Carnival of Dating Advice, 18th Edition

carnival of dating advice

We now present the 18th Edition of the Carnival of Dating Advice... now fully legal (age of consent joke there), bringing you some of the best articles on pickup, dating, seduction, psychology, relationships, and other fun, related things from across the blogosphere.

This name of the game for edition's articles is "practical" - from Jon Rhodes's piece on spotting a liar, to Liz Leia's piece on spotting gold diggers, to Sulagna Dasgupta's on spotting which men are interested (for the ladies, that is), you'll be walking away from today's collection of articles with your antennae pricked and your senses trained to interpret all manner of different signals from the people around you.

Without further ado then, on with the carnival...


Pickup Podcast's Liz Leia tells us "How to Identify a Gold Digger," with a focus on looking out for the "hints" she drops about what it is that she wants (i.e., for you to buy her lots of pretty things and take her lots of nice places). The only thing I'd suggest against from this post is scaring these women off - just like any other girl, if you take yourself out of boyfriend (in this case, ATM) contention, and still come off sexy, you can still get together with these girls quickly... though, you may not want to hang around for long.

Some all-around good, general advice here from Mister Infinite in "Relating from Man to Woman," targeted at men taking women too seriously and trying too hard to be their friends. Infinite uses the great example of how boys treat girls as children, and how for the men who do best with women, this never really changes.


From HypnoBusters, a website primarily focused on hypnosis and hypnosis techniques, Jon Rhodes submits "How to Spot a Liar," a very detailed, comprehensive, and solid post on all the subtle signs people will give that they're telling an untruth. The only one misleading here is the mention about eye movements - as we talked about in "Tell Someone Lying from Someone Who's Not," the majority of individuals' eyes will move to their left corners (to your right) when constructing a lie, and the right when accessing memory, although this varies from person to person and a minority of individuals' eyes have the reverse order, or even a completely different one. That disclaimer aside, this is a very meaty article and quite useful if you're looking to upgrade your abilities to identify someone who's fibbing or worse.


Want to massage the girl of your dreams into submission? Jonathan Grant over at Ask a Wise Man has put together a piece called "5 Secrets to Giving an Amazing Massage!," complete with a lot of very sound advice on getting good at massages, plus a couple of images with interesting captions.


Jana Moreno from Wisdom Ink submits "Releasing Statements for Relationships," a way of verbally exorcising relationship baggage, biases, and mindsets you bring in with you. While I haven't tried with releasing per se, this does look very similar to the mindset training and releasing of negative / judgmental thoughts I've done and recommend, and the mindsets being taught here (e.g., unhappiness is your own fault, not your partner's; accepting that love can be lost and people can leave; etc.) are very healthy and grounded in calm, clear thinking... as opposed to the wishful thinking that most employ, at least to some extent, in their relationships.

Tamika of Tamika Lanelle - Thinking Out Loud writes "Crazy Baby Momma," targeted squarely at men complaining that the mothers of their children are crazy and causing a lot of problems for them. The main message is: what role did you have to play in that?

Before you think about getting married, Live It! Magazine's Lena Ameri suggests in "The Trick Every Couple Should Steal From Fifty Shades of Grey" you take a page out of the popular romance novel - and put together a detailed, complete, comprehensive marriage contract that sets the boundaries from the get-go.

For the Ladies

From Love in India, Sulagna Dasgupta submits "“Does He Like Me?” Heed These 7 Signs," listing seven indirect signs women can pick up on that men around them are interested. For fellas reading this, you may not realize it but many women really are not fully aware or certain men like them even when all these signs are present - the world is just as confusing and unclear a place for most women as it is for most men. By paying attention to these signs, as a woman, you can have a bit more certainty, one way or the other.

Wrapping Up

... and that wraps us up for the eighteenth edition of the Carnival of Dating Advice. If you're reading this and want to submit for next time, check out the guidelines here.

Hope you found these articles fun and useful. Tune in next time for more great posts from around the Internet.

Chase Amante

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.


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Prince's picture

Hey Chase,

Regarding day game. I think you had an article on approach anxiety...

But I only seem to be able to approach woman when there are very few poeple around but the location where I need/want to practice is in the CBD... where there are a lot of woman walking around.

*Problem, the main streets in the city. If I spot a girl I sometimes turn around and follow a bit but AA creeps but and then they go into a shop, or stand at the pedestrian lights, bus stops etc. and there are dozens of people around... And I fail to make an approach! as there are so many people around.

I find opening pretty tourists easier as you can just assume where they are from as the opener. Local girls.. cant really do that... (help)

Any tips about AA in busy places (target rich).


Chase Amante's picture


It's really one of those things - you've just got to do it. You have to set aside whatever fear you have about people watching and observing you, and simply go talk to girls and be okay with it. The same rules apply as night game or anywhere else - challenge yourself to do it; do warm ups; just start your feet moving and say whatever comes out when you get there. If it's absolutely impossible, bring a buddy along and tell him to kick your butt if you don't talk to however many girls you've set as your goal to approach.

Ultimately, it's just "find a way to make yourself do it," and then "do it." No shortcuts around the fear, unfortunately; it doesn't go away until you get that initial experience under your belt and show the fear it has no need to stick around and hinder you anymore.


Zac's picture


you must have read my post. Haha!!

jokes aside, i find it sad though, the 48 men got charged and was really unlucky because she was 17 and commercial sex law is 18.


Chase Amante's picture


Age of consent laws are really nothing to mess around with - like the drinking age, they're pretty arbitrary, and they vary a great deal from place to place, but laws are laws no matter how arbitrary, and if you're somewhere they're enforced you need to be aware of them.

I met a guy once whose father was a lawyer and who'd basically buy a book of all the major laws in whatever country he was going to go live in for a while and read that book. Cool guy, tons of energy and outrageous life experiences... he just wanted to make sure that whatever he did, it wasn't something that was going to land him in prison for having a "good time." Don't mess with John Law; you'll nearly always lose...


Nic's picture

Hey Chase,
Just wanted to say that something. That you are my role model and that when I turn into an adult I want to be just like you. It is a sad thing that I aspire to be some stranger from the internet instead of the people around me. The thing is, is that they don't dare to put in the effort to make it big, they most likely want to try but are too scared of failure.

So, they instead put up with an average life with a victim mentality and delude themselves that they couldn't have changed that. Make excuses like being born into the wrong family, not having enough education or money, or other little things that do not matter. I think it is bullshit but I can't judge them. There are only a few people in the world like you and I am glad that you brought your wisdom to the internet. I am a pretty lazy kid by nature so who knows what would have happened in a decade without this site. :)

When I am old enough I will get a job so I can pay the money to you that you deserve so I keep up with this. Anyway, enough with the soppyness. I want to say good luck to you and your future endeavors.


Nic's picture

Edit: Oh also, how do you stop yourself from seeking others approval? Whether it is hoping for a laugh when telling a joke or wanting a good reputation with people. Logically, I tell myself to stop caring what others think and they will still like me, but then in the moment I emotionally can't stop myself from not caring.


Chase Amante's picture


Well, I don't know if I'm quite worthy of role model status just yet - lets wait and see if I can do much of note with my life - but I'm honored you're finding enough here to help you model yourself after in a positive way. Yes, the whole victim mentality thing... hard to say why that's so widespread. It may just be a symptom of growing up inside the big, seemingly inescapable system that it human society... probably why you see so many "fight the system"-style movies and books and songs and memes... people want to break free, but don't know how. So they try fighting society, and see themselves as victims when they fail, or they just accept their lot in life, and then see themselves as victims when they don't receive all that was "promised" to them by society. They never realize they can just step outside of society and go work hard and get what they want.

And, as far as approval seeking... you need to have some source of approval that you draw your energy from. It could be a business (the success of the business validates you), it could be girls (sleeping with girls validates you), or it could even be something like meditation (the more centered and calm you feel, the more validated), but you need something that you are trying to win at and are successfully winning at (for this reason, it's also dangerous tying your personal validation to things you don't control or that can be taken from you - one specific girl, for instance, or one particular business - having abundance is key here; e.g., "I may lose this girl, but I can go out for the next 2 or 3 weeks and sleep with a bunch of new girls and have another amazing girl as my girlfriend by the end of that time period, most likely"). Pick something you can build abundance into, where even if you suffer a major defeat it's only temporary, and focus a lot of time and energy into that, and your approval will more and more stem from there.

Being liked is a universal human need, and you can really only modulate it by getting "liked" from enough different sources that people not liking you here or there doesn't impact you much because they're such a small piece of the overall pie.


Jason's picture

Hi Chase,

I have to say that I will be subscribing to what you have to offer, I am a bit excited where you are moving with the site. I have been attentively studying what you wrote on the website and have seen mind-blowing changes to my interactions with women!

I actually just went out on a date with a girl today, I ended the coffee date after 40 minutes and I could tell the girl just didn't want to leave. Here, I didn't mention anything about next time and intend on texting her tomorrow morning to say I enjoyed it, etc and set up another date 2-3 days from then. Only problem is, how do I make sure from now till tomorrow, she doesnt go into autorejection? She did pull back a bit when I suggested we leave, because I think she didnt want to seem like she was letting everything on the table (ie, her emotions toned a bit when we were leaving). Thanks chase! Great luck with your new website!

Chase Amante's picture


Thrilled to hear the results you're getting, and I'd be thrilled to have you as a subscriber! This reply probably comes a little too late for this girl - hopefully the next date went well - but if you find yourself in a similar circumstance, hopefully it proves useful.

Generally where you'd normally end a date with a girl who's very into you, just before you end it ask her, "What else do you have planned for today?" If she's very into you, she'll tell you, "Nothing," at which point you simply invite her home with you. If she's wanting to put things off a bit, or she's very into you but didn't read the signs quite right, she may start listing out her plans for the rest of the day, after which you can just say, "Cool. Well then, I guess let's wrap it up so you can get to your stuff." When she's thinking about the date later, even if she liked you a lot, her thoughts will be, "Damn it, he gave me an opening to tell him I was free and we could've done something, and I didn't take it!" So instead of auto-rejection, the emotion she ends up feeling was that she'd just missed a chance for something - and it makes her want to go get that something all the more.


The M's picture

Hi Chase,

I've had 4 classes with this girl so far, but have only really been able to small talk/banter since there are usually other people around. She seemed to be chasing me the first 3, but maybe not so much the 4th - it all seems rather subtle to me and I can't really tell (no eyelash batting or hair touching or anything like that). I missed a window to ask her out the 3rd class (I think she wanted me to, but I got distracted and then hesitated, grr), and there wasn't any window the 4th time. I know you said that 3-4 classes was the limit - did I move too slow? Should I do anything different next week (almost definitely not, I think), and should I ask her out anyway if I get the chance?

One other thing: I realized that I'm not all that crazy about this girl at the moment. No love at first sight, and no scintillating personality so far. But of course, I haven't gotten to know her really at all, yet. So should I hold off judgment/discrimination until later (e.g. after a date), or is my gut trying to tell me that I won't be happy dating her? There are plenty of other girls who get me quite excited soon after I meet them - those are really the ones I should be looking to date, right?

The M

Chase Amante's picture


Sounds like you may have missed the window here and her interest cooled off. That happens. You can still ask her out anyway, and she might say "yes" - but even if she says "no" you'll get some extra practice in (and reinforce the idea that you need to move faster) and she'll get to feel a little flattered and think more highly of herself ("See? That cute boy in class likes me!"), so there's not much harm in asking.

As far as love at first sight... personally, the only girls I'll take as girlfriends are the ones I get a "Wow!" feeling with when I first lay eyes on them. If she doesn't make me excited and nervous, I won't date her. I'll sleep with her, but no dating, no relationships. So, I don't have personal experience with dating girls that aren't from love-at-first-sight scenarios. But I haven't seen any research on this, and as far as passion goes, the research shows that the more passionately a relationship begins, the lower its shelf life is... the relationships that last are the ones that start off dispassionately.

My gut is that it's probably not much fun dating a girl you don't feel that spark for at the very beginning, and there's probably always some kind of nagging doubt there that you could've had something better... but, I don't actually know! That's just speculation on my end. My advice would be to approach girls you don't have a spark with as just for fun or for building up your experience levels, and view the girls you feel a spark with as the ones you're really in it to land.

But, maybe if you date some girl you don't have a spark with, it ends up being great anyway, I can't say for sure. I did see a study where they found that people who bought homes based on their gut feelings were happier in those homes 10 years later than people who bought homes based on logical requirements and standards rather than gut. I'd imagine choosing a mate is similar to choosing a home, but hard to say without data to back it up...


Brian48's picture

I'm kinda late, but I read your article on smell and you were right on point. I mean I've been hip to animal magnetism. Back in the day when I first started working construction, after putting in a sweaty 8 hours, me and the fellas used to go for beers right after and after a few too many sometimes we would no longer give a damn that we where in our bummy work clothes and needed showers; we would head right to City Place or Wheaton and post up. Next thing you know we were pulling one-nighters, lol. Even went into the District a few times and pulled strippers at the club, ha ha! Dudes that were fresh and saw the demonstration would be blown like wtf!

Problem is I cant stand slumming on a consistent basis and I was ignorant to the deodorants and colognes the girls would like. So after reading your article, I threw away what was left of my Old Spice deodorant(funny sinse I've had the stick women 40 and up have been giving me the most attention,lol smh) went out and bought the Right Guard Sport as you suggested.

You just might be on to something there Chase. I put a heavy dose on this morning so I could really get a read on it, went to the subway and quite a few women walking past picked up the scent and immediately broke stride and turned to see where it was coming from, no bullshit. I get on the train and sat next to a woman. She gets a whiff and her leg starts twitching, she starts breathing all hard, starts stroking her neck, and rubbing her leg up against mine, you know something you might see from a girl in heat in the summertime. This type of scenario went on all day more or less and climaxed where as Im on my way home on transit this girl went from staring me down to opening me w/o me saying a word. Been awile sinse that happened

I dont know where you get your mathmatics, but man you be right on point. Alot of stuff you write I might of subconsiencly knew or half way speculated or figuered or heard some older dudes talk about; I know its about picking up patterns, you seem to have a clear veiw, I can be kinda foggy sometimes.

Anyway, sorry this is so long I but whats your opinion on the different brands of soap? What's your take on Irish Spring? Dove? Any feedback would be appreciated, thanks.

Chase Amante's picture


Cool story about working construction. And hearing how the Right Guard Sport worked out for you on the train put a big smile on my face! I don't know what they put in that stuff...

Soaps I don't have much of an opinion on. I used Cetaphil soap for my skin for a while (oily skin), but ended up using just whatever was handy about 3 years back. I've used Dove and a bunch of others... women will tell me my skin smells good, but that can be with Dove, with some generic soap, or when I haven't showered in a while at all. My feeling is the smell of soap is a bit too light to make much of a difference. Then again, I haven't talked to women about that one or looked for any research on it, so I might be missing something on soap.

I'd say, if it's one you're very much interested in, spend a little time asking the women you meet if there's a specific soap they really like the smell of on men. You might get some interesting replies...


Brian48's picture

OK, man thanks Chase.

Anonymous's picture

I was wondering if you could to a How to be a Sexy Man 2.0 sort of like an update on it as some of the concepts are rather vague. Maybe you could include some of the byronic stuff and are there any sort of styles like artist, daredevil, etc. that work best with women? Cheers

Chase Amante's picture


I'll jot it down on the list. Yeah, it's been a while since I wrote that article; I'm sure my ability to communicate things properly has improved a bit since then, and there are a lot more articles on the site that get into some nuts and bolts on sexiness that aren't included in the original. I'll see what I can do there.


ryan's picture

Hey Chase,
I was wondering if you could write an article about what to do if you want to be good friends with a girl. All your articles have been really helpful but i'm not sure how to apply the techniques to a girl whom seducing would be inappropriate, but you still want her to admire and respect you as a good friend. Could you write something about this please? Thank you :)

Chase Amante's picture


I've already got it on the list, in fact... another commenter asked about that one a little while back. I'll make a note on there about your comment too - try and get it up a little sooner.


Rebel's picture

"Infinite uses the great example of how boys treat girls as children, and how for the men who do best with women, this never really changes."

Wow, interesting. It's funny because I've been saying that lately to some friends. I feel like I have to act as if women are children. It's odd how a lot of this stuff really does come natural to me. It's the pointless nervousness/uncertainty that gets me to make mistakes.. (which comes from inexperience above anything else)

Chase Amante's picture


Yes... at the core, all of us aren't much changed from childhood, except that we've generally grown a hard outer shell to protect the ego on the outside.

When you can step around that shell and interact with the little girl who's still in there, you've instantly gotten a lot more "real" with her than almost anyone else she meets. And experience is the way to teach your brain that it has little to fear, because nothing's really changed with her since childhood except that you've got to work a bit harder to bring the real her out to play...


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