Remember that girl you dated in high school? You know, that really cute one with the seductive laugh who hemmed you all up and then started acting like a complete loony bird?
If you’ve been out of the house much, I’m sure that rings true for many a woman that you’ve dated or maybe even ended up in a relationship with.
A study published in the Archives of General Psychiatry on “Mental Health of College Students and Their Non–College-Attending Peers” found that 1 in 5 young adults have a personality disorder, based on interviews with 5,092 persons aged 19 to 25 in 2001 and 2002.
So, crazy people are everywhere. You’re probably wondering: how do you spot them before you get involved with them? And more importantly, how do know when you’re dating one of these crazy girls?
Well my good friend, wonder no more. What follows this brief introduction will serve you well as a complete guide to detecting those mad as a March hare, no matter how well they think they cover it up.
Crazy Girls, Red Flags
You’ve heard this term before: the warning that tells of approaching danger. In this follow up to Chase’s “8 Red Flags She’s a Crazy Girl You Should Stay Away From”, I’m going to swiftly, yet thoroughly, run through my own top 9 red flags you need to spot before getting too involved with that charming little gal you’ve met.
Let’s start with some of the more small-time tip-offs.
Red Flag #1: Doesn’t own a smartphone
Okay, I told you the first couple would seem pretty insignificant, didn’t I?
But actually, this one might be a bit more salient than you think.
I can’t think of anything worse than hooking up with a girl who can’t operate simple tech devices. I fix my grandmother’s computer enough as it is. Forget about the fact that her email asks if you wore a condom (you didn’t) and whether or not she should go pick up some Plan B (she should), instead, you should be concerned about the AOL email address she’s sending it from.
Might as well forget about checking your fantasy football standings at her house (she’s still on dial-up), and you can say goodbye to your go-to soft porn DVDs that you use to spice things up (she’s rocking a VHS player).
Although this was more of an attempt at humor than an actual warning sign, if I found out a girl didn’t have a smart phone… I’d probably just delete her number. Maybe this is more valid than I originally thought. So, there you have it. Red Flag #1 is “Doesn’t own a smartphone”.
Red Flag #2: Has multiple cats
Beware the crazy cat lady! I’d even caution that one cat is 100% a red flag. Why’s that, you ask? A woman who gets a cat generally does so to fulfill a desire for a companion, allowing her to remain detached from human relationships.
If you like cats, that’s completely fine. I actually don’t mind them. But when a girl has two or three or more of them… well that causes a bit of concern for me. Not only is the copious animal hoarding of multiple cat owners likely a sign of some sort of personality disorder, but who really wants boxes of crap in their house anyway?
Red Flag #3: Been cheated on constantly
Maybe she’s just been a victim of bad luck or just plagued by her taste in alpha males who tend to be polyamorous by nature. But, maybe she’s crazy. Maybe she’s horrible in bed or emotionally cold and distant.
A lot of men will cheat on their lovers anyway, but if it’s happening to her time and time again then it is fair to believe that there’s more than meets the eye. Steer yourself clear of women who can’t keep a man, because there’s usually a (very good) reason for it.
Red Flag #4: Doesn’t have any cool, attractive friends
Well, first things first: you can trash the whole threesome idea. Seriously though, if a girl doesn’t have any dateable friends, it says much more about her than it does her friends. Does she lack self-confidence? Is she paranoid that hotter friends would bring more female competition? Or maybe she’s just a bitch?
Trust me, you’re better off not sticking around to find out.
My reasoning here is that people tend to surround themselves with like-valued people. If a girl seems attractive and socially adept, then why does she hang out with these not-so-attractive, not-so-socially adept people?
Maybe you should worry about what she has inside that you haven’t seen yet. Attractive people with severe character flaws are all over the place, and you can usually find them around either other good-looking/crazy types or milking the social value out of perfectly sane people who might just happen to be a little lower on the totem pole, socially speaking.
Red Flag #5: Interested in [your] money
We’re starting to get into the heavy-hitters now. A huge thing to be wary of is a woman who seems overly interested in your career and how much money you make and spend. Of course a girl should be concerned about your financial stability if she views you as a potential long-term partner. However, a lot of girls just want some free jewelry or clothes.
Girls who gold-dig have a sense of entitlement. They feel like they deserve to be treated well by default, and that includes knowing that someone is willing to spoil them and spend money on them. Women like this suffer from a host of narcissistic symptoms and behaviors, such as:
- Grandiose sense of self-importance
- Fantasies of unrealistic success, power, or beauty
- Believe they are “special” and should only associate with high-status people
- Lack empathy
- Need excessive admiration
- Often envious of others while believing others to be envious of them
So, as you can see, this is a big one. Women that have one eye on your wallet, have the other eye on your neck. They’re also very often sociopaths, who will do whatever they have to (even if it means hurting people) to get what they desire.
Red Flag #6: She’s a Drama Queen
All women need social interaction, feedback, and validation of their worth in a relationship. However, the Drama Queen takes this to heightened levels with her low self-esteem, low self-confidence, and unreasonable insecurities.
To compensate for those feelings of lowliness, the Drama Queen spends a large portion of her life manufacturing situations in which she can become the center of attention.
Drama Queens wear you down. She might be beautiful and exciting at first, but dealing with one dramatic episode after the next will take a toll on you. Drama Queens are a lot like (late comedian Mitch Hedberg’s explanation of) pancakes: “All exciting at first, but by the end you’re [f*ckin] sick of ‘em”.
These women are masters of manipulation and often suffer from some sort of borderline personality disorder. Their relationships with other people are unstable and they don’t have a real identity. The constant moods swings – on the war path one minute and fine the next – along with their general immaturity, is tough to put up with, no matter how pretty she is or how good she is in bed.
All in all, dating a Drama Queen is just going to put a lot on your plate. You’re constantly doing damage control, helping her through some made-up catastrophic life event, or comforting her through a mysterious illness at the seemingly most inconvenient times. Don’t do it.
Red Flag #7: Does hard drugs
Sure, dating a stripper can be fun. But does she bang heroin and snort coke? Prison tattoo on her ass? Blowing bong hits in the cat’s face?
Some of this stuff is less harmful, such as marijuana, of course. But people who become dependent on hard drugs and narcotics are another matter. They hurt their spouses and children, destroy relationships, and most who become addicted can never quit.
I’m not an anti-drug crusader by any means, and have dabbled in some of this recreationally at some point in my life. I’m not one to judge. But judging people isn’t the issue here; avoiding being trapped in a relationship with an unstable female is.
Also, who wants the cops busting you for your girl’s dope or paraphernalia that she left in the console of your car? Then add in the fact that addicts will often perform sex acts as a form of payment for their drug of choice, and it gets pretty scary.
Red Flag #8: She uses “no sex” as a form of punishment
One of the things that we learn as we become better seducers, is that the power of sex that women can yield lessens more and more as we become better, sexier men. However, if you’re going to enter a relationship with a woman (and keep it monogamous too), then she will regain quite a bit of this power.
For the women who refuse sex as a means of punishment for their husband or lover, there’s a major question mark around their appreciation for sex, as well as their overall personality. It’s a scary proposition, isn’t it? A woman who withholds sex from a man as a means of punishing him is all about control. Her passive aggression is just a way of expressing anger. Not to mention, they hooked you in with sincerity and now they’re cutting you off? No way.
The only way to survive a sexless relationship is to get the heck out of it. Tell her to take her damaged self-image, shame, and unhealthy beliefs, and hit the trail. Being in a relationship with a woman who withholds sex will damage you in ways you never thought possible. It makes you feel powerless, sexually undesirable, unattractive, and with enough time and repeated rejection, you’ll succumb to self-fulfilling prophecies so bad that you’ll need therapy to help you move on.
Red Flag #9: Potential Stalker
When you think of a stalker, you probably picture some creepy guy watching some woman change clothes through her bedroom window with a pair of binoculars. But the truth is that women are just as likely to stalk as men are, and you need to be on the lookout for the warning signs.
This is the most dangerous of the red flags. A woman who is stalking you may mean harm to you. How do you realize a potential stalker in the making? This can prove to be rather difficult, as a woman with stalker tendencies will usually have a fairly innocuous profile. After all, she has to fly under the radar.
Does she call or text you 20 times a day or more, and get upset if you don’t respond immediately? Does she clutter your Facebook timeline with love poems and .jpeg images of happy couples kissing under a waterfall? Does she miraculously appear in various places whenever you step out your front door? Things like this may be a little flattering at first, but they are cause for worry.
Similar to a gold-digger, there’s a list of traits for you to observe:
- Plays immature games
- Has been unable to stay in intimate relationships
- Is very needy and dependent
- Poorly calibrated socially
- Is unreasonably jealous
- Insecure/low self-esteem
- May have a criminal history
- Possible drug or alcohol abuse
Women who stalk have been found to actually be more persistent than male stalkers, given the motivations (obsessive thoughts about relationships versus simply attraction or sex), so they can be especially dangerous.
Not only are stalkers potentially harmful to you, but overall they’re just a drag. How would you feel if you were out on a nice dinner date with some lovely brown-eyed beauty, only to have some crazed former love interest storm into the restaurant and cause a scene? It’s happened to me, and it’s certainly not a pretty sight to behold.
The Checkered Flag
If you’re reading this, then you have successfully made it through my own personal list of red flags to look for when I begin dating a new girl. If she checks off even one of these boxes, she’s a goner.
There’re quite a lot more red flags out there. Like I said, these are just mine, based off of my dating experiences. Any of the girls exhibiting these traits or tendencies will be a handful, trust me. So it’s best to look out for these things early on so you’re not feeling trapped and overwhelmed later.
If you do find yourself entrapped by some nutty girl, don’t minimize it or be too nice. It’s easy sometimes to simply act like it’s not a big deal and just blow her off. Though, that’s a treacherous road with women like this because they’re unpredictable. Blowing her off just gives fuel for more crazy. No reason to sugarcoat things. Just say no and walk away.
I’ll leave you with a quote from Osho, a mystic and master and teacher of philosophy who traveled throughout India during the 1960s as a public speaker:
“With me, illusions are bound to be shattered. I am here to shatter all illusions. Yes, it will irritate you, it will annoy you – that's my way of functioning and working. I will sabotage you from your very roots! Unless you are totally destroyed as a mind, there is no hope for you.”