Recovering from a Failed Cold Read


Cold reading is an amazingly powerful technique to help you build a quick and strong connection with a girl but sometimes it goes drastically wrong... and instead of responding with coos of amazement, she throws your reading back at you with flat rejection.

failed cold read

All seems lost, but you can salvage the wreck and even turn a rejection into something positive that brings the two of you closer together - and in today's article, I'm going to show you how to do just that.


What Can You Do When You Fail?

First and foremost, commit this to memory: women will forgive and forget your mistakes when they like you. Plain and simple.

Working off this principle, we have a few things we can do - and here they are:


Option #1: Follow Up with a Deep Dive

The simplest route we can take is to ask a deep diving question, and use a girl’s answer to let us either cold read again, or get into an emotionally driven topic.

An example looks something like this:

You: You feel ashamed when you second-guess yourself.

Her: Actually, not really. [rejection]

You: You’re right, you don’t seem like the type of person to second guess yourself. So, what does make you feel ashamed? [transitioning to a question]

Her: Letting people I care about down.

You: So you feel strongly for those you connect with, and will go out of your way to help them however you can! [using her answer to cold read her again]

Her: Totally!

At this point, it’d be best to deep dive her further about family and friends.


Option #2: Make an Assumption

A fun little thing that we can do (this happens to be my favorite technique) is make an assumption based on her rejection of our original reading, and work from there - like so:

You: You know what that means, right? It actually means you meet a lot of high quality people.

Her: Nah, not at all! This town is too boring for that!

At this point, what can you assume or infer about her? That she wants to move out of the town perhaps, that she would like some adventure in her life! Use it!

You: But you’d like to venture out of Dodge to see the world in exciting new ways, add a splash of danger to your life!

Her: Hell yeah! Now that’s what I’m talking about!

After an emotional response like this, it’s best to relate to her. Tell her that story about your trip to Boituva, Brazil where you went skydiving... or, ask her about which countries she’d like to visit. Relate to her on that emotional high and she’s yours.

This works wonders because your reading puts an idea in her head; in this case, it’s her life quality, and when you ask her a question about that topic, she’s been primed to think about it, and will give a more emotionally charged response.


Option #3: Following Feedback

By far the most difficult technique we can use is following feedback. By “feedback” I mean body language, tone of voice, manner of speech.

This actually develops on its own as you cold read more and more women.

What it essentially entails is picking up on the subtle differences in word emphasis, or subtle changes in body language as she speaks, so look out for these subtleties.

Let’s use this example:

You: When you were younger, you played lots of sports.

Her: I wouldn’t say that’s entirely true.

failed cold read

Now, let’s talk about which word she emphasizes changes her view which causes you to change your response:

Her: I wouldn’t say that’s entirely true.

If wouldn’t is stressed, that means she feels pretty strongly against what you said. Her body language will probably close off a bit: her arms may cross, or she’ll face her body away from you.

In a situation like this it’s best to assume she did the opposite. So, instead of playing sports, throw out the idea that she was more of the bookworm academic type, or ask her what she did in her spare time instead of play sports. But drop the topic of sports because it will destroy the conversation if she’s this unfavorable toward it.

Her: I wouldn’t say that’s entirely true.

She may not say it, but she’s certainly toying around with the idea, remembering her childhood, and feeling it. With this, you may see a little confused body language like swaying her hips back and forth or side to side, rocking side to side, etc.

Since she’s not set on agreeing or disagreeing, you can sway her opinion to agree with you. Encourage her to think a little harder about it, and assure her that she played sports when she was younger, she’ll come around to remembering it: “Hmmm, think about it a bit harder, I'm sure you were a superstar in some sport, right!?”

Her: I wouldn’t say that’s entirely true.

This suggests that other parts of what you said are true, or even true to a certain degree. Maybe she only played one or two sports in her childhood and excelled at them, but certainly wasn’t a master of every sport.

In this situation, you should inquire further, or scale down your reading like so:

“I’m not saying you were the Venus Williams of tennis, or the Michelle Kwan of skating, but whatever sports you played, you played well.”

Her: I wouldn’t say that’s entirely true.

This indicates that you’re more right than wrong. Maybe she played every sport but wasn’t an All-Star on every single team. Perhaps she was average in some sports, and excelled slightly in others.

Here, it’s definitely best to ask for more because you are more right than wrong, so respond with something like:

  • Well, what sports were your forte?
  • What sport would you consider yourself best at?

... in order to dig a little deeper into the aspects that are true.

Her: I wouldn’t say that’s entirely true.

This simply means it’s open to speculation, and there isn’t any strong doubt about it. It means you should inquire a little further and help to guide her through her thoughts.

At this point, you should help her to remember the sports she played. I particularly like to use sensory examples because it will allow her to remember things easier. Toss around ideas like:

  • Don’t you remember the feeling of hitting a softball! The stride of your swing, running around the diamond!

  • Remember the first time you spiked a volleyball, and maybe stung your hand!

  • Can you think of the first time you shot a 3-pointer and saw the net swish!?

Statistically speaking, in the U.S. the top 5 most played sports by women are soccer, tennis, basketball, softball, and volleyball. So, throw some questions at her that tie in to one of those five for maximum efficiency.

It takes a little adjusting, and a little effort to really catch the emphasis on words, but with a little practice from here on out, you’ll have it down pat.


Making It Easier for Yourself

Something I’ve noticed and used to my advantage with cold reading, and something all of us can use, is a bit of information on culture.

The world is a diverse place these days, and you’re likely to run into some foreigners with different backgrounds.

Because of this, you may want to learn a little bit more about cultures you may run in to, and avoid readings that are almost destined for failure with women of certain cultures, and focus on readings that are designed for success.

Let’s take, for instance, Filipinas:

Colt pointed out these gals are culturally driven to be:

  • Religious
  • Traditional
  • Caretakers and givers
  • Lovers

For that reason, it’s best to focus on readings that accentuate those cultural qualities. Can be anything like:

  • “Tradition seems to be very important to you; that means you’re geared towards caring for family and friends.”

  • “You’re definitely a care giving woman; you must have wells of passion and warmth in that heart of yours.”

These are more likely than not to work in your favor, opposed to things like:

  • “You definitely seem to be an Atheist, couldn’t agree with you more!”

  • “You’re biggest fear is not having enough people around you, almost like you’d go crazy without attention.”

These are more likely than not not to work for you and will flat out be refuted, and may even sabotage things for you beyond repair. Such statements are actually insulting, and tank your value as a potential lover.

So, with this example in mind, think about the predominant culture of women in your area, or the kinds of women you find most attractive.

For me, I’m definitely a man who loves Latinas, so I keep their cultural norms in mind when I read them, and it’s definitely more accurate (and builds more connection) than general statements that apply to everyone.

“You’re a woman with a lot of fire in her soul... a headstrong chica with big plans for her future.”

Sounds a lot better than,

“You’ve had a fight recently with someone you’re close to.”

Keep those cultural norms in mind and use them to your advantage; it’ll skyrocket your success rates with cold reading women from all kinds of different backgrounds.

Wrapping up, I guarantee that you will run into a woman who will flat out reject your cold reading, but now you have the tools at your disposal to press forward calmly - instead of walk away sullenly!

Cheers,

Richard

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Comments

MCP's picture

Ghosts of Girlfiend's Past


I have a concern with my current girlfriend and her experiences in the past compared to her experiences with me. It took me 4 months from the outset of meeting this girl to sleep with her. She states that I was the only guy she was doing anything intimate with the whole time, and I believe it. I'm way above average in my abilities with women and am very confident that I can go out on any given night and find a girl who will at least be in bed fooling around with me later that night.

Here's my dilemma.

I was very certain that because this girl took so long to lay, given my abilities and given that she had not had sex for over a year at the time we met, that this girl was very high quality and hard to get to.

BUT... I learned only after getting emotionally involved that she only had one boyfriend (who she started dating by having a ONS) and the rest were just casual sex partners (she's been with 4 other guys total) and, not only that, but one was a complete ONS who she chased down pretty hard and who she never saw again because he blew her off. After learning this it basically makes me feel like a chump for feeling the way I do about this girl and, in a slight sense, that I've been played.

My question and concern is it even worth staying in a relationship with a girl who put me off for such a long time when compared with her past guys? It's very confusing as I am legitimately very good with women, however, pretty much everything you teach points to this girl not being so in to me.

I would greatly appreciate some expert GirlsChase advice on this!

MCP

Richard Weddel's picture

Hey MCP, Sounds like classic

Author

Hey MCP,

Sounds like classic symptoms of being slotted into the boyfriend category.

She told you she was only being intimate with you, and given that she's accustomed to FWB or casual sex relationships, you actually stood out above that crowd and were viewed as higher quality than them, so she valued you on a more serious level.

Because of that, she didn't want to lose that because of quick sex.

When a woman wants a man as a boyfriend she withholds sex from him, and that's why Chase and GC recommend quick lays because it prevents you from being slotted into that category and thus not being able to have quick sex.

But, now that you have laid her, if she satisfies your other needs as a girlfriend then you should keep her because after you've laid her once, you can bed her again and again, so at this point, it would be your choice to make.

-Richard

MCP's picture

RE:


Thanks for the feedback Richard, I figured that's what was going on here. But I guess my real concern is can she ever REALLY see me as the sexiest man she's ever been with? I know chase said somewhere that if she has slept with other guys quicker than it will always be in the back of her head somewhat. If its true that she will see her priors as sexier men, regardless of reality, to me that's a complete deal breaker and a cause of big problems down the road. I think a lot of guys with girlfriends have these same concerns... What do you think?

-MCP

Richard Weddel's picture

MCP, For me, anyway, its up

Author

MCP,

For me, anyway, its up to speculation. If a girl has slept with other guys quicker but finds her "one," she may not sleep with him as fast but will hold him in a higher regard than the other guys.

So, compare these two things: Sexiness of man she's chosen to let bed her quickly vs. Sexiness of a man she's chosen to be intimate with?

Which seems to outweigh the other?

In my opinion, its the man she's chosen to be intimate with after only having had casual sex relationships. Committing to a person for the first time is pretty tough if you're already experienced sexually, so Id say she holds you in a higher regard than those casual sex partners.

-Richard

JohnO974's picture

Did I read her wrong for weeks?


Hey Richard,

So I had this girl that i met in class at my university and he started talking and getting to know each other as the semester began and I was getting good vibes and playing my cards right. We would flirt in class, and out of class we would talk about the new books we were both reading ( we shared a love of reading and writing) and she would constantly send little probing texts and like EVERY single thing i posted on social networking. but every time I tried to make plans with her something would happen or come up.

finally I used some advice from the how to text a girl post and got her to commit and follow through and we went out and i kept it low-key and simple and it was perfect because then it became a good conversation and i got to deep-dive on her; i thought it was going great...until she mentioned this guy 12 years older than her that she was 'kinda seeing or wanted to" so i took that as okay let me not even waste anymore of my time. She made me feel like she actually has no interest in me, so I moved on, but now she randomly texts me even more, she basically is stalking my social networking sites, and the flirting in class has picked up. I am honestly confused, because she is rather flaky, she will text me and when i do text back she wont reply or forgets to, and she brought up the other guy, but she is still probing me. I could really use some advice or an explanation of what the hell she is doing.

Do I need to drop this class and cut off all communication or have i been reading this entire situation wrong?

-John

Richard Weddel's picture

Hey John, A little tough to

Author

Hey John,

A little tough to tell because I don't know all the details, but here's my outlook.

The two of you found mutual attraction at first, but I'll assume you didn't make a move fast enough, or didn't bring up sex or dates quick, and instead kept the texting platonic (i.e. probing texts on either side, talking about new books), nothing sexual to get her mind going.

That, or from what you said she didn't respond to any sexual frames or chase frames you threw at her, and instead she kept it platonic not allowing you to move forward with her.

Now, there's a guy that she's into more than she's into you so she'll do enough to keep you around but is probably spending most of her time and attention on the other guy.

So yes, if I were you, I'd throw the ball in her court, and let her decide to stop playing games and get serious.

"You keep trying to play games with me, but I don't want to ;) The ball's in your court now, hit me up when you decide you want to get serious."

If things don't go well, or if she doesn't get serious, leave her alone, or you can talk to other girls in class and probably make her jealous.

-Richard

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