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Make the wrong social move, and you’re a buzzkill no one wants to
be around. There are nine (9) such wrong moves, including bad topics,
zero confidence, and talking over the other party.
A reader asks:
“Chase, could you write about things that turn you into a buzzkill around people? I read your article on how to overcome depression and I’m currently working hard to get myself out that rut. But sometimes when I’m around people I turn into buzz killington without even knowing it. What are the things I can consciously do to hide my depression?”
It’s a great question.
Content
This site’s about pulling yourself up by the bootstraps,
self-improvement, and doing better. Various guys start out at various
places. Some guys start out dealing with depression or
saddled with victim mentality. Either of
these can make you a downer in conversation who sends others running in
the opposite direction.
Or even if these aren’t your particular afflictions and you’re content with life, you still may have behaviors you’ve picked up somewhere that inadvertently make you a total buzzkill to other people... Without even realizing you’re doing it.
So, to help you be a more pleasant interlocutor and allow you to rack up positive conversational reference points all the faster, I’ve compiled a list of nine (9) things that serve to kill the buzz any time you use them in a conversation with other people.
Stamp these behaviors out of your repartee repertoire, and you’ll notice people start to like you a whole lot more, more girls say “yes” when you ask them out, and more of the folks you meet want to see you again and include you in what they’re doing.
Here’s our list.
Comments
I'll add one to this list
Chase,
Awesome stuff, man! You've been killing it with the articles lately. You're back!
Anyway, I'll add one more to this list:
BEING A KNOW IT ALL/ TRYING TO TRUMP OTHERS:
You see this person on a regular basis. Let's say you're at a coffee shop and give the cashier $5 when your order was $6. This person will look at you like you did something very dumb or might even chuckle in a condescending way. Or they may ask if you wanted a large or medium and you say "yes" without thinking because you have too much going on in your head. And then that person will remark with a know-it-all kind of answer.
This person is usually someone who is insecure in their life role. You won't see a successful businessman or doctor behaving like this. It's usually the guy who works at Best Buy, Apple, or some other low end job where they have an intellectual chip on their shoulder. So they feel the need to make themselves feel smart or superior.
It's a real buzzkill and anyone who is socially savvy or any hot woman would have nothing to do with these types of people.
-Joseph
Yes. 100%
Yes. That has to be the biggest buzz kill. And its offputting as people actually do it all the time...almost in the same genre is a "showboater"
I see plenty of guys who when a girl says "oh i just did this really cool thing the other day" and the guy replys with "oh ya i did that already, you only just tried it?" Basically making the other persons accomplishment smaller by the impact of their words.
Know-It-Alls
Joseph-
Yes, for sure, that's another. People trying to one-up you on minutiae... Pretty off-putting.
I will note that I've seen plenty of successful people do it, too. It's replete in academia, for instance, even among well-paid academics. And one of the major criticisms of the medical industry is of too many doctors with poor bedside manners, who consider their opinion unalterable fact (despite their being no less human than the rest of us). But this is one that crosses all class and breeding boundaries.
If you could convince a know-it-all how off-putting the behavior is, you could probably get him to stop it. Since the reason he's doing it in the first place is because he think it makes him look superior. If he realizes it does not have the appearance he thinks it does, he'd likely knock it off.
Of course, convincing a know-it-all he doesn't know it all is a task unto itself...!
Chase
Good reads?
Sweet article. Very eye-opening topic.
Do you recommend any good social arts books?
(Got myself a kindle and I'm engrossed)
Thanks
Re: Good reads?
Mr. B-
Casanova's biography is wonderfully instructive, if you're into the whole "wandering seducer / vagabond / Renaissance man" image. Probably get the abridged version, though, as he's even more verbose than me (or Hector!).
I've had various men recommend both Robert Green and Ovid to me, though I haven't read either yet.
More closely aligned with pickup, there's always Neil Strauss's The Game, which is a fun read, and one of the first books I ever read on seduction, The System: How to Get Laid Today!, by a guy named Roy Valentine. That last one influenced a good deal of my thinking on nonverbal, eye contact, etc., though it's not exactly super detailed...
Chase
Appreciate the reply, I know you're a busy man.
Thanks, Chase!
New article suggestion??
I have realized that a key thing in making a woman fall for me is my ability in making the mundane enjoyable. Its in my personality to just live life with the mindset of how can I make nonserious moments, at minimum, entertaining and at best, memorable.
Can you write an article on hidden oppurtunities in everyday life to take advantage of, that most people just let pass by/aren't aware of, whether its just being naive to them or unsure of how to capitalize?
Making the Mundane Enjoyable
Laruta-
Certainly, that's a great idea! I like the post concept.
I have it noted down in our article queue.
Chase
Two New Article Suggestions
Hey Chase,
If you're looking for an article suggestion, perhaps you can shed some light on why some girls are "gamier" than others. Whether it's a function of social savviness, past experiences with men, or just how into a guy they are. I've had girls who are very into me, with some being very gamey while others not all (i.e.: replying to a text a day or so after the initial text vs texting back right away).
Another article suggestion I have is how to rekindle a spark from a girl you haven't connected with in a while. There's a girl I shagged and everything seemed great right after that. When I texted her a day or so later, we went back and forth and she was very into me. Then I texted her like a week later and there was radio silence. I waited a week and tried again. Radio silence again. It's been 2 months and I'm not sure on how to proceed in getting her to come around. An article on this type of scenario would be very helpful as its common in seduction.
Thanks, Chase, and keep up the excellent work!
Evan
Hey Evan,
Hey Evan,
Of course you want Chase's Answers. I am by no means advanced, but I've had a couple of years in this and slept with a fair share of girls. So let me put my first thoughts out there.
Girls read a lot of magazines, when they're like 12 years old they start reading fashion beauty magazines. In there, there are always articles about how to deal with guys, tips, stories etc. So while we're still playing with pokemon cards, they are learning this stuff. Don't text back immediately!
It is just more widespread and socially acceptable for girls to get this dating information. Versus these obscure/secret places men have to get their info from. Pua forums or whatever.
The second issue of the girl. This has happened to me before some times.
It could be many things. Perhaps she was just looking for a one night stand.
Perhaps she didnt like you all that much, and had regret of sleeping with you. (maybe you didnt seem like a lover type, the way you handled yourself after sex, and she kind of felt cheated.)
Perhaps she didnt like the sex itself.
Perhaps she was already into something or starting to get into something with another guy.
Generally speaking, when a girl really shuts you down like that, there is no one specific thing you can say or do that will make her change her mind about you.
Probably work on yourself/your game. And so avoid these situations in the future.
Game-Playing Girls, Conversion After Sex
Evan-
Noted on both article suggestions.
On 'gamey' girls, there are different causes. All the reasons you suggest are true for some girls. Some have been burned by men and are now more paranoid. Some are naturally paranoid. Some just like playing the game. Like J.H. notes, many girls spend a lot of time reading game tips since young - there's a culture of this. You won't find many girls that haven't been exposed to lots of game-playing advice... Much more than men. Interest levels also play a big role; the more interested she is, the more she drops the pretenses. The less interested she is, the more room there is for her to play games, if she's the game-playing sort.
As for converting new lays into regular partners, yes - the longer you wait to convert a girl after first sex, the less likely you are to get here. Just too many things that can go wrong. I'd suggest this one for some troubleshooting help right now:
And this one for avoiding the problem entirely with future new lays:
Chase
#8
#8
Doesnt it seem reactive if you follow her lead when she goes off into some tangent all the time.
How can you get your point across if you get side tracked. (perhaps not only with a girl but with friends in general)
Lol, nevermind. you completely dealt with this in #9. Silly me, writing a comment before finishing the article.
thoughts
Good Article. Alot of well thought ideas and well presented. It reminds me of Roosh.
The things in this article are universal. Whatever your goal is (getting some snatch, whatever), you will find people more amicable when you are a buzzkill. That leads the way to other things.
Anyways, thanks for the good ideas. Now if we could all only employ them, what a world would it be.
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