Is Trivializing the Root of All Interpersonal Woes? | Girls Chase

Is Trivializing the Root of All Interpersonal Woes?

I was doing some reading the other day when I came across the term “trivializing.”

It gets thrown about in popular media, and often is something you learn to somewhat ignore, just because of how often people lament others “trivializing” some XYZ “really big deal” to them, that seems trite or overblown to others.

And yet...

trivializing

Examine the classic debate between two opposites. Say someone who is pro-renewable energy because he wants to save the planet, and someone else who is pro-fossil fuels because he doesn’t want to be forced to pay top dollar for new, less effective technologies when cheaper alternatives are available.

The first guy accuses the second guy of killing the planet. The second guy feels like the first guy is trivializing his need to not burn a hole in his wallet, and becomes offended, and tells him off. The first guy then feels like the second guy is trivializing his desire to save the planet as an ignoble cause, and fiercely retorts.

This is a case of crossed wires communication-wise of the sort we discussed in “Dale Carnegie’s Most Life-Changing Piece of Advice”, but it goes broader than this, because trivializing comes in many shapes and forms, and it’s hard to detect and harder to combat in nearly all of them.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.

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Comments

Anonymous's picture

Hi Chase,

This is another insightful article. Also want to see if you have done an article on giving girls the appropriate hugs to communicate I'm sexually interested after first date and want to get sexual on the second date.

I found this video on youtube but not sure if it's correct and want to get your take on it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-95O5JZYsCU

Thanks!

David Riley's picture

Hey Anon,

I actually watched the video they do raise some valid points in the video.
*side ways hugs - if you consistently get these you're friend zoned
*bottom hugs and tight squeeze - girls are generally into you
*The last hug (I have no soul hug) is hit or miss because I've see girls all over guys who do this. They're normally in the position where they have already fucked the girl. That's the point where you can generally get away with a handful of things.

One way I've found out how to get out of the more friend hugs if to actually have both my arms out and motion her over, I say "Let me get a real hug." This will generally stop the friend zone hugs. It lets a girl know that you are okay with touching her and are very confident in your sexuality. I wouldn't aim to constantly hug girls because you want to build up some sexual tension. I didn't really see an article on the website for this so I'll make a note to the authors about this.

In the meantime here's a insightful post from our forum members discussing this in detail. Members on Hugging

Take care,

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

This is a very well written article. I'm glad to have read it. It put into words what many people would relate to but consciously can't quite pinpoint. Thank you so much for writing this Chase. I do see that many people including myself have done this. Well, now I will definitely try to apply this to my life.

90210's picture

Hey Chase, I was wondering how to wink at a girl and turn her on?
I know jerks wink at girls excessively and girls dislike it.
But how to wink in such a way that you don't appear creepy?
I guess winking is not a really important factor. It is rather a playful factor,
but I do see a lot of guys good with girls who wink in a very sexy
manner, without appearing like a threat.
Thanks man,

90210

David Riley's picture

Hey 90210,

I will let Chase and the other authors know of your request.

Just Dave

jake's picture

Hey Chase, your article on spotting lies, isn't that based on old nlp that has been debunked? Does this stuff actually work for you, please respond!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Jake-

The only thing with any ties to NLP from that article (here: "Tactics Tuesdays: Tell Someone Lying from Someone Who's Not") was the bit about the corners the eyes move to while accessing or constructing memories. I don't know if that actually stems from NLP though, or if it's just something NLP practitioners found useful and appropriated for their own uses.

Anyway, I've found it relatively reliable when combined with other indicators myself, but if there's been research efforts to debunk this as hocus I'd be interested in seeing it. Can you recall or link me to what you saw debunking it?

Chase

bellastrata_bi_girl's picture

Hi guys!
Please help me to sort this one out. I met this beautiful lesbian a week ago. We met at a party, she told me I have nice eyes, we got to talking all evening and kissed goodbye. Next day she messaged me like crazy and wanted to meet. I was trying to keep things cool and met her after two days. We went on a date and we spent all day toghether. She told me about her family, we both did deep diving etc. she made it clear she was looking for a relationship. I didn't say I was not.
She started asking me for my facebook and how long ago I moved from my previous flat. I didn't give her the information. I was playing with her and I think after a couple of days it's not time to give this personal info to anyone.
Anyway, she kept asking and then stopped. She invited me to her flat for a drink. We met and again talked about everything. She told me she had a bad breakup 5 months ago and she's clean now and she doesn't want anybody to treat her like a medicine so that's why she's asking me about my situation. I told her I'm clean but I didn't give her my story. We ended up in bed.
Sex was very ... average. I was a little disappointed and I went to sleep after. I guess I must've acted strangely because she said someting like "you're moving further and further". At night I started cuddling up to her and all was cool.
Next morning we were both kind of ... cold. You could tell the vibe was gone...
We both went to work.
I felt kinda weird about it and texted her later this day "I can still feel your fragrance, it's so nice" and she texted me back with "really? I thought you were unhappy this morning". So I wrote back "you get me wrong sometimes" and she replied "it may happen, I'm learning you". I didn't text anything back to this one but I texted her the following day. We both finished work in the same city and I sent her a text in the morning "do you want to meet me tonight"? and she didn't reply. I didn't know what was going on so I texted her later "aren't you going to speak to me now?" and she called me up immediately and told me she's at work and she's got work up to her ears today and she will let me know later.
Later she texted "sorry, I'm getting back home, can we meet another day?" and I didn't reply to this one.
She texted again later "can we?" and I wrote back to her later "of course we can. have a good sleep".
It was the end of our conversation. We haven't spoken to each other today.
Guys, what do you think? She was so confident and pushy before sex. it looks as if she'd only wanted sex but if so, why was she going on about our lives and she acted as if she wanted me as her girlfriend?
I really like this one but when she refused to meet me yesterday it was such a big blow considering we had sex the day before...
All my friends keep telling me - tell her you care about her.
But from what I read here it's a bad idea...
I don't want to chase her down her schedule. She refused to meet me, she should offer another day. If I come out with it again that would be chasing.
What to think of this behaviour? I always know when a girl wants only sex and this one seemed like looking for something serious.
What else can I do?
Or should I move on?

Ciao!

Anonymous's picture

Chase, how to keep sex hot in marriage?
And even after children? I guess it's not really your
thing but your advice will be indeed helpful.

David Riley's picture

Hey Anon,

I'm helping Chase out with the comments these days. Anyway one of the best ways of keep sex going in long term relationships is creativity. Most couple just do missionary and the wife feels like sex is a chore. Some men are selfish in bed and only think of their own pleasure. If you want your wife to go crazy over you in bed learn to give her amazing sex.

3 ways to Make her orgasm
5 Pro Sex Tips to Last Longer
How to Be a Good Lover
Sexual Frames
Oral Sex

Let me know if these articles help you are.

Take care,

Just Dave

H.M's picture

Hi dear Chase
First of all I want to thank you because of your amazing and practical steerages. I try to be straight and concise.
Now is more than 10 months that I am in a good and comparatively firm relationship with one of my girlfriends which is the most beautiful ans sexiest of them. I’ve used most of your experiences and advices stated and stressed in your articles and deliberately made her to become dependent and my lover. Unfortunately, the time does its job and in spite of some deliberate challenges and tensions, I think that our relation has become comparatively monotonous and her behaviour is a little cold. (our sexual relationship is always diverse with high satisfaction. I am always a sex material for her but concurrently maybe a potential husband too from her point of view!)
In other hand, there is about 4 months that I started to prepare her mind for 3some or groupsex and I think she indirectly accepted. (of course because of shyness and fear of being judged as a slut she resisted first but recently said that if other partners are strangers, she has no problem with that!)
My specific question is that:
- In accordance with our new situation and its comparative monotony, is it helpful to propel our relation into 3some or groupsex maybe to inject new energy and excitement, or it can be a potential threat? (does 3some or groupsex generally have any risk of losing your partner?)
- Is my evaluation right that she is also pleased and satisfied by this or it can be a test (from her point of view) for me as she look at me as a potential husband?

Best regards.

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