Ever go for a girl’s number, and have it just feel really awkward and contrived? Any idea why that was?
Imagine you’ve met a girl you liked a lot, and the two of you talked for ten minutes. Things went really well for the first seven or eight minutes, but they started to die down at the end. Finally, she says, “Well, I have to go find my friends.” (often, incidentally, a consequence of not moving fast enough with her)
You tell her, “Wait, we have to trade numbers!” But how does that ? You’re very clearly chasing after her, aren’t you?
In that situation, where the woman is walking away and the man is pursuing her, the dynamic is very much not in his favor. We as people tend to value others we have to work for, and when she does not have to do any work – and in fact is running away from the man while he puts in work – it sets up entirely the wrong dynamic.
There are, believe it or not, a number of points in almost every conversation where you can very naturally grab a girl’s contact information. These are called “high points” – the points in the conversation where the two of you are laughing, enjoying yourselves and each other, and having great, fascinating conversation. And there are a few very good reasons why it’s better to grab a phone number after a high point.
Think about it like this. You met someone and had a conversation, but at the end things got a little boring and you decided you wanted to go. And that person then asked for your phone number. You feel a little weird about it, don’t you? I mean, you’re leaving the conversation – you obviously have had enough of talking to them. And now they’re asking for your contact information?
Now, the other side: let’s say you’ve met someone, and you’re having a great conversation. You’re learning cool new things, find this person intriguing, and you’re laughing. In the middle of all of this, your new friend says, “Hey, we’ve got to trade cells so we can keep in touch.” How do you feel now? You probably readily agree to swapping numbers, right?
It feels far more natural to other people to swap numbers when the conversation is flowing well and is exciting and fresh. They think to themselves, “Well, of course I’d like to talk to this person again!” Whereas, the guy who waits until things are dying down at the end of the conversation, he is clearly chasing and pursuing someone who is fleeing and has decided she wants the conversation to end for now.
Getting the phone number in the middle of a conversation, following a high point, is always superior to waiting until the end. There’s really no reason to wait. The only potential awkward moment with a natural number swap is the moment following the trading of numbers: most people are so used to trading numbers at the end of a conversation, they are expecting the conversation to end – but because the conversation was going so well, they don’t really want it to. Which means it will be your responsibility to keep the conversation going, keep the good feelings coming, and help your new friend feel reassured that everything will stay natural and good with you.
Here’s an example of how that might look:
- Guy: So I ended up with
two computer bags instead of one!
Girl: Haha, that’s so funny!
Guy: For sure. Let’s trade cells, before I forget. Have one of these? [shows her his phone]
Girl: Of course. It’s 1-5-8…
Guy: Hold on a sec, let me get in here. … OK, let me have it.
[after guy has her number and called her so she has his]
Guy: So, nurse, huh… I understand that’s a position in pretty high demand right now.
Girl: Totally, it’s blah blah
You can have her give you her number and call her from your phone so she has yours, or you can have her put your number in her phone and call you. Either way works fine.
The only thing that must be managed to an extent in this exchange is this: the moment after the number swap is a moment of uncertainty, that you must take charge of the moment to let women know that things are going to stay natural and OK in the conversation, and the phone number didn’t change anything. Make certain you manage it, and everything will go smoothly from there.
This is a very strong, confident way of grabbing contact information and continuing on with the conversation, and you will commonly see increased attraction following it. It’s the best way to get phone numbers out there, and 100% natural, too.
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