20 Ways to Talk to Women and Make It AMAZING


Lately we've had a number of readers asking about more ways to talk to women and keep the conversation going. Here's JFav, answering the question of what he'd like to see in the new forum's bonus book:

Love to see something on keeping the conversation going. Some strategies a newbie could possibly use to deep dive.

Wanting to know more about conversation, particularly for newer guys.

talk to women

And on the recent article about how to pick up girls shopping, Maxz commented:

Hey Chase, another rocking article.

Question for you man, I have been having problems on the conversational aspect of the game lately. When you talk about deep diving and all, is it all about asking girls qestions about themselves? I can't seem to truly crack this nut. Some of the girls I have talked to lately, we usually just end up in strange silences at some point in the conversation. What kind of easy probing questions will you suggest to carry on these conversations?

Thanks Chase, love every single lessons on here.

I referred Maxz to a few articles to help him get his bearings, but I realize that a lot of guys need a more basic layout of how to talk to women properly than is laid out in the article on deep diving or being a conversationalist.

So, today's article has been put together to be exactly that: talking to women for beginners (with a few neat tips thrown in here and there to spice things up for the old pros), broken down into four lessons with five points each - a total of 20 ways to talk to women and make it go swimmingly.

Let's dive in.


talk to women

Most newer guys make the mistake of getting into conversation with women... and then boring them.

Seems obvious, right? If you want to get somewhere with a girl... don't bore her!

Everybody knows that! And yet... men keep boring women anyway. Why?

The reason why, of course, is that the things most men think women want to hear often are not what they actually want to hear.

If you had to name the most interesting topics to a woman, what would you name?

Some guys would say:

  • Travel
  • Excitement
  • Danger
  • Sex
  • Parties
  • Drama

Some guys would say:

  • Pop culture
  • Music
  • Celebrities
  • Fashion
  • Friends
  • Gossip

Either of those sound right to you?

The fact is, some women like some of those things... but if you start going on and on about them at random, chances are you'll spend a lot of time talking about things any particular girl finds tedious!

That brings us to the first of our 20 ways to making talking to women amazing:


#1: Find Out What She's Interested in FIRST

Imagine you met a girl who'd just read in the latest edition of Cosmopolitan that men are all really fascinated by:

  • Sports
  • Guns
  • Violence
  • Motorbikes
  • Video games
  • Stock trading
  • Robots
  • HDTV

Now, armed with this valuable information, this otherwise attractive girl busts out her newfound knowledge in a conversation with you, droning on and on about guns and stock trading, or video games and golf. Sure, some of that you might find interesting... but the rest of it makes you want to go jump off a bridge!

Before you launch into any longwinded stories, tales, or monologues about any topic in particular, find out if the woman you're talking with finds the topic interesting first.

Here's an easy way to do that: simply ask her,

Hey, do you ever follow what the celebrities are doing?

... and you'll know whether you've got the green light, or whether you need to change directions and head down another side street.


#2: If She Doesn't Like It... Ask Her What She DOES Like

So how do you know if a girl's interested in what you're about to talk about with her, and what do you say if she isn't interested?

If she says, "Yeah, sometimes," but isn't that interested, it's time to reverse course and talk about something else. If she says, "Are you kidding? I practically know half of Hollywood's addresses and middle names!" then you've got a winner.

Now, when she isn't interested, you conversation will look like this:

You: Do you ever travel, or want to travel?

Her: No, I totally should, but I just never seem to get around to it.

You: That's cool. So what do you do to get new stimulation in your life so it isn't the same old thing all the time?

She's saying travel doesn't interest her, which means that amazing travel story you were just about to tell her is going to bore her to tears. Instead, you changed the question to ask her what she does do to get new things into her life.

talk to women

What you do there is frame the question so that she feels uncool if she doesn't have a good answer.

If you ask her, "What do you do for fun?" she can sound cool and defiant and rebellious by saying,

  • "Oh, I just work all the time," or,
  • "I don't really have fun."

But if you ask her, "How do you expand your horizons?" or, "How do you keep life from getting too stale?" she has to come up with some kind of answer to not look lame.

By phrasing things this way, you compel her to want to invest more in the conversation, and show you why she's someone worth getting to know.


#3: Don't Stay on a Topic That's "Jumped the Shark"

There's a phrase in television known as "jumping the shark." It refers to an episode of the old TV show Happy Days, when Fonzie jumped over a shark while waterskiing, and the show was never that good after that. They should've ended it, but it just kept going.

I talked about this a long time ago in the article, "Don't Get Hung Up on Topics,"
about recognizing when a conversation topic has "jumped the shark" and when it's time to get off of it.

The gist of it is, when someone doesn't understand, or relate, or like a topic you've brought up... drop it.

How do you know if you're beating a dead horse conversationally? If the communication isn't substantial. Take a look at this example:

You: Hey, did you see the latest summer blockbuster movie?

Her: I did; it was great.

You: Yeah. I really liked how they blew a lot of stuff up in it.

Her: Some pretty good special effects there.

You: And the story was surprisingly good, didn't you think?

Her: Yeah... usually those things have pretty simple stories.

You: I know! But it was just so intense!

Her: Totally.

What's wrong with that conversation? The following things:

  • It's impersonal (it's not about her or you; it's about some other thing)
  • It's superficial (not diving into anything thought provoking about the film)
  • It's refusing to die as a topic, long after it should have (and why'd you bring it up, anyway?)

When you stay on a "dead" topic, and the girl stays on it, it quickly begins to feel like the two of you have nothing to talk about.

And at that point, she'll want to exit the conversation. So - change topics.


#4: Don't Brag, Showboat, or "Pump Your Value"

Everyone knows that women don't like guys who brag about themselves. And everyone knows that trying to impress women is a waste of time and counterproductive.

So, what everyone else does instead is he tries to "pump his value," by indirectly making himself look as valuable as possible.

Only problem is, most of the things men do to do this are far too obvious to women, and simply come across as - you guessed it! - bragging, impressing, and showboating.

Why's it bad to brag, impress, showboat? It's bad because:

  • If she already sees you as desirable, bragging pushes her away, making her feel that you are increasingly out of her league and outside her reach, plunging her into auto-rejection

  • If she doesn't yet see you as desirable, or views herself as more experienced / aware / in-control than you are and isn't taking you seriously, bragging makes her feel even more experienced / aware / in-control, as she watches you race to try and impress her (to no avail)

What should you do instead to make women value you more?

Focus on your fundamentals. Trying to "talk your way" into being impressive at the last moment (when you're actually talking with her) instead of actually doing the groundwork to go and be impressive beforehand (by working on your fundamentals) is transparent - women see right through it. Talk is cheap - she's far more interested in who you appear to be, how you conduct yourself, and how you come across, than in the words coming out of your mouth.

Fundamentals include things like:

... get those down and you won't have to worry about trying too hard to be impressive.

But if you're there with a girl, and you don't want to bore her with bragging, how do you show her what an attractive guy you are, then?

Well, you...


#5: Get Her Doing Most of the Talking

When you get a woman doing most of the talking, guess what? She ends up talking about the things she enjoys most.

That is, provided of course, that you are actively listening and are feeding her conversation back to her, and you are asking her the right questions to get her talking more and opening up more. Talking to women isn't so much about talking to women as it is about getting women to talk to you.

The more she's talking, for the most part, the more interesting she's finding and will continue to find the conversation. That's the secret of making conversation interesting for a woman... get her talking.

But how do you get her talking, exactly?


talk to women

Since Girls Chase launched in 2008, much of the focus here has been on getting women to talk. Some of the past articles here that have dealt with the subject include:

There's even a post on here entirely devoted to providing you with a conversation example so you can see how a normal conversation of this sort gets carried out early into the interaction.

Here, I'll sum up a lot of the important points about getting women to talk in the first place, and add a few new pieces in that will help you solidify this in your mind.


#6: Make Your Interest Clear (or Implied)

Most men have the impression of women as being eminently emotional, and while that is somewhat true, women are also eminently something else, too: they're eminently practical.

The first thing a woman asks herself whenever she ends up in a conversation is, "WHY am I talking to this man?"

And if she can't come up with a good reason, she excuses herself fast.

In fact, one of the biggest problems men new to cold approach run into - one that mystifies them, boils their blood, and causes untold volumes of frustration and hair-pulling - is a direct effect of this: women leaving to go find their friends, go to the bathroom, get back to work, or go back to school.

Women excusing themselves is less often a rejection than many men think it is. Much of the time, when a woman excuses herself, it's simply because she doesn't know what the point of the conversation is or where it's supposed to be going.

This is why I continually harp on using

... and making sure that even if you use indirect game, that it's never true indirect.

And here's why.

Imagine you're sitting in a cafeteria eating your lunch, when some jolly, cheerful guy comes over and grabs a seat next to you. "Hello friend!" he declares. "Fine day we're having here!"

"Yeah, sure is," you respond, wondering what this guy wants.

"Hey, how's that sandwich?" he asks.

"Uh, it's great," you reply between bites.

"Sure looks good," he says. "Have you ever tried the ham and cheese?"

"Yeah," you say.

"That one's my favorite," he says to you. "So what do you do during the day that you ended up over here for lunch?" he continues.

"Um, I've got to go get back to work," you say, getting up with your tray to go throw away your leftovers. "It was great to meet you."

"Great meeting you too!" he proclaims.

What'd that guy want? You have no idea. You just know it was weird, and awkward, and you wanted to get out of there.

Many newer guys do this SAME thing to women, making women wonder why the heck they're talking to them, making those women feel awkward, and making those women eventually leave. Never make her wonder what your intentions are about; make it clear, one way or the other.

Open her direct, or be sexy and flirt with her.


#7: Ask Interesting Questions

You can't always do this one, but you'll find that the more you try to, the better able you are to as your abilities with women progress.

There are precisely three ways to make your questions more interesting:

  1. Make the topic interesting
  2. Make the topic curiosity-inspiring
  3. Make the wording interesting

Let's talk about the first one first.

Interesting topic -

Tell me how you got involved in modeling in the beginning.

Asking someone about the origins of something she's doing is always interesting to her, because it gives her a chance to tell her stories. People love to tell the stories of how they came to be doing something or how they arrived somewhere - it helps them to emotionally connect with others, and helps them to feel more related.

Here's another interesting topic -

If you could do anything else - absolutely anything - with your time and get paid the same as you are now, what would it be?

talk to women

Asking someone what she'd do if she didn't have to worry about not getting paid for it can lead you into all manner of avenues conversationally, with women talking about passions, goals, and dreams they've shared with few other people.


#8: Ask Curiosity-Inspiring Questions

A curiosity-inspiring topic makes a woman wonder what you're getting at, and causes her to answer in a form of mild confusion, which ups her intrigue. You must deliver on the promise of a curious question, however... or else it's a let down.

Here's an example:

Let me ask you this: would you ever date a football player?

The instant you ask her something strange or different, she's going to wonder where it's going. A lot of the old pickup routines took this route, and I'd advise you to learn to make this kind of conversation naturally without relying on scripts.

Because in fact, you can learn to ask curious questions yourself, then lead them somewhere interesting. If a girl tells you she'd date a football player and then you simply respond that you were just curious, it's a let down. But if you tell her based on her answer you can now tell her something about her personality - and then do - well, now it's interesting!

Here's another example you can use when talking to women:

Have you ever thought about just picking up and leaving it all behind and running off to some foreign city or country you've never been to before for good?

What a question like this does is that it puts her into the mindset of imagining she's doing this wild, crazy thing you're telling her about. She's picturing herself leaving her whole life behind, and running off on some uncharted adventure elsewhere in the world. This is something the majority of individuals will never have the courage to do... but the majority of individuals always wish they could.

By giving her the fantasy, you allow her to feel more free around you, and begin to open up about her dreams. You can also build some intrigue here - phrased this way, she almost expects you're going to ask her to runaway with you. If you never tell her why you asked, you allow her to continue to wonder, and fantasize.


#9: Ask a Question That Has Interesting Wording

Use interesting and colorful wording, it makes even your mundane questions seem a bit more extraordinary. An example of interesting wording -

What sort of employment do you hold, young lady?

You can make ordinary questions sound a lot more interesting, and bring a lot more liveliness to a conversation, with a few interesting word choices.

Seek to use colorful language. By so doing, you animate your speech - and make women find the questions more interesting, and you more interesting too.

One more example:

Where do you hail from? Faraway lands, or are you a native to these parts?

Obviously, you'll want your delivery to be totally normal and natural, not sounding like you're doing the voiceover for a high-fantasy epic adventure movie, or that just makes it sound contrived. Instead, have normal tones... with perhaps a hint of playfulness... and ask your colorful questions.


#10: Be Mildly Bored

We've talked about being a little bored on here before several times, most notably in the article on the bored look. But it bears repeating here, I think, that when you're talking to women, you want to come across as mildly bored.

Imagine Brad Pitt or George Clooney talking to a woman. Think of the expression on their faces. Mild amusement, mild boredom. They've done this a million times before already. That's the look you want.

Here's an interview with Brad Pitt that shows the difference in facial expressions pretty well - watch it with an eye on both A) how he looks in the movie at the start of the clip (bored, mildly amused, in-charge and on his own turf) and B) how he looks in the interview (alert, explanatory, pitching on someone else's turf) - you don't need to watch the whole thing, just the first minute or so -

Note the difference in facial expressions and nonverbal communication - in the movie he's laid back, his movements are slower, his smile is smaller and more mild amusement; in the interview he's upright, leaning in, his movements are quicker, his smile is broader and more aiming to please.

Most guys when talking to women are more like Brad Pitt in the interview than Brad Pitt in the movie. Brad Pitt in the interview makes people want to sit back and let him do the work of trying to be impressive. Brad Pitt in the movie makes you want to go on alert and try to please and spit it all out to impress him.

Be Brad Pitt in the movie, and women will want to talk volumes to you.


talk to women

By this point, you've got the basic parts of talking to women down: you know how to avoid being boring, and you know how to get a woman talking. But what if you want to talk to women for longer than a couple of minutes? How do you keep them talking?

Let's go through our next five points.


#11: Deep Dive Every Good Topic

Most inexperienced men's conversations with women look like this:

Guy: Where are you from?

Girl: I'm from X. Where are YOU from?

Guy: I'm from Y.

Girl: Cool.

Guy: So how do you spend your time?

Girl: I don't know, some A, a little B. You?

Not only does that violate our Lesson #1 and give women totally boring conversation that makes them want to run for the hills, but it ALSO throws away opportunities she's giving you on a silver platter to keep her talking and really get to know her well.

Instead, for every good topic you land on - and by "good topic," I mean a topic that's integral to her life and important to her, such as:

  • Work
  • School
  • Hobbies
  • Passions
  • Pastimes
  • Objectives
  • Experiences
  • Dreams
  • Goals
  • Aims

... for every one of those, you can dive much deeper with only a small set of questions. These include:

  • "How long have you been doing that for?"

  • "How do you like it?"

  • "Do you think you'll [get promoted / move up / open your own business / master that hobby or art]?"

  • "If you don't like it that much, why are you still doing it?"

  • "How'd you get into it if you don't like it?"

  • "Think you'll do it forever?"

  • "What's stopping you from doing it?"

Each of these questions gets you deeper into finding out more about her - and keeps her talking more.


#12: Permit Her No Excuses

When you meet women who are more confident / social / experienced with men, they tend to be resistant to probing like this. They've brushed off many men trying to get to know them better before... why should they open themselves up to you?

This is where you'll get women try to joke something away, like when you ask her if she doesn't like her job why's she still doing it? and she tells you, "Well, everybody's got to eat, right?"

A lot of guys say, "Yeah, that's true," here, and drop the subject.

You don't want to do that though, because her trying to brush it off is an excellent opportunity for you to show her you know more about human nature - and more about her - than she herself does.

Instead, make your conversation look like this:

You: How long've you lived here?

Her: Pretty much all my life; I'm a lifer.

You: So I guess this is the town for you then, huh?

Her: Well, I'd like to live somewhere else, but never got around to it.

You: Why not?

Her: Too many obligations... life just creeps up on you.

You: Eh, life's a short ride on a big rock and then it's done. In a hundred years, nobody who knows anything about your life is going to care about your obligations... the only thing they'll care about was how interesting was your life, and did you really do what you really wanted to do.

Her: That's true.

talk to women

You don't have to go into a mini-speech like that if you don't want to. You can always just change direction on the topic, like what we discussed in #3.

But if you've got a perspective that's going to make her think - if you're able to point a lens at her and say, "You're not living the life you wish you could be," you will attract her, mesmerize her, and inspire her to really open up and tell you all about herself.


#13: Provide Feedback

Throughout your conversation, you'd be well advised to provide feedback to show that you're paying attention and relating.

Just little remarks like

  • "Hmm."
  • "Oh I see."
  • "Really?"
  • "That's crazy."
  • "How'd you get through that?"
  • "That's pretty remarkable."
  • "I'm surprised you hung in there that long."

... and others like those are all you need. These offer encouragement to her to keep talking, and keep going with the topic.

You can also elect to simply give her intensely focused eye contact without providing feedback... this increases sexual tension and leads to her needing something to break the ice, however. You'll usually want to use humor for this, though if you're somewhere private you can escalate physically with her then.


#14: Turn It Back to Her

This is the opposite side of the coin of #4 (not bragging or showboating). Most men get asked a question about themselves, and they turn into Brad Pitt in that interview above - it's time to expound! Time to show my value! The pleasing smile spreads across their faces, they come alive, and go into tales about their glory and triumphs.

When you get asked something about yourself, your main concern should not be "Let me see how impressive I can be," but rather, "Let me see how I soon I can get us back to her talking again." The object isn't for you to show off - it's to let her show off.

One of you is always showing off, and the other is always assessing, judging, and weighing. Better to be the judge than the judged, when it comes to seduction.

Your conversations then will look like this:

Her: ... but anyway, that's me! What do YOU do for fun?

You: Me? My life's so BORing, I hardly do anything for fun. I just work all the time. You said you like playing billiards... are you any good?

Her: I'm not bad. Well if you work all the time, what are you working on?

You: I'm a sculptor; I make statues. But it's not as exciting as it sounds, it's really just sitting in front of a block of granite all day with a chisel in your hands.

Her: Wow, that's so cool!

You: Do you do anything artistic?

Her: I don't, but I've always wanted to be an artist! When I was little, I...

Notice how first you turn it back by returning to something she mentioned in passing earlier; but, she doesn't want to talk about that (there might not be anything interesting to say there), so you ditch that topic (don't get hung up on topics) and instead ask her if she's done anything artistic (since you were just on the topic of your artistic pursuits, and she found them fascinating... now you'll give her a chance to talk about this thing she finds so fascinating).

Continually turning the conversation back to the girl allows her to keep talking about what she wants to talk about, which makes the conversation fascinating for her.


#15: Return to Open Threads

As you talk to women, multiple conversational threads will be opened and often not be finished. For instance, a girl you're speaking with mentions she eats a carton of yogurt everyday, and plays badminton, and hosts her own celebrity gossip website. You get to talking about the website, and yogurt and badminton go unexplored as topics.

Well, it takes a little exposure to enough conversations, but after a while you begin retaining a lot of this as you talk, and you can return to open threads like this to finish them out if and when you need something else to talk about.

e.g., "So what was this you were mentioning earlier about eating a carton of yogurt a day? Is that even healthy?" or, "Now, you told me you were in, like, the badminton Olympics or something, right?" and she'll laugh and tell you yes it's perfectly healthy or no, she just plays badminton for fun, and you'll be off talking about something else again.


talk to women

It's all well and good for you to get her talking a lot, but if she isn't also interested in you, she'll be a lot more excited about this great new friend she's made than this potential new lover.

You need her not only excited to be talking to you, but excited about you, and wanting to know more.

And the way you get that is by arousing her interest in you.


#16: Employ Baiting

I got excoriated for divulging this technique by a female commenter back in the day (I don't allow those kinds of comments on the site anymore, but at the time I allowed it so I didn't take it down), although I think she more disagreed with the name of the technique than the actual technique itself.

In any event, the technique in question is one I call "baiting," and what it's about is giving pieces of information when asked that somewhat satisfy a question while leading to more questions (and thus, more curiosity, intrigue, and interest).

Here's how most men are in conversation:

Her: So what do you do for fun?

You: Most of my free time I spend bodybuilding.

Her: Oh cool, so you're a weightlifter.

You: Yeah, I do mostly free weights, but some machines, 5 days a week. Pretty intense workout schedule, but it's why I've got the body I do.

Her: That's cool.

At this point, you've already answered any questions she could've asked, there's no intrigue or mystery about you, and the conversation continues on... decidedly un-romantic feeling.

Here's how it goes if you use baiting though:

Her: So what do you do for fun?

You: I bodybuild, mostly.

Her: Oh cool, like a lot?

You: Yeah, pretty often.

Her: Like, every day, or some days, or what?

You: Normally every weekday. I have a schedule I follow pretty closely to for getting maximal results.

Her: Wow, yeah, I can tell you're in pretty good shape. How long have you been working out for?

Because she's having to work for this information, she actually finds you a LOT more interesting! It's actually funny how it works.

Rather than just "spilling the beans" and telling her everything you do the instant she asks you the slightest question about it, give her a little bit, and if she's interested she'll ask more. If she isn't, then good - you haven't wasted your or her time on a topic that'd bore her. Now you can go find one you'll both find more interesting.


#17: Understate Yourself and Your Achievements

Ever read the book The Great Gatsby? I wasn't a big fan of the story of the book when I read it back in high school - some guy chasing after some girl he liked in the past now that he'd "made it" - he could have any woman he wanted, why chase after one who'd moved on and chosen someone else? - but I was fascinated by the difference between "old money" and "new money."

New money flashes its wealth about. It hasn't learned how to "use it" properly yet. Old money, though... it lives well, often better than new money, but it does so with style, taste, and understatement.

The way you show value and present yourself to women is exactly like the difference between old money and new money.

Guys who are naturally good with women are "old money":

  • They're chill,
  • They don't make a big deal about it, and
  • They pick up women left and right.

Guys who are only just beginning to realize their newfound power with women tend to be "new money":

  • They're excited,
  • They brag (or imply heavy-handedly), and
  • They aren't nearly as successful as they want women to think they are.

What happens is that women read men very quickly on how understated (or not) they are about their value, and box men into, essentially, three categories:

  • Guy with no value (no money)
  • Guy trying too hard (new money)
  • Guy who lays back and enjoys his success and doesn't make a big deal about it (old money)

New money is fleeting - look at how many first-generation celebrities (actors, sports stars, entrepreneurs) end up right where they started, dead broke and penniless, mere years or a decade after being wealthy beyond their wildest past expectations.

But old money... that's safe, normally. When you grow up in money, you're usually taught how to use it right, too.

It's the same with men - a woman knows that if a man is excited and "new money" about his value, there's a good chance that's fleeting, or just a show. But when a man is understated, she assumes, he's been successful for a while... he is tried and tested by time and has come out a winner.

What's this mean? It means, employ humbleness as much as you can. Seek to downplay your accomplishments. When a woman says, "Wow, you're really good at..." tell her, "Nah, I just worked at it long enough," or, "No, I just got lucky."

She'll know that's not the truth - and she'll value you more for the understatement.


#18: Don't Mention Anything "High Value" Unless Asked

Most men are in such a rush to spew out the things that are valuable about themselves when they talk to women that they never bother to think of timing or placement.

But what's more impressive to you, the girl who comes out and tells you in the middle of nowhere, "I'm a model!" at the start of your conversation... or the girl you talk to for 10 minutes, and don't find out she's a model until you really start digging into her life story?

It's the second one, isn't it? She blows you away!

Why's it have such a profound effect for you to NOT finding something out until you dig for it?

The reason is this: the questioner has no clue how much more value is lying there under the surface.

Someone who comes out and tells you that she's a:

  • Painter
  • Violinist
  • Rhodes scholar
  • Business owner

within the first five minutes of conversation is clearly an impressive individual, no matter how you slice it. But once you know those things, you can pretty safely assume you know the most important and impressive things about her. You've got a read on her now.

But someone you don't find those things out until various points in the conversation and after lots of digging... wow, how much more is there to find out? You simply DON'T know.

And the fact that she hasn't gone out of her way to bring those things out to try and impress you is even more impressive. She has no need to impress. She COULD have pulled them out on you earlier... but she didn't even think to, or bother to. Now THAT's impressive.

And you want to be equally impressive with the women you meet, too. It goes hand-in-hand with baiting and old money - use the baiting to help her discover these gems about you that you've got hidden, and the old money mentality to keep them understated before they're discovered - and even after.


#19: Use Lots of Pauses

Pauses are masterfully powerful when you talk to women because they keep women hanging on, waiting and wondering what you're about to say. Pauses communicate the following things about you:

  • You're calm
  • You're confident
  • You're in control
  • You have no need to rush or be impressive

When a man uses pauses when speaking with her, a woman instantly finds him more intriguing - it is a kind of biological "switch" programmed into her to instantly assess him as being a more dominant man, and thus a more attractive and interesting one.

Eric talked some about mixing long pauses in with very long stares in his post on efficient seduction, including giving some conversational examples of how you'd work these in, and you can also use pauses simply to give you a moment to think or flesh out a thought. Pauses add a lot of dramatic effect, and cause people to really pay attention to what you're saying (or about to say). They give the sense that something important is about to come - and, try not to disappoint.


#20: Get Investment

Last but not least is investment. Getting women to invest creates a feedback loop in their brains; a woman assumes that if she's putting time and effort into being with you like this, then she must like you, of course... else, why would she do it?!

Investment takes all forms, and can stretch from things as simple and basic as:

  • Having her show you a piece of jewelry or clothing item she has on
  • Moving a girl even a few feet to somewhere more comfortable / convenient
  • Having her give you her hand to say hello, then holding on for a moment
  • Having her qualify herself to you in a conversation

... all the way up to more major forms of investment mid-interaction, like:

  • Radically changing her views to match yours
  • Breaking a "rule" of hers (stay near her friends; no kissing; etc.)
  • Leaving to get you a drink or food and bringing it back
  • Changing her schedule (cancelling an appointment, etc.) to stay with you

Investment and interest go both ways - the more interested in you she is, the more she'll invest in you, and the more she invests in you, the more interested in you she'll become.

talk to women

Therefore, the further into an interaction you get, generally speaking, the easier it is to get more investment - though, you can get investment, sometimes major investment, right from the beginning of a conversation much of the time, if you simply try.


20 Ways to Talk to Women

... and there you have it; 20 ways to talk to women and make it amazing.

Hopefully this helps out the guys who had questions in the comment sections of the posts, and a lot of the newer guys who are just starting out with lots of questions about talking and conversing. And, here's hoping there were a few tidbits in here that were insightful for some of the guys who've already been around the block a few times as well.

Talking to women is one of those things that seems pretty complicated, but it's really just a series of little rules you pick up here and there, get down, and then pick up a few more rules, until eventually you get enough of those down that you don't even think about them anymore and you just do what you want. It's like playing a game that you know very well - eventually, you feel like you can do anything, because you know all the different paths to winning so well that it stops being all that hard.

Start using these 20 tips, if you aren't already, and you'll find that before long, you don't even have to think about them anymore.

Always,
Chase Amante

Related Articles from GirlsChase.com

Comments

Flames's picture

Using pauses.


I've read a lot of your stuff on conversation and although some of the examples sound a bit corny to me. I get that general idea your trying to put across. On the subject of pauses though, and Eric was kind of touching on this too, sometimes I deliberately DON'T say anything just to create a bit of tension. It seems to be quite an effective tool (although mostly this is social circle stuff) I've actually had a few more or less jumping through hoops when there talking to me, and they're deep diving me, rather than the other way round.

As I said the other day, this *seems to be* creating a good attraction and rapport almost off the bat.

What are your thoughts?

(on a side note) Today I just had one of those EC moments when you look at a girl and she can't help saying 'hi', I love that... :)

Regards
Flames

Regards
Flames

Chase Amante's picture

Pauses Without Speaking

Author

Hey Flames,

Yes, conversation's one of those things that's kind of a devil to try and teach over type... you lose all the voice tone and nonverbals and that's the majority of what's actually being communicated. A lot of it is left up to the reader's imagination to fill in, and if you aren't on exactly the same page, some assumptions can get made about how it's intended to come across that aren't what the author intended. You almost do better to think of talking as a vehicle for the vibe and atmosphere you want to put across, rather than the words themselves.

You can use the tension-generating no-words pause to good effect, although you need to be mindful of its limitations as well. It works best with women who feel markedly lower than you in social status, and with younger / less socially experienced women (up until maybe 24 or 25ish in general it works fairly well... depends on the girl though, of course). The older she gets and the more experienced with men she becomes, as well as when you find yourself talking to a girl who feels she's "above" you for one reason or another, the more this works only as a tension-generator prior to physical intimacy with a girl, and the less she reacts to this kind of pressure.

Effectively, think of creating pressure as a "fear-based" tactic that works well with those who have some degree of fear or awe for you, and/or those who know they've done something socially amiss; the pressure kicks in and she's afraid of not filling the gap in the conversation. My personal preference is to limit its use to when a woman says or does something rude / testing / unhelpful to the progress of the interaction, as a way of pointing out to her, "You messed up. Now you fix it," while rewarding her with immersive conversation the rest of the time.

But, wherever and whenever you choose to use it, this approach can have some powerful effects on getting girls working to alleviate the pressure and make things more comfortable again.

Cheers,
Chase

Anonymous's picture

Re: Using Pauses


I totally agree with Chase here, the more socially savvy and experienced a woman is the less you can use "tricks" and such to get a result (spot on with the age here Chase). You'll need a combination of things to create pressure.

You'll have to get her to talk more about herself (by being a conversationalist), while also having sexy fundamentals:

Slower speech, strong eye contact, demanding compliance, relaxed eyes (edge), moving slower, a sexy purr, good fashion, etc.

On top of all that, if she IS actually pressured by you, she knows how to deal with it.

The video on Brad Pitt is an extremely good choice by Chase, because he is INCREDIBLY nervous in the interview, but if you're not looking for it you won't really notice. Why? Because he knows he's nervous and he has had experience being in that position. He knows how to control it and it's not a big deal. Anyone else would have tried to break tension by mentioning in conversation, something along the lines of: "haha sorry for stuttering I'm a bit nervous". This'll destroy your vibe and make you seem inexperienced.

- Eric

Flames's picture

True enough


It's true to say that the more experienced they are the less you can use tricks, but also at the same time, the less you actually need to as well. What you were saying about using it as a minor punishment for social in-experience maybe actually what I'm doing in a way, never really thought bout it like that. It usually happens when the girl leads to a topic I'm either not interested in, or doesn't really lead to anything else, so yeah....

I haven't watched that video yet but I've seen many times how nervous some of these celebs are on camera and yes they just get on with it, people seem to think that celebs are these amazing beings who don't have problems like anyone else. I actually like Brad Pitt as an actor and as a person (from what I can tell) he seems like a decent enough guy.

Oh and if we could have something on rapport, both making and breaking. I've had a few girls break rapport recently and it left me thinking wtf? :)

Regards
Flames

Chase Amante's picture

Making and Breaking Rapport

Author

Hey Flames,

Sure, I can cover those topics. Rapport, there's a lot of stuff on here already about establishing it, but for clarity's sake we can always put together a review.

There's not as much on here about breaking rapport; that one'd be an interesting topic to write on I think.

Chase

Maxz's picture

Great!


Another great article Chase, eat every word up!

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Great!

Author

Glad you liked, Maxz. Hope it answered your questions!

Best,
Chase

Balla's picture

Being cold and cold texting


Hey chase I want to know if am being too cold. I read your articles on being warm and making a girl feel special, but I can't seem to show the soft side of me, which is telling them I care for them or that I like to spend time with them, or whatever. It makes me feel like if a girl knows you care about her or if you show her she's special she'll take you for granted and since she knows she means something to you she doesn't have to work hard, But if your too cold you go into auto-rejection.

I want to open up to girls and show them that theyre special to me without being taken advantage of and being taken for granted. I just want to know if it's cool to be honest with these females and not look or sound like a chump, how can I open up and still be a challenge?

I also noticed when I actually talk to girls over text or phone I get them liking me and wanting to see me more than just texting for only a date. What I mean is I actually have conversations with girls and we talk like friends, when I try the get to the point method and just ask them to go on a date with me and the fact we know nothing about each other seems to be a problem. It's basically the more we talk and get to know each other before the date, the more likely she won't flake.

But you said to just ask her out and dont do the friendly texting. I just want to know if I went over board on moving fast with texting girls to get dates and how can I build rapport over phone and text to make it easier for them to go out with me? Thanks Chase.

Chase Amante's picture

Coldness / Texting for Dates

Author

Hi Balla,

To get rid of the coldness, start qualifying women more, and be sincere - there's an article on it here:

Is Qualifying Women Really That Important?

Also, you can tell women you like them / think they're cool / that they're attractive and say it in a very bored / almost dismissive tone, and have it come off very well. Like, "Yeah, I like you, you're cool," said the way you'd say you liked some random thing that someone asked you about that you didn't care that much about but you were just saying it socially to make her feel better.

On texting for dates: the one limitation of relying on just texting to set up logistics is if you didn't make a strong first impression when you met her and you didn't get her to agree to the date then and there, sometimes you will need to get on the phone, yes. Ideally though, you want to avoid this step, as it just adds room for error into the process. Look to create strong initial impressions, connect quickly with women, then propose a date, grab a number, and text for logistics later to set up the date. Firing on all those points is your surest way to getting women out, though if you slip up somewhere along the line, sure, you can always call and take a stab at getting her out that way.

Cheers,
Chase

Balla's picture

K thanks chase but how can I


K thanks chase but how can I build up rapport with girls over text and the phone? Some pick ups are so quick that I can't really make too much of an impression. And is it wrong to have conversations with them over text like a little bit of deep diving?

Chase Amante's picture

Rapport Building by Phone

Author

Text's an awful medium for trying to actually build rapport (no context, no voice, and what you can say in 2 minutes on the phone it'll take you all day to say over text), so if you still need rapport building after grabbing her number, definitely go with an actual phone conversation.

For that, take a gander at this article here:

Tactics Tuesdays: Making the First Phone Call to a Girl

Cheers,
Chase

Seifer's picture

RE


Hi, Chase,

I think I have same issues with Balla, so thank you for pointing it out.

But in what kind of situations that we get to say something like this which you just mentioned "Yeah, I like you, you're cool"? The reason I ask is every time I try to open a woman, I have to force myself to NOT be nice for not making them think I'm easy and that they just got me.

So if I qualify women sincerely on something they tell us, then how could we suddenly make some indifferent compliments on their looks, their styles and that we like them in a "very bored / almost dismissive tone"?

This has gotten me a little bit confused, Chase.

Hoping that you could throw some details on this topics.

Thanks.:-)

Seifer

Chase Amante's picture

When to Qualify

Author

Hi Seifer,

If you're already qualifying her sufficiently, you won't need to tell her she's cool; she'll already know you think so. But if you've been acting bored and aloof and the tension is raising as she wonders whether or not you're actually into her, that's when you need to drop a line at some point about what you like about her.

Essentially, so long as you're qualifying genuinely and she understands you're interested, this one isn't a problem for you (e.g., you might be running into something else if you're having similar issues to what Balla's seeing) - so see if you can pinpoint something else that might be causing you difficulty.

Chase

Nic's picture

How's it going Chase, These


How's it going Chase,

These twenty tips are awesome for beginner's(really powerful stuff), and I found a few useful tips for myself as well. Using stuff like this has been a huge change in my social life. Funny how this stuff is not given as advice anywhere. Not in school, the internet(only your site), and other mainstream puas do not even use this but it is so much more effective what you teach than what others teach. It is insane!

Also, thanks for the advice yesterday. I found out how to achieve resonance. Also, I no longer depress my hyoid while trying to add a purr but I realized yesterday that I actually don't specifically know what to do to add a purr sound to my voice. Sorry to bother you about this but I live in a small town with no voice coaches for dozens of miles around. Looking back at George's videos and I can finally hear a difference. He has a sort of rumble that is very distinct from other peoples voices. Tim Allen also sort of has it but not as much. I have been trying in the mic with no success. How do I make that rumble, do I push my breath out a certain way, or move my tongue a certain way(lol), is there like a certain sound I create in the throat? Where does the sound exactly come from? What did you do to add that rumble or purr to your voice? Again sorry to bother you about this but I have made so much progress with my voice and I want to keep going and not have to wait to see a voice coach.

Thanks again,
Nick

Chase Amante's picture

Purr

Author

Thanks Nick. I do try to keep the stuff on here original and fresh!

That's great news on resonance - you're making fast progress.

The best thing I can say on learning purr is, when I was learning it I'd realize that some mornings I'd wake up and my voice was naturally gravelly. Sometimes when you're sick it's like that, or some mornings you're just groggy. Look for that and pay attention, and once you've got a bead on what it sounds like, do your best to recreate it in your normal speaking voice at will. Once you find it you'll know how to do it.

Cheers,
Chase

M's picture

Seeing her a second time


Hey Chase,

Thanks for the great advice. I tend to be shy about getting to know a girl well the first time I see her (talk about lighter things because I'm concerned I'll come across as boring or too serious), but all that's changing now.

If I move too slowly at first and see a girl a second time (say in class), is it alright to ask her "how's it going?" or something ordinary like that? Usually she'll tell me about something funny or thought-provoking that just happened to her. It's interesting and personal, but you mentioned before that it would be a bad topic since it's the same thing she talks about with everyone else. So should I say something else at first (maybe an interesting observation about her?), or is there a way I can move off of that topic and start deep diving again?

I think this is what I wanted to ask in a previous comment, but didn't say it quite right. :)

M

Chase Amante's picture

Small Talk

Author

Hey M,

Sounds like you're talking about small talk, right?

Perfectly normal for conversations to start with it... it's pretty much the order of the day. Nothing wrong with trading a few bits of small talk, but you want to get off it as soon as possible.

So, she tells you about the test she just had or the crazy thing her roommate did... no problem. You don't always want to be in deep conversation, and in fact if you do it much outside of dating scenarios and/or you go deep and then don't take the girl to bed, you stand a very real chance of quickly ending up as her really cool friend she has lots of good conversations with.

My advice is, if you're not moving things forward with a girl, actually skip deep conversation altogether and just stick to small talk and banter, until you're ready to pull the trigger and advance the interaction.

Cheers,
Chase

M's picture

Small Talk


Awesome, thanks for clearing that up, Chase! I think I was trying to get rid of small talk entirely with girls I'm interested in, and it was sometimes feeling a bit unnatural.

Vaughn 's picture

Out of your leauge


Hello chase, how do you get out of your head of thinking a girls out of your leauge? Examples are of she has more money,better car, better job, etc. What mindset should I have for this and how can I get girls like this? Appreciate it man!

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Out of your league

Author

Hi Vaughn,

Anytime you're feeling like a certain type of person is out of your league, it's just a form of othering / not relating to that sort of individual. You can overcome it by building up new reference points and through using visualizations - see this article:

Reference Points and Changing Worldviews

Once you have enough women like this around you and enough good experiences with them, pretty soon they stop being out of your league, and start being just another kind of girl, no better and no worse than anybody else.

Cheers,
Chase

G's picture

Expressing Interest


Chase,

You've been on a roll! Lots of great articles and lots of hard work
I appreciate the level of interaction with the community making us a part of it

I've got a challenge and your advice would influence success even further
The last few articles have briefly mentioned expressing interest letting her know why you're chatting to her. The direct opener works wonders when a lady is by herself.

What other ways can we come across correctly and express interest the right way? Maybe that cute waitress who's busy. Or that girl who is with her friends and you're interest is with her not the group. How can we capitalize more effectively?

Many thanks for your advice it spreads to all areas of my life not just women

Regular reader G

Chase Amante's picture

Expressing Interest with Subtlety

Author

Hi G,

Good to hear you're enjoying the recent spate of articles! I've been working to try and keep the posting schedule up... it's work, but it's productive work and enjoyable (and great for upgrading my writing skills)!

That's a worthy challenge - how do you communicate and show interest properly to a girl who's occupied, distracted, and engaged?

Let me see what I can do on that one in getting a post up on it!

Chase

TMP-187's picture

Hey Chase!


I know this is kinda off topic but...

Can you put up an article all on School.
I just find it Hard to meet girls that Arent in my Classes.
I might say "Hey" in the halls but with 7 min passing periods and in a BIG school.You rarely see them again that day or even that week.
How can you approach them effienctly and effective in 2 min Less?
How to not be a big Stand-out approaching her?
How to not be a threat to her Reputation with het friends?

I'm sorry if that was alot man.I just know that your the bro to ask.

-Much Love,peace

Anonymous's picture

Re: School


Well first, is it high school or college?

The great part about either is that they give you room to be totally out of there and ridiculous. I don't recommend this but to give you an idea of what I've done and how "out there" you can be:

1) Stolen things out of girls hands while they are passing
2) Once I threw ketchup packet at girl passing
3) Sat on random girls laps
4) Sit down with a random group of girls, and say "What's up?"
5) Backed into a girl once
6) Randomly sitting down at booths and helping out (like for the red cross for blood donation signups, or voter registration guys who go around getting people to register for politcal parties)
7) Participated in clubs I wasn't in (like honors society, ended up doing stuff like directly handing 200-300 sandwiches to homeless people)

#6 accidentally got me a job for the VP of administration of my school. Didn't realize until I was signing papers for employees. Whoops. Ended up participating in chair board meetings..

I've done a lot more but there's a lot of stuff you can do. If you don't want to draw attention just be like.. "Hey, I'm bored. What's there to do?"

The parking lot is surprisingly good too. You can just wave them down and be like "Hey, what are you up to?".

Find a place where you can mingle though, like the cafeteria. It's the best place to do social circle, because you'll meet someone. Then you'll see them another day with other people. Sit down with them and you make 2 new acquaintances. Rinse and Repeat (Lather?).

- Eric

Estate's picture

Transitioning


Hey Chase,
As always, great article.

You'll probably bang your head off a wall with this question after writing so much but here it goes....

I've read and re-read your conversationalist blog over and over and it's helped so much. I'm naturally a quiet guy and dates used to scare the hell out of me, what would I say??? But I went through a phase of just going on as many 1st dates as I possibly could to the point they no longer scare me and instead of saying "Oh, yeah, thats great" , as I did 2 years ago. I can keep things running much better these days. Deep diving and making conversation flow and fun is working so much better for me now on a date.

But here's the piece I'm still working on.

I see a cute girl in a bar, "Hey, you look really cute, Had to say Hi, I'm ...".
Now I want to get to "Not Boring her"... and I blank. I want to get into that conversation stage because once she'll a little invested I'm gold.

But when I've opened and she's still at the "Why am I in this conversation" stage, I often find it hard to hook her unless she's already very interested.

Is there a transition step here? How do I get those things that interest her without just acting like shooting fish in a barrel until I hit one. Or is that step only working on my look, walk, edginess, etc so that she is ALWAYS already interested?

I know standard advice is to comment on something she's wearing or whatever... but sometimes there are those girls who, there is just nothing. There's no necklace with a long hidden story, there's no particular style to tease her about or whatever... it's just her... you're attracted to her but you're lost for that transition and BAM, moment is gone.

What do you think?

Flames's picture

Hello


Hi Estates,

I very rarely comment on other peoples posts but I think I know what your asking. I think you maybe looking at it a bit wrong, instead of hitting topics until you find out what she likes, you can just give her a direct question that gets her talking about what she likes, or is currently on her mind.

Ex.

"Whatcha upto?" - my personal fav at the minute, seems to work well for me.

"So what are you doing later/tomorrow/weekend etc..?" - shows interest, is she short of time/on a schedule?

"What do you do for fun?"

Stuff like that seems to work well I'm sure there's others but I hope you get the idea.

Regards
Flames

Chase Amante's picture

The Hook Point

Author

Howdy Edge,

That's a common one - just had somebody asking about that in comments the other day. A lot of it's fundamentals - the higher the base attraction you get, the faster and more reliably women hook. There's a small "book excerpts" post up on it here:

Book Excerpts: Reaching the Hook Point with Girls

Aside from that though, since it seems like there's a good deal of interest in the topic, let me see what I can cook up in terms of a post on this. It's a frustrating place to be at with your game, I realize... had me boggled for a few years, actually.

Well, keep your eyes peeled for that one!

Chase

InterKnight's picture

Ah, Chase


Had an absolutely amazing interaction the other day with a girl who I would never of tried beforehand, gained a lot of confidence from here. I'm usually very anxious and this was a first. However, what can one do when a date is proposed with her turning it down as she had plans beforehand (something that i can not change, until I get better like you of course) without chasing?

How should I persist when I see her next? She showed a lot of interest, however something must of held her back. At one stage she even said I walk like a boss. I'm willing to walk away but I do find her quite ideal.

Chase Amante's picture

Date #1 Turned Down

Author

Hey Knight,

Great job moving outside your comfort zone on the women you're getting to know... that's hands down the fastest way to improve (so long as you hang in there through those early ups and downs).

The ounce of prevention here is asking her for her schedule first: "Let's grab a bite or a drink sometime this week or next," when you ask for her number, and, "When's good for you to grab that bite or drink?" when you text her to set up logistics. Then you don't run the risk of proposing something and her having to say "no" because she already has plans.

Good rule of thumb: don't ask her out EVERY time you see / talk to her, but every other time is fine. So, next time you see her, make some small chit-chat, don't get too involved. The next time you see her after THAT, even if you have to chase her down to talk to her, just grab her and tell her you need to go grab an ice cream sometime and discuss Disney films and politics (or whatever humorous callback you can come up with that works with your prior conversations with her), then grab her number so you can sort out logistics.

If she likes you, she won't say "no" to ice cream, Disney flicks, and politics!

Cheers,
Chase

Anonymous's picture

Re:


Great advice,
Ill beat this into me soon enough. Really appreciate your effort to the blog.

Cheers mate.

Walls's picture

Some Questions, answers would mean a lot!


One of your best, Chase!

Loved the Pitt example. This is where visual learning is amazing; I'm normally Brad Pitt in the intetviews (I find it well received usually by women, and it even gets me results) where I'm quietly passionate and gesturing about things, although I speak far less than he did (granted... it's an interview.) Had no idea this was bad form.

I would be personally weirded out if someone talked to me in the tone of voice that Billy Beane (movie Pitt) talked to me in.

So, my question is this: I just use the facial expression and posture of Movie Pitt... right??

My voice not very deep at times, nor commanding. I sound a bit like James Dean (I admire the hell out of how much women love him, and everyone is fascinated by him, so I model some things after him, although he was gay.) For a small sample, check the ill-fated driver safety interview shortly before the dude's death. Is that boring or captivating? Frail or Interesting?

Point is, if I tried to sound like Brad Pitt in that movie clip, it would be forced and obnoxious, just like it sounds.

I'd love more on fundamentals and more visuals on those fundamentals... Voice, this case in particular, and how to develop better tone. And for more suggestions, perhaps more "Seduction Models", including what they do well and what they don't. I know you like James Bond and Harrison Ford, I don't know if you dig Dean.

I know I gave you a ridiculous amount of stuff to tackle here, but anything would be appreciated Chase!

In summary:
Movie Pitt and voice tone?
Is Dean a good model to emulate socially and seductively?

Chase Amante's picture

Expression and Posture

Author

Hey Walls,

You're making a distinction there that a lot of guys make, and it's typically the reason why men who are more agreeable choose to be more agreeable: they reason, *I* certainly wouldn't like to have some overly dominant, overly masculine guy talking to me like that, so *I* shouldn't be that way either - people won't like it! It's a very considerate way of thinking about things, but it isn't what women find most attractive. Women are more attracted to arrogance than they are to agreeableness.

Granted, there are also some personality differences - I've known guys who were bursting at the seams with energy, smiling, and very alert. You can do that, but you can't be aiming to please - you must be aiming to lead. If your energy levels are higher, your leadership needs to be higher too. Move Brad can hang back and let women come to him and make some very casual "Let's move things forward" gestures, but Interview Brad's got to be excited and DEMANDING ("All right! Let's go! We're going back to my place RIGHT NOW! You're not ready? Of course you're ready! You can get ready on the way - come on!"). Otherwise, the level of energy he's exerting through all the effort he's putting out isn't being matched by his level of results, and women find him less dominant and attractive.

Also worth noting, if you do switch over to a Movie Brad approach, you'll probably go through a dip in results for a while as you adjust to the new role and get comfortable in it. Once you've got it down though, you'll see better results than what you're getting now when being more agreeable (or, you can keep your current posture / expressions, etc., and simply tone up the demands you make on women to get them investing far more and moving even faster, assuming you aren't already).

Seduction Models - that's a great topic; I'll aim to do a write up fleshing that one out, sure.

Dean - I actually haven't studied him much, but let me put him on my watch list and I'll get back to you on that one ;)

Cheers,
Chase

Allen's picture

Excellent Points chase! You're brilliant!


Hey Chase!

I've found your blog just yesterday, and you've pretty much stolen my sleep for the past 2 days. I've read MANY blogs about getting women, but hell, I'm sure I'll never go back to any of those blogs again after finding yours.

As for me, I'm not an expert in picking up women. So I made a terrible mistake today.

I was in the shopping mall, and I saw a very cute girl who was probably 15 or 16, she was with her parents. After a while, she just drifted apart from her parents, and started looking at some things. She was in a part where her parents couldn't see her. I was standing in the counter, but I quickly went near her and tried to start a conversation.

Me: Hi! (with a slight smile)
She: Hi! (turning toward me, a bit surprised and questioning look)
Me: How're you?
She: I don't know you? (trying to be polite)
Me: Yes I know you don't know me.
She: Bye! (with slight smile, quickly moving away)

The thing is, this is the first time I've approached a girl so directly. I know I should've talked different things now, but then I messed up a few hours ago.

I see a few reasons why it didn't work:

1. I didn't dress too properly, and I wasn't well groomed, so she didn't find me all that attractive
2. My way of approaching was not interesting
3. In this part of the world, guys don't really approach women that much, so chances are I'm the first guy who approached her like that since she is early teen, and so she was totally surprised and shocked, not knowing what to do
4. Being from a conservative society, she doesn't have any experience with meeting boys
5. She wanted to end the conversation because her parents were around

So my question is Chase, will this approach have worked if the girl was a bit older, some other girl with no parents? Or was it a pure stupid approach altogether in general?

Waiting to hear from you soon, your're the expert after all! Glad that I met you! :)

Jake's picture

Thanks my man!


Thanks so much for this detailed analysis on what is probably a simple thing. Within this week, I am planning on talking to one of the biggest crushes I have had in my entire life. Before I read this, I was going over and over in my mind all the possible things I could say and all the possible counter statements I could make, but she would undoubtedly pick up on my robotic speech. I was a mess, and I had no idea what I was going to do, I read all kinds of articles devoted to "tricking" women and sleeping with them, but that was not my aim.

I now know I just gotta keep it cool, collected, and confident. Ask about things of common interest to a woman of her age group, simply listen to her, and gauge my conversation accordingly, tailoring it to what she responds with and keeping the conversation natural just like I would with a friend.

It really boosted my confidence knowing that I could be in control of the conversation and make women do most of the talking (because they want to talk), all the while impressing them.

Thanks again!

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