Talking vs. Texting & Related Tips

by Chase Amante
Sunday, 27 September 2009

Update: check out "Text Message Flirting" for a run down on the basics of text messaging, and "How to Text a Girl" for the most comprehensive how-to out there on text messaging women to build rapport and get them on dates.

Text messaging and talking over the phone are two different means of communication, and each have distinct advantages and drawbacks. Let's take a look here at what those are.

talking vs. texting

Texting has the advantages of allowing you time to construct a reply, allowing you the ability to leave a message that a girl can reply to more easily than voice, and allowing you to communicate on the fly when a phone conversation might otherwise be cumbersome or impractical.

Speaking on the phone offers the advantages of allowing her to hear your voice -- a powerful advantage in your favor if you've gotten your tonality down -- and allowing you to communicate a lot more information in a far shorter amount of time than you can in a text. Communicating via voice is also a lot more personal and intimate than texting, and allows for a far broader range of emotions to be expressed.

Generally speaking, it's best to use texting in the beginning, after you've just met a girl, to escalate compliance with her. A girl replying to your text with a text of her own is a lot easier for her than her answering that first phone call from you (she could easily be nervous), or calling you back after you've called. Yet, once she's exchanged a text or two with you, you've already establised communication over the phone and that first phone call from you will feel a lot more comfortable than had it come without being preceded by texting.

It's always great practice to text her a few hours after meeting her. "Great to make a new friend :) -chase" is all you need. Using friend takes the pressure off her. The smiley makes the text seem friendly, and putting your name on there makes it easy for her just in case she's forgotten your name or didn't save your number. If a girl can't remember your name, sometimes she just won't answer, even if she liked you. It's just too embarrassing to ask you for it again. Sign your name and that problem disappears.

After that though, cut back on the cutesy stuff. Use smiles and exclamation marks sparingly; they're great for conveying energy, but they tend to convey a very friendly, platonic energy -- whereas what YOU want is for her to view you in a sexual, romantic way. Romantic guys don't use a lot of =) Focus instead on structuring your texts to be engaging without smileys or exclamation points. It's a little tougher to do, but learning to do so is a skill worth learning. And after a few texts from you, a girl will know how to interpret your texts without smileys.

When calling her for the first time, if she doesn't answer and you go to voicemail, follow this rule: if you're good at talking on the phone and you have a good voice that women respond to well, leave a voicemail. She'll hear it and swoon, or at the very least be reassured by your voice that you're a normal / sexy guy (voice makes a HUGE difference when a girl is trying to figure out how much she likes you / trusts you. If your tonality needs work -- work on it). Alternatively, if your voice and phone game is still a work in process, rather than leaving a voicemail, leave her a text. It's easy for her to respond to and less work to listen to and respond to than a VM. So you might text:

"Hey liz, hope you had a kickass weekend. Just had the most amazing canoli at this little italian joint... mmm. Ttys, chase"

One other general rule for texting: avoid question marks wherever possible. If a guy asks a question and doesn't get a response, he's just lost compliance, and faces more work in the future trying to get what he wants from a girl. It's a good habit to get into of waiting to ask a question until you've already hsd at least one response back from her, preferably with her asking a question.

Related to that, here's a fun / diabolical texting trick: you can ask a girl a question via text, and when she asks you the same question back, go dark. So:

You: [opening text]
Her: OMG, me too. I had the most amazing weekend.
You: No way. What'd you do all weekend
Her: I went to the beach yesterday, then today I went to see a movie. What'd you do?
You: [no response / no text back]

What does this do? It generates tons of intrigue. She'll be waiting for your response, then she'll get frustrated that you didn't respond, and the whole time she'll be thinking about you non-stop. What's that do? It makes her want you more.

A few phone tips:

Always use the phone for asking girls out. It's far more personal, and women tend to respect men who ask them out over the phone far more than they do men who ask them out via text. If you have a lot of numbers you otherwise never plan on calling, go ahead and give them a shot at the text-date, but generally speaking, going for meets via text is far less effective than going for meets when calling.
Build rapport some calls, ask out on others. If you ask a girl out every time you talk to her, she'll beging to expect it every time. This can be useful with very stubborn girls -- keep asking her out, and eventually maybe she'll say yes -- but for the rest, it's generally more prudent to call once and just talk and get her comfortable and interested in you, and call back again a few days later to set up the meet.
Use your bedroom voice. You know, the one you talk to a girl with as she's going down on you or you're rocking her from behind. That voice + telephone conversation = a very good chance of her getting at least a little wet while she's talking to you. She won't know why, but she'll want to meet up with you a lot sooner than she would otherwise.

Regards,
Chase Amante

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