What to Do When Girls Act Superior, Rude, and Aloof


Ever find yourself out somewhere, talking to a girl you've just met, and suddenly, inexplicably, have her begin to act superior? As though she knows exactly what you want, sees you through and through, and holds it within her power to give it to you... or not?

act superior

Or, every find yourself alone with a woman who earlier acted very interested in you, touching you, flirting with you, only to have her begin to behave rudely and aloof once the two of you were alone, telling you things outright like you couldn't have her or that she only wanted you as a friend?

Why do girls do this?

That is, why do girls show interest, lead a guy on... and then suddenly turn the tables, run what seems to be a power play like this, and throw the guy's interest back in his face?

Is it to feel juiced up and powerful?

Is it that they really don't know what they want?

Actually, for most women, their intent is far less nefarious than it may at first seem. They aren't trying to trick you, toy with your emotions, or take you for a ride... usually.

But if you want to have this stop happening, and you want to avoid having women suddenly act superior, rude, and aloof where they'd formerly been warm, friendly, and flirty, you need to know a little about what brings this on, what you can do to avoid it, and how to deal with it when it shows up.


act superior

I don't want to name any names, but there are certain advice columns I've seen out there pushing a view that when women are rude to men and act superior, it's because these women have inflated egos that are in need of a good puncturing, and as a man it's your responsibility to put a nice big hole in that ego and bring it down to size, so she stops treating men that way.

Well, okay.

I've spent a good deal of time in bars and nightclubs. And I've had my fair share of women behave rudely, act superior, and comport themselves as if they were queens and I was a mere underling.

Is that upsetting? Of course not!

Why not though? Isn't that disrespectful? An insult to your manhood?

No. How could it be? They're just girls!

And in case you forgot, girls are silly and cute.

So... relax.

Some girl acting superior isn't the end of the world. It doesn't mean all men will lose respect for you, and all other women now consider you undateable. It doesn't mean you'll now never be hired for another job again, nor does it mean that your face just got uploaded to the "douchebags to watch out for!" website.

If there ever was such a website, trust me, every single man on Earth would get his photography uploaded there at some point by some woman. Women are emotional creatures... you can't get mad at them for that.

Why do so many guys take this so personally then?


Status and Respect

One of the best articles I've read on the subject of status and respect was a Scientific American piece called "The Psychology of Social Status." In it, research from DePaul University's PJ Henry is cited, casting light on the relationship between social status and ego-protective measures taken by members of different social castes.

The research is titled "Low-Status Compensation: A Theory for Understanding the Role of Status in Cultures of Honor." Here's the abstract:

The mechanisms that link herding regions to cultures of honor have never been empirically tested. The objective of the present article is to show the important role that issues of status play in linking herding regions to cultures of honor using the theory of low-status compensation (P. J. Henry, 2008b) as a framework. Four studies are presented. Study 1 replicates the finding that counties in the American South conducive to herding have higher murder rates than do counties conducive to farming but shows those differences are mediated by indicators of status disparities in a county. Study 2 replicates the findings of Study 1 with an international sample of 92 countries. Study 3 tests the theoretical idea that people who are low in socioeconomic status face stigma in society and show self-defensive strategies generally. Finally, Study 4 provides experimental evidence that low-status tendencies toward aggressing in the face of insults may be due to strategies to protect their sense of social worth. The results are contextualized within the theory of low-status compensation as a theory for understanding the role status plays in predicting some forms of violence.

The Scientific American article ties this research back into the hypothetical framework it was drawn from, that of a "Culture of Honor" in the Southern United States that leads to more violence stemming from a lower socioeconomic position.

Those theories, lent weight by the empirical evidence of the research conducted to prove or disprove them, propose this:

  • In order to rise in social status, the normal means is by ingratiating oneself to others - by doing good for them, helping them out, being cooperative, and acting humble. In other words, you are signaling your worth to others. Others see this, appreciate you, and your social standing rises.

  • However, individuals of low social status do the opposite of this. They take from others, compete with them, and act selfishly. And they do this because they are trying to signal their own worth to themselves. In a desperate attempt to protect a fragile ego, they act violently, aggressively, and belligerently, proving to themselves that they are socially worthy - but in the meantime falling all the while in social standing in the eyes of others.

Think about that for a second.

People who are low status act aggressively and selfishly to protect their egos in the face of insults and slights. I'll quote the Scientific American article here for this:

Low-status people are much more sensitive to being socially rejected and are more inclined to monitor their environment for threats. Because of this vigilance toward protecting their sense of self-worth, low-status individuals are quicker to respond violently to personal threats and insults.

And other people are intuitively aware of this.

Thus, when individuals respond with violence and tenacity to threat, slights, and insults, this acts as a signal of low social status to others.

So when a woman starts to act superior and a man responds with anger, indignation, or upset, what's she likely to see this as a sign of?

That's right - that she was correct. He was low social status... and she was absolutely right to act higher up the social ladder than him, because she is.

Obviously, we don't want to be throwing fuel on the fire and reinforcing thoughts in a girl's head that she's better than we are... that's hardly productive for turning her into a consort, lover, and paramour.

What, then, can we do instead?


act superior

act superiorIn "The Pick Up Game," I compared meeting new girls to other kinds of games you can spend time on, learn, and improve at.

Well guess what? It isn't a one-person game.

Girls are playing it, too.

Every time you flirt with a girl, you're playing it, and she's playing back. How will she respond?

  • She could flirt back
  • She could act superior and aloof
  • She could do nothing and pretend she didn't notice

How does she know the right thing to do? Prior experience playing the game. But, the younger and less experienced she is at playing that game, the less likely she is to know the right thing to do in any given situation.

A lot of guys new to pickup are getting mad at girls who are relatively new to the whole deal themselves.

Which... is somewhat understandable. When we see other people, we see them only as they are right now, and tend to assume they're a lot more certain of their beliefs and behavior than they actually are.

But here's the big secret: nobody really is.

And much of the time when that girl's acting all hoity-toity, she's really hoping you're going to realize it's just a game, and that you'll be the guy who doesn't get bitter like all those other guys and break through.


When Girls Act Superior Early On

Not long ago, I was at a nightclub, perched up near the bar, when a tall, beautiful girl dressed in very fashionable clothes walked up and placed herself right next to me. There were other spots she could've chosen, but she chose to be near me, as women often do at bars.

I had been relaxing, and was lower energy, and not very outgoing at the moment, so I simply turned to her and gave her one of the most basic openers I could, reliant more on nonverbals than anything else.

I looked at her out of the side of my eye, smiled, looked away briefly, then looked back. "Are you from here?" I asked, saying it almost as more of a statement than a question.

"Yes," she said, hardly looking at me, then almost imperceptibly glancing away, a haughty look on her face.

I let a knowing smile pass over my lips, and slowly turned my gaze away, staring off into space expectantly.

About 60% of the time when I open this way, the girl never says or does anything, and nothing happens. She ignores me; I ignore her; and we each go about our nights.

The other 40%? She, either because she's interested in me, or because she feels some sort of social obligation to ask me something back, then asks me a question, reengaging me after I'd disengaged... and at that point, it's game on.

This isn't the only way to open girls like this, but when you're lower energy, it's an efficient one... and, it's one that communicates your status to them.

When I first started using it, I wasn't even sure if it's work as an opener. I was just doing it as an experiment to see if I could show through my behavior to girls who were acting superior on first encounter that they'd misread me and in fact I was the one of higher social standing.

When women began engaging me after I'd do this though, I knew I had a winner.

The game isn't to put a woman in her place - the game is to show her you can play it as well or better than she can!

That's what a lot of men don't get about dealing with girls who act superior or aloof... you don't win by getting mad.

Doing that only lets her know she's won. Because when she first met you, she was taking a guess.

A guess that you are like all the other guys.

A guess that you're just another low social status player fishing around for a bite.

But if you don't get upset... if you don't react... if you smile, and laugh to yourself, and get a kick out of her little teasings and her little games... oh, man!

You've just shown her that you are an entirely different animal than the type she's accustomed to seeing. You're not bitter nice guy in disguise... you're a compelling, attractive, powerful, sexy man.

And this method - of:

  • Slowly smiling and almost laughing to yourself
  • Letting your eyes drift dreamily away as you smile
  • Letting your head slowly turn away, almost as an afterthought, after your eyes drift off
  • Glancing around the area calmly, a mildly amused bored look on your face

... works wonders all throughout the "early game," before you've established any real rapport with a girl yet and you've yet to reach the hook point with her, where she becomes clearly interested in finding out more about you and begins investing as much or more into the interaction than you are.

Any time a girl acts superior, or acts rude, or acts aloof, pull this tool out of your tool belt and put it to use.

If:

  • She says something challenging or rude to you
  • She gives you a very tepid response and contributes too little
  • She lets herself be pulled away by someone else into another conversation
  • She gives you too many go-nowhere answers to your early questions without asking anything back or engaging you further

... you can do this. And the deeper you are into the interaction, the more likely she is to reengage you.

When she does, you simply respond slowly, with a warm-but-absentminded smile on your face, as if being woken up from a dream.

"Huh? Oh, right... you. Hi."

That's the feeling behind it.


When Girls Act Superior Later On

Recently, a member of the Girls Chase Boards posted a question about a scenario he encountered where a girl had been flirting with him, touching him, and really priming him all through a dinner at her house... but the instant everyone else left and the two of them were alone, she started telling him she was really just looking for "friends." (the original thread on this, with my response, is here)

Is this a case of a girl acting superior?

Why, yes it is!

It's a case where the girl is attempting to dictate the terms of the relationship. She's saying, in effect, "Hey, I know we were behaving like we were THIS earlier, but now we are actually THAT."

You can respond to this in one of two ways, of course:

  1. You can get upset about it, view it as an injustice, rude, and cruel toward men everywhere, that some woman would dare to make herself the sole determiner of what a mutual relationship is between her and an individual she'd already been flirting and teasing with quite a bit is. But that's the low status way, and that kind of anger and upset gets you precisely nowhere.

  2. Alternately, you could simply laugh it off as her being silly and cute, playing games, and play her game right back with her... only better at it than she plays it. And then instead of it being upsetting and final, it's fun and it's just the beginning.

I know which one I prefer.

So how do you deal with this?

Well, I'll tell you how you don't deal with girls acting aloof or flighty or changing their minds:

  • You don't protest
  • You don't argue
  • You don't whine or complain
  • You don't try to launch a counterargument
  • You don't pretend you didn't hear it because you don't know what else to say

Note on that last: in some cases you can ignore the things women say, if they're clearly already going along with what you're doing. The rest of the time though, you do need to address them.

So what do you do?

Simple: you flirt back.

act superior

How?

Well, in this case, my advice to the author of the thread was this: the next time you run into some girl who was touching you and giving you something like this - "I'm really just looking for friends" - what you want to say is this:

Her: I'm really just looking for friends.

You: [said with a tone half of puzzlement, and half of flirty teasing, sexy eye contact, and an edgy smile] So you're saying... we aren't friends?

Then you continue to physically escalate with her while she laughs / blushes / tries to figure out how to respond.

All this is is flirting. Flirting is designed to create a feeling of mild confusion and a mismatch between what's said and what's implied.

And if she keeps protesting, you simply keep asking her half-dumbfounded, half-flirtatious questions in return. Like so:

Her: I'm really just looking for friends.

You: [said with a tone half of puzzlement, and half of flirty teasing, sexy eye contact, and an edgy smile] So you're saying... we aren't friends? [continue kissing her neck]

Her: Well... I... wait! Friends don't kiss each others' necks!

You: Don't they now? [continue kissing her neck]

Her: No!

You: So... what does that make us, then? [continue kissing her neck]

Her: I...!

She becomes more and more turned on as she allows you to keep kissing her, and every time she tries to trip you up with a little game like that, you turn it right around and ask her to define what she means.

And just like that, you've turned her from uncertain about you - and being in a place where she thought she ought to act superior and be aloof - to realizing that you are the one who's in control, calling the shots... and making her feel amazing.

And who wins the game?

You both do.


Don't Lose Your Cool - It's All in Good Fun

Women aren't "the enemy." They're not these devious, scheming creatures who must be overcome. They're just girls - pretty, cute, fun, tricky, flirty, lively, and maybe a little silly sometimes. And there are lots of them. Not all of them will like you, but enough of them will. And that's all you need.

The next time girls act superior around you, keep that in mind. It's the low status individuals who react with insult and aggressiveness and snappishness... ultimately, out of fear.

Fear of being disrespected.

Fear of being trampled with status.

Fear of becoming irrelevant.

But you have nothing to fear. She's just one girl out of billions more.

So play a little longer with her. Or don't... meet someone else.

There are plenty of girls out there. Most of them are playful.

All you've got to do is be a little playful back.

Chase

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Comments

Zac's picture

Optimistic


Chase,

"And much of the time when that girl's acting all hoity-toity, she's really hoping you're going to realize it's just a game, and that you'll be the guy who doesn't get bitter like all those other guys and break through."

You have also written that girls are silly and cute, seeing with the vast majority of women i see and needs to see more, and also the epicness of them trying to suddenly turn the game on you like "We just friends" but keep letting you do your thing to her, I have also seen lots of uncool and cynical women destroy friendships in social circles to protect and preserve what is before/structured. I don't know what's your thoughts about that though, i am sure everyone plays games in this dating game but i have also seen girls exceeding it, to a point where no one wins.

I am sure you are wary things like this do happen sometimes.

Zac

Chase Amante's picture

Big Worlds and Small Worlds

Author

Zac-

A man's reaction to these things usually comes down to how "big picture" his thinking is and how big his world is in general. i.e., when you're locked into ONE social circle, and that's the only circle you're locked into, a girl raging a path of destruction for you socially and nuking your reputation is life-or-death. But, when a man swings by for whom that social circle is irrelevant, he can look at that same girl and think she's cute as a button, and laugh at her "destruction" of some guy's position in a social circle.

I suppose you'd really say it comes down to what you have to lose. The less you have to lose, the more any given person can affect you. The more you have to lose, the more any given person can affect you.

So, if you and I each know a girl, but I've got a lot more to lose that she can affect (emotions, reputation, business, money, etc.) than you do, to me, any actions against those things seem dire and evil, but to you, anything she tries like that just looks silly... she can't actually affect you.

This is part of the reason why I don't bother much with social circles. Most people seem like they waste inordinate amounts of their lives stressing and striving and struggling and scheming over the most petty little things in their social circles that nobody outside those circles will ever care about, and that likely won't even matter a couple of months after the issue is resolved.

When your world is small, little things look big.

When your world is big, even big things look little.

Big things look scary. Little things, though, just look cute.

Women like men who treat them like the things they do are little things, because it's a sign the man's world is big, which is a universal sign to humans the world over that this man has a lot more going on than the men with little worlds.

Chase

Zac's picture

Perhaps you are right but


Perhaps you are right but maybe thanks to you, i have more opportunities. I can see the girls who are cynical and uncool as girls i can sleep with but never long term. At least that's how i see it.

Because i feel that i see a lot of things, and i have lots of experience, and i see those things, i will not say that it's not true because like you, who mention that you have empathy, and you need to cut more of that, i do feel the same feeling of the person who had been affected. It's not about losing how much, i get it, i just don't like people to get that, especially people who are indeed my friends.

But yea, it also helps me to know also which girl i want to spend time more often too.

Zac

Chase Amante's picture

Cynical Girls

Author

It's an interesting philosophical debate.

In the West, women tend to hit a point between about ages 26 and 30 or so where they've accumulated a lot of baggage from past relationships and tend to have a lot of self-destructive or fatalistic behavior in their relationships at this age. They also have their worst views of men at this age, generally.

When they're younger, they think, "Men are great! They love me, and think I'm wonderful, and treat me like a princess..."

When they hit that cynical-ish age, they start thinking, "Men are DOGS! All they want is sex, and they don't care who they hurt to get it, or what lies they have to tell, or what dreams they have to trample on. They're all soulless sex demons... the scourge of women everywhere! Oh, where have the good men gone?!"

Then, usually, around 30 or so, they come out on the other end saying, "You know what? Men are just men. You take them for what they are, appreciate them for what they are, and don't place any unrealistic expectations upon them beyond what they are, and you can be happy enough with them."

Sometimes you'll find younger women or older women who are trapped in a "cynical" period, whether it's about men and dating or humanity in general or whatever it is. But me, when I meet these girls, it never seems like the cynicism lasts all that long. They want just as much as anybody else to meet a man who proves them wrong and is the exception to what they think are the rules, and if you do, and you touch their hearts, those hearts melt a little.

You might also be referring to women with softer or more naive worldviews... the girls who haven't experienced as much of the world and still think it's a beautiful, romantic place. Most people go through transition periods of innocence => disillusionment => acceptance about any number of different things, including dating and romance and the opposite sex. So I might say you mean that you prefer either the women who are in the innocence stage or the acceptance stage, and want to steer clear of the women in the disillusionment stage.

Chase

Jack's picture

How to go from here


Hi Chase!

This is a great article! I've always wondered about this and its great to see it in writing. Reading this reminded me of something that happened yesterday. I had went to go eat with a girl in the dining commons at my university and I basically did everything I usually do such as validation, deep diving, etc. She seemed to take it well. After I walked back with her, I suggested that we might go out for coffee. At this point she got a bit flustered and said that it was a great idea and that she would bring her friend too. At this point, should I take it as a friendzone? The reason I ask is that this is a foreign asian girl and I am not that familiar if their actions have the same interpretation as american girls. thanks!!

Chase Amante's picture

Flustered Girl

Author

Jack-

There's some difference. It depends how integrated she is with the local culture or not. Foreign girls who integrate with Western cultures tend to acclimate fast, but if they stick to their peer group they'll tend to remain closed off. Aside from some naivety because of coming from less sexualized cultures, though, most Asian girls aren't really any different from Western girls. Usually, knock off 6 or 7 years, experience-wise; a 22 year old Asian girl fresh from Asia is something like a 16 year old American girl, in terms of her experience with men and thoughts about love and relationships.

Here, it simply sounds like too much waiting / too much pressure / not asking her out on a high note. The best time to ask her out is when the conversation is flowing great, ideally during lunch. If she's expecting it then, and it doesn't happen, asking her later after expectation builds and builds and it gets weirder and weirder just starts to feel uncomfortable.

There also might be a country effect. In Taiwan, for instance, just about every girl you ask out wants to bring a friend along. It's really bizarre. Guys I've talked to who spent longer periods of time have told me that Taiwanese are just used to doing everything in groups, and you've simply got to break them out of it. I haven't really seen any other countries like this though, and I traveled around quite a bit in Asia.

Most likely, she just felt uncomfortable because there was too much buildup before the ask and it didn't happen at the natural time for it to happen, so she defused that tension by saying she'd bring along a friend.

If you've already committed to that, you can always bring a guy friend along and tell him you're going to hook him up with a girl, or you can flake on the date and cancel the day of and try to get her out just her another time. Your call, though if she's experienced / conservative, the first one might be the best option. Then just go on the date, be chill, be sexy, end it first after a few hours or you have some good times / good conversations, and she'll be comfortable enough with you to meet you up one-on-one next time.

Chase

Maxz's picture

Never get mad!


Yeah, I learnt this the hard way a long time ago.

I got mad at a girl who flaked on a date with me. Screaming and yelling like a little kid at her. Obviously I never got the girl.

Lessons learned. Lessons applied.

Great piece, Chase.

Anonymous's picture

Mágico


Mágico

Knight's picture

Wink


Girls are silly ;)

I should of read this article sooner, had a perfect chance to use it today!
If a girl that has known me for a while and who I'm not interested in tries to put me down in-front of a group for whatever reason would you recommend ignoring it? Laughing it off and ending the discussion? Walking away? Or intense eye contact?

I understand I have to make these choices on the fly depending on the circumstances.

- Knight

Wallflower I Am Not's picture

Knight, I am a girl and I


Knight,

I am a girl and I say do a bit of both: try to sort of laugh it off if it's not too accusatory and if it is then try to turn it around and tease her about it maybe bringing out to light some flaw of hers in a gentle way, so that she knows you are a man enough and can put her in her own place. Just be somewhat gentle about it. She will think twice before opening her mouth next time.

Also, be very nonchalant about the whole thing, like it's not a huge deal, try to make a joke or something. Depending on a situation you can also excuse yourself and walk away too. This way she will be deprived of your company and will not be able to power trip. That will teach her a lesson as well. But if you do that, make sure it is understood that you are doing it not because you are trying to escape the uncomfortable situation you cannot control, but because you are too cool for this sort of games and will not put up with them cause they are boring to you and you have better things to do.

Do not do intense eye contact, there is no reason for that. I think in general intense eye contact implies that you are hurt deeply/very affected by her remark and that is the very last thing you want her to think. She needs to know that you are too cool for her power tripping escapades and that you don't take them to heart. The less affected you appear to be by the whole ordeal the better. No matter what - stay cool.

Knight's picture

wall


Thanks for the reply Wallflower,
I'll take this information on. Its a strange situation to be in sometimes.

aliparpar's picture

Women who Tease


Knight

I have someone like her in my social circle and she's no problem for me anymore after finding my answer what I had to do on the boards.

I recommend you checking out this thread on the boards :

http://www.girlschase.com/boards/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=685&p=5068&hilit=ca...

Generally, play it cool. Not intense eye contact. If she says something to tease you and If you want to bring it into her attention that what she did was not cool/ok, You can look at her and say : "What?!" or "So?!!" to redirect the challenge back to her.

Read this article as well by Ross : How to stop Judgemental people from judging you :
http://www.girlschase.com/content/make-judgmental-people-stop-judging-yo...

Cheers
-Ali

Knight's picture

Ali


Thanks Ali. :)

KING SINCERE ALLAH's picture

SUPERIOR, RUDE, ALOOF BANTER


Chase, you're like Barry Bonds out on the field! minus the routines, & pre-planned pickup dialogue (steriods).

very ironic that this topic came up, i've been recently thinking of couter measures to this response from women. what do you think about some playful banter such as this:

(woman ignores you, in a playful mood respond with a smirk/small smile)

so what's your deal? are you deaf, mute, or just plain anti-social?

thanks for your response.

Chase Amante's picture

"What's Your Deal?"

Author

King Sincere-

Well, you want to be careful with that kind of thing - you want to avoid anything that possibly makes you sound bitter / frustrated. The moment that happens, you're out.

This is one you'll see occasionally, and you've basically got to break her out of that mode of smiling and letting her attention drift off casually. You can't be bitter, combative, or start talking about why she isn't talking at all, or else you've just inadvertently committed her to not talking now. What I've found to work best in these situations is launching into some kind of protracted, unusual gambit to poke fun at her not talking. You typically need humor.

This is either me telling her, "Let me see that?" about a piece of jewelry she has on, and then making some kind of humorous statement about it like, "You know, my grandmother had a bracelet like this. She used to wear it every day. It got caught in a piece of farm equipment one day... I guess the moral of the story is, bracelets like this are good for clubs, but not so good for farms." Then stare at her and wait for her response.

Or telling some kind of a joke, starting very abruptly (imagine George Clooney or Ryan Reynolds sitting there for a moment with a smile after the girl doesn't answer, and then suddenly launching into:), "So a man walks into a bar. Brings a giraffe with him. The giraffe lies down. The man has a drink, pays for it, then turns to go. The bar owner calls out after the man, who by this point is partway through the doorway out, and gestures at the giraffe on the ground. 'Hey,' he says, 'you can't leave that lyin' here.' The man turns around, annoyed. 'That's no lion,' he says, 'that's a giraffe!'"

Then just hold eye contact and watch what she does.

Basically, when she doesn't respond, just keep launching into outrageous things until she either leaves, tells you to knock it off, or bursts out laughing and immediately becomes very attracted.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Chase I have a question,


Chase I have a question, though not directly related to this topic.

My question is, how do you get back together with a girl without "gifting" yourself or being too stern as in "ok but we have to have some rules", how do you do it correctly ? ( I know you always say to forget about one girl and move on but sometimes a girl really is worth it)

Well basically the question is, how do you accept a girl correctly when she decides she does want to be with you, and wasn't before for whatever reason, she was confused, like you and another guy etc.

I know most of the time you should just drop the girl and move on, but in my experience I HAVE seen couples that break up, separate, date others for a while and then get back together and they DO enjoy each other and are happy, but it still is really pretty rare, nonetheless when I see these couples and see how they are they actually do get back together for the better.

Anyways, sorry for getting off topic for a bit but basically the question is, how do accept a girl back without gifting yourself ? I hope you can get back to me on this as you have ignored other questions of mine haha ): :-P but this one has been killing me for a while, anyways cheers !

Chase Amante's picture

Taking Her Back

Author

Hi Anon-

The whole key is coming back skeptically. Since she left, she needs to chase coming back. You can tell her you're not sure, you need some time, etc. You can give her a trial period: "Let's try it for a couple of weeks, and see how it is. We'll reassess after." She basically just has to know she's on parole.

And at first, you can't be all gushy to have her back, either. She needs to be gushing a lot more than you do... otherwise, you'll likely be in for a repeat performance (her suddenly getting confused and needing time off again to go try another man on for size for a while, while you hang out as her reliable backup option in case she ends up deciding she doesn't like that guy all that much either).

You'd also do well to set some relationship "ground rules" that are more favorable to you. i.e., things you would've liked to have changed about the relationship the first time around - now you're in the position to say, "Okay, if we're going to think about getting back together again, here's what I need."

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Hi Chase, What are your


Hi Chase,

What are your thoughts on (sexy)sitting and standing poses in the bar?

Chase Amante's picture

Sexy Positions

Author

Hi Anon-

I think they're great!

Chase

Isa's picture

Experience before reading the concept


This is perfect, because I experienced this before reading this.
She was flirting with me so hard and even got me turned on, so I blamed her for it and told her "she had to handle my problem..."
I got her to come with me to a private area without forcing her (touching her, even... She came only by my smirk and eye contact, and then me continually moving to the spot) all the while she told me, "I was kidding, I'm all talk, we shouldn't be doing this"...

I questioned her whenever she said these things while kissing her up, but the only one thing I didn't do was ask her, "then what SHOULD we be doing" whenever she would say, "we shouldn't..."

I think the most interesting thing for me was how all the while I faced these objections, YOUR BLOG Chase, ran through my head like a computerized database. Even though I wasn't experienced in this AT ALL, I knew how to handle it anyway. Thanks a lot

- Isa

Chase Amante's picture

Database

Author

Isa-

Cool to hear you were able to plug stuff in like that and make it work even in the face of inexperience. Yes, asking, "What SHOULD we be doing?" is such a powerful brain hack for random resistance. It asks the girl to either get logical, or stop resisting and just go with what she's actually feeling.

I guess you know which one usually happens... :)

Chase

Neocene's picture

Girl at gym flirty, then rude


I really liked your article and recently had a bit of trouble with this myself.
At my gym there is a really cute girl that I've seen almost everyday since I've been working out. That's almost 7 months now.
We've never really talked, but have exchanged smiles, and a few glances. Most of the time I've seen her looking at me in the mirrors when she thinks I can't.
I really didn't know much about her aside her name and the times she works out, which is usually the same time as me.
We've never talked, aside from a hello or bye. Nor has she ever talked to any other guy there. They won't even approach her.
The other day, I noticed that me and her left some comments and likes on the gym's face book wall. I got to see her profile, found out she was single, and we had a lot in common.
I thought it would be a good idea to send her a message and introduce myself. Just a simple "Hello, how are you?" type deal.
I didn't hear back from her, but I saw that she read it.
She then took my message, and posted it on her wall, making fun of me in front of all her friends.
While she didn't put my name on it, it was my message and it made me very upset. I also thought it was very disrespect of her to do that since we hardly know one another and I was trying to break the ice.
After which, I've been avoiding her at the gym, seeing how upset she made me. I actually haven't seen her really in a few weeks now. I'm done with my workout before she arrives.
So after reading this article, it makes me wonder if she was doing that to see if I could deal with her, or was she just being mean?

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