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If you’ve spent any amount of time learning pickup, then you know that you’re bound to make countless mistakes. We’ve all been through the same exact process, as you need to make mistakes in order to make progress.
Progression is necessary to finally get the results that you want. Progression, however, comes at a different pace for different people.
Some men progress through this material at a lightning fast pace, going from zero to hero within mere months.
... meanwhile, others, while exerting similar or even greater effort towards becoming attractive men who are irresistible to women, are just not getting the results they desire.
What is the primary difference between these men? The man who progresses quickly doesn’t make the same mistake twice, while the man who is stuck continues to make the same exact mistakes over and over again. As a result, he feels marooned on an ideological island with no escape.
How do you become the man that doesn’t make the same mistake twice? How do you bolt through this material and rack up lay after lay, shocking even your closest friends with the rapid progression you’ve made? I could just tell you to not make the same mistakes twice. But I know that there is more to the puzzle, as most guys are boggled when it comes to avoiding making these mistakes over and over again.
You see, most guys just don’t know when or how they’ve made a mistake. They can feel that something is wrong, but it’s very difficult to pinpoint the exact cause of the mistake. Without knowledge of how the mistake came about, you’re just throwing darts in the dark, trying to yank some progress kicking and screaming out of your unknown mistakes.
It’s time to turn on the lights so that you can finally get the results that you've been dreaming of.
Comments
Good stuff
I really enjoyed this one, Ross. And given the recent struggles of some members on the discussion board, I think it came at a good time.
For those of you who are curious, I would sometimes spend hours lying on my bed after going out and meeting women trying to pick apart where each individual action went wrong. What you'll find, as Ross delicately noted in this article, is patterns when you put all of the approaches together that are repetitive and lead to the end of an interaction. So think back to those points in your routine where you seemed to fail, and then think about why they lead the interaction away from the direction you wanted to go (with that girl).
What you'll come across instead of a "right" answer is a list of possible reasons that you did not receive a desired outcome. From those reasons, you can adjust and come up with a few new ways to handle the situation. Pick ONE of them (and write the other ones down if you have to), and try it with the next interaction you have. Then a few more times after that.
Did you notice a change in the girl's behavior? No?
Go to the next item on your list.
Did you notice a change in the girl's behavior? Yes? She was more positive and accepted to give you her number?
You've just discovered where your problem might have been AND possibly figured out how to solve it.
Always reflect on your interactions and be taking mental notes of where things seemed to go differently from the way you expected them to go. You'll often find that your mistake almost always came shortly before that moment where the interaction began to go south. And using Ross's pattern recognition examples, it shouldn't take you long to find it. =)
- Franco
Some good commentary here
Some good commentary here Franco.
Yeah, pattern recognition is one of those techs that, when you pick it up, you'll be able to understand almost anything on a more fundamental level. Makes learning a whole lot easier, because you're able to observe the entire flow of the conversation.
As an aside to mental notes, it's also a great idea to take actual notes. Carrying around a little journal and writing up a quick summary of your interactions makes it 10 times easier to remember how the interaction really played out.
Yep
Another great motivational article.
A follow up question
Great article Ross. Could you give some sample dialogue on how to do the deep dive on that same topic in a better way? I see the deficiencies in the attempted deep dive but would like to see how to do it in a more effective way. Thanks!
Deep Dive Example
Hey robertnyc,
Sure, I'd be glad to give a little sample dialogue. I'll use the same situation as before, but with a slightly different pattern that allows for the conversation to 'flow'.
John: Journalist? Sounds like you're an opinionated girl. I hope you use that opinion for good... rather than unspeakable things.
Ashley: [excited] Yeah, I am opinionated! I'll be sure to use it for good.
John: I don't know if I believe you ... What kind of "good" are you planning on bringing?
Ashley: Well, I've done ABC and DEF and I'm planning on doing XYZ and etc.
As you can see, John has set her up to qualify herself while focusing the conversation on the good things. In the beginning of the conversation he makes a cold read, but supplements it with a question in judgment that she'll respond to with telling you something about herself. Which is then countered by a challenge to what she has just said about herself, so that she goes into deeper details about her plans.
Obviously that isn't the only way to do a deep dive, but I hope that was a sufficient example of what could qualify as a good way to get to know her ;).
Kudos
I think that last picture sums up the article well.
"Just continue to dig for the answers. The deeper you pry, the more apparent the (answers) mistake will be."
Really stuck out to me
I'm rather glad you glanced
I'm rather glad you glanced over some of the issues we as men face.
Victim mentality
Depression
Lack of confidence
Lack of conviction
Scarcity mentality
In my case, I was borderline depressed. Managed to dig myself out of that one before things got too bad. I still run into victim mentality from time to time, as I find myself blaming my parents for basically everything that is wrong with my life, even though I left them in the dust as a person and a man ages ago. My father is the penultimate beta male. My mother leads the pact and makes the decisions. So, I was very complacent and docile by nature though I have been trying hard to be more confident, assertive, and gain an abundance mentality.
I find that as I grow as a person, start appreciating that I could be a sexual man, that how others view me have fundamentally changed. I used to be a prick towards what little friends I have. It should have been no surprise then when they conveniently leave me out on their Vegas trips, but it was and I felt wronged. During this very dark time in my life, I was in the throes of borderline depression. Fortunately, I was able to set ego aside and get help. The same friends that used to neglect me now invite me! I am still amazed at how largely I progressed in my personal growth!
So, my take-away is this. You must first be happy with yourself and love yourself and believe in yourself before you can start attracting the life you envision and before women start finding you attractive.
I still have a lot to learn on this journey of mine, but, boy, has it been one hell of an interesting ride. It really is true that the journey matters much more than the destination.
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