What to Do When She Tells You She’s Pregnant

Brian-

Well, she can, but what you’re doing here is signaling to her that you’re not going to make it easy for her. Basically, this is going to be a combative thing if she wants to unilaterally go down this road and drag you along against your will.

She’ll have to lawyer up, and she’ll have to get a judgment against you. After that, she’ll have to enforce that judgment. If you move around a lot or don’t stick to the same city, that may mean suddenly you drop off the grid and she doesn’t know where you are, and now she’s having to hire private investigators to track you down from state to state trying to locate you. And then when she does now she needs to have another state try to pry child support money from you. If you’re mobile enough to not even live in the United States anymore, it gets even tougher – they’re not going to extradite you for back child support payments.

If she gets hostile and starts telling you well I’m having this child, and you’re paying for it, whether you want to or not, then you respond with equal hostility and tell her good luck finding me each time I move, I hope you’ve got tons of cash to burn on private investigators or Godspeed getting child support payments from me when I’m living in Columbia. The goal here isn’t necessarily to be a deadbeat dad, it’s to kill her hostility and bring her back to the negotiating table, instead of having her try to decide for you how you’re going to spend the next 18 years of your life.

But for sure, societies will always be in favor of forcing fathers to support their offspring, as you point out, for obvious (social) reasons. Not always fair to the individual, but certainly practical for the society.

Chase

Troy-

Paternity test or pregnancy test?

Most women do pregnancy tests as soon as they suspect they might be pregnant; it’s pretty engrained in most even somewhat-developed countries these days.

As for paternity test, use your judgment. If she goes out without you or her time ever seems even vaguely unaccounted for, or you have the slightest inkling of suspicion, I’d just get one to be safe. If you’re 100% sure she’s always at home and never does anything that’d make her an infidelity risk and you’re otherwise a pretty perceptive guy, you’re probably safe.

The stats on cuckolding are that if you don’t think you need a paternity test, there’s only something like a 1.5% chance the child isn’t yours (although if you’re French I think that’s closer to 4%). On the other hand, if you think you need a paternity test, there’s something like a 30% chance the child isn’t yours. So if you want one, do get one.

As for going bareback, only do it if you’re comfortable having a child with the girl. The morning after pill if you use it religiously is 97% effective, which means 97 times out of 100 when she COULD HAVE gotten pregnant, she won’t. 3 times out of 100 when she could have gotten pregnant, she will still get pregnant. If she’s got an average window of 3 fertile days / month, with a 30% shot at pregnancy each month if you’re cumming in her on her fertile days, and she religiously takes the morning after pill, you’ve got about a 12% chance per year of knocking her up (if my math’s right, and it often isn’t). Not to mention the morning after pill is a huge dose of hormones that screws tremendously with a woman’s body – it’s not something she’s going to take every day. It’s emergency use only.

If you’re relying on her to take the birth control pill, most women aren’t clockwork people and will forget from time to time. Not to mention if a woman decides she wants a baby with you she may “forget” to take her pill forever onward from a certain point forward.

So, back to my advice: save bareback for girls you wouldn’t mind getting pregnant. If you’re shooting loads in her, expect that one of them sooner or later leads to baby-making.

As for porn stars, I don’t know too much about pregnancy rates in the porn industry, though I imagine most female stars are (unlike many non-porn-doing women) religious about their birth control.

Chase

Lawliet-

Only times I’ve had condoms break were when I did multiple rounds in the same condom (lesson: never do that – once you cum in a condom, take it off), or if I put the condom on wrong and there was an air bubble inside it. So long as you’re buying a good brand, not leaving air bubbles inside (take it off and get a new one if there is one), and not going multiple rounds in a condom after you’ve already ejaculated into it, you’ll be fine.

I would note that condoms will slip off if they’re too small for you, at least in my experience, so if you encounter condoms sliding off, try using a bigger size and see if that keeps it on. Seems counterintuitive; you would think if it comes off it’s too big, but it actually seems to be more that a too-small condom squeezes off, rather than falling off.

As for relating to people you can’t yet relate to: get more reference points.

The more you spend time around them and get to know them, the easier and easier you will find it to relate.

Chase

Eh, no one's going to flame you on here, Lao Che!

Coitus interruptus (ejaculating outside her body) is usually enough, I'll agree.

The risks of it are that you can still impregnate her from precum (the risk is much lower than standard ejaculate, but it's still present), and there's also the risk of you not controlling yourself, OR her being a bad girl and wrapping her legs around you just as you're about to cum and not letting you pull out.

I've had girls do the latter to me a few times. If she's hot and sexy, and she's wrapping her legs around you to keep you in her and have you fill her up with your baby batter, even if you know better and you have the strength to force yourself out of her, it's not always the easiest decision in the world ;)

No matter what you do there's always some risk. Pulling out has a much lower risk than cumming inside her outright, but it's still a fair bit riskier than wrapping it up.

Anyway, I'm not here to tell anyone what to do or not to - just to provide the information for them to make up their own minds about with!

Chase

Stef-

Yes, that's an option.

I'm not sure if I'd tell her that's an option, because that's a really tricky negotiation. Why do you want to be involved in your son's/daughter's life, but you don't want to stay with me?

Also, in practice, from what I've seen, most men if they like the girl enough to want to be involved with a child they have with her will want to stay with the girl, too, or if they don't like the girl enough to stay with her won't want to be involved in raising a child they have with her. I'm sure there are exceptions though.

Chase

Stef-

Well, that’s a giant can of worms!

In a nutshell, here’s my stance:

• Third trimester abortions are morally equivalent to taking a newborn and swinging it against a tree trunk at full force, as far as I’m concerned (that’s how they killed the children of educated and wealthy people in communist Cambodia). The whole “suck the baby’s brains out with a tube” bit they use for these, or “carve the baby up with a scalpel and take the parts out” is sickening

• Second trimester abortions are a super gray area – if the baby is deformed or mentally retarded, I can make my peace with it, but it’s sad. Otherwise, I don’t see a reason for these unless the girl is early teens and was scared / didn’t know, or some highly extenuating, dramatic circumstance like that

• First trimester abortions I’m not fond of, but I’d prefer to err on the side of these being legal than women having to wander into back alleys and have some hack use a coat hanger on them. Even with these, I’ve seen women get really sad and regretful after even very early-stage abortions, and I’ve seen many women go from neutral on abortion to vehemently anti-abortion once they’ve had one, so this is one where I think it’s just really important to make sure the woman’s fully educated on what the process is – though a woman who feels like she’s under duress to make a decision will still make decisions she’ll regret later, but that she had to make give her circumstance, unfortunately

Chase

Chaz-

Sticky situation with no easy way out.

Have you considered telling her you want to do an open relationship? Sounds like that would probably be the best fit for where you’re at right now.

Chase

JGIG-

I’m afraid I don’t understand the FWB reference you’re trying to reward her for. It sounds like she is a platonic friend of yours or a girl you are pursuing, and she mentioned the possibility of becoming friends with benefits with you?

The best way to reward that would be to bring her physically close, stare in her eyes, smile at her sexy, and make her feel incredibly warm and excited for having proposed something like this to you.

Then, ideally, give her the FWB relationship she wants.

As for blaming herself, just say, “Nah, that’s not your fault, it’s not even worth worrying about.” Sometimes women will take the blame to try and goad you into assuming the blame, but this is almost never something you want to do.

Chase

Daz-

Thanks for the shares, I wasn't aware of either of these.

The 2% pregnancy risk with condoms comes from condom misuse: putting the condom on wrong (leaving air pockets inside), using the wrong size condom and having it slip off, reusing a condom multiple times (ejaculating in it once, resting, then continuing on with sex with the same condom still on - the condom will break), pulling out with her keeping her legs or vulva extremely tight and sucking the condom off of you, etc. So long as you're following proper condom protocol pregnancy is out of the cards; if you're not though, there is that risk.

Quick research on papaya seeds says that you supposedly need 90 days of taking the correct amount for your body weight daily to reach the point of having no active sperm. Or at least that's how it worked in monkeys, and seems to be how Indians and Sri Lankan men use it.

Contragel sounds interesting. I haven't read the research on it, but if it holds up it might be a good alternative for those in relationships who want to get off condoms. Could also be worthwhile to cart around some with you if you're not so good about using condoms with girls first time, though maybe you wouldn't be too good at slathering yourself and her with gel prior to entry this way either!

Chase

Lawliet-

On condom breaks, see my reply to you earlier.

On how to run dates from beginning to end, and how to escalate step-by-step... well, sit tight a couple more months, because a big chunk of the content in my upcoming course is on the "Chase method for dates" and escalation ;)

Chase