Classroom Body Language and Other Casual Situations


You’ve probably been brought up to think that leaning on posts, putting your feet up, leaning back on chairs, and slouching a little bit is the key to looking good in the classroom, but if we are being honest here, no one cares, and these little tweaks are not really going to have any impact on girls noticing you.

casual body language

What gets girls noticing you is never as simple as showing you don’t care, mostly because it doesn’t stand out to them as different from the other guys they see daily doing the same things. And none of those men lay themselves back so well that girls rush to them and instantly start talking with them, so it begs the question: why are you really acting that way, and is this method attractive?

In all likelihood you are choosing the easiest path, a path you haven’t really thought about very much, a path that relies on some mysterious undercurrent to be at play that will bring you luck and a girl. But we have to not only ask “Is this pragmatic?”, we also have to ask “Is the way I’m handling this attractive?”.


The Easy Path: Attractive... Or Not?

The truth is that “taking the easy path” is not very attractive to women, as it tends to communicate that you don’t care about details that matter, which eventually communicates that you are just like every other guy who white knights her, pushes his ego up front (“I’m a big deal”), and acts entitled to a birthday BJ and a sports night. There is nothing wrong with BJs and sports, but it is wrong if that is ALL you are. What girl gets excited about the prospect of a one-way ticket to mediocrity? Not many.

As a result, it is important to understand that because you are so easy-going about details you are signalling loudly that you are happy with her having a boring sex life and an unfulfilling life in general. It is no wonder the girls don’t look, because you are being the same as all the other people in her life that don’t believe in her deserving anything, so she is going to react exactly how she always reacts to that atmosphere: she will wear her social mask, not let on her true feelings, and just be polite.

Body language is about more than looking cool, it is about expressing understanding of scenarios. If you take it really lazy, it will take you nowhere, but if you start thinking in terms of what am I doing, saying, and what does that mean for women, you’ll do much better.

I was raised with really simple body language tips: crossing your arms is defensive, hands out of your pockets, don’t look down. Those body language tips by themselves probably just made you more of a mental masturbator than a guy who knows anything real about body language. Often body language is a less important part of the overall projection of intent. It is what we communicate through our actions, our composure, and how we hold ourselves relative to real factors that matter.

Body language is kind of similar to preparation, or good foundations; it is used usually to communicate that you are always ready, always open, always dynamic and aware. Other people look at your body language to take cues on the situation and the significance or insignificance of certain things. People look to those who are aware of what is happening as a shortcut to figuring it out themselves.

Therefore, it is important that you let people “take a lead” from your actions, help them feel comfortable, help them have energy to succeed, and help them feel connected with what is going on by taking cues from you. Doing things this way is what gets people utilizing your body language and valuing it. Once your body language is valued, then all you have to do is communicate good things to girls through it, and if you do so successfully it will create strong rapport with the girls who did utilize your cues, and they will look forward to talking to you if the chance comes up.

It isn’t magic, it isn’t cool guy voodoo, it isn’t acting like Clint Eastwood, it is just making your projections / cues / etc., and what they express, valuable. If you start looking at it this way you can see how plain and average that usual body language stuff is.


Changing Body Language

Body language isn’t that easy to change though. If you force yourself to sit up straight for example it can really hurt your back and make you look weird. So what do you do? Most people’s solution is just give up, but that isn’t going to be your solution.

There are things you can do to improve posture and general body language by exercising, eating well, getting decent sleep, working out your body evenly, and enhancing the flexibility, coordination, and health of your movements. But even deeper than this, there is our psychology and how it affects how we feel we deserve to stand or feel.

As a consequence of psychology, most people feel really awkward changing their body language in any useful or significant way. It feels like you are exposed or likely to topple over or appear weird to people. Often this feeling builds up until finally you snap and give up and go back to your old ways. You aren’t bad at body language if this has happened to you, you just aren’t dealing with its psychological foundations.

How long can you hold your breath? One minute? Or maybe you are a swimmer so perhaps a couple? Fact is, no matter how long you can hold your breath, breathing naturally is a lot better.

casual body language

Have you ever tried to consciously breathe then freaked out because you started feeling weird?

Well body language and adjusting it is actually meant to be natural. If body language isn’t as natural as breathing, it isn’t going to be a lasting or fulfilling change, it is going to make you feel weird and become a mental fixation that isn’t really DOING anything to help you with girls. So the question is, “What natural changes in my outlook make me feel good and give me improvements in body language?”, because this more indirect approach will set you up to have genuine long-lasting changes in how you hold yourself without any negatives or weird rigid thinking attached to it.

If you want to change your body language you have to appreciate the power of your body to adapt itself on its own to reflect the state of being you inhabit. Let body language change over time as you slowly express more confidence in yourself. Slowly start working on feeling comfortable with expressing yourself in ways that express good things and create rapport with people. Let yourself work away at removing that shell, and let improvements naturally evolve so they come across genuine and reflective of your nature.


The Biggest Changes

The biggest changes are shoulders, back, exposing your chest a little more, and having a much calmer and piercing gaze or demeanour. It is about opening yourself up to being seen, instead of closing yourself off from people’s sight by pulling shoulders forward and trying to hide features you might be insecure about. These things aren’t attractive alone, they just open you up so that you are not discouraging people from looking.

Another big change is adjustments to your openness / expressiveness. People with good body language feel their environment, so they will often make a little squint or slight smile, or adjust how they are sitting or standing, to act in tune with things happening around them. Most people shut themselves off because, while studying or in a group for example, their only goal is survival. But if your goal is to explore, to feel, and to interact with slight changes, you will start to intrigue others and involve them in your mental space, which helps you use what skills you have of sub-communication really well.

Another big change is where you place yourself. Right next to the girl, then with a slight smile, disarming her and showing her it is no big deal, or by a nice place close by where she can easily look over and have some fun that way. Ultimately when you are dealing with body language you are also dealing with space, boundaries, and displaying why you make your choices in an open and receivable way. It is important that you get comfortable being a little bolder so your new body language can be shown to hold up to a subtle test without cracking or shrinking. Enhancing this naturally bold and open body language really starts opening noticeable communication lines.

Ultimately, body language is a wild thing. You can’t really control it, you can only make great choices and help encourage it. You can’t really improve it if you don’t appreciate the importance of it or assess its use for women beyond the superficial level. Once you absorb these two important details though, you can improve pretty drastically over a good period of time and permanently improve your interactions with girls.

It is important that you keep it as natural as possible, don’t be lazy about girls, and assess how your own outlook and expressions can help girls feel like you are on their side and not just a white knight, absent-minded, ticket-to-mediocrity guy.

If you can give girls the impression that you genuinely appreciate these kinds of things they will be more receptive, and if you finish that off with the ability to hold a good conversation, then you are off to a really solid start.

Body language alone isn’t going to get girls to jump in bed with you, but nothing works exactly like that, so if you approach it as a component of a larger overarching plan for improving, it will do you some good.

Cody

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Comments

Anonymous's picture

Cody, your writing style is


Cody, your writing style is impractical and rambling. You haven't really added anything to past posts, and the only solid things you've said are that there is a psychological aspect - not that you actually explained how to change that practically- of needing to be open, to try to be natural, and that you should expose your chest more. You put a ridiculous amount of focus on unrelated concepts(you have no substance and therefore not topics) such as white knights and egos, BJs and sports(not even sure how you managed that one). When you are writing an article about body language, try to always be clear, concise and on topic. In general you'll want to be practical and make it easy for your readers to understand not only the concepts but the practical application as well. You definitely have a lot of interesting things to say but unless you refine your style quite a bit you'll continue coming off as incompetent, and even worse, continue being unhelpful.
Best wishes-anon

Anonymous's picture

that's what I was thinking


He wrote so much yet said so little. I was reading and thinking "ok when am I going to get the meat of this article?" Hopefully you take it as constructive criticism.

Anonymous's picture

When I first started making a


When I first started making a conscious attempt to stand up straight because of back problems, it was one of the hardest things to do. For one, standing straight was very unnatural, being a sloucher for more than 30 years of my life. For another, I was a low-confidence man and standing straight means projecting something I lacked. Needless to say, I felt like a fraud who will be discovered at any given moment.

The other thing, too, is my back muscles were so weak that it actually hurt to stand up straight! It would take me two months before my new posture started feeling normal.

It's funny how we are able to trick our minds with our bodies. Feeling stressed? Find something to laugh at and you'll feel better right away. Feeling down? Force a smile and laughter to turn it around.

So yes, we fight both psychological and physical factors when adopting a new posture. Or for that matter, anything new we learn!

David Riley's picture

Mindset


Hey Anon,

Practice makes perfect, I remember the same problem I had when I started breathing from diaphragm. You truly have to work out on it to the best of your ability. When you train your mind to do something through perseverance it's really hard at first, but then you get the hang of it. It slowly becomes natural or normal as you put it. I really do appreciate how we can trick our minds as well.

Just Dave

Explozive Results's picture

Well ok then...


I go to a particular pub regularly... I sit with my back to the bar so I'm facing the patrons, usually leaning back on the bar with one arm crooked over it, my feet up on a second chair. Very relaxed.

Girls definitely notice... They steal glances... Some say "Hi" in passing... Some come over and introduce themselves to me... Some buy me drinks... Some hit on me...

So I strongly disagree with the statement "no one cares, and these little tweaks are not really going to have any impact on girls noticing you."

However, I agree that it's lazy. The girls stealing glances across the room aren't much use if they never come over. So sometimes you've got to get up off your arse and make something happen.

But compared to other things you could be doing like wandering around lost or staring into a Smartphone all night, it's definitely an advantageous practice.

Cody Lyans's picture

Integrity is one of the best

Author

BL to fish for attention its not really going to impact your results in any deep way. So be careful with that.

Assess when and where the utility of body language will matter and why.

BL matters most when in isolation, or during the first few minutes of conversation, not so much during post ups, so try to get out of the view of BL is "posting up".

In short(if the above is too scattered): Body language matters most when you have assessed its impact in expressing or achieving something you understand.

Crunch's picture

I agree: rather lackluster article


Could not agree more with comment title 'Cody, your writing style is' by an Anonymous.

I've never posted before on this site, and I'm miffed that my first post is to validate a criticism...

I didn't get anything new out of this article at all, or even understood why it exists. If anything, now I appreciate the finer aspects of the most well-crafted articles on Girls Chase.

J.J.'s picture

Of course, body language


Of course, body language alone isn't what will get you girls, but I would argue that body language is immensely important, and far more important and critical than the author of this article suggests.

After all, nonverbal trumps verbal. Body language is a huge part of that. If I had to choose one particular component that really affects your ability to get women, is eye contact. Eye contact, along with touching, of course.

jake's picture

Cody yo, Chase already (and


Cody yo, Chase already (and COlt also believe) covered body language to its fullest degree, I know what I am asking might be hard or challenging but can we get something completely NEW! This site has been running for three years and Chase might have already covered everything so it might be a tall order, and to tell you the truth I read about Chases stuff most of the time only, every other writer writes about the same things only in different ways, the only one that I remember bringing something new to the table was Ricardus, so nothing else written really adds to the discussion, and I am paying monthly when I only read a few articles a month(should probably stop now that I feel that I know everything) but man , Cody it would be awesome if you could maybe write something different and new cause I see your writing and you seem talented, maybe some topic that is more advanced than all of this beginner stuff that has already been covered. Anyway thanks man!

Cody Lyans's picture

Ah thanks man,I think the

Author

Ah thanks man,
I think the best criticism is that it has been covered a lot,
However the point is still somewhat crucial, you want to understand behind what things mean, not just display things you don't understand.

Its very important to drill that point home. I could have done it better, but hindsight is 20/20.

I can certainly give thought to throwing you some more advanced curve balls to give you that fresh hit.
I appreciate that you guys recognise the talent/interesting idea edge I have.

I'll do what I can, :)
I'd appreciate if criticisms where aimed a little nicer, like this, just so I can get to the content of them better. I do have other responsibilities and anything that helps frictionless efficiency, helps things get through. I do appreciate the comments though but also repeats generally aren't too necessary, the more things don't feel "picky" to me the more I usually can quickly pick up on the point without having to first assess how valid it is. So just keep that in mind, and I'll keep what you guys figure out as good directions in mind.

Always stuff to tighten up, but we don't have to get too tough love about it, cuz its a process.
All the best,
Cody

Troy's picture

Seriously Confused


Cody

I am totally confused. Why write about all this when you are telling us readers to do opposite what Chase wrote about extensively. I wonder now if all the writers meet together and become one with the advice given. It would have been better if this article was titled "how to learn fundamentals".

Chase wrote back to a comment someone made on how to learn fundamentals that it's just to practise doing it until it becomes natural. It's the same as when learning to ride a bike. You don't learn the first time you step on.

I have been practising my fundamentals from the past 3 months and you mean to come tell me now that fundamentals (posture, fashion e.t.c.) don't make me more attractive. I'm just like a mental masturbator. Then why learn game if fundamentals don't work. All you saying is forget what rubbish Chase said about learning to fix posture. Just be natural till it comes naturally. It would be better it not been mentioned in here if that's so. Just write, " become confident and your posture becomes automatically fixed.

Why not teach about how to be natural, body language to avoid e.t.c.
Cody, I see in your articles that you are good at writing, so please continue to write. However, if your writing style doesn't change then you will keep coming across as incompetent or worse you get more things reputation hits on your posts.

Keep writing though
All the best,

Troy

Chase Amante's picture

Cody's Article on Body Language


Figured I'd weigh in here briefly.

There are a few criticisms on Cody's article:

  1. Writing isn't clear
  2. Message conflicts with previous articles
  3. Disagreement about using body language to meet girls

I won't comment too much on Cody's writing style; it's always been a bit spider webby. He actually makes a lot more sense now than when we used to post back in the mASF days; I think I was one of about 3 people or so that could parse the meaning of his posts back then and come away saying, "Wow; that was incredibly profound and I never looked at it that way or realized I could do that." Everyone else would just scratch their heads and wonder what this crazy guy was talking about.

However, this crypticness is exactly one of the things about Cody that also makes him attractive to women. He's this kind of confusing, perplexing puzzle box they just keep trying to piece together but aren't quite able to.

The message of "don't learn body language; learn the mentalities" is what I'd call a selective message; it's going to be extremely helpful for some guys, and distracting for others. If you have very good intuition already (especially good social intuition), and your confidence around women is already pretty sharp, you just need a little tweaking, Cody's message here will be very useful for you, because it will liberate you from focusing on the minutiae you don't really need to focus on and allow you to zero in on the big picture, which is probably all you need.

If your social intuition needs tweaking or your confidence around women isn't the best, in my opinion you will probably be better served handling the outward body language displays to create the mind-body feedback loop and get some early good reactions that'll help improve your confidence (or, conversely, your awareness of how to respond in social situations) to the level where advice like Cody's here is more practical.

On the effectiveness as a pickup tool - Cody's primary message here was that if you're focusing a lot of energy on using your body language as an attractor, you're probably better off just walking up to girls and not even worrying about body language by contrast, which I'd agree with. Very good to enhance your body language - if you can get the mindset behind it and let it flow effortlessly from that, as Cody recommends, that's ideal; however, that's also difficult, so if the best you can do is to simply emulate good body langauge I think that's fine as well (and what I recommend for most guys starting out) - but far MORE important that you actually go meet girls.

I will tell you right now that I spent a lot of time in my teenage years looking very cool with my badass body language and getting girls checking me out and flirting with me like crazy, but at the end of the day I'd still have to watch those girls pair off with the guys who actually went up to talk to them and ask them out. If I'd have worried more about taking action than how I looked, I'd have had a much happier time as a youth.

In addition to the giving some thoughts on some of the points raised by commenters, I also wanted to take a moment to discuss Cody's point about body language's primary use being to communicate context in interactions is excellent, and not a point I've heard made elsewhere in quite the same way. I and other writers have talked about nonverbal communication and responding to some things women say / do with nonverbal, but Cody actually has almost entire nonverbal conversations with women and is ace at this like few guys out there. If you really want some of the good stuff, see if you can get him to write something about some of his nonverbal nightclub pickup stuff (it's a little hard to understand, but... worth it if you like clubs).

On reading: I recommend Cody for advanced guys looking for a different take, and for guys who already have strong social skills and solid confidence with women and just want to download the mindsets of a guy who's natural at girls fast. If you're newer and you need very clear instructions, you will have a difficult time with Cody, who's a brilliant guy but sometimes speaks in riddles, and is anything but into mechanical technical details.

Chase

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