Why to Throw Out the 1-to-10 Scale for Rating Women


1-to-10 scaleBefore stumbling into the world of pickup in late 2005, I'd never used the 1-to-10 scale. Maybe that's because I didn't really have friends; I wasn't comparing notes on girls. Or maybe it was because I wasn't trying to impress anyone by telling him I'd nailed a "total 10."

But in pickup, it seemed everyone used the 1-to-10 scale. Girls were 5s, 6s, 7s, 8s, 9s. Debate raged about whether a girl could ever really be a "perfect 10", or if true "10s" were naught but a myth.

Men would post photographs of the girls they slept with, and label a girl an "8", only for other men to chime in and ridicule them: "Dude, THAT girl is an 8? She's a 6, at best! Stop inflating your ratings!"

Then those same men doing the ridiculing would post pictures of girls that they were dating, and claim that these girls were "8s" or "9s"... and they wouldn't look any different from the women those men had just finished calling "5s" and "6s."

If all this seems silly, trite, and petty to you... it is. It's no better than other form of status jockeying and social ladder climbing, where guys try to seize bragging rights and "prove their worth", frequently by simply reporting the number rating of the girls they've gotten and trusting that everyone else knows what that means.

But not only is the 1-to-10 scale highly subjective and an absolutely terrible metric to use for comparing results across multiple individuals... but it destroys your ability to get truly beautiful women, too.


1-to-10 scale

When I first started writing field reports, I wanted them to be as thorough as possible, and I also wanted to show off and brag about my successes (pride is an insidious thing), so I naturally tried adopting the 1-to-10 rating system. In pickup, women's ratings were prefaced with an "HB" designation ("hot babe"):

  • A very plain girl might be labeled an "HB5"
  • A moderately cute girl an "HB6" or an "HB7"
  • A pretty girl an "HB8"
  • A beauty an "HB9"
  • And a breathtaking vision of absolute, stunning perfection an "HB10"

Of course, all these ratings are completely subjective, and vary greatly from one rater to the next, but... well, that's neither here nor there.

It felt a little weird for me trying to relegate these women I met in real life to an HB rating, but whatever; if it helped my learning by allowing me to categorize, I supposed, it couldn't be that bad.

I always had this creeping feeling that I was engaging in some form of self-sabotage, but I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was, so chose to ignore it for a time.

But eventually, I found I could no longer avoid that sentiment - and after a while, the ill effects of the 1-to-10 scale began to shine through, like a fog light cutting through the murk.


Different Kinds of Objectification

Contrary to what you'll read in the media, objectification of women ain't really all bad.

In fact, some of it is inescapable.

As I discussed in "Women as Sex Objects: Supercharge Your Game", the male brain naturally shifts into a mental condition of viewing women as objects to be acted upon prior to the commencement of mating. It is impossible for a male to become sexually aroused while viewing a woman more as a "person" than as an "object."

Why is this so?

Apparently, it's because the "person" designation is really a "thing to be communicated with" designation, while the "objection" designation is in fact a "thing to be acted upon" designation. I haven't seen research on it, but I'd bet you that people engaged in physical combat switch to viewing others as objects rather than people - and that women engage in objectifying other people every bit as much as men do, too.

However, there are different kinds of objectification, and this is where you can get in trouble... with yourself.

Because, you see, when you assign a woman a rating on a rating scale, you aren't only giving yourself a way of thinking about her in a more simplistic, narrow, easily communicated way.

You're also RESTRICTING your thinking about her - and placing her very firmly into a hierarchy.

A hierarchy that you, too, out of pure necessity, also must inhabit; perhaps somewhere above her... or perhaps somewhere below.


Rating into Oblivion

1-to-10 scaleWhat I first noticed about myself early on that clued me into something amiss was this: I was a lot more likely to ever sleep with girls I did not write notes down on having met than girls I did.

The first thing I asked myself when I noticed this was what is going on?

Maybe I was only writing reports on the girls I was most impressed by - and who would also thus be the most likely to be out of my reach.

So, I took a break from writing field reports altogether, and - the proportion of girls I was sleeping with out of those I met or planned dates with went up.

Okay, that wasn't it.

Maybe it was that the act of writing itself was psyching me out, causing me to invest much more heavily in a girl emotionally, turn her over in my head a lot more, and place her on a pedestal?

This was part of it, I figured out. I took to only ever writing field reports about girls I wasn't all that excited about meeting, to avoid building a girl I was impressed with into even greater proportions. In fact, if I met a girl I really liked, I wouldn't even think about her, or mention her to anybody else. I'd just forget about her until I had her on a date again.

Once again, my efficacy at getting girls in bed went up.

But I soon realized there was another factor at play, as well: every time I broke out the 1-to-10 scale for rating women, I took away all a girl's complexity, and all of my complexity, and reduced her and I to simple numbers in a hierarchy. 6s were below me, and thus child's play to bed if I wanted to. 7s and 8s were roughly the same level as me... I was netting 7s and 8s on my photos when I put them out for ratings in those days. Women in this range were neither terribly easy nor terribly difficult. 9s were a challenge, though. And 10s? Good luck.

However, what this ignored was that there's a lot more to women's behavior than where a guy puts them on a looks scale - but if you start treating a girl like a goddess, because you think she is, she will pick up on it, and act accordingly... or, at the very least, you will panic, choke, or second-guess yourself right into rejection.


1-to-10 scale

You may not realize it, but your behavior changes significantly around women you designate as high up on a scale of desirability. You become more:

  • Needy
  • Hesitant
  • Uncertain
  • Respectful
  • Prone to posturing
  • Status conscious

Sometimes, if you recognize this happening, it leads to overcompensation, in which you:

Because you view her as being "very high status" on account of her great looks, you assume that she must need a lot more ball-busting than, say, a "6"... and so, you break out the big guns.

Only, those big guns aren't big guns. They're grenades... and you're using them in close quarters.

Watch out for shrapnel, because it's coming your way.


Hot Does NOT Equal Aloof

I spent enough time having pretty girls chase after me in school that I had a relatively decent read on their personalities and predilections even just starting out, and I still made the faulty assumption that pretty = aloof (and thus, in need of harder gaming), so I'm not surprised at how pervasive this belief is among newer guys.

The fact is, though, aloofness does NOT correlate perfectly to a woman's looks.

Surely you've met unattractive women who acted like princesses, and gorgeous ones who exuded warmth, comfort, and familiarity. Actually, in my experience, you're a lot MORE likely to get an at least sociable reception from an attractive woman than an unattractive one... ugly on the outside, ugly on the in, I suppose the saying is.

It should be becoming pretty obvious how rolling a bunch of very different women all into the same sweeping category based on a single subjective rating that varies greatly from person to person (a girl may be an "8" to you, but a "9" to someone else, and a "7" to herself), then basing your interactions with them off of that, is a detriment to your success.

Just because you call THIS girl a 10, and you call THAT girl a 10, doesn't mean that they are going to behave ANYTHING alike... or even RESPOND to you in remotely similar ways. The first girl may well be an ice queen to you, while the second is all over you.

But, try as you like to resist it, if you call them both "10s", you're very quickly going to find yourself unconsciously thinking them more and more alike... and more and more in need of the same treatment from you.


Throwing Out the 1-to-10 Scale

You may not be fully conscious of it, but trust me, if you're using the 1-to-10 scale, you're making things a lot harder for yourself than you need to be.

I tossed the scale, and then started realizing that the girls I was getting were a fair bit more attractive than the ones I got before.

I also started realizing that there were women I was sleeping with, whom I felt comfortable and natural around, that, when I stopped (after already having slept with them) and gave them a number rating, I'd say, "Whoa... that girl was a 9.5! Had I realized that before I slept with her, I never would have gotten her in bed... I'd have been way too intimidated!"

In addition to the 1-to-10 scale, I threw out any mentioning, or even thinking, of a girl's looks as "beautiful", "gorgeous", or "hot"; the only thing I ever allowed myself to think about women was, "She's cute." Occasionally, sometimes, "She's pretty."

Emotionally, I still was more attracted to more physically attractive women... and I still pursued them more. But without the logical hierarchical hotness designations, I wasn't psyching myself out over them anymore.

And anyway, the goal for me then was to up my experience levels, and just be having sex with girls I found attractive; so whether she was just mildly cute, or a total knockout stunner, I was going to try for it anyway... and I could always figure out a ranking for her after we slept together if I really cared to anyway (I found I rarely did care to, though).

Here's my point: if you use the 1-to-10 scale to rate women, OR you ever call, talk about, or even THINK about women as "beautiful", "gorgeous", or "hot", and you are NOT sleeping with your top tier most attractive women, it's time to throw out the ratings systems and hotness labels. The benefits to you of doing so are:

  1. No more psyching yourself out because she's "out of your league." When the logical ratings disappear, there IS no more league... there's just you, and some girl. Either the two of you like each other - in which case you sleep together - or you don't like each other - in which case, you go meet someone else.

  2. No more writing off entire looks classes of women. You tried to sleep with a "9" but it didn't work out? Now any future girl you designate as a "9" you're going to recall that earlier "9" and say to yourself, "Man, I have a hard time with 9s... should I even bother? I probably won't get anywhere." Same with things like "hot": "Hot girls don't go for me." Maybe not, but if you forget about labeling women "hot" and just go for women you find attractive, you may just find you end up with some of those "hot" women who were previously out of your reach regardless.

  3. No more losing your cool the second time around. You were amazing with her when you first met her, but once you rated her and realized how far above you she was in the desirability hierarchy you turned into a bundle of nerves and mistakes around her? This doesn't happen when you cut out rating women and dial back on thinking about them when you're not present with them.

  4. Suddenly, the world of pretty women is your oyster. Know what the difference is in how you treat a "6" and how you treat a "10" when you don't use numbers and both girls are merely "cute" to you? None whatsoever. Know what your hit rate is with both women when you treat both the same because they're both in the same category of being "cute women" is to you? Much, much HIGHER. It's tried; it's tested. Every student or friend I've told this to do who then followed suit has come back and told me months later the looks caliber of women he was sleeping with went up, and he was a LOT more confident around attractive women. You're cheating yourself if you're using a number scale or words like "gorgeous" or "hot" (and you don't genuinely see yourself as equally "gorgeous" or "hot").

This isn't hard to do. It just takes a little bit of mental policing - something I talked about in the article on overcoming depression - and it only takes roughly 30 to 60 days of monitoring your thoughts to stamp out all signs of the 1-to-10 scale and supplementary words and expressions like, "Damn, that girl is hot!" and, "Oh my GOD, she's BEAUTIFUL!!"

Girls are cute, or pretty, or they're not cute or pretty, and that's really all you need to go off of. If you find a girl really attractive, just throw her in the "cute" bin, and go get her. No sense making her out to be a beauty pageant prospect in your head.

And as for beauty pageants - are these "10s" really "10s"?:

1-to-10 scale

If you think so, you need a read through the article on how much looks matter again.

1-to-10 scale


Freedom from Hierarchy

In "Guy Talk: Here's How to Kick Butt at Talking to Other Men", I discussed how harmful to success and constraining to your general life perceiving the world as a hierarchy can be. We also touched on this in "Are You Smart? It Doesn't Much Matter Either Way."

If you're using the 1-to-10 scale, you are voluntarily inserting yourself into a hierarchy and personally placing some women above you in that hierarchy.

Women who perhaps don't view themselves as above you.

Women who might even be inclined to view you as being above them.

But because you are perceiving them as "over you", you will treat them differently.

You'll be more deferential, and more reverential, or you'll be more challenging, more cold, and more coy.

A rating system, then, pushes you to the extremes with your actions - either to being too much of a pushover, or to being too much of a hard tack.

Ditch it. Free yourself from the shackles of a looks hierarchy that isn't representative of the real world.

Stop trying to impress other people by rating women you're meeting or sleeping with as "8s" or "9s".

Quit trying to put women - and, thus, yourself - into specific boxes based solely on a highly subjective one-time assessment of their appearances.

You'll find that when you do, not only does a lot of stress and status jockeying depart from your life and dating...

... but you actually start getting more beautiful women, too.

Yours,
Chase

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Comments

Hrnek's picture

The way she looks at me and the world around her


Hmmmmmm. Got me thinking actually. You see, I am quite analytic person. I developed this judging system because I draw girls but only those who I like. And they are usually very, very pretty. I liked that last picture with those 6 women, because yea, I saw I am looking for a girl whose looks I like. I am disqualifying these girls because of their looks and it feels horrible. I usually dont mind the body, couple of extra pounds and such, I am more into face and her style.

But in public, it all comes down (for me at least) to eye contact. When my eyes meet hers I judge based on how she looks at me. Because the way people look at world is in their eyes and the way they look. As the saying goes, eyes are the windows to the soul.

I mean, I must like her face and her style. I dont mind extra pounds or imperfect body. Someone else needs perfect body and disqualifies girls based on this. So I would suggest them to just look at face and point out in their head what they like about that for example. But what do I do when she looks at me? For me it is most accurate kind of judgement. But when she looks at me and I see "you have no chance" or it might be "ugh, he looks weird, I wonder if he really is" with slight interest and postponing her judgement of me. Other times it is like "ah, I guess I will have pancakes for dinn... ah, he is looking at me, better move my eyes here... oh yea, pancakes for dinner".

What is your opinion on this? I certaintly go for girls whose face and style I like but the most important thing for me is how she looks at me.

phelwan's picture

Hrnek, The man that never


Hrnek,

The man that never took the chance, never had the chance. Live by this.

Phelwan

Hrnek's picture

Well I am usually like "Ok,


Well I am usually like "Ok, let's find out". Then I experience fail attempt and self-reflect what went wrong. And the problem I ran into is: My approach was bad, I came off wrong and such OR the problem was in her. She did not feel like talking, she is commited to her boyfriend. At the end, I am usually like: "Well if I was better, if I did not have red nose because of cold or my posture was better or I said it with better tone or was better shaved, did not move my head there OR just was much sexier and attractive she would not be that cold to me. I realized I have troubles striking light conversation early on, some little joke or witty remark to ease her. But the way she looks at me is usually right. And I am more like: "Ah, ok so that look was more of a - I dont feel like talking to right now."

Chase Amante's picture

Girls' Eye Indicators

Author

Hrnek-

Usually, good eye contact is a good indication you'll get a warm reception from a girl, yeah. Whether or not you approach regardless depends on where your ego's at just yet, and how far into learning to get good with girls you are. But generally, when you're a beginner, the things you see as "sure bets" are usually only a small portion of the REAL "sure bet" signals women are throwing your way because until you approach EVERYTHING, you don't learn what's real and what's an illusion.

Case in point: if I have a woman look at me and act overly dramatically dismissive, I'll often approach her straightaway, even if I wasn't planning on it. 70% of the time, these women will reject you HARD the instant you approach. But the other 30% of the time, it turns out they were "playing aloof", and were doing that specifically to get you to notice them and pursue them. So when you come in with something very sharp and witty, they laugh, try to play aloof a bit more, and then start warming up very fast.

That might also just be a confidence / experience thing; these days, if a girl does anything other than neutrally break eye contact with me, my first thought is, "Oh, she SO wants me on her!" which... is not always the case. But SOMETIMES it is, with women that most men would think were completely uninterested in them.

The only way you find out is by approaching women like that repeatedly, until you get a fair idea of how often what they're doing genuinely reflects how they're feeling, and how often what they're doing is merely designed to get your attention because what they'd REALLY like is to meet you.

Chase

African boyo's picture

Hi chase i just wanted to ask


Hi chase i just wanted to ask how one would go about becoming the leader of social circle thats already established. Basically from becoming an outsider to leading the group and becoming its focal point. Is this even possible??

Chase Amante's picture

Taking Charge of an Established Social Circle

Author

Boyo-

It is possible, but it's normally a slow game of gradually winning converts and eventually pulling off a coup, unless there's already a power vacuum when you enter that circle. Essentially, if you join a circle and there's no clear leader, you can quickly rise to the top if you know what the group needs and your suggestions and leadership are welcome and good.

If there's an entrenched leader though, you'll really only steal the group away from him after you've invested considerable time building a good reputation within the group, gathering up as many people as in it as close friends and allies as possible, and gradually making additional suggestions about what to do that the group likes and responds to more than it does to the leader of that group. At some point, once you're established enough, it's then time for a coup; you'll wait for a moment when the leader is making a really bad suggestion that the group clearly dislikes, and you'll make an alternate good suggestion that the group responds to. The more the leader fights to have the group follow his leadership, the bigger the groups rejection will be when it chooses to follow you, and the more successful the coup. Usually, the failed leader will leave the group.

If you join a group where the leader is very charismatic and very much in-tune with what the group wants and needs, you probably won't be able to take charge of the group; the best you can hope for is to become his second-in-command, and inherit leadership of the group when he tires of it or moves on.

I'd recommend the article on being an alpha male for a more in-depth grasp on leading groups, but I'd also caution it isn't quite all it's cracked up to be - you're often the most desirable guy in the group by default, but leading a group sucks up a LOT of time, can be very headache-inducing, and I'd probably only recommend it in a closed setting without much new person flux - something like high school, or a small college in a small town, or a work environment in the middle of nowhere where you can't get out and meet more people otherwise. Outside of small, closed environments, heading up a group is usually more trouble than it's worth and you can get better payoffs elsewhere.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Bad Intriguing Habbit Of Me


Hey chase.. !

Intrigued a girl in a conversation something about something I am going to do and then she begged me to tell about it.

I resisted it with a smile to tease her more.. but unfortunately, even though I don't like to tell this, it was ended up with sad. She got really upset with me at the end of that conversation.

I am pretty good at intriguing these days, but I can't handle it after all..

To be honest, I really don't know, you have ever faced a this kind of situation, but I would like to know,
If you were me chase, how would you handle it.. ?

Do you tell it after all ?
How to handle the end of this situation with happiness instead of sad.. ?

Thank you.. !

Chase Amante's picture

Too Much Intrigue

Author

Anon-

Yes, that's the DANGER of intrigue... that you overdo it, and build up an immense amount of anticipation around a certain thing. I used to do it with girls who for one reason or another wondered if I was gay... I would just lead them on and lead them on and not give them an answer. It drove them REALLY wild and they'd start going crazy, but it reached the point where they'd start auto-rejecting out of frustration or to try to force a reaction out of me just to find out if I was or not.

For "crucial" questions these days, my recommendation is that you use just enough intrigue to spike her interest, then give her a matter-of-fact answer to avoid the issue becoming a big deal, and find a more productive way to build intrigue.

That might look like this:

Her: Are you gay?

You: Oh - why so interested?

Her: I just want to know! Are you?

You: Planning to ravish me if I'm not? Or maybe you only like gay men?

Her: No, I just want to know!

You: I can see that... you're positively dripping with desire.

Her: Tell me!

You: Well, what do you think?

Her: I don't know... yes!

You: Why's that?

Her: Because you dress too well to be straight!

You: [laughs] Well, I'll take that as a compliment! But no, I'm not gay. I do have a lot of gay men hit on me, though.

Her: Well, gay men have good taste!

You: [smile]

This way, instead of drawing it out forever, you build up her anticipation, use it to get her chasing after an answer from you, and then eventually give it to her (after making her guess, and asking her why she guessed what she did). Thus, she gets some satisfaction, and instead of being fixated on that one thing, you can now move on to something else in the conversation.

Another way of dealing with this is just to not even get into the topic: as soon as she asks, just give her an answer, and build intrigue another way. She asks, "Are you gay?" and you say, "No - do I look gay?" Now you're into a conversation where she's trying to qualify her incorrect assumption about you, which also puts you in the driver's seat.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

So now I'm curious Chase. Do


So now I'm curious Chase. Do you think it's valuable to keep a journal or write field reports about our experiences or to not do any of that kind of reflection?!

Chase Amante's picture

Field Reports / Journal

Author

Anon-

Yes, absolutely! It's probably one of the more valuable things you can do for your development: it forces you to go back through an interaction, recall all the details, write them down, and you'll very often realize places where you made mistakes and can easily do better the next time around while you do. It provides public accountability, and often an added motivation to get out there - to show all your friends on the discussion forum that you're still getting out there - and opens you up for additional feedback from others reading your reports.

The only recommendation I'd make is that when meeting a girl you REALLY like, whom you're really excited about, try to avoid writing or thinking too much about her until she's already yours and you've taken her as a lover, to avoid sabotaging yourself by making her bigger in your mind.

Chase

Thedoctor's picture

Great post!


The funny thing is i scrapped the 10 pt rating scale a long time ago. Main reason being that my "10" was most guys' "7' or "8"'s. Or so I used to be told by people whose opinion I never asked for. These guys would tell me these girls are cute, not hot, and often tell me I could do better. And when I dated a girl who was a "10" on their scale, but an "8" on mine, I told myself I'd scrap it the whole thing and go for YES/NO.

Either I want to sleep with her or I don't want to sleep with her.

A common response to this is: "well yeah, but she's not dating material." to which I reply "I want to sleep with her, if and when it happens, I will then decide whether I want to date her, cause that may factor into my decision"

It always boils down to a YES/NO. You either want to or you don't. People get confused because alcohol often becomes involved in the situation and that YES/NO line nose dives.

Just my thoughts. Keep up the phenomenal work Chase!

-John

Zac's picture

Progress


Amazing,

It's like once a man is able to see through or know that beauty is like a "variable", a label, you tend to do your stuff, and apparently, all masters of any field tend to see things as variables. (That's a compliment. Haha..)

The girlfriend i had was good, but she didn't seem "existent" until i took notice a year later that she was indeed beautiful, because my cousins said she was.

Your article will help other guys remove another barricade. :)

Zac

Flames's picture

On a scale of...


I can't really say I've been a fan of 1-10 ratings ever and I agree that's it's entirelly subjective anyway. There so many things that make people attractive I would be doing myself an injustice to pick out one thing and prefer to see a girl as a whole. I'm actually quite attracted to a girl at the moment who just smells really good. Would I date her? Probably not, but I can't help taking a deep breath whenever she's around. How's that for weird? :)

You've also lightly touched on why I never write field reports. Apart from me not being a fan of kiss and tell. I wouldn't really gain anything from writing a successful report except a mild ego stroke from the community and my 'failures' I really don't see as failure anyway. It's not that big a deal if nothing happens with a certain girl and I'm more than capable of working out where I went wrong.

Aside from that in that pic of those 6 girls I only really thought the two either side were attractive looking, and indeed the one on the left looked like the girl I was chatting to last Friday night.

Regards
Flames

Black Mystery's picture

Bad Incident


Hey Chase,
Currently 19. I used to be confident while approaching beautiful stranger chicks.
But last year something happen that stops me now approaching beautiful girls.
I did compliment to a girl in my class last year who was 18 years old, cute but lack in personality development and ultimately experience. Regardless of this I did approach her and asked her," Is anything special today? Cause you are looking beautiful." That moment she didn't say anything just had weird gesture on her face and she moved one step away from me as if I am going to rape her.
That was so discouraging I tell you. I was wondering what the hell did I say so much for such a response? Usually girls respond well. Since that day, whenever I plan to talk to a girl memories of that incident stop me. I literally regret for talking to her.
Have you ever been through this chase? How do you trouble shoot yourself?
Thanks in advance;)

Black Mystery

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Bad Incident

Author

BM-

Yeah, I've had plenty of incidents like those, though they never stopped me for long. My reaction when these happen comes in two parts:

  1. "Well, SHE'S a total weirdo!" That's my first thought after a heartless rejection like this. Who rejects people like that? Only complete weirdos who get off on making other people feel bad.

  2. "[laughs] I totally botched that one." Once emotions have cooled down and I can take a step back, I laugh about how horrible my opener must have been to get that kind of a reaction, and stop and figure out what I did wrong so I can tweak it. Usually it's a case of going in with awkward timing / awkward body positioning / awkward eye contact or facial expressions / some combination of the above.

In your case, that sounds like the kind of comment you'd make to a girl you know really well and speak with every day, but if she's reacting the way she did I'd imagine she wasn't someone you knew really well and spoke with every day. When you use a, "My, aren't YOU different today!" comment with someone you never talk to, what that communicates is, "Hey, we never talk, but I watch you every day, and I've been tracking what you do! Today you're different!" which makes you sound uncomfortabley stalker-like.

The "what's the occasion" opener also frequently feels like too much prying and/or like you don't really "get it"... when I have women come up to me and ask me what the occasion is for XYZ thing I'm wearing, I just want to smack them and say, "Don't you get it? I don't NEED an occasion... if I want to dress in something nice, I'm going to dress in something nice! Duh!"

That said... I used the "Oh, what's the occasion?" opener plenty of (awkward) times when I was starting out, and it always gets a lukewarm reaction at best - just something you've got to try and fail at until you realize it's not something a socially savvy person uses to spark a conversation with a stranger.

If you want to use direct or compliment openers, I'd recommend the following articles on these:

Chase

African boyo's picture

How do you respond to a girl


How do you respond to a girl who asks yo see your phone...i usually say no and usually a fight follows and i end up supplicating...this happens with almost all my girlfriends...how do i stop this dynamic from developing in the first place

Chase Amante's picture

Girls Who Want to See Your Phone

Author

Boyo-

I usually respond with, "Why, because you want to text all my exes and tell them to stay away from your man?"

And she'll say, "No, I just want to see it!"

And you'll say, "Right... so you can delete all my previous text message histories, or get upset about what I texted girls in the past, or remove every remotely female-sounding person's phone number from my phone. No thanks."

And she'll say, "No, I PROMISE I won't do ANY of that stuff!"

And you'll say, "No fucking way, every time I've EVER let a girl see my phone in the past, it's been drama."

And she'll say, "I promise! NO drama!"

And you'll say, "No. Women always promise there's going to be no drama, and then break out ridiculous oceans of drama over the most stupid, inane shit. My phone's locked, my phone's staying locked, and you're not going to get in there, delete stuff, call people, and cause me drama and headaches, and that's it."

You just maintain that stance: letting her into your phone means she's going to mess things up and cause you headaches, and therefore you are NOT letting her into your phone. And she'll stay on the defensive, justifying herself and pleading for it, and you'll just keep hitting her with how much drama she's going to cause, no matter how much she PROMISES not to (these promises are never kept, by the way - any time a woman tells you "No drama - PROMISE!" you can be sure that a tidal wave of drama is certain to follow if you give in to whatever request she's making).

If she doesn't like it and won't leave it alone, then leave. She'll come around and apologize for her childish behavior when she realizes you have good cause for not letting her into your phone and she's being immature.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

being good lover


Hi Chase.I have already red some request for you regarding PE problems article, and it would be much apreciated.Mainly because thanks to your articles and advices, guy can exibit alpha-male behavior and generate attraction in such ways that girl think you must be most awesome lover ever, but you cant confirm her beliefs in the sack.
My problem is not exactly premature ejaculation ( not a two pump chump, althought i woul really love i could last longer ), but as i sad before, based on my behaviour ( fun, charismatic, good sence of humor, very good at sexual framing and sexual inuendos, teasing etc.) i feel in bedroom i am disapointment for girls, not because i am that bad but because based on my behaviour they expect guy with tons of experience who will f.ck their brains out.
I dont think i am bad lover, but again based on my behaviour they expect much, much more !!! I can say that i am skilful at touching, kising and foreplay, but i lack at department of lasting long enough during intercourse, to give girls great experience.
thanks !!!

Trevor Joren's picture

Blessed - First times and good vibes


Cool Man,

I have been waiting to discover that article that really hooks me. Your article was so damn good in fact that I went all the way through the comments. I can't say that I have done that before. When I got through them I had a nice flavor. It really is the best part. It shows this a good blog, with a strong community. Hats off to you Chase!

I do have a question for you though Chase. I am curious to understand people's reaction to the work that you do. I mean, it is admirable that you write about your passions, but when they find out it has to do with PUA techniques, what are some common reactions you face. I'd also like to hear some of your responses.

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