Secrets to Getting Girls: Natural Number Swapping


exchanging_cell_phones.jpg

Ever go for a girl’s number, and have it just feel really awkward and contrived? Any idea why that was?

Imagine you’ve met a girl you liked a lot, and the two of you talked for ten minutes. Things went really well for the first seven or eight minutes, but they started to die down at the end. Finally, she says, “Well, I have to go find my friends.” (often, incidentally, a consequence of not moving fast enough with her)

You tell her, “Wait, we have to trade numbers!” But how does that ? You’re very clearly chasing after her, aren’t you?

In that situation, where the woman is walking away and the man is pursuing her, the dynamic is very much not in his favor. We as people tend to value others we have to work for, and when she does not have to do any work – and in fact is running away from the man while he puts in work – it sets up entirely the wrong dynamic.

There are, believe it or not, a number of points in almost every conversation where you can very naturally grab a girl’s contact information. These are called “high points” – the points in the conversation where the two of you are laughing, enjoying yourselves and each other, and having great, fascinating conversation. And there are a few very good reasons why it’s better to grab a phone number after a high point.

Think about it like this. You met someone and had a conversation, but at the end things got a little boring and you decided you wanted to go. And that person then asked for your phone number. You feel a little weird about it, don’t you? I mean, you’re leaving the conversation – you obviously have had enough of talking to them. And now they’re asking for your contact information?

Now, the other side: let’s say you’ve met someone, and you’re having a great conversation. You’re learning cool new things, find this person intriguing, and you’re laughing. In the middle of all of this, your new friend says, “Hey, we’ve got to trade cells so we can keep in touch.” How do you feel now? You probably readily agree to swapping numbers, right?

It feels far more natural to other people to swap numbers when the conversation is flowing well and is exciting and fresh. They think to themselves, “Well, of course I’d like to talk to this person again!” Whereas, the guy who waits until things are dying down at the end of the conversation, he is clearly chasing and pursuing someone who is fleeing and has decided she wants the conversation to end for now.

Getting the phone number in the middle of a conversation, following a high point, is always superior to waiting until the end. There’s really no reason to wait. The only potential awkward moment with a natural number swap is the moment following the trading of numbers: most people are so used to trading numbers at the end of a conversation, they are expecting the conversation to end – but because the conversation was going so well, they don’t really want it to. Which means it will be your responsibility to keep the conversation going, keep the good feelings coming, and help your new friend feel reassured that everything will stay natural and good with you.

Here’s an example of how that might look:

  • Guy: So I ended up with

two computer bags instead of one!

Girl: Haha, that’s so funny!

Guy: For sure. Let’s trade cells, before I forget. Have one of these? [shows her his phone]

Girl: Of course. It’s 1-5-8…

Guy: Hold on a sec, let me get in here. … OK, let me have it.

[after guy has her number and called her so she has his]

Guy: So, nurse, huh… I understand that’s a position in pretty high demand right now.

Girl: Totally, it’s blah blah

You can have her give you her number and call her from your phone so she has yours, or you can have her put your number in her phone and call you. Either way works fine.

The only thing that must be managed to an extent in this exchange is this: the moment after the number swap is a moment of uncertainty, that you must take charge of the moment to let women know that things are going to stay natural and OK in the conversation, and the phone number didn’t change anything. Make certain you manage it, and everything will go smoothly from there.

This is a very strong, confident way of grabbing contact information and continuing on with the conversation, and you will commonly see increased attraction following it. It’s the best way to get phone numbers out there, and 100% natural, too.

Chase Amante

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Comments

Kevin's picture

This is a great way to


This is a great way to exchange numbers. It is very natural and smooth. What are your thoughts on "time bridging" and thoughts on giving her your number and having her call or text you?

Chase Amante's picture

Re: This is a great way to

Author

Great question, Kevin. My thoughts on giving a girl your number and telling her to call or text you is that it's great for experienced guys, but less effective for newer guys.

Reason being, when you're a pretty experienced cat, and you've got a lot on your plate and don't care to be spending a lot of time on girls who aren't already sold on you, giving out your number with instructions to get in touch is a super solid way of weeding out the girls who aren't serious about you.

But when you're new, and you're still building up your base experiences with women, giving out your number can be disheartening when a girl you liked doesn't follow up... so from the new guy's perspective, it can be pretty tough. Newer guys also tend not to make as much of an impact as more experienced guys, and they'll get a markedly lower call-back rate than a guy who's pretty adept at what he's doing and routinely gets women pursuing him.

I'd say, play around with it when you're new, but don't make it your bread and butter. Only once you're making very strong initial impacts on women and they're regularly chasing after you should you allow yourself to lean on handing out your contact information as a reliable way to get girls.

But yeah, if you do hand your details out, and a girl does follow up... you know she's sold! Just set up an easy date, and it's all you at that point.

Cheers,
Chase

Jake's picture

Alertnatives


Hey Chase Keep up the awesome advice! I was wondering if you had anything about trying to exchange numbers as a way to get to know someone better if you had very small or zero conversation? Like for example i take some class at a community college and there are some pretty cute girls but its hard to get to talk to them if there across the classroom or if the whole class the professor is talking. Would it be acceptable to ask them after class and tell them i think there cute and try and exchange numbers or would that be awkward?

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Alternatives

Author

Hey Jake,

Actually, I do have something for this ;)

An old mentor of mine had something he developed that he called the "One Minute Number Close." The basic gist of it was, he'd go up to a girl, open her direct, tell her he wished he could spend some time getting to know her but that he was in a hurry, and then he'd say, "Well, I'll tell you what. Let's trade cells; I'll give you a call sometime, and if we get along on the phone... maybe we can hang out."

I shortened this a bit for my own purposes. If I'm in a situation where there really is no time, I'll say to a girl something short and to-the-point... so in your situation, I'd probably say, "Hey.. hey! I saw you sitting there across the classroom, and I just had to come tell you, you've got this incredible energy about you; it's really attractive. I'm Jake." She'll introduce herself, and you'll say, "Cassidy? Great to meet you, Cassidy. Listen, I know we just met, but I think we should get an ice cream sometime. Would you join me for an ice cream sometime this week?"

And when she says, "Okay," you trade cells, and you're in business. If she says "no," be a little persistent -- "By 'no,' you actually mean 'yes,' right? You can't say 'no' to ice cream... everybody likes ice cream. We should get some -- it'll take five minutes, and if you decide I'm not the man of your dreams you can leave and continue the search."

Hope this helps you get a couple of dates with some classroom cuties, brother ;)

Chase

Nightflyer's picture

if the girl does NOT want to give her # after a high point


Hi Chase,
Let's say everything is going smooth, I make her laugh, we hit a high point after which I ask for her number. And she says "No" (boyfriend, not comfortable or whatever the reason is), what should I say or do to make it less awkward in that situation? Should I continue with the conversation as if nothing has happened? Should I excused myself politely and leave? What would you do?

Thanks,

Nightflyer

HiBS's picture

" I have a BF" or "other excuses"


Hey this is Coach HiBS-Live Infield Coach for Flash Fontenelli "Flash Formula"-

To CHASE: First off I was turned on to this site from my boy who teaches "social circle game" at our bootcamps- and Chase,im not qualifying you-I must say-Im impressed-not that you need to impress me-you seem to be doing amazing things. Respect. Id also like to extend a solid invite to Scottsdale Az and hang with us anytime!

TO: Nightflyer-first off i would ignore it, as if like "yeah , yeah-thats for all the other guys."-sometimes i will say that-

HibS:*smile," thats for those other guys."implying that im not those guys
:"ok what is it?" -implying her number-

(and, or)

HiBS:" you cant say NO"-*said playfully

Her: why?

HiBS:*said playfully "cause ill be sad"-*playful "sad face"
BF Destroyer,
"The HIBS SPECIAL"

HER: "I HAVE A BF!!! blah blah blah;)"

HiBS: After I run above...

HIBS-," are you going to merry him?"

HER: thinking to her self - most men WILL SIMPLY NOT STACK UP HERE

HiBS- "well, if you're Not going to Merry him, .And , if it's Not FOREVER, then you have no reason Not to hang out with me.*devilish grin-casualy say-" besides, im just fun to hang out with."

The last statement is a softener-i was sellin it hard..so, i want to end on the casual to show a NON - Neediness (bait, hook, reel, release)-Regarding your delivery: be sure to not be needy,more simply, "Playful and matter of fact."
"....assume the close, get number-

SIDE NOTE: ive gotten business cards from girls BC her man was around the corner telling me to TXT HER - i told her that if he comes by that im an old GAY friend;)-this allows me to be playfully touchy feely to her, around him.(don't stay long)..Hehehehe- Evil- i know, you're welcome...

HibbITY BIbbITY- HiBS-
my GF hates it when i refer to "Game" as "Slut Magic" :P

Anonymous's picture

youre evil coach HiBS *jokingly*


Dude, thats kinda screwed up, i mean its smart, but thats really messed up, but oh well, im transitioning from being that guy that gets the girl and moves slowly into the fast moving guy which is what i usually am when i dont care about the girl im talking to, i seem to get girls way easier when i dont care about them, too bad it took til now to put two and two together, by the way, sorry for going waaay off topic, ive just been reading this guys articles and i find them really helpful and interesting

Sam's picture

Missed out?


Hey Chase,

Your website has been quite educational for me. I have met a real nice girl who I also work with. We have quite different shifts at work and don't see her there often, but I think we did hit it off a bit at a christmas party. Stupidly I didn't even attempt to get her number, and after reading some of your articles I believe I have made many mistakes since the night about a week ago. I have been talking to her through online chat, but am scared I might be appearing like I'mm "Sitting by the phone" and needy.

I would really like to get to know her better, but don't how where to go from here. And how to go about trade numbers with her online, as we simply haven't had a long enough conversation for me to ask without the awkwardness.

Thanks,

Sam.

Anonymous2012's picture

bad ending


hey chase i need some awesome advise(:
i have this great girl that i like and have her number so i text her
and then i introduce myself to her and i follow up but, then i make like statement not question or something else and end a bad ending with her like i said " i must be snowflake cuz im falling for you" -think that to much pressure or something she din't reply back. i ruined it on the first texts because i m kind stranger still lit of bit but kind remember me from last time we met or i did something wrong dont know. So how do start my text next time and try to make her text me instead of me texting her? and fix all of this?

Anonymous's picture

co-worker numbers ?


I know this is a website to give advice to men but was hoping you could help me.

Had a crush on a guy at work who is 30 I am 18 I put it aside as a silly work crush. I see him looking at me all the time. Hes always making jokes with me and for work when we had to go a drive he was driving fast as if he was trying to impress me with fast driving I might be reading too much into this.

He was on nightshift so wasn't in all last week and I went into work on the thursday and there was a note left on my desk it was from him it said hi and the nickname he calls me and he had wrote his number and told me to text him.

Problem 1 - Phone had no money till the following week. it is a contract was waiting on contract getting updated.

Problem 2 - He wouldve been waiting for a text all weekend and may even feel embarassed for leaving number with no respone what if it is aqwuard or he has lost interest now ?

He couldve gave me th enumber in person at any time but chose to go into my office and leave it there.. is this a friendly note or flirty??
I put the note in my desk and think he wouldve went into my office to see if it was there and probably went into my desk drawer as that was the pen he used to write the note I wrote my number on the same note today and put it in my desk drawer hoping that he sees it.

how do i approach this??

Big age gap I know just a fling but I'm so attracted to him its driving me mad at work!!!

please advise is he into me ??

Anonymous's picture

Nice Post


I just give girls my iPhone and have them type in their contact information. Some of them even enter their address...very good signs. Then I text them and say hi, this is that cute guy you were talking to...then they laugh and then we continue conversation like nothing happened.

Anonymous's picture

Whether she likes me or not!!! Confused!Help


Hey chase, so i like this girl in my office.We know each other but not that much like you know like buddies. Little less than buddies,more like office pals. She is in other dept. Our work timings dont match but still we do have a friendly chat a little whenever we meet in cafeteria or near water cooler etc. or sometimes on messenger and have a friendly conversation. While face to face conversation we both initiate the conversation but on messenger i am always the one who initiate the conversation.She never texts me anything.... apart from that i have also noticed that
1. that she dont talk to too many people in office especially guys as she does it with me and also she stares a at me lot (Like trying to say something) and when i notice that i look at her and after a sec or so she smiles and says hi "name" and looks away and in return i say hey "her name" and we pass by or she gets back to talking to her friends etc.The other day we met each other quite a lot of time so i complimented her "It's u again!".That was our last meet that day.but she kind of giggled and left.
2. that sometimes i have seen her that she tries look over here and there in an crowded cafeteria searching something and when she finds me noticing her already she looks away all of sudden.I have even seen her friends stare at me.
3. I was sick few days back so i asked her (on messenger) hi whether she has any aspirin kind of stuff with her she said nope but got very caring and started asking "what happened? are you sick?go and take some rest (in a demanding way) and during the end of conversation all that sad smiley and see you and take care". The day when i returned to the office i saw her approaching towards water cooler where i was already standing but i acted like i didnot see her and suddenly she was asking me like "hi how are you feeling today?what happened that day?" etc stuff. after the conversation we looked in each other eyes like for an second or so and both smiling and going our ways.But she had like caring kind of smile like i wish i could talk to you more.You know you can tell what the other person is thinking.
I asked her for coffee once since i was going alone but she said that she was just about to leave for home(and she actually did). I haven't asked her since then.
I am not a funny guy or a humorous guy but i am kind of easy to go guy.
I seriously dont know whether she likes me or just trying to get my attention. and if she likes me why is she not coming with me for a cup of coffee or anything or initiates a talk over messenger like lets do something etc. so that we can always be in touch. being her shy makes me nervous whether i should approach this girl or not. Whether she thinks i am a out of control freak or she knows i like her? I am confused. help!!

Edward 's picture

Need advice


Hey Chase,
I work in the cell phone industry and I always meet great people. I have lots of beautiful women that come in and we get along and I make them laugh and we hit it off. I always want to ask for a number but im not sure if she was into me or if she was just being nice. But at the same time I dont want to ask for her number at work because im not sure if she would get the wrong idea and complain to the managers. What should I do?

me21's picture

This link


You describe this guy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bvkGlks_7xo

Wanted to share that, and it fits so well into the description of fast escalating. Asian as well.

Bryan L's picture

What about online?


Hey Chase, you've given some great advice I'd love to try in person some time, but doesn't work too well for my situation. I met a really nice girl the other day, and we seemed to get along just fine, but my ride was leaving and I had to take off. We left on perfectly good terms, no one left from boredom at all. We've become friends on Facebook, but she doesn't seem to be on the site too often, which is a problem for messaging from my end of things. How would you suggest asking for her number? It's actually on her profile, but I feel it would only hurt the cause to just start texting her and that I should really ask her for it

Matty's picture

Hey


Hi, I found your post through google and enjoyed it

I like it how you say

"There are, believe it or not, a number of points in almost every conversation where you can very naturally grab a girl’s contact information. These are called “high points” - the points in the conversation where the two of you are laughing, enjoying yourselves and each other, and having great, fascinating conversation."

I have began using this and get results

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