Overproviding Good Feelings

This is one of those things that, when I figured it out, kinda made me slap my forehead and go, “Duh.” But even still, it took me five years to figure it out. And I’m going to give it to you in one post.

You’re welcome ;)

I figured it out gradually as I realized a number of things:

  • I did better with women when I told less entertaining stories.
  • I did better with women when I gave them less fun.
  • I did better with women when they knew less about me.
  • I did better with women when I was more low-key and less energetic.
  • I did better with women when I made dates short and simply kept everything moving, rather than stop and do whatever the girl said she wanted to do.

At first, it seemed rather odd. Here I was, doing the complete opposite of what almost every piece of mainstream dating advice out there tells you to do, but I got intimate with more girls more quickly and got more respect from women than the other way around. After all, the mainstream advice is the complete opposite of what you’re doing here. The mainstream says:

  • Tell impressive, entertaining stories.
  • Show women a great, fun time.
  • Let women know a lot about yourself, so they can get to know you faster.
  • Show a woman how much passion and enthusiasm and energy you have.
  • Take your time during dates, be a gentleman, and compromise and do the things you want to do sometimes and the things she wants to do other times.

Yet, after years of careful research and application, I can conclusively say that mainstream dating advice has absolutely no idea what it’s talking about. None, at all. It’s theories built from assumptions based on conjecture. It’s a glass house built on a foundation made of sand. Mainstream dating advice won’t make it past just about any test.

Where’s all this terrible advice come from? Why, people who have no idea what they’re doing. For instance, you might find a mainstream dating article for men written by a married woman. A married woman, writing dating advice for men! An individual who likely hasn’t been intimate or had relationships with any (or many) women (and who, if she has, has had a qualitatively different experience dating and seducing those women than what a man would have), and who isn’t even on the dating scene anymore. It’s kind of like getting a homeless person to give you career advice. Thanks, but no thanks.

There is one fatal flaw running through dating advice that absolutely cripples, in the romantic and sexual sense, any man following that advice. That fatal flaw is the assumption that the more good feelings a man provides a woman, the closer he is to intimacy and a relationship.

overproviding good feelings

What a sad, painful misconception. It’s a misconception that has inspired countless men to try their hearts out for women who ended up not caring for them at all. All because they believed that if they did well enough by her, she’d be theirs.

It doesn’t work that way. Nor does it work the total opposite way, either – a man who’s consistently nasty to women won’t find a whole lot of success, either. Rather, the men who find success with women are the ones who walk the middle path. Balance in all things – this should be a guiding principle of yours in seduction.


I’d long noticed a few odd trends in my seductions. For instance, I might have a girl who wanted very much to go home with me, but we’d stop to dance in the nightclub for ten or fifteen minutes, and after that she’d no longer want to go home with me. Conversely, I might have a girl who very much wanted to dance like a fool in the nightclub, but I’d drag her out of there and back to my place and we’d get intimate. It seemed odd, but I could feel there was some kind of pattern there that I just hadn’t picked up on yet.

At last, I realized what it was: it was the interchangeability of value and good feelings. Provide enough good feelings one way, and a woman will be satisfied and not need them another way.

Put simply, even if a girl really wants to go home with a guy, if he dances with her enough and makes her feel good doing it, she can become satisfied and lose her desire to go home with him. On the other hand, if she wants very much to stay and dance, but her man drags her home and sleeps with her, she will become satisfied then too, and no longer want to go dance.

And there are all kinds of things you can do to give women good feelings. Dancing is only one of them – many more are listed in the first examples in this article.

Is it obvious now why men following the mainstream dating advice available to them are quite often complete failures when it comes to seducing women and beginning relationships with them? All those things most dating advice tells men to do are about giving them as many good feelings as possible.

If she ends up with the need for good feelings satisfied by a man’s entertaining stories and the fun time he’s shown her and all the things she wanted to do that they did along the way, the chances she goes home and gets intimate with him are quite low. Because now, she’s:

  • Satisfied, so doesn’t need intimacy from him anymore, and
  • She’s valuing this man most as a friend who does for her without expecting much in return

So you see, overproviding a woman good feelings does not help your chances with her, as opposed to what the mainstream will tell you. In fact, it hurts those chances quite a bit.

To succeed with women, avoid overproviding good feelings to girls. They’ll be swept up in the mystery and intrigue of trying to figure out this guy who doesn’t rush to impress them like everyone else, and they’ll be left aching to receive good feelings from you – all the way back to your or their bedrooms. Avoid giving a woman too many good feelings, right up until the moment she is yours – and at that moment, of course, give her all the good feelings she can handle.

Chase Amante

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.


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Anonymous's picture

I wish I could test this idea out to know for sure.

J.W.'s picture

Hi, Chase.

How do I get out from the overproviding good feelings when I managed to move girls and get them talking. I do not use any impressive stories to make me more desirable than I actually am, but it seems that when girls talk to me, they seem to be too comfortable around me setting me to a friend.

Here is the one episode. This girl I met on the street. I managed to move her to a nearby cafe shop and talked about one hour till she said she had to go. I realized I didn't make it fast enough and I insisted that she could come come home with me, but she also insisted that she should get back to her house to do her thing. So I let her go after about 3 times with exchanging cells. For the second time we met after texting her, we met in the cafe and I invited her home. When I kissed her, she told me she got scared because she only came home because she only see me as a good friend. She asked me "What's your purpose? Is it to have sex with me after meeting me a couple of times?". At that moment I freaked out by her looks because she was staring at me. I asked, do "you want me or not?" she said she wants to be only friend.

It seems as if I played too nice, hmm could you give me some suggestions?
How do I make myself dangerously irresitable from this "friendly"!? :)
I thought inviting home is a dangerous, but women seem to come very easily to my home thinking that I'm a friend.

Thank you with all my heart,

Anonymous's picture

You missed the point my friend you were being scared like chase says and goes back to objections when you should have said your right lets go play monopoly.

Suit's picture

I like this article and think it does work and makes sense. Women (and humans in general) love the attraction of mysticism and a calm cool and most importantly in control and confident nature. Not going into the club is a bad example in my opinion though. Presumably you have just come from a date and haven't sealed a kiss. The club is the perfect place to get a drink and lose a little more inhibitions she or you may have, get close on the dance floor (or at the bar ordering your next drinks) making use of the loud music to get your faces closer while talking and lean in for little tonsil hockey. Also if she wants to dance and you try persuade to go home instead straight away you are at risk of seeming perfunctorily liking her and actually just want sex. (Which depending on the woman could go either way).

Anonymous's picture

Doesn't this leave open the possibility that she'll lose interest, knowing that other guys will provide more good feeling?

Anonymous's picture

In response to the guy above me. I don't think so, but you will have some women walk away and/or not be interested in you. For the most part I'd say it's because they are attention whores..

But.. like Chase says, walk the line. You need to be more balanced, provide some more good feelings if you think you might be acting boring.

It could be that you need to know yourself better, or you need to work on some of your fundamentals more.

dcl's picture

Turns out, I'm a 'Journeyman'.

I was brought here via hyper-link in one of the "Diagnostic" ebooks.

Thanks Chase. I needed to read this. -dcl

Anonymous's picture

This really brought home my mistake with a girl recently:

I spent too much time with her at work, and gave myself to her in another way other than outside of work, where it was conducive to seduction and taking her home. I knew this concept innately from learning social arts for about four years, and connected that to why she LJBF'd me, this just confirmed it. Cool! ;)

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