Appearances: Upping Your Looks & the 5 Guys to Be
Saturday, 31 May 2014
We’ve all asked the question “How can I make the most of my looks?”, and today I’m going to tell you a bit about how you can do that without adjusting your fashion sense or wardrobe.
I’m going to tell you how your appearance is impacted by what you do and who you appear to be.
Looks are not as cut and dry as model versus normal guy. They DO change according to your mood, what you are doing, and the chemistry you have with different people.
You should never just immediately assume the worst, and that you aren’t attractive, because things are much more flexible than we typically think they are.
The good news is, people will always find attractive things about you if you are being personally magnetic, so it is actually impossible for people to not find good things about you if you are engaging. The way to be engaging, summed up in a word, is to be self-positive, because the more positive you are to yourself the more positive your disposition to the world. That is something that cannot be faked, and therefore is an honest indicator that shows women the presence of the strong traits that they actually LOOK FOR in men.
This also works the other way, because objective looks nosedive when a person is in a bad mood. So don’t feel too bad for yourself; other people get a rough deal at times too, and you can get a good deal for yourself if you are diligent in your self-improvement and outlook.
Tips to Upgrade Your Looks
Looks matter. Yet, a lot of increasing your looks should actually be more about minimising the NEGATIVE ways you interact with the world, rather than just trying to “look your best” through other means.
If you worry too much, snap into uncontrolled bouts of melancholy, or generally hold a low opinion of yourself in social situations, people will tend to avoid looking at you and assume you aren’t very attractive, and this goes even for really good looking people. So stay positive and don’t worry.
Here are some tips to help you manage:
Focusing too much on your looks:
Don’t put too much of your conscious focus on your looks when out meeting people, because it tends to really flip you out and make you go crazy, and this doesn’t help how you look. You have to know that sexy moods will without a doubt make YOU look sexier.
Trust their reactions not their objections:
A person’s non-verbal reactions will tell you better how people perceive you than can a mirror or a video camera. If you can change how a person FEELS when around you, you will be changing how you look to them.
How you position yourself has a very important impact on how you look to people. Someone who is in a corner may seem to be attracted to that kind of place out of habit. Someone who is out in the crowd dancing wildly without care for people watching might purposely block people out due to social carelessness.
So try to imagine what kind of places a woman sees the attractive man you think YOU embody, and make the effort sometimes to be in those places and doing those things. It’s all a part of setting up that perfect first meeting.
Being sociable is about more than just turning on in that one moment you have to impress a girl, it is about appearing to be ON all the time. Since nobody can actually be ON all the time, it is best to just make sure that you are in the habit of doing the right things in the right places, and that you are almost always socialising and being interesting.
When a girl catches a man being cool, BEFORE he notices her, she is even MORE impressed than if had he noticed her and then turned his charm on.
Never underestimate the power that looking blankly off into the distance while leaning against a bar can have on a girl, IF you position yourself correctly, and have good habits.
Think about it: how often do you notice girls that noticed you first? And now on the other hand, how often do you notice women that are NOT looking at you?
Most of the time, in most situations, women have already noticed you
before you have noticed them (if they are or will be interested).
Set yourself into small purposeful routines that will consistently assist you in appearing like the guy to meet.
When Attention Seeking:
The attention seeker is the kind of guy that pushes everyone aside, and rocks it out alone on the dance floor. He’s one of those guys yelling with his mates, and spilling drinks everywhere.
Mostly this kind of behaviour, even in women, tends to just cause people to think “WTF?” I have nothing against attention seeking when it’s genuine or when someone knows what they are doing, but that is the KEY: knowing what you are doing.
- Make sure to be OPEN, and not closed off to social interactions, and be welcoming and involve people (do something like flick some eye contact out to a few girls, and make them smile about the scene).
- Don’t do it without end, because nobody has the stamina for attention seeking the fifth time. You have to switch it up and not rely on it as a crutch.
- Have courage! (people don’t like a center of attention, they envy them, until of course you do something vulnerable and bring people into the party).
Attention seeking done right requires the courage to be aware of the scene you are creating, and to keep attentive of the things you can do to make people around you take advantage of your high energy.
5 Guys to Be
There are several different kinds of guys you can be when out meeting new people and casting about for new women you can connect with. The kind of guy you choose to be at any given time depends on your personality, where you are, and what you’re feeling while there.
Here are 5 of the most common ones that work pretty well to okay at
getting together with someone new.
#1: Become a guy that is just within her grasp
You never really want to be the guy that is “right next to her”; you want to be the guy that is one or two or three easy steps away that she can go up and grab.
Being immediately beside a woman often can remove some of your mystery. Allow a woman to bring herself slightly closer to you, or to be able to get your attention if she needs it, but don’t be the guy that is standing on her heels.
Girls are experts at drifting into guys they like, and catching eyes, so don’t worry, you don’t always have to be on a girl’s heels.
This doesn’t just apply on the dance floor or in a coffee shop either, it applies in relationships. Generally, people are only comfortable with little drifting steps towards what they want to do with you. Pay attention to the tiny signals she is always giving you (it takes time to develop a sense for it), and be within reach of her with a few SMALL steps of her own.
#2: Be a Sociable Guy
This is the guy that has just introduced himself, or has just been introduced with someone, or perhaps even a guy that she stumbled upon and started talking to. This guy is all about light-heartedness and flirting. It is important to just relax and to allow her to be a social butterfly.
But be warned, girls tend to walk off from the sociable guy to “the bathroom” or “to find friends”.
Don’t ever blame a girl for things like this, just be sure to give her incentive to stay and not incentive “to return later”, unless you really don’t care of course, and then it’s her job to hunt you down and say “Hey! I was looking for you all night!” “Really?” “No, not really, but I found you!” Give them a big hug or something and set up a phone contact.
#3: Or maybe you are the intimidating and confident guy
This is the kind of guy that has girls on his arms (usually just girls he knows and is friends with), who is dressed in a way she finds sexy and clean (or perhaps rugged), who can walk over to her in a heartbeat and stand before her with a half smile, musing at how cute her shy little smile is.
The trick with this is to of course be genuine, you don’t want to be one of the guys that goes to the gym too much, and uses too much hair gel. That stuff is EVERYWHERE and it’s the wrong idea.
I am talking about a guy that actually has some friends that are girls and he doesn’t even notice that it’s really cool. A guy that dresses in ways they find sexy all the time, so doesn’t really count this day as all that special. And the guy that walks over to them confidently because he genuinely knows what he wants and that he is willing to have a cool conversation with a girl that has caught his eye.
It’s important that if you are intimidating, to be INCREDIBLY disarming. Give yourself a warm edge, or a way that makes you accessible to her. Your presence will flatter her by itself, and all you have to do is help her settle down, and have a good time with you.
#4: Or maybe you are the one-on-one guy
This is the kind of person you don’t notice until you are already looking at each other. The problem with meeting someone like this is usually people tend to completely assume that you are exactly like them, and to some extent disposable.
This is probably the most common way people meet. However, to do it really well, it is important to allow a woman to gain perspective about you. After going up and taking her hand, or talking with her, take her somewhere to do something where you can showcase that you are not JUST some sparkly-eyed piece of ripe fruit ready for the picking.
It is all too easy to kiss a girl that stumbles over in a trance because you and her just managed to stumble into each other by fate, but it can be enhanced if you know how to tease her a bit, without completely pushing her away, and the best way to do that is to take the lead.
#5: Or maybe you are the shrug guy
This is the guy that girls get with because he is really easy and because the cute guy she was looking at got impatient with her and went off with some other girl. He’s the kind of guy that is just right beside her, or is talking boringly to her. Nothing is necessarily special about him, except that he is a guy and attractive enough for her to sort of agree to and accept taking the time to spoon feed him the steps on how to get her.
Just remember that if you don’t do anything really very interesting, and you get the girl, you are being the shrug guy, which is okay, so long as you are totally aware of it.
In summary, there are many little things you can notice and amend that can help change how you are being perceived. Most of them involve being a bit more active, not “more attractive”. So get active first, don’t think about if you are attractive enough, because that puts the cart before the horse.
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