Quick Escalation to Sex: It's All About the Windows


quick escalationA hot topic on the discussion boards as of late has been the concept of escalation windows: how to spot them, and what you should do when one of these colossal portals to hanky-panky town is unlocked before your eager eyes. Escalation windows can be hard to spot, and when detected, you must act quickly and with conviction.

If you’re not quite sure exactly what we mean by the term “escalation window”, you should probably go ahead and give this 2011 article by Chase a quick read to get your feet wet.

Basically, escalation is an out-and-out requirement if you want to sleep with women. Why’s that, you ask?

To paraphrase a nice little tidbit that a very wise mentor once best owed upon me: “No Escalation, No Lovin’…”

So with that in mind, if you don’t escalate things… well, you know what will happen. Or, more precisely, what won’t happen.


The Windows of Opportunity

Long, long before I was really very good with women, I can still remember how I met my first “true love”. I can vividly recall all of the grandiose gestures that I’d laid at her feet and the big, shiny metaphorical pedestal that I had placed her on as I courted her as if I were a 1920s schoolboy.

Over the course of time, I had somehow garnered enough social proof and was attractive enough to her to get her out on a movie date. As we sat in the movie theater, the two of us slowly inched closer to one another. After I had turned to her to make eye contact a few times, she eventually would lean into me enough that our faces were nearly touching. At that moment, I grabbed her around the neck and planted a soft, wet kiss on her.

Contained within that short story are a couple of very important nuggets:

  • Escalation windows are extremely short-lived, easy to miss at times, and you won’t get many second chances (if any at all).

  • Hitting escalation windows can, in many situations, save otherwise botched seductions.

The girl in the story above presented me with an escalation window. Had I not acted on it, that window presumably would have lasted only a short moment until she pulled her face away from mine and resumed watching the film, only to move far into auto-rejection after I dropped her off at her home later that evening.

What women are looking for is a dominant man who will seize every single opening they possibly can in order to make things happen with them. With that being the case, you will rarely see a woman give you more than one tiny little chance to convert these golden opportunities.

That is precisely why it is so critical to prepare yourself and keep your eyes peeled for escalation windows!

At times, these windows can be your saving grace for interactions-gone-bad. Women will actually purposely provide you with escalation windows when they feel the need to help you a wee bit along the way. If you’re even just a little inexperienced or hesitant to take charge of things without blatant escalation windows (just as I was when I took this certain girl out on a movie date), then you’ll really want to be on the ready when opportunity comes a knockin’.

Just like that girl I kissed in the movie theater, you might run into some gal, make a couple mistakes, and leave her wondering “Ugh, is he ever going to make a move?!!” If she’s really into you, she’ll throw you some bait... believe me.

All of that being said, learning how to properly handle escalation windows is not for the weak at heart. Just because you’re not inexperienced or you feel as though you’re pretty well versed in every other aspect of seduction does not mean that you can get by without knowing when to make a move.

After all, if you’re not moving things forward then you’re merely standing still. Don’t be the guy that just sits and talks until the girl is bored to tears and simply gets up and leaves.

On the flip side, it is infinitely better to spot an escalation window and then vault through it than it is to simply push things forward with brute force when she’s either (a) not expecting it whatsoever or (b) the situation simply doesn’t call for the actions you’re taking.

So yes, as you probably guessed, it takes mental agility and social calibration to deftly hit escalation windows and keep things running smoothly so that your girl is comfortable moving onto the next stage of the interaction with you.

With that in mind, let’s talk a little bit about how to successfully manage a girl’s comfort level by escalating things at the correct (but quickest possible) speed, and get yourself to fast sex.


Managing Escalation Tempo

Another reason escalation windows are so vital to your success as a seducer is because they help you move faster with women. When you’re moving forward in an interaction, you want to do it when you have good reason to, and escalation windows provide you with the perfect excuse to take action. If you’re trying to move things to the next stage without any cause or prompting it can seem forced and you’ll come off as being “pushy”.

Let’s take a quick look at an example of what might happen if you try to make a bold transition outside of the normal order of operations, and without any provocation:

Guy: The moon is fantastic-looking. Aren’t you glad we decided to go for a walk after dinner?

Girl: It is! And yes, I’m having a nice time. I enjoy going on walks.

Guy: Well we should head back to my place and pop in a movie. What do you say?

Girl: Oh, I don’t know right now... I have to study before I go to bed.

Needless to say, that didn’t work out as planned. And why didn’t it? Because she wasn’t ready for the transition. Not only was there was no escalation window there, but additionally, this guy’s attempt to pull this girl wasn’t preceded by any sort of linear dialogue that could have led them to the subject of heading over to his place. The request comes off as socially awkward, and just plain weird.

Now, let’s examine another interaction in which an escalation window is presented, identified, and properly acted upon:

Guy: The moon is fantastic-looking. Aren’t you glad we decided to go for a walk after dinner?

Girl: It is! And yes, I’m having a nice time. I’m so glad I don’t have to be in bed early tonight.

Guy: Well hey, since neither of us have a curfew this evening, we could go watch a movie at my place? What do you say?

Girl: Sure, I’d like that. Let’s stop at the corner market so I can grab a bottled water first though, okay?

quick escalation

Much smoother and definitely more successful, eh? In case you didn’t catch it, I bolded the escalation window for you.

She might have given him another opportunity after a little more conversation, but it’s unlikely. More often than not, you being passive in the face of her not-so-subtle hint merely leads to eye rolling and an internal “He just doesn’t get it! and then it’s off to the next fellow.

The reasons this worked are two-fold:

  • She was ready for the transition, unlike the girl in the first example who probably just needed a little more comfort-building before allowing herself to be isolated.

  • His request for her to accompany him back to his home didn’t come entirely out of nowhere. The suggestion he made was linear to the current conversation thread.

So now that you can successfully identify an open opportunity and respond to it with cunning perfection, it’s probably fairly evident how doing this correctly results in the two of you moving faster toward the bedroom.

If you happen to miss an escalation window, then you’re pretty much stuck waiting and hoping for another opportunity, or even worse, having to try and plow through the evening recklessly like our guy in the first example.

Not only does your failing to recognize opportunities during pivotal moments of an interaction make things move more slowly as you sit and wait for another chance, but a woman will quickly become impatient with these blunders, eventually going into auto-rejection.

And as we all know, it’s rough sailing from there...

Here are a handful of additional things you can work on to maximize your success:

  1. Get physical from the beginning. You need to lead her and get compliance momentum on your side so that, if you do happen to hit a yellow stoplight somewhere along the line, it won’t be unexpected if you simply run right through it.

  2. Be clear in your intent. Make sure she knows you’re interested in her sexually, that way she isn’t surprised when you begin to escalate things.

  3. Don’t be creepy. To avoid this, you need to socially calibrate yourself to her current mood, and also make sure that your actions are congruent with your personality.

  4. Set the tone with some NLP to anchor her into a carefree mindset. Use words like “relaxed”, “comfortable”, “nice”, in phrases that make escalation seem more natural and get her primed for a sexual encounter.

Having all of those tools not only helps you operate your dating process like a well-oiled machine, but it helps to set her expectations, unwind her brain a tad, and just generally loosen her up. She’ll tell her friends what a good guy and great lay you are, instead of spreading the word around that you’re just a no-good user/cad/heartbreaker/jerk that pushed her into something she didn’t want in the first place.


Creating Your Own Windows

If you’re not quite sure.... always, always assume it’s an escalation window. You should never err on the side of safe-judgment. Taking risks and being assertive are two qualities that you’ll see in any sexy, dominant man.

It is far better to try and move things forward and have her politely object than it is to do nothing and find yourself trapped deep inside the friend zone.

Just remember that the absolute worst thing that can happen is for her to simply decline your advances. The world doesn’t implode, the stock market doesn’t crash, and it is usually not going to be anything that can’t be salvaged.

The thing about escalation windows though is that they give you the absolute best chance at successfully converting transitions. This is because these opportunities and windows are there for a reason. Either she provided you with the chance or hint purposely to get you to do something, or it is just a natural progression in the chain of events that occur when two people enjoy spending time with each other.

So that’s one way to create your own opportunities. When it seems like an escalation window is waiting for you... that is because it probably really IS. It is certainly more productive and conducive to learning when you take action and fail, than it is to do nothing (and also fail).

If you misjudge an escalation window, don’t fret. Reacting with shock or surprise is not the correct course of action. Just stay calm and back up a little, build more comfort, then try again later.

What else can you do to generate your own opportunities? Leave some low-hanging fruit. I hear that Eve loves apples.

What I mean by that is to subtly suggest something yourself to help her out with letting you know that it’s okay to move forward. Let’s see what that looks like, shall we?

Guy: So what’s your favorite food?

Girl: Oh, I love Mexican! I have quite a weakness for Pico de Gallo.

Guy: Pico, huh? Cilantro seems a bit of an acquired taste for some people, but I like it as well. Any particular venues around here that have can’t-miss salsa?

Girl: Well I really like XYZ, but often I don’t have anyone to go enjoy it with!

Guy: Tell you what, it’d be cool if you joined me for a bite to eat there. We should exchange numbers and head over there sometime!

Girl: That’d be great!

Simply pointing the conversation toward something, then amplifying it as a shared interest can give her just the hint she needs to give you an escalation window.

quick escalation

Doing this takes the social pressure off of her to be overtly suggestive, which is a big no-no for most girls. She knows the path of the conversation could possibly flow in the direction of you asking her out, so she can simply choose to drive the discussion further toward that, if she so wishes.

This works in all sorts of other ways too. Just how injecting some sex talk into a conversation with a girl gets her horny and communicates your desires and non-judgmental outlook, it also hands her the steering wheel some what, to help you in taking the interaction up a notch without risking anything from a social standpoint.

So as they say, dangle the banana. Not only does this get the interaction headed somewhere productive, but conversely, if the girl isn’t interested, you’ll quickly find that out as well. Which is good, because you don’t want to keep that girl who is interested waiting any longer than you have to.


Boy, that Escalated Quickly…

In order to properly tie all of this together, let’s review a few of the most crucial topics that we discussed:

  • Escalation is not only a vital part of seducing a woman, it is absolutely necessary.

  • Escalation windows are nearly always short-lived and hard to detect, so hone your mental agility so that you are able to quickly seize the moment.

  • Social calibration is also a good skill to work on if you want to respond to opportunities smoothly and effortlessly.

  • Hitting a pivotal escalation window can sometimes save an otherwise botched interaction.

  • Converting escalation opportunities helps you move faster without any negative hit to the girl’s comfort level.

  • When you’re not sure if it’s an escalation window, always assume it is an escalation window.

  • If you make a mistake, it’s not a big deal. Don’t react – just back off for a moment and make sure you nail it the next time.

  • Learn how to create opportunities yourself, instead of idly waiting for them to magically appear out of thin air.

That’s quite a lot to take in. But believe me when I tell you that all of this is going to be critical to you in countless situations that you’re inevitably going to find yourself in as you’re meeting more women and leveling up.

There’s a lot to be gained by knowing how to properly escalate. You’ll get further into interactions, score more dates, and ultimately bed more girls.

If you don’t learn how to identify escalation windows and handle them properly, then you’re not much more useful to women than that broken escalator at the mall. You’ll be wearing a big “Sorry for the Inconvenience” sign right across your forehead.

So, why not be that guy who carries them to new heights instead?

Happy escalating :)

J.J. Jones

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Comments

Marty's picture

Ensuring she gives you a chance


Hey NarrowJ,

Marvelous article. Thank you.

I liked your observation about "creating your own windows". Is there anything you can do to maximize your chances that a girl will present you with one or more recognizable escalation windows?

Put another way, if you're "too good" is there a risk that she'll think you can "manage by yourself" and fail to "give you a chance"? Or doesn't it work that way?

-Marty

J.J. Jones's picture

RE: Ensuring she gives you a chance

Author

Marty,

They'll tend to make things more obvious if it seems like they (1) think that they have to because of your inexperience, or (2) they really like you (or both!) As we all know, 95% of women have this social barrier with regard to being overtly suggestive and being too loose or easy. That's why I said in the article that if you mess up, she's more likely to give you more blatant hints (read: escalation windows). She has to really like you a lot to do this, though.

So the point here is, don't go thinking that acting inexperienced on purpose is going to make an easier path for you.

Girls give inexperienced guys easy hints, if they really like you and think you need some help with the whole process of you two getting together.

But experienced, sexy men... girls give easy hints to them basically because they like them as well. But, it's more of a "moving the interaction forward" thing, as much as it is "helping the guy out". The windows they present to these men come from an internal mindset of simply "hey, you can do this", as opposed to the "hey stupid, when are you finally going to make a move???" variety that are a result of you making mistakes.

So you often get the same windows and opportunities presented to you, just for (very) different reasons.

You're much better off being an experienced, sexy guy who can spot escalation windows and hit them on target and take her to bed saying to herself "wow, this guy is phenomenal!" than you are just plodding around and finally stumbling your way into her bed and have her thinking "well, that wasn't that great..."

Hope that helps explain!
J.J.

PD's picture

NJ, Great article; makes me


NJ,

Great article; makes me ponder on past interactions where I wasn't hitting escalation windows on time.

So, when a girl throws you an escalation window like "where do you live?", do you wait another minute or two to invite her home? And if so, is this particular escalation window an exception to the "hit the window now!" rule?

Cheers,
Nick

Joy's picture

Auto-rejection Revisited


Oh man this article hit the right chords with me and I believe I finally understand what’s going on. I also believe that your auto-rejection theory has been unjustly limited only to the negative stereotype of an unattractive jerk whereas I think that auto-rejection encompasses much more than that! Today is a sad day for me because a girl I’ve really been into has pretty much told me she does NOT see me as a potential romantic partner (she offered to be friends though – ouch). Why? I believe Auto-rejection - but of a different kind. Rather than seeing me as a jerk that strings her along and then leaves her in the cold (the current auto-rejection theory) I expect that she sees me as too slow/nice/friendly/whatever. Essentially she stereotyped me into a category of men she doesn't date.

Stereotyping explains much of the variation that auto-rejection has and why it is so hard to break. Essentially there can be limitless stereotypes of men a girl thinks she would never get intimate with [although the stereotypes tend to be limited to a common few] and the reason auto-rejection is so powerful is because set stereotypes are so hard to break. That’s why the total asshole always gets the cold shoulder and the nice guy is stuck being friends – the girls don’t even NOTICE behavior from men that violates the stereotypes she set for them [because of personal confirmation biases] unless the behavior stands out SO much it leaves her no choice. That’s why if nice guys grow a pair all of a sudden (NOT gradually) and act like real men OR if the stereotypical jerks are seen to be completely gallant (such as walking an old lady across the street) and challenge the girl’s worldview they have a chance at being re-classified. [At least that’s my theory]

Here’s what happened with the girl I mentioned. I was too slow with this girl – the reason was that I discovered that she was only seventeen and this knowledge ground my escalation train to a halt. My attraction was strong nevertheless because she was one of those exquisitely rare, fantastically savvy, intelligent, feminine, and charming girls that just get it. My gut realized that I had to move forward because I couldn't see her as anything other than an equal but my ethics screamed “NO” and the cognitive dissonance paralyzed me from the get-go. I rebounded from my paralysis JUST after the window closed (I didn't know it at the time) but my mind was clouded with the large mental investment [referring to the cognitive dissonance] I have made into this girl. I was determined to get her. I was even cool with the prospect of not having sex for several months while dating her. (I thought “heck, I've gone longer”).The next time we hung out she told me about how she just slept with some guy she was obsessing about. GAME OVER. [Quick question, how would you get a girl obsessing over you if you can’t go all the way during the escalation windows? i.e. I may not want to take her home right now due to XYZ but perhaps I want to save the option for some time in the future. Like with this guy for example, she was apparently obsessing over him BEFORE they hooked up NOT after.]

I’m on the fence about accepting her friendship offer – I've been thinking it over in my head the entire day. I mean she’s a cool girl I’d rather have in my life simply because she is interesting to me whereas most that girls I meet bore me. I've once had a taste of awesome and anything sub-par just doesn't do it for me anymore. On the other hand I’m still kind of into her and I don’t want to have to deal with wanting her in vain. At other times I feel like going all out to break the stereotype she has of me. Alas that’s not an option right now given the under-age thing which still bothers me [seriously, I dodged a bullet there], but please forgive the greediness of a second question and, if you, can please tell me if there’s any way possible that perhaps a year down the road I can turn things around with this girl if I’m still into her?

Pattrick's picture

Hit the windows, things got hot, didn't bed her though...


Ok, so what is the play if you hit the windows, things escalate. You take it to everything but sex the first time you meet and the following day she is uncomfortable that things moved to fast for her. In other words, you the catalyst was powerful, she was all about it and having a great time. However when you are absent, the catalyst is gone, she begins to second guess her actions. She becomes concerned that things moved what to fast. Maybe she has concerns that she came across slutty or to loose. Perhaps she is not one of those types but your games was on point and you got her hot and she lost control in a way. The next day she tells you that the two of you moved to fast and she likes to take things slower. What is actually being communicated and what is the correct way to handle this?

OC's picture

Identifying escalation windows


Great article J.J. I definitely understand the concept of escalation windows and I feel like an idiot now after thinking back to past opportunities I've had with women where the windows of opportunity they were giving me were flying right over my head since I didn't know that's what they were. I know you kind of went into it already here, but I was hoping you can write a follow-up article or point me/us in the direction of articles that go more in-depth in regards to specifically being able to identify when a girl is giving you an escalation window. I still feel that as a novice I might not be very good at knowing when I'm presented with an escalation window or not.

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