How to Get Perfect "10" Girls


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Ever fumble it up with a beautiful girl? You set one eye on her and instantly were dumbstruck, or thunderstruck – or hey, you gave it a shot and just plain struck out? It’s unbelievably common. Most men are unsure how to act around a girl they consider to be really, really valuable.

Right off the bat, there are two problems there: the first is that the guy is unsure how to act. If you’ve been reading our articles here, you should have a good idea of how to act, for sure; but we’ll do a quick refresher here for convenience’s sake.

The second problem is less obvious: that the man considers a woman really, really valuable just from looking at her. He laid eyes on her and said, “Wow, she’s gorgeous; I want her more than anything right now.” So what’s happened? What’s happened is, he has no idea if she’s a cool person. He has no idea if she’s fun to hang out with. He has no idea if she has interesting conversation. He has no idea if he has anything to learn by spending time with her.

He only wants her for her looks.

Imagine it from her perspective. Let’s say you’re a multimillionaire, and EVERYONE knows it. Once you get over the initial fun phase of enjoying your new windfall and the attention it brings you, you begin losing trust in people. So many men and women around you only want to be close to you because they know you have money – they only care about what they can GET from you. They don’t actually care about you at all. All they see is the benefit to themselves from being around you. So they chase after you, blindly pursuing the guy with a big bank account because they’re hypnotized by the idea of how happy they’ll be once they can bask in the pleasure and protection of your wealth. After all, money cures all, right? That’s what they think, anyway.

And that’s how it is for beautiful women. They’re hounded by men who know nothing about them and care nothing about them, who only want to be around them because they have a pretty face or a killer body. They’re hounded by women who want to be around them for the halo effect, hoping the perfect ten girl’s attention and Red Sea-parting ways will rub off on them, or who view them as dangerous competition and try to undermine them at every turn. Despite outward appearances, the world is often a very lonely place for the most beautiful women.

If you’re like most guys, you naturally are most attracted to the most attractive women. Something you may want to keep in mind, just to keep everything in perspective: a handful of recent studies have found that the more beautiful someone is considered, the more AVERAGE (mathematically speaking) her face actually is. That is to say, if you took photographs of a thousand random women off the street and averaged them all out, the final photograph you’d be left with is a very beautiful woman. So what your brain really is looking for is not the most exceptional – it’s actually looking for the closest to its idea of what a prototypical woman looks like. Boston University has a related study right here.

What’s the point? The point is to get you to see beauty in slightly more realistic terms. It’s not some mythological, mystical, inexplicable force in the universe. Pretty girls are just girls with the most normal-looking faces. And great bodies are a combination of a good hip-to-waist ratio and general overall shape (working out regularly, being firm and toned).

So how’s that going to help you make a perfect ten your girl? Well, now that we’ve disarmed beauty as anything strange or wonderful or majestic, let’s take it down a notch in your head. Here’s what I want you to do:

  • First, if you rate girls according to looks, stop. No more “perfect tens”. When you rate anything on a scale, you naturally tell yourself that some are better than others, and you place yourself on that scale too. If a ten is “perfect”, you’ve just placed an unreasonable amount of pressure on yourself to succeed with this perfect girl. Still possible to do good with her? It certainly is. Are you handicapping your ability to do good with her by placing her on a pedestal? You certainly are. No more looks scales. Or, if you must use a scale, use the 1 to 3 scale: ones are girls you’re totally uninterested in, twos are girls you’d do stuff with if it’s easy to get or convenient, and threes are girls you’ll work hard to get.

  • Next, start policing your thoughts and language. May sound silly, but this is where your opinions are formed. Every time you catch yourself seeing a girl and going, “Whoa!” or “Oh my god, she’s so hot!” stop yourself. Develop a cultured, mature appreciation for beauty that doesn’t rely on being surprised, amazed, or overwhelmed by it, and you’ll have a healthy and enabling way of viewing attractive women.

  • Finally, talk to everyone. Be a social person in general, and be flirtatious with all kinds of women: older women, unattractive women, you name it. No need to go out on a limb or lead them on, but just being generally sexy and cool are what you want to do. Picture any ladies man you can think of; now ask yourself if he treats ordinary women any different from attractive women. He doesn’t, does he? He might pursue an attractive woman much more aggressively, sure; but he is still fun and likeable and flirtatious with ordinary women too. That’s almost one of the most glaring differences between a man who does well with women and one who doesn’t: the man who continually runs into problems is dismissive of less attractive women. He doesn’t treat them well, and it bleeds into his interactions with beautiful women too, to his detriment. Treat all women well and you’ll receive a much warmer welcome from the most beautiful women.

That’s general advice. Now how about some specific advice? Here are a few tactical / technical tips to get you started on getting perfect ten girls (and all very beautiful girls in general):

  • Be warm. Many guys try to be cold and aloof around very beautiful women because those women often come off (at least at first) as cold and aloof. I know the saying, “Fight fire with fire,” but this isn’t a competition. Meeting a new girl is an outreach program – you want to get to know her, and help her get to know you. Being a warm, genuine, sincere guy makes you come off as more trustworthy and likely to be an ok person than all the people who walk up to her every day trying to be too cool for school.

  • Be challenging. Just because you’re a genuine guy doesn’t mean you ease up on challenging. You should challenge her just as much, in a very friendly way. This is key for all challenging, and I never hear about it: women will respond far more positively to your challenges if you address them in a non-confrontational way. Screen her (find out if she has the qualities you look for in a girl – i.e., “Are you an artistic person? What kind of art do you do?” or “Have you traveled, or would you like to? Where have you been that you loved most? / Where would you most like to visit?”), qualify her (sincerely compliment her on things she says or does that you genuinely like), make small compliance demands of her (tell her to look at an item you have on and tell her a small story about it, or take her hand and tell her you’re moving to a quieter part of the bar or you’re heading over to the coffee shop next door). One thing to be aware of is that just because she’s very beautiful doesn’t necessarily mean you need to challenge her more than an ordinary-looking girl. Oftentimes men go overboard trying to prove how choosy they are and make outrageous demands on women that blow the poor girls out. Adapt how you are with her to how she is with you.

  • Be well-dressed and well-groomed. A man doesn’t need to look like a million bucks, but he does absolutely need to stand out, look different, and be unique. Find some items that are a little different – a cool coat, a good pair of fashionable boots, an interesting necklace or bracelet or some other piece of jewelry. Hit up some outlet stores and look for bargains on designer clothes. Go shopping with a girlfriend who has great taste in men’s clothes, or a male friend who dresses well in a style you like. Make sure clothes fit you well (hug your body tight); even if you have a gut, tight-fitting clothes make you look more attractive than oversized, baggy clothes (which kind of make a man look like a big kid – not a woman’s ideal image of sexy and desirable!). Go to a top salon and ask for a sexy, fashionable haircut and have them explain to you how to style it properly on your own. This is big for attractive women. Just from a practical standpoint, it’s tough for her to see herself with a man who doesn’t dress well or groom himself properly – he won’t fit in with her life or her friends. So address your dress as soon as you can.

  • Handle posture, eye-contact, and tonality. Can never hammer this one home enough, but SO important. Back straight, chest out, chin parallel to the ground. Train your voice to be LOUD but not too harsh. Practice holding eye contact with other people if you normally avert your eyes too quickly. Look at the space between their eyes for piercing, “right-through-you” eye contact. Walk like a male model going down the runway. Think it's silly? Ask yourself what's sexier, the woman swaying her hips as she walks down the street, or the woman who's walking straight and un-feminine. Uh-huh, thought so. Want women to think you're sexy? Learn how to hold yourself by watching men they find sexy.

  • Know where you’re going. Why are you talking to her? Is it because you really want to find out what she does for a living? Of course not. What you’re really after is you’d like to get a date with her. Or you’d like to have her come sit and talk with you for a while. Or you’d like to take her home with you. All valid things to want, but you have to KNOW that you want what you want. Otherwise, conversation can turn directionless fast and you’ll find yourself hanging in space. Beautiful women will lose interest faster, on average, with men who fail to lead from the outset. You should be leading from almost the beginning – getting her to do stuff or comply with you or give you more of her attention. 99.5% of the time, girls will not lead the interaction. They’re responding to YOU and waiting for YOU to lead. So know where you’re going, and take them there.

  • Let her see other women like you. This one is often very big with the most beautiful of women. When they see other women talking to you, smiling, touching you, leaning in, etc., they instantly feel relieved. They know that, at the minimum, you’re a guy who will be easy to talk to and other women feel comfortable around. If there is a cute girl near the beautiful girl you want to meet, and you meet her first and she responds well to you, very often when you start talking to that perfect ten girl she’ll receive you more warmly than had she not seen you talking to anyone prior. A similar effect appears (though a little less strong) if she sees you engaged in deep conversation with a very cool-looking guy – so it’s important to have cool guy friends!

  • Be comfortable. This one can come from experience, or just from having enough exposure on a certain outing – once you’ve gone out and talked to a fair amount of women in a given day / night, you’ll generally be more laid back and casual about it. The first girl of the day is always the hardest to meet. Most men are tense when they meet beautiful women, so if you can get to the point where you are COMFORTABLE around them, you stand out like a sore thumb (in a good way). The more beautiful the girl, the more a relaxed, comfortable guy is attractive to her. Why? Because she’s so used to guys placing pressure on themselves to not mess up with her that it’s nice to meet a guy who can just treat her like a normal human being – and not like some kind of big test.

There are tons more things to do and be conscious of, of course, but these are the some of the MOST important points. To get perfect ten girls, you need to act and look like a perfect ten guy. Which isn’t close to as impossible as it sounds. What it really means is take care of yourself, mind your appearance, avoid getting freaked out / overexcited by beauty, and treat beautiful women like you do all other women, except with a grain more assertiveness, desire, and determination. Follow these steps, and you’ll get gorgeous girls coming into your life.

Yours,
Chase Amante

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Comments

Lau'Ren'Tay's picture

Eyes deceiving from the distance


Aye Chase! So on talking to any girl. How far would you go on being flirtatious, fun, and likeable. Theres been times, when I've seen a girl from far away. When I got closer and approached them. That weren't as attractive as I thought; and I just happen to carry the conversation too far.

Lau'Ren'Tay Walker

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Eyes deceiving from the distance

Author

Ah, that's a good question, Lau'Ren'Tay! Depends on your goals, I'd say.

If you're working hard on improving at being flirtatious, fun, and likable, you should hang in there for at least a few minutes and give it the ol' college try. At least it'll serve to keep you warm for when you meet a cutie later. Unless she's heinously unattractive, of course... at that point, just find a way to bow out of the conversation!

If you're looking to pull and take a girl home, just be very quick in your conversation and bow out gracefully after opening.

Generally speaking, when I open a gal and find out she isn't as gorgeous as I'd hoped, I'll joke around with her and make her laugh once or twice, and I'll usually pay her a genuine compliment, like, "Well, I just wanted to tell you you have a great sense of style before I head off on my way," or I'll let the conversation die naturally if I can do that without it being awkward for her. You want her to be smiling as you walk away -- no harm bringing a little light into a gal's life, even if she ain't all that cute ;)

Chase

Billy's picture

Was this a good play or did I strike out?


Hey Chase, I had an interesting experience at Wrigley Field yesterday. I showed up buzzed off half-priced martinis with three of my friends. We sit down, and I find myself sitting right next to a beautiful blonde college student. We begin talking and flirting a bit. She is there with her friends and it is obvious some guys further down the row seemed to be interested in the girls as well. I start talking to this girl, let's call her Nicole (not her real name). We exchange information about where we are from and grew up, school, work, etc etc. She seems like a genuinely interesting person. Anyway, the topic of drinking comes up and she tells me she is a "beer girl" or a girl who generally prefers beer over other kinds of booze. She finishes the beer she has and I offer to buy her another beer since I still needed my first. She said "sounds like a good plan".

One of my friends who came with me to the game pulls me aside and claims I made a huge mistake offering to buy her a beer at the game because she was simply "using" me, and any other guy sitting next to her would have done what I did. I looked at it as a good gesture of kindness and to show interest. Despite his criticism I still had a great conversation with Nicole and we had some good laughs. We had things in common. I mentioned where we were going after the game and I got her number. She asked me to text her where we were going to because we were leaving the game before it ended (the Cubs are terrible). As I left Wrigley, I texted her the name of the bar and also that I had a nice time meeting her and hoped to see her later. She said "lol ok". She did not text me back after that, nor did I text her again. I figure she is not interested or maybe she was but since she was with her friends they had other plans. Whatever it may be, I have two questions:

1. Do I call her and see if maybe she wants to hang out?
2. Was I right in buying her a beer at the game even though we had just met?

I hope to hear from you soon,
Billy

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Was this a good play or did I strike out?

Author

Hey Billy,

Kudos on talking to the really cute girl and getting some good conversation going. Baseball can be a fun place to get to know a girl better sometimes, too.

On buying the beer: well, I'd probably side with your buddy here (actually, I have a post here you can check out on paying for dates), but that wasn't especially tactful of him to tell you then in the middle of your interaction... he risks throwing you off, etc.

Better not to pay for stuff, especially not too early, but if you do it, own it, and make sure it isn't a big deal. It sounds like you did an all right job of this. The main thing to be wary about with paying for stuff is that it risks coming off as supplication, which can be a major damper on attraction. It's one of those almost unconscious things that many men just do for women, and women just accept, but it often shunts you immediately into the traditional long courtship role, which often isn't what a young college girl is looking for. This sometimes fares all right with older women, though, who are looking for men to take them through a traditional dating process.

As far as following up... her reply was a tad too brief in both tone and length (way too short for a first reply to you). Your read on her interest levels are probably right, but... you have absolutely no reason not to call her up and chat with her anyway!

Worst case scenario: you get a little practice trying to turn things around and it doesn't quite work out. Best case: you turn things around, build a little rapport, and then you call her or text her a few days later and set up a date.

Call her up and see what happens. Every now and then, you end up getting pleasantly surprised.

Best,
Chase

JLo's picture

Law School


Hey Chase,
I'm in law school and I am dying to make a move on this insanely beautiful (and smart) girl in my class. We sit next to each other in a class and I brought her in on my study group so we've been hanging quite a bit, but I don't know what my next move is. I know she thinks I'm a cool guy but I'm still not sure how to breach that friend zone. I know that if I have any shot at all I'm in pretty good position but I obviously don't want to make it weird if she isn't down. Any advice?

Me's picture

Barney Stinson doesn't follow


Barney Stinson doesn't follow this rules and he's had over 200 women. And probably HIV too.

Anonymous's picture

hello i need help pleeze


im a very hot guy and everyone are telling me this,but i just dont know how to approach a woman,i dont have self confidence,how do i improve my inner game.

Davidbrewer5's picture

Hey so there is this girl at


Hey so there is this girl at my school and she is amazingly beautiful, We havent talked at all and we dont have many friends in common. What should I do?

Anonymous's picture

I'm a stud, and I hookup with


I'm a stud, and I hookup with girls, but I can't seem to build a relationship, like girls wanna bang but not date? WTF

Anonymous's picture

Seriously, dude? Are you


Seriously, dude? Are you kidding me or is this real?

OK...assuming this is real and not a troll, I'll try to help you out since no one replied, although you asked this question a year ago.

First, you call yourself a "stud" and say that you "hook up" with girls but can't seem to build a relationship. This is part of the problem. Maybe the girls you meet can sense that you're a player and they don't want to be used, hence the reason they "wanna bang" but not date you or have a relationship with you. They don't want to be hurt or have their hearts broken.

The law of attraction definitely applies in this situation...what you put out, is what you will receive in return. If you want a relationship beyond sex, change has to come from within. I am a woman in her early 30's. Not sure how old you are, but trust me...if you want a quality girl, you have to be a quality guy.

When I say "quality", I'm not talking about looks or money or even power. I'm talking about maturity. It's great to have plenty of sex and random hook-ups, but you admit to wanting something deeper, an emotional connection. And this shows that there is hope for you...if you are willing to change your lifestyle and focus on becoming the man you want to be.

Try getting to know a girl for who she is, her interests, hobbies, etc. Share some of your own interests with her so she can get to know you better. Just be cool and try not to expect too much...if a relationship is meant to happen, it will happen. Enjoy each other's company.

Finally, most women don't want a "stud". Bad boys are fun for short-term flings and relationships but they don't always stand the test of time. Yes, some might consider them to be "alpha males" but as women mature, we tend to want guys that offer stability and loyalty...not somebody who is with a different girl all the time.

WhiteBlackandPurple's picture

Further from the truth.


The real problem is that today's women mature later than their ancestors from the 1940s,50s,and perhaps even 60s did. Today, female enrollment in colleges is often higher than male. And many women are actually looking for flings and sex, they _don't_ want to commit to a guy. This makes it harder for the men these days. Of course, there are always the assholes who go for women just for sex, and for women who don't want any kind of commitment, it's the best thing for them since sliced bread with nutella on top.

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