How to Not Be Shy | Girls Chase

How to Not Be Shy

You know the feeling – the one where you see a group of people laughing about a movie you love or getting excited about an overseas location that you know like the back of your hand.

But there you are, standing on the outskirts of the group. Maybe you have a drink in your hand. Maybe you have your hands in your pockets. Maybe you have you arms crossed. Whatever the case may be, you feel intimidated, uneasy, and possibly even scared about the situation at hand.

how to not be shy

You want to be a part of the fun. You know you have something to offer. But the prospect of approaching new people – or worse, approaching that beautiful girl across the room – is much too daunting for your brain to grasp. So you sit there. Doing nothing. Feeling awkward. And then you go home, not making a splash – not even making a ripple.

And you wonder to yourself: “Will things always be like this? Will I ever overcome my shyness and actually connect with people?”

Well, if you’ve been wondering about how to not be shy, wonder no more. I’ve put together a complete primer on how to overcome shyness.

Colt WilliamsAbout the Author: Colt Williams

Raised in the American Midwest, Colt Williams made a name for himself in dating with a style based on soulful poetic seductions and playful dance floor antics. His style is all about inspiring girls and drawing them into one’s world. You can book phone coaching with him here, or get a copy of his guide to getting laid on Tinder, the product of months of study and experimentation by him on the medium.

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Comments

kosinekokma's picture

Yo, Colt!
That's EXACTLY what I needed, man!!!!!
Well, yesterday I thought about overcoming
my shyness but just didn't know how, and
today I read this excellent articles of yours!
Brilliant!!!!
I want to get close to the popular guys so we can become
friends . I know I need to be valuable so what would
you advise me to do to become a value generator?

David Riley's picture

Hey Kokma,

Check out the following articles.

Social Value
Be Cool
Guy Talk

Hope that helps,

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

When I first started out learning to overcome my shyness, I found it hard to become friends with thoes who had the idealized personality I wish to become. This happens because we tend to attract people of similar backgrounds and temperament. And even if I did find people that had the personality and lifestyle I aspired to, their energy levels, their mentalities, and their beliefs were so different than mine that I still had a hard time seeing how I can ever become friends with the people that I had aspired to become.

So, what I did was join clubs and started working on my basic social skills. I made an effort to say hi to every member in the club. Soon, I was making friends (weak friends with few strong bonds). Overtime, I became a member of that club, ran the newsletters, became an ad hoc leader and go-to guy for the club, and was welcoming new members as they joined our club activities. In short, I was putting myself out there, talking to people, learning to be more sociable.

The changes occur incrementally. The friends that I had wanted to hang out with because I wanted to become that type of person hadn't occur initially. Overtime, I started to become the social, outgoing guy and was in fact attracting the people that I had wanted to associate with from the get-go.

So, what I'm saying to all those guys just starting out, trying to overcome your shyness is this. Like anything else, change is uncomfortable and hard, especially when we are the ones that have to do the changing. Second, it's a long, arduous road, and you will feel like surrendering many times along the way. Start off small, with manageable goals. In my case, I joined clubs (and volunteer organizations), slowly improving my social skills. Keep the path. Perservere. You will eventually make it. There will be times (I do that even now) when you feel like retreating back into your shell, to go back to your old ways. Be conscious of when this happens and ask yourself if you are retreating because you are going back to your old ways, or if you or simply an introvert and want to recharge your batteries. More often than not, it's the latter reason why I feel much more like sitting at home reading and writing than attend a party for the evening.

David Riley's picture

Hey Anon,

I'm glad to hear that you were able to turn your shyness around and overcome it. I'm also to hear your success, I'm hope guys reading this will learn from your example. Anyway I wish you more success in the future.

Take care,

Just Dave

Troy's picture

I enjoyed this article and I hope I'll actually not just enjoy it but also act on the advice to improve myself.

One thing though, the talk is to always surround ourselves with positive people but how do we not be a social burden or how do we provide value?

If someone is not there yet in social prowess then wouldn't it make socially calibrated people want to get away from them.

I'm just curious to know how to not be a social burden to people when learning?

Great Article though. I've been using the baby steps advice long before I read this and it has been working (very slowly), so I stamp this article PROVEN based on my own experience.

Thanks

Troy

BeenThere's picture

Hey, Troy,

Well I hate to break it to you, but from my experience I found out that the truth is - no one that much cares about your shyness. It is quite irritating in the beginning and less and less as you get more and more successes in that thing. But reading articles won't change that much. You just have to find inner strength to finally get angry enough that you're hiding under anxiety shield. This way you are making girls, you could have awesome experiences with, be responsible for your life, cause you can brush main desicions off with your internal excuse 'well, I feel fear so it is not me'. You have to find your balls and get fully annoyed yourself with that shit. But don't get me wrong. I tried smashing head into wall or breaking stuff around me as a tool to express my anger about myself - it didn't help at all.
What really helps is resolution to stop hiding true from myself. I let myself know that I was dumb not to ask her number, not to care what she really feels (but still deep-dive)...

You just need to understand how wrong you're when hiding under fear shield and then things start changing. You throw porn out, you stop saying "I will learn something some day". You just acting like your life really matters, cause one day you will find yourself with nothing and this day it will be too late. Maybe not too late but who has better time picking up 20 years old cute girl, guy who is 20, or who is 40? Year after year goes really fast.

You're free and you can do nothing and still land good enough girls, but you can meet your fear and laugh at it 'haha, I was dumb and had it to stop me, but now I will just talk with her and I am really interested how positively I can affect our (my and her) lives'.

I don't like saying it, but for me it was shyness when I didn't care that much. When I finally understood how I am making fun out of my life and making it not a life for me but a scene for others (who still don't care, cause they are too deep in their thoughts)... I got so mad that I changed most things completely. I stopped for a week. I journalised all my activities, people I have in life and decided to make a change. To throw some activities away, to get better ones and not to talk too much with some people for validation, but get more in touch with those who truly are valuable... And then it all changes. And one day dude you will see, that most of the time shyness itself didn't destroy you things, and confidence itself didn't create attraction in her.

Take some sheet of paper write 2-3 things to do in outing and do it. Shyness comes mostly from being too much in your head. You better move out of your head - try to see how beautiful city, nature, girls are, how much people needed to do to create those wonderful structures around you, just anything that lets you stop thinking about yourself. And just know, that you being sweet with yourself, or angry with yourself don't change things. Planning, taking action and failing, then learning - does.

How much comfortable you feel isn't a main factor that can be used to measure your levels of possible success, sometimes it all gets tricky, cause this is the life and it always keeps things interesting.

Let your soul live, stop hiding under shield fear.

Best wishes,
BeenThere

Anonymous's picture

Oh... I will add up to this.
Just stop making your life a performance for somebody who doesn't even care. Honestly no one cares that much, your spotlight on yourself is too huge, and don't regret about past or anything, better learn from it, bitterness leads nowhere... just stop playing that stupid game of 'what if they will laugh' you know the answer, you will go home and fix things if they will laugh, or change social circles if that becomes so necessary, but it is rare case that you could need it.
Just stop making shit out of your own only life, and you will be fine. Maybe you will have to play jester role for some time, but later time and effort will give you benefits that others will look at and be jealous of, no matter how able to get the same or better results they are themselves. Days, body and life are given to you, whether you waste them or succeed it is completely in your hands.

Stop searching for external validation all the time. You don't have to take it personally, everywhere what matters is your behavior and position in given situation, not your inner treasure or your good heart. And once you understand that happiness comes from within, that desicions when to be happy comes from within you see everyone as people, not as enemies or friends, just people like you and stop thinking that you are better or they are better, then you just live. And then shyness is gone.

I appreciate how guys here write stuff, but in fact they are all saying one thing - go and get your little hands dirty and you have to do it yourself, and aim for results, not for validation. If you don't learn to feel joy from within - no girls, no money and no things will bring it to you. Reveal yourself your ability to succeed.

Anonymous's picture

Could you give me a bit more detail on how to push sexuality towards a woman. I feel that you could give some more advice or tips on how to push sexually.

David Riley's picture

Hey Anon,

Check out this article on sexual framing.

Sexual Framing
Physical Escalation

Hope that helps,

Just Dave

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