Making a Girl Jealous: Dos and Don'ts


make a girl jealousWouldn't it be great to have the girl you want green-eyed with envy and madly competing for you?

It'd be awesome... right?

Well, as you know, there are two sides to every coin. On the one side you have the oftentimes huge spike in attraction and investment you gain from a girl when she realizes she's jealous over you.

And on the other side... you risk becoming too aloof, too hard to get, and losing her altogether.

But, no risk, no reward, as they say. Learning how to make a girl jealous can be another mighty weapon in your seducer's arsenal. If you're not careful though, it can be a weapon you end up using with devastating effect... on yourself.

My intention here is to walk you through the mechanics of jealousy, using jealously plotlines to drive attraction and investment, and walking the tightrope between making girls chase you and sending them off ablaze in search of vengeance and validation.

As with any powerful technique, I must of course warn you... caveat emptor. Proceed here at your own discretion -- and at your own risk.

 

The Mechanics of Jealousy

"Love sees sharply; hatred sees even more sharp. But jealousy sees the sharpest -- for it is love and hate at the same time."

~ Arab proverb

Jealousy's a fascinating emotion. I've studied it rather closely over the course of my life -- it's a mighty changer of emotions and even life paths.

The ability to elicit strong emotions is the nuclear power of seduction: capable of lighting up a city (when used judiciously) or of razing one (when used clumsily or vengefully).

If I had to define jealousy in under 10 words, I'd define it thus:

Jealousy is wanting control where one has it not.

As such, certain kinds of individuals are more susceptible to it than others. Namely, those who like control and/or are accustomed to being in control.

You can quickly see how jealousy could be big for beautiful, high status women.

The way jealousy works is basically like this:

  • When someone you think ought to want you very much seems preoccupied with someone else, you begin to want to regain that person's attentions
  • When someone you like seems preoccupied with someone else, you begin to fear losing them, and pursue them harder

If you're familiar with the basic tenets of investment, it works thus: the more time, emotion, and energy you spend on something, the more invested in it you become, and the more and more highly you come to value it.

When you become jealous over a girl -- or she becomes jealous over you -- the desire to have that which you're jealous about very quickly escalates how much you value that person.

For that reason, we might say jealousy can supercharge attraction.

But there's a catch -- make someone too jealous, and she won't be able to handle not having what she wants (you), and instead will strike off to hurt you back and show you what you're missing out on by not being with her.

Enter something I call the "Jealousy Scale":

 

make a girl jealous

Obviously, the X, or horizontal, axis is the degree of jealousy; lesser to the left, greater to the right.

The vertical Y axis, though, is a little more curious: we might call it attraction, though the kinds of attraction at the opposite ends of the scale are of completely different natures: one is disinterest, while the other is disdain.

This is because of how amounts of jealousy affect people's emotions.

You might notice this isn't a standard bell curve distribution. It's a soft, gradual arc up to attraction; but a pretty precipitous drop off into the abyss of stone-hearted resentment if you go past the peak. I'll offer the disclaimer that this is based purely on my own experiences and countless anecdotes I've come across and had shared with me, but jealousy seems to work very much like this:

  1. On the far left of the curve, a woman has no feelings about a man and he is unvalued.
  1. A little more to the right, she begins to feel some stirrings of possessiveness, and is rather invested and interested in him.
  1. At the peak of the curve, she's very possessive and jealous about him, and feels a strong degree of attraction and is given to pursuit.
  1. Past that peak though, as jealousy builds to an even greater extent, she becomes resentful and disdainful of this man, and wishes to hurt him and exact revenge -- or at the very least be rid of his presence.

So actually, the two ends of the curve are qualitatively different.

The opposite of love is not hate. It's disinterest. Therefore, emotions trend increasingly strong to the right the greater the emotion gets -- but those emotions cross a threshold from being very good for the seducer to being very bad.

You can use jealousy to move women out of disinterest and into interest, and even ramp things up to the point where girls are chasing you. But you must be aware that making a girl jealous is playing with fire -- and overdoing it means there's a very good chance you might end up getting burned.

 

When Making a Girl Jealous Backfires

I'll tell you a quick story so you know what I mean.

Back in mid-2006, when I was still pretty green, I was going through a phase of seeing how fast I could physically escalate with girls in nightclubs. I was getting two-minute make-outs and that sort of thing. It wasn't particularly effective at getting girls to come home with me, but it was fun.

One girl I met one night I had on the dance floor with me and had my hands under her bra and in her panties within seven minutes of meeting her, and we were making out heavily.

"I have a really interesting ceiling at home," I told her. "I think you should come see it."

"Okay," she said. We headed for the door, but just as we were about to exit, her friends appeared out of nowhere to snatch her away. "Call me!" she cried.

I called her and texted her a few times the next week, but of course, she didn't answer my calls and she didn't text back.

The very next weekend, however, I ran into her and three of her girlfriends at the very same nightclub. She seemed only lukewarm toward me, so I decided to get her friends attracted to me. I'd run a jealousy plotline.

I started talking to her friends, and they all liked me. Soon she warmed up to me too. She even began competing for my attention. But, I decided to really ramp up her attraction, and largely ignored her to continue talking to her friends. This went on for about ten minutes -- but, then, I noticed she'd stopped paying me any attention. So at last, I turned my focus onto her.

She was ice cold.

"You know," she told me, "if you like someone, you should try talking to her." Then she turned and walked off, and I didn't ever see her again.

I'd overdone the jealousy and sent her into auto-rejection.

I've seen scads of guys doing this again and again. A friend of mine was doing it quite a lot, recently; he's a pretty cool and sexy guy, and he was already getting pretty solid attraction from girls, but he just felt like he always needed more, so he'd spin off from girls to go meet new girls to show the ones whom he'd been talking to previously how strong and successful and non-needy and desirable he was.

And it just kept on backfiring on him. The girls who were crazy about him earlier would end up making out with other guys in front of him, even going home with other guys, sometimes while staring at him explicitly as if to say, "This is what you're missing out on."

He did such a good job creating jealousy in these girls that he pushed them past that ledge, and they descended rapidly into auto-rejection. Filled with resentment, they did whatever they could to show him the error of his ways.

"I don't get it," he remarked, "these girls seem to really like me, and then they just act so cold and heartless later on!"

I pointed out to him that their actions were actually reactions to his actions, and he started scaling back the jealousy he'd previously been inspiring so much of. The change he saw was more or less immediate -- as soon as he took it a little easier on the jealousy plotlines.

 

When Making a Girl Jealous Works

I'll tell you one more story.

I was out one night in a lounge with a group of people, including a girl I'd slept with a few weeks earlier who was all over me at the lounge, and another girl I was interested in. A tall, beautiful girl I'd told to come showed up just as I was leaving with some of that group, and stroked my face lustily as I walked out.

At the next party I and some of the folks from that lounge ended up at, I turned things around with a girl who earlier was ice cold to me (she ended up giving me her phone number), all the while chatting up another girl who was cute but seemed more or less indifferent to me and had been there at the lounge earlier and come with us all to the party.

About 2 AM, I got a phone call from that tall, beautiful girl asking me to come to her apartment, but I, in my drunken stupor, instantly forgot her address and asked her to repeat it, and she, worried I'd get in an accident, refused to give it to me again. We debated my drunkenness for about 30 minutes on the phone, but I never did manage to get her to repeat her address.

Meanwhile, that cute, indifferent girl had born witness to all of this, me charming one girl after another, and gradually warmed up to me more and more. After I got off the phone with the girl who'd invited me to her apartment, I had another drink with the formerly indifferent girl -- and then we went back to my place and I took her to bed.

Her seeing me with those other girls shook her out of her apathy for me, and made her start seeing me as somebody desirable to be with. At the beginning of the night, I'd been at the far left of the scale -- not valued.

But on the weight primarily of a handful of jealousy plotlines throughout the night (with a little deep diving on the side), I moved up to somewhere between somewhat interested and intensely interested, and we ended up becoming lovers. I doubt I would've ended up with that particular girl without the attention from the other girls I received before her.

So, as it turns out, while making a girl jealous can be dangerous, it can also be highly beneficial toward your seductions. Because of that, this is something to play around with as a beginner, and something to really look to implement at least somewhat seriously once you're at an intermediate level.

make a girl jealous

 

How to Make a Girl Jealous

Usually I try to stay away from posting anything that might remotely be construed as "being manipulative." I like to operate from the light side of the force whenever and wherever possible.

This is just one of those things though that there's really no way I can talk about it without sounding like I'm telling guys to be manipulative, though. Ah well. Can't win 'em all.

In any event, before anyone starts pointing fingers about it, compare these Google searches:

Ladies, if you don't want us talking about this, all I can say here is... you started it.

;)

Women are the masters of jealousy plotlines. Most of what I know about how to make someone else jealous I learned from watching club queens who were experts at working the nightclub scene. Girls are good at this; it's one of their premiere social control tools.

As they say though, what's good for the goose is good for the gander, and what works here for women works for men as well.

What's great is, we can sift it all down to a few essential steps to get you off and running and get girls going a little crazier for you and chasing you a little harder. So, without any further ado, here's how to make a girl jealous:

  1. Talk to her a little first to wet her appetite. It's very difficult to make a girl jealous who's never met you before. She has to at least know who you are and like you a little bit (usually) before a jealousy plotline begins to kick in. Banter with her a bit, build some rapport, and generally just be your usual attractive self for at least a few minutes.
  1. Make subtle, casual conversation with a girl near her. The keys here are threefold: subtle, casual, and near her. These keys are essential to minding the Law of Least Effort and ensuring that your social maneuverings appear effortless and natural. I made the mistakes early on of awkwardly shifting gears to talk to new women, or striking out to search the entire venue for another girl to meet, often out of eye- and ear-shot, which didn't do very much for inspiring jealousy.
  1. Again, mind the subtlety. This one is important enough that I'm listing it out here again. What just about every guy does wrong here is make his flirting with a girl overt. But if she liked you when you talked earlier, flirting overtly is almost always going to be too much. You'll trigger too much jealousy in her, and push her into auto-rejection. Women aren't superheroes; they feel jealousy and uncertainty and worry just like everyone else. Letting her see you talking to another girl is more than enough most of the time; she doesn't need to see the two of you becoming bosom buddies too.
  1. Make it short. This is another common mistake, and one I was as guilty of as anyone else: turning a jealousy plotline into a full-blown seduction. You're trying to move things forward with Girl A, not Girl B. Don't lose sight of which girl you're there for. Get in, make some casual conversation with Girl B, and then, after four or five minutes, end it and get back to the girl you're there for. Too much longer and you risk losing her.

One of the credos I live by when it comes to meeting and succeeding with women is "keep your eye on the ball," and that's just as important when it comes to making girls jealous as it is with anything else. Run your jealousy plotline, but don't forget the main reason you're there -- to move things forward with the girl you like. And you can't do that while you're talking with someone else.

So, don't be afraid to use jealousy as a tool with girls who are only lukewarm in their interest to you, but be very careful about overdoing it with girls who already like you.

In fact, that's your top indicator for when to use jealousy and when not to:

  • Use jealousy with girls who are lukewarm or not all that interested in you or invested
  • Don't use it with girls who already like you a lot. Instead, focus on moving things forward with those girls with speed and decisiveness

Stick to that plan, and you'll be a heart-stealing, jealousy-inspiring lady killer in no time. Just remember that it's staying on the tightrope that makes all the difference.

Always,
Chase Amante

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Comments

Anonymous's picture

Girls, The sequel


I really love, love this girl but how do I know if she likes me back? I tried the jealousy thing and it works, to some extent. She seems upset that I've blown her off and then she comes back and talks to me later...I love her a lot but I think she likes someone else. How do I know without asking her?

coolio's picture

basicaly with me i never had


basicaly with me i never had the guts to ask but if im in ur situation ASK her because if she says no STUFF HER lol that means u can find an even better girl

matt36.'s picture

read this


ok will i say text her or email her and let her no how you feel and if her has anything for you or she will hold back your live waiting for her because you not sure. i when through this same thing and i got stroke for 3 years tell to day i make up my mind and say this will change everything she may stop talk to me or get closer too me and i told her i dont what us to stop talk i tell you i love you because i want use to get closer. and she reply this has too stop. Am not intrested in you and not to be hard but dont email me these messages again and i will not stop talking to you because you my friend. For the last time i making this clear am not into you so if i smile at you or talk to you it dont mean i have a change of heart. So my friend i think she will turn you down like i get turn down but how i can move on and get at girls that been intrested in me but i was just only on her all along and i also learn that girl are hard to read because they show intrest work you up and then when you all hot you let you down so now am on the rejectifull side i will make her feel sorry she turn me down because i will show her it have other girls what want you turn down. it something i cant help what the website say about girls jealousing guys goes both ways i hope this help you. but i hope you may get through because i work myself up so hard not to fall apart if she says she not in to you.

Anonymous's picture

The best advice I"ll ever give.


Wrong never email or txt if you want a real answer, instead don't bother just go see her face to face in fact tell her I'm coming over before you do this and that will get her really thinking oh shit I"m in big trouble now... It lets her know your serious about what your doing or going to talk about and that you can handle this. Guys it not hard it is the simple things that are the hardest that's why you don't see what to do. You just take it at face value and what that means is its superficial.... MEANING its not all that bad or good it just what it is. GOD is it sinking in lol just take it easy is what it means. Slow down girls love a guy that can take it slow, just go through every step even if she has another BF and she is you know with him every night
she figures if you want her that bad then your just going to have to (show her you can take it) Wait.. :) ok now go.

Dave's picture

Important Question


This problem just arose recently for me. During this whole jealousy plot, she's seem to gain interest for another guy. How should I handle this? Can he play an important role in the whole plot as well? Thanks a lot.

Anonymous's picture

Act like you don't care about


Act like you don't care about the other guy and like you are of more value. She will be attracted to you, and have a female friend to further heighten her attraction.

Anonymous's picture

This... Is the most amazing


This... Is the most amazing f**king thing I have read in a really long time! but would these strategies work for a girl who has "thrown" you away? for example; you both liked eachother, however, she got sick of you and doesn't want to talk to you anymore. If not, then, oh well this still made my day. cheers

Anonymous's picture

What can you tell me about


What can you tell me about this? A very sexy Alpha male (obviously I am a woman) at my last job was pursuing me...a lot. In fact, last August things were so tension-ridden I wanted to leave the job and become a trucker (so that I would be in the driver's seat, so to speak). And my husband was on at me about "handling it". Ok...this guy was a bit younger than me but I did not know it at the time (no wonder he called me his "cougar"). And he was totally turned on by cougars.

I did not respond to his coming on to me (I am married!) but we did talk quite a bit (but never on a deep level)...at times he seemed genuinely interested in me. One day he found another male co-worker, in fact a friend of his, sitting near me and holding my hand. I did not pre-arrange or plan this...this "friend" also liked me and wanted to ask me out for lunch. However...Alpha male (Guy #1...Brian) became very jealous about me sitting with "Rick" who was holding my hand. Brian made a comment to me the next day, something to the effect of "you are not as unique as you think you are"...and I blew off at him...anyway...

A few days later...Brian started talking to and flirting with Gail, who shared job responsibilities with me. I was amazed at how jealous and hurt I was!

Anyway...to keep it short...weeks went by with Brian and Gail always talking and becoming "bosom buddies" ...then I was out sick one day...the next day Brian caught up to me in the copy room and said, "Hey...I missed you yesterday..." and sounded like he really meant it. A few weeks after that he became flirtatious with me again...for a bit.

If he and Gail were very close and invested in each other...would he have said these things to me? What do you think was happening there? Brian is a player...but in today's world...who isn't? P.S. I no longer work there but think about him a lot...

Anonymous's picture

Duh


OK first thing is first if you think or sorry... "FELT" he meant it than he was coming off as such... Meaning he meant it!

So next thing is your married but your having second thoughts that's obvious so by the sounds of it your ready for more than just being married but is your hubby if not he just might lose you... No Correction WILL lose you.

What is your age if 20, 25 30, 35 than yes your looking for something or someone to simulate you. Your hubby best get on the "Ball" so to speak.

Anonymous's picture

confusing


I like her but I wasn't sure if she likes me. So one time I was talking to this other girl who was flirting with me the next day, the girl that I really like started giving me more attention. But there were many times that I feel like she just wants my attention and not want to pursue a relationship.

Anonymous's picture

Advice is Much needed.


In a nutshell, a guy that I'm friends with and I ended up sleeping together about a month ago (I'm a female, BTW). Going into it, he knew I liked him as more than a friend. That night, I TOLD him I liked him as more than a friend. Well, a month later, I'm still playing it cool and acting all "just friends"-ish just in case what we did weirded him out (he's skittish/shy/introverted)...giving him his space, etc. It might be my imagination, but he's acting like he's starting to reciprocate feelings, (staring, doing what he can to get my attention, making me laugh) just judging from a few tell-tale signs anyway...not normal behavior for him. Now for the point of my story-- the past few days he's been talking about how "fine" some other women are to our mutual guy friend and even made it a point to look at me yesterday and go, "You jealous?!" and all I said was, "a little bit." and I shut-up and gritted my teeth. I'm trying not to give in and blow up at him but its like he's asking for it! I just wish he'd stop. It's really immature. Why would he be acting this way? Whether he likes me or not, I wish he'd just tell me. It's not like I'm pressuring him for a response though. like I said, I've just been acting like nothing happened and being friendly. So what the F is he doing?

James B's picture

He sounds like an immature


He sounds like an immature jerk who doesn't know what he's trying to achieve, honestly.

He may have emotional issues, or he may just not be secure in his feelings for you.

Kudo's picture

Would this work with a girl


Would this work with a girl youve known for a long time????
I have this girl i like but.she confuses me . She mess with me n sorta askes me out but then the next day shes hanging out with,this other guy n having their secerts conversation...... But the thing is she doez does the same thing with me. So does she like me??? She messes with me one day n is cold the next, what should i do???
Thx

Just a friend's picture

Unfortunately


No, it's not going to work very well. You have a very slim window, the longer you've known a girl, the slimmer it gets. You have to be an extremely smooth operator, and an even better subtle manipulator for that. Practice up at nightclubs bud. Cheers.

Anonymous's picture

crap


a girl i like is in LOVE with my best friend and i am in LOVE with her what should i do

Anonymous's picture

You have to do sweet things


You have to do sweet things for her but leave it anonymous every time, like leave her a sweet note or something signed by anonymous , she wont know who its from but you may be giving her something her boyfriend is not and he might get jealous, so he might try to gain her attention back by trying to make her jealous but messes up, then u come for her rescue and give her attention in her comfort zone but do not make a move, she will soon realize who actually cares and who doesn't and will call u back to her and she will get your attention and she will fall for u as u are to her

freddy's picture

a girl i used to talk to and


a girl i used to talk to and sleep with cheated on me and blew me off as jus being her friend... long story short i feel she still has a lil intrest in me and want to make her jealous so i can flip the upper hand wat do i do? thanx

The Tool's picture

RE. A girl I used to talk to


Hey Freddy, Hope my insight helps, with this girl you say she cheated on you? and blows you off as just being her friend? Now I know it might be tough to hear but I would move on, I personally would never take or want a girl back that cheated on me, even though cheating is caused by both sides, your inability to make her satisfied with just you, and her sleeping around. My advice would be just to move on and find another girl. Have that abundance mentality this site always talks about ;) So yea skip the focus on her and go out and date other women.

Anonymous's picture

What If


I can relate to this a lot. Honestly too many guys eventually fall into the "Resentful" category. Looking at how easy playing those steps could be, it's quite sad. I lost such a beautiful girl this past month due to pushing my "jealousy plotline" too far, now all I see from her in return is a stone cold heart towards me. My question is, once it backfires on you, how can you undo what happened and fix things. Not necessarily to make her like you back, at least just to be friends again. Is it possible? I am desperate to know...

Anonymous's picture

please suggest me what to do and how to get back her........??


i love a girl very much but she had fall in love with my best friend and they were in a relationship after their break up i tried lot of things to get back her but she says I am a good guy but she dont want to be in a relationship with me, but after breaking up with my friend she got in a relationship with 4 or 5 guys but not with me. I think she is very desperate what should i do.please help me a love her a lot.

Anonymous's picture

just be friendly


You cant force someone to like u back if she doesnt want to date u she doesnt want to date you. You shouldnt be so friendly if you want to date her....be her boyfriend not her best friend....Dont give her all your attention bit just enough to keep her interested....and dont cater to her every whim. Love her but dont LOVE her.

Anonymous's picture

Making my ex jealous


Me and my ex broke up after years of being together 30 to 40 days ago. I love her and want to get her back. I know she is a very jealous creature and I was thinking about taking a girl out at a restaurant that her friends would see us. You think this is a wise tactic and what else should I do to make her jealous and want me back? your help will be a life saver!

Anonymous's picture

The Jealousy scale - works both ways.


I work with a girl who through circumstance I became friends with, she is very beautiful and charming, and very sweet, but in a long term relationship with her guy who she loves dearly, they have bought a house together and plan to marry. Anyway as we grew closer as friends I started to grow very fond of her, and her behaviour was always that she was attracted to me to some degree, this I feel was a catalyst to my feelings towards her which after a year got to the point where I started falling in love with her. This made me pretty unhappy so I started to back away from the friendship, as I was feeling a bit jealous of her boyfriend and annoyed with myself for falling for a girl I'll never have. I work with a lot of women so female company is a something I can't avoid at work. Her response was to overtly befriend a new guy who started working with us, and act super keen on him, as if to say our friendship/feelings were nothing to her. Another guy she would and still does flirt with right in front of me whilst ignoring me, and she would talk about her boyfriend a lot after hardly mentioning him for months beforehand.
To be honest due to the way I cared about her, her behaviour did hurt me a lot, to the point where I didn't want to be around her at all, the more I backed away the more she would behave like this trying to get a reaction from me, which would cause me to back away further still. She seems to act like I'm in the wrong for backing away from the friendship, and has recently been acting pretty cold towards me, avoiding me as I did her. But to me it does not make sense that she would try and make me jealous if all it was to her was a friendship, friends don't behave that way. My conclusion is that she was just in it for the attention and enjoyed the favourable attention I gave her, and when I took it away she just moved on to someone else and tried to make me jealous maybe because she thought I didn't like her anymore. True I didn't like her, I loved her.
Anyway in conclusion I can say that yes making someone jealous is very much playing with fire, and in my own personal experience I have a very low tolerance towards that kind of behaviour and will drop a girl if she starts trying to play me that way, simply because girl players are expert at stringing guys along using this technique and I have become wise to it.
Be careful about pushing it too far, women are more sensitive to it generally, and the more they like you, the more making them jealous will hurt them.

Anonymous's picture

Pretty Girls


This girl and I had been dating two years, we both go to Uni, she lives in a flat on campus but I flatted with a guy off campus. So while we were going out, she invited me over to her flat, and no one else was there. We decided to make out in the hot-tub and then she popped a (not the) question, "Do you want to have sex?". I of-course, knowing that my parents would kill me, and not wanting pre-marridal intercourse, I said no. So we kept on making out, but I wasn't feeling it. So she said what most relationships have, "I think we should take a break." So I said 'okay..' and got out of the hot-tub and went back to my place. That night my bro and I had a open-invite party at our place (planned a week ago). At that party, I had quite a few beers and got a bit drunk. I started chatting up this really pretty girl (still a bit sober), and we hit it off. Ten minutes later, being a bit more drunk, I started fingering her. Some dude said 'get a room' so we went into my bedroom. She said 'I want to show you something' then she took off her bra and her underwear. Being drunk, I followed her orders of 'taking off my clothes and lying on the bed.' I knew what was going to come next. We hit it off all night and in the morning we were lying on the double bed, naked, just like in the movies. She was still asleep, so I got up, checked my cell and I had about 37 text messages from my ex-girlfreind. I called her back and she invited me to her place again. So I went there and we made up and had sex with her. Now neither of the girls knew about each other. So I kept on going back and forth between places, doing it with the girls. Everyday. Until one day they met each other. I was still into the first girlfriend, and she still liked me. Both the girls were competing for my affection, until one day, my ex-girlfriend just stopped talking to me. Should I use this method with the second girl to get back my ex, or should I do it with a different girl, or should I just stay with the second girl?

Anonymous's picture

REAL IMPORTANT


So I'm dating a girl. We are both in college and shes been really messed up. She never answers my calls, get food and recieves food from other males in her class, accepts gifts and flowers from other men, and manages to turn it around on me when I get angry. Whats the right play here? What do I do to make her find me interesting enough for her to want me?

Lexi 's picture

(:


Guys we girls don't care if your really hot not cute or whatever here let me tell you something THE ONLY THING that turns on is a guy who is a bit dirty ass and a bit gentlemen that's really it see, look I like a guy he's not perfect though and I AS A GIRL can't figure what makes me fall in love with him so much! One Day I figured out what really turns us girls is just being you and always making us laugh that's really it(: bye. Hope this helped.<3 btw speak up if u rlly like this girl cause if you don't your gonna end losing her.<33 good luck. Btw just bout that jealousy thing. ALL of that was true if you actually keep up the jealousy thing you'll end losing her just make her jealous for a bit do t go to far.(:

Prince Albert's picture

I NEED HELP/ADVICE/THOUGHTS


I have a problem...

I have been in a relationship with this older woman for 6 months. I am 28 years old turning 29 in a month and she is 39 years old.
My girlfriend has a friend and he is a man in his mid 30's and he is gay! last week I was at work until 10pm and my car was in the shop so she was supposed to come and pick me up. at about 7pm her and her homosexual friend went out for some drinks and she came with him to pick me up. I was tired and they asked me to go out with them for one drink. I respectively declined and not to mention I had a bad cold. They dropped me off at my house at 10:30pm and my girlfriend said " me and my friend are going out for some drinks we will be back at 11:30pm-12:00am (midnight). I waited at home and fell asleep, they finally arrived at my place at 3am just them two with a 40oz of vodka. They asked me to get up and have a drink again I said no. so her gay friend closed my bedroom door. I got up 15 minutes later and sat down at my computer. I have a couch beside my computer desk and my girlfriends friend sat on the end of the couch closest to me about 3 feet. my girlfriend then walks over to him and kneels down n the floor and crawls towards him she then grabs his hand and said,
"look at this tatoo on his hand, it says my name in big letters" she then kissed his hand, his forearm, his cheek and said "ILove You." I walked out of the room and asked my girlfriend to tell him to leave.

My girlfriend didnt think there was anything wrong with that display! she thinks that Im over reacting and that there is nothing between them but, I told her
"he has a dick doesnt he!?" 3 months ago for my girlfriends birthday he gave her a picture of my girlfriend and him beside eachother and it was framed!

-the tattoo of my girlfriends name
-the kneeling and the kissing and hugging
-just the two of them drinking together all night

I mean is there a reason I should be jealous or am I over reacting to the whole situation like she says?

I would like to expell these thoughts of jealousy from my mind! how can I move forward in my relationship without these thoughts of jealousy everytime she goes out with him or should a 39 year woman who is in a relationship be drinking all night with another man
(who is gay)? I need feedback please. thank you.

snakecharmer's picture

He's gay, but..


Your gf is friends with a guy who's homosexual. I used to live with a friend of mine who is homosexual, and he was very close to one of my other roommates who was a chick. Girls make-out etc. with their best buddies who are gay - its somehow a carefree feel good experience to women, and I've felt its sexual to only a point. Let me add one more experience I had; One of my good friends is a very attractive lesbian. We kiss whenever we go out - its a feel good thing, but its only sexual to a point. One night after a small party, on our way back home during a stopover at a bar, she mentioned to me that though she doesn't date men, but she does sleep with men she finds attractive, in other words, she indicated to me that I a romp with me wouldn't be a bad thing for her. I backed out since I considered her too close to sleep with and I was hung up on somebody. Long story short, I feel you are right if you are concerned, you need to tell her that you do not like it, and tell her that from a position of strength ("I do not like when you...") and not from a position of weakness ("I feel hurt when you... "). Afterall, if she cannot stop kissing another man if you don't like it, then you're not the most important man in her life. Sucks to say that, but true.

ron's picture

in reply to 'I have a problem...'


Albert, just read your story. Well sice he is a gay so not much to think about it but still... jealousy is not all about sex i guess. It rests a lot upon the emotional controls that one exercises upon his/her partner. you might have felt that the gay friend must have won ha large portion of her heart and thats why they can enjoy themselves. well its absolutely logical. its not only the body that we want to ensure but the mind also which is just full of unknown complexities.

Danny's picture

Gone too far?


I really like my neighbour who is single and recently we have had cups of coffee together and cooked each other a meal. I have also done odd jobs for her and she has always given me a gift to say thank you.
Then I realised I loved her so I emailed and told her she was pretty and that I wanted to get close to her over time. I told her we made a good team. I am divorced and have 1 adult daughter who lives 600 miles from me so do not see her that often.
The girl did not reply so I pushed a note through her letterbox telling her that I thought I loved her.
The next day she got up late and after a few hours she emailed me saying she was quite shocked to get the note and it took her by surprise. She said she viewed me as a neighbour and didn't want to give me any false hope that something would happen in the future. Her email was polite and sensitive but I felt gutted.
She also said she would get someone else to mend her fence as a few months back I offered to help but I said I would do it for her and she said only if I gave her a price so she really was treating me like a handyman. I did it for her but I found her pulling away from and she didn't engage in as much conversation with me. I waited for her to sunbathe and then I went across to her with a piece of cake I had just made and she was a bit annoyed that I had interrupted her. She ate it (reluctantly) and she felt awkward but she was polite. I sat down right in front of her and watched her eat it and then she gave me the plate back and as I got up she said thank you and it was nice seeing me.
I was irritated by her attitude and her non interest in me so a day later I got a hooker to come and stay with me and I hoped the girl would see me with her and get jealous and want me.
I haven't seen the girl since but yesterday I felt sick and gutted and that I had made a mistake.

Any advice about this girl please. She seems content to live on her own.

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