What’s Great About Inexperienced Women (and What Isn’t) | Girls Chase

What’s Great About Inexperienced Women (and What Isn’t)

inexperienced womenIf you're out and about routinely meeting new women, you'll notice that the women you meet, of course, have a broad range of different personality types and characteristics:

  • Some are bold

  • Some are shy

  • Some try to take charge clumsily

  • Some take charge deftly and naturally

  • Some will wait for eternity for you to take charge

  • Some seem excited to meet you

  • Some appear indifferent

  • Others are reserved, and you have no idea what they're thinking

What this article is centered on is describing the inexperienced women you'll meet - those inexperienced with men, with dating, with sex, and with relationships. What we'll be examining in this piece is how you can tell them from more experienced women; what the differences are when you're actually with them, interacting with them, setting up dates with them, sleeping with them, and having relationships with them; and what are the main pros and major cons of inexperienced vs. more experienced women.

Should be a fun read, and hopefully you'll learn a thing or two you might not have run into, noticed, or been made aware of just yet.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.

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Comments

Anonymous's picture

Chase, the categories I don't know. I Wonder which category I fall into. I have the following problem. I consider myself pretty confident and experienced guy but I have situations, moments I totally lose confidence and faze so easily. I don't know how to work on that. it happens so quickly that you can't control myself. I don't have problems to be confident, even cockly round girls and on first dates, at work when I do some talking to people most of the time I feel full of confidence. However, there are those moments that crack me. I study at film school and I noticed I usually expierence problems talking to high caliber people, I automatically value them higher them myself and I become shy and totally different person around them. When I do pitching to sell a script this situation puts you lower and I feel like I'm go out of my ways to impress them because that's actually the point. Then, they can faze me very easily and I can't control my as stupid as it sounds - face muscles. I can't pose and act anymore cause I feel I'm already fazed. You mentioned Chae you did acting. Do you have and advice how to control your body and yourself in such situations? One of my biggest nightmare is I'm with a girl and Im so solid, composed, a little cocky and we run across a situation like the above and she'll look at me and she'll be like - oh my god, who is it?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

Happens to everyone - in new situations with a lot of unknown variables and with people you struggle to relate to, you're going to feel out of your element, especially if you want something from them (to like you, approve of you, give you a phone number, offer you a job, etc.). Removing that fear and apprehension is all about gaining more and deeper reference points.

On appearing comfortable in uncomfortable situations - first, study how you act, carry yourself, and the like when you are completely at ease, and even feeling powerful. Next, emulate those behaviors in uncomfortable situations. You'll also need to monitor your behavior in uncomfortable situations, and pick up on your "give aways." For instance, you might notice that your hands move to cover your face or scratch your head or neck when uncomfortable, but you don't do this other times. Become cognizant of it, and stop doing it. Or, you might notice that you have very straight posture when confident, but when uncomfortable you begin to slouch. Once aware of it, correct it.

General recommendations are to speak slowly, use plenty of pauses, try not to smile too much (fake smiles look very uncomfortable, and if you're smiling too much when already uncomfortable, you're often flashing fake grins), keep your back straight and chest out so you continue to look powerful, and take a moment before you say anything to think. Mostly just slow things down... not only does it make you appear more powerful and more in control, it also gives you a little extra time to compose yourself. If you're normally a rapidly-moving person when confident, you may also want to slow down and throw in pauses here, both to muddy the line between when you're confident and when you're not, and also because slowness and pauses make you look more powerful regardless of how you're feeling internally.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

thanks a million man, that's helpful.

Anonymous's picture

Great write-up, Chase! But can you elaborate further on escalating with these girls?

You wrote that their resistance is largely token, but since they are also very sexually reserved (and probably never even think about having sex on the first date), they can get really nervous/uneasy during escalation (which they can easily flip into autorejection if come off too strong), do you have any tips on how to deal with a situation like this?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

In my experience, you're more likely to encounter auto-rejection with more experienced women than you will inexperienced women following aggressive escalation that doesn't result in sex then and there. Experienced women seem to leave and think to themselves, "Bah, another player - and not even one who could satisfy me! I obviously don't like him, since I didn't sleep with him," while inexperienced women think something more akin to, "Wow, I went so far with him - I must REALLY like him!"

Other than that, the escalation process is mostly the same - her resistance (once you're over her wall) is mainly token, yes, but getting over that wall itself can be tough - e.g., I had a very inexperienced girl I had to fight for my LIFE just to get her to take her coat off in my place (I spent maybe an hour kissing her and struggling to get her to take her coat off), but once the coat was off, the rest of her clothes came off in minutes. You just treat it the same as anything else: escalate aggressively, then back off a bit and let things cool down, while still being a little warm with her, touching her, with your arm around her, etc. Then, a minute or two later, dial it back up again, and try a slightly different approach... then dial it back down again when she begins to resist. Repeat the process again and again, and you get through the resistance.

If you haven't seen them yet, these articles on resistance to sex apply to both experienced and inexperienced women alike:

Chase

Zac's picture

I have been waiting for this, and yes, that cynicism part. Once you see it, you better put a danger mark on her forehead.

Slap it hard on the head, XD Make sure you see that everytime you see her. She switches personalities like a lightswitch!

Zac

Wes's picture

Interesting.

Ah, so if girls at the club or any other mate finding place say: "I'm just here to dance/with friends/enjoy myself, they're most likely lying?

Also to sum up, if an inexperienced guy has a better chance with experienced girls than inexperienced girls, does that mean the only thing the inexperienced guy has to be good at is overcoming the experienced girl's frames and token resistance?

This article has opened my eyes to more that I thought it would. I just realized what type of girl I want and that I'm going for the wrong ones, but at the same time, I HAVE to go for the ones I don't want in order to have the ones that I DO want later on down the road.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Wes-

Yes, exactly - the "I'm just here to dance" line is just a brush off (you'll notice the same girl dancing with some stud later that same night, even if she wouldn't dance with you), as are "I'm just here with my friends" ("Great, me too!") and "I'm just here to enjoy myself" ("Good you found me then!"). Just a way of saying "I'm here to find SOME guy... just not YOU." Means "Your fundamentals - try harder." A sufficiently interesting / attractive / charismatic man doesn't get these, unless he comes in awkwardly - even if she doesn't *think* she's there to meet a man, she won't brush off a genuinely very appealing new fellow.

Getting women is not mainly about overcoming frames and resistance - these things are necessary, but the most important thing to worry about are your fundamentals - that is, are you taking care of all the odds and ends that are going to make you more attractive, or are you not? Beyond that, it's things like conversation and social awareness, and then things like leading, frames, and investment all come into play.

Chase

Veaire's picture

... And how insane that the time I come on to this site is when I see a post about the kind of girl I am dating right now (remember me from the girl I mentioned back when you told me about her throwing resistance up about sex and church? They're not the same but I'm the same guy).

I have to admit, I almost don't think I can trust her because I can't believe how inexperienced she actually is. But she's just as you say, she is so sweet, and so dedicated and it melts the heart that froze over. At this point, she's messaging me every day when she wakes up as I'm the first thing she thinks about in the morning, and we talk on videochat since she's in Rhode Island. I've driven to see this girl so we know what we're like... but the constant communication is actually becoming a little daunting and I want to let her know to ease up on it a bit without hurting her. Yahoo answers says she will be hurt regardless...

That's probably the only backfire here when it comes to me, she's endearingly unrelenting. So cute it hurts?
Great post, Chase!

Marty's picture

Chase:

Extremely helpful and interesting article as always. I have one question only.

This "brink" you speak of going over... becoming a man's lover, yes? You don't say so explicitly, but the context suggests it...

Is that really so catastrophic as offending your boss and missing out on a raise (your analogy of choice)? Why? Because of the risk of pregnancy from an untested/less than ideal man?

Understanding this, I feel, will help me to understand a great deal more... Thank you!

-Marty

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Marty-

The danger of sex isn't so much the risk of pregnancy, though that certainly factors into it. It's not even the danger of STDs, which arguably are a worse danger than pregnancy since they're potentially permanent, but are almost a non-factor in how most people think about sex (I've met very few women who insist on a condom if I don't feel like strapping up).

Rather, it's a fear of the unknown... what might happen if we have sex?

Might it be possible that:

  • She feels bad about herself after?
  • You never call again, and she feels humiliated?
  • You want to meet her every day, and she doesn't want that?
  • You turn into some kind of weirdo stalker creep?
  • The sex is going to be bad, awkward, or painful?
  • She'll be embarrassed to be naked in front of you?
  • She's afraid of seeing you naked?
  • Everyone finds out about it and her reputation takes a big hit?
  • You lose respect for her for sleeping with you so quickly?

... or any number of other unpleasant things occurs?

Much of seduction is about removing these fears and objections from women's minds; the more experienced a girl is sexually, and especially with taking new partners, the fewer of them you have to worry about (although the more stringent she's going to be about making sure the ones she DOES care about are addressed to her satisfaction), while the less experienced she is, the more of them you must worry about and address (though, if your fundamentals are through the roof and you know what you're doing with women, you'll tend to cut through these like a hot knife through butter).

Chase

Troy's picture

Hey Chase,

This article was a bit confusing for me but it was good. Ive seen girls showing both signs of experience and inexperience at different times depending on the girls and how much she likes the guy despite his fundamentals weakness or strengths. So i still dont know where the girls in my life currently stand when i read this and ran through all the girls i know. My only exception is with girls who are obviously experienced or inexperienced. Let me explain with examples:

1) Inexperienced behavior sometimes switch to full on experienced behavior: leadership, bitterness and accepting men the way they are, calmness and most of the points you listed about experienced girls.

2) Experienced girls also displaying shifting emotions between inexperienced. The inexperienced behaviors that you listed above are sometimes all shown experienced girls too.

My questions are:

1) Should i use a scale/tally/count of all these to determine in terms of counting all the points above then seeing how the girls fall under most of the time?

2) I had a girlfriend in my life and she shows these behaviors listed below:
- Fall in love with me easily
-Talking about marriage before we even went on a date (and we didnt even sleep together)
- Loved kissing me the moment she got a chance.
- Behaved rather wild and calm at different times when she held onto me
- Looked deeply in my eyes during eye contact.
- Told me she was a virgin even though i found it hard to believe her. I want to lose my virginity to a virgin too so that in the future i can look back and say it was a take for take.
-She had a lot of men around her and she is full of a wild passion
- Loves kissing over all
- She is a strong leader for all men which is and experienced trait
- She seems to understand what men want and wraps them all around her little finger
- Shows powerful commanding body language as if to say she is an experienced sexaholic.

These are both signs of the two quadrants. Can you tell me where this girl falls based on my description?

I have a personal question also. I want to lose my virginity to a virgin girl. You say not to worry about finding the right girl. Im not looking for the right girl now, just 1 that is a virgin. In the future i want to look back and know that it was take for take. do you agree with finding a virgin girl to lose yours to?

Also, when you were a virgin, did you lose it to a virgin or it didnt matter? What quadrant did the girl you lose your virginity fall into?
I dont want a beauty girl or 1 with a great personality to lose my virginity to. Do you agree with this? The last thing i want is to cant stop thinking about her when she moves onto another man since i am inexperienced. Thanks for the reply!

-Troy

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Troy-

Girls can be good at controlling men if the men aren't much more experienced than they are. Essentially, commanding men / having them at your beck and call is something a girl can learn without ever so much as kissing a guy - she just has to know how to dangle carrots in front of them; if she only does this with men she isn't all that interested in, it'll be pretty easy for her to remain inexperienced (and, the kind of men who follow her around usually aren't the more experienced / attractive men, either).

Anyway, very hard to judge over the Internet, but from what you've said and knowing that you're still pretty young the girl sounds like she has a strong personality that's probably going to predispose her to being very sexual later in life, but she's likely just starting to dip her toes into the pool and play around with wrapping guys around her little finger.

Finding a virgin to lose your virginity to: when you're sexually inexperienced, this can feel like some sort of magical moment of goodness and light and you want it to be perfect and whatnot… once you've slept with a few girls, and in fact, probably even after the first time you have sex PERIOD, you're going to look back at the years you spent turning down women who wanted you in your quest for whatever special sexual experience you were seeking, and you're going to say, "Dear GOD, I was an IDIOT!!! WHY was I SUCH an idiot?! If I could go back in time, I'd SLAP myself!"

As far as avoiding beautiful / charismatic women as a first time lay - I'm not sure I'd go that far, although you may have a point about not getting too attached to your first. It's more normal for a lot of guys to have a not-that-pretty first time girl, too, just because you need some game to get the pretty girls - most of them lose their virginity to older, more experienced guys, who lost their OWN virginity to less attractive, more experienced women. That's kind of just how it goes - put two totally inexperienced people in a room together, and you'll mostly end up with a whole lot of staring at each other waiting for the other person to do something, and other than that just a whole lot of nothing ;)

Chase

PinotNoir's picture

Hey Chase,

Great read, as always, and probably something to add to the Newbie Assignment. Anyway, to the question...

Because inexperienced girls still give me lots of resistant (and I do finally get to kissing with LOTS of persistence and do finally get to sex with even more ungodly amounts of persistence and dates), I know that I'm still the inexperienced guy that you mention in the article. Unfortunately, I really only desire inexperienced girls. Experienced girls just don't do it for me.

I know that in the article you mention that it will be very difficult for inexperienced guys to make love with inexperienced women. But, if I accept this, do you have any advice? Or do you think it's a lost cause, and I should only be looking for more experienced girls? The problem is that I just like inexperienced girls way too much.

Also, is this directly linked to sexual partners? For example, I know a girl that has only had 3 sexual partners. I consider her inexperienced. How many sexual partners until a woman is out of the inexperienced stage? I know that's a little bit too specific with too much black&white thinking, but I'm just interested in a hypothetical estimate.

Thanks,
Pinot

Franco's picture

Pinot,

This was an article Chase put up not long after I found this website, but I think it will answer some (or all) of your questions:

How Many Partners Has Your Girlfriend Had?

EDIT: I just realized Chase had this linked in the above article already. You should read it. =)

- Franco

Veaire's picture

I wish I put this in with the first post, but in one of the other posts that Chase made, he was talking about making your own money and not having to deal with overhead voices, and he gave a link to one of the things people can learn to make some money off of... I can't find that page, and I think it was about programming languages. Can somebody guide me there?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Veaire-

Believe that should be one of these comments:

Chase

Danny's picture

Dear Chase,

Great article as always...I just have a very short question. Why Inexperience women NOT in Networking Events? Networking is only for finding new jobs right? Even if a woman who lack sexual experience still need to find jobs, doesn't she?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Danny-

You'll occasionally see them dragged there by their friends, but it's usually not the kind of place you'll find inexperienced women - the soft ones are too shy to go, and the strong ones don't see the value in it.

If you pay attention to most networking events, most of the people you'll meet there are self-promoters (of varying degrees of skill), and many use networking events as date-finding opportunities. Attractive women tend to get plenty of men asking them out or at least strongly suggesting they get in touch when exchanging business cards with them, and many of the men who go to networking events aren't the most attractive or socially savvy guys out there. Couple that with the ease of approaching for even socially uncalibrated guys (purely for business reasons, of course!), and you've got a recipe for a situation that quickly becomes uncomfortable for all but the more socially seasoned women.

Chase

Wallflower's picture

Chase,

I am wondering how you would define love. I know you probably have it split into two categories: passionate and affectionate. So, assuming this definition, are you saying that experienced girls cannot have passionate all-consuming "in-love" feeling on the same level of intensity as inexperienced girls can? I have no idea where I fall on the experienced/inexperienced spectrum, that all depends on how you look at it, but I would think that both experienced and inexperienced girls should be able to feel strong passionate impulses for certain people every once in a while. I know that I can fall in-love at first sight, although that almost never happens, I know that I can fall madly and passionately in love even though there was no crazy spark to begin with, provided that something else later on triggered it. Anyway, hope all is well, thanks for continuing to write.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Wallflower-

Good to hear from you! Happy holidays.

Yep - the psychological community calls them "passionate" and "compassionate" love; I call it passionate love and "old love" (or "old people love"): "How to Make Her Love You: Passionate Love, and Old Love."

Everyone remains capable of experiencing passionate love, even with a wide range of experiences, but the threshold for this increases (takes more to get you here), and its longevity falls… passionate love / infatuation is really based around a feeling of not being in control, of needing the other person, and of the other person being a "scarce resource"… the more experienced you are, the less scarce a resource your mates tend to seem to be, and the less out of control you are - you've been here and done this before already. There are still exceptions to that - you meet a guy who blows your previous lovers out of the water in terms of looks, personality, etc., and suddenly you feel like a teenager again - but it's mostly dependent on meeting men the likes of whom you have little or no experience with… which becomes increasingly rarer as you gain more experience (and especially as you date more and more of those men you feel passion for).

If you're more experienced but find yourself in a relationship with a man who can make you feel out of control (by doing things unexpected / breaking form with the previous relationship patterns you've experienced in former lovers), he can inspire this passionate love here too. Can also happen after a particularly big drama fight if the guy shuts down the drama strongly enough while still maintaining your trust and faith in the relationship - you'll feel as though he's made you "submit", which gives you the out of control feeling, and stirs up passion for a while, until things settle back into routine.

Another thing that makes a big difference, somewhat separate from experience levels, is time orientation; people who are present-oriented, because they're feeling just right now in the moment, tend to go on constant emotional roller coaster rides with every new person, compared to, say, future-oriented people, who sit there and imagine how things will play out based on previous experiences, and feel little mystery, intrigue, or suspense - or, for that matter, passion.

So, there are always roads to passion! They just become a little harder to find as you get more experienced. It's kind of like getting excited about Christmas - easy when you're a child and there's so much mystery and Santa's sliding down chimneys and leaving you presents and what not… the mystery somewhat fades out of it, and the excitement dies down as you age, but… every now and again… something happens that lets you feel a little bit of that magic once again.

Chase

BBJW's picture

Hey Chase,

It seems like you always post articles as I need them! Currently, I've been dating this girl for two months. We go to highschool together and are basically in the same group of friends. Niether of us have had a serious relationship in the past. So, it seems like I end up putting most of the work into the relationship. It's not that she doesn't like me, as much as that she's really shy, nervous and awkward. I would love to be able to denote more responsibility to her as far as our relationship goes, but don't know how to do that. What do you do to get an inexperienced girl to pursue a man/relationship, when she had no idea what she's chasing after?

Thanks for the continued support,

BBJW

Author
Chase Amante's picture

BB-

I'm not 100% clear on what you're seeking to accomplish - if you're already sleeping with her, there's not really a need to get her chasing anymore; if you want her to pursue locking you down into a committed relationship, just keep giving her amazing sex, and trust that in a little time, she'll do what girls do, and start trying to lock you down.

If that's the case, see this article to get a clearer picture on what to expect:

If you meant that you're going on dates with her but you're not sleeping with her, and you're trying to get her to chase after you, well, there's really not much of a need for her to - she's already got dates with you, and she's got you in her social circle, so you're already providing all the attention and validation and comfort and security she needs, without the scary/messy strings attached to something more than this.

In case your problem is the latter, I'll direct you to these articles:

... but, I'll also caution that I have no experience dating in high school myself, so maybe the rules are different there in ways I couldn't speak to.

Chase

Dr. Dan's picture

Your article hit home once i stopped about 1/3rd of the way in and said "Waitaminute...That's...oh jesus" because i then realized how inexperienced that last girlfriend really was. The 6 points you call out nailed it to a tee - even though she was a stripper, and had guys at her beck and call, as an older guy it was...shocking to see the instant deep level of trust..desperate trust.

Thanks sir. Gotta go pull this dagger out of my heart.

Ouch...

...Still miss her...

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Dan-

One caveat to the list of traits above might be "Throw these out the window if she's a pro." Women in the adult services industry - strippers, escorts, and prostitutes in particular - tend to have reams and reams of experience dealing with men, and know exactly what buttons to push to make men fall for them and turn into heroic white knights willing to be there ready to save them at the drop of a pin.

I've had strippers and prostitutes I've taken to bed who perfectly emulated the most trusting inexperienced women you could ever hope to meet - they were positively endearing, and absolutely brutally efficient at extracting whatever kind of value out of men they cared to extract (in the sweetest way possible - they'd extract that value, and you'd be happy they extracted it).

Chase

Witt's picture

Hi Chase, I've been reading the site for a while and have meant to ask this question for a couple weeks. This seems like a relevant article to ask it on.

I'm a pretty inexperienced guy myself. In fact, I am a virgin. I'm 22 going on 23 and figure it's about time I take the plunge. I wanted to hold out for a "dream girl" (though this site has made me realize this is unreasonable, I won't be able to get a girl like that, much less hang onto her, without any experience). I knew intuitively that passive value would be crucial, I guess you refer to this as fundamentals. I definitely don't have them down pat, but I'm to the point where I seem to get initial attraction from most girls I meet and my female friends tell me their girlfriends think I'm really cute/wanted to know if I was single (though these are reactions and not results). I've hooked up with a few girls and escalation was pretty effortless, but I wasn't ready to take the plunge with a girl who wasn't "top notch".

This site has helped me deconstruct my fairy tale ideal of finding my dream girl and living happily ever after. I now want to gain a lot of experience as it will help me with the stunners.

Here's my concern, I'm guessing I'm probably going to suck in bed when I start sleeping with girls. As I see it, I've got two options. One: find a fuck buddy and learn the ropes with her. I worry that with my lack of abundance mentality and the cascading emotions for inexperienced lovers that you speak of above, I won't be able to resist falling for her if I'm sleeping with her regularly. I'm not ready to fall for a girl; I want to have more experience under my belt. The other option: game and sleep with as many girls as possible to gain experience and an abundance mentality. The issue here is I'm worried I won't become good in bed without a consistent lover, and I don't want to leave a string of disappointed girls in my wake (shitty experience for them, bad karma for me).

What would you recommend for an aspiring seducer in my situation? Am I just over thinking everything?

I'd also like to say thanks for everything you do on this site. The articles you write are always clearer, better thought out and several layers more nuanced than anything I find on other sites. I really appreciate what you're doing for us.

Thanks!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Witt-

Yep - this one's just a case of overthinking.

It's almost impossible to learn most sex skills outside of a relationship of some kind - it's just too hard to know if you're doing things better than last time or worse than last time if you're trying to compare one girl's reactions with you now to a totally different girl's reactions with you last time. Some women are just easily multi-orgasmic, while some women are highly orgasm-resistant, for instance; some women are moaners, some are not. Trying to get good at sex off of one night stands is like comparing apples to oranges to coconuts to dragon fruit.

So, you'll either need a friend-with-benefits, or just a regular old girlfriend to get this down. I wouldn't worry about sucking too much at the beginning - read up on fingering and oral sex techniques, as these can be faster to master, and know your sex positions and techniques (plenty of stuff on it on this site to get you started), and you can very quickly become at least an average lover, which is better than what many women experience much of the time.

Chase

Dr Mcninja's picture

Girls can always be a mix of this right?
I have a girl which confuses me quite a bit, she seems on one side to be very inexperienced, how she reacts, how she thinks, etc. But at the same time after a little wall was gone, she seems very sexual, in sex talk, etc. Very explicit with what she wants.

She claims even tough she had a few boyfriends she never loved any of them, so she didn't have sex with them.

Is she most probably lying about her experience? (I don't care if she is experienced, but I do care about honesty). Or is she just an inexperienced girl with a high sexual drive?
Which do you think it's most probable?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Dr-

Hard to say. Some inexperienced girls (the ones with strong personalities) can be pretty vocal and demanding about what they want to try, especially if they view you as a lover or a very nonjudgmental, dominant male - i.e., someone they respect as a sexual instructor, and don't necessarily see as someone they'll stick around with forever, even if they really like him (and hence, not someone they need to work overtime to impress with how much of a good girl they are).

I've had girlfriends who've only had a few mediocre sex partners before ask early into a relationship for anal sex or a threesome. At first, it's surprising; but what it usually is is this is something she's curious about that she's read about / seen on Sex and the City / etc., and sees you as the perfect guy to try it with - maybe an opportunity she'll never have again, with a far more "serious" boyfriend.

And, occasionally, you'll meet the free spirit inexperienced girls who just have no filter and would ask you for these things regardless, even if you were the most conservative guy in the world, because they see nothing wrong with them and neither should you (they think).

More experienced women will tend to guide you more smoothly and seductively into what they want, rather than blurt it out or be over-the-top explicit. Again, the inexperienced girl is the blunter of the two.

Chase

Nathan's picture

Hey Chase,

I've been on one date with this 18 yr old girl who has about zero experience with men. She's cautious but quite obviously she likes me already. Like you mentioned, she told me she would like it to be exclusive between us. I played it off a bit then told I'll make sure she feels comfortable before we do anything.

Is there a way to run it with an inexperienced girl so the exclusivity thing doesn't really come up?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Nathan-

Well, you're treading on very delicate ground here - especially if she's as inexperienced as you say, you're forming the initial impressions that are going to guide all of her future interactions with men. There's a strong need to handle her with kid gloves and not damage her.

Additionally, if you're getting requests for exclusivity, you're probably spending enough time with her and doing enough things in the time you spend together that she's getting the impression that the two of you are boyfriend-girlfriend (or heading right for boyfriend-girlfriend territory). It's very important that you not set those expectations if that is not what you want.

I'd recommend these articles for where to take things from here:

Chase

340Breeze's picture

How do you marry the law of least effort with a reserved who doesn't talk much? Vivacious girls tend to do alot of talking and when they do, interactions are easier from an effort standpoint. They talk, you respond. However some reserved inexperienced girls seem to need a guy that invests more energy, time, thought into the flow of conversation. You talk, they respond.

Also one thing with reserved girls I've met (from America vs elsewhere) that I've noticed is that most required being told what to do (aka explicitly making them invest vs them auto-investing in me). Some seem to just want a boss that does most of the thinking, plotting, planning, and they just follow along for the ride. They want a man that can make it as effortless for them (to hang back and respond to the man's frames, invitations, etc) as possible. In other words they seemed like a value sink, they get to be sucked into my world, but their worlds didnt offer anything all that novel to me for long. On the upside, it was great to be able to practice being more dominant and in control. Commanding a woman and she listens. Kinda made hard the first times that happened. But the problem though is i got bored after a while, i kinda felt like i was being robbed of value, having to plan/do almost everything.

whereas with a couple of experienced women that I was lucky to meet, they were master conversationalists and knew more of what they wanted out of life. Meaning interactions with them were more effortless and easy meaning that we could synergize more and just have amazing times. But they were also masters of frame control and were on the dominant side meaning if I ever had to deal with drama, I had my work cut out for me. But on balance, I prefer a wan who brings more to the table in terms of her knowing what she wants/needs and having more confidence in expressing them.

Cheers,

340Breeze.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Breeze-

Less active women are pretty easy - use deep diving during dates to keep them talking, focus on probing their past and their motivations, and just keep escalating things until they start resisting, or end up in your bed. In relationships - why do you need to do anything at all? I just invite them over, we sleep together, and that's it. I may ask them to bring meals, or I may ask them to cook when they come over, or I might order a pizza and we'll just have sex.

The feeling that you "have to do something" is I think more of a city-dweller's "must be on the go at all times!" feeling than anything else - I felt this for a few years when I first started dating, until one day I looked at it and said, "Wait a minute - if the GIRL doesn't want to plan out anything to do, and *I* don't want to plan out anything to do… why can't I just invite her over, and we don't do anything but chit-chat a little, and then have sex? And we'll just do that every time?"

I then transitioned all of my relationships to this format, even the go-go-go girls. Way easier, and far less time-consuming. If there's something I want to do, and I want some female companionship, I'll invite a girl along; otherwise, if there's nothing I want to do, I won't do anything. And, if you want to do something, but you don't know what, it's easy enough to task a girlfriend to find something: "Hey, let's do a day trip on Sunday. Can you figure out a cool place around here that'd be worth exploring, figure out what the 2 or 3 best things to see there are, and find a nice restaurant for us to eat at?" Boom - now you've got instant weekend day trip plans, and she'll be thrilled to look them up, with just a little direction from you.

In the thick of my social learning curve, I greatly preferred girlfriends who had a lot going on, because these were the girls who had the most to teach me - they'd get me to all kinds of events, meeting all kinds of people, and pushing my boundaries in many ways I might not otherwise have pushed them. But once you do that for a few years, you've pretty much done all these things a dozen times each, and they become far less interesting. It's easy enough to screen for if you want it - just ask her what she does for fun outside the house, and she's either going to light up her eyes and have a laundry list of things she does (she's a go-go-go girl), or she's going to "Ummm" and "Ahhh" or tell you flat out that she doesn't really do anything outside the home. Or, she might have a few things, but they're all girly things that you'd never join her for: mimosas Sunday mornings with the girls, for instance. There are plenty of either type out there - most important thing though is figuring out what you want, why you want it - and then going out and screening for it and getting it.

Chase

Gem's picture

Hey Chase

This is really accurate; it’s cool and feels pretty amazing/astonishing the first times around with a girl like this when you see how little time you’ve known the girl and in relation to that how deeply she trusts you and has fallen for you. In the article I think you mentioned making sure not to break the girl’s heart and that’s something to keep in mind with girls like this; I really love many of the girls like this though that are sweet, loyal and not too experienced but not too emotional (preferably) to compliment this. I see an inexperienced girl like this as kind of like a puppy: she can be sweet, genuine and loyal, you can give her your warmth and cuddle with her and she will give it all back to you, and you can teach her new tricks! Haha a good type of girl

I’ve been thinking more deeply and analytically about types of women, the type of girls I’m into, and what is suitable/what the standards or proper traits should be for a woman you want to be the mother of your children.

I’m fairly sure not all guys that are players are into the same type of woman: some guys may prefer a more emotional girl who needs them more or want a girl who has more experience opposed to less.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GKbN6fM3l3M

The girl from the video is Alice Eve; I think most of the women of Hollywood are quite whatever, or not real etc. but I find her, as a package, very definitively attractive and roughly the type of girl that I like to date. I think that I happen to be into the same type of girl you are Chase: a girl that is more rational than emotional, attractive but fairly conservative, intelligent, independent, goal-oriented, open-minded etc.

Where I have been confused lately is that these traits describe a more masculine woman (which I am characteristically attracted to) and when picking a mate shouldn’t a woman be more feminine? Here I mean a feminine woman in that she will have an emotional side to her that will want to be a good mother who is there a good deal of time for the children (and here career and actively moving forward has to take some sacrifice; both paths of career and family can’t be equally embarked).

I have noticed that while I am into masculine women part of me does screen for how a woman is with kids, how her relationship with children and her family is, and essentially I think I sort of assess (part consciously and part unconsciously) if the woman is mom material or not.

Something interesting to add here is that most of the girls that I’ve dated have been more masculine, rational types and in correlation to that have been somewhat less into kids or even not interested in having kids. I’ve had girl friends in social circle (can’t date a girl like this personally) who are much more emotional, clingy, feminine natured girls and these are the girls on the other hand I’ve seen who can’t wait to have kids.

Also out of what I’ve observed of different mentors of mine, men who settled down with a feminine woman tended to lead a more conservative life as opposed to the guys like you Chase who did not stay with a feminine girl and dated more masculine women and a seemingly subsequent more unconventional life (maybe it’s not a direct correlation but I feel like some latent pattern is perhaps there).

Which is preferable (if one can be outright said better over the other) more masculine or feminine characteristic women? Or perhaps the two aren’t mutually exclusive and a hybrid of the two types is possible/ideal. I’m sort of attracted to both types and don’t often find a mixing of the traits i.e. a girl that is really into career but also really into kids; and so I wonder here what would be ideal for me and what the proper mix for a girl that I may want to settle down and have kids with would be.

-Gem

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Gem-

That video of Alice Eve is a nice one; I wasn't terribly impressed with her in Star Trek, but in that interview she's very likeable - and yeah, that's basically the kind of really sincere, upbeat, inquisitive personality I find most appealing in a girl.

There's no right or wrong about whether to go for a softer or a stronger personality girl; I've found I bore too quickly with soft personality girls, personally, so tend to prefer stronger women - on the "4 Kinds of Girls" scale, I like TR/INs best.

One thing I wouldn't worry about much is maternal instincts; women tend to fall in love with their children pretty quickly, especially if:

  • They're already positive / upbeat / happy people
  • They respect and look up to the child's father
  • They have a reasonably safe and secure living environment

I've seen a fair amount of girls who had zero interest in animals or children make the seamless transition to devoted mother - it's surprising the first few times you see it, but becomes old hat after none too long. I wouldn't even consider "likes children and animals" a major thing to screen for in picking out a good potential mother - how she feels about other people's children and animals has nothing to do with how she feels about her own (I've also seen the converse - women who really love animals who have little patience for their own children; or women who love kids, but who find their own children disappointing).

Many career women view careers as their pathway to securing a stable future and a high caliber man - if you come along as a high caliber man and you've already set yourself up well financially / economically, you're likely not going to have to fight her to get her to stay at home - she'll stay at home after the birth of the first child, and then, because there are no money problems and she has everything she wants and she's become very attached to the child, unless she's an uber-career woman, she might feel a little antsy but otherwise not go back to work. The families in which women head back to work most quickly are the ones that need her paycheck most desperately, plainly and simply.

Chase

Dave's picture

Chase,

I'm gonna keep this short. I have been dating this girl for a few months now and everything has been great up to this point. I really love her but overtime I have gotten actually pretty decent at making women chase me. I haven't been in this situation yet actually but my girlfriend let me know today that she feels like "I don't need her" and it makes her feel bad...I was kind of stumbled and not even sure if I responded correctly. Maybe I am too aloof and the opposite of not clingy...honestly I just told her that I loved her and I see a future with her. And then she just said I guess.

Sorry this comes off noobish. I kept my cool in responding to her emotional need here but I was stumbled. And the reason I'm stumbled now is because I actually do love her and this is effecting me.

-Dave.

Likesgoodgirls's picture

Hi Chase,

Could you help me? Being driven crazy. There's this shy girl I chased and got her to agree readily enough for a first date. She was studying for finals and gave in easily to a "quick" dinner, that turned into a long dinner, and then eagerly accepted post-dinner coffee, and I ended up bringing her home fairly late. The ending was a bit awkward, it seemed like she couldn't decide what to do, but we hugged a goodbye at the end.

I called her the next day (I generally try to wait a little longer but issues would have forced me to wait a week if I didn't call) to ask her for a second date. She said she has projects and finals and may be a few weeks before she has time. I would've accepted a week or even two. I said if she has a few a little time to spare we should go out. She asked if she could respond next week to see how things are turning out.

That is the most infuriating answer I've ever received. I can't tell if I got politely rejected or she's unsure, or really is way too busy. She tried deflecting the first date with saying she has homework but when I insisted on dinner, it then blossomed into a full night's date. Now she's using the school thing again, but agreed to re-discuss it next week. How should I proceed on this one?

Anonymous's picture

Great article Chase, it's exactly what I was after. Everything you've said is spot on.

I've just had a first date with a really inexperienced girl - I mean she hasn't even had her first kiss and she's 23. While we had great conversation where she opened up to me, but I found it really hard to escalate and frame the interaction in a sexual way, because it would get really awkward really fast from her. I also found it really hard to go for the kiss with her. For someone like this, do I have to take it slower? How different should my approach be and how hard should I push her to close the deal?

I like her so I don't plan on dropping her after the second date if I haven't closed the deal by then and would like to explore a relationship with her (if I can ever close the deal!).

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