How I Meet Girls: A Step-by-Step Breakdown for Killer Success
“Whatever you do… don’t hook up with the brunette!”
I closed my phone and looked around… how could he possibly have known that I was with this girl… and why was he telling me to keep my hands off her?
Did he know her… and WHAT did he know about her?
I couldn’t think of anything. After all, I hadn’t been introduced to her through my social circle… in fact, that’s not really how I meet girls at ALL; I almost never meet women that way.
I much prefer striking up conversations with total strangers.
No messy politics, no gossip, no social scheming, no drama.
Just me and a girl… and all the exciting things we can find out about each other and experience together.
Breakups are a lot less messy too if you don’t have a lot of friends in common.
But back to the brunette, and back to the “Boots on the Ground” series - here’s how I had met her, and some takeaways you can use TODAY to improve your dating life…
How I Meet Girls: The Approach
On the “Says She Has a Boyfriend?” post, Franco commented the following:
I like the idea of giving some of your personal experiences with picking up women. It might give the reader some confidence and insight as to where he should take his conversation after opening.
That being said, it might help if you delve into more detail about the conversation and interaction you had with each woman. It's one thing to tell us that a woman says something as unexpected as, “I can’t make it on Thursday... I’m already going on a date then… with your best friend," but if I'm a student of the game, I'm more curious about exactly what you said that lead her to make that comment as well as how you responded to it. While reading, I felt like the entire article was leading up to the actual conversation between you and this woman, but then I was blue-balled when you never expanded on it.
I understand that you must have so many conversations with different women at this point that it is hard to recall the small details, but every bit helps!
Just my two cents. Keep up the good work =)”
Franco makes a point here. I know many of our readers would still like to read more play-by-plays… it’s one of the more common requests I’ve seen on my articles (believe it or not, I DO read the comments!). I realize a lot of guys would like more practical advice on how to start conversations with women anywhere and take them in the right direction.
And since I, too, was a beginner once, I know that the old: “It doesn’t matter what you say to her” line is anything but helpful.
So I’ll go into a bit more detail about the first couple of minutes today of how I meet girls.
The girl in question for this post was walking down one of the main streets of my city, where I caught up to her. It was already after dark, so I waited until she was right under a street light, just to make sure she wouldn’t be startled by my approach. A sexy brunette in her early 20s, with a tight skirt that hugged her thighs, on high heels and with just the right amount of makeup to where her face looked almost photo-shopped.
As you know, my preferred modus operandi is to be straightforward… I don’t beat around the bush. I ask girls if they’re single, and during the day, that has been working better for me than any other conversation starter… even if she says she has a boyfriend.
Which was also the brunette’s response… nope, not single.
Just as we talked about in the post on when she says she has a boyfriend, when a girl tells you that she’s not single or that she has a boyfriend, the best thing you can do is to just ignore the statement and keep talking. So long as she’s not walking off, she’s interested… and possibly, not in a relationship at all.
If you really feel like you need to have an answer ready, just tell her that it’s okay… because you’re not looking for a girlfriend… an excellent way to imply the sexual frame of the one-night-stand, friends-with-benefits or even open long-term relationship…
…and she played you the pass!
What else could you ask for?
Breaking the Ice
After this initial introduction, I did nothing fancy. I’m not holding back any big secrets here guys… I promise.
If someone is trying to sell you a product by promising you some
“secret lines” that will put her under your spell, run the opposite
way... instead, focus on the VIBE you project and how to make a good first impression as you say
whatever it is
Again, you really don’t want to be Mr. Entertainer making girls laugh when you chat them up. Everybody likes Bozo the Clown, but nobody wants to sleep with him… and an exaggerated sense of humor on the first encounter is often a transparent attempt at covering up nervousness.
A calm, solid approach with total presence and fearlessness, and without the need to play the court jester is MUCH more attractive. This is how I meet girls, it’s how Chase does it, it’s how every guy I know who’s got his stuff locked down tight does it.
The person with the most status isn’t usually the one who’s the funniest… but the one whom everybody wants to be perceived as funny by.
“Amateurs Think Tactics,
Professionals Think Logistics”
That was Napoleon Bonaparte who said that, in case you were trying
to place the quote.
With an initial sexual frame in place thanks to her comment about her relationship, and with the ice already broken with some simple small talk, I had only one thing left to do: determine whether I should take her home RIGHT NOW, or at some later point.
As I mentioned in the post about beach pickup, it is usually much EASIER to sleep with a girl immediately than it is to court her for a while first… PROVIDED that she has time right now. And that is not usually the case in street pickups… she probably left the house to get things done, after all.
So as a fourth step, after approaching, setting frames and building some light rapport, I ask her another simple question that may seem like more innocent chit chat on the surface, but that is so much more…
“So what are you up to today?”
It’s not a question that arouses suspicion… it doesn’t sound like I have an agenda. And the fact is, I don’t… I expect her to be busy, and that’s fine. We can always meet up at a later point.
But if I find out that she’s free for the next 3-4 hours, I will usually invite her to have a drink with me right there and then… and start the date that leads to everything else… TODAY.
In her case, and this is common during the day, she had somewhere to be… and so we agreed to meet some other time.
Now here’s another little technique that’s going to help you out a lot: rather than just asking for her number, make specific plans for a meet up… time, date, and place. If she commits to that, you’re a lot further towards your goal of seeing her again than if you simply agree to “talk on the phone some time.”
And as a bonus, you’ll waste a lot
less time just “talking on the phone,” too.
Don’t Be Weird!
I know some people are still not entirely sure about this advice of “just be normal and add a sexual vibe.” I know some people still think they need to DO something to MAKE her attracted.
I’m an average-looking guy, so I can completely understand where that is coming from. Certainly a hunk can just be normal, and she’s just going to like him… but we Average Joes have to IMPRESS her with something… with our sharp tongue, with our wit – being clever and funny… right?
I have three answers to that objection:
The best way to impress women is by not trying to impress them… THAT’S impressive.
Since EVERY average looking guy thinks he needs to be witty, just being normal yet confident IS what STANDS OUT.
Straight from the horse’s mouth: the brunette from this post was one of many girls who told me she gave me her number because she realized I was normal!
Look… when you approach a girl, it’s not only her impression of you that’s going to determine how she will respond to you. She has already been approached thousands of times by other guys, most of whom were lame, weird, boring, needy, or all of the above… and that preframes your approach in her mind.
She’s already EXPECTING you to be a spazz. Through no fault of your own… but simply because 98% of guys who approached her before you were.
And that’s why you sometimes get blown out before you even get a chance to demonstrate your personality in the first place… as you’re about to open your mouth, her internal dialogue already tells her… “Oh great, here comes another weirdo.”
Proving her right by doing something weird in an attempt to make her laugh is a horrible idea in that context…
By the way, as it turned out later, she was indeed single... hey, not EVERY girl I hook up with is a girl who has a boyfriend. ;) She only gave me the dreaded “I have a boyfriend” for the exact reason we’re talking about here: because I approached her on the street, out of the blue, in the middle of the day, she expected me to be weird.
Once she realized that I could hold a normal conversation like a guy whose relaxed confidence implies he has his life together, she changed her mind quickly and decided she wanted to meet me again.
And that relaxed confidence comes only with practice.
But What About the Nighttime?
Now you may say, okay Ricardus... that’s all well and good in the street. But what about the club?
Lights flashing everywhere, people are drunk, the music is booming so loud she can hardly even HEAR the jokes you want to crack, and a chain of 78 sausages (other men) is competing for her attention.
Don’t you need to be a bit FLASHIER in that context?
Honestly, nighttime isn’t much a part of how I meet girls anymore these days. And since I don’t usually set foot in clubs for the purpose of picking up women anymore - I MUCH prefer day game for that - I will quote a fellow seducer from Melbourne… a good friend of mine whose skills with women I have the highest respect for.
He picks up women almost exclusively in clubs… and he, too, works with a very chill vibe.
He, too, prefers to create silent sexual tension… and here’s how he answered this question when we had the conversation recently:
“A loud club is the best place to do these super powerful chill approaches. With these approaches, more so than ever, everything is just completely sub textual. You say very little. In a club you can just go up and not really speak much, especially when the music is pumping.
Just eye contact and vibe and projecting a powerful energy. Risk coming across as creepy, even… The dance floor is a great place for all this non-verbal stuff. You're 'under the cover of darkness' so to speak.
There is so much shit going on around you.
You come in.
Your feet planted.
Looking at her.
Take her hand…
…and then take it from there.
In fact, you'd have a HARDER time doing that in a place where conversation was the normal convention.”
But back to our play-by-play; back to how I meet girls, step-by-step. The next step, obviously, was to meet this girl again… and I’ll teach you a little technique that is going to increase your chances of getting her to agree to a meet-up.
You tell her you don’t have much time.
The good old takeaway sale… YOU’RE the one who’s in demand and who’s making some time in his busy schedule for her.
This is a bit of a toss-up… while it’s more likely that she will agree to a short date than to a long one, it also means that she may make other plans for later… which, in turn, complicates your scheme to take her back to your place after drinks considerably.
You’ll have to make a judgment call based on how “on” it was with a girl when you first met her… if she was totally into you, ask her out for the whole evening. If you think she might decline, tell her “drinks for an hour from 7 to 8” instead, and you double your chances.
The brunette from this report was no exception… she made plans for after our “quick drinks”, of course. Beautiful girls are ALWAYS in demand… and as we were sitting at the bar together, talking about life, relationships and adventures, both our phones kept beeping… she was about to meet another friend later, and I got a text from one of my buddies.
Yup, the one who warned me not to hook up with the brunette…
As it turned out, he was at the same bar as us, and so he came over with his date to join us for a while. Additional social proof is always welcome, so long as it doesn’t derail your entire plan for the night and you have a way of isolating your girl again a bit later.
Logistics… tattoo that word on the inside of your eyelids.
We did not get married and lived happily ever after…
…but once we were alone again, there was a moment when we both just held eye contact for a good 10 seconds without saying a word.
Just looking into each other’s eyes... and it’s ON.
There is a moment, one single instant, when you and her both KNOW for a fact that you will have sex.
Sometimes that moment occurs as early as the first time you see each other… she notices you and locks eyes, you look back, and you both hold eye contact in a way that communicates everything and words need not be spoken.
Other times, that moment can occur as late as when you are both already in bed together.
But the most elegant way of seducing a girl is by creating this moment at some point before you even start making a move on her.
By the way you look at her.
By the way you hold her hand.
By the inflection of your voice as you give her a compliment.
If it’s not mutual, it didn’t happen….
… but if it is,
congratulate yourself… because you are IN, my friend, and she can’t wait to be alone with you.
Onward and upward,
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