What Women Like: The 10 Things You Must Know
Monday, 30 December 2013
Last week I wrote a post on what qualities women want in their men. The post covered everything from independence to dripping sex appeal.
But what if you’ve already got most of those qualities?
What if you’re a man who has a lot to offer, and you want to know how to keep a girl happy?
Or what if you already have a girl and want to know how to keep her excited and fulfilled?
Think of this as the corollary to my previous post. This is an article on what women like. It will cover the things that keep girls happy and wanting to either keep coming back into your life, or wanting to continue to be with you if you’re already in some kind of relationship with them.
Let’s get to it.
What Every Woman Wants
“What I would like most is to be loved” – Louis XVI
I touched on this briefly in my last article, but I must stress it again to an even larger extent. As men, we have many motivations for why we act:
Sometimes we want esteem and prestige
Sometimes we want to compete for resources against other men
Sometimes we want to be validated by women, our friends, or our family
Sometimes we just want to conquer something
Sometimes we want to create for the sake of producing something new
Sometimes we act based on a set of logical reasons that force us to do so
Sometimes we act out of a sense of duty
Sometimes we act to seek love and affection
There may even be a couple more on this list that I didn’t cover. But in essence, there are many different motivations for the actions of men.
But for women:
The prime mover, the prime motivation, is to find love, security and care
This is true for traditional women; this is true for high-powered women (despite what they may tell you); and this is true for every woman in between. Women are individuals who value connection over nearly everything else. Most women would seriously consider leaving a very prestigious job for a man they’re head-over-heels in love with in order to settle down and at least consider starting a family.
But a man – either out of social/biological duty or a desire to do something great/full of prestige – would likely not consider this for more than a split second.
And as I go through this list of the things you must know about what women like, I would like you to keep in mind that all of these things fall under the umbrella of being loved and cared for. They are all interwoven into the tapestry that is a woman’s deepest and most intense desire.
So without further ado, these are the things you must know about what women like.
#1: Being Touched
In a few of my past articles I’ve mentioned that fact that I grew up in a family with little touching. It was a very traditional environment where men rarely showed emotion, being focused mostly on laboring and achieving their goals.
So as I was growing up, I was very uncomfortable with touching people outside of formal greetings and goodbyes. And I certainly didn’t like being touched, so I just assumed that everyone else was more or less the same way.
But when I hit my adolescent years, even though I was an energetic and very well-liked person, I was often told that I was “cold” or “standoffish.” How could this be?? I always thought to myself. How did so many people think I was a generally nice guy and yet thought of me as cold and distant?
It was because I never touched people. And which of the sexes called me cold 90% of the time? Women – because women loved being touched.
I didn’t even somewhat overcome my aversion to touch until I was out of high school and started realized to what extent I was a lover of women. But still… I had my reservations about what women thought was comfortable and appropriate.
Until… I met my natural friend. Now, just to allay any confusion or thoughts of “Well, I’m not a natural, so I may as well accept that fact,” he wasn’t a natural because he was born with some predisposition to attract women. In fact, most people who knew him before that point told me that he was one of the most awkward guys that they had ever met.
And there were still remnants of this fact when I officially met him. He still wasn’t very good at guy talk, so his mom actually invited me over to come hang out with him for the first time. Real smooth, right?
But, he started very early and put in hours upon hours upon hours of talking to girls and getting comfortable with every kind of social situation. And by the time we had gotten done with school, he had slept with dozens of girls, had gotten sexual with dozens more, was wanted by dozens more still, and was constantly surrounded by a legion of female friends who were always at his beck and call.
And what surprised me about the way he interacted with women was that he was constantly touching them. But it wasn’t only the fact that he was touching them, but it was where and how he was touching them.
And when he did it:
He was always very playful about it
He was always surprisingly nonchalant about it, like it was something every girl would be used to
He was always very sly and devil-may-care
He always had an “I know you want it” undertone when he did it
And for me, this was back in the days when I paid very close attention to the reactions instead of the results. Girls would always protest “Michael! I can’t believe you!”
And when I heard this, I was always thought, “Man, who does this guy think he is? These girls clearly don’t want to be touched that way, and yet he keeps doing it.”
But what I didn’t pay attention to for entirely too long was the fact that these girls were always laughing and smiling. They loved it. And for the 10% of occasions when girls didn’t love it, they kind of just shrugged and said, “Oh that’s just Michael,” and continued about their days unperturbed.
It boggled my mind for the longest time, and it wasn’t until years later that I fully realized how much of a natural he had become. And over the years, he only got better. I learned a lot of the touch techniques that I use today from him. One of my favorites that I don’t think is mentioned in that article is massaging a woman’s scalp – taking your fingertips and lightly scratching her scalp as your move your hands through her hair. They go crazy for that.
To this day, Michael is the only longtime friend who I will take seduction advice from.
But as I’ve mentioned in my last two posts, he didn’t make women his aim. He wanted to improve of course, but what he really wanted to improve was his social skills and presence. And because of that, not only did he become a natural, but he also became one of the most socially adept people I will ever know, so much so that he now works a high-power at a prestigious company, having beat out:
People with decades more experience
People who were applying from within the company
People who already had prestigious jobs
People who were twice his age
And learning how much women love being touched… well that ain’t too bad either.
#2: Being Accepted
A few weeks ago, I was out at a bar and found myself in a conversation with a random girl. She was very nervously eating a bag of chips that she had brought in her purse, and I was curious as to what was on her mind. Without a word, she raised her arm and pointed to a tall man playing pool on the other side of the room.
“I think he’s really cute” she finally said. After hearing these words, I looked at her, smiled and told her that she was a really cute girl, so she should go up and talk to him. He definitely would’ve been delighted to talk to this girl. But, she just started eating her chips more frantically and vigorously shaking her head in decline.
I asked her what was holding her back. “He looks like a really cool guy, and I just really don’t want to get rejected.”
Now, if I had her say this a few years ago, I would’ve been floored. She was an attractive girl and, from what I could tell, had a pleasant personality. But these days, her response didn’t surprise me at all.
It’s a funny fact about women: women actually fear rejection more than men do. A whole lot more. You think you’re scared of getting turned away? You think you have approach anxiety? It’s nothing compared to the average woman.
First off, this is due to the fact that men are biologically the aggressors, so it’s our role to go out and put ourselves on the line for the sake of attracting the fairer sex.
But, on a deep social level, women have a fundamental need to be accepted. Granted, everyone wants to be accepted – it’s in our nature as human beings – but women have a multitude of cultural influences telling them that they need to be a certain way to belong.
And if a woman wants to maintain her image of beauty and dynamism in her own head, that means that she can never get rejected by some guy. Psh! She’s way too good for that. But, if she likes him and can’t get his attention like this bar girl, she has to stay put out of fear of social rejection.
Luckily, matchmaker Colt went to work in this situation and brought the man some wonderful news from the lips of this stranger. And I didn’t hang around to see the conclusion – I had my own happy endings to write – but it seemed like they were getting along just fine.
But it’s not only a fear of getting rejected by men that fits into the social fear in the psyche of a woman. They have other social fears like:
Being with a weak man
Having their social reputation tarnished
Being single for too long
… and a whole host of other fears. It’s important to highlight the first point: women carry a serious fear of being slut-shamed. And for those of you who don’t know what slut-shaming is, it’s when a woman gets ridiculed (and sometimes even ostracized) for sleeping with too many different men; or for sleeping with a handful of men too quickly.
That’s why discretion is of the utmost importance with women. If you can make early frame declarations and communicate to her that you won’t go blabbing to everyone about how you slept with her, and if you can make her feel at ease by giving her some solid plausible deniability: you will greatly increase your chances of actually taking her home.
Reputation – both in romantic and platonic forms – is paramount for a woman. It’s where a lot of their value comes from if you think about it. This is why they take so many preventive measures like bus-throwing and aloofness to protect it. But most of the time, they are not trying to protect it from you or me. They are trying to throw other girls off the trail. Social shaming is most severe among women. In many ways, they are more dog-eat-dog than men are.
So when you engage with a woman, if you can show her that you accept her sexuality, her personality, and show that you are a general giver of value, she will feel at home in your presence, and you’ll go a long way in terms of bringing her into your life in whatever capacity you’re looking for.
#3: Creative Surprises
Who doesn’t love a surprise? Women absolutely love them, that’s for sure. Oftentimes doing something small, thoughtful and impromptu for a girl will get you miles farther than simply buying her something or taking her on a traditional date.
In fact, creative surprises are a great way to battle the 2-year drop, the 7-year drop, and any other slump year that a romantic relationship could face. It’s been proven that a change in routine is all you need to relight the “spark” in a relationship.
A few years ago I dated a girl who had briefly mentioned that a guy had never done anything particularly memorable for her – just the same old dinner and a movie types. So since I really cared about her, I wanted to buck this trend. I took a necklace that I had made during a glass-blowing course that I took in college, wrote her a nice poem and note, and invited her to a secret location to meet up with me.
Since she was the bookish type (which I love), I went to the library and hid the necklace/note in a random book. Then, I texted her the call number, and told her to go the library immediately. She was confused as to why I was so insistent, but everything was made clear in the end, and it’s an occasion that she still fondly talks about to this day
Was this particularly difficult? No. Did it take a lot of thought? Yes. So, just remember: be thoughtful over being flashy, and you’ll do quite well for yourself.
This is because women love…
#4: Feeling Special
I should start of by saying that making a girl feel special is tricky at times. If you do something small and thoughtful for her in the beginning, she will think you’re sweet. If you do something not-so-small and thoughtful for her, she’ll see it as chasing or creepy.
If you’re unsure about appropriateness of a gesture, follow the same logic that’s outlined in “Signs That Show Women You’re Chasing (That’s Bad!)”. Keep the gesture in line with the stage of your relationship with her:
Took her to bed once? Send her a nice good morning text one morning.
Been on a few dates with her? Send her that song that she wouldn’t stop talking about when you played it around her, and so on.
Another great way to make a girl feel special and really just being warm and deep diving her. It’s so rare to find genuine undivided attention in interactions these days, so just giving women that alone will make them feel special.
#5: Sex in Exciting Places
Whenever I take a girl to bed in an exciting place, it’s a moment that sticks out in her memory forever. I’ve had girls years later tell me about how much they loved having sex in this or that exhilarating place and how they haven’t done something that exciting since.
They also just love great sex in general. Sometimes you don’t need a new place. Sometimes you just need a new position or a new part of the room. So keep that in mind and keep her guessing as to what you’re going to do next in bed (or out of bed).If you can be a great lover, you’ll sometimes find that girls say that they are “addicted” to having sex with you. It’s definitely happened to me, to Chase, and pretty much every other writer on this site.
Great sex is hard to come by, so be a rare deliverer of it to girls who cross your path.
#6: Being Held
This is a little bit different from being touched. Being touched creates a feeling of connection, excitement or arousal. But women also have a deep need for safety and security. The world is a rough place, and sometimes when a girl gets down, she just wants to feel protected in the arms of a strong man.
So if you’ve got a girl in your life – new or old – hold her long and often. It definitely won’t go unnoticed.
This is why being playful is so effective with them. It’s all a game. And if you can make seduction fun for them, and just make them laugh while maintaining your sexiness, you will do very well for yourself. It allows you to help them escape their everyday lives in a fun, relaxed way while still giving them what they want: sex and romance.
#8: Emotional Conversation
Chase has mentioned this in the past, but it’s always good to reiterate. As men, we’re used to conversing like men. Our conversations are short, logical and really based on exchanging information. But women don’t like interacting like men.
For women, conversations are about relating. They are about feeling understood and resonating with the other person. So, if you can speak to a girl on her terms:
She will love you
It will communicate preselection and the fact that you’ve interacted with many women before
So learn how to have emotional conversation and really connect with her. That means opening several conversation threads, mirroring her emotions, and focusing much more on making her feel understood that actually exchanging bits of valuable information.
Women love adventure. Whether it’s just a sudden trip to a local park or a jaunt around the world: women love breaking out of their routine and creating unforgettable memories with a man. But the sad thing is so few men will give women this sense of adventure.
Are you up for the challenge?
They say the key to man’s heart is through his stomach. But I think this fact is just the same with women. If you’re a good cook, your pool of women who want to jump in bed with you just tripled. Not only is it sexy, but fewer and fewer women can cook these days and it’s a great indicator of mate potential. And if you aren’t a good cook, you can never go wrong with some chocolate.
BONUS: Flowers. Biddies really do love flowers.
Everything that a woman likes really stems from wanting to feel loved and connected with the man in her life. So once you understand how that lies at the base of all of her desires, you can take one step forward in being able to deliver what she actually likes.
And you’ll probably end up getting something you like too.
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