How to Kiss Her

Here's something that can vex a man more than anything: how to get that first kiss? When does he go for that first kiss? What's the right move, the right time, the right moment? It can be a big deal, and a big worry, for even relatively experienced guys.

Before we take a look at some of the (many) right times and places to go for that first kiss, let's explore the WRONG times and places for it.

The number one WORST time to go for a first kiss (the one you never want to do):

  • The end-of-the-date kiss. Why's it wrong? Because it's often rushed into the end of the date -- a man's been wanting to kiss his date all night long, and maybe she's been wanting to kiss him too, and now he's going to awkwardly shove it into the very end of the date, just as he's leaving. But kissing -- real kissing; passionate kissing -- is something that's supposed to lead to something more -- not something that's supposed to be a bookend on a date. There's one more reason the end-of-the-date kiss is bad, too: it's clichéd. And clichés are boring.

Here's another first-kiss no-no:

  • The lean-in-from-far-away kiss. Why is this one wrong? Because it seems awkward and premeditated. Anything that takes a lot of work to do tends to feel overly thought out. And women, even more than men, want to feel like everything is natural and spontaneous: first kisses aren't supposed to be planned and executed, in a woman's mind -- they're supposed to just happen.

And one more no-no:

  • In front of her friends. I don't know a whole lot of guys who do this, but it happens sometimes. What's bad about it? The guy who does this suddenly places a big social burden on her: all of her friends now know that the two of them are "together." Now every time they see her they're going to ask what's going on with the two of them, how it's going with her new guy, how long they've been together, etc. And guess what? That puts him instantly into boyfriend territory -- not where he wants to start out, whether he wants to be her boyfriend or not. The reason why is she's going to automatically start playing harder to get, start giving him more resistance to sex, and make him work harder for everything that would've come easier before. Kissing her in front of her friends puts a lot of pressure on her, and she'll turn around and put it right back on him.

Ok, that said, let's get onto the fun part. Here are the DOs of first kisses (and there are a lot of them)!

  • DO make your first kiss spontaneous. If the two of you are doing something fun and active and laughing and having a great time, grab her arm and pull her close for a quick peck on the lips. Then pull back and gaze into her eyes. You can either go in for a deeper second kiss, or go back to what you were doing before, now with a more sensuous vibe between the two of you.

  • DO make your first kiss thoughtful. The opposite of the spontaneous route, if the two of you are sitting close together and deep in conversation, let the conversation die naturally, while continuing to stare into her eyes. Place your finger under her chin and draw her in for a deep first kiss. Note that you want to already be sitting close enough that you only have to lean in a little bit to pull this one off -- no big gaps to close!

  • DO be the first to pull back. Pulling back from the first kiss (and subsequent kisses) leaves you in the position of power -- and leaves her wanting more.

  • DO tell her what you like. After that first kiss, make her feel good -- tell her her lips are soft, or she's a good kisser, or you like her mouth. Not only will you make her feel warm and fuzzy inside, but you'll cement the memory in her mind -- when she looks back later on that first kiss, she'll remember what you said and the memory will be stronger and better.

  • DO spend more time with her. Contrary to the end-of-the-date kisser, when you're out with a girl you like and share your first kiss -- keep spending time with her! Kiss her more, touch her more, get close to her and enjoy the time you're spending together.

  • DO make sure to be a little unpredictable with your kisses. A lot of men kiss women by going straight for the tongue kissing, but it's so much more electrifying for her if you tease her first and slowly build up to it -- and then, once you reach the point where your tongues have met, you return to other kinds of kissing and continue to swith things up.

  • DO kiss her places besides just square on the lips. Kissing her neck, ear lobes, and corners of her mouth are all VERY sexy. And when things start getting hot and heavy, you can start kissing other places on her body...

  • DO remember that kissing is a lot closer to sleeping with someone than most people think. DO also keep in mind that some girls consider it even more intimate -- and in fact a rare few will even refuse kissing before sleeping with you.

  • DO kiss her somewhere private and intimate, if at all possible. You'll be free of interruptions, and free to take things as far as the two of you want to go.

  • DO smile after your first kiss, and close your eyes during it. Show her you're immersed in the experience -- and immersed in her.

And of course, one more do for you -- DO have fun!


UPDATE: make sure to check out "How to Kiss a Girl Like No One's Ever Kissed Her Before" for an even deeper, more nuanced look at becoming a truly phenomenal kisser.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.


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Anonymous's picture

Great post, very glad i found this one, but the location seems to always elude me. WHat if you're at a coffee shop? I dont think there's much intimacy there, do you get in your car / their car? Over the two front seats? How should that work, it seems to be a big gap closer. I guess you could ask her to a different location, but what if that location is somewhat far away and you have to drive like 8-10 minutes. So that by the time you get to an exclusive place, the hype has died down.

Chase Amante's picture

Hi Anon,

One of the big, big rules I have with kissing is that I don't ever do it unless I'm alone with a girl somewhere we can get together.

Kissing actually becomes a big PROBLEM a lot of the time if you do it first, then go back to normal stuff, then try to get a girl home alone with you. That's when she starts thinking, "Oh, well, we were kissing, so I guess that means we go back to his place and have sex... but am I ready for sex with him? Do I want sex with him? I don't know... it's better if I just say 'no.'"

When you wait to kiss a girl instead, she heads back to your place both excited and curious -- what's going to happen? Do you like her as much as she likes you? She doesn't have anywhere near as much resistance or concern as the girl you've kissed does.

For that reason, I'd recommend only kissing a girl unless you're in the place you intend to sleep with her -- e.g., on your couch, in your bed, in the back seat of your car if you're somewhere dark and secluded, etc.

I gave a pal of mine a piece of advice that upped his results quite a bit: every time you're out with a girl somewhere and you start feeling like she wants to kiss you, ask her home instead, and kiss her when the two of you are inside and alone and can get together. You'll get a lot more success with women that way.


Radu's picture

"For that reason, I'd recommend only kissing a girl unless you're in the place you intend to sleep with her -- e.g., on your couch, in your bed, in the back seat of your car if you're somewhere dark and secluded, etc."

What if you set up a date at your apt, where she/you/both cook dinner? Do you wait for the eating to be over then chill out and go for the kiss? Or you can go for it while cooking if you two happen to stay close enough? And then you can do it again, hopefully followed by sex?

Also, you talked about informative dates when dealing with conservative girls. I assume you don't go for the kiss during those ones; you just talk, flirt and touch her, right?

Chase Amante's picture

Hey Radu-

I used to be of the mind that it was fine to wait until after dinner. What'd happen with me personally back then though, a few years ago, was that by the time dinner had ended, I'd have turned it over so much in my head that I started getting gunshy. So I made it a point to start kissing girls ASAP, before dinner, if possible. Sleep with them before dinner sometimes, too, although it can also be fun to kiss them before dinner and touch them a lot and get them very excited, and then calmly have dinner, only to attack them passionately afterward.

On the informative date, yeah... generally you'll just flirt on those. The sole exception is if things end up going really well and you pull her to a seduction location -- in that case, go for it!


Fibbie's picture

Hey Chase,

How are you? Should you kiss a girl that has a boyfriend even if she barely sees him and sees you more and she's one of those girls that does things with you instead of her boyfriend and touches me a lot?


Steve's picture

Love the article.

I do think though that guys need to realise that rejection isn't really rejection. A girl can say one thing and the next minute be all over you!

Thanks for spreading the word!


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