What Sexy Is and How to Be It
As I walk around the streets of my city, I’m usually struck by three things. The first is the beauty of nature. I think it’s important to stop and appreciate the beautiful things that surround us all and to really remember that life, and the world, is more than just about our singular and, honestly, not very special existence. In a way, you have to stop and smell the roses.
The second thing I’m struck by is sexy women. Women who are dressed well, know how to flaunt their bodies, and are dripping with sexuality are most certainly drawing the attention of all of the men around them – yours truly included (though I am probably more subtle about it).
The third thing, believe it or not, is actually sexy men. I can really appreciate a stylish, confident man. When I see one, I often think to myself “He must get a lot of women, get a lot of attention from women, or at least should. And if he doesn’t, he should be reading Girls Chase.” But for the purposes of this post, I want to focus on the latter two things that strike me.
Which leads to the question: What actually is sexy? What makes a sexy man or a sexy woman? And more importantly, how do you become the one that applies to you? And it is very important that the world be filled with more sexy men and women. So making this transformation is what this post will be dedicated to.
What makes a sexy man? First off, you should read Chase’s original post on How to Be a Sexy Man. It’s a fantastic primer on the subjects we will discuss today. However, I’m also going to go into a bit more detail into sexiness, and cover some angles that are not discussed in that post.
So what really makes a sexy man?
This is what sexy is:
This is what sexy is not:
So what’s the difference between the boss and being his footstool? These things:
Style: Why It’ll Make or Break Your Success
I would imagine that every romantic comedy, girl, and man who knows nothing about women have all tried to implant the same narrative in your head: “It’s what’s on the inside that counts!”
And you know what? I agree. What’s on the inside is really important. This distinguishes people of true quality and merit from everyone else you’ll encounter in the world. However, people won’t give you a chance to show them what you’ve got going on the inside if you haven’t made a good impression on the outside first.
I’ve heard and heard of so many guys complaining about the fact that a girl snubbed them before they got a chance to show her how great they are. “But she didn’t even give me a chance! I know I’m a really good guy, and she didn’t even give me an opportunity to show that!”
Yes…that is a very frustrating feeling. But let me ask you a question. When you see a random girl walking down the street, what do you think to yourself? Is it:
“Hmm…look at that girl with tattered clothing and a bird’s nest on her head. She’s looking pretty unkempt and she’s not very attractive. But you know what? I bet she may have a Master’s Degree and an adventurous personality. I should give her a chance to impress me. It’s only fair.”
“That girl is sloppy and unattractive. I hope she stays away from me.”
Exactly. Guys can’t complain because they do the exact same thing with girls. If a girl looks like she just woke up from a back alley somewhere, there’s no question that you’re going to stay away from her. Alternatively, if a girl looks like she just walked off of a page of Maxim, will you think:
“That girl is gorgeous. That girl is sexy as hell. I bet she’s a million things going for her. I hope we can make an encounter happen.”
“That girl is really hot. But she’s too attractive…I bet she has a terrible personality on the inside and is really mean. I’m sure she’s not very smart either. I better stay away from her.”
The funny thing about this second case is that a lot of guys actually do think that when they see a beautiful girl! But that perception has nothing to do with the merit of the girl or with the man’s assessment of her attractiveness. It just has to do with the man simply thinking that he’s not good enough to get the girl. And if he thinks he’s not good enough, he will rationalize these thoughts by telling himself that the girl is a terrible person.
But this doesn’t happen with women who are cute/beautiful when they look at men. They only want to get to know men who look sharp. Why? Because when men look at women, all we’re judging is their physical attractiveness. Do I want to have sex with her? Yes/No.
But for women, they are judging our physical attractiveness AND social value.
Do I want to have sex with him? Yes/No.
Would I have sex with him quickly? Yes/No.
Does he only provide value to my life as a lover? Yes/No.
Would he make a good boyfriend/husband? Yes/No.
Does he look well-educated/well-off? Yes/No.
Would my friends approve of him? Yes/No.
Does he look like other men respect him? Yes/No.
Is he comfortable around attractive girls like me? Yes/No.
And based on her answers to this litany of questions, she may go to bed with you on the same day, she may go on a few dates with you and then have sex with you, she may make you dote on her and dangle sex in front of you, or she may friend zone you.
But before she will entertain any of these thoughts, you have to grab her attention. And the only way to grab her attention is being sharply stylish. There is no other way (unless you’re a very handsome man. In that case – congratulations. But this is for the rest of us).
Style is sexy. So how do you become stylish? If you want to change your chances with women, you have to change how you appear to them. And if you want to do that, read these posts:
Style will make your success levels skyrocket. Without fail. So pay attention to it.
But style isn’t the only thing that makes a sexy man. You also need…
A Smooth and Confident Walk
Body language speaks much louder than your words ever could. It’s crazy to me how often I see men lumbering around like they were the lead role in The Hunchback of Notre Dame. They walk around with no regard for not only how their body language affects other people, but how their own physiology affects their mental state.
When you walk smoothly and confidently – that means head up, chin parallel to the ground, feet straight, and shoulders swinging – you communicate to everyone around you that you are healthy. And when you communicate that you’re healthy, you’re subliminally telling women that you’re sex-worthy.
And when you’re communicating this subliminally, women will start treating you that way in your interactions.
As the saying goes: “Walk like a God and your Goddess will come to you.”
So how do you development a smooth and confident walk? You have to be very conscious about it at first. When I was first improving my walk, I had to think about my posture and pacing every single time I stepped outside. I looked at myself in the reflection of office buildings. I looked at myself in car windows. And I always made sure that I held my body as open and calmly as I could.
Nowadays, I do all of this without thinking. So just like anything, it’ll take you weeks of concerted effort. And then it’ll become second nature. I’ve had multiple girls tell me that they love the way I walk or think that I look like I’m “walking on a cloud” when I walk. So if you want to learn to be exactly like this, and what exact steps (no pun intended) you need to take, read:
Seductive Eye Contact
I used to be terrible with eye contact. I found it very uncomfortable to lock eyes with anyone – let alone beautiful women – for more than just a few seconds. But I kept reading about how important it is in terms of any social interaction, so I was determined to make myself better.
And though I’m still not perfect, I’ve made incredible progress in terms of being able to maintain it. I can lock eyes with a stranger now and have them know that I’m intentionally making eye contact with them.
And now I notice how often girls and guys look down when I make eye contact with them, and take note of when girls look to the side (and occasionally up) when I look them in the eyes.
The point of describing this transformation is: if you cannot master the mechanics of eye contact, you will not be able to master seductive eye contact.
Seductive eye contact takes the basics of eye contact dynamics and combines it with:
- Looking at girls from different parts of your eye (such as the corner or the top)
- Facial expressions (such as a lustful grin)
- Body language (such as a “come here” motion)
So if you want to learn how to master seductive eye contact, you have to look at everyone when you go out. Make eye contact with as many people as you possibly can – and take note of their mannerisms and what their eyes do. And read:
- Eye Contact Flirting
- The Look: Make Your Eye Contact Piercing
- Book Excerpts: Don’t Look Down (and Here’s Why)
A Slow Demeanor
Needless to say, you can’t move slowly all of the time. However, moving even slightly slower than you normally do will do great things for your perception. Have you even seen those people who look like every move of theirs is absolutely effortless? It’s hypnotizing.
Well, you can be one of those people! Just make a conscious effort to move slower than you normally would. It can definitely feel uncomfortable – or even weird – at first. But the difference will be amazing. So boost your sexiness and take your time a bit more. And read:
The Right Sprinkle of Vulnerable/Byronic Traits
I’ve written two articles about the importance of being vulnerable. Contrary to popular belief, being vulnerable is absolutely sexy – IF used properly. If you give a girl a glimpse into your weaknesses and show her that you’re comfortable with all of yourself, it’ll only make you sexier.
But you really can’t overdo this. You have to give the girl just enough that she’s intrigued and sees your depth, but not so much that she has you figured out or feels like you just dumped your baggage on her.
If you want to learn about using vulnerability the right way, read:
- How to Be Vulnerable, Enchanting, and Alluring to Women
- Why Vulnerability Makes You More Attractive to Women
A Deep and Resonant Voice
Some guys were worried about the fact that they don’t have a naturally deep voice. However, you don’t need a naturally deep voice to be resonant.
In singing there is something called a head voice and a chest voice. Your head voice is more high-pitched and allows you to sing more complicated notes. However, your chest voice is used for bass, resonance, and power. And even if you do not have a naturally deep voice, you can always notice a dramatic difference between someone’s head voice and their chest voice. Your chest voice comes from your diaphragm and people can immediately notice the power that it generates.
So if you want to be a sexy man, you have to learn how to use your chest voice on command, and really, as often as possible. The difference will shock you.
It can’t only be the men who are working on their sexiness. They need sexy women to complement them. And though women tend to be more image-conscious than men, there are still many women (especially in America) who don’t pay any sort of significant mind to making themselves sexy.
So what exactly makes a sexy woman? The things that make a sexy woman are:
Long Flowing Hair
A few months ago an article criticizing women with short hair set the internet on fire (read it here). Though it may have been a bit over the top, I think the fundamental point does have merit. A woman’s hair is one of her most valuable feminine traits. There’s just nothing as amazing as a woman who has long, flowing, beautiful hair.
Though some women can pull off the short hair look, I’d say almost none of them look better with short hair. So any woman could do great things for her sexiness by minding this feature.
A Warm or Sexy Smile
Too many women walk around with a scowl on their face (also known as a perma-scowl). In reality, they are usually nice people. And in reality, their lives are usually quite nice (despite how they might catastrophize). And any woman would greatly benefit by boosting her sexy level through the employment of a sexy or warm smile.
It makes them approachable. And what women doesn’t like getting approached by a sexy man?
A Feminine Walk
The tenet of a sexy walk for men applies in the exact same way to women. Whereas men should emphasize the movement of their shoulder, women should emphasize the movement of their hips. And interestingly enough, the hips are almost always the first thing that men look at when they are looking at a woman and assessing her physical health and attractiveness.
I’m reminded of a girl I knew in college who had the smoothest, hip-swingiest walk that you’ve ever seen. And she was beautiful to boot. She became the talk of the campus. No surprise there.
Good Fashion (Tight-fitting Clothing)
I love the summertime because it’s when women break out the sun dresses and pencil skirts. And yet, there are still scores of women who just wear loose jeans and flip flops. In the exact same way that fashion will separate boys from men, it separates girls from women.
And men will never fail to be mesmerized by a sexy, fashionable women. However, as Chase wrote about not too long ago, this phenomenon can be deceiving, because we may actually pass over the most beautiful, coolest ones because of their subdued fashion.
So ladies…make it easier on everyone and don’t hide your sexiness.
In the same way that men should have a deep, resonant voice, women should have a higher, harmonious voice. I think many women truly underestimate the power that their voice can have over men.
Depending on the situation, if a woman employs a deep bedroom voice it can drive men absolutely wild. There’s nothing sexier.
Confident and Happy with Herself
The looks may pull the man in, but the personality keeps him around. There’s an old adage that goes: “Choose a wife rather by your ear than your eye.”
On a deep level, there is nothing sexier than a confident, happy girl. Personal development isn’t just for men. Two happy, independent people who come together to form a bond is a very powerful phenomenon.
And true inner confidence and happiness is certainly not something you can fake. It has to be something that comes from a fulfilled life. In the words of the great Ralph Waldo Emerson: “What you are shouts so loudly in my ears I cannot hear what you say.”
Sexy is many things. And it takes concerted effort and understanding to know how to make yourself sexy. And now you know how to do just that.
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