Sprezzatura, Effort, and Investing | Girls Chase

Sprezzatura, Effort, and Investing

Question from a reader named Sam yesterday:

Hi Chase,

Just wanted to say thanks for all the great advice and content you post here. Some of this stuff is pure gold because I have had a few "ah ha" moments, especially about the interchangeability of value and good feelings, and this I think will take my game to a better level. More importantly though, it has greatly increased my understanding of relationships, not because you didn't know this, but you "just couldn't put it into words".

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.

GET CHASE’S MASTERY PACKAGE

Get Your FREE eBook on Texting Girls

how to text girls pdf

Sign up for our email insights series and get a copy of our popular ebook "How to Text Girls" FREE. Learn more ...

Related Articles from GirlsChase.com

Comments

Sam's picture

Hi Chase,

I'm blown away by this article. Its one of those things that I knew was going on, understood it in my mind, but couldn't put it into words. It really is no wonder some of the VERY highly successful people simply shrug their shoulders and say "it was easy" when they are asked "how hard was it". I think this post is applicable to every part of life.

Lastly, thank you ever so much for ever so much for filling in the request. I greatly appreciate it. See, I made you invest which means you are now attracted to me.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey Sam, thanks very much for the props and you're quite welcome for the post. This is something I've heard people talk about in bits and pieces before but I haven't seen put together fully anywhere. It's one of my theoretical things I'm working on to contribute to the field of the social arts. It gets a lot more involved, but I'm slowly teasing it all out.

The cool thing is, effort stuff has applications just about everywhere, as you note. If you use the concept of effort-results to underpin your social interactions, you'll find you improve quite fast. It's effects end up being rather amazing when you're using it properly. It's a basic program running under the hood in human value calculations about nearly everything.

And, while effort doesn't necessarily lead to attraction, for sure man, I wrote this out on your suggestion -- so now, I suppose, I feel a bit more invested in you ;)

Cheers brother,
Chase

Ben's picture

I'm one of those guys who always felt like he was missing something. Objectively, I'm a pretty decent looking guy but I'm the typical nice guy and that doesn't really get me anywhere usually. I've been reading a lot of stuff on your site today and it's really making sense to me.

I have a background in psychology and sales and I can tell you that on both those levels there are a lot of parallels in your teachings. A lot of it is almost exactly the same stuff but applied to the ladies. I can honestly say this stuff makes sense and it's been tested in other fields like sales, and it works very well.

Good stuff, thanks for the advice!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey Ben,

Ah, no fun being the nice guy. Fortunately, if you're a nice guy, that means you're also probably a pretty decent human being which means, if you can force yourself to make the changes you need to make, once you've given yourself more of an edge you'll find it easier to transition to the top echelon of being a genuine guy than the guy who's a bit of an asshole by default will.

I actually come from a sales background myself (sold tires from 2001 - 2006; consistently one of the top salesman in the region), and I've long been somewhat of an armchair psychologist, so that's where a lot of the sales / psychology influence is seeping in from ;)

In any event, you're quite welcome, and hope you're able to start getting the edge you need to make some waves!

Best,
Chase

Cam's picture

Great post. I would often find myself when seeking out a girl, I would be quite bold sometimes. Then I would visually try my darnedest to fulfill that expectation unable to always achieve good results. I always try to think before I speak, but I wind up saying it in such a way that I even stumble over my words sometimes.

I have a question aside from that though. How might you take sprezzatura and translate it into a late night party situation to ensure you might get in? i.e. a group of guys and girls hanging outside the scene.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey Cam,

That's a cool question.

Sprezzatura-ing your way into after parties actually isn't uncommon, provided your dressed reasonably well and you've got cool conversation. When you seem chill and people in the group like you, you stand a good chance of getting invited in.

The most important part is usually making one strong, good connection off the bat. Find somebody cool, and get into an engaging conversation with that person. When it's time for him or her to go rejoin the party, she'll get you in.

I'd say about 80% of the time I've gone this route, the person's invited me in. A few times some cat I spent 10 or 15 minutes talking to didn't invite me into an exclusive party, which wasn't too cool of them, but most people will.

I might do a post on this at some point -- how to get into parties and after parties. Fun stuff though.

Chase

Cam's picture

Great. These situations generally happen at college. However, this question can apply to just about anywhere but mostly at clubs and the better college parties. For example, I am with a couple guys from my group and we decide we need some girls to take along with to a party. How might we approach a group of girls so that we can bring them along to "said" party? p.s. all girl schools are awesome.

David's picture

Hi Chase,

I've known this girl for nearly a year now. We used to text and flirt quite a bit. She had just finished up with her boyfriend of 2 and a half years. We met up at uni 5 or 6 times to study together etc but didn't actually date. I only ever gave her hugs when saying goodby, I found it hard to judge if she liked me that way. Anyway I went away travelling for two months in the summer and learned that she went back to her boyfriend. I was a bit gutted because I really liked her. I didn't contact her for 3 months. She split up with him a month ago and she contacted me again out of the blue on Facebook asking how things were etc. I played it cool at first but I was so happy she got back in touch and I asked her to go for lunch which she seemed really happy about. We went for lunch and it was great catching up however I started to feel more and more tense as the date was ending as we had never kissed only hugged before. As a result I gave her a rather cold hug and quickly walked away. She text me 10 minutes later asking if I was ok and why did I leave so quickly and I stupidly replied that I felt akward because we have nothing in common. I know in myself It was pent up frustration and fear of being rejected myself. Understandbly she wasn't happy. Anyway I text her two days later apologising and I admitted that it was the opposite of how I wanted to act and that I was actually quite shy around her. She forgave me and said I could talk to her about anything and that she has more respect for me than other guys she knows. A day or so later she text me to tell me something that she was only telling close friends and family and that she considered me a close friend.

My question is, am I friend zoned forever? The texts are few and far between now. I don't really just want to be friends but I also don't want to make a fool of myself. Any advice on how to proceed?

cheers

David

Anonymous's picture

What about guy sees girl, gives strong EC then waits till she comes to him? She does more often than not.

I've done that a few times, with girls I've 'known' who are into me.

What do you think about it? Is there any pitfalls with this?

Thanks
Nick

Katie's picture

Hi Nick!
Yes that might even work,she might run behind you ...or if she is shy she would search for opportunities to be close to you or to look into your eyes more often.......but if you start ``throwing in her face ``your sex achievements with HER OWN CLASSMATE ......that`s a TURN OFF .....nothing good trust me .If you tried to get her -now :FORget her!...you ``boys`` are so silly sometimes .
HAVE a woman who loves you without even knowing you well ,who dreams about you ,who looks at you like at the Prince ,who misses you on her holidays who even writes poems to you....who would cope with your other girlfriends as long as you keep them far FAAAAAR AWAY...HIDDEN!..but you don`t mind to hurt her like that.....?try to put yourself in HER shoes.....if you had to watch her kissing another guy right in front of you !!! Disgusting isn`t it ......I think I told you too much about my own problems Nick and it might make you slightly confused .....anyway - never ever do it to the girl you care about ....EC - works miracles :it`s like a sexual energy transfer....but follow up with your polyamory and you loose her BIIIIG TIME .... don`t forget -always respect your girl.Specially if she`s holding herself from loving you because of her difficult situation,not because she had doubts about you,or about her feelings for you.... she`s willing to make a sacrifice to ``let it go`` ....and she gets a ``wake up `` call.
That was a shaking awakening to me .....still cannot ,kind of,digest it.....I don`t get why you guys want to pretend you are a super man or macho man strong male sexy blablabla....do you think women don`t like a guy who is just simply caring loving SWEEEEET????.....what a silly thinking ...seriously.
Ahhh ....sorry for bothering you with my own staff but I needed to do some clean up in my heart and my brain .....maybe it will let me ``feel the air beneath my feet `` again.....
Good luck Nick!

Anonymous's picture

That's the coolest reply I've ever seen, you have the heart of a poet :)

Dont worry though I'm not into rubbing girls noses in it. I don't see the point in upsetting anyone. TBH I struggle with being direct as it hits my panic buttons.

I can be Manly, Strong, Sexy but I'm still Kind & Compassionate. It's not an either/or situation in my opinion.

You sound like your upset, be cool :)

Regards
Nick

Matt's picture

I love your articles, but the post above regarding "Effortlessness," I find contradictory.

I do not see how walking across a room and talking to a woman is "More work" than circling the entire room then lightly starting a conversation.

The second approach is very feminine while the first is masculine. Granted, the first is harder to pull off and takes more risk, and thus balls, but that's what masculinity and dominance are about.

In fact, walking over to the girl and starting a conversation is far more effortless than circling an entire room first. The only reason one wouldn't take the first approach is fear.

And if the more feminine approach is more successful, that's because most men are not capable of walking directly to a girl and starting a conversation - confidently. If they're nervous and afraid then of course the second "Safer" approach would yield better results.

Would it not be wiser to advise men to increase their confidence, and use the direct approach? Of course it's harder, it requires more confidence.

AR's picture

It isn't contradictory. And although walking around the room IS more work, if she doesn't know that you are after her it is seemingly effortless. It is more about how much effort you appear to put in, not how much you actually do.

Also, although the second approach is less masculine and ballsy, it doesn't give her that expectation of you being that way all the time and and is easier for most men. The second approach is one of the "faster and easier paths to success with women."

For your last question he's not saying one shouldn't increase his confidence, only that the sprezzatura approach gives you more leeway because it keeps her standards lower.

Anonymous's picture

I have to just echo what a few of the comments have said before mine really. Its one of those things that you know is going on, just look at some of your friends who are more successful with the ladies, but can never quite figure out or explain in any tangible kind of fashion.

I'm 25 and recently divorced (terrible I know) so ive kind of been re-learning a few of these things recently. In the past month ive been out a fair bit "trying" to meet new women. I'm not a particularly handsome guy and im a little skinny but the thing i seem to have going for me is that i don't try too hard.

I have a friend, really really good looking guy, beautiful face, big muscular body and a thouroughly nice person, he cant get a girl to go home with him. I pull the girls he fancies which if you were to look at the both of us you would really find hard to believe. The thing is when he approaches a girl he does the "bold" thing of trying to exude all his confidence and then kind of falters after the first few sentences and gives up, moves onto the next one in plain sight of everybody in the pub. Even a guy who looks like him suffers from appearing too keen on a regular basis.

When i first started dating girls again about a month ago, i met a very beautiful girl in the pub, added her on facebook and got her to meet me for a drink on a sunday afternoon. This girl was BEAUTIFUL so all of my "game" went out the window immediately after our first date, i sent her this awful gushing message on facebook about how lovely i thought she was, needless to say, not much has happened with her since and i will inevitably be friend zoned.

After her, i went on a couple of dates with some other girls who were all very nice, maybe not as strikingly beautiful as the first girl but still very attractive in their own right and because ive not been so bowled over by their looks ive managed to stay much cooler about everything with them and for this reason they're very interested in me.

In my case i think practice makes perfect and its all about not being too rusty. I was married for nearly 3 years and immediately going to meet girls, it was inevitable that i would need to polish my skills a little.

This article can help lots of people improve their chances with women and once you start putting stuff like this into practice, you realise that it isnt rocket science. Thank you and please keep up the absolutely brilliant writing.

Bob, Burnham-on-sea, England

Adrian's picture

On the surface, approaching and meeting new people (social butterflying) is a lot of work. How do you accomplish this while maintaining an air of sprezzatura?

Penguin's picture

Hey Chase,
There's a hot girl I'm planning on sleeping with. She was already in a relationship when I met her (which was recently) but by using your techniques she is starting to show chasing behaviour and even had a dream about me doing her XD.

This week she texted me at nighttime saying she was bored and lonely and asked me to come on Facebook or text her. I didn't want to dive in right away and be an entertainer, but at the same time I didn't want to risk her auto-rejecting if I didn't respond to that. It seemed like she was showing chasing behaviour which I should reward. I ended up playing it cool and waiting a while before casually appearing on Facebook chat. It was a good interaction (and I deployed some good chase frames). We were already scheduled to meet this weekend so I didn't arrange another get-together.

My question is: Did I do things the way you would have done them i.e. the correct way? :p
Or did I make it look like I was investing effort and complying with her.

This is the first time I've tried out your stuff and I'm amazed that it seems to work like magic a lot of the time. I wasn't expecting chase frames to have such a powerful effect. Once I've got some more experience using your stuff I'll undoubtably have an excellent testimonial to submit :).
Thanks

Dax's picture

movie: A fugitive kind

watch Marlon Brando in it...he shows how its done!

tph123's picture

Hi Chase.
I've been reading only your articles from 25 to 30 in a few weeks. I just have to say thank you. There hasn't been a single post which wasn't great.

Charlie's picture

This one hit home big time with me. I'm an investor/trader and I know already that Less is More and More is Less. You just opened my eyes up to that being the case with success with women as well. Thank you!

Caffeine's picture

In your article about the 4 types of girls... I'm always after the experienced women because they are easier to have multiple relationships with and faster too hook up...

my problem is that they are usually not willing to invest much and they are always skeptical especially at the beggining.

sometimes I even struggle to keep a conversation.

how should I deal with this?

The Promethean Man's picture

Chase, one caveat to the bold, straight-line approach.

Firstly, when I do this myself, if she maintains eye-contact I'll just go in straight for the make out. But I like setting the bold standard for myself so as to force me to be more consistent in my boldness.

But the biggie here is the power of first impressions. I can't tell you how many times I've made a bold or confident first impression with a woman only to blunder like an idiot afterwards, but still have her look at me with that doe-eyed expression of wonder.

First impressions last the longest. From my experience, it's totally fine to chill back afterwards so as not to intimidate the woman too much. She'll stay hooked for awhile.

Great post!

~http://theprometheanman.blogspot.com

ZveR's picture

I liked your other articles a lot, but this one seems faulty.

The man taking the long route and "stumbling upon" the girl does not demonstrate anything but having luck. Real success stems from personal qualities and requires INTENT. Yes, the effort/result ratio is good, but it is outside of the man's control. It is given to him by accident. Hence the girl cannot draw any conclusions about the man's qualities. He arrives as a blank slate.

However, the "direct guy" arrives in a dual state of self-assured/suicidal. As you mentioned, this is resolved to either side very quickly by the girl.

Which guy has a better chance of succeding, is not at all clear-cut.

Anonymous's picture

Hey Chase, good article. You seem to have a good understanding of social stuff. Just wanted to say thanks for the insight on the bold guy and the effect he has on women. Namely, the expectation he sets. Before reading this article, I had no idea my type (I am the bold guy.. least at first) creates a high standard within the women he's direct with. It's no wonder the girls who are blown away by it give up their numbers within seconds of meeting me, but only to lose interest immediately thereafter when I don't live up to the man I portrayed myself to be in that initial encounter. I had no idea they expected me to ALWAYS be bold. Now I know, and can't wait to see what happens when I take more huge risks, cause that's what being bold. Thanks again. Best.

Arainion's picture

Sensei...

maverick's picture

I guess I can say I was blessed with this natural sprezzatura. I had this attitude since I was in elementary school, but up until now I never understood this whole concept. It's just something I do naturally and it's who I am. I was always puzzled why so many people around me would constantly tell me I'm cool and awesome, when I'm usually so quiet and don't say or do much around people.

On the other hand, I never used this to my advantage in going after women. I had a big fear of getting rejected and never even tried. Even when women tried to engage me I usually brushed them off. Now that I understand some of these social dynamics I can take it up to the next level and actually use it to get women.

deadliftman's picture

this just goes along the lines of the standard pua advice of being indirect
but almost every successful puas we see today use direct bold approaches its more honest and less try hard - like the simple pickup guys
worrying about expanding the least effort is easily subscommunicated as fake unless ur really good at hiding ur ulterior motives
i am much better off being bold and polarizing
more rejection and more results at the same time

Richard's picture

I love the material - what an article! Never thought of this before, and I find it makes much sense.

Thanks for writting/sharing

Add new comment

The Latest from GirlsChase.com