Handling Awkwardness and Social Shunning on a Small Scale


I’ve been seeing more questions lately in both the article comments sections and on the boards from men who are ending up in awkward situations where some girl they’ve flirted with and expressed interest has turned them down... but they keep running into her socially.

How do you act around a girl like this? What do you do? What if she’s cold to you and ignores you, or treats you like you’re beneath her?

social shunning

I’m going to assume for the purposes of this article that you’re at least somewhat socially savvy, and that most people like you and find you reasonably attractive and cool. If that’s not the case, and you are universally socially shunned or socially ostracized (more or less), this post won’t help with that, and you’ll need to focus on leveling up your social calibration, and getting other “coolness factors” handled, like edginess, sprezzatura, and a devil may care attitude, first.

But if you’re normally a pretty well-liked guy, yet suddenly find yourself dealing with some girl things have gotten awkward around or who is downright treating you as subhuman, then this article is for you; it’s all about saving face, and turning her reaction to you right around.


Why Things Get Awkward

Things get awkward after you flub an approach with a girl in your social circle for one of two (2) possible reasons:

  1. Uncalibrated Awkwardness: either you, the girl, or both are not certain how to behave around each other after you’ve expressed romantic or sexual interest in you and she’s rebuffed these advances. Should the two of you not talk? Talk like normal and pretend it didn’t happen? Treat each other like best friends now? It isn’t clear to at least one of you, and that person makes it awkward for both of you (or perhaps, it isn’t clear for both of you, and both of you make it awkward).

  2. Intentional Awkwardness: the girl decides to use you as a rung on the social ladder, climbing up over your head and throwing you under the bus to enhance her position over you and/or distance herself from you. This can happen if she’s a conniving, remorseless status hound who will use anything she can get her fingers on to elevate her own status with no care toward the effect on others... but it can also happen if you box her into a position where you’ve made things awkward for her, and she’s either got to throw you under the bus to not get dragged down with you, or let you drag her down – depending on the situation, even nice, high empathy women can go this route if you absolutely force their hands.

The first of these is just awkward; the second is downright hostile. That hostility may be your fault, or it may be that the girl is just a ruthless ladder-climber; either way, it isn’t good for you, and if you let it go on for long, it will erode your social capital in the group and transfer much of the social status you’ve worked to build within it from you over to her.


Understanding Uncalibrated Awkwardness

The first of those our two “kinds of awkward” I term “uncalibrated awkwardness”, because if both you and the girl are very socially calibrated, you will never really have to deal with this one.

Instead, it only happens when:

  • You’re not perfectly socially calibrated
  • She isn’t perfectly socially calibrated
  • Neither of you is perfectly socially calibrated

Figuring out which of you is to blame can be harder than it sounds; if you compare one situation with previous situations, you may find that past situations were minimally awkward, while this one isn’t, without knowing whether that’s because you’re pretty socially calibrated, and just were able to smooth things out with past scenarios, but in this case the girl is just very socially awkward and no amount of smoothing from you is enough... or, perhaps, you still need a lot of brushing up on your social skills, and were just fortunate before to have had interactions with women who were socially savvy enough to make everything nice after the fact and eliminate any awkwardness (but now this current girl lacks those skills and cannot do that).

Much of the time here, if the girl herself is very socially calibrated, this will usually solve any awkwardness issues. That’s because when you’ve approached a girl and she’s rejected you, that’s typically going to lead her in the higher status position between the two of you, and the higher status individual sets the tone for how things go between you.

If the girl is somewhat socially calibrated, then it’ll go either way, depending on your social calibration. i.e., if it’s still awkward for you, then she’ll feel awkward too; but if you’re fine with it, she’ll be relaxed and won’t make a big deal about it.

If the girl is not very socially adroit yet (usually if she’s still pretty young and/or hasn’t spent much time socializing with different people outside, say, her core group of high school or university friends, for instance), even if you’ve reached a level of social mastery she will still be awkward around you, because she doesn’t have much of a mental model built yet for men and she can’t tell if you’ve completely moved on from her altogether, or if you’re secretly building a shrine to her in your walk-in closet and you’re only acting cool around her. Socializing is still too new and confusing for her, and she isn’t able to properly process events she’s only starting to deal with, like being around men she’s turned down.


Understanding Intentional Awkwardness

I covered this one pretty in-detail already in “Granting Social Status; and, Not Getting Thrown Under the Bus”, so no point covering familiar ground, but suffice it to say that with intentional awkwardness, a girl knows she is throwing you under the bus – she isn’t doing it because she’s socially awkward. She just wants to paint you as being so.

social shunning

Why’s she do it? Either because you put her in a compromising position, reputation-wise, and the only way out that she saw was to climb up over you (an example might be teasing her too hard or being overly sexual with her in front of her social group – if she doesn’t treat you like a social nincompoop, she looks socially weak and/or low status)... or, because she’s a cunning, shameless social ladder climber, and you struck her as a good mark she might use for hoisting up her status (an example here might be if you’re roughly mid-level status-wise, and she is, she can use you to clearly differentiate herself from you if you approach her and she rejects you, pushing her status up while shoving yours down).

Regardless of whether it was your fault for being a social ignoramus or hers for being a shark, you’ve still now got some negative social fallout to deal with on your hands... and it’s going to keep haunting you whenever you’re around this girl until you do.


Reversing Shunning from One or Several Girls

Though the reasons for any social awkwardness and social shunning you receive at the hands of girls you’ve tried to make headway with and failed to are varied, the way you deal with the situation is always the same.

And it revolves very much around one simple concept: showing her she misread your status... and doing so publicly.

If you can do this, you can throw her into confusion, and even make her feel embarrassed about having rejected you if she did so publicly. The goal here is to inspire within her a feeling of, “Oh, whoops – I totally misread that guy,” and the stronger her shunning of you, the stronger this feeling will be.

At the extreme end, if she’s been actively trying to communicate to the group how much above you in status she is (by very clearly and publicly ignoring you or taking digs at you), what you’ll be seeking to do is marginalize her in the group and make her efforts to one-up you look socially uncalibrated (and her socially awkward and unaware).

How you do this is very simple: you shun her back, while building up even more positive emotions and good feelings among the rest of the group.

If you’re reasonably socially skilled, this nearly always works, because the women who will tend to shun you are never the women who are the leaders of the group... the leader doesn’t shun someone unless she senses that the group overall dislikes him, in which case, you’re one of those folks who still needs to upgrade his social skills that we mentioned earlier.

If you’re socially skilled then, the only women who will shun you are the ones with moderate at best power over the other members of the group.

And typically, they’re merely followers of the group; they’re not the trendsetters or the cool ones, they’re the ones who are tooth-and-clawing it for social acceptance.

What that means for you is that if you start taking over the group, leading it, and bringing the energy into it... pretty soon you will have carved out a very clearly higher status position in the group than the girl will occupy.

And anything and everything she’s done to make you look bad or awkward backfires back upon her.

Additionally, if she hasn’t gone out of her way to shun you, and instead has just been awkward around you, doing this reassures her that you are a high-value man, and causes her to reassess your value to her in a much more positive light. You will frequently see girls in this position begin chasing after you and hinting that the two of you should go out after all.

So how does this work, exactly? Simple:

  1. If she’s awkward around you but it isn’t malicious, just be neutral. Do not go out of your way to engage her in conversation. Don’t try to be friendly. Don’t be a pal. Just give her a smile and a nod and some bare minimum conversation, and move on. Don’t ask her anything other than the smallest of small talk: how’s your day going, how’s that ankle you injured, you ace that test? Keep it to one question maximum (or none at all), and keep your questions short. She should have the distinct feel just from talking to you that you’ve pushed her to the side and aren’t much dealing with her, even if you aren’t outright hostile with her. She’s just kind of a non-factor to you.

  2. If she’s actively sidelining or shunning you, go ice cold on her. That doesn’t mean you attack her; it means you act as if she doesn’t exist at all. Don’t even greet her, because if she’s actively trying to one-up you, even a greeting can be used as an opportunity to snub you; a simple “Hey” from you can be met with an eye roll, a huff, and a head turn. Instead, greet everyone else around her, engage them, talk to them, even lean across her to talk with them if you can, but don’t say a word to her. Don’t look at her (you’ll be tempted at first, but don’t do it... that only tells her you still care about her reaction, and it cracks your frame). Act as if the space she occupies is just a big chunk of empty, boring space – nothing to look at, talk to, or interact with at all. No matter what she says or does, just pretend she’s invisible and inaudible to you.

  3. Bring the energy. Don’t be slaphappy; don’t be a parody of your usual self. Just be a positive, uplifting guy who makes everyone else around him have a better time while still minding the Law of Least Effort and coming across cool, suave, and high class. What you’re going for here is becoming the most liked and respected guy in the group; the one whom it just isn’t a party with without, and the one whom everyone acknowledges is someone totally awesome, likeable, and respectable.

  4. Build up preselection. Obviously, this is best if you can do it with hotter / higher status girls than the one(s) shunning you. If they are her friends, major bonus points. Sometimes it’s the case that one girl shuns you and her friends follow suit – in which case, you’re running this campaign against 2 or 3 or 4 women, instead of just 1 (still doable; it just usually takes longer) – but many times, you’ll find it’s very possible to have one girl shunning you or awkward around you, but you work your magic and all the other girls in the group, including her best friends, absolutely adore you, flirt with you, and worship the ground that you walk on. The bigger this effect, the sooner the girl(s) shunning you flip back the other way and start chasing.

When she starts trying to get your attention (and she will), if she was clearly just socially awkward, be nice and mildly warm, but make her a chase a little bit before you welcome her back in.

However, if she was throwing you under the bus, once she starts vying for your attention, you want to be nice, but neutral and bored with her, and have only the most fleeting of eye contact and attention for her. The goal here is not to get her to show a little interest again; the goal is to win the group over so thoroughly that she is FORCED to chase after you just to not feel excluded. In a way, you are establishing yourself as a male authority figure in the context of the group.

social shunning

What ends up happening once she realizes that she was wrong in rejecting you and shunning you and you play your cards right is that interactions like this begin happening:

You: [talking to someone else in the group] ... and then the guy gave me the money back and just walked off!

Guy: That’s hilarious! [laughs]

Girl: [to you] Wait, so did you keep the souvenir or not?

You: [turning to girl only slightly, acting very slightly annoyed, as if she is being a little bit socially awkward by intruding on your conversation, and giving her just the briefest of eye contact while speaking to her] Uh, yeah, I kept it. Still have it. [turning back to guy you were talking with] So, like, the next day, I go back to that place, and the same guy is there, and...

She’s going to feel a little embarrassed after giving you this olive branch and you acting as if she’s the socially awkward one, but this is what you want. If you immediately accept her overtures and welcome her back into the fold without making her chase, after all the punishment she gave you, you come across as merely her equal at best (not attractive), or, more often, she realizes she misread you again – here she thought she’d misread you and you were actually not beneath her in status, but above her; but you flipped back so easily and for so little effort from her, that in fact she must’ve misread you the second time, and you really are low status... and were just playing some kind of status game.

So long as you keep working the group, she’ll get over her embarrassment at being made to feel socially awkward by you after reaching out toward you, and she’ll try it again.

The next time, you will be a little bit warmer and more inclusive to her, give her a little bit more eye contact, and a little bit more communication. Then return to other people.

And every time she chases, you will give her a little bit more, then a little bit more, then a little bit more.

Don’t rush this. If you rush it, it falls apart. You need her to chase your respect and attention, not get it for trinkets.

Assuming she is someone you’re around regularly in some sort of social circle setting, you will have plenty of time to do this, don’t worry. The more you take over the group and become a central figure in it, the more strongly she will feel the need to win your approval and become a favored person in the group with you.


Can You Sleep with Women Like This?

Yes.

I don’t do much social circle stuff usually, because I find it rather a waste of my time and a distraction from more important things to me, but those times I have dabbled in social circle, I have repeatedly slept with women who rejected me first, either because I made a mistake in my approach (it happens) or because they mistook me for someone they could social ladder-climb over.

If you let them win you over too fast, this doesn’t work. “Fast” here is entirely relevant, mostly to the amount of effort a girl’s putting in to win you back. If she puts a Herculean effort into getting back into your good graces over the course of a night, it’s not unreasonable to sleep with her then, provided you can naturally transition back to being cool with her. But you can’t go back to her until she’s been putting in work to win you back.

You will probably fudge this up the first couple of times you try it, usually by being too eager to let girls back in from cold, either because you like them and hope to get somewhere with them, or because you feel bad for them and take pity on them. You will do this, realize you quickly got marginalized again, and find it’s much harder to come back from this. The next time you do this, you’ll be more careful, and force her to really earn her way back to your good side again.

If your natural reaction to all of this is, “But it’s too much game-playing!” I agree with you. This is one of the reasons I find social circle a distracting waste of time.

However, if you’re going to spend time doing social circle, and meeting girls that way, you’re going to run into status dynamics, and you need to know how to deal with them.

This is how, if you mucked it up the first time with a girl and she starts treating you like a rung on the ladder, you can make her regret doing so, change her mind, and even, if you know what you’re doing, end up with her in bed with you.

Chase Amante

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Comments

Troy's picture

Preselection.and.reattraction


Chase-

I like the article. The only step I have tried before was preselection.when a girl I approached a girl.who always showed interest until made my move. Hopefully these other steps will do the trick for me when I try again.
I recently ran a.situation as stated in my comment in the article on.situational openers where a girl who rejected me at first, she reapproaced me after I gave her preselection. The problem now is that my attraction for that girl has expired. How do I act around her now to avoid making.things more awkward since she is chasing.me and.I have moved on?

Troy

Chase Amante's picture

Girl You're Not Interested In

Author

Troy-

With girls you aren't interested in, the best bet's just treating them like you would a male friend, and no different.

Of course, if they're sufficiently cute, and they're making it easy enough for you, and there aren't really any risks of social repercussions for going ahead with things with them, sometimes it can make sense to do so for the experience when you're still getting your bearings.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

I'll say it here just because


I'll say it here just because all the other guys are thinking the same thing. And you can censor me if you'd like. Sometimes, women can be real bitches and this makes playing the game almost not worthwhile.

Chase Amante's picture

Not Nice People

Author

Anon-

Some of them are, yeah, just as some men are just assholes and bastards. That's mostly the selfish ones who will use you purely to further their own causes, with little care for the negative effects on you.

Of course, any time you start thinking that way, it's always good to do a quick check and see what you might've done to cause the behavior - if you're paying attention, 7 times out of 10 you'll realize you put another person in a socially compromising position where you didn't leave them much choice but to railroad you in order not for you to one-up them or drag down their position with you. The other 3 out of 10, well, chalk them up as people you're better off not knowing - and get good at using turnabout, which is absolutely fair play.

Chase

Michal's picture

Hmm, I came up with this too


Hmm, I came up with this too once when I realized my friend was not really a friend because she would totally ditch me on one outdoor party. Just have this small talk how everything is for 3 minutes and then talking to everyone else other than me whole night. I did not feel well that day, thing is, when I was recalling it back in my mind I realized I should have thought something like: "Well I thought we were good friends, obviously she just does not care a bit, is just polite. I will show her," Where the show part would be some kind of "revenge" like you mention here. She works as barista so the best way would really be to just find a girl and flirt with her right in front of her. Just to show her. But motivation would be just to make her feel bad that she turned me down which I dont think is cool and ok.

I dont really know how to do that "be likable among the group" part. I was always this follower type of person, I still am and I dont understand group dynamics. I usually end up in small talk with people and then it gets weird because we are not that close. Those are people I used to hang out but lost touch with and I am unable to get back to it because people grow and evolve. However, I met some new people and we might have an outing next week and I was just very lightheaded around them because there was no other way around it. Makes me think I am just social chameleon doing and behaving the way others do.

Also, my guess is this is doable over social media too? That you start to post photos of you having lots of fun, doing lots of cool stuff? I am not really into that but in my mind it goes like every 2-3 weeks a new photo and after couple of months she would be like "oh, he is having fun again, look at the dress this girl has... hmm." or "this guy is cute, is it his friend?" This makes me actually very insecure because I seem to have a plan how to deal with things like this but I cant execute. I dont have the skill or resources to do that. I helped a lot of people with their relationships with this kind of "ability" because they had what they needed, just did not know what to do it. And I am the opposite, know what to do but does not know how to. And if I learn how to, I become really unconscious, I am in my head and things blow up. But I would say I just need more experience.

Chase Amante's picture

Social Experience

Author

Michal-

Yes, you mainly just need more social experience, more social calibration, and a better feel for what works with what groups of people. I went through that too, where I just couldn't realistically take over most groups, be the charmer, do whatever I wanted socially, etc., even though I knew in certain cases this was what I needed to do. It's frustrating, but you just keep forcing yourself out socializing with that as a focus, and you get it down.

The social media is a big "maybe", depending on how close you and the girl are. e.g., if the two of you were lovers at some point and she was very much in love with you and is still hung up on you emotionally, this might be an effective tactic, because chances are she'll be checking your profile. If you haven't been lovers and she's treating you as some guy who's kind of just "there" in her life, even if you start posting up lots of pictures of you partying with a number of different girls there's a good chance she never notices. I had female friends I hung out with quite regularly who didn't know I wasn't on Facebook until I told them 6 months or a year after I left in 2009; I just wasn't someone they "checked up on" on the site. I'd stick to using that only with girls who had reasonably strong emotional attachments to you (usually sexual partners who got upset because they couldn't get commitment out of you, and now are in auto-rejection), if you use it at all for jealousy purposes. Better just to do things in real life if at all possible though.

Chase

Sam2's picture

Status Games With Cold Approach Women


Chase,

What if you encounter by accident women you met via cold approach, went on a few dates with them, made out, but not sex, and you simply lost your nerve and quit pursuing them? Absolutely no group/social circle involved.

Let's say, because you didn't get the compliance you wanted (sex) or because you refused to comply with unreasonable demands (i.e. she demanded that you pay always for everything).

Do you ignore her as punishment for her demands pretending you didn't even see her or do you talk to her in a nonchalant/teasing/self-amused way? Is there even a status game to be played in such cases?

Thank you

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Status Games With Cold Approach Women

Author

Sam-

I've only had this happen a few times myself (run into a girl you've cold approached and gotten somewhere with before, but not closed), mainly because I stick to big cities and travel a lot, so that lowers the odds of that happening, but when I have they've always recognized me first, and I've had a few genuine moments of, "Huh? Who?" until they jog my memory, and then it's, "Ohhhhhh! How are you?" and they answer back and they're really excited. It invariably ends with them insisting that we have to hang out soon, even if it didn't end so great between us before.

What I've found works best here is just asking the girl if she still has your number, and then telling her to text you when she's free sometime and you'll set something up. That way, if she does get in contact, she's in pursuit and you know she's interested. If she doesn't, you don't have to worry about her.

If they don't approach you, hard to say; I can't think of a situation where I was the first to notice a girl from the past, but I meet enough people that my life can be kind of a revolving door and my memory gets pretty frequent turnover. I suppose if it happened, and I noticed her first and she didn't seem to notice me, I'd just flash her a really warm smile and wave at her and nod my head a bit, and if she approached me, that'd be cool, and if not, that'd be cool too.

Chase

Sam2's picture

Thank you


Thank you, Chase, for your response.

The reaction you are suggesting is very warm and devil-may-care, despite things not having ended well. It shows zero bitterness. I will try to pick this attitude myself.

Thanks again for reminding me ;)

Jonas's picture

showing interest


Hello,
I took some of your advices about depression. It seems to help a little. I have a question about showing interest. You wrote in one post that you should show interest immediately and then dial it down. Why is that? I think I am overdoing it with showing that I like the girl and I found out that she is nicer and kinder if I am not that expressive in my face and just deal with her like with some cashier in supermarket. Some little polite smiles. And if she tries more, I smile more too. I think it is called "hard to get" technique I do. But is it safe? Does not that build wrong expectations for her? Like if we get together she may find out I am shitty person as I myself think and then leave me? It is not really intentional, I got burned in the past with showing interest and showing my feelings and I dont want to get burned again.

Thank you and have nice day.

Chase Amante's picture

Re: showing interest

Author

Jonas-

You generally want to show a little heavy interest early on to both screen out the girls who aren't interested in you, and pique the excitement of the ones who are and get them to lower their guards. You then dial it down to let the ones who are interested chase more (and the ones who are less interested but stick around become intrigued, and that intrigue can turn into attraction).

I'm not clear on why a girl would find you're a low quality person and leave once you get together, but if that's the case, you'll have to identify what that is and fix it. On "showing feelings", if you mean telling a girl things like you really like her, or something along those lines, that's usually not good for a relationship unless you are a <em>super</em> charming guy, because it makes you look emotionally vulnerable to her and lower status than her - women want men they have to chase, and convince to date them, not men who are chasing them and trying to convince them. If that's what you were doing before that led to you getting burned, check out these articles:

Chase

Johny's picture

Chase,another great article !


Chase,another great article ! The way you analyze social interactions is amazing...Have you studied phychology by any chance?

So, the reason i'm posting is because i'm confused. On one hand you advise that we should hang out with as many people of different cliques as possible , so as to expand our horizons, but on the other that we should be very discriminating about who we really involve in our lives because we tend to adopt the traits and mindsets of the people we are closer with.

How can we actually manage that?

I might hang out with the nerds for example, but you never get to know them unless you are one, same with athletes, hipsters and the rest. How can you be your own group and independent and at the same time hang out with these very closed cliques and not be just an acquaintance.

Also on being discriminating. Maybe it's because of the age (college) but the people i can easily hang out with and with who we can have an equal relationship where i respect them and want them to succeed and vice versa is a handful. Most are just stuck in their cliques, not supporting each other, putting each other down. being jealous, trying to seem dominant etc

What is the right stance here?
Hang out with just a few people who are high quality and respectful or also hang with others who are jealous, negatively impact my ego and try to change me/force me to adopt an identity-label?

I'd really appreciate your opinion.

Chase Amante's picture

Lower Level and Higher Level People

Author

Johny-

I find psychology an interesting topic, and have read quite a bit of the scientific literature on it and keep abreast of the latest research, as well as do my best to test out what I learn or hypothesize in my day-to-day interactions, but I'm not a trained academic psychologist, if that's what you mean. I think I had all of one class on psychology in university (though also a very thought-provoking social anthropology course too).

When you're actively working on expanding your reference points and upgrading your ability to socialize in social circle settings, you'll very often need to be less discriminating as to whom you keep company with. That's just the reality of leveling up there. However, as to whom you allow into the inner circles of your life, and who gets the lion's share of your socializing time outside of "practice", you need to be careful there, even when working hard on socializing a lot, since these people have such a big impact on your thoughts, opinions, and life direction.

You can "integrate" with groups the same way an anthropologist who works in the field integrates with, say, an Amazonian tribe, by going, participating in what rituals you can participate in, listening, and asking the occasional question. You avoid discussing your own opinions or talking about your world or life outside the group, which will be alien to them and cause them to view you as unlike them and "other." Instead, you just spend a little time hanging around as that funny guy who's not like us but not unlike us, and eventually they start to bring you in more and more and see you as one of them.

I'd suggest seeking out the higher level people of the different groups you're interested in assimilating with and spending time around them, not the lower level ones. When I was in school, for instance, I had the party guys, the frat guys, the "study-all-the-time" guys, and the ghetto guys, and I'd hang around mostly just the leaders of these groups, who would shield me from the pushiness and judgmentalness of the lower status individuals. The lower status individuals are constantly status jockeying and trying to get others to submit to them, as a means of using those individuals as rungs on the social ladder, but if you're friends with the higher status guys those guys will tell the lower status guys to knock it off and quit bothering you. You just don't go participate in things with those groups when one of the high status guys who likes you isn't around, because then the lower status guys will pile on trying to get you to submit and assume a low-ranking role in the group as a full member, instead of the "friend of the group" role you have as a sometimes-insider who hangs with the high status members. You make friends with the higher status guys by looking cool, seeming laid back and confident, and being a bit of a loner - they will approach you and court your friendship as a potential ally.

So long as you're steering clear of the lower level guys, and only mix with groups where a higher level friend shields you from the lower level guys' attempts to dominate you and force you to assimilate or get out of the group, you can weave between groups without facing pressure from the lower level guys to join up as their toadies or get out of the group.

Chase

Dogan's picture

Hİ CHASE


Chase ,
I haven't seen your answers to the readers for a long time here, İt is fantastic to see you are giving your time , writing in forum. :)
Cheers

Anonymous's picture

I know as I get more


I know as I get more experienced I'll improve on this, but how do I know when to increase tension/drag things out/play hard to get and when to make a move?

If I meet a girl at a party for the first time, should I try to get her alone as fast as possible? Should I throw myself on her once we are alone? How do I know if I should build more tension or make her want it more than I do? Would it ever be good to leave the room if it didn't seem like she wanted to hook up that much? I know you talk a lot about moving fast, but if you move fast and it's not enjoyable for her, don't you decrease the pleasure for the both of you and any chances of you hooking up again in the future?

Also, is it better to seduce a girl with an I could take it or leave it vibe or an I must have you because you are the sexiest thing I've ever seen vibe? (Assuming I have strong, sexy fundamentals already)

Anonymous's picture

I noticed a lot of hot girls


I noticed a lot of hot girls are dating younger guys. Any reason for this?

Anonymous's picture

Hey chase. I was wondering


Hey chase. I was wondering what I need to do to be better at conversing with people in groups and even groups in general? Like I'll be in a group of friends and i will chime in with a comment or ask a question and it's like I'm not even standing there and no one responds. Then I notice how some of my friends can say literally anything and everyone turns to his attention and answers him or converses with him. And input would be greatly appreciated.

Pablo's picture

Very helpfull


Great article like always, unbelievable that you keep writing top quality articles consistently.

Keep up the good work Chase!

Regards,
Pablo

Wes's picture

no mutual friends?


Hey Chase, I've been gone for a few weeks but i'm glad this post went up in my absence. I really needed this.
I have a question about situations similar to those described in this article but a little more specific because my lifestyle just so happens to be different.
What if the girl that is making things awkward is a girl you cold approached, have no immediate mutual friends with, and you still see her occasionally?
for example, a girl you continue to see at a small college campus.
You cold approached her one day, got her number, followed through with your process and got her home the same day but messed up somewhere in the escalation. You part each other on a good note and it seems like you two would still be friends but now whenever you see her on campus, she straight ignores you and continues walking as if she didn't just see you. (cruel and unnecessary right?)

I was thinking that maybe raising my own social status in her eyes would be the way to go. Y'know, walk past her with a really attractive girl with me. But, that also seems kinda douche-y and I can see it backfiring. She can end up thinking I'm a sleazy player.
Your advice about exchanging one sentence to her sounds like the way to go but is there anything else you would add to this specific situation.
I'm starting to realize that you're more socially calibrated than I thought and that you could probably handle most of my problems like you're dealing with kindergarteners.

Thanks in advance if I hear back from you. Keep up the good work.
Wes

Anonymous's picture

Does this apply to guys who


Does this apply to guys who shun you too (part of social situation)?

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