Meeting and Dating Submissive Women

Meeting a woman who will follow your lead, take care of you, and maybe even cook a delicious meal every once in a while is the dream for most men.

submissive women

However, with the direction that social dynamics are heading in the West, this is a dream that is slipping away from the hands of most men. So how do you find submissive women? What’s it like to date a woman who will go out of her way to please you? And why is it so satisfying to have this kind of woman for most men?

These are the questions that I will be tackling today.

submissive women

There are a couple of things you must understand about submissive women:

  1. Nearly all women are naturally submissive

  2. There is a wide range of submissiveness for different women, and even in the same woman, depending on what kind of man she’s with

  3. Submissive means different things for different men

Women Are Natural Followers

Mainstream media and social pundits would had you believe that women want to be in the driver’s seat and don’t need men to be successful. While I completely support female autonomy and believe that women should have every social and economic opportunity that they desire, in no way do I believe that women don’t need men (or that men don’t need women).

And I certainly don’t believe that women should be leading men. If a burglar breaks into my house, I don’t expect my girlfriend to grab a baseball bat and protect me. If I’m stranded in the wilderness, I don’t expect my girlfriend to shoo away a wild bear that wanders into our campsite. And if I’m feeling spiritually lost or without purpose, I don’t expect my girlfriend to tell me what my purpose is (or worse, make her my purpose).

But this is the unfortunate narrative that a lot of men in the West have fallen prey too. They expect women to take charge, and believe that as long as they are nice and do everything to make sure that the girl is happy (e.g., by incessantly saying “I’m happy to do whatever you want to do”), then the woman will be perfectly content and believe them to be the perfect gentlemen.

This could not be further from the truth. And this is why droves of women are losing respect for Western men: they simply don’t know how to lead anymore. Though I’m certainly not blaming the men entirely.

What I am saying is that the quicker you realize that you have to learn (or relearn) how to lead – no matter how uncomfortable it is – the better your love life will become. Women can definitely handle the smaller things; I’m not saying tell her what to eat for breakfast, but I am saying tell her what you want to do for your birthday, and set expectations for the direction of the relationship.

Once you realize that biology trumps social narrative 10 times out of 10, you will realize that you have to do what gets you results, not reactions. And you will be much happier for the trouble. Women follow. YOU lead.

If you want a full exposition of my thoughts on this matter, read my post: “Do Women REALLY Like Being Treated as Equals?

Learn What Kind of Woman Best Complements You

When dealing with women, there is an entire spectrum of submissiveness.

And as a man, it’s important to figure out what kind of submissiveness you’d like in your women. And to do that successfully, you must give yourself and your personality an honest analysis and see what kind of man you are. If you want a great reference to get you started, Chase’s article on social styles is a great place to start.

But once you figure out what kind of woman would best complement your personality, your search for submissive women will become that much easier.

  • Are you a man who is on the quieter side, and just wants a woman who is more introverted and who will follow his every lead?

  • Are you a man who wants a woman with passion, but also the skills and desire to cook for you and take care of you when you’re not feeling well?

  • Are you a man who is very independent and just wants a woman who will agree to see you on your terms?

Or maybe you’re like me, and want a woman who is confident, socially savvy, funny, and not afraid to speak up for what she wants – but who also is submissive enough in general while still being a challenge, a balance of submissive and aggressive in the bedroom, and a submissive adventurer. A submissive adventurer means that if I tell her “today we’re going to explore X place or fly away to X country” she’ll hop in the car or jump on the plane without a moment’s hesitation.

Thus, the amount of submissiveness you want from a woman will depend on how aggressive you are as a man. Women who are very submissive can handle men who are somewhat aggressive. They can often handle men who are very aggressive as well, because such a man’s sheer dominant presence would get her wet every time he’s around. But, a highly aggressive man could also scare her away because she could feel over whelmed by his ability to take control.

Conversely, very aggressive men can usually have their pick of the litter of various submissive women. However, most highly aggressive men find overly submissive women to be boring or just not enough of a challenge. I know I definitely feel that way sometimes – I like a woman with a little fire in her soul.

But with women, as with life, you have to know exactly what you want. That’s the only way you’ll be satisfied with what you actually get. And that’s the only way you’ll actually know what to look for when you’re out trying to find and date submissive women. Otherwise, you’ll just be shooting in the dark – and not in the good way.

Even Bitchy Women are Submissive

All women, to one extent or another, are submissive. But what matters is whether or not they are submissive with you. Even the strongest women I’ve known – women who’ve had no qualms with blowing up any man who displeased them in the slightest – eventually found some man with whom they acted like delicate kittens.

submissive women

Sometimes that man is me. It is a fantastic feeling these days, but it was definitely hard to get used to when it first started happening. I would encounter a girl who tried to be especially ferocious with men, and would stare her down and show her how unfazed I was by her rough exterior. Sometimes I would even say things like “I can see that really you’re just a big softie on the inside” or “Barking like that must make you really popular with the men” or “Doing that might make most men run away with their tails between their legs, but…I’m not most men.”

And it’s funny to see how often they just freeze up, get intrigued, or just start outright chasing. And then, once that happens, they will continue to bark at other men, but then to me will say things like “I don’t have a problem with you, you can stick around” or “You’re not annoying or creepy like these other guys.” Seeing this back-and-forth was actually quite shocking when I first started noticing it happening.

Just like anyone else, women have multiple facets to them. Girls who may seem bitter on the surface may just have a certain expectation or threshold for the men in their life (read: standards) and will only be kind or submissive to these select few men. And the thing is, these girls are often just as kind and considerate as anyone else, but the unfortunate truth is that most guys simply don’t get to see this side of them because they can’t get past their exterior.

submissive women

Look For the Quieter Girls

If you want a submissive woman in the more traditional sense, then you probably won’t want to go for the girl who is the alpha of the group (for those who don’t know, yes, women have alphas too). A submissive woman is going to be the one who is more comfortable following someone else’s lead. So if you’re out at a bar or club, or even doing day game, and see a pair or group of girls, look for:

  • The girl who is literally following the other girl(s)

  • The girl who is sitting down while her friends dance or flirt with guys

  • The girl who is looking around but seems too nervous to actually interact with people

  • The girl who says to ask so-and-so if you approach her with a request

Look For Non-Western Women

Recently I had a few girls over at my apartment who were mostly from South America. After a couple hours of chilling, one of them, Cynthia, was getting ready to leave and told me that her friend was downstairs – right outside of my building – ready to pick her up. I walked her to the doorway, and she just stood there with an expectant look on her face.

We hadn’t been vibing all that much sexually so I didn’t really know what she wanted.

submissive womenHer: Okay Colt, I’m ready to go!

Me: Sounds good, have a fantastic night Cynthia!

Her: Aren’t you going to walk me out?

Me: …Your friend is right outside of the building. Just go downstairs and hop in her car haha.

Her: [Grabbing my arm] I need you to walk me out.

Me: Why?

Her: Because I’m the woman and you’re the man, and men protect women, and that’s how things are.

Me: Haha okay. I’ll walk you out.

This interaction kind of caught me off guard a little bit, but it was actually really refreshing to experience. When I was walking her out I was thinking to myself: “Yeah, she’s right. This is how things are supposed to be.” And it seemed strange that I was even questioning it to begin with.

But I knew that these traditional values came as a result of the fact that these women were from South America, and that these values were instilled in them since day one.

So if you want to find a woman who was raised to be traditionally feminine and submissive, look for a nice non-Western woman. Perhaps from:

Or basically anywhere that’s not: The United States (and to a lesser extent Canada), Western Europe, or Oceania.

Look Outside Night Venues

Submissive women are harder to find in night venues. That’s not to say that you can’t do it, but your chances of successfully finding one, make her feel comfortable enough to connect with a complete stranger, and then want to come home with you (in spite of her more extroverted friends), or go on a date with you…just aren’t that high.

However, if you find submissive women in their comfort zones – bookstores, parks, community events, smaller gatherings – then you will have a much better chance of actually making something happen with them.

submissive women

I remember after one of the first times I had sex with my Filipina ex-girlfriend, she was pulling up her panties and said to me, in a completely serious and sincere way, “Would you like me to make you sandwich?”

I almost burst out laughing because I couldn’t seriously believe that she was actually making that classic offer. But I managed to keep it together (mostly) and happily acquiesce. But it was also somewhat strange to me that a girl would do that for me right after sex without a second of rest or hesitation.

I was used to my previous exes who rarely did anything for me (and actually took quite a bit), so this was another jarring moment of having a kind, submissive woman who genuinely wanted to take care of me.

And the months that ensued, followed by many similar experiences, taught me a great deal about dating submissive women.

You ALWAYS Have to Lead

A girl being submissive very often means that she is indecisive. I’ve encountered many of these types (a few exes, and even my own mother), and I’ve learned that you have to be especially decisive as a man if you don’t want to find yourself constantly frustrated by them.

I’ve dated girls who would never, and I mean never, decide where we would go on dates or hangouts. Interactions would go something like this:

Me: Hey Giselle! Have you decided where you want to go to celebrate your wonderful promotion?

Her: Hey babe! No, I haven’t. I don’t care where we go, you should pick!

Me: Haha, well, normally that’s ok; but it’s your special day, so we should go where you would like.

Her: Haha ok, fair enough! Well… do you have any good suggestions?

Me: Well, I know you really like [X place]. You always say how good of a time it is there.

Her: Ok! Let’s go there!

Notice how even though I turned it on her to make a decision, she subtly turned it back on me. And I knew that we wouldn’t get anywhere unless I took charge, so I just suggested a place she loved. And that was that.

submissive women

I knew it would be a waste of time to keep this back-and-forth going. And that’s how it was all of the time. And if you’re a decisive man, that’s no problem. But if you’re not… it can definitely cause some issues – or worse, loss of attraction – if decisions can never be made.

So if you want to date a submissive woman – especially one far down the submissiveness scale – be prepared to lead HARD. I’ve even been with girls who wouldn’t leave the house until they got my opinion and stamp of approval on their outfit.

More Leeway

A great aspect of dating submissive women is that you have a lot more leeway with them. If you make a mistake, they will be much more forgiving than a stubborn or more obstinate woman. You can choose to be vulnerable with them without appearing weak or clingy.

So don’t worry about missteps with submissive women. They can generally forgive you for most things and will always be looking to ensure your well-being.

More Emotional Sway

However, keep in mind that you will have more emotional sway over submissive women. So that means that if you cheat on them or even just blatantly flirt with women, you’re more likely to incur their wrath or make them generally cold toward you.

Since submissive women are typically more introverted, you as the man in their life will be a large source of their personal validation. So if you start betraying that role… get ready for some pushback.

This is where submissive women can potentially become clingy: if they sense that you’re starting to pull away from them or aren’t showing as much love or affection as you used to, then they will start to get angry/depressed/desperate with you. And things can go from very rosy to very rocky – very quickly – in these situations.

You Need to Sexually Lead

If you want to date women on the more submissive side, you’ll have to be ready to lead sexually as well (if you want to learn how to be a good lover, read here).

If these women are used to you dominating them in social situations, they’ll expect you to dominate them between the sheets. And if you can do so successfully – they will absolutely love you for it.

Wrapping Up

Dating submissive women can feel like the most natural thing in the world – because it is. When each person in a dynamic is fulfilling the role they are supposed to fill, everyone will be happy and satisfied. You know what to expect and you know how to look. So now, the rest is up to you.

Carpe diem,


Colt WilliamsAbout the Author: Colt Williams

Raised in the American Midwest, Colt Williams made a name for himself in dating with a style based on soulful poetic seductions and playful dance floor antics. His style is all about inspiring girls and drawing them into one’s world. You can book phone coaching with him here, or get a copy of his guide to getting laid on Tinder, the product of months of study and experimentation by him on the medium.


Get Your FREE eBook on Texting Girls

how to text girls pdf

Sign up for our email insights series and get a copy of our popular ebook "How to Text Girls" FREE. Learn more ...

Related Articles from


Dante's picture

Great article Colt!

I have a question for you and Chase. In Chase's article on life purpose and meaning he mentions that we should all try to fit children into our future plans because eventually our biology will take over and we'll want to settle down. So, if/when you guys have children, do you plan on eventually teaching them all of these different aspects of the social and sexual arts and will you do it differently if you have daughters?

David Riley's picture

Hey Dante,

I sent Chase an email with a link to this particular question.

Just Dave

Chase Amante's picture


Yes, of course! With daughters it'd be more of a "here's how people operate, here's how men think, here's what it means when men are doing this" conditioning so that they can see right through it from early on. How does she stay in control in the mating game and sort through the men who are putting on a show to get into her pants and achieve what she wants to achieve with them?

A woman can be very powerful if she understands men inside and out. She can also be very good at choosing a top caliber mate, and then guiding and nurturing his ability to produce and achieve. A big part of being very successful as a woman is in being the dominant female with a piercing understanding of human (and especially male) nature, and the ability to hold and use leverage over men prudently. She should expect that passion will decline throughout the relationship, as nearly always happens, yet be proficient enough at wielding leverage that even if he runs off to have liaisons with other women (as powerful men are wont to do), she's always the one he comes back to, and he'd drop the other women in a heartbeat if if meant choosing between them and her (if it risked exposing her to social humiliation, for instance). Meantime, she'd need to always be careful to maintain herself, so that if she needed an exit plan (e.g., he becomes a total insensitive dick), it wouldn't be hard to find.

I think the training for a woman is to be her man's righthand person and closest advisor. Properly trained, she's absolutely invaluable. If you look at some of the most successful women in history, they've been kingmakers; women whose partners had meteoric rises with them at their sides, then fell the moment the woman left, only for another man to rise with her now at his side. Meanwhile, you want a son to be trained to be as effective at making himself a great success by himself as possible, though a great woman will always be a great addition to that picture. But he should count on the risk of a mistress coming to light or something of that nature that risks the relationship and forces him to go it alone for a time, and he should be able to endure that without missing a beat.

(all of this assumes you're raising children from an "achieve great things" standpoint than a "be happy every day" standpoint - raising them to lead greatness-focused lives rather than leading them to lead happiness-focused ones. If you want to raise children to lead exceedingly happy lives, you'd want to do things differently - I think most people try to raise their children to "be happy", although I can't say how sound the child-rearing models most folks follow are because training children to be happy isn't really a concern of mine; if a child's focused on that, well, by the time he's an adult I'll already have trained him how to run business and make money easily, so I suppose he can always go cash in his millions and go live out his life on an island in the South Pacific... or whatever happiness-focused folk do to maximize pleasure for themselves once paying the bills is no longer a concern ;)


bill's picture

im older than you but you should have been my dad lol mayby I would hav learned how to succeed in life.

Spicedrum's picture

Chase and Crew,

Men, I need your help. I’ve followed your philosphy of GirlsCase and my fundamentals are tight enough. I have a career, hobbies, family and friends (I’m 47, divorced). Unfortunately, I found myself in a whole lot of mess.

The deal: I’ve become high intermediate. Women are drawn to me (22 to 53 years of age) submissive, aggressive types, married/relationship types. Seriously, I’m able to get them to chase me! Men want to know how I manage to meet so many women and consider me cool (I direct them to GC). I’m having a blast and have four “friends with Benefits” relationships (they know of each other; but, have not met). And everyday, instictively, I meet another that may fit the bill and set dates up. I’m not looking for long term relations. When I’m out and about I have trouble choosing which lady to pull because they show interest. I found making friends with women old, young, fat, skinny, tall or small helps to meet even more. A topic que, “Friendships with women for even more Preselection”.

So now, my time is consumed with hotties and I even had to call in sick to work; because, I was super tired (that’s why I’m writing now). My passion is to please them all. Any advice to reign this power in? Or how you guys keep the attention from consuming you?

Taking a big bite and savouring it all.


PS To you gentlemen that may be starting to follow GirlsCase, this S*#T is for real! Be careful.

David Riley's picture

Hey Spicedrum,

I'm glad to hear about your success with women and I wish you more success in the future. Balancing women and a career can become very challenging especially once you get really good with women. They become addicted to you and want to spend a lot of time with you. I wouldn't say pull back the power, this sounds more like a issue with time management. All you have to do is just limit the time you spend with women. Just let them know that you can't afford to be calling off sick all the time. Let them know you're having fun with them, but you have to focus on your career to. The biggest thing is letting women know you appreciate them, but you're focusing on other things at them moment. This will aid you in keeping things casual for awhile without her pursuing a relationship as hard with you.

When you set up boundaries in a relationship even if it's just a FWB, it sets the a good precedent with women. Because you're communicating that you're going to do ABC for her and not XYZ. Whatever you communicate with a woman is what you're gonna want to follow through on. Keep doing what you're doing Spice! Sounds like you're on your way to becoming one of the greats.

Take care,

Just Dave

Confused Mind's picture

I am currently quite confused about the mindset of the guy I am currently seeing. Both of us are in our mid 30's. I am pretty inexperienced when it comes to dating. I got married when I was 20 and was married for 12 years. After that I had a 3 year long relationship with my ex-boyfriend whom I recently broke up with. And now, this guy. Basically, through my adulthood, I have only been in 2 relationships.

He seems to be a genuine, honest, no game playing type of guy with a very rough past. From the get-go, he said he wanted to have a family and children. (So, I read into this that he is interested in a long-term relationship?) He was/ is VERY attracted to me. We have great chemistry going. He told me he would always be honest about us whether the truth will hurt or not, and will always consider my feelings before he does something that could hurt me. He said he wanted me emotionally and physically. He wants me as a whole person. Everything about me, he wants to know. But I don't know if his intention has changed since then.

We met while I was working as his real estate agent. His sister was the one who referred him to me. I have not heard any negative things about him from his sister or reading his Facebook comments (stalkerish, I know, but I wanted to get a feel of what type of guy he is).

It has ONLY been a month and half since we started to talk. I also have to add that we already had sex several times. However, due to circumstances, we have never been on a date (hopefully, this weekend?!). But I was invited to his sister's daughter's birthday party and met his other sister. I have also met his long-time friend. I have 2 children with whom he gets along with really well. He has a very busy work schedule (he works 2 jobs) that whenever he gets to be home, he would sleep.

My gripe is that it takes him forever to text me back (talking about 45 min. or 3 hours sometimes). He texts me at least once a day to tell me about his day and asks me about my day. However, I prefer for him to call. But he rarely calls. How serious would he be if he prefers to only text? At the beginning, he used to send me sweet texts and links to videos of sweet songs, and he texted me pretty much all day, but now just once a day.

He has been going through a big stressful changes in his life and he was depressed for 2 weeks of the time we have been seeing each other - he was pretty much keeping to himself. During the time while he was depressed, he did text me to apologize for being so distant. I told him that it is understandable for a person to feels this way when he/she is going through such a stressful change in life.

I don't know if this is the reason why it feels as if his enthusiasm has dropped considering the decline numbers and frequency of texts or he actually does not expect more out of us.

He has opened up to me and showed his vulnerable side regarding his past, childhood, past relationships, losses of loved ones etc. He has been done wrong by a few of his ex-girlfriends and closed friends. Do men tell these kinds of things to every woman?!

Our conversations are always about him. He never asked anything about me and my life. Another point that makes me thinks that he is not really interested.

I worry that I would just be a sex buddy to him at this point since we haven't yet been on a date. Though he never booty-called me at night. And when we have sex, we would spend time together afterwards. I understand his schedule is busy. And I know he has so much going on his life that had been his focus since before he met me. But if a man wants a woman, wouldn't he want to make time?

I just don't understand this man, his angle and his intention. I do not know whether I should drop him or whether I should bring up my frustration and talk to him about the status of us or whether I should just ride it and see how it all will develop. I'm so confused.

FVSU Wildcat 14's picture

@. Colt Williams,

I was alarmed by your message. Then I said he is just trying to get a rise out of women. Hey, you were a bit disrespectful to women and want you to know that a gentleman does not think and act like that.
After 18 years of marriage, I have not cheated on my wife. All men don't cheat. Seek some help.

You give males a bad name.

Ami's picture

My wife is 29 and very submissive, but she is too shy to accept it.
We are Indians but do travel. Please let me know if anyone can help.

Alexander Rose's picture

Love this article!

Andrea's picture

Hello everyone, are there any good dating sites, chat forums or ANYTHING anyone can recommend for me to try...I have seen the typical...sites...but maybe someone has a better idea? Thank you! (canada)

LR's picture

Bitchy men are dominant. Anyway men would rather go out with good girls than jerkettes who want to want to trample their hearts. No man wants his heart to be trampled by a dominant bad girl so he prefers a submissive, good girl instead. For men being loud and bitchy protects them from being hurt by women.

Add new comment

The Latest from