How to Text a Girl


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The social arts is really a collection of different social skills rolled up and bundled together in one big hodgepodge of stuff useful for getting success with women. And one of these many skills you’ll find you’ll need to work on that proves absolutely vital to your success is text messaging and how to text a girl.

Texting is a thorn in many a man’s side. Sometimes it might seem when you’re trying to figure this medium out that there are more questions when it comes to text messaging than there are answers. What’s the right thing to say in your texts? How do you know if your messages are having the right effect on a girl – or not? What should your ultimate objective with texting be – what are you trying to accomplish?

I used to be highly vehemently anti-text myself and pro-phone; “You can’t build a real connection with a girl over text, and you should never ask her out over text,” was my old mantra. But times change, people change, and so have I; these days, I almost never make phone calls anymore. Phone calls are so 20th century.

 

Your Objective in Texting Girls

Let’s start with the underlying basics and strategy of text messaging girls, because that’s what’s going to drive how you structure your messages and everything else about them.

First off, we covered some of the very basics of text messaging back in April of last year in “Text Message Flirting,” so if you haven’t read that one yet or you need a quick refresher, start there. That out of the way, let’s dive in.

I feel like most of the men whose text conversations I see have a very slipshod approach toward texting: they text girls without really knowing what their objectives are, oftentimes without any discernable objectives at all. I’m not sure how they expect directionless, objective-free texting to lead to anything productive, but well, I remember the days when I was a lot less effective with texting and it felt like this big black question mark of an area, so I commiserate.

We’ll shine a little light on texting then, and get you pointed in the right direction. You will only ever have two (2) objectives for texting, and they should never overlap. Here are your objectives in texting girls:

  • Build rapport and comfort, or
  • Set up a meet.

That’s it. I think when most men are texting women they rather have this pseudo-objective instead, which is:

  • Keep texting her and fishing around hoping to somehow set up a date.

And that’s probably the most abominable lack of direction in texting known to man. That horrible, atrocious non-objective leads to men sending all kinds of random, half-baked, lame text messages that leave a woman staring at them thinking, “Why is he texting me this?” and only accomplish sinking the guy’s efforts to win this new girl over.

Thumbs down for the pseudo-objective. If you do that, stop immediately.

Back to our real objectives. When you are sending text messages, a woman should know immediately what your objective is – to build rapport or to ask her out. There should be no question in her mind; this is how to text a girl properly. The reason I say not to have any overlap is because the instant you start trying to overlap setting up meets with building rapport, it gets messy. That’s when you have a guy fishing around as he builds rapport, hoping for / looking for / trying to find some way to ask the girl out. Don’t fall into this trap; keep your objectives separate. Either you’re building rapport, or you’re setting up a meet.

Some dos and do nots:

Don’t

  • Beat around the bush.
  • Text without having an objective.
  • Send lots and lots of texts.
  • Get wordy or longwinded.

Do

  • Be direct and straightforward.
  • Text with your objective in mind.
  • Send a handful of well-planned texts.
  • Be precise and concise.

You will always be trying either to build rapport and comfort, or set up a meet. That’s all; those are your text messaging objectives when it comes to contacting women.

 

Warm Texting and Cold Texting

One stop into the land of definitions before we continue. I want to make sure we differentiate between warm and cold texting, because it’s an important distinction. So let’s define these terms henceforth for the remainder of this article.

Warm texting is when you text message a girl who was expecting to hear from you at the time you texted her, or was thinking about you.

Cold texting is when you text message a girl who was not expecting to hear from you at the time you texted her, and was not thinking about you.

Why the distinction? Because you’re going to strike a different tone in different types of messages, depending on how prepared a girl was to be talking to you.

I’ll give you a pair of examples: first, imagine you’re on your way to meet a coworker you’re friendly with but not super close with for lunch. You get a text from him: “Just parked. Grab a table yet?” It may be the first text message he’s sent you all day, but it feels normal because you were expecting to hear from him. Now let’s say you’re sitting there at 10 AM in the morning the next day, slogging through some work you don’t want to do when you’d really rather be in bed. You get a text from the same coworker whom you’re friendly with but not very close with; this one reads: “Just had my second cup of Joe. How’s your morning?” To a very social person, it might be cool to get this text, but most people will find this one strange and intrusive; it comes out of the middle of nowhere. They wonder, “Why is he texting me?”

That’s the difference between warm and cold texts. The first one – where you were planning to meet your coworker – came as no surprise, because of course you would need to handle some logistical issues with meeting each other for lunch.

The second one though – where’d that one come from? This isn’t a guy you’re super close with – is he trying to be friends with you? Does he want something from you? Does he have some kind of man-crush on you? Those are the kind of confused questions that pop into your head when a cold text isn’t properly structured to account for the surprise and confusion it may elicit.

Texting girls is a little more nuanced than you thought, ain’t it?

 

How to Structure Your Texts

When you send your first text in a new text message conversation with a girl (e.g., the first text you’ve sent her after not having spoken with her via text for two or more hours; no exceptions, even if you just talked to her over the phone), there are a few elements you will always want to include in every cold text. These are:

  • A greeting.
  • Her name.
  • A piece of new information.
  • Something that shows you’re considering her.

Each of these plays a big part in the “feel” of the text. Here’s what a complete one with all of the elements looks like:

Gabby, hey. Running a bit behind, sorry; will be there closer to 2:30. Still cool?

So there, we have:

  • Greeting: “hey”
  • Name: “Gabby”
  • Information: “Running a bit behind” “will be there closer to 2:30”
  • Consideration: “sorry” “Still cool?” Also, the fact that you texted to let her know you’d be late in the first place – that also counts as consideration

In certain cases, we can drop the greeting and it still feels okay, especially if the text is a warm text. So in the example above, we could drop the greeting (“hey” in this case) and it’s still okay, because she’s expecting you to handle logistical issues in the run up to the date. You could drop the name too, but that makes it a bit impersonal, so I recommend keeping it.

You should always use a girl’s name in your first text of a new text conversation. This trips a mental trigger that reassures her that you’re talking to her. Text, phone, and email correspondences simply don’t feel that personal when you don’t use the other person’s name; I highly, highly recommend that you do. My text message conversations always start with:

Hey Lily, hope your weekend was good =)

Katie, morning!

Hi Melanie!

Always a greeting, and always a name.

Note that I shied away from exclamation points (“!”) and emoticons (smileys) for a while, as being too “cutesy” and adding too much fun into texts, but ultimately decided periods (“.”) were too morose. For a while, I operated off the assumption that a girl would just get used to me using periods and eventually realize that hey, Chase is always in a good mood so I shouldn’t take it to mean he’s sad or complaining when he uses periods, but these days I’m moving so quickly with girls that they don’t have time to properly get to know me anymore.

When you’re moving fast with new girls, exclamation points and emoticons have more upside than downside for engendering the right emotions and allowing you to progress things rapidly.

Hi Chase. Hope your week has been good. Feel like mine’s never going to end.

makes me recoil in fear that this girl’s a total downer; she sounds dour and whiney. I’m scared if I meet up with her she’ll suck me into negativity or get clingy and dependent on me if we get together. On the other hand,

Hi Chase! Hope your week has been good :) Feel like mine’s never going to end..!

feels so much more fresh and vivid and engaging! I can’t wait to see this girl. Same exact message, just different punctuation at the end of the sentences. She’s a breath of fresh air. Our texting won’t be quite that bouncy, since we won’t be texting exactly as girls text, but it’ll be pretty close.

Texting is one of those mediums where you’re forced to choose, unfortunately. In this case, the choice is between masculine and negative, or feminine and positive. I’ll choose feminine and positive and trust that my masculinity in person will plow under any thoughts of my texting being cutesy.

On the matter of information and consideration: the information you share is the “point” of the text; it’s the reason why you texted. The consideration is the “bond” in the text; it’s your way of bonding with and showing care and consideration for this girl you’re texting.

You want to make sure you know how to text a girl and create the right emotions, because without that you’re sunk. If she’s left confused as to why you sent the text (information is missing or irrelevant) or feels like it’s cold and you aren’t really focused so much on her (lack of consideration), she’ll have confused or bad feelings tied to the text correspondence and be less likely to respond positively, and less likely to respond at all.

Information might be:

Sitting here in gridlock… this city has the worst traffic ever!

Had the most amazing shrimp of my life last night… I can still taste it.

Thinking we need to get together some time soon.

Consideration might be:

How’s your week looking?

How was your test?

What’s your schedule looking like this week?

You’ll notice I use a lot of, “What’s your week look like?” That’s because I find it a great, open-ended question for both A) getting a girl to talk about anything fun, different, or interesting she’s got going on or coming up, and B) setting up logistics for us to meet up. And, as you’ll see in just a moment, I’m very direct these days and don’t like wasting much time on niceties.

You’ll also notice we’re directly violating one of the capital rules of text message flirting I posted about a year ago. Well, for ordinary texting, that still holds true: texting in the initial message is a no-no.

But when you structure things very properly as we do here, you can circumvent that rule and cut to the chase. It’s the whole “get good enough and the rules don’t apply to you anymore” rule. Well, certain rules do still apply – if you drop names and greetings and consideration, you probably won’t get very far. But you can drop the question rule when you’re doing everything else right and then you can use questions to your advantage.

Here’s what our text messages to these gals look like fully assembled:

Hey Lily, hope your weekend was good =) Sitting here in gridlock… this city has the worst traffic ever! How’s your week looking?

Katie, morning! Had the most amazing shrimp of my life last night… I can still taste it. How was your test?

Hi Melanie! Thinking we need to get together some time soon. What’s your schedule looking like this week?

These are cool, fun, personal, and upbeat, and will almost always get responses. This is influenced partly by the initial impression you made on the girls you’re sending them to, of course, and partly by precedent (e.g., if your initial impression was not good for whatever reason, or you’ve already set bad precedent in your correspondence, a good text now may be too little too late), but generally, structured this way, you’ll almost always hear back from women, and they’ll almost always be at least reasonably warm and expansive in their replies.

 

How to Text a Girl to Build Rapport

I recommend you send an initial text message to a girl three to five hours after first meeting her. If you met her toward the end of the night in a bar or nightclub or on the street or at a party, one or two hours later is okay if you’re just about to head to bed.

Your first text message, several hours after first meeting a girl, is to break the communication barrier and establish a degree of comfort for her with communicating with you. The longer you wait, the more awkward it gets when that first communication of yours arrives (whether a text message or a phone call), so text within three to five hours to prevent any awkwardness or expectation settling in and establish rapport via text message right away. All you need to do that is a simple text like:

Glad to meet a fellow traveler :) -Chase

or

Happy to run into you tonight :) -Chase

Basically, you’re giving her:

  • A goodwill statement letting her know you’re glad to meet her
  • A smiley face conveying warmth and good feelings
  • Your name

This serves the following purposes:

  • Establishing rapport. You’ve quickly moved to establish rapport via text message, removing any awkwardness or expectation. When you text or call later, it will be natural, now that you’ve already exchanged communication.
  • Confirmation that you like her and remember her. Sometimes guys take girls’ phone numbers and get all weird or never text or call at all. Girls can get stuck wondering if you really liked her, if you ever intend to get in touch with her again, or if you’ll be the same over text as you were in person or if you’re one of those Jekyll / Hide guys who’s cool in person but creepy over text. Giving her a (short, single sentence) goodwill statement with accompanying smiley will set her mind at ease and prevent her from starting to imagine any weird scenarios of you texting or calling and it being odd.
  • Giving her your name. When you’ve been at this for a while, you develop a talent for remembering everyone’s name, because you get so used to meeting lots and lots of new people that it just becomes routine. I rather enjoy meeting a new group of eight or ten people, having them all cycle through their names, and then I go back and tell them all what their names are after and everyone’s amazed. As it were though, most women are not so talented, and may very well forget your name, no matter how much they like you and how deeply you connect. This can be downright embarrassing for them – so much so sometimes that they can’t bear to talk to you for the shame of it. Signing your name at the end of that first text allows them to save face and gives them your name just in case they forgot it.

For building rapport, typically I’ll fire off that initial text, then not get in contact with the girl at all the following day, only reestablishing rapport the day after (unless she reaches out to me first). At that time I’ll generally fire off a few rapport building texts to get her comfortable chatting with me. These follow the structure we covered earlier, at least in the first text or two.

Some general outlines on rapport-building texts:

  • Be concise. Shorter texts get far more replies than longwinded ones.
  • Stay positive. No one likes a downer; bring good, positive energy to your texts. Girls should look forward to receiving texts from you. Let them dread texts from those other boring, depressing life-draining guys, while you come along and light up their days.
  • Keep it to a few texts. Unless you get in a really good texting conversation with a girl, you’ll want to keep it to three to ten texts sent, generally.
  • Watch the time. It’s okay to vary your response times, but don’t reply too much more quickly to a girl’s text than she replies to yours until you get pretty advanced, lest you risk looking like you’re waiting by the phone for her reply with nothing better to do. Once you’re advanced, you can play around with varying response times; sometimes I’ll reply within minutes to a girl’s text; other times it might take me hours. Usually that’s more because I’m busy than anything else, but building variance into your response time is a good thing to do.

 

How to Text a Girl to Arrange a Meet

This is the real meat of this post and probably the most important part of it. Honestly, I hardly spend much time building rapport with girls over text these days; I usually go straight for setting up the date. If you prefer to build some comfort and rapport first, I’d recommend a rough schedule like this:

  • Initial text several hours after first meeting girl
  • Rapport-building texts two days after first meet
  • Arrange the date four to five days after first meet

That’s all you need. Less, even. Like I said, I often skip the rapport-building these days unless I really think a girl needs it, and I go for setting up the meet the day after I’ve first met a girl or the next day after that. You don’t need to talk to a girl for weeks before she’s ready to meet up with you; you don’t need to gradually win her over. You just need to get her out.

Back in my days selling tires, my old boss asked me a question while I was still in training. He asked me, “Do you know what the telephone is for?”

I said, “To sell the customer on a tire?”

He said, “No. A really good, seasoned salesguy, like Jim, can sell a customer on a tire over the phone, but even he knows not to push too hard to try to sell over the phone unless he can tell that’s what the customer wants. All I want you to do with the telephone is to use it to get the customer in the store. Selling over the phone is an uphill battle; but, get them in the store, and by that point they’ve come all the way here, they’ve made the decision this is where they want to buy their tires, and they’re committed, and more likely than not they’ll buy the tire. You stand a much better chance of selling the customer a tire when they’re here in front of you than when you have them on the phone. Get them in the store.”

I took that to heart and made it my priority with every phone call I answered from a customer. Whenever I found myself on the phone, my priority was get them in the store.

I forgot this lesson for a while when I was first learning how to do well with women, and I’d have these long, drawn out phone and text message interactions spanning weeks and months, and sometimes I’d eventually meet the girl, and sometimes nothing would come of it. It was colossally ineffective. I hated the phone; I had better luck taking a girl home the same night I met her in the nightclub than I did ever seeing her again once I had a phone number.

But eventually I remembered “get them in the store.” Translated to seduction, it’s “get them out with you.”

So, I stopped trying to sell myself over the phone, and just started using it as a logistical tool to set up dates; my success soared. I’ve hardly even used phone calls at all the past two years. Heck, in the first fifteen days of this year, I slept with four new girls, every one on first dates, every one of those dates coordinated via text message. My secret? “Get them out with you.”

I recently helped a good friend of mine structure his text messages to get a girl out who hadn’t responded to an earlier effort of his. I wrote him up a new text, and suddenly this girl who hadn’t responded before responded right away this time and ended up coming out late that night to meet him when she had to be up for work at 7 am the next day.

Why? Three elements to a meet-up text:

  • Be warm.
  • Offer value.
  • Keep your eye on the ball.

The ball being the meet, of course. The value can be offering to do something cool or fun with her, or it may simply be leading her to something she wants to do (meet you). Sometimes girls will ask side questions, like, “How was your day?” but you must answer that and continue to push toward the meet. Don’t get sidetracked. Here’s what an example conversation might look like as you forge ahead toward setting up a meet:

Guy:
Lisa, hey! Let’s figure out a time to grab a bite. How’s this weekend looking for you?

Girl:
This weekend’s okay, sure! How are you??

Guy:
I’m good! Why don’t we do Saturday at 1 PM? We can meet at Main St Station Exit 2 and go from there. Cool?

Girl:
Okay!

Guy:
Awesome. See you Sat ;)

And bam, that’s all it takes. Note that when she asked how he was, he didn’t get sidetracked and kept his eye on the ball (the meet). A pal of mine fell into that trap and got diverted off-course and ended up not meeting up with a girl who wanted to meet up with him because of that, which sucks. Keep your eye on the ball and continue pushing – gently, calmly, and socially adroitly – for the meet. Then, plan a good date and make it a simple date and she’s as good as yours.

 

Parting Thoughts

This was another rather wordy article, but I haven’t seen much good information out on there on texting and wanted to put this out. I was considering making this a mini-ebook and selling it, but, eh… my hands are full enough with finishing How to Make Girls Chase and doing pre-scripting for Spellbinding. Besides, information wants to be free anyway, right? ;)

Seriously, if you get this down, your dating life will get about 1000x easier. Being able to quickly turn your phone numbers into meets is a game changer; it gives you so many more opportunities to succeed with women. Definitely focus on stepping up your text message skills and really learning how to text a girl when you have the time.

A few of the possibly more challenging bumps in the road you may encounter and the items you’ll likely want to target as you seek to learn this:

  • Beginners: getting down timing (how fast or slow should you respond? what days and what times of day should you text at?), number of texts sent (how many is too few? too many?), and anxiety over pulling the trigger (sooner or later you have to ask her out!).
  • Intermediate: getting down concision (don’t write long texts), being interesting without being an entertainer (avoid being boring, but also avoid going over the top), engaging women properly (how do you get them really participating?), and arranging dates more smoothly.
  • Advanced: cutting down your texting even more, to the bare minimum of texts you need to send before you can get a girl on a date; getting girls to chase you and pursue you and at times work to set the date up themselves; getting very dominant and direct in how you set up your dates and mastering the finer points of language in text messages; working on assuming the sale (“Shall we grab lunch? I’m thinking we could do O’Malley’s at noon tomorrow; sound good?”).

So, get thee to a cell phone and start texting today. Invaluable skill to have, and while I still think you ought to invest some time into getting great on the phone just for the pure sake of having that versatility should you need it, texting at this level is really all you need to get girls out and on dates reliably and quickly.

In short, I am firmly a text messaging convert these days. Texting girls... fun, easy, effective, and above all, efficient! Can’t be beat.

Talk to you soon.

Always,
Chase Amante

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Comments

Anonymous's picture

Keeping a warm feeling


Hey Chase,

Great writing man and always great information!

So I have this situation. I'm supposed to have a date with this lovely Latina woman on Wednesday, which I set up on Sunday, miraculously. Now, don't mean to ask the obvious, but what should I do before the date to avoid her flaking? Should I text her before? Should I call her the day of?

Any advice would be great.

Anonymous's picture

no margain for error


Great advice, thank you for the article but unfortunately I have dug myself a hole... I took the advice and sent this girl a text asking how her break is going, and she hasn't texted back in several hours. The real problem is that she is in to me but is in a relationship with someone else, meaning I am competing with this guy. So far I am still maintaining a friendly relationship. So should I text her again and apologize or change the subject because at the moment I can't let it just sit, I have to do something

Anonymous's picture

Hi Chase, Loved the


Hi Chase,
Loved the article.

I got this girl that I like (Vietnamese). She not dating anyone at the moment.
But she also not interested in dating. I've let her know I like her, but she only consider me as as friend. Weve hang out for a while now, but I don't know what I should do from here. Is there a advice you could give me or what I should do?

Bobby's picture

RE: No margin for error


Anonymous, why would you apologize? She may just enjoy the attention you show her. Make your intentions clear BF or not, beating around the bush will get you friend zoned every time.

Anon 8's picture

Advice


Hi Chase (or any1 willing 2 reply :). I know u are probably swamped with mail now, but I would like 2 know how to go about this situation. I've had a few opportunities to date girls at school but none are really my type. I am interested in 1 girl at the moment who is very intelligent, good dancer and sociable (she's got loads of friends). I've known her for about a year and she considers us friends. She's never dated before. What would u think is the best way to go about getting her 2 go on a date during the summer holidays... Thanks a ton man :)

Jaye's picture

Had to bookmark. Very nice


Had to bookmark. Very nice read.

I did have a question though.

What's your thought's on breaking from the "Friend Zone" with someone you talk and or text with on the regular (weekly)

Doing ok's picture

Great post! Here's a


Great post!

Here's a question. Say you've got the girl, seen (and slept with) her a few times. You text each other every day (you're in different cities). But you feel she's cooling. You realize you've recently sent some long-winded texts which got minimal responses after long time delays.

What's the best way to claw back some status?

She sends you an average text - you ignore it.
She then sends a "haven't heard from you today". Do you ignore that one too? Reply the next day?

And how cool/minimal should your reply be when you do send it?

At what point does regaining status risk tipping over into auto-rejection?

Thanks!

Anonymous's picture

How to Follow-Up


Hey there,

Came across this article late at night and it was very, very well put together. I too own a blog and I love reading and learning what others have to say. Anyway, most of the stuff I had known and read before in other areas but it's interesting to re-learn things as always. I have a question that hopefully you can give a little insight to since I am pretty much new to dating. I had a 7 year relationship that ended a few months back and although I consider myself very confident, attractive and extremely socially aware - it never hurts to have a 2nd opinion.

So here goes.

This weekend I posted an ad on craigslist (personal ad) for going out to get some coffee/whatever for the New Year. I've never bothered to do that but I said why the hell not and kind of just had a feeling. To my pleasant surprise, other than the dozens of spam I got, this girl emails me and wants to exchange pictures. So, we do and she is one of the most gorgeous women I have ever seen. Definitely a 10. I couldn't believe it. So, I looked up her email address on Facebook as usually that's a good way to verify if the person was real and she was. At this point life just got really exciting.

So to move the situation forward I tell her to send me a text since I'm "heading out". Within seconds she sends me a text saying something like "Hey this is XXX, just sent you some more photos, have fun at dinner and you can text me after if you want...". I was like, ok, so far compliance seems to be working really well and she seems vested, so this is good. At that point I tried to elevate by asking if I could give her a call when I was done, but she said she would be out with friends at that point and to send her a text.

So, we end up texting after my dinner with the folks and all in all about 35 texts were exchanged. It was a pretty good flow of responses, and she did ask me several questions although most of them were screening type such as what part of town are you at, what made me want to go to craigslist, what am I looking for, any kids, etc. Towards the end of the conversation she had started to watch TV with her roommate, so I decided that was the time to kill it on a good note and said something witty like "Well, I think you've passed the crazy test so if you want to do something fun like X or Y I've been meaning to go :D" and her response was "Okay I'll be in touch =)", with a final goodbye from me as to how nice it was to meet her and her saying "U2!" in return.

Tonight I felt like messaging her, so I sent her a text saying something like "Hey you, how was your day? I had 3 hours of sleep last night but I felt great today for some reason. Hope your year is off to a great start and have a wonderful evening :)". I figured since from the last convo that nothing decisive was reached so I would try to reinforce my position through some rapport and then the ball was in her court (although maybe not a good idea?). The challenge in this situation is that there was no initial physical meeting, otherwise this would be much more straightforward.

Anyway, I know she bar tends but I got no text response back from tonight. Maybe I'm jumping the gun, but at this point was there any major mistake that I made or should I give it time, forget about it or what? In general I live my life by the law of attraction and detachment, so this is a bit out of character for me to be "obsessing" over this stuff, but I guess the odds of finding a girl that I've been this into were rare so it got me really excited in that childish kind of way.

Thoughts?

Kevin's picture

Long distance


Hi Chase

Thanks so much for all this, this is priceless information!

I hoping you can help me with a bit of a different situation. What if the girl you text, lives far away, so due to it being long distance, it is impossible to set up meetings very easily and often. Thus i am relying on "selling over the phone" instead of "using the phone to get the customer in the store" if you understand what I mean.

Do you have some advice like how often to text, what the messages should generally contain and how many texts maximum? How often should i text first or how long should i wait for her to text first?

Thanx

Kevin

D's picture

Chase,You da man! Your a


Chase,
You da man! Your a smart dude. I just read both your articles on texting girls. I must say I was very surprised with how deep you can get with texting. But I need advice so I figured why not go to the person that advice im already following. So let me get into it haha. Im 18 I have this girl that is 19 that I work with. Since I started working there three months ago I have built a good relationship with her. We have a lot in common. I only work part time though so I rarely see her. But I got her number a week a few weeks ago. I have texted her, but said some stupid things like "Anything going on tonight?" Nd "Hey what up?" . I did text her last night though (cold text) and said "How you like being back in class!?" She responded and said "haha alright u " . Than I messed up terribly! I went on to say a whole bunch of stuff about my classes. Than asked her if she ever had this particular teacher and got a strict "no". I didn't respond I felt stupid lol. So I just don't know where to go from here. I will see her Monday. What should I do my brotha?

Anonymous's picture

Smileys?


Loved the article. I just broke up with my gf and am still trying to adjust to being single (apparently I suck at texting). I have definitely been guilty of over-texting and texting too quickly and am only now figuring out why those girls stopped returning my texts. Also, I recently read an awesome article (http:// www. daveglenn. com/2012/01/daves-guide-to-texting/) about using smiley faces and smiley face winks in my texts, but I was hoping to get a second opinion. I noticed you used smileys and winks in your texts, but was hoping you could have elaborated more on that. To me they come off as unmasculine, and I don't see how any girl could find that attractive. Thoughts?

Mike's picture

Advice please.


Love reading the articles but I need some advice. I've been friends with a girl for a while but I'm starting to like her as more. How should I go about evolving our friendship into a relationship? We hang out and text each other a lot also, so I'm constantly talking to her.

Anonymous's picture

Help!


Hi Chase,
I read a bunch of internet sites and liked yours the best, so thanks for that. Honestly, you're my last hope for this one. I'd really appreciate it if you could find the time to reply to this.

I took a girl out on two dates, one on a Tuesday, to dinner where we talked for a couple of hours; the second, on that Sunday, where we spent 6 and 1/2 hours together. We went shooting, talked about life, went to dinner, had a drink and then I took her back to her car, leaned in and got that first kiss and said goodnight.

During the date, she had indicated that she would be interested in becoming an EMT. I asked her if she would like me to ask my friend who was an EMT if she could get a ride along and she responded w/an enthusiastic yes.

So, on Monday (this past monday actually) I asked my friend if she could do a ride along and he told me yes, but that she needed to give him a call sooner rather than later as he was moving fire stations and she might not be able to do a ride along at that station.

So I left her a VM on Monday only talking about what my friend had said about calling sooner rather than later, leaving her his phone number, and telling her I hope she had a great day. Later that night I got a text message from her in which she told me she would call me in a bit and that she was at her friend's birthday party. I never heard back from her that night.

Fast forward to Wednesday of this past week. I left her a voicemail asking her if she wanted to go to dinner on Friday, I didn't hear back from her that day. Thursday, I missed her call while I was at work and she didn't leave a voicemail. I called her back a few hours later (approximately 3 hours) and got her voicemail. I told her that I was sorry I missed her call, I was busy at work but I was just returning her call. I asked her if she was still interested in doing a ride along and that hopefully we could get together this weekend. She texted me back an hour later telling me "sorry we keep playing phone tag! I'm out with the girls, I'll give you a call in the morning (Friday).

So Friday comes and goes without hearing from her. I shot her a text message, asking "Where is an EMT when you need one! I think I just hurt myself when I fell down these stairs! haha" and I didn't get any response.

I don't know what is going on. Our 2nd date was 6 and 1/2 hours long, the kiss came at the end, and while it seems like she was unprepared, she didn't shy away. I really like this girl, and its the first girl I've really liked in a long time. I don't know if she's nervous, just isn't interested, or what, but not responding to my voicemail about dinner and not calling when she says she will is killing me. Is there anything that can be done to salvage this? I'm putting my faith in you. My friends tell me she's just immature and for me to move on, but I see a great woman here and would like to give it one last shot. I haven't reached out to her anymore since that last text message because I'm not needy or desperate, I just honestly really like this woman and enjoy her company and can see something long term with her.

Please, any advice you could give would be greatly appreciated!

Joseph's picture

Long texts


Hey, great article. What if the girl wants to text you all night kinda thing or if she sometimes gives one word responses

Anonymous's picture

xup, There is this lady I do


xup, There is this lady I do do anything to get. I am really interested in her for a long time. I seems to have messed up with my calls in which I do not phrase well. I do not mind doing anything to get her back. Can using ur pattern at this point still work?

Anonymous's picture

Small Talk Texting


Chase,

Great article. I don't have a problem meeting and talking to girls, but once I have their actual number, texting can be complicated (jokes can come off the wrong way, delays in responses, etc).

Here's my dilema. I met a gorgeous girl at the grocery store, got her number, and quickly took her on a date that following weekend. We went to a quiet pub and ended up talking for hours. I text her the following day with "Had a great time last night! (Insert funny comment relating to the night before)" She quickly responded and that went back and forth for a few hours. I then commented on that she should join me for a movie sometime this week. She quickly agreed with, "That sounds like a fantastic idea." I then continued to text, but her replies started to grow shorter, less enthusiastic, and eventually didn't reply.

I text her the following day with a quick "Hey (insert name)! How's your day going so far?" Got a quick response again, but as we text back and forth, she grew less enthusiastic again and I haven't heard back for nearly two days.

I think I've been coming off as overly enthusiastic. We had already confirmed a future date, yet I continued to text her daily with small conversation starters. Do you think that the "small talk" texting should wait until you're actually in a long-term relationship? I don't think I've dug myself into a hole just yet, but I'm not sure how long I should wait before contacting her again. Any help is much appreciated!

Sean33's picture

A month or so in


Loved the article Chase. Props!

Quick question for you. Been seeing this girl for about a month now and we meet up in person about once a week. Going well and I may want to move it further. I initiate a text convo about 2x a week and she may start one once. Our texts convo are usually short and to the point as your article suggests. Is that about right? Or should I start contacting a little more frequently? I'd like to talk/see a little more often than what we have been doing. And do you have a basic rule of thumb stating how long you wait between texts convos you would start up? Want to keep the lead warm but not come off as clingy and needing to say hi every 15 minutes. Looking at one of your previous posts, it looked like every 3-4 days.

Keep it up!

brett's picture

i know i screwd up...lol


so everything was good with this chick...played it cool then fell victim to my own what ever...point being texting started to change as in she wasnt sending them like she had been...mainly the good morning sweetie...etc

problem is at some point i think she may have been busy however she didnt inform me of anything --> due to the decline of txts then when i was like hey so whats up? kinda since things are lil different? (to her) i get back you come across clingy....i have been called bad things sure, but that is the worst in my opinion..1. how can you change that opinion, because to me any attempt dose make you seem or look that way. 2. last txt i got prior b4 all this was " im so attracted i want us to do more....whats your perspective of being able to undo "clingy" ...i just deleted her but still curious....an props to your articals i know how to not let it happen again at least..

Daccoh's picture

Chase please i wrote dis


Chase please i wrote dis "heyy tina, how was your day? I had a stresful day at school.. How's ur week looking lyk?" nd sent to 3 gals.. Only 1 replied nd we had a nyc chat but d gal i hv a crush on hasnt replied nd itz bn 48hrz nw... Should i send anoda meĞa

Anonymous's picture

Hi Chase! I loved this


Hi Chase! I loved this article. I am having a couple problems with this one girl. I know she likes my friend and I. We both like her back. I was talking to my friend and he said that he is going to ask her out tomorrow! She will most likely say yes. So I am not sure if I should continue texting her. what should i do? She knows that we both like her but she doesn't know that my friend is going to ask her out. I was going to ask her out this week also but my friend said he was so I think it would be best to let my friend get her. If you could give me some advice that would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks so much

Bodi's picture

Hey, great info, just one


Hey, great info, just one qustion though, theres this girl that i would like to get with but i message her on facebook cause i dont have a phone yet but she responded for a while then suddenly stopped....... im just not sure and was wondering if you would know why she would.

Josh's picture

confused!


Right, me and this girl had been texting for nearly a week after seeing eachother on a night out. I managed to meet up with her after another 3 days without seeing her, she seemed extremely interested and we were both texting quite frequently! But the second time I managed to meet up with her, she seemed disinterested and as if she wanted to be somewhere else. Even though she was the one who arranged the meeting. And she wasnt very chatty at all, and came across really moody. And now things have changed, she seems completely disinterested in the texts, not so many x's on the end of texts, and only answering to my questions but asking me back. Does this mean shes lost interest over night? I still think she must like me a little bit because she wouldnt reply at all if she didnt? I know I wouldnt. Im also going on a night out, and am more then likely seeing her, should I just avoid her, or show that Im still theyre incase she wants to pick up the pieces. Hopefully you see this in time!

Wish's picture

Info


Hey chase,
I got a question i "just" met a girl on internet some day ago so whatever it sucks since we live live 15 thousand miles away i want to go meet her.
How do i got to her?i just ask to go out really and tell i will go there?wont this be seemed like "bad" or should i wait and "sell myself" instead due to the distance)Should i tell something like "just ask me a date and i'll be there " or i ask her for a date?

Wish's picture

Questions


Hey chase! ( i may have posted this twice not sure )
I got a question some day agao i met a girl on the web wich lives 15 thousand miles away from me,dunno what's up but i really like her,and i would go out with her,shoudl i just ask her or should i go slowly since u telling y i'll make 15 thousand miles to date you after a week is too much?and she'll get scared?how would u do?

Anonymous's picture

Thank you!


Finally someone came out with some great tips. Just wanted to thank you for this page of advice, it was very Very helpful and much appreciated. Have a good one!

Anonymous's picture

Hey Chase thank you! I have a question


Dear Chase,

I've been talking to this girl for a while and she will go from not replying to my texts to replying and it keeps going back and forth. And now its back to her being on the not replying much and being distant side again. She is going on vacation in a few days I was wondering if I should text her and tell her to have a good vacation or should I wait till she gets back and send her a text and set up a meet?

Any help would be appreciated :)

L's picture

Hey i read your article and


Hey i read your article and was wondering if you could help me. i was at this club this past sat and i met this girl that night on the dance floor i had her make out with me i was grabbing her ass and her tits i was even fingering her, she was grinding on my leg she started to pull on my pants so i pulled my goods out and she was jerking it off and putting it between her legs and rubbing against it on the dance floor. we didnt have sex that's about all we did. nobody came or anything well at least i didn't. and that was my first time doing that on the dance floor.

When i was leaving i saw her again and i was like let me get your number we should hang out some time. she said ok and took my phone and added her number i then was like ill text you tomorrow she said ok. so the next day came when i woke up it was like 3pm i texted her saying exactly this - Hey what's up. It's L, The tall cute guy in the bright red shirt- that's what i said sunday at 3:00pm its monday now at 1:31pm and she still didn't reply back to me yet i really want to get it in with this girl cause what happened on the dance floor didn't really do me justice. i dont plan on texting her again but i plan on calling her on friday to try to meet up with her i might say something like lets catch a movie. But if she doesn't answer friday then im just gonna delete her number. any advice? anything i should do in particular?

Anders's picture

So, i feel bad after reading this...


there is a girl i met at work, in the same company. she works at a different location. anyway, i called her at work, and we chatted for a few minutes. before she hung up she gave me her phone number (about four days ago).

anyway, we texted back and forth that day, and i called her that evening. we set up a date for this next week, about a week later, and now she is mostly ignoring my texts. i tell her that we have some planning to do for the date, and text her 1-3 times a day, a couple hours apart. I have called her and left messages twice. she works a lot and has a 4 yo son, but still seemed interested in hanging out on wednesday. anyway, im going to stop trying to get a hold of her, and if she wants to hang out on wednesday, i guess she will let me know.

my questions are these: how much texting is too much, and if she is returning my texts at a ratio of 1:6 or 1:7, should i move on, or should i just be patient and see what happens right before date night?

Thanks in advance, Anders

James's picture

Lots of meets


The girl I wanna get with, I see her often at college, however not for long periods of time, as she is in a different class, and we just met recently.
I got her number and I'm doing okay, but

1. I don't want the texts to get boring and tedious

2. As see each other alot, bit stuck with how to get the meet in!!

Any help would be grand!!

Sarah's picture

Not all girls appreciate


Not all girls appreciate texting from a guy they barely know. You don't seem to address this anywhere. Age definitely has something to do with it. Younger girls think talking is weird and texting is normal. I'm in my late 20's. Not THAT old. I'd be annoyed if a guy I just met tried to have conversations or set up a date via text. Many women feel the same way. A little texting is OK, but that's it. Texting is a cop out and is wimpy. Unless your readers are all going after teenagers or women in their early 20's, they shouldn't put too much weight into texting. Also, it's a LOT easier to reject a guy by text than it is by phone conversation or in person.

Anonymous's picture

Hey Chase, Enjoyed reading


Hey Chase,

Enjoyed reading the article.

I like this girl at my office. I have known her since 2 weeks now. While we were chatting on IM she mentioned that she does not have my number. I did not give it to her immediately but towards the end of our conversation i gave it to her. We do share some similar interest. I have casually asked her last week once if she wants to watch a movie with me. She said we decide on that later. So i followed up with her the next morning. She said that she is on an unplanned trip with her friends and will be returning that night. She had also said she was sorry. I was pretty cool about it. I did not hear from her or text her for like 2 days and then thought let me just IM her. We ended up having a good laugh. Then i gave it another 3 days gap and called her on weekend. I called her up on Saturday afternoon but could not reach her due to network problem. She messaged immediately that she is on a trip and will give a call once she is back. Again i was pretty cool with it and just replied to her message to enjoy the trip. She hasn't called back since then.

I don't want to text but call her and set up a casual outing. Now, i am not sure whether i should wait for couple of days and call her again or should i just move on.

I really like her and want to get to know her better but its me who is always initiating the conversation. Also, she always says that she really enjoys talking to me. I really want to meet her in person and just get to know more about her.

HenryHill's picture

Hey man, thanks for your


Hey man, thanks for your articles they really help. Anyway, my question to you is this: the first day me and this amazing girl met, we made out for a good 20 seconds before she had to leave-- it was 6 am, pretty late, and i initiated the kissing after she was under my arm. Anyway, i used your text advice to get her out an official time (me and her) the first time after and it worked(giving her a days heads up)! We met up for a walk and made out, went back to her apartment, and made out in her bed until around 3 am! We had good conversation and i sensed we connected. Anyway i messaged her the day after the next (1 day in between) to meet up for a round 2 walk that night, sent the message at 3pm, i should have asked for the next day i then realized to prepare her. She messaged me 5 hours later at around 10 pm saying she "didn't see the text, sryy :/" Then i messaged her the next day in the afternoon saying "okay its cool". She messages me at around 6 pm saying "watcha up to" We talked for a bit via text, she messaged back quick. Messages me the next day afternoon after stopping convo in reply to convo. I message 5 hrs later, no response yet. Anyway, do you think i should i wait for her to invite me to an outing now or should initiate the meeting up again based on that i arranged first meeting and second she "didnt see" once she replies? Also, if so, when should i ask another meet up for when? Thanks so much.

Andrew's picture

When's the perfect opportunity?


Chase, appreciate the wise words man. Im already anxious to see all the positive feedback I receive! Took a few pointers from the topics you have listed. However, I find myself in a bind. I just met an attractive and interesting lady on a dating website last night. After a few messages in, I've already got her asking why I "sound to good to be true" followed by her number a couple messages later without even asking. My question now is, when do I text her, and how do I go abouts establishing rapport in such situation? I feel that I have her interested, obviously, (with such vague info given to her) but don't want to be too quick or take too long to respond. Any advice as to what would be best to keep this older lady of interest, wondering yet amused at the same time? Thanks in advance.

Anonymous's picture

Dont no what to say


I no this girl at least 2 years in school and we flirt around Sometimes in math. I didnt get her number on the last day cuz i wouldve missed bus. I found her cell but i dont no wat to do. Txt or call and what should i say to not startle her cuz it might be out of nowhere please help i would like 2 go out w/ her during the summer. THANKS

Anonymous's picture

Wow!!!


Even though I am jut a high school student I was finding it hard to text and talk to girls. I recently started texting this one girl who is waaaaaaay out of my league just to see how far your tips go... And might I say it is working wonders. I am closer to her than I ever have been with my previous gfs. I am going to ask her out tomorrow officially and I wanted to thank you for your tips. This is like gold!!! I usually go into long texting conversations with little to no help on my part. Now I hav this beautiful girl chasing me and all I do is send like 6 texts a day and she hangs on every word of it. I have one question though chase... How should I respond to girls when they are down, depressed, or just plain had a bad day?

Christian's picture

Age


Hey Chase, there was this girl and we hit it off at a concert and I got her number. We were texting, and get along great, but when she found out I was a few years younger than her she seemed to shut down somewhat. Is age that big of a factor? And I'm 18 going on 19 and she's 20 going on 21

Frustrated...'s picture

no response?


Hey Chase,

I met a girl last weekend at a music festival and she was the one who actually approached me stating that "I was the most beautiful person she had ever seen". We started making out and I got her number. I txted her that night and was getting immediate responses in hopes to meet up. It didn't quite work out that night, but we both agreed we would meet up this coming weekend. I txt her last night (Thursday) following your exact instructions and didn't get a response. Here is how it went :

"Hey Megan! how r u? hope ur fully recovered from last weekend by now... What r u up to this Saturday?"

Any idea what i did wrong?

Thanks

Anonymous's picture

getting her number


Quick question.. anyone can help.

So when you first talk to her in person, WHY do you get her number? What is the reason you are telling her? Are you straight, saying something like "give me your number so we can get dinner some time"?

Or is it just like, "You seem cool you should give me your number"

Jay's picture

So i just recently got this


So i just recently got this new job a few weeks back and in doing so i met this beautiful young lady. Right off the back we had somewhat of a connection... Flirting...Strong eye contact... the occasional exchange of smiles. Its even to the point where fellow co-workers have asked me about "us". Ive hung out several times with her and on countless occasions we've kissed and even have spooned for hours on end. However, in the texting department we slack. I often find my self thinking about her when shes not around and sending her texts every now and then to spark up conversation but a response is not always followed. She has moments in which we have long and fulfilling texting conversations but then dry spots but always... always... and i repeat ALWAYS when im on the brink of just letting this one get away and get back out there she'll hit me with a text as follows " Just heard the song we first kissed too! just thought of you >.<' " or a simple " hope your having a a good day hun". Whats a guy to do... Im going insane. Haha help a brotha out...

-Jay

Anonymous's picture

Chase! Give me some advice on this brother!


Hey Chase! Just recently found your site and started learning and I must say in a short time... big difference! I'll try to make this quick. Followed your advice about building rapport and getting her into my tire store. LOL Been texting with a girl for two days and asked her out. She was very open to it and the date went well, got her to open up easily with deep diving. She had a great time even paid for the date and made several comments about getting together again and gave me a few warm hugs before leaving. The next morning, Shot her a text saying... Good morning Lisa! I wanted to say thanks for lunch yesterday I enjoyed seeing you again. Hope your morning is off to as good of a start as mine! No answer. Several hours later I fired off another text saying, Hey Lisa! Been running around in this heat taking care of some errands. Can't wait for some cooler weather! LOL How'd your meeting go yesterday? I hope I didn't make you late! No answer. This is not the norm of her timing response. She has pretty much always responded within 30 minutes. My questions are, Does it sound like I handled my texting right? What do you think it means because she all of a sudden stopped responding? And what do you suggest I say and do next? I thought I would wait a day or two If I don't hear from her and try again. I don't want to chase her and I'm trying not to take it personal like you've suggested. Human nature to anaylize it and wonder what I did or didn't do right. I can't figure out what my next step should be. She seem like a great catch! Will you help me out? Thanks Chase.

Lex's picture

Thank you. Answered so many


Thank you. Answered so many of my questions. Definitely buying material.

Anonymous's picture

Girl says she's busy.. LAME EXCUSE FOR BLOWING ME OFF?


I've met this girl going out. We talked with each other like 30 minutes. We really had a fun and smooth conversation. I asked her number, after 15 minutes i texted her and sad have a nice evening to close it off. Because i was going to bed.

I texted the next day replying how much fun we had. She agreed. Then after like 5 lines of text. I asked her out. But she says; i can't go this weekend im going away. Oke, no problem.

What about next friday? Im really busy she says with school and my internship. But i may otherwise have a look next week.

Then i sad oh.. too bad. I would liked to challange you for playing some pool. I guess you dont like a challange? But she didn't respond afterwards. What should i do!? I have the feeling i didnt build enough trust en report in 30 minutes time. And this is just a lame excuse to blow me off.

Anonymous's picture

Texting


So what do I do when the girl keeps texting me back? just to have casual conversations. this seems to apply when I start the texts, what do i do if shes texting me

Billy Bob's picture

Typo and Suggestion


Chase,

Your site is the best, man. Just want to let you know there is a slightly confusing typo in the article:

"You’ll also notice we’re directly violating one of the capital rules of text message flirting I posted about a year ago. Well, for ordinary texting, that still holds true: texting in the initial message is a no-no."

Pretty sure that last sentence should read "texting a question in the initial message is a no-no." It becomes obvious shortly after, but still...slightly confusing.

Also, an article exclusively on online game would come quite in handy these days; I think a lot of guys would appreciate it. Facebook is huge and dating sites are more normal than ever.

I know this is way past your reply cut-off, but I hope you see it. Thanks for all the great stuff!

Billy Bob

Charles's picture

Girl I like


Hey Chase,

Just gotta say awesome site man. There is tons of great info here, and it is amazing man!! Anyways, I know a girl at school (I'm in High School) who I like, and I want to go out with her. We've been talking at school a lot, and asked me to text her over the weekend. So far, it seems that she likes me. Only problem is that she currently has a boyfriend. How exactly would you recommend I go about this? I like this girl and don't want to cause her to lose intrest in me before she ends the relationship with her current boyfriend, but I also don't want to be totally neutral, if that makes any sense.

Take care man!

-Charles

Anonymous's picture

seems to be going no where


hi chase met this girl on a night out we exchanged numbers and even got very romantic together anyway have txted her and she always seems to have somthing to do like have to work or going out with the girls should i leave this one alone ? she does reply to txts but i have to txt first and dont want to waste my time if she isnt intrested if she ignored me i would understand but she replys but always busy how can i get that second date ?would apreciate your help thanks

delhorno's picture

hey chase.. thanks for


hey chase..
thanks for sharing man. I got this girl no once, I really like this girl so I started texting with her . I dont actually know what to say to her with what to begin and what to ask her . So I just started without knowing the ABC of texting with a girl or how to flirt and so on. Really I was like a wierdo, the girl thought thay i was stupid or something i got real embarassed.. i asked my friend for suggestion to help me try and have a peaceful conversation , it was pointless it just keep on getting worse and making me look like a big fool. I was heart broken as i really like this girl for a year or so. In the text it was just full of question from me and just a single reply from her.. so i googled about texting a girl and i got ur page .I really like it telling me of all the wrong approach ive made and so on bt i have one question , shoud i try and text her again after making a big fool of myself

Anonymous's picture

Girls


Hey chase,

I just stumbled across your article and, just about to enter college, was wondering about a couple things. I texted a really chill girl last night and it ended wonderfully. I was just wondering when i should text her again; a day, two days, three days? Thanks

Anonymous's picture

What to look for in other people's texts


Hey chase,
I'm pretty sure this one girl likes me from the texts we've had. My friend also aha texts with this girl and is sharing them with me. What should I be looking for?

Anonymous's picture

Applied your methods and she went none responsive


I gave a girl my number and she instantly started texting. We were both high energy and interested in meeting up. She was very responsive every time I text but we could never nail down a time to meet. I was getting frustrated as at the same time she would never open up.

So tried to get her to open up and it backfired she thought I was being full and demanding, As I also called her on flaking which she didnt like because she said she was really serious about meeting but her job didnt allow for time as she was doing 10-15 hour days in work.

So then I let it go for a week over christmas and went complete no contact for a week, I texted her happy christmas and then happy new year a week after and both times she was as responsive as before. I then decided to get rid of the mistakes I made before as in that week I read all of your how to text materials. I took that on board and used it.

Yesterday I text her using the format you suggest and all of a sudden no reply at all which has never happened. Trust m this girl replied to everything even when I blew it trying to be sweet and confident to get her to open up she replied.

So now I text her using a another text you suggested I don't think its one that can be turned around especially not by me saying anything so if she is pressured or mad for some reason that I showed no interest for a week then its her choice to get back in touch. The text I sent is below:

"**, It seems you are really busy right now which is completely understandable, So I wont ask you while you have things on your mind, if you want to hang out or have coffee then contact me when your less busy and things are settled. No stress, hope to meet at some point.

Again no reply.

thoughts?

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