Ever fumble it up with a beautiful girl? You set one eye on her and instantly were dumbstruck, or thunderstruck – or hey, you gave it a shot and just plain struck out? It’s unbelievably common. Most men are unsure how to act around a girl they consider to be really, really valuable.
Right off the bat, there are two problems there: the first is that the guy is unsure how to act. If you’ve been reading our articles here, you should have a good idea of how to act, for sure; but we’ll do a quick refresher here for convenience’s sake.
The second problem is less obvious: that the man considers a woman really, really valuable just from looking at her. He laid eyes on her and said, “Wow, she’s gorgeous; I want her more than anything right now.” So what’s happened? What’s happened is, he has no idea if she’s a cool person. He has no idea if she’s fun to hang out with. He has no idea if she has interesting conversation. He has no idea if he has anything to learn by spending time with her.
He only wants her for her looks.
Imagine it from her perspective. Let’s say you’re a multimillionaire, and EVERYONE knows it. Once you get over the initial fun phase of enjoying your new windfall and the attention it brings you, you begin losing trust in people. So many men and women around you only want to be close to you because they know you have money – they only care about what they can GET from you. They don’t actually care about you at all. All they see is the benefit to themselves from being around you. So they chase after you, blindly pursuing the guy with a big bank account because they’re hypnotized by the idea of how happy they’ll be once they can bask in the pleasure and protection of your wealth. After all, money cures all, right? That’s what they think, anyway.
And that’s how it is for beautiful women. They’re hounded by men who know nothing about them and care nothing about them, who only want to be around them because they have a pretty face or a killer body. They’re hounded by women who want to be around them for the halo effect, hoping the perfect ten girl’s attention and Red Sea-parting ways will rub off on them, or who view them as dangerous competition and try to undermine them at every turn. Despite outward appearances, the world is often a very lonely place for the most beautiful women.
If you’re like most guys, you naturally are most attracted to the most attractive women. Something you may want to keep in mind, just to keep everything in perspective: a handful of recent studies have found that the more beautiful someone is considered, the more AVERAGE (mathematically speaking) her face actually is. That is to say, if you took photographs of a thousand random women off the street and averaged them all out, the final photograph you’d be left with is a very beautiful woman. So what your brain really is looking for is not the most exceptional – it’s actually looking for the closest to its idea of what a prototypical woman looks like. Boston University has a related study right here.
What’s the point? The point is to get you to see beauty in slightly more realistic terms. It’s not some mythological, mystical, inexplicable force in the universe. Pretty girls are just girls with the most normal-looking faces. And great bodies are a combination of a good hip-to-waist ratio and general overall shape (working out regularly, being firm and toned).
So how’s that going to help you make a perfect ten your girl? Well, now that we’ve disarmed beauty as anything strange or wonderful or majestic, let’s take it down a notch in your head. Here’s what I want you to do:
First, if you rate girls according to looks, stop. No more “perfect tens”. When you rate anything on a scale, you naturally tell yourself that some are better than others, and you place yourself on that scale too. If a ten is “perfect”, you’ve just placed an unreasonable amount of pressure on yourself to succeed with this perfect girl. Still possible to do good with her? It certainly is. Are you handicapping your ability to do good with her by placing her on a pedestal? You certainly are. No more looks scales. Or, if you must use a scale, use the 1 to 3 scale: ones are girls you’re totally uninterested in, twos are girls you’d do stuff with if it’s easy to get or convenient, and threes are girls you’ll work hard to get.
Next, start policing your thoughts and language. May sound silly, but this is where your opinions are formed. Every time you catch yourself seeing a girl and going, “Whoa!” or “Oh my god, she’s so hot!” stop yourself. Develop a cultured, mature appreciation for beauty that doesn’t rely on being surprised, amazed, or overwhelmed by it, and you’ll have a healthy and enabling way of viewing attractive women.
Finally, talk to everyone. Be a social person in general, and be flirtatious with all kinds of women: older women, unattractive women, you name it. No need to go out on a limb or lead them on, but just being generally sexy and cool are what you want to do. Picture any ladies man you can think of; now ask yourself if he treats ordinary women any different from attractive women. He doesn’t, does he? He might pursue an attractive woman much more aggressively, sure; but he is still fun and likeable and flirtatious with ordinary women too. That’s almost one of the most glaring differences between a man who does well with women and one who doesn’t: the man who continually runs into problems is dismissive of less attractive women. He doesn’t treat them well, and it bleeds into his interactions with beautiful women too, to his detriment. Treat all women well and you’ll receive a much warmer welcome from the most beautiful women.
That’s general advice. Now how about some specific advice? Here are a few tactical / technical tips to get you started on getting perfect ten girls (and all very beautiful girls in general):
Be warm. Many guys try to be cold and aloof around very beautiful women because those women often come off (at least at first) as cold and aloof. I know the saying, “Fight fire with fire,” but this isn’t a competition. Meeting a new girl is an outreach program – you want to get to know her, and help her get to know you. Being a warm, genuine, sincere guy makes you come off as more trustworthy and likely to be an ok person than all the people who walk up to her every day trying to be too cool for school.
Be challenging. Just because you’re a genuine guy doesn’t mean you ease up on challenging. You should challenge her just as much, in a very friendly way. This is key for all challenging, and I never hear about it: women will respond far more positively to your challenges if you address them in a non-confrontational way. Screen her (find out if she has the qualities you look for in a girl – i.e., “Are you an artistic person? What kind of art do you do?” or “Have you traveled, or would you like to? Where have you been that you loved most? / Where would you most like to visit?”), qualify her (sincerely compliment her on things she says or does that you genuinely like), make small compliance demands of her (tell her to look at an item you have on and tell her a small story about it, or take her hand and tell her you’re moving to a quieter part of the bar or you’re heading over to the coffee shop next door). One thing to be aware of is that just because she’s very beautiful doesn’t necessarily mean you need to challenge her more than an ordinary-looking girl. Oftentimes men go overboard trying to prove how choosy they are and make outrageous demands on women that blow the poor girls out. Adapt how you are with her to how she is with you.
Be well-dressed and well-groomed. A man doesn’t need to look like a million bucks, but he does absolutely need to stand out, look different, and be unique. Find some items that are a little different – a cool coat, a good pair of fashionable boots, an interesting necklace or bracelet or some other piece of jewelry. Hit up some outlet stores and look for bargains on designer clothes. Go shopping with a girlfriend who has great taste in men’s clothes, or a male friend who dresses well in a style you like. Make sure clothes fit you well (hug your body tight); even if you have a gut, tight-fitting clothes make you look more attractive than oversized, baggy clothes (which kind of make a man look like a big kid – not a woman’s ideal image of sexy and desirable!). Go to a top salon and ask for a sexy, fashionable haircut and have them explain to you how to style it properly on your own. This is big for attractive women. Just from a practical standpoint, it’s tough for her to see herself with a man who doesn’t dress well or groom himself properly – he won’t fit in with her life or her friends. So address your dress as soon as you can.
Handle posture, eye-contact, and tonality. Can never hammer this one home enough, but SO important. Back straight, chest out, chin parallel to the ground. Train your voice to be LOUD but not too harsh. Practice holding eye contact with other people if you normally avert your eyes too quickly. Look at the space between their eyes for piercing, “right-through-you” eye contact. Walk like a male model going down the runway. Think it's silly? Ask yourself what's sexier, the woman swaying her hips as she walks down the street, or the woman who's walking straight and un-feminine. Uh-huh, thought so. Want women to think you're sexy? Learn how to hold yourself by watching men they find sexy.
Know where you’re going. Why are you talking to her? Is it because you really want to find out what she does for a living? Of course not. What you’re really after is you’d like to get a date with her. Or you’d like to have her come sit and talk with you for a while. Or you’d like to take her home with you. All valid things to want, but you have to KNOW that you want what you want. Otherwise, conversation can turn directionless fast and you’ll find yourself hanging in space. Beautiful women will lose interest faster, on average, with men who fail to lead from the outset. You should be leading from almost the beginning – getting her to do stuff or comply with you or give you more of her attention. 99.5% of the time, girls will not lead the interaction. They’re responding to YOU and waiting for YOU to lead. So know where you’re going, and take them there.
Let her see other women like you. This one is often very big with the most beautiful of women. When they see other women talking to you, smiling, touching you, leaning in, etc., they instantly feel relieved. They know that, at the minimum, you’re a guy who will be easy to talk to and other women feel comfortable around. If there is a cute girl near the beautiful girl you want to meet, and you meet her first and she responds well to you, very often when you start talking to that perfect ten girl she’ll receive you more warmly than had she not seen you talking to anyone prior. A similar effect appears (though a little less strong) if she sees you engaged in deep conversation with a very cool-looking guy – so it’s important to have cool guy friends!
Be comfortable. This one can come from experience, or just from having enough exposure on a certain outing – once you’ve gone out and talked to a fair amount of women in a given day / night, you’ll generally be more laid back and casual about it. The first girl of the day is always the hardest to meet. Most men are tense when they meet beautiful women, so if you can get to the point where you are COMFORTABLE around them, you stand out like a sore thumb (in a good way). The more beautiful the girl, the more a relaxed, comfortable guy is attractive to her. Why? Because she’s so used to guys placing pressure on themselves to not mess up with her that it’s nice to meet a guy who can just treat her like a normal human being – and not like some kind of big test.
There are tons more things to do and be conscious of, of course, but these are the some of the MOST important points. To get perfect ten girls, you need to act and look like a perfect ten guy. Which isn’t close to as impossible as it sounds. What it really means is take care of yourself, mind your appearance, avoid getting freaked out / overexcited by beauty, and treat beautiful women like you do all other women, except with a grain more assertiveness, desire, and determination. Follow these steps, and you’ll get gorgeous girls coming into your life.