What's the best way to pick up girls? You might be surprised by what can influence a woman's receptiveness... even something like being on birth control or not.
A fascinating study, "Relationship satisfaction and outcome in women who meet their partner while using oral contraception," was several days ago published in the Proceedings of the Royal Society B. Researchers from the UK decided to look at the differences in women who began dating men while on birth control, and those who started dating men when they weren't on birth control.
What they found was this:
“Women who used OC scored lower on measures of sexual satisfaction and partner attraction, experienced increasing sexual dissatisfaction during the relationship, and were more likely to be the one to initiate an eventual separation if it occurred. However, the same women were more satisfied with their partner's paternal provision, and thus had longer relationships and were less likely to separate.”
In other words, using birth control (or oral contraception -- "OC") leads to women ending up with men they're less attracted to, are sexually dissatisfied with, increasingly become more sexually dissatisfied with as the relationship progresses, and the women more often are the ones to call the relationship off eventually. On the plus side, the men women on birth control end up with usually make better husbands and fathers, and their relationships lasted an average of two years longer.
The flip side of this is that women off birth control choose to mate and date with sexy men -- men they find more attractive, who give them better sex, and who they're less likely to initiate a breakup with -- but the breakups still happened, on average two years earlier than the men women met while on contraception. And it's more often the men doing the breaking up -- likely because these are more attractive men with more options with women who don't like staying tied down too long.
The reason for these huge differences in dating preferences -- why women on the pill are ending up with nice guys they're unsatisfied with but who make good dads, and why women off the pill end up with sexy guys they're excited by but who break up with them -- comes down to what the pill does chemically to women's brains -- and that works out to be some interesting stuff. Read on if you dare...
Fertility and Lust: When Women Want Bad Boys Most
Life's hard for nice guys. If you still have an inkling of attachment to the nice guy mantle though, here's some pretty definitive scientific evidence that you ought to reconsider.
A study by Steve Gangestad at the University of New Mexico, "Women's Preferences for Male Behavioral Displays Change Across the Menstrual Cycle," found that among 237 ovulating women (women off contraceptives, and in the midst of their fertile period), women became more attracted than at other times of the month to men who displayed the following traits:
- Social presence (confidence and social savvy)
- Direct intrasexual competitiveness (more sexy and appealing than other men; better able to vanquish other men in competitions)
- Masculine male faces (square jaw line, firm features, masculine smiles & eyes)
- The scent of symmetrical men
And another study, again by Steve Gangestad -- this one entitled "Conditional expression of women's desires and men's mate guarding across the ovulatory cycle" -- found that, among 38 women not using contraceptives, both single women and women in relationships began flirting more with other men during ovulation, and the boyfriends and husbands of those women in relationships began guarding them more jealously. Noteworthy though was that this happened most with women who rated their partners as low on the desirability scale; women with less attractive mates became more flirtatious and, presumably, more open to taking another, more attractive lover.
If you're reading this and you still think of yourself as a nice guy, don't lose heart; this isn't anything conscious, evil, or manipulative that women are doing -- it's hardcoded into human DNA, they can't control it, and the vast majority of them aren't even conscious of it. It's simply that if a man comes across weaker and less desirable, a woman's more likely to look for a stronger man when she's in the part of her cycle when she can conceive.
Mating is all about reproduction, ultimately, and we all want to have the fittest, strongest, healthiest children -- so if a woman doesn't feel her partner can give her that, her genes kick in to tell her to start searching for it elsewhere.
All this adds incontrovertible proof to the pudding that, yes, girls like bad boys and nice guys finish last, despite what you'll hear on daytime TV or in those movies where the nice guy defeats the bad bad boy and gets the girl. All that's just feelgood stuff to reassure the nice guys that they'll get theirs in the end if they wait around long enough -- here instead is the truth, though.
And it's a truth that'll strike as downright jarring and unpleasant for a guy that hasn't worked to develop himself into a sexy, exciting man.
But it's also one that's really, really telling and affirming for those of us who are out there every day busting our chops to become what women truly want.
Tales of Fertility, Betrayal, and Jealousy
I've been at this a fair amount of time, and I've seen a goodly lot in that time as well.
I've taken a fair number of girls to bed who had lovers, boyfriends, and husbands. Sometimes I knew beforehand; oftentimes I didn't. I'm certain there must have been girls along the way in various stages of relationships that I never found out about, too.
There've been different studies that've shown that men respond differently to fertile women: they pursue them more aggressively, are more likely to compete for them with other men, and find them more attractive than similar looking women who aren't ovulating. That makes sense from an evolutionary perspective -- the men who identified fertile women and mated with them were most likely to pass on their genes, and we'd all today be necessarily descended from those men and thus retain their same inclinations.
I've had a number of women -- probably mostly fertile women -- flirting with me heavily, and at times about to leave a bar or a nightclub with me, only to have a (very angry) boyfriend or lover appear to drag her away or try and fight me. I've had lustful, likely fertile women I was picking up but moving too slow with (doesn't happen anymore really, but 3 or 4 years ago it would) begin bringing other men into the fray and flirting with them heavily, putting pressure on me to close or step aside for the next suitor.
Point is, at least from my own anecdotal experience, I'll attest that women really do seem to behave noticeably different and a lot more lustily and short-term minded when they're fertile.
Honestly, the best way to pick up girls seems to entail, in part, recognizing those women that are most desirous of a new, attractive suitor taking them to bed expeditiously, and going for them. At times I've taken to asking new women I've bedded quickly when their last period was, and their answers have often planted them firmly in the part of the cycle at the time of the pick up where they're likely to be fertile and ovulating. They went to bed with me because I came across as a sexy man, and their bodies were looking to conceive.
Where Fertile Women Go, and What They Do
This quote from the last study referenced, on the conditional expression of women's desires during ovulation, had this interesting thing to say (among other interesting things):
“Near ovulation, both pair-bonded and single women reported feeling more physically attractive and having greater interest in attending social gatherings where they might meet men.”
I've read studies on the first one before -- that fertile women rate themselves as more attractive (and tend to denigrate other women's looks, as well) -- but the last one I hadn't heard assessed scientifically before, thought I certainly would've told you it seemed like ovulating women went out putting themselves in position to meet men more often than non-ovulating women did.
So now there's scientific evidence to back up the anecdotal findings: fertile women go out more often to places where they can meet men.
That means places and activities like:
- Bars and nightclubs
- Networking events
- Group social activities
- Spur-of-the-moment vacations (to Las Vegas; to the beach)
Anecdotally, I'd tell you that women prefer venues where they can meet new men over venues where they'll meet the same tired old guys from their social circle (whom they've already categorized as friends, coworkers, acquaintances, etc., and have lost the initial attraction they might've felt for any men who've already let attraction expire by not taking them as lovers soon after meeting them).
I'd tell you you're more likely to see women out alone when they're fertile, and I'd tell you you're more likely to run into horny women, who can sometimes be a little terse and impatient -- particularly if you haven't gotten your sexual vibe down yet and aren't getting investment quickly with women and moving fast with them (they don't want to waste time with men who aren't what they're looking for or won't give them what they want -- remember they aren't thinking this consciously, it's all unconscious emotions and responses).
You'll want to keep these things in mind:
- Women by themselves often get snapped up quick or get frustrated quick. For this reason, it's generally better to follow the mantra of "go out early and go out alone" if you want to pick up a girl who's by herself and looking for something to happen that night. If you've got friends with you, they can scare off a girl who's by herself or who's looking for a man she can sneak off anonymously into the night with, and if you go out later there's a good chance she's either been snapped up by another man or she's gotten fed up with being approached incessantly by men who don't make the cut, and she's gone home.
- Women who don't go out at night can be really excited to meet you during the daytime, but you can't let it slip by hesitating. If you meet women during the daytime, you'll see this sometimes -- women who are really, really excited to meet you. They're not jumping up and down, per se -- but their eyes widen, they can't seem to stop smiling, and their body language immediately shoots open to you. This is the same thing you'll see in nighttime venues when a girl is very interested, but you might be surprised to see it happen during the day.
This is often a sign a woman is ovulating or otherwise very intrigued by you -- you should try to move things fast with her and either take her home with you that day or grab her phone number and set up a date with her immediately the next day. If you wait too long with women like this though, to set up a first date or to take them to bed, their attraction will often cool off and slip into a more logical mode of shifting you into boyfriend consideration or the friend zone, so strike while the iron is hot.
- Fertile women are about 300% more impatient than non-ovulating women. Part of the reason why fertile women can seem so rude and abrupt is because they're on a mission, biologically speaking. If you've ever gone out with a mission to pick up (not a logical one, but an emotional one; you really, really wanted to find a girl to take home), you know what I'm talking about: you move rapidly from girl to girl, quickly switching off of those you can tell aren't interested or who're interested but warming up slowly, searching for one who's interested in you back and ready to go immediately. Fertile women are like this: they lose patience fast with men who don't show them the levels of interest or rapid interaction progression they're looking for, because they don't want men who can't or won't deliver occupying them and blocking them from meeting a man who can and will.
What all this means is, women who aren't ovulating are more easy-going, and more tolerant of nice guys and slow-moving guys and are kinder to them. Non-ovulating women who aren't looking for something right then can actually be a better experience for guys new to approaching women to learn from -- they're less intimidating, are more willing to stick around and shoot the breeze with a guy, are friendlier, and are less prone to jealousy games and rudeness and impatience. They can help you get your positive reference points up and start building good experiences meeting women if you're relatively green to dating and pick up and haven't had many good experiences with women before.
But... friendly, sociable, non-ovulating women are also a lot less likely to go home with you, too. For getting results, you need women who are open to having things happen.
The Best Way to Pick Up Girls: Get 'Em Fertile
How's that for a non-PC subheading? Take that, thought police...
Learning the mechanics of how to pick up a girl is one thing; determining the optimal time to do so and the best way to go about it is another still.
There really isn't anything you can do about the birth control pill. It might sound like a boon to nice guys -- it makes women more likely to end up in a relationship with a less sexy, less masculine man, which gives a better chance to guys who haven't upped their game in the sexiness and manliness departments yet -- but in fact those are bad things for your development if you're self-improvement focused. It takes pressure off of you momentarily to have to up your game, and gives you an artificial "win" -- you get the girl not because you made yourself more attractive, but because the chemicals she's putting in her body changed her standards.
And she isn't going to put those chemicals in her body forever, and when she stops, her standards are going to revert to what they would otherwise be -- leaving a nice guy she's with seeming like an increasingly disappointing option compared to what she now wants.
Because of that, I recommend you work on a few things first to start hitting those triggers that excite women most when they're fertile (the things that'll get you coming across like a powerful, sexual, masculine man):
- Social Presence: bars, nightclubs, parties, networking events, and social circle activities all will train different aspects of this. Primarily you want to work on your ability to address women's objections, handle disruptive men, and remain confident and unfazed in a variety of different situations and scenarios and continue leading women decisively no matter what. Opening and sparking new conversations rounds this out; a man who knows he's able to strike out on his own and meet new women at will exudes confidence.
- Being Sexy and Masculine: get your fundamentals handled -- get excellent posture, get a sexy voice, get cool facial hair, get good clothes, get strong eye contact, get a cool haircut. Over the longer term, slim down and put on some lean muscle mass. Get yourself to look like the kind of man women describe as sexy and appealing -- you can change your look dramatically in a reasonably short time if you try... the hardest part is really just knowing what to change, figuring out what looks good when you haven't focused much on that before, and being willing to make the change in the first place.
If you cover those, you'll have covered everything from the list of what women are most attracted to when they're fertile (well, except for having the "scent of a symmetrical man" -- not much you can do about that one; maybe spray on some Cool Water cologne? Very Sexy for Men from Victoria's Secret is also always a good bet, and plus you get to go into Victoria's Secret to go buy it).
Next, check out the post on how to "Tell if a Girl is Horny." That's going to give you a solid understanding of what to look for in women while you're out, and what traits and behaviors you should have your ears and eyes perked for to function as signals as to a woman's receptiveness to being picked up and seduced -- how much is she looking for a man right now, as opposed to just someone to talk to and be social with.
Ultimately, you want to be looking for the girls who are looking for you.
Not the ones who just want to be social and make new friends.
Not the ones who are kind of sort of maybe considering dating someone.
You want to find the women who are looking for a man like you. You'll know, because they'll respond noticeably well to you, and you'll feel a strong pull to them right away and it'll feel very certainly like that pull is being reciprocated -- the girls you're feeling this with are feeling it back too.
Then, it's all about moving quickly, following your process, and doing what needs to be done to turn a girl who's excited about the potential the two of you might have together into a girl who's actually your lover and has found what she was looking for -- in you.
See you soon.
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