Secrets to Getting Girls: Nicknames and Callback

Ask a guy what his LEAST favorite thing in socializing and seduction is, and it's usually going to come down to a few common issues. Here are a handful of those that we're going to focus on addressing today:

• “I hate it when things are going really well with a girl, and she leaves to go to the bathroom and when she comes back it's like everything's changed and she's more serious and there's this weird awkward vibe there now.”

• “It kills me when I made this great connection with a girl, but when I talk to her on the phone or via text she won't answer. Or she does answer, but it's like we're strangers again and it doesn't go anywhere.”

• “Something that totally sucks is when things are going great, and we start kissing or getting intimate, and she breaks it off and all of a sudden gets weird.”

Those are all different sides of the same coin: when a girl likes you, is vibing with you and connecting with you, and then breaks out of that state. Suddenly, it's like the spell is broken; before, she was transfixed by you, but now, she doesn't know what to say or do or how to react. And if you don't fix it fast enough, it stays awkward for too long and she jumps ship.

What happened? Why do things like this happen, and how can they be fixed?

Here's the summary of what's happened: before, when she was caught up in your spell, she was riding high on her emotions, listening to her heart, and giving in to all the good feelings that she felt going back and forth between the two of you. Something snapped that connection though, and pulled her out of those feelings – maybe it was her going to the bathroom; maybe it was that phone call that interrupted your conversation at the café; maybe it was the time lapse between when you grabbed her number and when you spoke again.

Whatever it was, the next time you spoke, she didn't know how to get back to that connection. And unless you were able to bring her back into it again, it became awkward and she left.

Think about an old friend you haven't seen in a long time. How do things go when you first meet each other? Well, there's a “feeling-out” period where you ask each other about each other's lives to try and get that connection again. “How's Annie? Are you still playing tennis? Still working for XYZ Inc.? Thinking about going back to school or you think you'll stay there?” It's only once you've reestablished that bond once again that you used to have that things start flowing smoothly and with less stops and starts in the conversation. And once it's flowing again with an old friend, it never becomes awkward, because you have plenty of things to call back, talk about, and if necessary ask about if you need to.

Now think about a new girl you've just met. You've already asked each other the standard boring interview questions: who are you, where are you from, what do you do. You've maybe delved a little deeper and talked about childhoods or past relationships or what drives and motivates you. Now suddenly the vibe is broken; what do you talk about now?

That's where social savvy needs to come into play. That's where you need to take charge and get the conversation back on track. Because believe it or not, for as socially savvy as most women are, most of them still aren't savvy enough to know how to get a conversation back on track all that well. They're looking to you, the man, to take charge and lead them out of that weird awkward No Man's Land of broken vibing and back to a good connection again.

The guys who fail are viewed by women as average guys with average socializing capabilities. The guys who succeed are viewed by women as exceptional men with exceptional social grace, and get a subsequent boost in attractiveness to boot.

What makes this a Secret to Getting Girls? What it is that makes it that is that a dropped vibe is something that's going to occur in virtually every single interaction you have with a woman, somewhere along the line. With most women it's going to happen more than once. And what differentiates the men who get the girls from the men who don't, in this instance, is what they do in this situation.

Thus, nicknames and callbacks. The two serve very precise roles in these situations – specifically, to bring a girl back to the feeling she had while vibing with you earlier, or to use laughter to defuse awkward tension and show her it's not a big deal. Let's look at each in some detail.

Nicknames

Nicknames are powerful things. They can be used as terms of endearment and show comfort and familiarity with a person. They're also frequently fun and can be used to deflate tension and make a girl laugh at herself and feel more comfortable with you. One of the most fun and rewarding things you can do for your socializing is getting in the habit of giving girls you like nicknames. Here are a few examples of some less common nicknames I frequently use:

• Dork
• Goober
• Firecracker
• Punk

I also use some terms of endearment that are more common:

• Sugar
• Honey
• Sweetheart
• Kiddo
• Love

The great thing about these is that you can call upon them in one of those dropped vibe moments even if you've never used it before. It'll look like these:

[girl comes back from talking to friends and stands next to you; awkward pause in the conversation]
You: Hey Goober.
Her: [laughs] Hey. How's your drink?

or

[you call a girl up you haven't spoken with since you met her two days ago]
You: Howdy, Firecracker. How's life?
Her: Heeey! It's good. I've been...

or

[conversation comes to a natural quiet point, but she seems to be feeling uncomfortable with it]
You: Hey Love, listen to this. [story]

As you get to know a girl better, giving her a specific nickname that's unique to the two of you is very useful. For instance, maybe you get into the habit of calling a girl you're getting to know “Tigress” because she's sneaky and ruthless, or “Beach Baby” because she likes hitting the beach. Personal nicknames have a very strong instant connection to positive emotions (since you generally only use them in fun / warm / positive ways) and can be extremely effective ways of recalling good feelings, and even helping take the edge off or defuse an argument. There was even a recent study that found that couples who used pet names while fighting were far more likely to remain civil during an argument. It's some pretty strong medicine.

Callback

Callback is another very powerful way of restoring a connection that was broken. There are two main forms of callback: Callback Humor and Callback Stories.

Callback Humor works by calling back something funny that you said or did earlier. For instance, I met a girl at a bar who got something wet on her elbow and started sniffing it. “Hope that's not pee,” I said, and she laughed. Later, she left to go to the bathroom and returned five minutes later. She stood there awkwardly for a moment, unsure how to pick up where we left off. “Didn't get any pee on your elbow in there, did you?” I asked her, calling back the comment from earlier. She laughed, and we went right back into talking again like she'd never stepped away, and I slept with her later that night.

You can recall a joke, an event, anything. Maybe a little old lady ran into a mailbox earlier and you both laughed and scolded each other for laughing at that poor little old lady. Later on, the conversation dies down. You use callback: “I'm just waiting for another little old lady to run into something else on this street,” you remark, and she starts laughing and tells you you're bad. It's back on, and you're both laughing and kidding around again and vibing all over again.

Callback Stories work by calling back an unfinished conversational thread that began earlier. Very straightforward, actually. Here's one example:

[conversation dies]
You: You started telling me before that you painted. Tell me a little more about that.
Her: Oh, right! Well, I...

You can even “callback” to things you haven't even touched on yet. Like so:

[conversation dies]
You: You never told me what really drives you, you know. What you're really passionate about.
Her: That's a big question. There are SO many things I want to do that...

~~~~~~~~~~~

So, pretty handy, right? What's so GREAT about using nicknames and callbacks is that they're versatile enough that you don't need to have set precedent (e.g., already have established a nickname or already have some joke to call back to) to use them, as illustrated in some of the examples for each above. They're just really flexible, easy-to-fit pieces that can mean the difference between an interaction sputtering out, and a girl staying in your life and the two of you doing good, fun things together.

Start using nicknames and callbacks today, and you'll be able to avoid pretty much any awkward moment you run into -- and keep your interactions running smooth, well, and on to success.

Best,
Chase