah, pretty often.
Her: Like, every day, or some days, or what?
You: Normally every weekday. I have a schedule I follow pretty closely to for getting maximal results.
Her: Wow, yeah, I can tell you're in pretty good shape. How long have you been working out for?
Because she's having to work for this information, she actually finds you a LOT more interesting! It's actually funny how it works.
Rather than just "spilling the beans" and telling her everything you do the instant she asks you the slightest question about it, give her a little bit, and if she's interested she'll ask more. If she isn't, then good - you haven't wasted your or her time on a topic that'd bore her. Now you can go find one you'll both find more interesting.
#17: Understate Yourself and
Ever read the book The Great Gatsby? I wasn't a big fan of the story of the book when I read it back in high school - some guy chasing after some girl he liked in the past now that he'd "made it" - he could have any woman he wanted, why chase after one who'd moved on and chosen someone else? - but I was fascinated by the difference between "old money" and "new money."
New money flashes its wealth about. It hasn't learned how to "use it" properly yet. Old money, though... it lives well, often better than new money, but it does so with style, taste, and understatement.
The way you show value and present
yourself to women is exactly like the difference between old money and
Guys who are naturally good with women are "old money":
- They're chill,
- They don't make a big deal about it, and
- They pick up women left and right.
Guys who are only just beginning to realize their newfound power with women tend to be "new money":
- They're excited,
- They brag (or imply heavy-handedly), and
- They aren't nearly as successful as they want women to think they are.
What happens is that women read men very quickly on how understated (or not) they are about their value, and box men into, essentially, three categories:
- Guy with no value (no money)
- Guy trying too hard (new money)
- Guy who lays back and enjoys his success and doesn't make a big deal about it (old money)
New money is fleeting - look at how many first-generation celebrities (actors, sports stars, entrepreneurs) end up right where they started, dead broke and penniless, mere years or a decade after being wealthy beyond their wildest past expectations.
But old money... that's safe, normally. When you grow up in money, you're usually taught how to use it right, too.
It's the same with men - a woman knows that if a man is excited and "new money" about his value, there's a good chance that's fleeting, or just a show. But when a man is understated, she assumes, he's been successful for a while... he is tried and tested by time and has come out a winner.
What's this mean? It means, employ humbleness as much as you can. Seek to downplay your accomplishments. When a woman says, "Wow, you're really good at..." tell her, "Nah, I just worked at it long enough," or, "No, I just got lucky."
She'll know that's not the truth - and she'll value you more for the understatement.
#18: Don't Mention Anything "High Value" Unless Asked
Most men are in such a rush to spew out the things that are valuable about themselves when they talk to women that they never bother to think of timing or placement.
But what's more impressive to you, the girl who comes out and tells you in the middle of nowhere, "I'm a model!" at the start of your conversation... or the girl you talk to for 10 minutes, and don't find out she's a model until you really start digging into her life story?
It's the second one, isn't it? She blows you away!
Why's it have such a profound effect for you to NOT finding something out until you dig for it?
The reason is this: the questioner has no clue how much more value is lying there under the surface.
Someone who comes out and tells you that she's a:
- Rhodes scholar
- Business owner
within the first five minutes of conversation is clearly an impressive individual, no matter how you slice it. But once you know those things, you can pretty safely assume you know the most important and impressive things about her. You've got a read on her now.
But someone you don't find those things out until various points in the conversation and after lots of digging... wow, how much more is there to find out? You simply DON'T know.
And the fact that she hasn't gone out of her way to bring those things out to try and impress you is even more impressive. She has no need to impress. She COULD have pulled them out on you earlier... but she didn't even think to, or bother to. Now THAT's impressive.
And you want to be equally impressive with the women you meet, too. It goes hand-in-hand with baiting and old money - use the baiting to help her discover these gems about you that you've got hidden, and the old money mentality to keep them understated before they're discovered - and even after.
#19: Use Lots of Pauses
Pauses are masterfully powerful when you talk to women because they keep women hanging on, waiting and wondering what you're about to say. Pauses communicate the following things about you:
- You're calm
- You're confident
- You're in control
- You have no need to rush or be impressive
When a man uses pauses when speaking with her, a woman instantly finds him more intriguing - it is a kind of biological "switch" programmed into her to instantly assess him as being a more dominant man, and thus a more attractive and interesting one.
Eric talked some about mixing long pauses in with very long stares in his post on efficient seduction, including giving some conversational examples of how you'd work these in, and you can also use pauses simply to give you a moment to think or flesh out a thought. Pauses add a lot of dramatic effect, and cause people to really pay attention to what you're saying (or about to say). They give the sense that something important is about to come - and, try not to disappoint.
#20: Get Investment
Last but not least is investment. Getting women to invest creates a feedback loop in their brains; a woman assumes that if she's putting time and effort into being with you like this, then she must like you, of course... else, why would she do it?!
Investment takes all forms, and can stretch from things as simple and basic as:
- Having her show you a piece of jewelry or clothing item she has on
- Moving a girl even a few feet to somewhere more comfortable / convenient
- Having her give you her hand to say hello, then holding on for a moment
- Having her qualify herself to you in a conversation
... all the way up to more major forms of investment mid-interaction, like:
- Radically changing her views to match yours
- Breaking a "rule" of hers (stay near her friends; no kissing; etc.)
- Leaving to get you a drink or food and bringing it back
- Changing her schedule (cancelling an appointment, etc.) to stay with you
Investment and interest go both ways - the more interested in you she is, the more she'll invest in you, and the more she invests in you, the more interested in you she'll become.
Therefore, the further into an interaction you get, generally speaking, the easier it is to get more investment - though, you can get investment, sometimes major investment, right from the beginning of a conversation much of the time, if you simply try.
20 Ways to Talk to Women
... and there you have it; 20 ways to talk to women and make it amazing.
Hopefully this helps out the guys who had questions in the comment sections of the posts, and a lot of the newer guys who are just starting out with lots of questions about talking and conversing. And, here's hoping there were a few tidbits in here that were insightful for some of the guys who've already been around the block a few times as well.
Talking to women is one of those things that seems pretty complicated, but it's really just a series of little rules you pick up here and there, get down, and then pick up a few more rules, until eventually you get enough of those down that you don't even think about them anymore and you just do what you want. It's like playing a game that you know very well - eventually, you feel like you can do anything, because you know all the different paths to winning so well that it stops being all that hard.
Start using these 20 tips, if you aren't already, and you'll find that before long, you don't even have to think about them anymore.
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