How to Get a Girl to Like You and Make Her Feel Desire


Desire: it’s that all-powerful word that differentiates a smoldering romantic affair from a chain of text messages that leads nowhere. The difference between having to fight to convince a girl to go out with you – and having her flake… to her flying halfway across the country just to be with you for a few nights. It is the difference between her always being “busy” and her finding a spare five minutes at all costs just to see you.

how to get a girl to like you

The difference is desire. Desire can make your seduction as smooth as ice. A lack of it can make it jagged as rocks. Desire makes dating, seduction and relationships easy.

But how do you cultivate desire? And what does it look like when you successfully use it to get a girl to like you? Today we’re going to look at desire inside out. And I’m going to show you the true key to understanding desire, and inspiring it in the women in your life as much as possible.


how to get a girl to like you

Throughout the entire course of my romantic life I’ve noticed a very interesting trend. A girl and I almost never have the same level of interest in each other. Chase wrote about this phenomenon in his piece on “What It’s Like with a Girl Who’s Really In Love.” Love is synonymous with a lack of control. And the feelings of desire are no different. When there are strong feelings between you and a girl, you really only feel one of two ways:

  1. She texts you all of the time, and you think “cool.” It’s exciting to have a girl like you so much. You may be interested in her, but you almost feel guilty because you have a lot of power and influence over her, and you know that you are definitely the one who is steering the romantic ship.

  2. You cannot stop thinking about her. You try not to text her too often, but when you do, your heart beats a little faster as you wait for her response. And it starts racing when it actually arrives. Sometimes she texts you back, other times she doesn’t. She’s really flakey, and you find it generally frustrating to deal with her. You just can’t figure her out, and you know you’re staying up at night, thinking about her, and trying to figure out why you like her so much and how you can make her yours. But… you know that she’s not doing the same. You know that you’re a minor thought in her mind, and that she probably doesn’t waste any extra time thinking about you.

These two scenarios are the exact scenarios that brought me into the seduction game to begin with. A few years back, I remember that I was absolutely enamored with this girl I had known for a few weeks. She was gorgeous, she had a smile that could brighten any man’s day, she had the sexiest body, she was funny, and she was better at deep diving than most PUAs I’ve encountered in my life.

The first few times we met it was like out of a storybook, sneaking off for midnight adventures in botanical gardens in the moonlight. It was all fantastic for a short period. But after a while…I started to think a lot more. I thought about how amazing she was. I thought about how much I loved our adventures. And the more I would think, the more nervous I would get when I was actually around her. So nervous that after a while, not only was I too scared to kiss her, but I was too scared to even touch her. And I bet you can imagine what that did for her attraction to me.

It was one of the rare times in my life that I became clingy and started chasing – and that pretty much put an end to that. I never wanted to feel that way again.

However, the funny thing was that at the exact same time, there was a girl who was texting me nonstop. I didn’t give her too much thought because I was too busy chasing my storybook girl.

So, sometimes I would text her back. Other times I wouldn’t. Sometimes she would text me and I would come off like an asshole. Other times, I would just say something overtly sexual or even sext her without thinking twice.

And the even funnier thing was… I invited this second girl over, and I slept with her with absolutely zero resistance.

how to get a girl to like you

But, how could this be? This question ran through my mind over and over again. I paid this girl no attention, I didn’t treat her all that well at times… and yet, she would practically bend over backwards for me.

Luckily, I learned that science had an answer.


Desire Comes from Uncertainty

Let’s examine a couple of examples from the good ol’ 50’s to understand the roots of desire:

In the 1950s, Dr. Harry Harlow conducted experiments on attachment at the University of Wisconsin which today would undoubtedly be considered cruel. Harlow separated young monkeys from their mothers soon after birth and placed them in cages with two “fake” mothers.

One was an immovable doll made of soft cloth, while the second, mechanical “mother” was made of cold, unyielding wire which nonetheless provided food. The young monkeys were then confronted with a scary, threatening contraption. But rather than running to the mechanical food source, they invariably scampered to the soft, cuddly doll mothers, showing that comfort was more important to them than food.

Harlow also created a rejecting “mother” that used a blast of pressurized air to push the baby monkeys away. But they clung even tighter to these mother figures. The scientists observed that the “rejection” actually strengthened the baby monkeys’ determination to hang on, and essentially, attach. In the 1960s, similar experiments conducted by Dr. Eckhard Hess at the University of Chicago involved electric shocks to keep ducklings from attaching to figures they imprinted on. But this only strengthened the ducklings’ behavior and made them follow even closer.

That’s from “What's In a Kiss? More Than You Realize…”.

So what these studies are saying is:

  • The more the baby monkeys and ducklings got rejected by their “mothers” in these experiments, the more the monkeys/ducklings clung on to these “mothers.” The animals were actually more attached after getting rejected.

Additionally…

Experiments by A.E. Fisher on puppies in 1955 divided them into three groups. The first was treated kindly, while the second group was treated harshly and punished whenever they approached the researchers. The third group experienced random kindness mixed with punishment, so they never knew what to expect. But the third group of puppies formed the strongest attachment to the researchers. Guy Murchie dubbed this the polarity principal, which says the stress of uncertainty is one of the strongest factors affecting attachment, love and dependence.

So what this final study states is:

  • If you treat an animal well sometimes, and poorly other times, it doesn’t know what to expect. And when it doesn’t know what to expect, it becomes the most attached to you and desirous of you vs. animals that are always treated well or never treated well.

And these exact same results have been applied to human beings. Essentially, when we don’t know how another person is going to treat us, that’s when we most desire them. That’s when we want to be around them, want their approval and simply want them to care about and validate us. 

And that is the root of desire. That is why we men obsess over the girls who play “hard to get” and constantly send mixed signals. We pull out our hair and scream “I just can’t figure this girl out!” And it only makes us want her more and more. And women know this. They read Cosmo and a wealth of other female-centric media that tells that how to attract and keep their perfect man. 

They have all of the tools to make you pine for them, and they’re not afraid to use them. But the good thing is… desire works both ways.


how to get a girl to like you

We all know that women love sex. And we all know that they want men just as much as men want them (and if you didn’t know that… well, now you’re a bit wiser). So it stands to reason that the methods that girls use to attract guys and keep them as orbiters are the same methods that men can use on them.

While that is certainly true to a large extent, there are a couple of key differences in approach that are important to note.

In order to understand these differences, we have to understand the difference between the top priorities of men and women.


The Priority of Men

  • Men want to “win” in the game of life in some way or another. Whether that’s through their work, through seducing women and bearing children, or building important things in their free time – at the base of every man is the deep desire to leave a legacy.

I think that subconsciously every man understands that he is expendable. When the ship is going down, it’s “save every woman and child,” not “save every woman, child, and man who is too scared and doesn’t feel like dying right now.”

Men were created to fight, to create, to solve problems, and to generally get the job done – in both mind and body. So there are many men, who, at the top their profession and leaving an immense legacy to the world, lose a large part of their desire for women.

Before the battle of Troy, Achilles’ mother (a goddess) asked if he wanted to have a beautiful wife and create a lineage of children for generations who would love him, but… eventually his name would fade to the sands of time; Or if he wanted to die in the battle of Troy and have his name live forever. Which did he choose? Just stretch out your Achilles tendon and let my point soak in.


The Priority of Women

Women, on the other hand, are creatures of love and beauty:

  • Despite what women may say or try to lead you to believe, what a woman wants most is to be loved. And not to be loved by just anyone, but to be loved by a strong man who is confident and desired by many other women.

Women want to cultivate a bond with a quality man and nurture the children they conceive with that man. Women are rarely concerned with legacies and expendability. They are beautiful and for the most part delicate – in both mind and body


The Chase is On

how to get a girl to like you Because of our nature, men are naturally competitive creatures. We like to compete with each other on everything from sports to who can eat more wings. On the other hand, women may or may not be competitive. They don’t have that deep biological need to prove themselves.

As such, women are generally less competitive than men… unless they are competing over a dominant man. Women love competing with each other over men. And this makes perfect sense: they want to have the best genes for their child all to themselves.

So when there’s a quality man on the line… all bets are off. That’s why the idea of preselection is so important. As soon as a woman sees other females going for you – even if she doesn’t know you – she’ll suddenly want you as well. And it’s this idea that you’ll want to keep in mind when cultivating desire.


Key #1: Transform Yourself into a Guy Girls Compete Over

This key is perhaps the most straightforward, but also the broadest in terms of how many different areas it touches. But this is the foundation that forms desire. There’s no way that you’ll be able to inspire desire and get a girl to like you unless:

These are the foundations that are covered from A-Z on this website. If you don’t have these things covered, it’s going to be hard to rouse women with that passionate, lustful, I-can’t-get-enough-of-you desire that so many men have the potential to rouse if they would just apply themselves.

And although I would say that all of these bullet points are important, being sexy is far, far and away the most vital. Desire is linked to emotional attachment and sexual lust. That means that a girl should:

  1. Want to be around you

  2. Know that you are a man who loves women and is going to try to sleep with her with any opportunity

If you can do that, you’ll have the groundwork for building desire.


Key #2: Use Preselection

If you show women that you are a sexy man, it will lead to often getting the all-important preselection, and act as a gateway to all of the other important areas. If you want desire, you need preselection. That can mean:

  • Using early frame announcements and establishing yourself as a man who sleeps with many women

  • Going out with a wingwoman and having women see you with a cute girl

  • Telling stories about girls you’ve been with in the past

  • Flirting with girls in front of other girls in order to build intrigue and easier opening

No matter what form it comes in, you absolutely need preselection to consistently create deep desire in women.


Key #3: Never Prioritize Women

If you take anything away from this article, let it be this: The most important factor in whether or not you’ll consistently get a girl to like you is making sure that women are never your top priority.

I know the idea is completely counterintuitive. If you like a girl, or have a general passion for women, surely you should make them a priority.

No. The exact opposite is true. As we saw in the scientific study, desire and attachment come from uncertainty. And if a girl knows that she can have you whenever she wants you… you’re done. It’s over. Sure, she may like you. She may care about you, but she’ll never have that crawl up the wall desire for you.

That #2 girl who was texting me constantly never knew what she was going to get. Sometimes I texted her back 5 minutes later. Sometimes I texted her back 5 hours later. Sometimes I never texted her back at all.

And all the while… I never cared. I was focused on my “dream girl,” or on writing, or martial arts, or dance, whatever else may be occupying my time at any particular moment.

Meanwhile, my “dream girl” knew that she had me in the palm of her hands.

I slept with one. I only dreamt about the other.

So, as a man, it’s your job to figure out what’s most important to you. It is a hobby? Is it a business? Is it travel? Is it your job? Whatever it is… make sure it’s not women. Because women love men who have drive and know what they want. Ricardus talked about this in the Success Factor Pt. 5.

If a man knows what he wants, women love that. Women want to be a part of that. They want to help you “win” the game of life and have you love them in return. So when you have a greater life goal/purpose, women can just sense it on you. They know you don’t waste your time with useless pining and that you’re a man of action.

Furthermore, women want to be able to peel away your layers. If you show them that you’re strong, but also have the capacity to be vulnerable and Byronic – and you constantly shift between the two – it will maintain your intrigue and only keep them wanting more.

As a corollary: Always have multiple women in your life as often as you can. If you have multiple women in your life:

  • You won’t get attached to one and put her on a pedestal
  • You can stay sexually satisfied and decide if you want something serious with one
  • You’ll show her that she’s replaceable to a man with abundance
  • You’ll be able to keep your life low-stress and focus on your bigger life projects

And in terms of communication with the girls of your life, just get to it when you can. If you feel like texting her now… do it. If you don’t… text her a few hours from now. Just always  keep your own convenience in mind.


Key #4: Employ the Ben Franklin Effect

Ah, those founding fathers, they really knew what they were doing. Before I launch into this, if you haven’t read Chase’s post on cognitive dissonance, I suggest you do so now. But if you really don’t want to, the important thing to know is that for your brain, no matter what action you take, it needs to come up with a justification – whether it’s something positive or negative.

So in terms of people, you don’t do nice things for people because you like them. Instead, you like people because you do nice things for them. And this applies vice versa to negative actions as well.

So every time you do something nice, your brain has to justify it and basically say “I just went out of my way to do something nice. I must like this person!” Crazy, right?

That’s the exact principle behind compliance and female investment. If someone is investing in you, they tell themselves that they must like you.

And Ben Franklin found this out long, long ago. So, whenever he would make an enemy, he would ask his enemy for a very personal favor (which appealed to their pride). So, once they accepted and did something nice for him, their brains would give that justification… and he would have an enemy no longer.

how to get a girl to like you

And the same applies to girls. If you want them to desire you, you have to get them to do things for you. It could be small things like just holding something for you, or bigger things like driving over to come see you. But, if you employ the Ben Franklin effect, it will become much easier to build desire  as she will more willingly invest in you while steadily wondering why she likes you more and more. 


Outcome Independence: You Probably Don’t Even Like “Her”

There are a lot of reasons why men pursue women. But, I’ve always believed that it’s not always necessary because we’re enamored with a particular girl. Sometimes you don’t even want a woman because you desire that specific girl. Instead…

  • Sometimes you’re just stubborn and don’t want the feeling of failure, so you keep pursuing a girl just to preserve your own pride

  • Sometimes you just want to sleep with or date someone who is attractive enough to fit the bill

  • Sometimes you just like the idea of having a girl to pursue. So you go into a romantic situation with half-hearted efforts, steadily subconsciously sabotaging yourself so that you keep the girl in reach, but never actually get her

  • Sometimes you just want someone to care about and take care of you, while in turn give you something to protect

So keep that in mind if you ever find yourself constantly pining over one girl. It’s probably not even her you want most of the time, so keep that honesty with yourself.

One of the hardest things to accept is that you can’t force desire. Sometimes you throw the kitchen sink and get nothing… but that’s okay. Move on to the next one and focus on creating desire with the women who are receptive, i.e., those who matter.


How to Get a Girl to Like You: It’s All Desire

Desire is going out with a girl once and having her travel 500 miles to just to see you for a weekend – on her own dime.

Desire is having a girl tell you that she would fight another man just to defend your honor.

Desire is having a girl throw her religious abstinence out of the window just for one night to be your lover.

Desire is a girl taking two buses and braving subzero temperatures just to be by a warm fire in your presence.

Desire is a girl telling you that she’s never trusted someone as much as she trusts you.

Desire is a girl saying that no one will ever know her body as well as you do.

Desire is everything.

Learn to cultivate it. Learn to master it.

Carpe diem,

Colt

Related Articles from GirlsChase.com

Comments

Anonymous's picture

hmmmmmm, well this seems like


hmmmmmm, well this seems like we should never tell a girl that we like her, that we are glad we saw her, happy to ran into her, tought about her, dreamt about her. I even think complimenting her like: I really like your scarf, it makes great contrast with your face. We have two different words in czech for "like". 1) like visually and 2) like as a warm feeling. So every advise of this kind that she should be guessing if you like her, it seems like you should not use "like" as 2). Thoughts? This makes me question these kinds of advises because we hear how girls like to be complimented and how it makes them feel special.

Colt Williams's picture

Complimenting and Liking

Author

Anon,

I honestly think it depends on:

A. How you say it
B. Where you are

A: You're completely right, girls love being complimented. But the thing is, a lot of guys compliment them to no end. They say the scarf line, want to start a conversation with her, but then just run away. So girls almost expect this, and give you the *shortest* window if you don't give them a sincere and unique compliment. You must always follow up by introducing herself, knowing what you want out of the interaction, and making your intentions known.

If you tell her you like her as in 2, it has to be said in either a very sexy way, or in a non-needy way. A of guys tell girls they "like" them in the hopes that the girl will validate them and reward them with a date or at least saying she likes them back. But, the funny thing is a girl is less likely to do that if you're staking your validation on how she's going to respond.

B: If you're in the west, where people are really mired in the "culture of me," you have to keep all of this in mind. If you're anywhere else in the world -- south america, eastern/northern europe, africa, asia, oz, etc. -- throw out everything I just said in A. That's because those cultures are much different, and women who are complimented by men will expect to engage them in conversation and assume a romantic interest. Whereas in the west it's more of a "What does this person want? They better not be weird or waste my time."

So, food for thought. And thanks for the question. It's an important one.

Cheers,

Colt

Anonymous's picture

Discreet date ideas for youn people


I've read all your posts about where to go on dates but I have run into a problem. I have a secret thing going on with a girl. It's cold where I live and I live in a small town. I am a teenager so I can't bring her home unless parents are away.(which rarely happens) Getting into a city involves taking the train and there is a decent chance of running into someone we know on the way.
Do you have any suggestions?

Colt Williams's picture

Discreet Date

Author

Anon,

That's definitely tough. Am I right to assume that neither of you has a car? That would probably make things a bit easier (and much warmer as well!).

If not, I would suggest places like a coffee shop or a movie theater. A movie theater is especially good for people your age because it's both dark and entertaining in whatever mode you need it to be.

Also, I've found that it small towns, making an adventure out of exploring a shop or mall can be a good way to talk and steal kisses, etc.

Otherwise, you may just have to brave the cold my friend. You could grab a blanket, some hot chocolate, food, some music and head out to a quiet park. I dunno how cold it is where you live, but I've had some pretty good times with girls when we were keeping each other warm when it was absolutely freezing outside.

Let me know if any of these are viable and I'm curious to know what kinds of venues are in this small town of yours.

Best of luck!

-Colt

Mr. Rob's picture

Clear this up for me?


On point #3 when you talk about making sure women aren't your top priority, and have something else like a hobby or skill to master as a top priority. wouldn't seduction be in that top priority? I mean I work out, go to school, etc. but learning seduction for me is at the top of my goals. Are you suggesting we replace this with something else that's at the top of our pyramid to accomplish? I feel like this would stifle learning curves and progress if it wasn't my biggest focus. Clear this up for me if you could.

Rob

Rob

Colt Williams's picture

Priorities

Author

Rob,

Don't get me wrong, you can definitely make seduction *one* of your top priorities. But I don't think it should be the sole top priority, for many reasons.

1. You build value outside of seduction. The best men aren't the best men because they have the magic line to get a girl to hop in bed with them. They are the best because they have crazy amounts of value: social value, experience, wisdom, etc.

2. You can get burned out if seduction is all you do. It's really easy to just overwhelm your mind and emotions with seduction, especially based on how many necessary failures you'll have.

3. It can desensitize you. I've if noticed all a man does is have sex with women to no greater end, it can actuality make him unfulfilled and listless. He feels like there's something "missing" and he's trying to use women to fill that void. That usually comes at the level of mastery.

3. Seduction always leads to other avenues. Think about all of the seduction websites you've seen, Keyword: *websites*; masters of seduction know that it's not an end in itself, so they monetize their knowledge and look to use their new social skills to build business, become better speakers, and become better writers.

You're in school, which is great! And I hope that you're learning something that'll lead you to finding something worthwhile.

In seduction, there is only one definite end: eventually you want to find an amazing life partner. Say you do that when you're 32. Then what? What are you going to do for the rest of your life? How are you and your dream girl going to grow?

...And how will you even know she's your dream girl if you don't know who *you* are? When you learn and build your life around a purpose, you can work toward that purpose and constantly improving yourself until the day you draw your last breath.

That's why it can't be your top priority. But it can help you learn what's important to you.

Onward,

Colt

Y's picture

Passage


That last passage is seduction's equivalent of a William Wallace pre-battle speech. Great piece, Colt.

Cheers,
Y

Colt Williams's picture

Wallace

Author

Y,

He is definitely one of my favorite writers. Thanks for the compliment!

-Colt

Anonymous's picture

Be logical with women...


Another reason to create desire in women, is to have them pursue you...that way you minimize your effort, they maximize theirs, and you can hang back and logically evaluate them. If you are more into a woman (emotionally) than she is into you...so much so that you feel like you must stop at nothing to get this girl...you may miss blatant and glaring red flags that you would have caught had you been more logical.

Red flags are important to catch early on so that you don't waste time on any one woman (who really is all but a commodity and is really just fulfilling a role that one of the other billions of potential women can fulfill).

Colt Williams's picture

Investment

Author

Anon,

Absolutely! That's happened to me plenty of times. I try to get a girl, and I feel she's *just* out of my reach, so I feel like I *must* have her. Meanwhile, I start to ignore the red flags that I was acknowledging before I got into that frenzied state. And then when you come out it...you feel like you just woke up from a dream. Like someone just snapped you out of a daze. It's so crazy!

Yes, that's why this site is called Girls-Chase. The whole idea is get the girl to invest in you. It makes everything so much easier, and it allows you to look at her through a realistic lens and either accept her for who she is, or to move on.

Great points.

-Colt

PrehistoricMan's picture

the bit about uncertainty so true


all the girls that actively pursued me are girls I wasn't even thinking of, mostly because my thoughts were directed at other women.

others started to show me interested after I had turned my back because they had acted snobbish and not politely.

most girls I was focusing all my attention on of ended up losing interest.

I also like the part about women not being the priority. They immediately feel it and get interested.

Colt Williams's picture

Uncertainty

Author

Prehistoric,

Isn't it so funny how that works? Only show a girl marginal attention in the beginning and she will be swooning for you. It's so important to not blow situations out of proportion and to keep your own life goals in perspective. But, that can also be one of the most difficult things to do -- especially in the beginning.

-Colt

Florida's picture

Narcissism


Colt if you or any of the other writers could answer me this question it would be great. Do these articles stick to self improvement or do they promote a narcissistic view of the world in which everything and everyone is viewed as utility, a stepping stone, or a way in which to further improve one's self worth or power. You can make any justification you want for saying that seduction is not manipulation, but I strongly believe that it without a doubt is. I think some of the articles on this site talk about being a better you, and then some of them really extend to adopting a completely selfish view of the world where other people are just accessories to good feelings and success. I would love to know what you think about this. Great article by the way - I didn't comment on this article because I thought that it promoted narcissism I commented because it was the most recent one. Thanks again.

Chase Amante's picture

Seduction and Narcissism


Florida-

See this article for a discussion of the "Isn't learning seduction manipulation?" question: "Is Seduction Wrong?"

Chase

Florida's picture

I get that learning seduction


I get that learning seduction can be viewed as just becoming better with women, something other men may naturally be. And we can say that we're doing the girl a favor by making her enjoy sexual pleasure and giving her excuses to do something she inherently wants to do. But do you view the material of this site as ways to use people as accessories to happiness/good feelings or stepping stones to success? You can find a justification for everything but do you think it is okay to use others as accessories to good feelings and success? I'd love to know what the writers of this site think about that.

Colt Williams's picture

Florida, I wouldn't say that

Author

Florida,

I wouldn't say that you're using people at all. The people who are best in social situations got that way through years of trial and error and making many, many, many mistakes. And now, those same people are trying to prevent readers from going through the same arduous process by providing articles and products to do ONE thing: give women what they want.

At the end of the day, every person wants to be understood. And this site is a tool for becoming a person who understands women and what they need. It's also a tool for understanding social dynamics in general. It's a cruel world, and if you don't know what to watch out for, it'll break you down. So we're not suggesting that you use people and look at them as a means to an end, but we are trying to point out that if you don't understand how the world works -- and what to do about it -- you'll get taken for a ride.

Personally, I love people. I love giving and I love being of service to others. And I'm certain that all of the other writers on this site can say the same. When I interact with a girl, I don't think "Yes, here's another one that'll give me happiness and other tangible logical benefits." Rather, I think, "Here's a great girl. Let's see what she's about, and let's see if we get on the same page sexually/intellectually."

However, what I don't enjoy...is people trying to use me. And I used to be an overly nice guy, who would pretty much do anything for anyone as long as I didn't hate them. And I got used...A LOT. So, learning these tools helped me understand how to level the playing field when I do run into those kinds of people. Either by asking for an equal investment, or just by learning how to smoothly say no.

But in the end, people are ends in themselves, not means. I don't try to "get" happiness or value from them. They either make me happy because of who they are...or they don't. and the ones who do....I enjoy and keep around. And the ones who don't, I am cordial with and don't necessarily try to reach out to. And the ones who treat me as a commodity, I know how to deal with.

So that's how I look at things. Though, my personal views don't necessarily represent the other writers on this site. But I hope that helps clear things up.

All the best,

Colt

PrehistoricMan's picture

It works both ways..


Meaning that while you work on stimulating her desire, you need to be careful not to let yourself feeling uncontrollable desire (the one that makes emotions prevail over reason, strategy and touch with reality) for her...

Sometimes I feel like the inner work of remaining cool and not let emotions take over is much harder than the outer game of learning the right moves. And that the more you fix the first, the more the second gets fixed automatically...

hope there'll soon be an article on how "not to let your emotional desire for women prevail over your strategic goal-oriented self".

It is not very romantic to say that, but things always work out better for me when I manage to remain "the cold planner" inside and not letting myself be the "dreamer".

Colt Williams's picture

Reason

Author

Prehistoric,

I think you're absolutely right. That's not to say that you should have no feelings *at all*, but yes you should try not to let your emotions get ahead of you when dealing with a new girl. And if you find a girl who you think is absolutely amazing, and you don't have that much experience, that can be really really hard.

But as you rightly point out, making the change in your mentality will make your outer projections that much more smooth and non-needy. Great comment! And I'll throw your post suggestion in the queue.

Cheers,

Colt

Darkwings92's picture

Black guys


Hey Colt as a black man can you write an article on dating and hook-up for black men. I find as a young 20 year old black guy myself girls are much more cautious and hesitant around me even other black women. Even if I'm genuinely interested and express that interest they think I'm just playing games with them. Any advice? A post would be awesome on helping me tweak my process for better results

Colt Williams's picture

Black Man Dating

Author

Darkwings,

Have you read this post yet? http://www.girlschase.com/content/how-black-guys-can-have-sex-white-girls. It's about hooking with white women as a black man. Although, it's about white women, it's precepts can pretty much be applied to all women. Let me know if this does the trick.

Cheers,

Colt

Darkwings92's picture

Crush that went Cold/ Lukewarm


Thank Colt, now that I look back at my past experience s with this 19 dancer I mistakenly put up her walls by whisepering how much I wanted to have sex with her outside my house. Yikes!! Too obvious.She admitted to being confused how I could be silly and a nerd one moment then turn her on like crazy despite having a low partner count thus far.After that we were both too busy that semester and I couldn't get any investment although I persisted not chased. After giving her the hard choice I bowed out. Later that night after she had been blantently flirting with a new guy and drove me home she admitted how her fiance had cheated on her prior to getting married and how she never wanted to let anyone close. She's also admitted how she goes through the motions in relationships And has trust issues. Do you think I got played or was she telling me the truth.

Anonymous's picture

Although i agree with the


Although i agree with the concept that uncertainty creates obsession, i do not think it is healthy nor practical. You cannot keep a girl guessing long term and it requires a lot of effort. You could only keep this up for so long and the desire would be rooted in insecurity. Its not necessary and a high quality woman will not be attracted to it. I actually think this kind or advice is more hurtful than helpful as IVe been there before.

Anonymous's picture

What happened?


Great article as always.
I had been dating a great girl for about 4 months. We moved fast as a lot of articles had advised. Everything was going great, I was invested in a lot of activities - she wasn't on the top if my list and I could really feel the attraction grow quite strong on her behalf. Our dates were the most fun I've/we've had on dates etc. Then the Xmas period came where we couldn't see each other for about 3 wks (she went away to see family then I was away for a wk with work and no phone service). A few days after my return we schedule to meet up. A little into the conversion she pops the 'im not ready for a relationship' card. I was shocked (didn't act it though), and she essentially said she just wants to be friends. Straight after saying this she peppered me with 'youre the most genuine donw to earth guy I've met, you're a catch, I don't know why I'm doing this, can I still contact you etc. Then hugged/ kissed and held hands (all her doing) for hours after. Until a teary 'bye' from her.

I'm just wondering - anyone reading this. How I go about snapping her back into how we were before the short break? This situation hasn't happened before. Anyone I've dated generally more than 2 months have turned into girlfriends using almost the same technique. I was thinking of sending her a super short letter being cool with everything but giving her a bit of anticipation at the same time.

Post new comment

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.
  • Web page addresses and e-mail addresses turn into links automatically.
  • Allowed HTML tags: <a> <em> <strong> <cite> <code> <ul> <ol> <li> <dl> <dt> <dd>
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.
  • HTML tags will be transformed to conform to HTML standards.
  • You may insert videos with [video:URL]

More information about formatting options

Image CAPTCHA
Enter the characters shown in the image.