How to Be a Good Lover (and Give a Girl Orgasms)

how to be a good lover“Nothing much to do... I’m at home and I think I’m so addicted to your passionate sex... I still can’t get over last night… I love it.”

If you’re not regularly receiving text messages like that, even from seasoned party girls - and you could use a primer on how to be a good lover - read on.

The next text she sent me was:

“Hmm… what is your secret magic?”

I didn’t tell her… but I’m going to tell you.

And if you don't know how to make girls crawl the walls, you really need to learn how to. It does a lot for your confidence… and it does a lot for your ability to hang onto a girl you really like.

Really, there's no reason that you shouldn't be able to give a girl an orgasm multiple times when you're sleeping with her.

And once you're able to do this, then you can approach women knowing that you will give them the best sex of their lives... And that's powerful.


What IS “Good In Bed”?

If you ask just about any man whether or not he’s good in bed, 99% of guys will say that they are.

Just like most guys think they’re a better than average driver…

But of course, that’s impossible. Only 50% of drivers are better than average. And it’s not automatically the 50% that are male…

The point is, we guys have a big ego and we often have a very optimistic view of our own abilities when it comes to any skill that is associated with masculinity… and for that reason, we often don’t seek to improve our skills in that area.

Including how to be a good lover.

I used to be the same way… until I started to get into tantric sex and other oriental sexual practices.

And suddenly I realized that most people don’t know what “good in bed” even means!

The first girlfriend I had after studying some of these techniques was able to come three times within 90 seconds… and I’m not even talking about serial orgasms, but three separate ones.

Sometimes her climax would last for five minutes… and I once counted her coming 19 times in one single night.

The next morning, she was sitting on my bed, leaning back against the wall and staring at the ceiling… she could hardly string a complete sentence together anymore – and she, too, wanted to know where in the WORLD I had learned how to do that.

I’m going to reveal some of the secrets of being really good in bed right here.


Hittin’ What Spots, Now?

Some guys apparently still struggle to find the clitoris… I don’t assume you’re one of them, but if you ever have to explain it to your friend who doesn’t do anything other than play World of Warcraft, tell him it’s the thing above the vagina that feels like a mouse wheel.

Different strokes for different chicks… some girls like it when you rub their clit very gently, barely touching it even. Others like it rough and you can use your flat hand and rub it back and forth as fast and hard as you can… you have to gauge her a little bit.

And make sure you use plenty of lube if you do the latter…

So that’s the clit.

The second spot is a little bit more interesting – I’m talking, of course, about the infamous G-Spot.


The G-Spot – A Myth?

Believe it or not, there was an article on BBC not too long ago, claiming that the G-Spot “doesn’t appear to exist.”

If you’ve ever seen how women respond when you stimulate their G-Spot, you will find that claim as hysterical as I do - I can only conclude that the scientist who wrote that paper not only made a fool out of himself by publicly proclaiming that he is unable to pleasure women, but also that he needs to get laid more… a lot more.

Somebody needs to point him to our blog…

Yes, the G-Spot does exist – anatomically speaking, it is the female equivalent of the prostate… just like the clitoris is the female equivalent of the penis.

how to be a good lover

It can be found inside the vagina, and you can easily reach it with your middle finger… it becomes engorged when a woman is aroused, and stimulating it can cause female ejaculation.

Just like with the clitoris, different women like to have their G-Spot stimulated in different ways… some like it when you move your finger in a circular motion, others prefer a quick back-and-forth from left to right, and some like a gentle come-hither motion…

The possibilities are endless, and you will have to find out what she likes best by trying a few different things and seeing how she responds… it’s also a good idea to ask her.

Communication is always a winner in any relationship.

In the end of the day, however, this isn’t as much about technique as it is about psychologically stimulating a woman by being a strong masculine man who takes the lead.


The Deep Spot

This spot is a little bit harder to find than the other two… and as its name suggests, it’s pretty deep inside a woman’s vagina.

In fact, it is so deep that a surefire way to find it is to move your fingers so far inside that you can feel her cervix… then bend your fingers a bit, and you’ve got it.

The Deep Spot is made up of the muscles that contract when a woman orgasms… which means that if you massage and stimulate these muscles, you can’t HELP but give a girl orgasms.

It’s really cute to see the expression on their faces when they realize that, even if just for a minute, you completely own them… you own their pleasure, and you can send their mind on a rocket ride to the moon and back.

This is what causes sexual addiction… if you get this technique down and use it with a girl, you won’t have to worry a whole lot about how to make her want you and to keep her around once you’ve slept with her.

Women just can’t get enough of this one!

Note that the Deep Spot isn’t actually a “spot”… It reaches from the front of her anterior fornix (below her belly button) all the way to the back, near her rectum…

…and by the way, if you stimulate the back of the deep spot during anal sex, it can make some girls speech impaired for a while from the endorphin overdose!


The R-Spot

I took the liberty of naming this spot after myself, because I haven’t seen anybody write about it before.

The R-Spot is right between the G-Spot and the Deep Spot… and it is very small.

In fact, it feels a bit as if there was a grain of rice under her skin… and not all girls even seem to have this spot.

With girls who DO have it, however, you can often get them off in seconds by stimulating the R-Spot… look for it.

You might be in for a surprise…

Which brings me to my next point. Not all girls are the same sexually… and while this might sound obvious, there are still a lot of “gurus” out there who claim that you can give the same sexual experience to any woman.

That is simply not true…

It’s the same with guys… some of us get off on a blowjob in seconds. I even know guys who prefer it to sex!

With others, a blowjob does nothing for them and they’ve never had an orgasm from oral sex in their lives.

And it’s the same with girls. Some can come 15 to 20 times in a single night… that is absolutely true. Others might experience only a couple of orgasms or even none at all.

And while it’s possible to teach a girl that’s never had an orgasm before how to let herself go and cum for the first time in her life, that is a bit beyond the scope of this article.

But by the same token, some girls have a higher sex drive than others.

I’ve dated girls who were perfectly fine hanging out with their boyfriends or the guys they were dating and not have sex with them… yeah I know. That sounds insane to me too.

But it’s reality.

On the other hand, I’ve known a couple of girls whose sex drive outstripped just about ANY guy’s… I’m talking about chicks that you pleasure for four hours straight and after round four they jump you again and get all disappointed and sexually frustrated if you run out of steam!

Fortunately, we still have our hands… and if you learn some of the techniques above, you can really do some magic and hold a total monopoly over her sexual pleasure.

You better believe she’s going to call you back!

how to be a good lover


How to Be a Good Lover: Beyond Technique

As I mentioned above, it’s not all about technique. And while it’s not true that technique doesn’t matter at all, you also can’t give a girl the night of her life just by going through a million different positions and ways of stimulating her physically.

The mental component is important, as discussed above…

…and sex with a woman begins the moment you first talk to her!

It’s all in the psychological build-up, you see…

And if you combine that with physical build-up, you have a girl that will be so ready to go and dripping wet before you ever start having sex with her that she’s going to BEG you to penetrate her…

…which, by the way, will also make it ten times more likely that she’s going to have an insane amount of orgasms and experience the night of her life with you.

So what IS good foreplay really? Some kissing, some fondling, some caressing?

Nah… that won’t do it. Every guy does that. Here’s how you can set yourself apart.


Preheating the Oven

Want to know how to be a good lover for your girl? Well, here are a couple of things you can do to make her weak at the knees and melt in your arms before you even get started… and a couple of secret tips and tricks to give a girl orgasms, and for the actual sex as well:

  • Smelling her neck, breathing into her ear and licking her skin: Lick a spot on her skin so it becomes moist, and THEN breathe on it. Your warm breath will make the saliva evaporate and give her the shivers. Works best on her breasts or her neck.
  • Run your fingers along those parts of her body where the light thin hair is… the hair that is barely even visible. Stay about a millimeter above her skin, so you don't touch it… but you do brush that hair. Goosebumps guaranteed.
  • Biting - a very sensual, slow bite that can be very erotic to a woman. You can also byte her whole lower jaw...  I’m not even sure why this turns many women on so much, but I suspect it’s because it’s such an expression of raw passion and desire.
  • Ass smacking – this really depends on the girl. Some women only get really aroused if you are super affectionate and sweet with them, others won’t leave your bedroom happy unless you smack them in the face and dominate them like a rag doll. Be careful with this and ramp it up slowly to find out what she likes.
  • Tease her – licking or even just touching a girl around her vagina or her breasts (not actually on them initially) is extremely powerful. You can also lick her tits, but only for half a second and pull back… Wait 5 seconds and do it again. Avoid her nipple and tease her stupid.
  • For cunnilingus, try to pretend like you're French kissing her vagina as if it was her mouth. It’s as exciting to them when they can tell you’re really enjoying her as it is to us when a girl looks us straight in the eyes with desire while she’s giving a blow job.
  • Kisses - For some reason girls really like it when you kiss them all over their bodies... You can even give a girl little peck kisses all over her face. The same goes for softly touching her face, for your cheek touching her cheek and even for cupping her face with your hands as you make out with her.
  • Put her legs on your shoulders or your chest, with her pelvis tilted up while you have sex with her – that way you can really hit her deep spot as you penetrate her, and her own knees will be massaging her breasts.
  • Pull her nipple strongly with your lips, or softly with your teeth… then lick the middle of her nipple quickly up and down, back and forth with your tongue. Also try going in circles, around the nipple… you can even spiral your way from the outside in, getting closer and closer, always going in circles.

    The reason why this is such a turn-on for women is because the nerve endings at the skin of her breasts are arranged in circles.

  • Massage both her G-spot and her Deep Spot from the inside and the outside (her belly) at the same time.
  • If you're good at multitasking, you can even stimulate your girl in four ways at the same time, with your left and right hands, your mouth and your member.
  • While she's on top, raise your hip and just shake it back and forth. You can get a good angle at her spots that way, and her whole body is pretty much at your mercy... which is a huge turn-on for most women. She’s on top, but she has no control over what's happening to her at all.
  • As you stimulate her G-Spot, instead of doing a come hither motion, go left and right, back and forth, with your middle finger, and extremely fast. The gland should swell and so your finger will slide off the gland on either side every time you cross it.

That’s a whole bunch of dynamite I’ve just given you to play with… and as such, I have to give you a warning.

Do NOT use this full arsenal on women you’re not in the least bit serious about. You can REALLY create a powerful sexual addiction in women if you do, and you don’t want women you’re seeing only casually to get too attached to you. You need to be careful you don't hurt a girl by doing this with the wrong girl.

Trust me on this, there is absolutely NO benefit whatsoever in getting girls to fall in love with you when you’re not in love with them. It will only create drama, they will give you the ultimatum and what could otherwise be a pleasant experience for everybody will end in tears.

So reserve the real nukes for the girls you REALLY like.

It will be one heck of a solid foundation for a relationship if you can rock her world… like no man she has EVER met, nor will ever meet… in her LIFE.

See you later.

Onward and upward,


UPDATE: for even more blow-her-mind sexual techniques you can use right away, see "Make Her Orgasm Hard from Sex in 8 Minutes or Less."

Ricardus DominoAbout the Author: Ricardus Domino

Ricardus was one of the most prolific and respected coaches in the men’s dating advice industry. He’s dated some of the planet’s most beautiful women, ranging from a Miss World contestant, to a model for Coca-Cola, to one of “Brazil’s Next Top Models.” His specialty is daytime street stops. He is most remembered for his “Are you single?” opening line. Ricardus is currently retired from the dating advice industry.

Get Your FREE eBook on Texting Girls

how to text girls pdf

Sign up for our email insights series and get a copy of our popular ebook "How to Text Girls" FREE. Learn more ...

Related Articles from


TDP 's picture

Hey Ricardus,

Great stuff as always man, but I had a question since you are a lot more experienced than I. There is a quote in one of my favorite shows "love comes from the eyes." Looking at her eye to eye during escalation and in bed seems to increase intensity between the two, take note I mean it must be passionate staring during the moments you two can look at each other. What do you think man?

Anonymous's picture

any tips when your actually doing the deed?

Gabby's picture

Definitely slow down and throw some foreplay In even after intercourse has begun. Don't let foreplay end just because you've entered her. Stop from time to time and do something else. She will appreciate it.

Ricardus Domino's picture

Yes... lots, but I'll give you the best one right now. It's a technique called Tantric Thrusting. You do a number of very shallow thrusts, only using the tip... then you do a number of very deep and slow thursts. For example, 7 shallow, 1 deep, repeat... or 9 shallow 1 deep, 8 shallow 2 deep, 7 shallow 3 deep, etc...

Try it. I absolutely guarantee she will gasp and go totally nuts.

Charlie's picture

This article is gold!! Thanks so much Ricardus. I had sex with my new girl last night for the first time and implemented some of these tips... I think I made a good first impression ;)

Ricardus Domino's picture

Thanks Charlie, cool to hear that... keep it up!

Anonymous's picture

I've been looking for literature to show my boyfriend and this is golden. Teasing is so important to pleasing me, but he just doesn't get it and it is incredibly frustrating.. One thing I would add that I enjoy is being teased with his dick before he actually puts it in.. Mmm. I want him to make me beg.

Aitch xXx's picture

Right on the button (Pardon the Pun) there is nothing in this world better than the anticipation of being penetrated, I would go so far as to say better than penetration itself.


Wishing I knew ricardus's picture

First of all... I want to meet the man who wrote this. Just for a night. I would pay for every damn thing if only i could experience this. he could be 50 (im 20) and i wouldnt care. i also want a memo sent to every man on the planet. And I have a question: how can you get a guy to try using foreplay during sex. I find that guys will do some of the things mentioned but once they enter you there is no going back. I get bored, nothing's happening for me, I want to go back to foreplay for a bit. I've asked and guys will do it from time to time or do it for the first 5minutes and then they just pump their way to their own orgasm. What do you do?

Anonymous's picture

He's an oldie at 44 (I'm 28) but he won me because he does all these things except he fails to look into my eyes which I really want to experience and if he does look into my eyes, he seems vacant (probably because he is thinking of all the things mentioned in this article to do to me).

I'd also suggest with the thrusting to do it to music in beat.

Ricardus, you could possibly turn average men into sex machines....the more the better...I can't be constantly sharing my husband LOL

Anonymous's picture

While addressing the physical aspects, you took time to address a very specific emotional point: to be careful with feelings and to save something for someone special. Thank you for that. No wonder you're good enough to write articles. You give a shit.

Anonymous Vajay's picture

A man who gets that all vaginas are different?! I thought I would never see the day. Listen to this guy. He's obvs got some lesbian friends because I've never had internal/external g-spot stimulation from a male, just females. I mean, I insist upon it now, but twas the ladies who introduced me to orgasms so huge that the cops get called... by multiple neighbors.

Foreplay should be in bold & underlined. Yes, sometimes we do just want you to slam it home, but be warned, just because we want it doesn't mean we should get it right away. I've left more than a few men embarrassed by having to finish myself off & have more orgasms in 5 minutes than the absolute zero they neglected to provide in the 10 minute snorefest they sadly slapped out. We are timing you. We do discuss how long who did what where & we certainly point out the boys who think sex is limited to the behaviors shown in those 30 second free porn clips. Said boys are at the top of the list of Things To Be A Bitch About. Cheap, boring & typical.

Cunnilingus Master's picture

The most effective and pleasurable way to give a female an orgasm is through cunnilingus. Most women cannot orgasm through intercourse because it doesn't provide adequate stimulation to their clitoris. The clitoris is the secret pathway to pleasure in the woman.

Anonymous's picture

This is embarassing to even put down, but; I'm requesting an article touching on making sex good with a small penis. Anticipation and satiation can be...difficult, and I'm starting to wonder if this is a crackable problem.

if anyone's able to give a trustworthy response to this issue though, I put my money on the gc bloggers and community.

Anonymous's picture

I don't know how small are you dude but I'm not so big myself and that's not an issue for the ladies as much as we might think. There are good positions that you can use to stimulate the deep parts of the vaginal, but know that, at least from my experience, you have to be careful because going too deep hurts them.

I think it's more important to last enough (small dick can still hit the spots, but no matter your size, you have to be able to do it for as long as it takes). Also don't forget about your own pleasure, it's not our job to satisfy women, it's a couple's job to have a fun sex life, so don't be worried about you don't being "enough".

And remember oral sex and being good with your fingers is also a plus for all guys no matter what size. Give her enough orgasms with your mouth and hands and you'll be a better than most of those guys who don't take the time. Also, do it because sucking pussy is fun, not because you "have to". Then try all the sex positions you can find or think of, and last as long as you can that way you'll improve your chances of giving her a vaginal orgasm and also yours will be more amazing. If you are unable to get her to orgasm before you, just go down on her again, you might even get hard and be able to have another round! Do that until she can take no more and trust me, she'll be very happy.

Anyways, small penis is not a crackable problem because is NOT a problem at all. The more you think of it the more it becomes a problem for YOU. Sex is fun.

Best of luck! Sorry for my bad English!

blubb's picture

Somehow i was able to deduce about 95% of these great tips while having my first girlfriend.
Judging from the comments other guys may be pretty unimaginative when it comes to pleasing a women.
In Retrospect this explains why some of my exes still wanted sex even after they terminated the relationship.
Thanks for making me feel good about myself.

Anonymous's picture

I'm interested to hear why those women left considering you were giving them mind-blowing sex?

Phil_Cool's picture

Hi RD,
Some great tips there and I know that I've neglected these in my past relationships.
I'm reasonably fit and strong because I exercise a lot and women seem to eye my physique which is a real confidence boost. However, I'm not all that experienced in bed and my longest relationship was only about 2 years. The problem I have is that if I am very attracted to a woman I cannot pound her for longer than about 5 minutes non-stop without coming very hard. I can often carry on straight away and will come again but can only hold back for another 5 minutes. In a night I can come multiple times but the women seem to like me lasting longer, especially the first time. I think that they like the excitement and the build up. I've had sex with an older woman that I wasn't all that attracted to and could go on pounding her slack vagina for ages but I can't seem to last long with really hot women. Do you have any tips or techniques I could try?
Many thanks,


Dale's picture

1. After you come, if you keep thrusting as much as you can (the sensations will limit this), you can get hard again and keep going. (Warning: women often don't even realize you came, so make sure she knows, otherwise she won't believe she satisfies you.)
2. Thrust toward one side and then the other.
3. An ex told me this: massage the whole breast, not just the nipple. Expecially good if you take the breast in your mouth. (And if she thinks her breasts are too small, you can reassure her that you like being able to get the whole breast in your mouth.)

Anonymous's picture

Just to let you know, the cervix is - on average - 5 to 7 inches from the vaginal opening. If you think fisting a hookup is a good plan, you need different lessons.

Jenifer's picture

I was sent here by an article on a different website that claimed this one was full of bull. While I must say this is mostly sound advice, I do have one huge problem with it: jaw-biting. I hate to break it to you guys, but a lot of the time women lie like rugs about how much something turns us on because either we're not super into the act to begin with, we don't want to make our partner feel awkward, or we're too shy to verbalize our desire. This one thing stands out to me because literally every woman I've discussed sex with has a personal horror story and several second-hand accounts from friends about this. We theorize that this weird act is overly popularized by porn (as are many ill-advised sex acts), and we mercilessly mock the men that do this when we're alone. There is one specific cluster of nerves right near the corner of the jawbone that when DELICATELY NIBBLED (and I do stress delicately very hard) will send shivers down our spines, but all-out biting, in that spot and anywhere else on the jaw, is at best awkward and at worst hideously painful. Does it feel good when a woman yanks on your beard with all her might? No? Picture that sensation, only replace fingers with teeth. It hurts a lot, that's what I'm getting at. So, listen to everything else this person (cuz honestly, I'm not entirely convinced this writer isn't a lesbian in disguise, and I mean that in the absolute nicest way possible) suggests, but leave our jaws alone. Pretty please :).

Add new comment

The Latest from