In “What to Text Girls”, I gave you a quick and concise overview over ALL my best strategies and techniques for when it comes time to call and text girls. You could read that article and nothing else, and it would be the 20% that give you 80% of your results.
However, there are a couple more things you can do here and there that will up your chances… and that’s what I want to talk about today.
These are the more advanced techniques and advanced mentalities behind texting in more challenging situations - e.g., when you have a girl who’s being a bit more difficult to get than usual... and you need to pull out the BIG guns (textually speaking).
Anyway, no grand introductions today - just pure tactics and techniques. Let’s get right into it.
Getting Her Phone Number
If you recall what we discussed way back in “Natural Number Swapping”, the best way to get a girl’s number is by not going after the number at all, but by scheduling another meet-up instead. Talk to her for a while, then ask her when she’s free.
As I have mentioned, you don’t want to make a suggestion for a time to meet, because if she doesn’t happen to be free then (which IS unlikely in this day and age), then you’ve got to start tossing out other times to meet, and instantly, you’ve put yourself into an IMMEDIATE dynamic of pursuing her… not good.
In other words, don’t ask her:
“Say, are you free this Thursday?”
Instead, ask her:
“What days are you usually free?”
Once she reveals her schedule, then you can make a suggestion for a time and place to get together. Speak with confidence and as if you expected a “yes” – hesitancy can kill your chances at this point, especially if she’s on the fence about it.
But if you take a strong lead, chances are she’ll just follow – it’s a quality women look for in a man (often unconsciously), not to mention people will tend to follow the path of least resistance, and in this instance, you’re making that the path to saying “yes”, and boom - now she’s following your lead and now you’ve become more attractive to her.
Now, let’s talk techniques… because while they are not really necessary if you come from the right frame, they really can be useful when you’re just starting out and you’re not sure exactly what to say and do.
At the very least, they’re something to fall back on if you draw a blank in the middle of a conversation.
Without further ado, some tactics for getting those digits of hers:
- Bait her into asking you for YOUR number. After you talk about meeting up again, you can simply ask her how the two of you could stay in touch… at this point, she will most likely suggest that you exchange phone numbers. You can then accuse her of being very forward, or pretend like you’re reluctant to give your number out (don’t worry, girls get the joke - although be delicate with this one if you’re way higher in value than she is, or she’s acting like she thinks you are)… and then swap digits.
- It can sometimes be a good idea to ask when a good time to call would be. People are busy, which is why I usually just text… but if I have a feeling I need to speak to a girl some more to make her comfortable with meeting up, I’ll get that intel, just to make sure I won’t call while she’s with her boyfriend, with her parents or at work. You want to make sure you don’t chase women, and you don’t want to play phone tag, either.
- If you’re picking her up in a situation where it’s good to stay innocuous because there are a lot of people around that might throw her judgmental looks for letting herself get picked up, don’t hold up your phone. Hold it in your hand next to your waist and punch the digits in blindly, then hit “send”. You can save the number with her name later when you send her the first text (see: “How to Text a Girl”).
- A very nice, non-gimmicky wording to get a meet-up is a simple yes-ladder… which is, getting a girl to say yes to two simple statements first will make it more likely that she will also say yes to the third.
Here’s an example. When you have a nice vibe with her, say: “It’s interesting talking to you.” When she agrees, say: “We should talk again some time.” And once she agrees to that as well, just ask: “When are you free to grab a drink?”
At this point, she’s already so used to saying “yes” to you that going along with the flow of the conversation is the most natural thing in the world - and the direction the conversation is flowing in, of course, is the two of you exchanging info and meeting again later.
As I had mentioned above, you want to lead women, and come from a position of strength. Instead of asking for her number, TELL her to give it to you. “Write your number down.” Most people are followers, and will do exactly what you want them to do, if you simply tell them to do it. That’s often all it takes… it’s magic.
- If she wants to exchange MSN, Skype, email or Facebook instead of a phone number, chances are she’s not that interested – why else would she not want you to have her number?
You can’t text girls when all you have is their Twitter (well, you kind of could, but it’s not the same).
Of course there might be a hidden boyfriend in the picture, but it’s more likely that giving you her email is just a friendly way of brushing you off. Take it anyway, but don’t spend a lot of time sending emails – it’s not a high probability lead.
Next, let’s have a look at some typical objections a girl might throw up when you ask her for the number, what her words REALLY mean and how you should deal with it:
- “My phone is broken,” or anything along those lines.
There are really two possibilities here – it’s either a lame excuse because she doesn’t want to give you her number, or – gasp – her phone might actually be broken.
You will usually be able to tell from her demeanor which of the two it is, but in either case you’re better off believing her. Telling her that you doubt the veracity of what she’s saying implies that you’re used to girls not wanting to give you their numbers. Just ask for another way to get in touch instead.
- “I don’t know…” If she’s hesitant to give out her number, take on the dominant frame of the leader again, and just give her a nudge. Say something like, “Go ahead, it’s going to be okay.”
When she can tell that you’re certain about what’s going on, she will likely fall in line with what you want to have happen… people always look to other people to see who’s the most certain about any given situation, and then they simply follow that person’s lead.
Just be that guy who’s most certain, and they’ll follow yours.
- If she asks for your number instead, I suggest you just pass – if she doesn’t want you to call her, she won’t call you either. Just say, “No, that’s okay.” If she’s interested, she will often backpedal. And if she does not, you can still follow up with something like, “I don’t give my number out… but we can trade if you want.” That already violates the 80-20 rule of focusing your time on the women who are most interested in you, however.
Or, as a sneaky alternative, you can simply agree with her and say, “Sure, let me put it in your phone”, and then dial your number from her cell. Tricks like that can work, but if you need them you usually don’t have enough attraction to take the interaction anywhere fruitful anyway, so I’d just go with option one – pass, or offer to trade numbers (or, even better: ditch the numbers, and try something crazy - ask her to go somewhere with you right then - “You know what? Forget the phone. Let’s go on an adventure. Right now.” This one doesn’t always work, but it can lead to some surprising results with a girl you were otherwise probably never going to see again).
More Tips to Help You Text Girls
Alright, you have her number... now what do you text her?
Again, I highly recommend you keep it very simple, as we discussed in the previous articles linked to above about phone and text game… just ask her when she’s free and get her to meet up.
This advice follows Pareto’s Law: 80% of your results are going to come from 20% of your effort. That means that if you focus ONLY on those highly effective 20% and don’t do the other 80% at ALL, you can do five TIMES as much of what REALLY works… and get five times the 80%.
In other words, if you do nothing but apply Pareto’s Law to everything you do, your output will quadruple.
On some rare occasions, however, you might meet a girl that you’re really interested in, and where you can just tell that the 20% wouldn’t be enough to get her to come out on a date with you. Be careful not to get hung up on situations like that where you can’t stop thinking about her and end up hung up on a girl who isn’t yours, but making an additional two or three attempts in a case like that is fine.
Some girls actually find persistence sexy, and with the right kind of follow up, they might just change their mind about you. Again, not something I’d recommend as a standard MO, but it might be worth a shot in a few exceptional cases.
In that case, for those rare exceptional few, I give you – some texts you can text girls with that go beyond the simple “let’s meet up” Pareto approach.
Boilerplate Text Messages
The following text was written by a very good friend of mine – he actually writes about sex and romance for women for a living, and he’s also one of the best I’ve seen when it comes to word-smithing written communication… in a way that gets females first curious, then interested, next aroused and finally horny.
This is the message:
“I know you're already interested, I am too, and I would like us to get to know each other in person rather than through text. If I'm wrong about that, and I doubt it, then carry on and may you have a wonderful life. 4pm Friday, Starbucks.”
Do you remember that we talked about demonstrating that you’re perfectly willing to walk away from a situation? We discussed this in detail in the articles about the perfect Hollywood movie seductions.
My friend sandwiches this little demonstration of his detachment between very strong commands for her to move things forward with him.
Of course this text only makes sense if you actually DID get her interested in you previously, and when she’s only being non-responsive now because it’s been a while, or because something else has come up in her life.
If she was never keen on you to begin with, this message will just look silly.
If you had some chemistry though, this text can be VERY powerful. Let’s break it down into its elements:
- He calls out her interest, without being afraid to admit his own, and then tells her what to do (taking the lead again).
- Then he shows her that despite all of the above it’s no big deal.
- Finally he nails her with a specific “call-to-action”, as marketers call it – a very specific time and place to meet up.
This kind of confidence and dominance combined with the obvious nonchalance that underlies this text is VERY intriguing to women, and works very well for my friend… so give it a try.
You don’t need to copy this text word by word obviously when you text girls, but if you can just learn something about the frame of mind it was written from, that alone will do wonders for you.
Trouble Shoot Your Texts to Girls
Here are some text message flirting problems you might run into, and some possible ways to handle them:
- If she’s being testy or defiant, do NOT try to put her in her place over text. In fact, stay completely non-reactive. The best thing you can do is to simply ignore the text altogether, and resume communication a day or two later with something completely non-sequitur, by starting a completely new conversation thread. Path of least resistance, as you recall - and the easiest path of dealing with someone texting her that she needs to straighten out is she simply doesn’t text back.
- If you ARE going to respond to texts that don’t serve you, be playful about it. Exaggerate whatever point she’s making to where it will be absurd and funny. Don’t let your pride get involved – you don’t need to debate her on anything, especially not over text where you don’t have your voice tone to calibrate the impact your words will have.
That means, if you ask her when she’s free and she says she doesn’t know, she’s just SO busy... if you reply with something like “Come on, you can’t be THAT busy,” it looks weak; but if you text her something like “I know... you’ve got SO MUCH hair to wash, right?” it’ll get her to laugh at herself (and perhaps suddenly remember when her schedule is open).
- If you get the vibe that she will probably flake on you, one thing you can do is to beat her to the punch. Suggest a time and date to meet up, but don’t make a firm commitment. Instead, say “I’ll call you then”… and then never actually call her.
Girls flake on guys ALL THE TIME… but if she’s on the receiving end, it will at least get her attention. You can then apologize later and reschedule. Again, it’s usually better to focus on the 20%, but if she IS a girl you really want to pursue, this little technique will up the odds.
- Don’t be afraid to break contact with her for a while.
If you ask her out twice and she’s busy both times, STOP talking to her for a month or maybe even three. If she was really interested but legitimately busy, she will reinitiate. If she doesn’t, chances are she just can’t go out on a date with you right now because she has something else going on in her life… that might change if you call here again 6-8 weeks later.
Don’t text girls to try to schedule dates a week before they will happen… unless she’s either Japanese or a workaholic professional with a very busy schedule, it’s better to be more spontaneous. Putting “fun” into the calendar days in advance also communicates that you’re the provider, and not the lover - see “What Women Want” for more on that one.
If you use these advanced tips to text girls with, you’ll be able to up your odds - even in those situations where they aren’t the greatest.
And tomorrow, in Part II of my Phone Secrets series, I’ll let you in on my techniques like this for when you make that first phone call - and beyond.
Onward and upward,