What Women Want | Girls Chase

What Women Want

It's an age old question – one that most men spend their lives trying, unsuccessfully, to figure out. What do women want? Books and films have been made about it; men have spent fortunes in pursuit of it; reputations have been staked upon and lost in the timeless search for the answer. Even the venerable (now largely-discredited) Sigmund Freud, who claimed to have spent thirty years peering into the “feminine soul”, ultimately found himself asking, close to his death, “What does a woman want?”

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.

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David's picture

This is the best article I have ever regarding what women want. For a long time I just tried to be a woman's friend thinking that would turn her on. I would listen to all her problems and then realize that she was off screwing the guy she was complaining about because he brought the sexual tension she needed.
I am married now but I think being a friend, lover and provider is a life long process.

Anonymous's picture

The last thing women want is sex.

Men, read the above line 9X until you get it.

What you want is exactly what she doesn't want. Why? Because she can have that anytime she wants like going to the fridge to grab a drink. She knows every man wants to get in her pants and as soon as she feels that's the first place you are trying to reach there she is going to blow you off.

Think of it this way. Hitting on a woman on the street or coffee shop is like a homeless guy hitting you for a dollar. That homeless guy is coming from a very needy place and his solicitation which is almost always at the wrong time and place is f*cking annoying.

But that is the way women feel when you approach them.

What women want is what they wanted for millions of years.

They want a protector, provider and papa who will stay with her long enough to provide the first two qualifications until her offspring is ready for independence. So that's what she is hard-wired to want.

Mary's picture

Not entirely true. I'm female and I love sex probably more than my partner does. I have a massive sex drive though so perhaps a lot of (not all) women don't prioritize sex over friendship and provider.

You are right that we can get sex anywhere but do we want it from anyone ...nup. We want it from the guy who creates the sexual tension (lover), the guy who has drive and ambition (the provider) and the guy who makes us laugh and gives us a cuddle when we are pms'ing (friend) but most of all the guy who doesn't stagnate and who isn't complacent. Mix it up boys, research different things to do, subjects to discuss and you'll be sought after. I personally seek novelty and that's possibly because I'm a vivacious (occasionally a tad bit nutty) Gemini.

Brilliant article. I think the writer could be a woman if I didn't know better.

Anonymous's picture

nah it takes a man who cares aloot about this stuff dive deep and to put the pieces together love ;)

If a woman already knew all these things in the forefront of her mind awesome dudes like this wouldnt have to figure them out

Cheers

TheFlump's picture

You are literally a retard....

you said women can have sex whenever they want...but women don't just want any sex they want good sex with someone they find attractive.

think of it this way. you're going to the fridge to grab a drink and all you find is stale orange juice and flat coke...you gunna sit there and drink it or you gunna make the effort to get a better drink.

I'm guessing you're a woman, or maybe you're a man that no women find attractive and you've came up with the only explanation you can think of.

either way I'm betting you're very sexually frustrated.

Anonymous's picture

they can have sex whenever they want if they are young-looking enough. When they aren't that good looking and there aren't that good looking a man around then we use alcohol. Without alcohol nobody would be having sex in Western societies!

Women don't know what they want. This has to do with feminism mostly and the pill. In populations where these two variables don't exist [e.g. muslims, amish, heuterites] or exist to a bare minimum [e.g. jews, gypsies, indians, africans] women are less confused and know exactly what to aim for.

Jimbo's picture

"they can have sex whenever they want if they are young-looking enough. When they aren't that good looking and there aren't that good looking a man around then we use alcohol. Without alcohol nobody would be having sex in Western societies!

Spoken like a true clueless virgin.

Gil's picture

Well put!

Anonymous's picture

This pretty much well sums up what we women want. But in turn we have to feel needed and wanted or otherwise it won't work. Most women have a need to nurture and if she feels she can't help then she'll find someone she can. All in all though it is for the most part very true.

Jimbo's picture

Help do what? Like fixing a broken man?

Javier's picture

This is a great post!

Anonymous's picture

First, i'd like to note 2 points:
1] This is a very interesting article that i can say about it: "it's so close to the solving of the mystery", yet not quite due to the difference between women personalities themselves ;)
2] In the security/provider reign; you made it sound more of materialistic!! it'll be only fair to mention that while "most" women truely think that way, there are others whom "security & stability" for them is more about "holding on" rather than "letting go"... In other words, a women can sacrifice to stay beside a man who's willing to hold on to her like forever, rather than a man who's given her all what she wanted but can just quit & leave her behind the moment he gets bored....and that's where my remark comes in:

In paragraph 4, under the title: "Being what women want", in the sentence : "We're talking about becoming the kind of man who can keep a woman around as long as he wants her.".....There is this phrase: "as long as he wants her"!!!..... so does that mean it's ok for him to throw her away if he doesnt want her anymore, or he got bored & found some new woman?!

see, that's where a woman, no matter how head over heals for a man, will never accept.... again there are, however, those who only care about the materialistic stuff & dont care much about that, BUT even those women if they found another person with the same materialistic support as the one they are with but will give them that sense of "holding on", they'll leave the one they have for the later.

Second, for the applause:
i'd say you've really rapped it up in the most short but to the point statement which makes this article worth much in your last sentence: "what women really, truly want, is a man who tries." & specifically the last phrase "is a man who tries" ... because maybe he wont become everything, but she'll appreciate alot that he's trying :)

Anonymous 2's picture

I agree, and feel like I got this part down. I fall into the slow guy in ur other post. Women and Men in a relationship (not sure where I stand on the courtship rules) are both not 100 percent happy, and like something spicy. Guys when we bag our chick, we stil lexpect them to dress sexy often, and to be open to what ever.
But I was with a girl where I was all three, and had her family rooting for us, except her best friend was jealous. Being all three is not hard, but you have to be open minded, want the realationship to last, and calm the ego. All guys seem women who get there dream guy and leave them for something stupid, and even females states a woman would cheat if she not happy or getting what she want, even if she is going to regret it. My gf was just like that, she wanted to be married and I didnt give it to her. (I wanted us to build up our trust, and us to cancel our membership to online dating accounts. She wanted to stop all that after she got the ring). And when went to get married, she wanted me to stop her. I stil l have her chasing me. but in my case, dealing with a cheater is another topic. I have a best friend that bc I was all three is so confuse, now that I am trying to maintain our friend title, and she handle it. But all three is needed.

Karen's picture

Wow! Just found this website and as a lady, I have to say that most of the blogs are correct, especially this one. Lately, I have been asking myself want I want in a relationship. This sums it up perfectly. I have guys that are just friends and lovers. Reading this helped me realize that I need the combination of all three. Now I just need to find the guy that I can see as more than a friend and more than a conquest.

Also, reading these blogs made me realize how women can make a guy go crazy!

Some guy's picture

As always, great article Chase. Your site is super informative and I have learned a lot. That being said, I have a dilemma being stuck in the "provider" niche with this one girl. This is also a reocurring theme with me. We've been dating for a couple months, we make out multiple times a day (and even she gets very handsy) and I've tried to bed her multiple times but no dice, she insists that we wait because she wants long term commitment. I have no interest in a long term relationship with her, but I do want to bed her. How do I accomplish this without being a scumbag liar? Thank you in advance.

Crispy's picture

Honestly, you can't- unless she changes her mind.

This is one of those situations where no one comes out on top. Your interests are completely misaligned. She wants a boyfriend, you want a hookup/FWB. Since you seem to care about not being the "scumbag liar" I'm going to assume you're not the douchebag/hit-it & quit-it type.

Best way out of this situation is for you to just cut your losses. If you do have sex then leave, she's going to feel manipulated and react VERY badly- trust me. The only way to end it w/o someone getting hurt is to just be honest w/her. Tell her that you're not looking for anything serious and that you'd like to see other people. Best-case scenario she'll see that you're not the guy for her & might even agree to some lvl of sexual activity in the meantime while she finds said guy. Find someone who is looking for a FWB/casual hookup scenario. They do exist- believe me.

Sex is best when you're both on the same page, anyway.

Anonymous's picture

I personally feel that all of this work to get American women sucks. Their passive approach to dating is a big problem...men must lead! Men must suggest. Men must risk first. Men must 'pay.' All of this work and then some women have the nerve to not want to give up the pussy? Is this a cultural thing or is it a biological thing. I've dated women from other places...Caribbean, South America, Europe, and in my experience, those women put on much LESS of a front when it comes to dating...and they also know how to auto-invest in a man that they like...much less games than America. Does anyone else notice this? I've only dated women in Wash DC and NYC so idk if women in say Chicago or Miami or Frisco are any different.

Every now and then I come across a woman who auto-invests and suggests places to go on her own initiative...but usually that's just a front and after a month or so...it's back to I must suggest everything or else nothing happens. All this American talk about equal partnership in relationships is bullshit in my opinion...I have been required to always lead and suggest shit to do...even with so-called feminists. I don't mind being in control and having the power to create a wonderful relationship...but what I can't get over is the aloofness that happens frequently. I don't know if it's a game that's being played (Cosmopolitan) or if it's something I am doing wrong...and making these women afraid to open up to me. The problem is...many women only come out of their shell and take off their masks after I have taken the initiative and risked and put myself out there first...and even then I usually have to ask a mountain of questions to get to the real girl under the surface. Alot of WORK! I personally feel that not enough thought goes in to dating...i.e. being truly self-aware first before you try and get with someone. Unfortunately the alternative to no hard work with women is masturbation which sucks more so I will not complain and do what I must. I just needed to vent.

Timothy's picture

what if your female counterpart is bi-sexual?

and what about poly-amorous relationships?, would you say they are a result of the woman not getting what she needs?

Ive heard of poly-amorous relationships turning out quite lovely if both partners agree to it,
thoughts on this chase?

Anonymous's picture

amazing

Hplscs's picture

Hey Chase, really great articles, excellent insights, amazing stuff.

I am not sure about this one though: "And, to be honest, ninety-nine cases out of a hundred, I agree with that view; she's right. When relationships fail, it's nearly always the man's fault. Men are responsible for their women's happiness. Men are responsible for keeping their women satisfied and content."

In stead of changing ourself to fit her needs so she likes us, why don't we rather focus on being real men? We are men, that is what we are. We go out to kill the biggest and most dangerous animals, we go out to get the biggest and most demanding jobs, and so on. We are the natural leaders in these areas. Why is it us that we have to worry or blame ourselves if the relationship doesn't work out? What does she have to bring to the table?

By taking such responsibility it just seems to me that we put too much of a value on her. It actually seems like "chasing" her to keep her around - we have to make her happy, we have to change our behavior and our way of thinking - so she can remain happy... Hm, hm... But does she do the same? Is she trying the same way to keep you (us) happy? How much does she change to keep us? It is really us who screw up the relationships 99 percent of the time..??? Don't make me wrong, I love women, but I can't agree with that.

... I'm browsing through the PUA material for some 3-4 years, and true, bunch of it is great stuff. But I guess I am not clear about values, from other PUA material I get that man should always have higher value than she does, and it kind of makes more and more sense.

We can simply create great value by becoming real men (again), and stop being wussies that we see everywhere around today. In my opinion, man of a great value doesn't need to learn too much of PUA material, he doesn't need to study months and years just to figure out how her mind works, and then look for tweaks and strategies... He simply focuses on being a man, and the rest comes with it, meaning the women will naturally follow.

Reading the above seems that we are giving them too much of a value though - it is always us who always screw up, but never them. I am really tired of that. Who are they? Do we need them more than they need us? Real man doesn't screw up, real man simply walks away from her anytime he wishes - leaving the chasing up to her...

Anonymous's picture

Trying to make a woman happy, only spells disaster. We often miss the mark because nobody can make another person happy.

Justin's picture

I like this article and I have a question.

Is it possible to be ALL THREE ie. a friend, lover and provider all at once?

Jon's picture

It seems like the last statement contradicts the article on law of least effort and spezzatura. How can women want somebody who tries, when they also want somebody who seems to put forth the least effort? Is it the one who tries, but the woman can't tell that he's trying? That seems almost insulting to women, like what they want is to have the wool pulled over their eyes.

Anonymous's picture

I'm not really a man who's very interested in long term relationships, but reading your articles helped me enjoy woman much more as a lover and a friend.
ps: I kept it short, my english is terrible.

Tajul 's picture

I read d whole article & astonishingly, I m surprised to have the basic mysteries of women disclosed...this is a true thing & I must thank the writer for combining so many feelings, residues,ambitions, likings-dilikings, subtle emotions of Mystic women into only three basic structures..I m from Bangladesh,a South-Asian country. What I see among d girls or women of our country, d three structures obviously fit them. Its a funny thing that they choose dashing boys for having romance but choose gentle, stable bread-winner for marriage..but in my view, mysterious behavior of boys make them weak & make them fall in love ...those who discloses everything to their girls, ultimately they loose their importance...this is also true in conjugal life...they are attracted to adamant guys who know to maintan secret about himself...finally,I must thank the article writer for presenting such a nice article

sane man's picture

This article is the problem (not the article itself, just the theme). What women want in a nutshell is anything they don't have. Most accept they can't have everything, but plenty will have various psychological and emotional behaviours they resort to instead of dealing with it. For example as the article states: Cheating on her man and then blaming him (Pathetic, break up with him if you're unhappy). Or leading men on on the side to asses her options etc etc.
Western women are having their heads filled with what they should be looking for/expecting/demanding.... what they should 'want' etc. What they neglect completely is what do they actually provide in the relationship? What are they bringing to the table? Well from my experience the answer is basically nothing. Gender roles have changed to the point where a lot of young women now actually see it as degrading/insulting to be associated as a 'housewife', and anything which that includes is seen as post-feminist throwback to a time when women were inferior. Unfortunately with that has gone the support and caring that defined women in society.
Now they expect to be treated like a princess, and all they should have to do in exchange is look good, because after all, men love the pussy right? So look good and that's all he needs.
Most young women I know nowadays are so focused on what they want they forget that they are supposed to provide something in return other than allowing their man to fuck them.

Normal guy's picture

One week after our wedding my now ex wife was already staying overnight at her girlfriends house. Two months after our wedding I found out she was receiving love poems from her ex boyfriend. When confronted she told me if she doesn't get something from me, she will seek it elsewhere.
When I told her to leave, she cried and begged me to give us a chance. When I did, she cheated on me and she and her lover ( our friend) put me thru hell.
When I told her it's over and I want her to fix the problems she got me in to and then I never want to see her again, she pleaded for another chance. I gave it to her and the result was, after I left for three months for work to get us ahead financially ( after we went to counceling and all was good between us), ten days after I left she cheated again.
She wanted everything "right now"
One of her lines she told me at the beginning of our marriage was " We will be together forever. So now I want to experience everything else."
While I did not have much money ( and told her to give us (me)little time to get secure" she was just saying. " don't worry. There is always be some money." And at that time, she had a dream of living in the country, have goats and chickens and grow her own food.
Now she lives with guy who buys her expensive stuff and became a real snob. And then she complains to her friends that the guy buys her stuff, but doesn't give her money.
Anyway, my point is I tried to be everything she wanted. But it's virtually impossible as she changes her mind all the time.
And she was ( is) perfect example of wanting everything now and contributing nothing.
Exactly two months after our wedding I acted one day the way she was for those two months. She was shocked why I was behaving that way. And after I told her I was just imitating her, even using her own words and mannerism , she broke down crying, saying she knows she have this problem, that whenever she have something nice and good, she destroys it. And asked me to help her.
And then she did the same, over and over again....

Anonymous's picture

She sounds like a borderline. The worst possible type of woman to get involved with.
Run don't walk, normal guy.

David

Mickey's picture

Normal Guy: Based on your story, many women just can't understand why guys will not sign up for a hosing like that.

Anonymous's picture

Great article but there is more to it than this...

Whether a woman is satisfied with her relationship to a man has a lot to do with her pecking order among her female peers. She will remain happy as long as her hubby seems to be at least as successful as her female friend's hubbies. If in her mind this is not the case any longer, her bragging rights will be gone as well. She will then most likely start looking for a guy who can re-establish her pecking order.

Most hitched women will not perform 100% in the bedroom if there are financial problems looming. A truly happy woman is one that doesn't have to deal with these problems in the bedroom, and are allowed to go power shopping the next day...

"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man." - Lana Turner

Tomas's picture

This article is a kind of evangelium and it's absolute truth. My theory is: from evolutionary view it was an advantage for a woman to have sex (and baby) with a stranger from another tribe because members of her own tribe were all relatives...

I had sex with women who had piles of orbiters and I was the stranger they slept with, even if attraction was not so strong at start. Why? Because I led them right to sex and because they didn't have to control themselves as I was a discrete stranger. Sometimes it was only one sexual encounter, sometimes we met several more times, but only for sex.

I bet they didn't tell to any of the orbiters who and probably neither to their close friends. I had very fast sex with several women from internet. Then I set up a fake profile and contacted them, asking if they met or even found someone. Their answer was - no, just some uninteresting coffee dates. I was shocked!

This female behavior is perhaps the most unfair thing. But it's nature, you cannot change it. So get with it - don't connect with her more than necessary, don't tell about your great job, don't show your great personality. Don't be a valuable man. Instead, stay a sexy and little dangerous stranger, attract her, take her to bed and f**k her brains out. Paradoxically that's all you have to do to be better than all those great men on orbit.

Thank you Chase!

Lauren's picture

I am literally blown away by how true this is. This just made me realise why there have been some guys out there whom I couldn't keep my hands off - who literally seemed perfect -, and why there are others that I haven't felt anything towards. This will actually also make it easier for me to tell if its going to work out with dates before anyone gets too invested.

If only I could get every guy out there to read this article! It would save both the men and women a great deal of time and heartbreak!

paul logan's picture

Brilliant article, brilliantly written. I've learned more from this article and others you've written than from entire 'programs'. Your articles show a deep understanding of the female psychology, of attraction. They are also drafted in a meticulous style.

Keep up the good work!

Paul

tmarsh's picture

I don't know where you guys are living. I am living in an American party/hedonistic college environment. I was in a fraternity, I recently quit it as I could not take the superficial conditional friendships(alliances), the ruthless social climbing, and all the bullshit. The most successful Men when it came to women were as follows. 5 of them to count.
1) Extremely extroverted, impulsive, charming hedonistic guy who got along with everyone, but failed out after one year.
2) A cocaine dealing, short pretty boy, ultra manipulative scheming evil individual
3) Jocky, muscular, stupid, blackout drunk party boy( 45+Lays in 2 years)
4) Psycopathic ultra stimulating borderline criminal ,drug abuser. Xanax, Weed, cocaine, and alcohol.

Some of the women these guys got, were out of this world and made no logical sense.

My rule of Thumb

Girls do not know what the hell they want.

But what they want is someone popular. End of story from my experience.

All 4 of these guys Had high status within their social circles and were over flowing with girls. All 4 are bad bad individuals.

Girls in the 18-22 range have no idea what the hell they want(At my university). They are horny, arrogant, and dare I say ruthless. 80% of guys on campus do not get girls, I kid you not. 20/80 rule does exsist. Following this chasing women, making her happy, and changing for her does not exist in this environment.

2

Jimbo's picture

This particular article is aimed at relationships rather than college-style hookups. Though if you pay attention, you'll see that the biggest slayers in your frat all had most if not all of the traits listed under "Lover".

Jimbo's picture

Probably your most insightful article, Chase. Hats off.

Wondering though: Why did you even include friends in this? I think men can easily do without it and still keep their women (almost) fully satisfied because the women can still get their friendship needs from their girlfriends and their homosexual friends.

Jimbo's picture

Hey Chase! I'd like to hear your thoughts on the following projection.

With the economic ascent of women in recent decades, would you say that the demand in Provider-types will decrease? And by Provider-types, I mean guys with boyfriend qualities like stability, good social standing/status, make a good living, etc. And if so, what do you think the impact would be on society when there's less demand for these traits in it?

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