How to Get a Girl to Like You and Make Her Feel Desire | Girls Chase

How to Get a Girl to Like You and Make Her Feel Desire

Desire: it’s that all-powerful word that differentiates a smoldering romantic affair from a chain of text messages that leads nowhere. The difference between having to fight to convince a girl to go out with you – and having her flake… to her flying halfway across the country just to be with you for a few nights. It is the difference between her always being “busy” and her finding a spare five minutes at all costs just to see you.

how to get a girl to like you

The difference is desire. Desire can make your seduction as smooth as ice. A lack of it can make it jagged as rocks. Desire makes dating, seduction and relationships easy.

But how do you cultivate desire? And what does it look like when you successfully use it to get a girl to like you? Today we’re going to look at desire inside out. And I’m going to show you the true key to understanding desire, and inspiring it in the women in your life as much as possible.

Colt WilliamsAbout the Author: Colt Williams

Raised in the American Midwest, Colt Williams made a name for himself in dating with a style based on soulful poetic seductions and playful dance floor antics. His style is all about inspiring girls and drawing them into one’s world. You can book phone coaching with him here, or get a copy of his guide to getting laid on Tinder, the product of months of study and experimentation by him on the medium.

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Comments

Anonymous's picture

hmmmmmm, well this seems like we should never tell a girl that we like her, that we are glad we saw her, happy to ran into her, tought about her, dreamt about her. I even think complimenting her like: I really like your scarf, it makes great contrast with your face. We have two different words in czech for "like". 1) like visually and 2) like as a warm feeling. So every advise of this kind that she should be guessing if you like her, it seems like you should not use "like" as 2). Thoughts? This makes me question these kinds of advises because we hear how girls like to be complimented and how it makes them feel special.

Author
Colt Williams's picture

Anon,

I honestly think it depends on:

A. How you say it
B. Where you are

A: You're completely right, girls love being complimented. But the thing is, a lot of guys compliment them to no end. They say the scarf line, want to start a conversation with her, but then just run away. So girls almost expect this, and give you the *shortest* window if you don't give them a sincere and unique compliment. You must always follow up by introducing herself, knowing what you want out of the interaction, and making your intentions known.

If you tell her you like her as in 2, it has to be said in either a very sexy way, or in a non-needy way. A of guys tell girls they "like" them in the hopes that the girl will validate them and reward them with a date or at least saying she likes them back. But, the funny thing is a girl is less likely to do that if you're staking your validation on how she's going to respond.

B: If you're in the west, where people are really mired in the "culture of me," you have to keep all of this in mind. If you're anywhere else in the world -- south america, eastern/northern europe, africa, asia, oz, etc. -- throw out everything I just said in A. That's because those cultures are much different, and women who are complimented by men will expect to engage them in conversation and assume a romantic interest. Whereas in the west it's more of a "What does this person want? They better not be weird or waste my time."

So, food for thought. And thanks for the question. It's an important one.

Cheers,

Colt

Anonymous's picture

I've read all your posts about where to go on dates but I have run into a problem. I have a secret thing going on with a girl. It's cold where I live and I live in a small town. I am a teenager so I can't bring her home unless parents are away.(which rarely happens) Getting into a city involves taking the train and there is a decent chance of running into someone we know on the way.
Do you have any suggestions?

Author
Colt Williams's picture

Anon,

That's definitely tough. Am I right to assume that neither of you has a car? That would probably make things a bit easier (and much warmer as well!).

If not, I would suggest places like a coffee shop or a movie theater. A movie theater is especially good for people your age because it's both dark and entertaining in whatever mode you need it to be.

Also, I've found that it small towns, making an adventure out of exploring a shop or mall can be a good way to talk and steal kisses, etc.

Otherwise, you may just have to brave the cold my friend. You could grab a blanket, some hot chocolate, food, some music and head out to a quiet park. I dunno how cold it is where you live, but I've had some pretty good times with girls when we were keeping each other warm when it was absolutely freezing outside.

Let me know if any of these are viable and I'm curious to know what kinds of venues are in this small town of yours.

Best of luck!

-Colt

Mr. Rob's picture

On point #3 when you talk about making sure women aren't your top priority, and have something else like a hobby or skill to master as a top priority. wouldn't seduction be in that top priority? I mean I work out, go to school, etc. but learning seduction for me is at the top of my goals. Are you suggesting we replace this with something else that's at the top of our pyramid to accomplish? I feel like this would stifle learning curves and progress if it wasn't my biggest focus. Clear this up for me if you could.

Rob

Rob

Author
Colt Williams's picture

Rob,

Don't get me wrong, you can definitely make seduction *one* of your top priorities. But I don't think it should be the sole top priority, for many reasons.

1. You build value outside of seduction. The best men aren't the best men because they have the magic line to get a girl to hop in bed with them. They are the best because they have crazy amounts of value: social value, experience, wisdom, etc.

2. You can get burned out if seduction is all you do. It's really easy to just overwhelm your mind and emotions with seduction, especially based on how many necessary failures you'll have.

3. It can desensitize you. I've if noticed all a man does is have sex with women to no greater end, it can actuality make him unfulfilled and listless. He feels like there's something "missing" and he's trying to use women to fill that void. That usually comes at the level of mastery.

3. Seduction always leads to other avenues. Think about all of the seduction websites you've seen, Keyword: *websites*; masters of seduction know that it's not an end in itself, so they monetize their knowledge and look to use their new social skills to build business, become better speakers, and become better writers.

You're in school, which is great! And I hope that you're learning something that'll lead you to finding something worthwhile.

In seduction, there is only one definite end: eventually you want to find an amazing life partner. Say you do that when you're 32. Then what? What are you going to do for the rest of your life? How are you and your dream girl going to grow?

...And how will you even know she's your dream girl if you don't know who *you* are? When you learn and build your life around a purpose, you can work toward that purpose and constantly improving yourself until the day you draw your last breath.

That's why it can't be your top priority. But it can help you learn what's important to you.

Onward,

Colt

Y's picture

That last passage is seduction's equivalent of a William Wallace pre-battle speech. Great piece, Colt.

Cheers,
Y

Author
Colt Williams's picture

Y,

He is definitely one of my favorite writers. Thanks for the compliment!

-Colt

Anonymous's picture

Another reason to create desire in women, is to have them pursue you...that way you minimize your effort, they maximize theirs, and you can hang back and logically evaluate them. If you are more into a woman (emotionally) than she is into you...so much so that you feel like you must stop at nothing to get this girl...you may miss blatant and glaring red flags that you would have caught had you been more logical.

Red flags are important to catch early on so that you don't waste time on any one woman (who really is all but a commodity and is really just fulfilling a role that one of the other billions of potential women can fulfill).

Author
Colt Williams's picture

Anon,

Absolutely! That's happened to me plenty of times. I try to get a girl, and I feel she's *just* out of my reach, so I feel like I *must* have her. Meanwhile, I start to ignore the red flags that I was acknowledging before I got into that frenzied state. And then when you come out it...you feel like you just woke up from a dream. Like someone just snapped you out of a daze. It's so crazy!

Yes, that's why this site is called Girls-Chase. The whole idea is get the girl to invest in you. It makes everything so much easier, and it allows you to look at her through a realistic lens and either accept her for who she is, or to move on.

Great points.

-Colt

Prehistoric's picture

all the girls that actively pursued me are girls I wasn't even thinking of, mostly because my thoughts were directed at other women.

others started to show me interested after I had turned my back because they had acted snobbish and not politely.

most girls I was focusing all my attention on of ended up losing interest.

I also like the part about women not being the priority. They immediately feel it and get interested.

Author
Colt Williams's picture

Prehistoric,

Isn't it so funny how that works? Only show a girl marginal attention in the beginning and she will be swooning for you. It's so important to not blow situations out of proportion and to keep your own life goals in perspective. But, that can also be one of the most difficult things to do -- especially in the beginning.

-Colt

Florida's picture

Colt if you or any of the other writers could answer me this question it would be great. Do these articles stick to self improvement or do they promote a narcissistic view of the world in which everything and everyone is viewed as utility, a stepping stone, or a way in which to further improve one's self worth or power. You can make any justification you want for saying that seduction is not manipulation, but I strongly believe that it without a doubt is. I think some of the articles on this site talk about being a better you, and then some of them really extend to adopting a completely selfish view of the world where other people are just accessories to good feelings and success. I would love to know what you think about this. Great article by the way - I didn't comment on this article because I thought that it promoted narcissism I commented because it was the most recent one. Thanks again.

Chase Amante's picture

Florida-

See this article for a discussion of the "Isn't learning seduction manipulation?" question: "Is Seduction Wrong?"

Chase

Florida's picture

I get that learning seduction can be viewed as just becoming better with women, something other men may naturally be. And we can say that we're doing the girl a favor by making her enjoy sexual pleasure and giving her excuses to do something she inherently wants to do. But do you view the material of this site as ways to use people as accessories to happiness/good feelings or stepping stones to success? You can find a justification for everything but do you think it is okay to use others as accessories to good feelings and success? I'd love to know what the writers of this site think about that.

Author
Colt Williams's picture

Florida,

I wouldn't say that you're using people at all. The people who are best in social situations got that way through years of trial and error and making many, many, many mistakes. And now, those same people are trying to prevent readers from going through the same arduous process by providing articles and products to do ONE thing: give women what they want.

At the end of the day, every person wants to be understood. And this site is a tool for becoming a person who understands women and what they need. It's also a tool for understanding social dynamics in general. It's a cruel world, and if you don't know what to watch out for, it'll break you down. So we're not suggesting that you use people and look at them as a means to an end, but we are trying to point out that if you don't understand how the world works -- and what to do about it -- you'll get taken for a ride.

Personally, I love people. I love giving and I love being of service to others. And I'm certain that all of the other writers on this site can say the same. When I interact with a girl, I don't think "Yes, here's another one that'll give me happiness and other tangible logical benefits." Rather, I think, "Here's a great girl. Let's see what she's about, and let's see if we get on the same page sexually/intellectually."

However, what I don't enjoy...is people trying to use me. And I used to be an overly nice guy, who would pretty much do anything for anyone as long as I didn't hate them. And I got used...A LOT. So, learning these tools helped me understand how to level the playing field when I do run into those kinds of people. Either by asking for an equal investment, or just by learning how to smoothly say no.

But in the end, people are ends in themselves, not means. I don't try to "get" happiness or value from them. They either make me happy because of who they are...or they don't. and the ones who do....I enjoy and keep around. And the ones who don't, I am cordial with and don't necessarily try to reach out to. And the ones who treat me as a commodity, I know how to deal with.

So that's how I look at things. Though, my personal views don't necessarily represent the other writers on this site. But I hope that helps clear things up.

All the best,

Colt

Prehistoric's picture

Meaning that while you work on stimulating her desire, you need to be careful not to let yourself feeling uncontrollable desire (the one that makes emotions prevail over reason, strategy and touch with reality) for her...

Sometimes I feel like the inner work of remaining cool and not let emotions take over is much harder than the outer game of learning the right moves. And that the more you fix the first, the more the second gets fixed automatically...

hope there'll soon be an article on how "not to let your emotional desire for women prevail over your strategic goal-oriented self".

It is not very romantic to say that, but things always work out better for me when I manage to remain "the cold planner" inside and not letting myself be the "dreamer".

Author
Colt Williams's picture

Prehistoric,

I think you're absolutely right. That's not to say that you should have no feelings *at all*, but yes you should try not to let your emotions get ahead of you when dealing with a new girl. And if you find a girl who you think is absolutely amazing, and you don't have that much experience, that can be really really hard.

But as you rightly point out, making the change in your mentality will make your outer projections that much more smooth and non-needy. Great comment! And I'll throw your post suggestion in the queue.

Cheers,

Colt

Darkwings92's picture

Hey Colt as a black man can you write an article on dating and hook-up for black men. I find as a young 20 year old black guy myself girls are much more cautious and hesitant around me even other black women. Even if I'm genuinely interested and express that interest they think I'm just playing games with them. Any advice? A post would be awesome on helping me tweak my process for better results

Author
Colt Williams's picture

Darkwings,

Have you read this post yet? http://www.girlschase.com/content/how-black-guys-can-have-sex-white-girls. It's about hooking with white women as a black man. Although, it's about white women, it's precepts can pretty much be applied to all women. Let me know if this does the trick.

Cheers,

Colt

Darkwings92's picture

Thank Colt, now that I look back at my past experience s with this 19 dancer I mistakenly put up her walls by whisepering how much I wanted to have sex with her outside my house. Yikes!! Too obvious.She admitted to being confused how I could be silly and a nerd one moment then turn her on like crazy despite having a low partner count thus far.After that we were both too busy that semester and I couldn't get any investment although I persisted not chased. After giving her the hard choice I bowed out. Later that night after she had been blantently flirting with a new guy and drove me home she admitted how her fiance had cheated on her prior to getting married and how she never wanted to let anyone close. She's also admitted how she goes through the motions in relationships And has trust issues. Do you think I got played or was she telling me the truth.

Anonymous's picture

Although i agree with the concept that uncertainty creates obsession, i do not think it is healthy nor practical. You cannot keep a girl guessing long term and it requires a lot of effort. You could only keep this up for so long and the desire would be rooted in insecurity. Its not necessary and a high quality woman will not be attracted to it. I actually think this kind or advice is more hurtful than helpful as IVe been there before.

Anonymous's picture

Great article as always.
I had been dating a great girl for about 4 months. We moved fast as a lot of articles had advised. Everything was going great, I was invested in a lot of activities - she wasn't on the top if my list and I could really feel the attraction grow quite strong on her behalf. Our dates were the most fun I've/we've had on dates etc. Then the Xmas period came where we couldn't see each other for about 3 wks (she went away to see family then I was away for a wk with work and no phone service). A few days after my return we schedule to meet up. A little into the conversion she pops the 'im not ready for a relationship' card. I was shocked (didn't act it though), and she essentially said she just wants to be friends. Straight after saying this she peppered me with 'youre the most genuine donw to earth guy I've met, you're a catch, I don't know why I'm doing this, can I still contact you etc. Then hugged/ kissed and held hands (all her doing) for hours after. Until a teary 'bye' from her.

I'm just wondering - anyone reading this. How I go about snapping her back into how we were before the short break? This situation hasn't happened before. Anyone I've dated generally more than 2 months have turned into girlfriends using almost the same technique. I was thinking of sending her a super short letter being cool with everything but giving her a bit of anticipation at the same time.

Lawliet's picture

Holy s***, why wasn't I reading your stuff earlier...

Your new reader,
Lawliet

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