Tactics Tuesdays: Making the First Phone Call to a Girl


first phone callThere used to be a time when from time to time I'd get a girl's phone number, and then I'd never talk to her again. No first text. No first phone call. Nothing.

Making that first phone call to a girl felt like the hardest thing in the world to do. I was a mess of nerves every time I had to do it. And sometimes I couldn't.

But you never know which one of those first phone calls might be one that'll set your life on a different path. There was a beautiful girl I'd met at a nightclub one night in the summer of 2006 with whom I swapped numbers, and, thinking about it the next day, I was almost too nervous to call. I took out my phone, and went to put it away; I knew if I didn't call her then, I'd never call her. But, unlike so many other occasions back then, I soldiered on and forced myself to make the call.

That beautiful girl from the nightclub I almost didn't call answered my call, and ultimately ended up becoming one of the most important people I ever had in my life and gave me the deepest relationship I've ever had.

And, because I'd been so afraid to call, I'd been a hare's breath away from missing it.

So how do you kick your fear to the curb and get yourself calling the amazing women you meet? How do you get yourself bringing these women into your life, instead of wordlessly letting them slip away?

Well, I devised a few simple, but handy, strategies in the intervening years to make sure that first phone call goes as smoothly, painlessly, and successfully as possible. And I'd like to share those with you here.

 

The Importance of the First Phone Call

There's a weird strangeness around the first phone call that only gets worse and doesn't go away until that call's been made. The weirdness is basically this:

“Will he call, or won't he? And if he does, will it be normal... or will it be weird?

This tension naturally sets in with just about every girl you trade numbers with, and it gets worse as time progresses.

Much worse.

What that basically means then is that if you've ever heard the folks who'll tell you to wait 2 days, 3 days, 5 days, or a week before calling a new girl for the first time... that's just bad advice.

In other words, you're best served by calling women soon.

Now, if you know me, you know I'm a big advocate these days of texting girls. I wasn't always though. And, despite texting's ease and low scariness / risk factor, I strongly believe phone calls have a higher success rate than texting for newer guys.

Why? Well, a phone call's more intimidating for a newer guy, sure.

But, phone calls also give guys a chance to paint a more realistic picture of themselves to women than texting does (texting is, after all, just words on a screen; very hard to communicate much personality through it without coming across cheesy or tryhard), and thus those women tend to grant men they talk to on the phone more leeway than they do men they only communicate with over text. And if you're a newer guy, you probably haven't gotten either your texting or your phone calls down yet, which means you're going to want any extra leeway you can get, and you're going to want to go with the medium that's going to provide you the quickest path to a successful interaction.

Which is why the first phone call is all the more important. It can do for you what texting can't; it gives you a fighting chance at reminding a girl how much she likes you if you didn't make a strong impression the first time around (texting doesn't offer this opportunity, despite the colorful / entertaining texts some guys try to use to accomplish as much).

Despite the power of making that first call, most guys end up nervous. And then, they don't make that first phone call to a girl, or if they do they get anxious and drop the ball and end up kicking themselves after they hang up the phone.

How, then, do you have a successful first call?

first phone call to a girl

 

Killing It on the First Phone Call to a Girl, Every Time

I eventually ended up laying out a few simple steps that, for me, made sure I had a strong first phone call with a girl, nearly every single time. And if you adopt these steps yourself -- and they're all quite quick to put into action right away, trust me -- you're going to see a similar rapid adjustment in your attitude toward calling girls (it's suddenly going to improve a lot).

The steps I laid out for myself back then, that I'll lay out for you now, are as follows...

  1. Text her after meeting her. Just a quick little, "Great to meet someone cool like you! - Jake" is all you need. Just something to break the ice on communicating via phone -- that way, when you call her later, it won't seem awkward or unexpected in the least (even if she doesn't text back, it's irrelevant; I've taken as lovers a number of girls who said nothing in reply to my first text, or didn't get back to me until days later).

  2. Call her the next day. Waiting until much later is no good. In fact, if you meet her in the morning or early afternoon, it's even fine to call her that night provided you don't do it too late.

    In my experience, the ideal times to call women are:

      •  Saturday / Sunday between 11 AM and 2 PM (optimal)
      •  Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday between 7 PM and 9 PM

    If she's in college, you can call her really just about any time, assuming she isn't in class.

    Regardless of where she is in life, the times you'll want to avoid are:

      •  Thursday / Friday / Saturday nights

    because there's a good chance she's either out, or not answering her phone so you'll think she's out. She also gets a strong idea that you may not have much of a social life if you're calling then, too, so be mindful of what you're communicating with the times you choose to call.

    Alternatively, the girl who calls you on a Friday or Saturday night is basically telling you she wants to spend time with you as soon as humanly possible (e.g., 30 minutes in the future? Time to get moving if she calls you then!).

    The one exception to the "No calling girls on Thursday / Friday / Saturday" rule, of course, is if you met her the day before. Then, any time before 7 PM is fine.

  3. Have a story at the ready. There's nothing worse than jumping into a phone call, only to have it go like this:

    You: Hey Dana, how's tricks?

    Her: Great. How're you?

    You: I'm great. What's up with you these days?

    Her: Nothing much. Just school. How about you?

    You: Yeah, nothing much with me either.

    (awkward silence)

    You: So... up to anything interesting in school?

    *shiver*

    Instead, if you come armed with a story -- it doesn't have to be an amazing story, just something cool and simple and straightforward that happened recently in your life is all you need -- things'll go much better.

    Like so:

    You: Hey Dana, how's tricks?

    Her: Great. How're you?

    You: I'm great. What's up with you these days?

    Her: Nothing much. Just school. How about you?

    You: Not terribly a lot. I just had dinner at this new Mexican restaurant nearby. Have you eaten there yet?

    Her: No, I don't think I know it.

    You: Well, it's good. But, the waiter was the most awkward waiter I've ever had. He brought us the menus, and then literally just stood there and waited until we'd read the entire menu. You know, usually waiters give you some time to chat and go through the menu at your own pace. Not this guy though... he just stared us down until we ordered.

    Her: (laughs) So you like Mexican food?

    You: I do, yeah. How about you?

    That's much better, don't you think? Having a little story to jump into gives you something to kick start the conversation, even if she's just coming out of a long day and isn't in a super social mood.

  4. Keep it short. Unless it's a totally amazing call of course. Otherwise, keep things to about 10 minutes maximum, and try to be the first one off the call. Have something to do -- hop in the shower, head out for dinner, take out the dog, meet your buddies for happy hour... whatever.

    Whatever it is, make it reasonably pressing and not something you're just electing to do -- it's something that some external force is putting upon you (it's not your fault it's time to eat; the microwave is beeping). This gives you an easy, natural out, and let's you end the conversation while things are still good. You're not choosing to leave... you've just got to go.

  5. Be walking around. This one was huge for me when I used to get nervous about making a first phone call. Being in motion -- keeping your legs moving -- can do so much for getting your mind occupied and off of fears and nervousness. Especially if you can be out walking to get somewhere else (then you can often combine #s 4 and 5 if you time things right), but you can even walk around in your own home or room and it's almost as good. Don't undervalue pacing in circles in your living room while you make that call, at least as far as taking your mind off any stress is concerned.

  6. Chat her up in one call, ask her out in the next. I find the best way to use the phone to ask girls out is to chat with them in one call, and ask them out in another. If you ask them out every time you talk to them, it gets pressuring and annoying. By stretching it out to every other call, you give women time to get comfortable with you in the calls where you don't ask them out, and you make them a lot more likely to say yes in the calls where you do.

    That next call, by the way, should be probably about three days later if things go well on the first -- but if they go really well, you should call her the next day (and get her out pronto -- move fast, don't dally).

The first call to a girl is something you've got to make, and you can't push it off or skip it just because you're a little nervous or you're not sure she'll bite.

Doing so might just mean you miss out on a woman who would've been one of the most significant people of your life.

Additionally, if you're a beginner and you've been ignoring the first call to focus on texting instead -- you'll probably want to knock that off. Texting's great once your communication skills are highly advanced -- but until then, you're going to have a much easier time, and a much more successful time, with making phone calls to girls.

Talk to you again soon.

Chase

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Comments

JC's picture

What if they don't return the call?


Hi chase, just had to say this was a great article. I enjoyed reading it. I have a few questions, which i believe are on many men's minds too. What if I call a girl and she doesn't pick it up there and then? What do i do with the possible scenarios (these are all that i can think of) that:

1. She returns the call at a later time.

2. She saw the missed call from me and texted me instead to ask what was it about.

3. She did not return the call at all.

Houseofjacques's picture

Hey Chase. Seriously, I hate


Hey Chase.

Seriously, I hate you now. I thought that in our day and age we could skip the first phone call and text straight up after getting a girl's digits. Turns out I have to call! I hate talking on the phone with just about everybody ! :(

Now, I've a question for you.
I was in boxing class the other day and a new face showed up, a girl looking to sign up for the class. I had a look at her and I was instantly smitten. Your blog has drilled something into my head: move fast, or lose the girl. There's no second chances. So I went up to her, talked her up, and got her number. I wasn't very smooth -I'm still a beginner- and I asked her number sort of out of the blue. And I left shortly afterwards. I truly had to leave, and she wanted to talk to the boxing teacher about something, so there was no way I could hang in there a little bit more.

However, I think I moved too fast. When I was getting her number, she straight up asked me, "Do you do this with every new girl?" Ouch. By being forward and quick, I came across as a player.

So this got me thinking, and then this article came around. Your philosophy is: get her number; send her a rapport building text; and then call her. Move fast, get results. But how could this work? I don't doubt your skills, man. But I feel there's something more to it, specially when beginner's do what you suggest. What is the key to making your approach be more balanced? My money's on building strong rapport on the first interaction. Get her laughing, ask her questions, get her to feel good. Then you can be forward. What do you think?

This girl, well, I've texted her twice and she's answered back. She seems interested in going out; she texted me today telling me about this and that and asked me to tell her when I was available. This is a strong sign of interest, and I'd be a fool not to act on it. Is there anyway to salvage my player-like approach? How can I get back into a position where it'd not be weird to call her?

Cheers, and thanks for your useful posts.

Tony D's picture

Nice


Hi Chase. Ynow I rarely call girls. I seem to get most of my work done through texting, but even there I keep it to a minimum.

But when I do call I am almost always walking. Even if I'm in my house I pace around.

Also it helps to call a friend to get socially warmed up.

Laters.

cyclops's picture

how to do actual "asking her out " call after the first "just to


hey Chase ,
You have explained wonderfully how to do the first call.......can u also give the demo call conversation wwhen it comes to the"actual asking her out call"..........Cyclops

sooton's picture

Challenging situation


Hey Chase,
I have a strange situation and would like your advice,
I am an Israeli (american speaker though) living in germany for work, I recently met a very cute german girl at the mall who works at a cellphone shop, as soon as she found out im from Israel, she was chatting me up and the IOI's were flying all over the store, she couldnt stop smiling.
I asked her if she wanted to get a coffee sometime, and she said yes, when we are both free, she wrote down her number and made sure to write her name (which I forgot to ask at the time lol), and I gave her my number as well,
then I said "so i'll call you", and she replyed: "No, I'll message you when I'm free",
its been 3 days and I got no txt, I tried calling yesterday but phone was off (she was in class I guess),
what do you do in this situation? clearly she likes me, but should I have called her instead? maybe earlier? (day later instead of two), should I call her again this evening? or do you think she will txt back?

Thanks,
Love your site,
Sooton

Jeff's picture

Guidelines for after 1st date


Is a phonecall at all helpful after a lukewarm first date?

alex brown's picture

I was in a boxing class one


I was in a boxing class one day, a new outlook, a girl wants signing class. I saw her, I was instantly smitten. Your blog drill things in my mind: the fast-moving, or lose the girl. There is no second chance. So I went to her to persuade her to get her phone number. I am not very smooth, and I'm still a beginner, I asked for her phone number to sort out the blue. I left soon. I really had to leave, the teacher something she wanted to talk about boxing, so I do not, may be in a little bit. http://www.dieselscan.com/

Anonymous's picture

Chat in one call, text in another for meet up.


So what you mean is, one call talk. And then next time a text to ask her out? Would also calling to ask her out do the trick?

Bobs's picture

What if it's raining on a saturday night?


And it's after 7pm and you still haven't called yet? Is it okay to call a girl after 7pm if it's raining then? I mean, chances are she's at the house since it's all wet and nasty outside....

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