Sprezzatura, Effort, and Investing


invest-in-woman.jpg

Question from a reader named Sam yesterday:

Hi Chase,

Just wanted to say thanks for all the great advice and content you post here. Some of this stuff is pure gold because I have had a few "ah ha" moments, especially about the interchangeability of value and good feelings, and this I think will take my game to a better level. More importantly though, it has greatly increased my understanding of relationships, not because you didn't know this, but you "just couldn't put it into words".

Another thing I learned here was that I was making the mistake of investment, but from what I have read here, there are a few things to fix here and there on this part. Can you please write up a comprehensive post on investment? (haven't come across one here yet) And some of the dos and don'ts of it. You did mention in one of your posts (chase framing post) your would write about "comprehensive investment / compliance post".

You probably hear a lot of praise, but I'm just putting it out there that this is indeed great stuff. I honestly do wish I had come across your site earlier. All in all, you now have a regular reader.

Investment's a great topic. It's one of those things that boggled the heck out of me early on, but it pays such incredible dividends in the end. Once you really get down a strong, solid gameplan for investment and you know what you're doing with it and you have your strategy for approaching investment in whatever situation, your interactions with women run so much more smoothly.

Of course... getting there, well, that's the challenging part.

What I want to focus on in this post is specifically answering Sam's question: how much should you be investing with women? Let's have a look at some of the dos, don'ts, and precisely why those dos and don'ts are dos and don'ts when it comes to a concept called sprezzatura, a close cousin of our Law of Least Effort.

It's a bit much to get your head around, but once you've got the concept you're going to start seeing social interactions in an entirely different way.



Sprezzatura, Investment, and the Law of Least Effort

Since I haven't talked about investment much in a while, let's have a quick refresher before diving in.

Investment is the amount of time and effort you spend on a girl. It's any kind of time and effort, really: everything from doing things for her physically, to spending time thinking about her and pining over her.

The way investment works is, the more you invest in someone (or something) else, the more invested you become, and the more your emotions tell you this someone or something else is important to you and needs to be held onto and retained.

The implications for doing well with women are, of course, twofold:

  • The more invested in you a woman is, the more attached to you she'll become, and the more likely she is to go along with what you want to do, and
  • The more invested in a woman you become, the more attached to her you'll become, and the more you're going to capitulate to what she asks you to do and work to not lose her.

Now, one of these is very good for succeeding with women. The other is rather detrimental to it.

The more invested in you women become, the more they want to be with you, and the more they're willing to do for you to maintain what they have with you. On the other hand, the more invested in a woman you become, the more you're going to shy away from taking bold action with her, the less aggressively you'll push things forward with her, and the more likely you are to do what she asks or tells you to do.

Women don't like pushovers. In fact, as discussed in yesterday's post "The Secret to Hooking Up with Friends," the more time and effort you've spent on a woman without sleeping together with her, the less likely you are to bed her (contrary to what you'll hear just about everywhere else).

Thus comes the Law of Least Effort, which states that the more you can achieve while appearing to put in less effort, the more attractive, powerful, and "cool" you are perceived as.

In other words, what the Law of Least Effort is saying is, the more investment you get while giving as little investment as possible, the more desirable you seem to women and the stronger you seem to men.

The Law of Least Effort is why kings sit on the throne while everyone else comes to them and stands and kneels. The Law of Least Effort is why women chase after rock stars and the band members have someone else pick out the prettiest ones and bring them to their rooms. The Law of Least Effort is why the male lion takes a nap all day and the females go out to hunt and bring him food and come to him to mate.

The weak man flails his arms about wildly and rushes from place to place and accomplishes little. The strong man waves a hand and his will is done.

Women like strong men. Check that – women love strong men. But without a solid understanding of the dynamics of investment and effort, most men's efforts to be perceived as strong are shots in the dark.

That's why you see so many guys trying to be strong by tooling others. They do okay, until they run into a guy who understands investment and effort, and he obliterates them. When a guy makes a dumb comment or tries to belittle you, and you glance at him casually and skeptically and a slight smile spreads slowly across your lips as if he's just said something cute like what a little boy might say, then you turn your head casually back to resume doing or saying whatever you were doing or saying before his attempt to put you down, you've just... blown him out of the water.

Effortlessly.

Because he invested a great deal to put you on the defensive, but his efforts fell flat. He's on the suboptimal part of the effort diagram: he's invested much, but gained little in return.

Actually, I whipped up a chart just for this post. Here it is:

effort-and-investment.jpg

Makes sense when you think about it, doesn't it?

But how often have you ever thought about this before?

This is one of those core, core aspects of human socializing and fundamentals that no one knows, and no one ever talks about. The man I mentored under early on in my studies of the social arts discusses a similar concept called sprezzatura, defined as "studied carelessness."

I call it the Law of Least Effort.

Whatever name you prefer, the end result is the same: if you're visibly expending a lot of effort while getting little in return, you're a bit of a joker to people; no one takes you seriously.

If on the other hand you're putting out very little visible effort, but getting a lot of returns, people stare at you in awe and call you cool, awesome, powerful, sexy. Charming. Amazing.

The other two are the guys who don't do anything – the unknowns – and the guys who work hard and get returns – the peasants.

That's the main thrust behind the Law of Least Effort. Most guys out there are jesters. We want you to be a king.

But how, exactly, do you get there?



"Studied Carelessness"

Notice that when we talk about sprezzatura, and when we talk about the Law of Least Effort, what we're actually talking about is putting in less visible effort. In other words, it's all about the appearance of being effortless.

To get to that point, you may very well have to work yourself to the bone, though.

Cultivating an appearance of studied carelessness – of effortlessness – is no small feat. It entails an understanding of social dynamics that few people ever come to possess. And it entails mastering the ability to get people to do what you want without having to expend much effort.

That's two things right there that are essential to it. They are:

  • Learning to understand people very well, and
  • Learning how to compel people to do what you want them to do very well.

Both, for obvious reasons, are essential to being a talented seducer and ladies man, so you're going to end up working hard to master both of those anyway. But you should also be seeking, as you learn them better and better, to incorporate their lessons into your presence and presentation; you should seek to minimize the visible effort you put in while maximizing your returns.

Let's take this out of abstraction and look at an example so you can start seeing what I mean.

Example Part 1

A man sees a woman across the room. He locks eyes with her, turns to face her fully, and strides across the room directly toward her. When he reaches her, he faces her fully and introduces himself.

Example Part 2

A man sees a woman across the room. He feigns not noticing her, then talks to someone nearby him. Several minutes later, he strikes off, taking a circuitous route around the room, until he comes nearby to her. He acts as if he's just noticed her, and casually nudges her arm, getting her attention. She looks at him first; he turns to face her a bit and locks eyes with her, and introduces himself.

Of those two men, which would you say the woman felt more attraction to?

Well, she probably thought the first guy was quite bold. But consider this: now that she has this expectation of him being this incredibly bold man, for walking across the room zeroed in on her, if he's anything less than incredibly bold and direct, do you think it'll work?

Well... not really, it won't, no. He needs to be on fire, or be so accustomed to incredible boldness that it's simply the way he always is. There are a few men who can do that consistently – but most men can't. And reaching that level of consistent boldness, while a noble goal, is incredibly difficult. You can do it, but there are faster and easier paths to success with women.

The second man in our example, everything seems so casual and natural and effortless. The woman isn't going to expect him to be incredibly bold. But if he is, she'll be still more impressed. And if he isn't, if he's still cool and in-control, she's going to be attracted. Because, from her perspective, he's put in very little effort to get to know her, but he does a good job of it anyway.

That first guy put a lot of effort in, so he's going to be held to a much higher standard for results. If his results don't go above his already large outlay of effort, he's going to look tryhard.

The second guy is held to a lesser standard for results since he put less effort in. That means that even if he doesn't get quite the results the bold guy does, comparatively he's going to appear more attractive, and women will be more willing to do something with him.

This isn't speculation. This is rigorously tested. I've done the "walk across the room and boldly open" thing a number of times. You get strong reactions out of it; women either really dig it, or they're very dismissive. The ones that dig it though, if you don't move incredibly strongly and boldly with them right away, you lose them fast.

Needless to say, I usually go the sprezzatura route and go for effortlessness. It means that even if I'm a little off, I still have a decent shot of moving things forward. You don't have to be perfect when you're visibly expending little effort.

The funny thing is, the guy who navigates around the room to casually open a girl, when you think about it, he's actually expending more actual effort than the guy who just straight-lines it for the girl. But it isn't about actual effort – it's about the appearance of effort.

The king may be crunching inordinate amounts of numbers in his head and stressing like crazy over how to get the population what they want and not incite rebellion and how to manage the drama going on between his wife and his head concubine, and he may be putting in late nights planning and strategizing and figuring it all out.

But when people come before him on the throne, he only sits there calmly and gives them orders.

He's the hardest working man in the kingdom. But he creates the appearance of achieving all the results he achieves on the expenditure of little effort, and it makes him seem all the more powerful.



Finding the Right Balance

Before you go thinking you want to invest nothing, keep this in mind: you must invest at least a little to achieve results.

The king still has to open his mouth and speak for his will to be done.

The challenge to sprezzatura is finding the right line to walk to generate the results you want to generate without putting in too much visible effort.

Some suggestions:

  • Keep correspondence with women short, direct, and to-the-point; use it primarily to arrange face-to-face meetings.
  • Master the arts of deep diving and conversation to get women talking a great deal while speaking sparingly yourself.
  • Learn to move slowly and regally; powerful men don't jerk around or move much. Strong men have abundant levels of stillness.
  • Learn the right voice tone for giving commands. You'll often want to raise your voice at the end of a command, as if it were a question, without actually making it a question. This raises buy-in substantially and eliminates much of the chance a woman resents you for giving her a command (more common with Western women).
  • Learn to respond to jokes or insults with subtle facial expressions instead of verbal responses. In fact, learn to respond to many things that don't necessarily need a verbal contribution with expressions instead.
  • Talk slowly and use lots of pauses. Powerful men don't speed through their conversation; they take their time to make a point.

Once you have those down fairly well, you'll notice you start getting greater and greater returns on lower and lower amounts of visible effort. You may still be expending a greater degree of actual effort, processing everything and learning new behavioral patterns. But the cool part about it is, once you've learned it, it becomes second nature – then, socializing does become truly effortless.

When it reaches the point where it's easy and natural and it just flows, and all you have to do is start talking to girls and things just work and they somehow just end up in your bed... that's when you know you've made it.

Sprezzatura. Just remember you want to be the king – leave being the jester to all the other guys out there.

Chase Amante

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Comments

Sam's picture

Hi Chase, I'm blown away by


Hi Chase,

I'm blown away by this article. Its one of those things that I knew was going on, understood it in my mind, but couldn't put it into words. It really is no wonder some of the VERY highly successful people simply shrug their shoulders and say "it was easy" when they are asked "how hard was it". I think this post is applicable to every part of life.

Lastly, thank you ever so much for ever so much for filling in the request. I greatly appreciate it. See, I made you invest which means you are now attracted to me.

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Hi Chase, I'm blown away by

Author

Hey Sam, thanks very much for the props and you're quite welcome for the post. This is something I've heard people talk about in bits and pieces before but I haven't seen put together fully anywhere. It's one of my theoretical things I'm working on to contribute to the field of the social arts. It gets a lot more involved, but I'm slowly teasing it all out.

The cool thing is, effort stuff has applications just about everywhere, as you note. If you use the concept of effort-results to underpin your social interactions, you'll find you improve quite fast. It's effects end up being rather amazing when you're using it properly. It's a basic program running under the hood in human value calculations about nearly everything.

And, while effort doesn't necessarily lead to attraction, for sure man, I wrote this out on your suggestion -- so now, I suppose, I feel a bit more invested in you ;)

Cheers brother,
Chase

Ben's picture

Good stuff


I'm one of those guys who always felt like he was missing something. Objectively, I'm a pretty decent looking guy but I'm the typical nice guy and that doesn't really get me anywhere usually. I've been reading a lot of stuff on your site today and it's really making sense to me.

I have a background in psychology and sales and I can tell you that on both those levels there are a lot of parallels in your teachings. A lot of it is almost exactly the same stuff but applied to the ladies. I can honestly say this stuff makes sense and it's been tested in other fields like sales, and it works very well.

Good stuff, thanks for the advice!

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Good stuff

Author

Hey Ben,

Ah, no fun being the nice guy. Fortunately, if you're a nice guy, that means you're also probably a pretty decent human being which means, if you can force yourself to make the changes you need to make, once you've given yourself more of an edge you'll find it easier to transition to the top echelon of being a genuine guy than the guy who's a bit of an asshole by default will.

I actually come from a sales background myself (sold tires from 2001 - 2006; consistently one of the top salesman in the region), and I've long been somewhat of an armchair psychologist, so that's where a lot of the sales / psychology influence is seeping in from ;)

In any event, you're quite welcome, and hope you're able to start getting the edge you need to make some waves!

Best,
Chase

Cam's picture

Great post. I would often


Great post. I would often find myself when seeking out a girl, I would be quite bold sometimes. Then I would visually try my darnedest to fulfill that expectation unable to always achieve good results. I always try to think before I speak, but I wind up saying it in such a way that I even stumble over my words sometimes.

I have a question aside from that though. How might you take sprezzatura and translate it into a late night party situation to ensure you might get in? i.e. a group of guys and girls hanging outside the scene.

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Sprezzatura and the after party

Author

Hey Cam,

That's a cool question.

Sprezzatura-ing your way into after parties actually isn't uncommon, provided your dressed reasonably well and you've got cool conversation. When you seem chill and people in the group like you, you stand a good chance of getting invited in.

The most important part is usually making one strong, good connection off the bat. Find somebody cool, and get into an engaging conversation with that person. When it's time for him or her to go rejoin the party, she'll get you in.

I'd say about 80% of the time I've gone this route, the person's invited me in. A few times some cat I spent 10 or 15 minutes talking to didn't invite me into an exclusive party, which wasn't too cool of them, but most people will.

I might do a post on this at some point -- how to get into parties and after parties. Fun stuff though.

Chase

Cam's picture

Great. These situations


Great. These situations generally happen at college. However, this question can apply to just about anywhere but mostly at clubs and the better college parties. For example, I am with a couple guys from my group and we decide we need some girls to take along with to a party. How might we approach a group of girls so that we can bring them along to "said" party? p.s. all girl schools are awesome.

David's picture

Just Friends?


Hi Chase,

I've known this girl for nearly a year now. We used to text and flirt quite a bit. She had just finished up with her boyfriend of 2 and a half years. We met up at uni 5 or 6 times to study together etc but didn't actually date. I only ever gave her hugs when saying goodby, I found it hard to judge if she liked me that way. Anyway I went away travelling for two months in the summer and learned that she went back to her boyfriend. I was a bit gutted because I really liked her. I didn't contact her for 3 months. She split up with him a month ago and she contacted me again out of the blue on Facebook asking how things were etc. I played it cool at first but I was so happy she got back in touch and I asked her to go for lunch which she seemed really happy about. We went for lunch and it was great catching up however I started to feel more and more tense as the date was ending as we had never kissed only hugged before. As a result I gave her a rather cold hug and quickly walked away. She text me 10 minutes later asking if I was ok and why did I leave so quickly and I stupidly replied that I felt akward because we have nothing in common. I know in myself It was pent up frustration and fear of being rejected myself. Understandbly she wasn't happy. Anyway I text her two days later apologising and I admitted that it was the opposite of how I wanted to act and that I was actually quite shy around her. She forgave me and said I could talk to her about anything and that she has more respect for me than other guys she knows. A day or so later she text me to tell me something that she was only telling close friends and family and that she considered me a close friend.

My question is, am I friend zoned forever? The texts are few and far between now. I don't really just want to be friends but I also don't want to make a fool of myself. Any advice on how to proceed?

cheers

David

Anonymous's picture

3rd Option?


What about guy sees girl, gives strong EC then waits till she comes to him? She does more often than not.

I've done that a few times, with girls I've 'known' who are into me.

What do you think about it? Is there any pitfalls with this?

Thanks
Nick

Katie's picture

Hi Nick! Yes that might even


Hi Nick!
Yes that might even work,she might run behind you ...or if she is shy she would search for opportunities to be close to you or to look into your eyes more often.......but if you start ``throwing in her face ``your sex achievements with HER OWN CLASSMATE ......that`s a TURN OFF .....nothing good trust me .If you tried to get her -now :FORget her!...you ``boys`` are so silly sometimes .
HAVE a woman who loves you without even knowing you well ,who dreams about you ,who looks at you like at the Prince ,who misses you on her holidays who even writes poems to you....who would cope with your other girlfriends as long as you keep them far FAAAAAR AWAY...HIDDEN!..but you don`t mind to hurt her like that.....?try to put yourself in HER shoes.....if you had to watch her kissing another guy right in front of you !!! Disgusting isn`t it ......I think I told you too much about my own problems Nick and it might make you slightly confused .....anyway - never ever do it to the girl you care about ....EC - works miracles :it`s like a sexual energy transfer....but follow up with your polyamory and you loose her BIIIIG TIME .... don`t forget -always respect your girl.Specially if she`s holding herself from loving you because of her difficult situation,not because she had doubts about you,or about her feelings for you.... she`s willing to make a sacrifice to ``let it go`` ....and she gets a ``wake up `` call.
That was a shaking awakening to me .....still cannot ,kind of,digest it.....I don`t get why you guys want to pretend you are a super man or macho man strong male sexy blablabla....do you think women don`t like a guy who is just simply caring loving SWEEEEET????.....what a silly thinking ...seriously.
Ahhh ....sorry for bothering you with my own staff but I needed to do some clean up in my heart and my brain .....maybe it will let me ``feel the air beneath my feet `` again.....
Good luck Nick!

Anonymous's picture

:)


That's the coolest reply I've ever seen, you have the heart of a poet :)

Dont worry though I'm not into rubbing girls noses in it. I don't see the point in upsetting anyone. TBH I struggle with being direct as it hits my panic buttons.

I can be Manly, Strong, Sexy but I'm still Kind & Compassionate. It's not an either/or situation in my opinion.

You sound like your upset, be cool :)

Regards
Nick

Matt's picture

More masculine approach is better


I love your articles, but the post above regarding "Effortlessness," I find contradictory.

I do not see how walking across a room and talking to a woman is "More work" than circling the entire room then lightly starting a conversation.

The second approach is very feminine while the first is masculine. Granted, the first is harder to pull off and takes more risk, and thus balls, but that's what masculinity and dominance are about.

In fact, walking over to the girl and starting a conversation is far more effortless than circling an entire room first. The only reason one wouldn't take the first approach is fear.

And if the more feminine approach is more successful, that's because most men are not capable of walking directly to a girl and starting a conversation - confidently. If they're nervous and afraid then of course the second "Safer" approach would yield better results.

Would it not be wiser to advise men to increase their confidence, and use the direct approach? Of course it's harder, it requires more confidence.

AR's picture

It isn't contradictory. And


It isn't contradictory. And although walking around the room IS more work, if she doesn't know that you are after her it is seemingly effortless. It is more about how much effort you appear to put in, not how much you actually do.

Also, although the second approach is less masculine and ballsy, it doesn't give her that expectation of you being that way all the time and and is easier for most men. The second approach is one of the "faster and easier paths to success with women."

For your last question he's not saying one shouldn't increase his confidence, only that the sprezzatura approach gives you more leeway because it keeps her standards lower.

Anonymous's picture

awesome site, awesome article, well done!


I have to just echo what a few of the comments have said before mine really. Its one of those things that you know is going on, just look at some of your friends who are more successful with the ladies, but can never quite figure out or explain in any tangible kind of fashion.

I'm 25 and recently divorced (terrible I know) so ive kind of been re-learning a few of these things recently. In the past month ive been out a fair bit "trying" to meet new women. I'm not a particularly handsome guy and im a little skinny but the thing i seem to have going for me is that i don't try too hard.

I have a friend, really really good looking guy, beautiful face, big muscular body and a thouroughly nice person, he cant get a girl to go home with him. I pull the girls he fancies which if you were to look at the both of us you would really find hard to believe. The thing is when he approaches a girl he does the "bold" thing of trying to exude all his confidence and then kind of falters after the first few sentences and gives up, moves onto the next one in plain sight of everybody in the pub. Even a guy who looks like him suffers from appearing too keen on a regular basis.

When i first started dating girls again about a month ago, i met a very beautiful girl in the pub, added her on facebook and got her to meet me for a drink on a sunday afternoon. This girl was BEAUTIFUL so all of my "game" went out the window immediately after our first date, i sent her this awful gushing message on facebook about how lovely i thought she was, needless to say, not much has happened with her since and i will inevitably be friend zoned.

After her, i went on a couple of dates with some other girls who were all very nice, maybe not as strikingly beautiful as the first girl but still very attractive in their own right and because ive not been so bowled over by their looks ive managed to stay much cooler about everything with them and for this reason they're very interested in me.

In my case i think practice makes perfect and its all about not being too rusty. I was married for nearly 3 years and immediately going to meet girls, it was inevitable that i would need to polish my skills a little.

This article can help lots of people improve their chances with women and once you start putting stuff like this into practice, you realise that it isnt rocket science. Thank you and please keep up the absolutely brilliant writing.

Bob, Burnham-on-sea, England

Adrian's picture

Meeting new people


On the surface, approaching and meeting new people (social butterflying) is a lot of work. How do you accomplish this while maintaining an air of sprezzatura?

Penguin's picture

Did I get it right?


Hey Chase,
There's a hot girl I'm planning on sleeping with. She was already in a relationship when I met her (which was recently) but by using your techniques she is starting to show chasing behaviour and even had a dream about me doing her XD.

This week she texted me at nighttime saying she was bored and lonely and asked me to come on Facebook or text her. I didn't want to dive in right away and be an entertainer, but at the same time I didn't want to risk her auto-rejecting if I didn't respond to that. It seemed like she was showing chasing behaviour which I should reward. I ended up playing it cool and waiting a while before casually appearing on Facebook chat. It was a good interaction (and I deployed some good chase frames). We were already scheduled to meet this weekend so I didn't arrange another get-together.

My question is: Did I do things the way you would have done them i.e. the correct way? :p
Or did I make it look like I was investing effort and complying with her.

This is the first time I've tried out your stuff and I'm amazed that it seems to work like magic a lot of the time. I wasn't expecting chase frames to have such a powerful effect. Once I've got some more experience using your stuff I'll undoubtably have an excellent testimonial to submit :).
Thanks

Dax's picture

movie: A fugitive kind watch


movie: A fugitive kind

watch Marlon Brando in it...he shows how its done!

tph123's picture

Hi Chase. I've been reading


Hi Chase.
I've been reading only your articles from 25 to 30 in a few weeks. I just have to say thank you. There hasn't been a single post which wasn't great.

Charlie's picture

Wow


This one hit home big time with me. I'm an investor/trader and I know already that Less is More and More is Less. You just opened my eyes up to that being the case with success with women as well. Thank you!

Caffeine's picture

when she's less invested


In your article about the 4 types of girls... I'm always after the experienced women because they are easier to have multiple relationships with and faster too hook up...

my problem is that they are usually not willing to invest much and they are always skeptical especially at the beggining.

sometimes I even struggle to keep a conversation.

how should I deal with this?

The Promethean Man's picture

Chase, one caveat to the


Chase, one caveat to the bold, straight-line approach.

Firstly, when I do this myself, if she maintains eye-contact I'll just go in straight for the make out. But I like setting the bold standard for myself so as to force me to be more consistent in my boldness.

But the biggie here is the power of first impressions. I can't tell you how many times I've made a bold or confident first impression with a woman only to blunder like an idiot afterwards, but still have her look at me with that doe-eyed expression of wonder.

First impressions last the longest. From my experience, it's totally fine to chill back afterwards so as not to intimidate the woman too much. She'll stay hooked for awhile.

Great post!

~http://theprometheanman.blogspot.com

ZveR's picture

I liked your other articles a


I liked your other articles a lot, but this one seems faulty.

The man taking the long route and "stumbling upon" the girl does not demonstrate anything but having luck. Real success stems from personal qualities and requires INTENT. Yes, the effort/result ratio is good, but it is outside of the man's control. It is given to him by accident. Hence the girl cannot draw any conclusions about the man's qualities. He arrives as a blank slate.

However, the "direct guy" arrives in a dual state of self-assured/suicidal. As you mentioned, this is resolved to either side very quickly by the girl.

Which guy has a better chance of succeding, is not at all clear-cut.

Anonymous's picture

The Bold Guy


Hey Chase, good article. You seem to have a good understanding of social stuff. Just wanted to say thanks for the insight on the bold guy and the effect he has on women. Namely, the expectation he sets. Before reading this article, I had no idea my type (I am the bold guy.. least at first) creates a high standard within the women he's direct with. It's no wonder the girls who are blown away by it give up their numbers within seconds of meeting me, but only to lose interest immediately thereafter when I don't live up to the man I portrayed myself to be in that initial encounter. I had no idea they expected me to ALWAYS be bold. Now I know, and can't wait to see what happens when I take more huge risks, cause that's what being bold. Thanks again. Best.

Arainion's picture

Sensei...


Sensei...

maverick's picture

I guess I can say I was


I guess I can say I was blessed with this natural sprezzatura. I had this attitude since I was in elementary school, but up until now I never understood this whole concept. It's just something I do naturally and it's who I am. I was always puzzled why so many people around me would constantly tell me I'm cool and awesome, when I'm usually so quiet and don't say or do much around people.

On the other hand, I never used this to my advantage in going after women. I had a big fear of getting rejected and never even tried. Even when women tried to engage me I usually brushed them off. Now that I understand some of these social dynamics I can take it up to the next level and actually use it to get women.

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