Lately I’ve been writing a lot of posts alluding to various aspects of the female psyche. This is mostly the result of a lot of deep diving I’ve been doing with lovers and female friends. So, I decided to write a comprehensive post about how women think about their own entire world – about life, love, and of course… sexy men.
Getting into the mind of a woman is no easy feat; it can be really difficult for guys to understand where women are coming from, because they do think much differently from men. And their social expectations are also much different from men’s. So I’m going to give you an inside look into the female mind, which I hope will help you understand how women perceive you, and help you take your game to the next level.
How Women Think About Life
She and I were lying in bed after a passionate night. I was gently stroking her hair as we discussed what the future held for her. She was moving thousands of miles away in the morning. She told me that she needed to get away; she needed to start a new journey where she could get everything she wanted out of life. I asked her what she was looking for – what ethereal dream she was trying to grasp at in the new land that she would find herself in.
I want excitement, Colt. I’ve spent too much of my life doing what my parents have wanted me to do, or what my friends have wanted me to do, or what my boyfriends have wanted me to do. I just want to do something different. I want to do something for me for once. I want to find true love. You know that I’ll always care about you, but our relationship is unsustainable. I need someone who will be with me for the long haul. This was amazing, but as far as I’m concerned, you are the past.
She gave me a soft kiss on the cheek as we faded into a distant sleep. When I awoke, she was gone – never to be seen again. All I had left was a room overflowing with memories.
Women Want Adventure
When you are trying to get compliance from a girl or pull her – or make her do basically anything that you want to do – if you want a strong reaction from her, just use the word “adventure”. “Let’s leave this bar. Come on an adventure with me right now.” Just watch what happens to their faces when that word leaves your mouth.
Women absolutely love the idea of adventure. I presume that part of it is biological: the man who will produce the fittest offspring will go and fend off saber tooth tigers in order to get food for his family. So a modern day man who is willing to go on an adventure with her is showing off his basic masculinity in the strongest manner.
I think another part of it is that female life is actually quite mundane. It’s so funny to me when guys paint a picture of women as these fairy tale princesses. They consider them to be these pristine pixies who never get angry, who always look beautiful, and who never have to use the toilet. But as I’ve said many times, and will continue to repeat until the skeptical newbies internalize it, 95% of women live boring lives. The life of the average woman will more or less consist of work/going to school, watching Netflix, gossiping with friends, partying, primping, and distracting herself on her smartphone. That’s it.
There’s no great mystery. There’s no going around and dumping pixie dust on people. I should also add that if there’s a man in her life she’ll be having sex, but that’s only if there’s a man in her life. So don’t treat her like she just floated out of the pages of a fairy tale; she lives a life that’s far less interesting than yours in all likelihood. And the funny thing about this situation is that it’s completely okay for women to live mundane lives in the eyes of society. That’s the great distinction between the sexes.
If a man is living a boring life with no true sense of purpose or direction, he’s considered a chump by society.
If a woman is living a boring life with no purpose or direction, society says that she can just marry a high-value man who is living a remarkable life.
That’s the difference that you need to be ever mindful of. And that’s why so many women crave a change of pace. They aren’t put under much external pressure to be leaders by society, so they can fly by the seat of their pants and coast through life if they want to. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not arguing that all women want to just coast. There are some truly remarkable females in this world. But what I am saying is that they always have the choice to coast – if they want to.
The Playground vs. The Obstacle Course
A man’s life is incredibly challenging. If you want to be at the top of the hill, you have to battle and work and sweat to overcome your own insecurities, your own limitations, and your own competition. Because of this fact, I think the best analogy for a man’s life is an obstacle course. There are always challenges to be overcome, and sometimes those challenges are going to break you. Sometimes it’s going to take a really long time to get past one obstacle. But eventually, if you’re a determined man, you will find a way to persevere and overcome. And if you get really good, the obstacle course can become easy and maybe even fun at times. But, most people don’t reach that level.
On the flipside, a woman’s life is a constant search for stimulation and validation. If a woman wants to be at the top of the hill, all she has to do is make herself as beautiful, sexy, and graceful as she possibly can. And these are qualities that come naturally to most women, so they’re not incredibly difficult to cultivate. So a woman’s life is more like a playground. She looks for things to amuse herself and prove that she’s the best climber, runner, etc. There are definitely times where she’ll fall and get hurt, but just like kids on a playground, there will always be someone there to pick her up.
Once again, there are some women who choose to make their life an obstacle course. They decide that they want to enter the male sphere and be treated as equals. So they become high-powered career women who focus on making money and having sex and overcoming obstacles just like men. And some men find this attractive. But most men aren’t interested in women trying to be men.
All Women Really Are Different
Women like to call themselves “snowflakes” because no two are exactly the same. And despite the fact that this is a cliché, it’s true in a very important sense. The problem with the pickup community a few years ago (and with newbies now) is that guys thought they could just use some magic pill blanket method on all girls.
And then you would have one guy who would swear by his method because it usually worked for him. And you’d have another guy swearing by his method, and so on and so forth. That’s not to take away from any of these individuals – there were always top level guys accomplishing amazing things. But, it was everyone who wasn’t on the top level that proved troublesome. Because they’d pick one specific venue or one specific type of girl, and just assume that their method would work on every girl.
Well, we all know what happens when you assume…
And then you’d get legions of frustrated guys who did “those exact moves” on every girl, and got slews of rejections. That’s because, as men, we come in a very specific subset of varieties. More or less every man will fall into one of the 9 masculine archetypes.
Moreover, most guys pretty much want more or less the same things out of a woman:
- Someone they find attractive
- Someone who shares their interests
- Someone who takes care of them
With some guys, just the first two will be enough. With guys only interested in hooking up, oftentimes the first will be enough!
And women know this. Women know that a man’s biological imperative is just to have sex with as many women as possible. We have nothing to lose. As soon as we let out some sperm, our body automatically produces millions and millions more.
But with women…the implications are much different. If they have sex, they could get pregnant. This means nine months of carrying a child, years of bringing it past infancy, and then decades of bringing it into adulthood. That’s a big job. And if she’s carrying a child from a weak man who has low chances of survival, she’s made a very heavy, and very poor, biological investment.
So women a much larger checklist for the guys she wants as lovers. They want a man who:
- Is dominant and can prove that he is a true protector
- Is loving and won’t abandon her for another woman
- Is physically fit so he can produce healthy offspring
- Is driven so that he can provide a stable life for a family
- Is congruent and doesn’t just put on a front of being a dominant man
- Is like-minded, so a long term life can actually be built
There are probably still a few more that women valuate, but that list covers the most important elements.
And of course, it’s important to acknowledge that the advent of contraception has made women more free to have much more sex, but, despite what most guys may think, they were not designed to have sex with scores and scores of men. So a woman who is looking for more than just a one-night stand will be evaluating these qualities in every man who tries to become her lover.
Enter the Mind of a Woman
Just because a woman’s life doesn’t have any direct career pressure doesn’t mean that being a woman is easy. Being a woman is anything but easy.
Childhood. As a child, girls are taught that women need to be graceful and feminine and that good boys are supposed to work to win them over. She starts wearing clothes that are designed for stick figure models, and has the idea that her body is inadequate embedded into her psyche from an early age.
Adolescence. As an adolescent, she starts to experience that wonderful phenomenon known as menstruation. At this point, she’s already had years of wondering why her body isn’t the way that the magazines and movies say it should be, so she figures that there must be something wrong with her. At this point, guys are starting to awkwardly flirt with her and her friends. She doesn’t know how to navigate the waters of romance, and she’s quickly learning just how important looks are to guys. She soon internalizes that guys judge girls almost entirely on their appearances, so she spends hours getting ready to go out every day.
Early Adulthood. At this point she’s entered her prime. She’s more mature, but still has the vivacity of youth. Assuming that she’s somewhat attractive, guys are knocking on her door left and right. And if she’s hot, then she’s had droves of men trying to sleep with her, and has learned that people will be exceedingly nice to her for no reason. When she starts going out, she has droves of men hitting on her in bars and clubs and learns to link her validation with the amount of attention she gets from men. If she gets a lot of attention, she feels good. If she doesn’t, she’s down on herself. She starts to learn the true importance of maintaining her reputation. She learns that she can pretty much have as much sex with guys as she wants.
She learns that girls are always competing with her and that she needs to master anti-slut defense tactics. She likes men, but if she’s in the West, she has to reconcile her desires with society telling her that women should be Madonnas. She’s now even more insecure about her body because she realizes how many other beautiful women there are in the world and how her body still can’t measure up to the media. She starts thinking about her future; if she’s not the career type, she has to hide the fact that she wants to be a more traditional woman. She has to deal with her “friends” trash-talking her behind her back.
Early-Middle Adulthood. She can feel her biological clock ticking. She knows that a great part of her value lies with her looks, so she has to do everything she possibly can to preserve those looks. If she wasn’t brought up with the graces of self-development and cultivating herself as a woman, she finds it more difficult to keep men around. She knows that she has to lock down a high-value man as soon as possible. Yet, society is telling her that she’s only getting sexier as she gets older and that her “true” prime is later in life. If she believes this narrative, she is deluded. She’s slowly beginning to lose her looks and she notices that male attention towards her is starting to wane in favor of younger, more energetic girls in early adulthood. She starts to worry more about keeping up with the magazine aesthetic, and feels herself getting increasingly insecure. She still has plenty of sex with guys, but is starting to tire of her lifestyle.
Late-Middle Adulthood. If she doesn’t have a family (or at least a husband/serious bf) at this point, she starts to wonder where she went wrong. She is frustrated by the fact that she’s not in her “sexual prime.” She’s exhausted from all of the sex that she’s had and wishes that she could just find a quality man. The interest she receives from men is dropping precipitously and she knows that her looks are fading. She wonders if she can still pull off having a high-value man, but knows that she’ll probably just have to settle for a second rate beta male who will be a safe option and take care of her. If she has a family with him, she will probably cheat on him and still wonder where she went wrong. If she has a family with a high-value man she slowly accepts that her looks are fading, and is pressured to make a decision between caring for her family or being the career woman that new-age women tell her to be.
Late Adulthood. She has now become more or less irrelevant to society outside of her family and close circle, unless she’s an unusually remarkable woman.
So men think that they need to look towards women for validation, but the reality is the exact opposite. Women look towards men and society for validation. In fact, a woman’s whole life is based on seeking external validation. This is why women are so incredibly insecure. They live in a society that constantly reminds them that they’re not good enough in some way or another. And I think it’s truly difficult for men to empathize with that fact. A man can always improve himself – that is his choice. But a woman’s aesthetic – though flexible – is not nearly as fluid.
So it’s important to take away that being a woman is far from easy. There is a lot of biological and social pressure brought upon them.
Love and Sexy Men
Because women live in a constant state of seeking out adventure and validation, they look for a source that can constantly give them both of these things: they look for a sexy man.
To a woman, there are few things more valuable than a sexy man. A sexy man will keep things fresh, unpredictable, hot, fun, and will always masterfully remind her of how beautiful she is and how much value she has as a woman and as a human being. Who wouldn’t want that?
And notice that there’s nothing in there about how that man looks or how much money he has. The only factor to consider is how a man makes a woman feel. There are plenty of rich/good looking guys who can’t give women this feeling. And that’s why women don’t sleep with them. Likewise, there are plenty of average looking, non-rich guys who can give women this feeling. And women fall hard for them.
And the man who can sustain this feeling in a woman for a lifetime and give her a family is the man she will love. There’s nothing more impactful to a woman than the power of love. That’s what women dream of when they’re wrapped up under their covers at night. It’s a love that will make her body ache for a man in the beginning stages, and her heart slowly sink into a warm old-love for him in the late stages. Once she’s in love, she can embark on a complete and meaningful journey with the man of her dreams.
That’s why women put so much effort into looking good.
That’s why they put up with the weak advances of men who have no idea what they’re doing.
That’s why they let themselves get heartbroken.
That’s why they read romance novels.
That’s how women think about life and love.
I don’t know what became of the girl who ventured thousands of miles away to find her own love and adventure, but I can only hope that she was able to seize her own dream.