For a long time, I subscribed to the notion that to get a girl, you had to meet her at her energy level, plus a little bit more. Too much more, and she’d think you were crazy; too much less, and you’d be a downer.
This meant, of course, that to get a girl in full-on party mode, going wild, talking excitedly, throwing her hands in the air, laughing like a woman possessed, dancing with reckless abandon on the dance floor, and just generally being young and carefree, you’d have to go in ever wilder and crazier than she was.
So I tried that for a while – being the wild, crazy party guy – and it got me a lot of positive reactions out of girls. But it didn’t get me girls. We’d dance, and party, and have excited conversation, but at the end of the night I’d still go home alone. All the while, I was going mad trying to figure out how to transition from opening women high energy to bringing them down to a lower energy vibe more conducive to seduction. I could do wild; I could do sexy; but I couldn’t seem to put the two of them together and get party girls.
I tried some potential solutions. First I tried opening high energy and just being really aggressive physically. That only went so far, and it only worked so long as I could keep the forward momentum hurtling forward. You can’t form a connection in party mode; all you can do is party and get the girl more and more excited. The moment you hit a bump in the road, though, the spell is broken, the momentum is dashed, and you’re back to square one with her. I had girls I’d fingered on the dance floor minutes after meeting them, ready to go home with me, leaving the club with me, then one little interruption would hit and the whole thing would be over.
I didn’t want to waste all my time working at continually escalating energy levels and hoping to guide interactions smoothly enough while continuously escalating them for long enough to get a girl alone with me somewhere and get intimate; there were simply too many things that could go wrong, and with no connection there was no safety net to fall back on. I decided I needed connection.
I next focused on opening high energy, then moving girls quickly and switching to sexy during the transition. That worked okay, but the percentage was still low. I wracked my brain trying to figure out why.
Around the time I started realizing the Law of Least Effort, I began realizing that opening higher energy than a girl meant I was putting more effort into an interaction than her from the start. I was chasing her from the outset; that wasn’t how to get a party girl. I wanted her to be chasing me. So that was no good.
I started playing around with opening lower energy. I realized that the reason so many men follow the “open at slightly higher than the energy of the girl you’re opening” rule is because low energy with them means “boring.” But there are two ways to be low energy:
- Being boring, and
- Being sexy.
Now, I’ve watched all manner of high energy guys run game on high energy girls. It often seems to be working – the girl gets really excited, seems to be thrilled to meet the guy, is bouncing up and down and going wild for him – but then the high energy guy never takes the high energy girl home. Almost never does. And when he finally does, it gets weird, because she was seeing him as her high energy guy friend, not as this sexy guy she was getting ready to bed. So I’m pretty confident at this point that being a party guy really isn’t terribly effective. Lot of work, little payoff.
But from what I’ve seen of sexy and sultry… oh boy.
A few days ago, I met a girl in a bar and took her home that night. She was a bouncy, high energy girl, and I saw her talking to other guys around the bar who were bouncy and high energy back with her. Me? I just chilled. Half of my communication with her was nonverbal. She’d say something, and I’d just give her a look – a sly smile, or a glance out the corner of my eyes – to communicate something with a lot more salt than anything those other guys were saying to her. And then she’d laugh excitedly and hit me, because what I said with my eyes was a lot naughtier and more fun than anything the other guys said with their words.
I picked up on her subcommunication – she asked me how long I was going to stay, because she didn’t want to leave her friend. I told it was okay and I’d wait for a bit. In other words, the subcommunication was, she said, basically, hey, don’t go, I like you; and I subcommunicated back, hey, cool, I’ll wait and we can leave together later. Then, when later came, we left together, dropped off her friend, and the two of us went back to my hotel room.
That’s how to get party girls. That’s Law of Least Effort in action; it’s fundamental to chase framing, and it’s hands down the most effective way of actually getting party girls.
I have been the one guy in a group of beautiful girls partying and going crazy, and watched men get shot down left and right by those girls when they tried being equally high energy and crazy. I have seen free-wheeling party girls running over guys trying to match their energy levels throughout my entire seduction career. As a man, you will never be able to genuinely match a wild girl’s energy levels and still seem manly and sexual. A sexual, manly man does not scream and go crazy and throw his hands in the air and dance. The man acting like that is fun, not sexy. Women do not get turned on watching a man dance and shake his ass and waggle his hands in the air.
You will not get party girls by being a party guy.
Trust me, I spent years trying to pull it off. It’s effective only rarely; unfortunately, the few rare times it works, you might fool yourself into thinking you finally are getting it to work, rather than that you somehow managed to succeed in spite of yourself. Party guy does not equal sexy guy. Sexy guy equals sexy guy.
When a party girl meets a party guy, she says to herself, “All right, here’s a super fun guy I can party up with!” When a party girl meets a low-key, sexy guy, she says, “Mmm… here’s a guy I can come back to later and get together with after I’ve exhausted my energy partying with the party guys.”
Your smile and your eye contact are some of the essential elements to being sexy. I highly, highly recommend taking some time to study the minutiae of sexual men’s facial expressions, and adopting them for yourself. In movies:
- Ryan Reynolds in Van Wilder
- Sean Connery or Pierce Brosnan as James Bond
- George Clooney
Pay particular attention to when these men tease women using only their facial expressions. Study it carefully, and start doing it yourself.
Remember the Law of Least Effort: the more you are communicating with less effort, the more powerful and attractive you seem.
Some of the keys I have found that specifically work best on wild party girls:
- Slow things down hard from the start. That means you should be doing a lot of pausing at the very outset of an interaction. When I start talking to a girl in party mode these days, I’ll usually start with something like, “So… [pause…1…2…3] do you always wear pink and purple, or… [pause…1…2] only special occasions.” I’ll keep my eyes down when I start talking to her, make brief eye contact after pre-opening and start my opener, look away thoughtfully, and won’t look up and make eye contact again until I get to near the end of the opener (e.g., “only special occasions.”). Slowing things down from the start shows her that unlike every other man she’s met that night, you’re firmly in control and not being sucked into her frenetic energy. You’re still moving at your own pace, and sucking her into it too.
- Use lots of nonverbals. When she asks you a question, make a facial expression that shows you’re giving it some thought and don’t answer right away. If she says something ridiculous, just respond with an audible, “Hmmm,” and a skeptical facial expression. The more nonverbals you use while still getting your point across, the stronger and sexier you will seem.
- Avoid being overly physical until she gets close to you. One mistake a lot of men make is trying to be physical with girls who aren’t being physically close with them. It’s subtle, but this is chasing. You want her to come close to you, then you pull her in. This way, it’s her chasing (by making herself available), and you capitalizing on it. Again, it seems subtle, but it will lead to her viewing the dynamics of the interaction from completely different angles; in one, you’re chasing; in the other, she is.
If you want party girls, don’t be a party guy. Let the other guys being party guys entertain the party girls. You’re just there to smolder, to intrigue her, and, at the end of the night, to invite her home. The head lion, or the king in his kingdom, doesn’t run around being crazy and entertaining. He just sits there, smolders, and takes what he wants.
And trust me, as opposite to her as it may seem, that’s exactly the kind of man that a party girl – any girl, really – is looking for.