Student of the Game: How to Succeed with Women
from Chase: Colt first got in touch with me almost two months
ago to tell me he'd gotten a great deal out of reading the blog and
here and asked if he might contribute something. My response to this
was, "Let's see what you've got, kid!" So he sent along the following
article. Here it is, with but a few edits, Colt's first post as a
"Student of the Game." Below, please let us know if you've enjoyed
hearing from a newer guy who's doing well yet still working out a few
of the kinks in his approach toward women and if you'd like to see more
from Colt in the future.
When I first started actively approaching women, I had a million voices in my head telling me that I couldn’t succeed with women, that I shouldn’t succeed. How could a regular guy like me be able to charm women like Casanova? If every other man in the world had, at best, mediocre success with girls, why would I do any better? I didn’t want to step out of the norm... I didn’t even know how.
Deep down, every man, I believe, wants to be unique. Every man wants to show women why they should choose him and nobody else. But believing that you can succeed can be a hard roadblock; taking the first step isn’t always easy. If you’ve had difficulty with taking the first step, chances are that’s why you are on this site. And if that’s the case, this post is for you.
How to Succeed with Women: Rethinking Possible
I used to aimlessly peruse through pick up artist books and websites looking for that nugget of gold, that easy fix that would turn my love life upside down. I used to read about all of these techniques that guys would use, and would always think to myself that it was simply not possible. How could a guy just walk up to a girl and pull her in close? How could a guy start conversations by telling a women how sexy they were, and actually use that to sleep with girls?
I always just wrote these things off as scams to get me to buy these books.
However, although I had written these crazy claims off, I was still stuck in a rut. I hadn’t gone on a date with a girl in almost a year and felt like I had run out of options to succeed with women. So one day, I just thought, “What the hell, I know it won’t work, but I’ll give it a try.” I had enrolled in a dance class that met two nights a week and there was a dancer in the class who was extremely attractive. I had never said more than two words to her, so I really had nothing to lose. We were getting ready for some partner routines, and she was sitting on the floor stretching. Before any guy had the chance to ask her to be his partner, I decided to walk up to her.
My heart was racing and I just kept thinking, “You’re an idiot and are going to make a fool out of yourself,” but my feet kept moving. When I reached her, I stuck my hand out and gave her the sexiest “I want to take you home and make you scream until you rip my sheets apart” look I could muster up.
The next part…was a little surprising to me. She leapt into my arms and gave me the exact same look. So, for the rest of the night, I just kept giving her that look as we practiced our routine. After we had gotten done, I said bye to her, and as I walked away, I kept thinking, “That was a fluke, girls don’t think like that.” The next day I got a text from an unknown number that went:
Her: Hey Colt! I got your number from Joey. It's Liz!
I wasn't expecting this at all - but it was a very pleasant surprise. I replied:
Me: Hey Liz! How’s it going?
Her: Pretty well…I’ve been thinking about texting you all day. Honestly, I can’t stop thinking about yesterday, what are you up to later?
I was in shock. I couldn’t believe what had happened. I ended up taking her to bed that night and she became one of the most important girls I would ever meet. But I still wasn’t convinced…it was one girl…right? I decided to read up on some psychology and other PUA books and went into it with far more of an open mind. I started trying every opener there was; silent and sexy, indirect openers, direct openers, everything. And as I got more and more experience, I realized that it wasn’t a fluke at all. These unconventional techniques seemed uncomfortable at first, but my success rate with them was far too convincing.
I began to realize, that the ability to succeed with women I wanted to attain wasn’t impossible…in fact, the possibilities were endless.
The Power of Inspiration
For my first few months of active approaches, I kept thinking, “How could this be?” It went against everything I had been taught growing about being a gentlemen and being proper. It even went against everything I had learned in school about fitting in with what everyone else is doing. After countless hours of researching, approaching and reflecting, I came to understand the power of inspiration.
Every day as we walk out into the world, we spent most of our time in autopilot. We think about the errands we have to run and the responsibilities we have. Even the interactions that we have are scripted: “How are you?” “How's your family?” etc. We walk around expecting to know everything that’s going to happen to us. This is exactly why we remember things that are out of the ordinary. Our brains are actually wired to better remember events based on how much adrenaline is pumping. And if you’re a girl talking to a sexy guy that you just met… guess what? That adrenaline is pumping, big time.
When you’re first meeting someone, people have little interest in what you’ve done with your life. Why would they? They just met you. What people really care about is how you make them feel.
Let me borrow some words from Maya Angelou: “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Truer words have never been uttered. And this could not be said enough for women, who, even more than men, are emotional beings through and through.
So how do you become this inspiring man who affects women deeply? How can you learn to move people in truly rare ways?
Well, here are some of the starting points for becoming exactly that kind of man:
- Believe that you can succeed. If you’re just starting out, use my story as an example. There was no one who could’ve been more skeptical than I was, but you have to trust that the tips on this site and in the programs sold here will get you where you need to be. And if you don’t trust it, you may as well try it anyway, because you have nothing to lose… and hey, maybe you’ll prove us wrong! Check out Part V of Ricardus' series on "How to Pick Up Girls" for more on believing you can succeed with women.
- Focus on the emotions you outwardly display. We’ve talked about these things called mirror neurons, which are neurons in people that mimic the emotion you are displaying. So, if you want to inspire women, focus on being a warm person and being a sexy man, and walk with these emotions emanating from your very being. If you start your interactions in these emotional states, you’ll always hit the ground running.
- Dive deeper. This cannot
be stressed enough. Women won’t see you as unique or inspiring if you talk
about things they discuss every day. Instead of small talk, talk about a girl’s
hopes and dreams, the swing she would have afternoon chats with her
sister on, her journey in the Amazon, and anything else that truly
matters to her. And if you truly take in interest in her words,
reinforce the power of her emotions by rewarding her while remaining
sexy. She won’t be able to stop herself from being attracted to you. If
you want more deep diving details, see "The Art of the Deep Dive."
- Open in the right way.
Unfortunately, you can’t force inspiration on women. So if you haven’t
read the stuff on opening, you may want to look it
over. There's a wealth of information on opening here on this site, and
even more nuanced guidelines in the book and mastery package.
Also, most people who actively pick up women will tell you that it doesn’t matter what you say, just how you say it. This is very true, but for many guys starting out, especially with direct openers, this can be even harder than just having something scripted to say. So first, see Ricardus’ post on “Are you single?” In addition, here are a few lines that I’ve used that are tried and true (of course when said with intrigue/sexiness): “Hey there, what’s the most important thing that an intrigued stranger should know about you?” [Get her attention, then]: “Who is the most interesting person that you’ve met today [this can directed in so many great directions].” I’ve used these and other variations, but I think you get the general sense.
- Be positive. This could be a post in itself, but it will become much easier for you to sustain your efforts to succeed with women and inspire others if you remain positive. See your failures as learning experiences. There is an idea known as the four archetypes of manliness. The two that I’ll briefly highlight are the warrior and the king. The warrior doesn’t see failure, he only sees a challenge. And the king never lets setbacks disturb his pure tranquility. Adopt these mindsets and you will give other people value and supercharge your success as you learn and adapt your style and techniques.
- Be romantic. Nothing is
more inspiring than a true lover of life; the love of life is
contagious, and people who give that feeling to others will attract
them to know end. Become a true lover of life and women, and you become
someone who holds this power yourself, too.
It took a long time to make me a believer. But over the years, being unique and inspiring has become who I am, how I identify myself. Taking the first step is never easy, but once you’re convinced, once you know that you will succeed, you’ll leave Casanova in the dust. Be unconventional and become inspiring, and trust me, you’ll never look back.
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