How to Have Safe Sex with Women You've Just Met


safe sexIn this article, I will share some advice on how to have literally safe sex. “Safe sex” does not only mean knowing how to avoid STDs (sexually transmitted diseases) or unwanted pregnancies – there are also many more risks out there to be aware of.

Now, I hope I will not scare you away from seducing women – that is not my purpose. In most cases, casual sex does not lead to any dramatic consequences, but, very rarely, they do happen. In this post I will share some advice that will reduce the risk of any negative consequences from having casual sex.

Again, most of the time, you will be fine. Serious consequences from having casual sex occur rarely, yet they do happen, and if you have forgotten to read this post, you may regret it later. Fact is, this post might not be the most exciting to read, but it will cover some simple tools that allow you to have a lot of fun without worrying.


The Risks

There are different risks you take when having casual sex. Today, I will cover the different risks and give you different ways to avoid them (if not totally, at least reduce the risks drastically).

The risks are:

  1. STDs
  2. Other diseases
  3. Unwanted pregnancies
  4. Women going psychotic over you
  5. Rape accusations


STDs

STDs can often scare people away from sex, but 90% of the time they can be cured. The STD you are most likely to catch is chlamydia or mycoplasmas (very similar to chlamydia). Both these STDs can in the long run make you sterile, so even though they are both easily curable with antibiotics, they should be taken seriously. What makes these STDs dangerous is that they often leave no symptoms.

Other STDs that are less common are gonorrhea and syphilis. These STDs are more dangerous as they can literally kill you. The good thing however about these STDs are that they leave symptoms. Genital warts (HPV) also leave symptoms.

And finally you have the two big scares: HIV and hepatitis B. It should be noted that these diseases are not curable. However, they are not categorized as deadly anymore, but instead as chronic (at least in the Western world). Either way, you are better off not to catch them.

Condoms protect you from all these diseases. Now, many men avoid using condoms on girls who seem like “innocent Madonna’s”, not looking shady. But fact is, often upper-class women who are stylish and looking innocent are more likely to have an STD such as chlamydia than a prostitute who tests themselves very often. Any girls who has casual sex risks getting an STD. So don’t let any Madonna/whore complex stand in your way, as “innocent” girls can have STDs too.

It is very good idea to test yourself for STDs four times a year. I do so myself. This way I know I cannot what so ever become sterile as a result from for example chlamydia. This allows me to sleep in peace every night without having to worry about such things. All you need to do is take a urine test. If you by any chance have any serious symptoms (like gonorrhea), you should get checked by a doctor.

Now, keep in mind that condoms do protect you against HIV and hepatitis B, but also keep in mind that these diseases are conveyed much more easily through anal sex. As we know, the anal opening does not naturally lubricate, so you risk having your condom breaking. Therefore, I highly recommend you always use a good lubricant when penetrating the “forbidden” hole. I recommend Astroglide (you can find it on Ebay). Do not use oils as lubricants, as they destroy condoms.

Also, I highly recommend taking a blood test twice a year to check yourself for HIV and hepatitis B. Keep in mind that in order to test positive for HIV, you need to wait two month for the virus to incubate. That waiting time, if you feel that you are at risk, can literally kill you – so better to just be on the safe side and protect yourself in the first place.

However, a disease you really should be concerned about is herpes. Using a condom reduces the risks of transmission, but you are still at risk. If you want to reduce the risks of getting herpes (no matter what type) do as followed: when you are about to go down on a girl, spread your fingers through her genital lips, opening them up. Not only does this stimulate her vagina and prepares her for some good oral sex, but it allows you to have a good look at her vagina. If you see anything shady, you can always back off. Remember: try to have a look into a vaginal opening, as herpes can often occur around this area.

There are probably tons of other STDs, but these are the most common ones. Following my advice will make your life better and remove a lot your worries. You can also check out Chase’s article “How to Avoid STDs Even If You Have Lots of Sex” for even more on STDs.


Other Diseases

safe sexI will now quickly talk about diseases that not are sexually transmitted: oral herpes, influenza, and throat infections, with herpes being our biggest concern.

Think about how exposed you are to getting herpes when you are hanging out in clubs having tons of make-outs (that most likely lead nowhere)? Fact is, that is probably how I caught oral herpes (cold sores) in the first place. But keep in mind, the fact that you drink alcohol makes you even more vulnerable to these diseases.

A make-out, according to my experience, only leads to sex 10% of the time (maybe even less). So you might ask yourself, “Do I always need to make out with tons of girls?”

Unless these criteria are fulfilled, I would not make out with a girl:

  • Her logistics are decent

  • Her level of interest is high

  • She is not too shy and lets you escalate on her (either physically or verbally with the use of sex talk)

  • She escalates in return (she touches you back or responds positively to your sex talk)

  • Your intuitions says that having sex with this girl as an outcome is a huge possibility

If these criteria hold, you can go ahead and take the risk; it will be worth it. It is still wise however to have a close look at her lips. If you see anything shady, back off; in that case, it is really not worth it!

If you are a beginner, you can allow yourself to get ill a few times in order to get some experience… but still watch out for herpes.


Unwanted Pregnancies

Not using a condom can put you at risk. Most of the time, unwanted pregnancies occur when women lie about being on the pill. This happens pretty often. There are two reasons for this:

  1. The first one is a result of the female actually wanting a child and fooling a man to give away his semen (psychotic).

  2. The second reason is because the female is too aroused to think logically and wants to feel you right now, without having anything between you.

The bottom line is… use a condom unless you truly know the girl. And still, even though you know the girl, you are still at risk.

Sometimes in relationships women impregnate themselves in order to keep you as their boyfriend. This happens a lot when she fears that you might leave her. In order to be safe, avoid cumming inside of her – cum somewhere else. But if you do cum inside of her, make sure you have seen her taking the morning after pill that same day and the day after, and you should be fine.

And no, telling your girl that you will be forever hers might reduce the risks of her getting pregnant, but it kills the relationships, because you will simply come across as needy.

Also, if your girlfriend keeps talking about children related topics, be on your watch.


Women Going Psychotic Over You

This tends to happen when a girl likes you but you are not hers yet. Worse, it happens even more often when a girl likes you and you don’t like her back. For example, if you had a one-night stand with a girl, you meet up with her a few times as friends with benefits, but she expects more. This can result in her making your life a living hell.

She will start making a lot of serious drama. To mention a few cases: “fake dangers” (she is in danger and you need to save her), “fake pregnancies” (she claims she is pregnant but she is not), and having stuff “you need to help her with”.

A good way to avoid this is to make things very clear to her. If you just want her as a friend with benefits, make that really clear. You might risk losing her, but that is okay. It is better than facing a lot of drama, and, at the end of the day, losing her anyway.

I also do not recommend having girls who are into you emotionally as friends with benefits. Friends with benefits are people who are simply friends… who have sex. Nothing more. Anything else will disrupt that that type of relationship.

If a girl starts making a lot of drama without even being your girlfriend, you should cut all contact with her. I mean it. She will just make your life a living hell.

safe sex

You can see Ricardus’s article “Dodging the Dangers of Sex (and Dating)” for more on psychotic women and other related situations.


Rape Accusations

We will first start off by talking about “false rape accusations”. This phenomenon has sadly become more common these last years due to the rape hysteria that lives within our society.

Yet there are ways to avoid becoming the victim of a “false rape accusation”. First off, it would be helpful to analyze one of its common causes.

Women often false rape accuse whenever their social reputation is at risk from having casual sex with a stranger.

For example, if she has a boyfriend and he finds out you had sex with his girlfriend, you risk getting accused falsely of rape. Women may accuse you of rape in order to prevent receiving any social sanctions (like losing her boyfriend). That is one of the reasons I don’t consciously go for girls with boyfriends.

Secondly, if a girl is very conservative or shows any signs of heavy anti-slut defense (i.e., she cares a lot about not being perceived as a slut) you should be on your guard. Avoiding prudish girls who care too much about not being perceived as a slut might be a good idea if you are just looking for casual sex.

But her friends also play a role. Now you can’t always know who her friends are, but if you by any chances get to know her friends and you see that they are very restrictive, beware.

A simple tool to avoid fake rape accusations altogether is to have low-key sex: nobody knows anything about your dirty little secret – i.e., nobody knows you really had sex. This means that you need to keep your mouth shut about who you are having sex with.

False rape accusations can also be used as a tool for vengeance. Most of the time when women take this into use, it is for punishing men for “using them” sexually. In other words, just having sex with them and throwing them out. Don’t do that.

  • Have sex with her, and then friendly chat with her.

  • Keep the vibe friendly after you’ve had sex.

  • Eat together or play some Xbox together before you leave each other after a one-night stand.

  • Take all reasonable steps you can to prevent sex regret and you will be fine.

For all you know, you might have just met an amazing girl. I am not saying that you need to be a white knight or anything, just be friendly after you’ve had sex.

Let us now talk about actual rapes. Sometimes a man can actually rape a girl without knowing it. For example, if the girl is too drunk to really consent, the man she had sex with is per definition a rapist. Rule of thumb: avoid totally smashed girls. Secondly, avoid being too drunk yourself. You are less in control when you are drunk and you might not have the limits you would usually have. You might persist so much on getting to have sex with her that you might end up raping her, without it being your intention.

Also, a good way to avoid raping a girl is, whenever you face any kind of resistance from her, to only persist with your escalation three times. If she still resists after your third attempt, back off totally and only have sex with her if she suddenly starts making a move.

Obviously if you get a very clear “NO” from her, then you should back off ASAP.

Be sober and in control. If you are in doubt, better be safe and back off. It is worth it.


To Sum Up

Here we covered numerous issues that could occur when seducing women. The first one we covered was STDs, where the use of condoms was obviously the weapon of choice against them. But we pointed out that herpes (no matter the type), even though condoms reduce the risks of transmission, could be transmitted nevertheless. You best tool in such a case is your eyes.

Further, it is also recommended to keep an eye on women’s lips before making out. Random club make-outs are the easiest way to catch herpes on your lips. Further, avoid having unnecessary make-outs if you’d like to avoid catching throat infections and influenza.

But pregnancy can also be an issue. For this, use a condom – do not take for granted that the woman you are having sex with is on the pill – she might just be lying about it.

Women can also cause a lot of drama and make your life a living hell with things like acting as though they’re constantly in danger and faking pregnancies. The cause to this is pretty simple – the woman is CRAZY over you, but not necessarily in a good way. Such women are better off out of your life, so cut them out. It also helps making it clear that you are not looking for a relationship with them. Making a woman doubt such a thing can work to create attraction, but in this case, making her more attracted is simply counterproductive.

We also discussed rape accusation. Women accuse falsely as a tool of revenge – so treat her like a human being, i.e., don’t just screw her and throw her out. I am not here saying that you need to be white knight – giving her gifts and licking her arse or anything – just be friendly.

Finally, we pointed out that you better watch out for not being a rapist yourself. Sometimes, you might have the best of intentions – you just want to give her a good time – but sadly, your actions do not match. It is hard to tell whether or not the sex is always fully consensual, but give it three attempts (or less if her resistance is of a serious character) before letting her go.

My best advice for you is to always be on the watch and stay sober. That in itself will help you enjoy safe and consensual casual sex.

I hope I didn’t scare you. I haven’t ended up in trouble since I started out in 2007 and I have been with quite a few women since then, and so far, the worst thing that has happened to me is catching chlamydia once.

I hope this was useful.

Good journey,

-Alek

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Comments

Cody Lyans's picture

Nice one Alek Just had to say


Nice one Alek
Just had to say

Alek Rolstad's picture

Thanks

Author

Glad you liked it!

Atra's picture

Being confident vs rape


Hey, Alek and girlschase team!
I don't know if you have many female fans, bur I'm one of them for sure!
I second what you say about rape and staying relatively sober and backing off after three attempts are very sound and wise advices.
However, I'm wondering if you have some thoughts about the following related subject: while it's extremely important to understand and respect boundaries, in my experience many men are *too* aware of this, which makes them to careful and inhibited towards women, and that's not a good thing either. Perhaps this could be the subject of a future blog post?

Alek Rolstad's picture

Atra

Author

Hi there. I really hope we have some female fans.

Either way, I am glad that you as a female enjoy reading our blog. This is much appreciated.

Onto your question:

I agree with you, a lot of men are being too careful - including myself some times to time. On the other hand, try to understand our situation: "if we do something wrong we get jailed". Not every females are good at saying "no", so for us men it is very hard to tell wether she is up for it or not. A women regretting having sex with a male is per definition a rape.

We men enjoy having sex, and we crave it, but we are still being careful. The rape hysteria that takes place in the western world scares men away (including myself) from making a move.

In a perfect world, men would be totally dominant (in the sexy way) and lead the female to bed. But in a perfect world, the female will also do a good job at giving the right signals.

Fact is... it is not only men's job to move things forward. Yes in the mating game men are programmed to lead thing forward and make a move and women submit if they want to.

But womens task is to give signals. I am not saying that giving mixed signals is a bad thing, it surely is a good tool of attraction. But once the male is attracted to you (and you are attracted to him), make sure you give him a good signal - make it easier for him to isolate, escalate and penetrate.

I am not a female, and I surely don't know much about picking up men. But what I do know from being with very attractive homosexuals is that being hard to get and giving mixed signals is the tool of attraction - and like everything else, do not overdo it. Once the male is attracted, you need to communicate non-verbally what you want to happen. If you want to have sex with him, don't make it hard for him. Don't resist too much. Believe it or not, when I get 0 resistance and I feel that this woman really appreciate my presence, I feel confident to be very dominate and crazy. If a women start showing some resistance I automatically start being more careful.

Men are as scared of being accused of being a rapist as women are of going home with men that might be psychos. The world is sadely not perfect.

PS: I just sent in an article for editing that might be as useful for men as for women. It will be about preparations before going out clubbing - how to look best, how to feel the best way you can and so on.

Thanks for your comment.
-Alek

Atra's picture

Hey Alek! Thank you for Your


Hey Alek!
Thank you for Your reply! I think you're right, men are scared of being accused for rape. Being dominant demands being good at picking up social cues and interpeting signals, which isn't always easy either.
Perhaps you could do a blog post some time about what the woman of Your dreams would do? If you have a female readership. that would be helpful to guys too!

Troy's picture

High School Rape Accusations


Alek,

Nice article. Before reading this I thought it would be a review of those other article links you mentioned but you still had quite a few more tricks up.your sleeve.

One thing I would like to add is that on the rape part, for younger guys like myself ( I'm 18 ) to avoid rape, watch your age and the girls you having sex with. In many countries, if the girl is under 16, and the man is just 16 to 18 and so on, then it's more likely that a girl will accuse you of rape and send you to jail.

I'm a athlete at my school and I have seen two other high school guys go to prison and for having sex with two 14 year old girls. The trouble ain't worth it.

I have a few more things to say but I'll post that on the forum and you can read it there when I do.

Anyway, I enjoyed this article so keep writing Alek.

Troy

Alek Rolstad's picture

Troy

Author

Well I like going deeper on articles that are populare, but i don't feel guilty of recycling articles.

When it comes to your question, I can sadly not give you any answers, as in my country things are not so strict. This problem hasn't occured to me when I was younger - and I started out with hte art of seduction at the age of 15.

What I suggest to you is tht you post on the forums, where you will find someone who has dealt with your situation. I might also just ask just_dave to give you an answer (if he has one)

What I do recommend is to try to pick up older women. Believe it or not, it is not that much harder! Usually every barriers are in your head (and I will admit, it can be scary) but when i was 18 I usually ended up with women in the beginning of their 20's (and once when I was 17 i had sex with a 44 y old woman - a little gross, but fun to try out).

Honestly, just do your thing, don't be ashamed of your age, and don't lie about it. You will get tested for your age, but learn how to handle it. For example tell her that "you are young and full energy" or "that you are the only one here that can make her feel younger".

I will check out your forum posts when I have time, but believe it or not, writing up articles actually takes some times (4 hours if your wondered). But that's not a problem for me as I enjoy doing so.

Glad you liked the article.

-Alek

David Riley's picture

Send me The Link


Hey Troy,

If you can specifically send me the link to your forum post, I will be more than happy to take a look at it for you.

Side note: One thing I always mention to guys once they turn 18 in the states, stop having sex with younger girls. I don't care how "cool" you guys seem or how close you are. Until she is 18, do not touch her. I remember my senior year of high school there was a 15 year old who just transferred schools and she had Double D's. She was into too, but I refused to touch her. I had so much to lose and was about a couple weeks from graduating. Basically what I am saying, is you have so many more options in women once you turn 18 yourself.

Like Alek mentioned sleeping with girls older than you is not that hard to be honest. I've slept with 22 year olds before my 19th birthday because of my fundamentals. Just because a girl is older does not mean is harder to get, and just because a girl is younger doesn't make her any easier to get. Remember to always be considerate of your future. No matter how "cool" things seem, I've seen way too many of my friends be taken to jail because the guy lost interest.

Stay focused,

Just Dave

Oswald Haynes's picture

Great Review


I've been wanting to send you guys an email to talk about this subject turns out Chase has one out already but Im glad you have this article out to inform us of the dangers. I did hesitated to send the email cause I thought it would scare most guys from seducing women.

Alek Rolstad's picture

Hah, Glad you enjoyed it. I

Author

Hah, Glad you enjoyed it.

I agree, I also feared that it would scare away guys from guys from picking up women. But again, I have been into the art of seduction since 2007 and nothing dramatic has happened to me, nor anyone of the other veterans that i know in person. Just be on your watch, stay sober and take some precautions and you will be fine.

-Alek

Anonymous's picture

I have been there!!!!


Alek,
Fantastic post .Especially i totally agree with the psychotic girl part. I have been there once and it literally me a hell out of my life.Drama queen. any way lesson learned.

keep up the good work

David Riley's picture

Co-Sign


Hey Anon,

Avoiding drama queens is the best way to go if possible. It can be hard at times but warning signs come with the experience. Sounds like you got the experience and you learned from it. Hope it does not happen again.

Take care,

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

Sex just meeting girls/boyfriends.


Chase, I found myself in a weird situation, on Saturday just gone. After few drinks with friends, I went to a kebab shop to get something to eat to soak up some of the cider, I met a woman at the kebab and ended up getting a cab back to her place. In the cab she said she wasn't going to suck my duck, I replied you don't have to, not wanting sound desperate for sex. She had left her boyfriend in town with his mate, I wanted take her back to mine, however we ended up at her place we had couple of drinks, and she was giving me the come on, in between her getting changed to come back to mine. Whilst waiting for her, the boyfriend walks in with his mate pizza in hand, the guys offering me pizza, she walks in the and as bold as brass she says I was seriously thinking of going to his ,to suck his dick, whilst pointing at me, the look on the guys face said it all. I just sat calmly waiting for the ensuing fight, it never came. All I could think was, guy get some self respect and fuck that narcistic dangerous bitch off, with that I calmly walked past them said to her, without looking at her if you want to come its up to you. I then calmly walked out thinking of my own esteem.

Alek Rolstad's picture

lol

Author

Well, I think she wanted to have sex with you, but once her boyfriend came back home, she tried to give some dumb excuses for protecting her relationship and reputation.

Honestly, you should be glad you didn't fuck this girl. She would have caused more problems than you would have imagined. I think you did the right thing - I would have done the same.

I know you most likely would have gotten laid, but think about it - she was giving you a lot of red flags and in the end of the day, she wasn't worth it really.

But guess what, shit like this happens - even to really experienced players. At least your are now closer to be able to claim that you've seen it all. In the end of the day you will look back at this even and laugh about it - "i remember once that fuck up chick...".

Also keep in mind that you can use this as a cool story to tell girls next time you head out - I think it will generate into some good laugh. Women swallow such stories like candy!

-Alek

Alek Rolstad's picture

NOTIFICATION

Author

Hi everyone. You Might have noticed that I haven't replied to my earlier posts. The reason being was that I had some login trouble. either way, I have read your comments and based many of my future posts on them.

Either way, Now I can comment again but keep in mind that Just_dave will also help me out commenting. so most likely you will get your questions answered by one of us.

I you guys are all ok with it, and again I am truly sorry!

-Alek

David Riley's picture

Co-Sign


Agreed, generally if you guys ask for a specific author to answer your posts, I normally wait a day or two to see if the author wants to respond before I jump in.

Very great article Alek!

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

I have a question


I have a question semi-related to this topic. In the latest Bond movie, Skyfall, Bond is in a casino talking to Serviance. Is this the bedroom eyes and voice that you guys have talked about using on a girl to ramp up her sexual desires?

I don't know if this is bad or not, but lately I find myself being real casual with women I interact in the service industry, like baristas and checkout clerks at the supermarket. I also stare deeply into their eyes with a slight smile just starting to form, but only momentarily to avoid creeping them out. I do this a) as a result of my confidence increasing over time and b) because I feel damn good about myself knowing that I am a sexy man (assuming attraction interest from her from the get-go, per Chase's article), able to get her wet. (I wasn't always like this. For the longest time, I felt unmanly.) Is this something you recommend doing also in casual conversation with (even if she has a BF already) because you never who if another girl is watching, which might make it easier to meet her later?

Thanks.

David Riley's picture

Situations


Hey Anon,

When I know for a fact that a girl doesn't have a boyfriend or I personally don't know her boyfriend I take the initial James Bond approach. Now if she's a girl from my social circle I take the Sherlock Holmes approach. What I mean her is I'm more playful without being over threatening to my mate. I don't get to close to the girl, I've had friend's girlfriends whom I met who were being "too" friendly. I attempt to distance myself. At the end of the day it's all a matter of preference and how initially close you are to the boyfriend. Sometimes I flirt with girls who have boyfriends just for practice. I don't let it go further than that, just out of respect for my fellow men. Hope that helps.

Take care,

Just Dave

Xander's picture

Clarification of article content


Hi Alek, good informative article. I have a
question regarding this section of the article:

Keep in mind that in order to test positive for HIV, you need to wait two month for the virus to incubate. That waiting time, if you feel that you are at risk, can literally kill you – so better to just be on the safe side and protect yourself in the first place.

What exactly do you mean by this?
Sounds like you need to wait 2 months for
anything to show up but if you wait 2 months
it could be deadly?

If there is anyway to clarify that I would appreciate your help.

Thanks!
X

David Riley's picture

Stress Factor


Hey Xander,

I believe Alek is leaning towards is the amount of stress you feel leading up to the test could drain and zap your energy, You may be physically well during that time but you're not mentally well. This is because of the added stress that HIV will bring to your life.

Hope that helps,

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

STD examples


About the STD part on how to avoid it, is there any visuals to better put my eye into good use?

David Riley's picture

Pictures


Hey Anon,

Pictures of STDS

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

Informative article


Hi Alex, The article was informative did not know Herpes could spread even when using Condoms. I always use condoms and thought that should be enough. will need to look out for this as well

David Riley's picture

Unfortunate Exposure


Hey Anon,

That is in fact the very reason why some people avoid disclosing that they have the disease. They do it out of fear of being rejected. The ironic thing about condoms if they're supposed to prevent pregnancy but they can barely do that right. On a positive note I read online that they're developing condoms that can protect from HIV.

Just Dave

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