Book Excerpts: How to Let a Girl Know You Like Her

how to let a girl know you like herIf you've read the post on auto-rejection, then you know a big problem facing most guys in the Western world isn't that they come on too strong... but that they don't come on strong enough, and women end up assuming they just aren't all that into them... which leads women to then auto-reject, close up, and go cold to protect their own emotions. And if that's happening to you, that's probably because you're like most guys in the West these days, and you don't yet have too firm a grasp on how to let a girl know you like her.

What is it, exactly, with this plague of tentative men these days? It seems like the average guy nowadays is so afraid of rejection that he isn't willing to stick his neck out at all - or else he goes into things with the "just friends" angle, then get surprised and upset when they end up in the friend zone.

No - as you get to know a girl, it's important that you also know how to let a girl know you like her - and that you go about doing exactly that.

The section of my eBook How to Make Girls Chase: Every Tactic and Technique You Need to Get the Girl(s) of Your Dreams including in this blog post today centers on precisely how to do that - how to let a girl know you like her - while you're interacting with her, so she knows she's getting somewhere with you. You'll notice the advice here is built around nonverbal communication - that's different from the more standard "statement of intent" stuff you'll hear bandied about at times, that doesn't actually work. Women, it turns out, are more interested in what you're doing than what you're saying.

On with our excerpt:

When a woman leaves a man due to his attainability being too low, it’s known as auto-rejection; basically, the point at which a woman automatically rejects a man to protect her own ego, because she subconsciously decides that continuing to try to get what she wants from him will only result in her getting herself hurt and disappointed.

The reason that nonverbal attainability is a step up in effectiveness is the same as the reason why all forms of nonverbal technology in romance and seduction are more effective than their verbal counterparts: people respond more strongly to the nonverbal. Nonverbal signals are processed more easily and deeper in the brain than verbal; and nonverbal is difficult to fake so others inherently trust it more.

Here’s some good solid nonverbal techniques to get you started:

  • Slow smiles: these are great to use at various points in the conversation when a girl is telling you something clever or funny. Much better than launching into a rapid, automatic, thoughtless smile. They communicate that you’re thinking about what she’s saying, and help you cement a bond with her much faster
  • Touch: when you touch on high points and use protective touching (e.g., putting your arm in front of her as she’s stepping out into the street in order to stop her from walking into traffic, or placing your hand on her lower back to guide her through a crowd), it cements the bond quite strongly and demonstrates that you are looking out for her and are concerned for her
  • Leaning in: this has to be done right. If it’s overdone, it looks tryhard; if it’s underdone, a man can come off as disinterested. Play around with it and learn what works. Generally, when she’s telling you something very personal, or that is otherwise of great interest, you should be leaning in; when the conversation is not as intriguing, let yourself lean back a bit
  • Pulling in: this is more for intermediate guys up, but one very powerful thing to do with women is to physically pull them into you. Grab a girl’s arm and pull her (gently but firmly) close to you, or wrap your arm around her shoulders and reel her in. Be careful with this. Social veterans can take liberties pulling girls in even if they struggle a bit, but guys just starting out ought to take it slow and probably even skip this entirely until they get a better feel for being physical with women.
  • Paying attention during the important stuff: not just leaning in, but fixing your eyes firmly on her and giving her rapt attention when she is talking about issues that are serious or have emotionally affected her. It’s best to balance this by being a bit less attentive during less serious conversations – e.g., occasionally looking out the window to the side, or examining your food or drink, or visibly drifting briefly off into space. Very important to show her that you care enough to pay attention when she’s discussing personal, meaningful stuff with you though – it’s easy to drop attainability fast if this is forgotten or overlooked

The vast majority of these techniques are dependent on what she is doing; when she does good things, reward her; when she shares personal details, pay attention; when she laughs at your wit, touch her; when she looks at you longingly, pull her in and get physically close. Only a few (screening, protective touching) aren’t outright dependent on her actions.

By employing nonverbal attainability techniques to let women know you're interested in them and find them engaging and entrancing, you set aside their fears you find them dull, uninteresting, or unappealing, and relax them to be able to open up to you and really start to form a connection.

Once you've got these down, you'll never need to worry about how to let a girl know you like her again... because you'll be doing it automatically.

Of course, you've got to back up all that interest you're showing with action - so don't just talk, take her hand and lead her somewhere (preferably, somewhere the two of you will be alone... and don't stop there!).

And if you want even more in-depth details on how to get the girls you like opening up to you and getting to know you even more, you'll want to grab a copy of my eBook. In it, an unbelievably comprehensive, 406-page how-to guidebook on picking up and getting together with girls, I break the process down step-by-step into the most minute details so you understand everything, and then I sum it all back up again in an easy-to-remember, easy-to-follow and dead simple to use process to get you getting wild success with the girls of your dreams today. If you haven't picked up your copy yet, you owe it to yourself to go here and download it right now:


Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.


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Greg's picture

Hi Chase long time reader first time commenter.

So recently I started very minimal contact with a girl I used to be interested in high school. I'm in college now and shes about to graduate High School. Basically, I am not completely sure how to increase our contact or get her out to put some of your strategies to work.

I debated hinting that I like her and want to go out, but game is a little bit different when you cannot actually see the person in person. So any suggestions? I don't even have her phone number yet just facebook friends with extremely minimal conversation.

Would hinting at my interest in her be to direct at this point? We were really just friends in class and never had any contact outside of it if that means anything. I never did make a move during high school I wasn't as confident then as I am now.


EJ's picture

i think you could try talking to the people who go to the high school she goes to and hang out with them. you can have them try to hang out with her after school and you could tag along. once your all together than you can make your move. get her number and than you can ask her out

Anonymous's picture

Hey chase. I think your a mad scientist. I'm actually kinda amazed. Anyways here's my issue, I'm 27 had a kid with my now ex when I was 23. We were together for 6 years until Jan this year. At which that point I went to Canada for a month and she began seeing a guy in LA, we live in nor cal. I got home she wouldn't let me in, or see my son. Long story short as I can make it. Went thru court all winter, completely bankrupted my self on attorneys 2 get my son back. We became mortal enemies. I start reading our stuff on here 2 apply 2 other women, and just as an experiment also on my ex. Who was prob the last woman on earth that would want 2 sleep with me. But using some posture/body language proper eye contact and law of least effort, I ended up sleeping with her last night. Very awkward seeing as there's 1 more final court date for her Ina few days for slapping me and I charged her with assault. And she's still seeing this guy in LA. I guess my big question is how do I interact with her now when I see her. I'm still unwisely kinda in love with her, but know I can't be warm to her after all she's put me thru. And it's been tough getting dates with new girls with having a four year old I now take care of as a single dad. Any advice from you would be deeply appreciated. Thanks 4 providing real advice to men unpolegetcally bro.

Timothy's picture

first time reading your blog and Ive been disinterring post after post, amazing material, something that makes a lot more intuitive sense than old "game" theory with a complicated Hodge podge of social rules

my questions is this

how do you show interest and yet retain the idea that you're a challenge, but you'll help her meet the challenge?

and why is this so very important?

here's what I'm talking about (an excerpt from your post

Him: You can be my Bond girl.

Her: Totally.

Him: Too bad the Bond girl is different in every movie. I kind of like you.

Her: [laughs]

Him: Maybe I'll lobby the writers to keep you around for two movies. Like, a sequel or something.

Her: [laughs]

They're bonding here. He uses roleplay to imply that he's a little hard to get but still working to help her get with him. See that? He's hard for her to get, but he's on her side and he's trying to help her be with him despite how hard a guy he is to get. If he's too hard to get, she'll close up and go cold. If he's trying to help her get him but he's not hard to get, she'll think he's too easy and get bored. If, however, he's hard to get, and gunning for her and trying to help her succeed… well… now she's intrigued.

Anonymous's picture

Hi Chase

I think your great,but I need help with a dilemma
I like this girl but she is super popular
She normally is VERY freindly and always says hi in the corridor
She is in another class though and we never talk much
Here's the tricky bit were both 11 years old but she has had many boyfriends
one of which is my close friend

Anonymous's picture

A little too young for this I guess. I think it's best that you talk to your friend first. You might lose your close friend without even getting that girl your both like.

Yves's picture

Hello Chase,
I read a few of your blogs and a lot of the things you talk about come naturally to me with girls I'm physically attracted to, but I seem to lose all my skills when it comes to girls I have genuine feelings for. Any ideas? Much thanks.

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