Understanding Love: How it Works in Romance and Relationships

We’ve been talking a lot about love lately, including in the posts on how to not fall in love and answering the question should you say I love you. What I want to go into today is a focus on understanding love and how it works - more specifically, the chemicals in your brain that cause that temporary madness that comes over us when we find someone captivating, and the process we all go through as love matures.

The best book about this topic is probably Why We Love by Helen Fisher. Fisher is considered THE authority on the subject, and you would do yourself a huge favor by reading her book – it will really help you to understand a lot of what’s going on underneath the surface when we fall in love.

In the meantime, here are some of the biochemical substances that get released between two people who have a crush on each other:

Ricardus Karea Domino

Author

Ricardus was one of the most prolific and respected coaches in the men’s dating advice industry. He’s dated some of the planet’s most beautiful women, ranging from a Miss World contestant, to a model for Coca-Cola, to one of “Brazil’s Next Top Models.” His specialty is daytime street stops. He is most remembered for his “Are you single?” opening line. Ricardus is currently retired from the dating advice industry.

Comments

Wow

Posted by James S (not verified) on Friday, 17 August 2012

Ricardus - another amazing post. Reading the bit about the subconcious mind and mating strategy was truly an "Aha" moment - "your subconscious quickly calculates what would give you the best chances of replication in your current situation."

It is so obvious when you think about it given that deep down we just animals looking to breed!

When I go through dry spells I find myself pining for and often booty calling old flings and exes. As you say, my mind is just looking for the "best chances of replication in the current situation". I immediately regret it afterwards - but the emotional mind is one powerful force to try and stop!

The mating strategy and mind tricks you describe in the article are obviously very true for men. My question though is - what is the equivalent subconcious mind impulse for women? We've all seen teenage girls go hysterically mad at boy bands, rock stars etc. Men just do not behave the same way. Is a woman's subconcious mating strategy stronger and sometimes even more impulsive than a mans? What are the differences? How can men use that knowledge to our advantage (without having to join a boyband!)?

Looking forward to the new book coming out. JS