You arrive in a new town. Maybe you move into your new place, maybe you start to explore the city’s attractions, maybe you check outsome restaurants.
But wherever you go, you can’t seem to get away from that one
dominating thought. No matter what you do, your mind keeps coming back
to it: finding attractive, single
It can be somewhat intimidating to go out and find single women in a new town, or even an old one. But in reality… it’s really quite easy. And today I’m going to outline exactly where to find these not-so-elusive single women, and how these places can be applied to pretty much any city.
Did you ever watch the show Seinfeld back in the day (or maybe still do)? If not, I’m sure you’ve at least heard of the show. The important part for our purposes is that the show follows the journey of a man (Jerry Seinfeld) who,among other things, brings various women into his life.
One of my favorite scenes from the show is where Jerry is talking to one of the other characters (George) in a drug store. It’s a pretty innocuous scene from the episode entitled “The Stranded”, where George is trying to convince Jerry to come with him to a party. The interaction goes like this:
George: It’s supposed to be a good party.
Jerry: What does that mean? Good dip?
George: No, there’ll be girls there.
Jerry: There’s girls everywhere. I go out of my apartment, there’s girls in the elevator. They’re in cafeterias, subways, so what?
Even though it’s a brief exchange, I love this scene every time I encounter it because it speaks to a delusion that so many men seem to fall under: the delusion that women are a scarce resource. Jerry plays the role of the contrarian in the show, and in that role he ends up getting the most women (no coincidence).
This scene belies the real truth of our social world: women are an abundant resource. In fact, they comprise approximately half of the planet’s population.
But have you ever had that feeling that makes you think otherwise?
That feeling where you meet an amazing new girl, and you’re just so in sync with her, and have all of the same goals and aspirations and interests as she does? You can’t help but think to yourself: “Wow, I don’t know if I’ll ever meet a girl like this again.”
And even though you rationally tell yourself that there are billions of other girls in this world, and perhaps thousands or millions more in your own city, you manage to latch onto the fact that you’ll never meet another like this one again. You may even get to the point where you can’t stop thinking about her.
Then... it probably doesn’t work out for one reason or another, and you pine over the fact that you’ll never find another one like her again.
But just when you think all is lost… you do find another girl. And she is even more amazing, more giving, more fun-loving – and you think “Wow. This is really it. All the other girls of my past… they are nothing compared to this one. I know that I will never find another like her again.”
And maybe you end up with her. And maybe things do go really, really well for a while.
And then… they fizzle out, and you pine over the fact she really was the be-all-end-all of your love life.
And then you find another amazing girl – and you start the process all over again.
I used to be this guy. And if I know anything about my fellow men, I bet many of you can relate to this narrative. I used to just fall for one girl after another, and think that every amazing (or even just above average) girl that I met was the be-all-end-all of women.
But after a while, after meeting tons and tons and tons of women, I realized that yes, there are certainly some exceptional women out there. But no woman is irreplaceable. You think that the girl you have a crush on is beautiful? There are tons of more beautiful ones out there. And I don’t mean beautiful by society’s standards – I mean your perfect 10.
You think your girl is smart? There are tons of smarter girls out there. You think your girl is loving? There are tons of more loving girls out there (try being with a Filipina).
You think your girl is the perfect girl for you? There are always going to be many girls out there who are better for you in one way or another.
The fact is: women are everywhere. Attractive women are everywhere. Women are an abundant resource. And until you accept this fact, you’re not going to be able to fully take advantage of the myriad places where you can meet a great girl.
I should add that I’m purposely going to omit bars/clubs from this list because everyone knows that you can meet single women at bars and clubs. Chase has an amazing post on getting girls in bars and clubs. Meeting people is exactly what those places are designed for. So it goes without saying that you can and should meet single women there.
I wanted to go for more unconventional places that are still good atmospheres to find women that are single. But before we get too far ahead of ourselves, let’s focus on the first step.
Get Out of the House
The first and most important step to find a woman in any town is simply getting out of your house and putting yourself in a situation where you can encounter them. It’s amazing to me how many guys complain about the fact that they can’t meet women in their new town (or even their old town!), but make almost no effort to actually go out and meet them.
So as simple as it may seem, the first step to finding single women in any town is to actually go out and look and approach and meet them. Until you make that commitment, you’re not going to make any kind of significant progress.
And the great thing about meeting women in unconventional places (as opposed to bars) is that they actually remember you. You stand out because it’s still done so infrequently. It’s a valuable, yet untapped resource.
I understand that embarking on any new path in life is never easy. But it’s funny how much progress you can make once you start to get some initial momentum. The most important thing to do is to find the energy and will to take the first step – in every sense. So step out of your house, your comfort zone, and actually make a commitment to meet new women and bring them into your life.
So now… the list.
Funky Coffee Shops
The coffee shop has always been a classic place to find a smart, open-minded girl to start a conversation with. However, as I frequent more and more coffee shops, I’m starting to notice that in bigger cities the chains are becoming more and more of a mixed bag. You’ll see old people, businessmen, and the occasional cute girl alike.
So upon noticing this trend, I asked myself where all of the cute girls had gone; the answer: all the cute girls go to funky, local coffee shops. These are the places with the crazy furniture or the hipster baristas or the palm tree in the middle for no reason. These places seem to be teeming with attractive single women who have grown tired of the Starbucks crowd.
So if you’re looking to chat up a smart, thoughtful (and single) girl, visit funky coffee shops.
In the same way that all the attractive single women have left the conventional coffee shops, these ladies have also left the conventional supermarket. Nowadays, if you want to find attractive women, find the healthiest supermarket around. Not only will the women be cute, but you also know that they live a health-conscious lifestyle (need I say more?).
If you don’t know what to say, just pick some obscure health food that few people eat and ask her if she’s heard of it. And then follow up by saying that you eat that food every day, and that you just thought she was cute.
In the same way that you will find fit, healthy women at a health-food supermarket, you will also find women that are single in a yoga class. And the trendier, the better (noticing a pattern here?).
Yoga has the added benefit of being really great for the male body as well, so there’s intrinsic value in going even if there weren’t any single women there (which there are). And if you don’t know how to strike up a conversation, you can always talk about how you’re new to yoga and need some “expert” tips.
The Capitol Hill
Every major city has a capitol hill. It’s usually an area near the downtown city center (where the capitol building is) where all of the young professionals live. Which means that there are also plenty of women there. Furthermore, capitol hill areas tend to have the funky/unique bars and restaurants that single women in their twenties tend to gravitate towards.
So if you’re in a medium or large city:
Locate the capitol hill
Look up a good venue (or just ask someone)
Go to the capitol hill
Thank me later
Professional Networking Events
There are two kinds of professional networking events. The first is usually held at an office or hotel, and involves real business conversation and transaction.
The second is usually held around dinnertime at a bar, and is usually where people go to “network” – i.e., find men that are single and find women that are single. So if you live in a decent-sized city – or just moved to one – hit up a website like Meetup or look up professional groups that do weekly/monthly networking events. It’s a great way to meet driven women who undoubtedly also want to meet you.
A Park or Beach
These are both classic locales. Parks and beaches are where people go to relax, enjoy some sunshine, do light workouts and generally have fun. Because of this fact, people in parks and on beaches are usually in a really good mood, so it’s a great place to meet really open, care-free single women. Ricardus also wrote a great post on beach game worth checking out before you go.
I really, really like public events for meeting single women. These are things like parades, festivals, free concerts, etc. People enter public events with the mindset of doing something out of the ordinary; so if you approach a woman during such an event, you get associated with that state of mind and she becomes excited to meet you.
And everyone goes to public events – even women who don’t go out very often. So not only will you have a great quantity to pick from, but the quality will often be there as well.
Any Latin-Themed Venue
There’s just something about the sexiness of Latin culture. And Western women (especially those in the U.S./Canada) are absolutely obsessed with it. Latin venues are where women go to let loose and feel truly sexually free. They go expecting to meet men, and expecting to have a strong man’s hands all over them.
And the best part? They can do all of this without feeling judged. They can completely let loose because that’s exactly what’s expected of them in a Latin venue.
So if you really want to meet single women who are feeling sexual, plant yourself inside of a Latin venue. You may even learn a thing or two.
The street is by far the easiest place to meet women that are single. Why? Because everyone needs to be on the street at some point – without fail. Even the models need to walk down the street sometimes. And I think subconsciously most guys are aware of this fact. But, what most guys also subconsciously think is that a girl on the street has more important or worthwhile things to do than meet them.
However, you should realize that just as much as you’re searching for a high-value girl, a girl is “searching” (albeit usually more passively) for a great guy to meet as well. Most of the time a girl is simply living her ordinary life: talking to her friends, going to her job, and playing Candy Crush. They are not some secret agents who don’t have time to get tied down interacting with a high-value man.
It’s further important to consider that women peak very early and don’t have much time to actually spend in their prime. It’s funny because men see women as these pristine creatures that are the ideal objects of desire, but in reality, women are quite aware of their own ticking clocks.
Here are some important facts about women that all men should understand:
Despite what women may say, they know that ~75% percent of their value (biologically) is linked with their physical looks
Women are at their peak between the ages of 18-29
Women are far more paranoid about upholding their value than men are (much more)
Once a woman passes her mid-twenties, she develops a sense of urgency in terms of locking down a quality man
Woman are just human beings, and the hotter they are, the more desperately they want to be treated as such
On the other hand, if a man is living his life in the right way, a man’s value only increases as he gets older. This is because a man’s value isn’t really linked with his physical appearance. Men are very functional. I always say that we were created to “get the job done.” And because of this fact, a man’s value is much more linked with:
His ability to influence other people
The number of valuable experiences he’s been able to accrue throughout his life
His capacity to lead others
His thirst for adventure and a little bit of danger
His ability to provide for himself and his family
His ability to protect his loved ones – both in a literal and metaphorical sense
Once you understand these true value imbalances, you can understand that women are desperately trying to meet a high-value man – even on the street.
Online Dating and Tinder
The younger generations seem to be using online dating and Tinder as a more and more viable option for meeting other singles. And surprisingly enough, there are actually quite a few attractive – and even educated – women on sites like OKCupid and even on Tinder.
Here are some things you should keep in mind with these avenues:
Read Chase’s post on online dating
Online dating is racially prejudiced. An unfortunate fact, but an incontrovertible one nevertheless. White men are seen as harmless/playful, so they can get away with much more in this realm
Always have something about how you’re “new” or “just got back in town” on your profile
It’s all about meeting them in person. If you don’t move the interaction with a girl from your phone/computer to an actual physical interaction, then you can never do things like go on dates, touch, and have sex with them
If you follow these general rules, you can actually meet quite a few
quality girls with online dating and Tinder. My friend group very
endearingly calls one of our members the “Tinder
Bro”, because he’s only been
on it for 3 weeks, but he is a well-dressed white man, so he’s gotten
over 150 matches with many a cute girl…
The Wrap Up: Don’t Fear Square One
At the end of the day, most men understand that beautiful women are in fact an abundant resource. But the reason why they cling on to one specific girl is that they have a fear of square one. It’s the sunk-cost fallacy at its best.
They figure that they’ve poured so much time and energy into this one girl that they don’t want to go through the prospects of rejection, opening, building rapport, and trying to escalate and connect with a new girl all over again. And the more time they’ve put into one specific girl, the greater the fear they have of letting her go.
But with women, as in life, the only way to really motivate yourself and get the freedom to make things happen is the let go of toxic situations. There is really no other way. So if you find yourself in a situation that isn’t working out, ask yourself:
How much have I invested in this girl?
How much have I gained for my efforts?
Does this girl respect me and my time?
Does she appreciate me?
If you find that the honest answers to these questions aren’t so positive, now ask yourself:
Am I afraid to let her go?
Can I honestly tell myself that I won’t meet another girl like her again? In the weeks, months, years, and decades of my life – not one girl like her will ever pop up?
Am I afraid of being truly single and not having anyone or anything to fall back on?
What would I tell a friend to do if they were in my situation?
Based on honest answers to these questions, I trust that you’ll know what you have to do. I often tell people that they really don’t need advice most of the time. Most of the time people know exactly what they need to do. It’s just a matter of actually doing it.
Don’t be afraid of square one. Square one is where amazing things happen. Square one is where you open yourself to so many amazing opportunities because it’s go big or go home (alone). Square one is where you’re truly honest with yourself. Square one is where you see quantum leaps of improvement. Embrace it.
Beautiful women are all around. It’s all a matter of going and getting them.