How to Stop a Cockblock (Without Breaking a Sweat)


Over on the discussion boards, Landlord (a knowledgeable guy who's been having plenty of success and taking a bunch of girls to bed recently) asked about strategies on how to stop a cockblock:

cockblock

This girl was really into me, we had a great conversation, I went in for a kiss, she protested, I insisted, she gave me a strong, aggressive kiss/....she even 'apologized' for being so aggressive. Within 20 seconds, obstacle grabs her hand and drags her away.

HB9 immediately changes tone...says "you had your chance" and gives me her back walking away. I wait, go to the bathroom, then pursue. Ask for the number, she says "I would rather take yours, I want to be in control." I make a joke about that, put my number in her phone, then ring myself. She gives me shit about that. Will try to follow up, but not expecting any response.

A great interaction with a girl which included a kiss close and a number close was spoiled because I didn't handle the friend right....

The good news is, Landlord heard from the girl in his example here later on, and they made plans to meet up. So not all was lost (the full thread on the boards is here).

If you're out and about and actively meeting new women in social venues, though (picking up girls in bars, nightclubs, parties, lounges, networking events, happy hours, get-togethers), you're sure to run into the problem of cockblocks sooner or later, and you'll often end up going half-mad when you do. How can someone else just come up and interrupt you and this girl when you're talking to one another and simply drag her away?

In this article, we'll be aiming to help you remedy these situations, by examining the two approaches to neutralizing the cockblock: prevention of the thing, and cure.


cockblock

What would you like to know more - how to stop a cockblock, or how to not get cockblocked at all in the first place?

Life is always easier when you don't have so many problems to deal with to get the things you want. And cockblocking is one of those problems life's simply just easier without.

To prevent the thing, however, you must first understand the thing.

You may think that some people live to make you miserable - that their sole purpose on this Earth is to play saboteur to your mission of sweeping some lusty maiden off and away to your bedchambers for an evening of bliss.

But the truth is, a cockblock - man or woman - has her own reasons for doing what she does... and to her they seem perfectly valid.

And if you don't want her interfering when you are the one talking to her friend, you need to understand what those reasons are - and see to it that you're the exception to her rules.


Why Friends Cockblock

There are, in my estimation, four (4) primary reasons why someone will cockblock somebody else:

  1. Jealousy. This can take several forms - it can be the friend-zoned male friend who secretly wants this girl you're talking to to be his (and doesn't want to lose her to you), or it can be the female friend of hers who is attracted to you herself and is jealous you've chosen her friend, or doesn't care so much about you but is spiteful that her friend has met someone while she herself has not.

  2. She doesn't like you. In this instance, you've either rubbed her the wrong way or she's decided that you "aren't good" for her friend. Whichever the case is, she's going to stop you, either out of pettiness because she just dislikes you, or out of a protective instinct to prevent her friend from making a "bad decision."

  3. She thinks her friend is incapacitated. Women tend to go to social gatherings in groups, and - especially with young women - some of them can drink a lot. If a girl thinks her friend is too drunk to make a proper decision, she may intervene here to prevent her from making a "mistake." There are other forms of incapacitation, too - the next most common one you'll see is emotional incapacitation. If a friend thinks her girlfriend is behaving too recklessly (if, say, she just broke up with a boyfriend she really wanted to be with), she may step in to prevent her doing something she'll later regret.

  4. You've missed an escalation window. This one's the most common issue that intermediate and advanced guys run into - a girl shows interest in you, you don't bite quickly enough, she starts feeling awkward / uncomfortable / spurned, and her friend steps in to rescue her and help her save face. This is the most easily avoidable - you just have to act when she signals for you to act - and the one you'll end up kicking yourself over when you realize it, because she actually really liked you.

Of these, #3 is somewhat unavoidable (and completely understandable)... her friends know her better than you do, and if they think she's not behaving like herself or she's making decisions she ordinarily wouldn't make because of alcohol or freewheeling emotions or any other reason, it's worth respecting them stepping in here and properly looking out for her. Though even with this one, friends are much less likely to interfere if you're doing a great job on all the preventative measures I'm going to give you below (basically, if they think she'll be mad at them the next day for "saving" her from a really cute / awesome / rare kind of man, they'll frequently let her do what she wants).

The other three reasons though are combinations of you doing something wrong, and the male or female friend doing the cockblocking maybe being not so cool.

In my experience, it's almost never 100% that they're simply not cool people - you always play some part in eliciting this reaction from them.

And the part you play - whatever it is you're doing that's leading her friend or friends to intervene - that's the thing we need to target in getting you not doing... so you stop eliciting this reaction from friends.


If You Were Her Dream Man...

... would her friends cockblock?

Would she let them cockblock?

If you were the most attractive man she'd met in ages...

... the sexiest man she'd met in ages...

... the most charismatic man she'd met in ages...

... the most riveting conversationalist she'd met in ages...

... built the best emotional connection with her she'd had in ages...

... made her more sexually excited than she'd been in ages...

... do you really think they'd cockblock?

No.

They almost never would.

cockblock

Cockblocking is a behavior dependent on a certain set of beliefs:

  1. That the friend will be grateful for the intervention, or at least won't mind

  2. That the friend will not protest or try to stop the intervention

  3. That you will accept the intervention, and will not protest

  4. That the cockblocker is more socially adroit than you are and can kill your interaction more easily than you can deflect her attempts to do so

The less assured she is of any or all of these, the less likely a cockblock is to occur.


Making Cockblocking a Thing of the Past

You'll have much more energy to focus on picking up girls if you don't need to spend that energy deflecting one cockblock after another. Here's what you need to handle to make cockblocks largely ancient history:

  1. Get your fundamentals down tight. Of course. The more attractive, compelling, exciting, sexy, and powerful a man you become, the more her friends will approve of you talking to their friend, and the less they'll feel inclined to pull you away. Additionally, the more you level yourself up, the more nervous they'll feel about challenging you or asking her to leave you - the more likely they'll fear their intervention will be rejected or thwarted and they'll look like awkward and unwanted interlopers into their friend's conversation.

  2. Be lower energy. This one isn't always possible for everybody - some men are just naturally bouncing-off-the-walls enthusiastic all the time. But the more calm and relaxed you are, the less urgently her friends feel the need to step in - and the less likely they are to feel a need at all. This is mainly for Law of Least Effort reasons; the less energy you appear to be putting into things, the less energy relative to you the GIRL will appear to be putting in, too, and that imbalance in energy levels will place her into the role of apparent pursuer and make her seem to be the one who's chasing. Which means they'd be more cockblocking their friend by intervening than they would be cockblocking you, and most people are loathe to cockblock their own friends.

  3. Get locked in as quickly as possible. This goes hand-in-hand with point #2; once you're locked in, you're expending less effort, and the girl you're speaking with is likely to appear to be chasing you, rather than the alternative. The friends are vastly more likely to leave you alone this way (and your girl is a lot more likely to get really annoyed at them if they pull her away once she starts feeling like she is pursuing you).

  4. Don't be overly sexual or physical. Friends commonly take the opportunity to step in to cockblock when they notice a man getting physical or sexual with their friend in public - as in Landlord's example from earlier in this article. When a friend looks over and sees her girlfriend being physical with a man she's just met in public, she'll quite often instantly a) write the man off as a "sexual predator," and b) slot her friend into the "too incapacitated to make rational decisions (like, not acting slutty in public)" and she'll step in to save her. Don't want to trigger this response? Refrain from being too physical in front of her friends.

  5. Don't talk to sexy in earshot of the friends. There's an old rule-of-thumb that every girl wants sexy men for herself, but safe men for her friends. It's why blind dates so rarely work out... a girl thinks, "Well, this guy's too safe for me, but he's PERFECT for MARIE!" Then she introduces the guy to Marie, and Marie thinks, "Geez, why did she throw THIS guy on me? He's a total BORE!" Just be cool and charismatic in front of her friends, and keep your sexy vibe from getting too dramatic. Keep a lid on most of the chase framing and sexual frames, too - until the friends can't hear the two of you, at least.

  6. Be cool, polite, and social with the friends, but not too involved. It's important that you're charming and likeable with her friends, but, like we discussed in"5 Essential Insights on How to Meet Girls in Groups," you don't want to spend too much time talking to them or trying to win them over - you'll seem like some platonic social guy and your girl will lose interest, or they'll wonder why you're there and it'll seem weird and they'll excuse themselves, or they'll know what you're doing and it'll look like you're weak and uncertain and are trying to ingratiate yourself. Trust that you're likeable enough with just a smattering of short, polite conversation that if they can tell their friend likes you, they'll leave the two of you alone. Most people are this way - be cool, do a good job with the friend, put in a bit less effort than she's putting in, and they'll mind their own business.

The theme here of course is this: be calm, be relaxed, be natural; don't go crazy with trying to win over the group or be too touchy with the girl in front of them; don't make her look like she's lost control over herself, but do make it seem like she's putting in more energy and effort than you are to move this interaction forward, and do make it seem like she's the one in pursuit.

And of course, be your most attractive self, and always work on upgrading your attractiveness with women.

Hit all these notes, and cockblocking very quickly becomes something you hear other guys complain about, and in response you smile and harken back to when that used to happen to you too.

The best part of doing everything here though? Her friends recognize that you're the kind of man she almost NEVER meets - because he almost doesn't exist - and will quite often help the two of you to get together.

Once I started doing these things, I'd have girls' friends gunning for me to get the girl, girls' friends stepping in to tell them I was cute, that they should go home with me, that they were going to head to some other part of the venue and leave the two of us alone... I'd have girls' friends disappear and end up leaving venues entirely, so that the girl was left alone with JUST me. And it started happening so consistently that I was amazed... after having used to have had girls cockblock me when I'd talk to their friends, having them suddenly (and it did seem like the shift was pretty sudden when it started happening regularly) batting so hard for us to get together was a shock.

I didn't even know how to handle these situations at first - it felt a little contrived to have the friends just dump her alone with me and take off. But you soon adapt.

For meeting girls in social venues, I feel like this is one of the biggest things you want to work on once you've hit intermediate or so in your seduction skills. Once you get this down, and don't have to worry about friends pulling girls away from you all that often - and even start getting the layups where friends are leaving girls alone with you, their implicit and STRONG suggestion to your girl that the two of you get together - it makes it a lot easier to work on the later stages of your process and level your girl-getting skills up faster.

Yet, sometimes you still need to pull out the old box of tactics and figure out how to deal with a cockblock anyway.


cockblock

For obvious reasons (less effort, less fighting, lower variation in outcomes), I much prefer NOT having to deal with cockblocking in the first place to having to deal with it and putting it down.

However, you always need contingency plans, and you should always have a rabbit to pull out of your hat when you've made some mistakes early on or meandered into a situation you're not familiar with where things go a bit awry and you need to put out fires and make magic happen.

Knowing how to stop a cockblock, when you happen to encounter one, is that rabbit in your hat... it's the pound of cure.

You won't be able to stop every one... but you can get good enough at it that you stand a chance.


The Later, the Better

Very rarely, you will get "cockblocked" the instant you say "hello" to some new girl.

There's almost nothing you can do about this.

It really only happens when:

  • You approach a girl in a weird / awkward / off way that the friend picks up on and steps in to shut down

  • You approach a girl who's dressed very flashy or is otherwise a center of attention and has been fending off pickup attempts all night, her friend(s) on high alert to close down all comers

  • You've caught the girl or her friend's notice in a negative way - if you're going around a venue very high energy, for instance, and they don't like that, they may even be watching you and waiting for you to come up to them so they can blow you out

Very occasionally, you can turn these around if the girl likes you and the friend's cockblock was an autopilot response or otherwise half-hearted - running a little confusion game mixed with some solid commands here can sometimes do the trick if she was expecting you to just roll over, e.g.:

You: [opener]

Friend: [immediately jumping in] We have to go to the bathroom.

You: [in a warm, friendly tone and big eyes] We'll wait here for you. [turning back to girl you intended to talk to and closing the cockblock out with your body language] Stand right here for me. [move her and get into a more comfortable position yourself] That's better. This place is a jungle.

What you're doing there is warmly but quickly telling the cockblock to go do whatever she was going to pull the friend away to do - except alone - and then immediately commanding the girl you're interested in to communicate to the friend attempting a cockblock that she's listening to you, not her.

Any girl who's a grizzled bar veteran won't be too terribly fazed by this - her responses to it can range anywhere from just grabbing her friend and physically dragging her away (if she really just wants to get out of there) to getting in your face and picking a fight (if she's feeling argumentative).

Usually though, if you get cockblocked on opening, you won't have much recourse except to shrug, throw a look on your face that says, "Hey, that stuff happens," then hang out for a moment staring off into space before talking to someone else (or, casually jumping into conversation with a friend nearby if you're not going out alone).

Fortunately, most of the time you get friends jumping in to disrupt your conversation you're at least a few minutes in. The later you are, the better, because you'll have more rapport with your girl, she'll like you more, and she'll be more willing to go to bat for you and fend off her friends... provided you're doing things right, that is.


Reading the Signs

The #1 time for a friend to jump in and cockblock (if you're intermediate with girls and up)?

When you're missing an escalation window.

If you recall earlier, when someone's cockblocking, she's most likely to do this when she believes she won't be spurned or rebuffed. She doesn't want rejection - she wants to step in and get a, "Yes, please save me!" from her friend.

Normally, that means she will be watching her friend's emotions like a hawk, and as soon as the window has passed and not been capitalized on - and attraction starts expiring and the girl you're talking to begins to go from being excited to feeling awkward and uncomfortable - that's when she'll step in to shut you down.

That means if you find you're getting cockblocked a lot, and you're generally pretty good with women, you're almost certainly missing escalation windows. And women’s' friends are picking up on it.

One of the subtle things you might have missed in Landlord's example at the start of this article was the girl at one moment apologizing for being so aggressive - a loud and clear sign to do something with her right then - and, 20 seconds later, her friend dragging her away, and her telling him he "had his chance." Those are the beginning stages of auto-rejection - she started feeling like she was giving him blaring signals, and (at least in this instance... I think Landlord's usually a pretty smooth operator) he wasn't jumping on them quickly enough, so she began to reject him before he could ignore or reject her.

Meanwhile, the friend picked up on it, and jumped in to save her.

cockblock

This isn't the case always - especially if you're a beginner, or if you're a little rusty or off your game, sometimes you may just be saying all the wrong things or hitting all the wrong notes with a girl, and her friend picks up on this and steps in.

Or, sometimes you may start talking to a girl only to find you have zero connection, the conversation is awkward, and both of you are kind of wishing you weren't suddenly stuck talking with one another. In this case, the cockblock can be a merciful reprieve.

But much of the time, if you have a fairly good handle on what you're doing with women, the issue isn't that you're not likeable or she's intoxicated or the friend is jealous. Usually it's just that you had a shot with her, and missed it... and the friend's helping her to not feel ashamed at your "rejection" of her.

So, we know that usually, if a cockblock happens, you're at least partly to blame:

  • You came in a bit "off" on the opener / fumbled your way in (or opened when she was in the middle of a conversation or not open to meeting someone)

  • You rubbed a friend the wrong way, or didn't seem likeable for some reason (usually this one's attainability - you don't seem humble or genuine, or like a warm person)

  • You missed an escalation window and the girl you're talking to has begun to feel awkward and auto-reject

... although it can occasionally be something largely out of your hands:

  • She's been getting hit on a LOT, and her and her friends' defenses are up very high - you need to come in very smooth to get around this (or get her to approach you)

  • She's had too much to drink, is sick, or is emotionally out of sorts, and her friends don't want her making mistakes

Here's the rub: if it's genuinely not about you, the cockblock will be very soon or even immediately into your talking to her. You'll watch her get pulled away before you've even traded names.

If it happens later, it almost always means it's you. Girls will sometimes use excuses like, "She's had too much to drink," or, "She's not feeling that great tonight," to get you to agree to a cockblock that's only happened because you came off wrong or missed an escalation window.

Sometimes you'll see these girls who've "had too much to drink" or "aren't feeling that great" partying up on the dance floor an hour later... long past when you would've thought they'd have headed home to go "feel better."

You need to read the signs on these to know what you need to target. And the signs when it's happening later generally are that somewhere along the line, you're missing windows or otherwise causing the cockblock yourself.


How to Stop a Cockblock

There you are, talking to some cute girl, and up out of nowhere emerges her friend, grabbing her hand to drag her off into the mists of time and distance, never for you to see her again.

No fun. What do you do when this happens to you?

Here, I've listed three (3) different strategies for dealing with cockblocks. Each of these was specifically developed with the Law of Least Effort / sprezzatura in mind, and built around not directly engaging with the friend, which in my experience usually never works and often forces your girl to rush to her friend's defense, thus driving them closer and you farther apart.

All three of these are tried, tested, and found generally effective in the field - provided your girl likes and enjoys talking to you and wants to continue doing so, of course.

Here they are.

  1. Helpfully point out the awkward friend. This one's my preferred mode of dealing with this. You never want to break circle if you can avoid it, and it always works out better when your girl is handling the cockblock instead of you (i.e., she communicates to her friend that yes, she DOES want to talk to you, and the friend is out of line). This works best if you paint the friend as the awkward one, and if you then act cooler and offer to leave if that's what your girl wants (thus creating a little scarcity - instead of her being the one who's leaving, you're going to leave her; this also shows social awareness and communicates you aren't a social burden). That looks like this:

    You: And what about you, how long have you-

    Friend: [interrupting] Come on Sheila, let's go to the bathroom.

    You: [to your girl] Uh, I think your friend's trying to yank you away? Should I say "goodbye" to you now or something?

    Girl: No, sorry, she's just a little protective sometimes. [to friend] Connie, it's okay.

    Friend: You're sure you're all right?

    Girl: Yes, I'm fine, we're just having a conversation.

    Friend: Okay. I'll leave you two alone then.

    If she legitimately isn't all that into you, your girl will just say, "Sorry, I really do have to go." At which point, you can follow the instructions in "Don't Let Her Go" and tell her to stay for a few more minutes - or, you can see if you can get a phone number from her to meet up with her later. However, assuming your girl likes you and has something of a mind of her own (i.e., she doesn't let her friends tell her what to do any more than she chooses to), this usually plays out with her telling you not to go and her friend to cool it.

    Due to the reversal of having her chase after you in a situation where most men would chase after her, this one's my favorite, hands down, and my de facto approach to defusing a cockblock.

  2. Tell her to tell her friend to relax. This is similar to the previous technique, with one subtle difference - instead of offering to leave and creating scarcity to inspire her to step up to the plate and save the interaction herself (which gets more investment out of her, and gets her chasing you, but is somewhat riskier), you instead tell her what to do. Like so:

    You: And what about you, how long have you-

    Friend: [interrupting] Come on Sheila, let's go to the bathroom.

    You: [to your girl] Uh, I think your friend's trying to yank you away - can you tell her to hold on for a few more minutes because we're talking.

    Girl: Yeah, sure. [to friend] Connie, it's okay.

    Friend: You're sure you're all right?

    Girl: Yes, I'm fine, we're just having a conversation.

    Friend: Okay. I'll leave you two alone then.

    Provided you use the appropriate tone of voice when commanding her here, and she isn't completely horrified about the prospect of continuing to talk with you, she'll usually go to bat for you and fend the cockblock off.
  3. Make a counteroffer. This one's for when you're feeling a bit feistier, and want to challenge the friend's authority over your girl directly. It's a bit more of a gamble, but if it works it can very quickly escalate things along, and is just a step away from you inviting her home (and her quite possibly saying "yes"). This one goes this way:

    You: And what about you, how long have you-

    Friend: [interrupting] Come on Sheila, let's go to the bathroom.

    You:[to your girl] Actually, I was about to propose we go get drinks. What do you say - bathroom, or drinks?

    Girl: Drinks sound good. [to friend] Connie, I'm going to get drinks with him.

    Friend: Are you sure?

    Girl: Yes, we'll be right over there.

    Friend: Okay. I'll see you later then.

    Important note: don't propose something like "Go with her, or go with me?" or "Drinks with her, or drinks with me?" because instead of choosing between activities she's now mentally choosing between people, and no matter how much she likes you (well, maybe if she likes you a LOT) she's not going to pick some man she just met over her friend. Leave the pronouns out and just ask her to choose between activities, and she's much more likely to choose going with you.

Bet you didn't realize it was so easy to deal with cockblocking much of the time, did you?

Of course, these three approaches all assume a situation where the cockblocker walks up and verbally tries to get her friend to leave. What about when the friend comes up and physically yanks her away?

There's something else you can do here, but you've got to do it just right:

  1. Reach out and take your girl's other hand as slowly and smoothly as you can without letting her slip completely away. You'll still have to be reasonably quick, but don't dart for her and seem jumpy

  2. Gently but firmly grasp her hand and tug her back to you as romantically as possible - even up against you if you can, she lets you, and she seems to like this / want this

  3. Say to her, "Your friend is pulling you away! Do you want that?"

  4. She'll either say, "I have to go," if she wants to go (and doesn't want to stay with you), at which point you can tell her to stay for a few more minutes and let her go if she won't, or she'll say, "No, I don't!"

  5. If she says she doesn't want to go: next tell her, "Tell her you're staying then!"

  6. If she tries this and says her friend won't is insisting she come: say to her, "Tell her you've met the man of your dreams and you cannot leave or you'll regret it for the rest of your life! And that he's promised to buy you a drink!" She'll laugh, realize she enjoys being with you, and will then tell her friend to lay off (the drink comment is to allow the friend to justify it in her head - even if she doesn't think you're good for her friend, she may still say, "Oh - well, if he's going to buy her a drink, I might as well let her stay long enough to enjoy her free drink" - this must be coupled with the "man of her dreams" comment though so your girl understands it's supposed to be funny, and it doesn't feel like you're chasing her)

In this way, you can sometimes (20% of the time, maybe?) keep a girl whose friend is in the process of physically pulling her away.

If you successfully get her back after a pull-away attempt like this, start escalating things fast and get her out of there soon. She's going to be very attracted to you after this little maneuver, and the friend(s) will be wary of challenging you and her again for a while - but if you stick around too long and it starts looking like an escalation window got missed, the friends will intervene again - and they won't accept "no" a second time.


Cockblock Wrap Up

In today's article, we learned that the four (4) most common causes of cockblocking are:

  1. Jealousy
  2. The friend not liking you
  3. The friend thinking your girl is incapacitated / not of sound mind
  4. You missing an escalation window and your girl feeling awkward

We learned that cockblocking is a behavior dependent on a certain set of beliefs:

  1. That the friend will be grateful for the intervention, or at least won't mind
  2. That the friend will not protest or try to stop the intervention
  3. That you will accept the intervention, and will not protest
  4. That the cockblocker is more socially adroit than you are and can kill your interaction more easily than you can deflect her attempts to do so

... and that you can prevent most cockblocks by:

  1. Getting your fundamentals down tight
  2. Being lower energy
  3. Getting locked in as quickly as possible
  4. Not being overly sexual or physical
  5. Not talking sexy in earshot of the friends
  6. Being cool, polite, and social with her friends, but not too involved

With enough preventative measures in place, you can even start getting the opposite of cockblocking, where the friends start trying to help you get together with your girl.

We saw that if you're running into cockblock situations regularly, it's best to stop and attempt to gauge what it is that's leading to all the cockblocking you're seeing (i.e., are you rubbing friends the wrong way? Are you missing escalation windows with women who like you and making them feel awkward?), and that when you do run into cockblocks, you can combat them by:

  1. Helpfully pointing out the awkward friend,
  2. Telling a girl to tell her friend to relax, or
  3. Making a counteroffer

... and that even if her friend is trying to yank her away, you can gently and seductively yank her right back, and ask her if being towed away is what she really wants - and if not, you can tell her to tell her friend she's staying.

One final note to pound home before I let you go on this one: when you've successfully thwarted a cockblock by getting your girl to pick you and/or go to bat for you, you now have a wide open window to escalate more rapidly.

She's committed to being with you about as firmly as she can. She's told her friend(s) off, and chosen you instead. She's just told you she really, really likes you.

And it's now your turn to step up to the plate and make her feel good and make her confident that she made the right choice in choosing you. Move fast, follow your process, and get her out of there as soon as you reasonably can - and give her the amazing adventure you promised you could give her with all that dashing bravado you showed her, in overcoming a situation that leaves most men standing around mouths agape, scratching their heads wondering what just happened and what they could possibly have done about it.

Because there is you - cockblock killer and destiny alterer. And there's little more fun than that.

Always,
Chase Amante

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Comments

Zac's picture

Part of a false


I always thought in a negative tone when it comes to cockblocking. Actually a part of me seeing cockblockers are some bitterness from some friends who have been affected by the girls who do it to them, and they are genuine people, (who don't date a lot of girls but this happens), and a certain experience in a social circle setting, It's stupid stuff really.

Guess sometimes today's experience trigger old memories, even the ugly ones happening to oneself. Can't block it though, ( need to understand why it cause that feeling)

I see increase in success with cockblocking when my fundamentals are tight. Yeap you are spot on. :) Be passive, don't be too overbearing, or try to win the group. Missed an escalation window! Yes! So impt

High energy, I have to tell you Chase. I dance in a club with friends and had a few girls have their guards up when i walk around them. Guess High energy doesn't really work so well, does it?

You're removing a huge brick of negativity from my life here. :)

Zac

Zac's picture

Add: TED TALKS


Chase,

Have you consider doing TED talks, or do you want to change the world, or at least the dating world with your knowledge if the opportunity presents itself some time in the future?

Zac

Nick's picture

That would be awesome; Chase


That would be awesome; Chase you totally should. I view you as a visionary and you deserve recognition in the mainstream world even if some would get offended that some of your stuff is not politically correct; it is the truth and it helps men who take the time to study and do it and women all over are happy.
Then your teachings and influence will start a movement that will kill off all that politically correct mumbo jumbo and that " Just be yourself bullcrap" and kill off the procrastination that plagues most of our countries natives and women everywhere will rejoice that you taught men to be men.
Though, I have a feeling that you might be one of those guys that start something big and it gains little recognition then you die and someone who studied your stuff carries on your teachings and gains momentum and boom lives off the bounties of your hard work. Sorry, I have seen it so many times in history class, though their are some that gain the respect and recognition they deserve so do not lose hope.
Of course, all of that only matters if you want those types of things though.

Nick

Chase Amante's picture

TED Talks and Changing the World

Author

Hey fellas,

Zac, yeah, I enjoy TED Talks; never really thought of doing one myself. To be honest, I’ve been too busy trying to keep business afloat and get it to the point where I can really build the kind of team up here that can help take it to the next level and keep it going if I get sick or too burnt out or get my fingers broken in Krav Maga class and can’t type for a while. I think we’re close to that, so maybe I can get enough of a breather soon to start thinking about press and things along those lines. I could use a little more public speaking practice before embarking on something like that though; I'm a little rusty.

I do have some ways I’d like to potentially try and effect some real change in the world; I don’t know how much of an impact I’m having or will have via Girls Chase in that regard, but I tend to view this as good training for what is to come next. Anyway, it’d be a bit hubristic of me to start listing ways I’d want to change the world, since they’re primarily in things I haven’t started doing yet and it's all pie in the sky until you actually do it.

Nick, no need to apologize – my favorite author is the horror writer H.P. Lovecraft, who died broke and unknown, and was nearly forgotten altogether. The only reason he ended up becoming known enough to the point that he influenced every major modern horror fiction writer (Stephen King, Anne Rice, John Carpenter, Guillermo Del Toro… many more) was because August Derleth start republishing his work after he'd died.

Anyway, I don’t know that I’m doing anything all that profound here; I suppose the theories on effort and the nuances of conversation are rather new, but it’s all stuff people who are naturally socially gifted have been doing all along! All you could really say that I’ve done is break it down and explain it.

At some point once I’ve brought some more writers on here and I’m able to get a little breathing room, I’ll probably crank out a few books on some of this stuff – a relationships book, a book on conversation, and one on effort and investment and social interaction, most likely. Then do a revised version of HTMGC. And then maybe, in a few years, once all that's said, it starts being time for the next adventure, or maybe I find I can still contribute some more.

At some point though, you say all you’re going to say and it’s time to change fields. Even Einstein and Newton reached points where all they were doing in physics were repeating themselves – you’re most productive in your first 10 to 15 years in a field, when you’re still fresh and don’t know what your limits are. After that you tend to get too used to thinking a certain way and seeing some walls as being unbreakable… and then it’s time to retire or change fields to something where you can be fresh and enthusiastic and filled with possibility once again (e.g., Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Edison, perpetual field/focus changers, and men who stayed pretty damn productive throughout their entire lives; Steve Jobs and Elon Musk might be more recent examples).

Chase

Knight's picture

Low energy


When talking to a woman what should my face be like? Does this change if I'm talking to a man or woman that I'm not interested in but have interests with being an ally? I've read your previous articles and enjoyed them - namely how to be a warm person.

I've been asking myself this question before coming to the comments though. So far I imagine for a woman that I have sexual interests in I should stay low energy, yet have a a small Daniel Craig-esque left hand side smile going on. When she says something I want to reward or genuinely agree with I should do the slow sexy smile.

Any thoughts on this and whether this changes with friends and males?
For men obviously I would obviously tone it down.

Knight

Chase Amante's picture

Facial Expressions

Author

Knight-

Sounds like you've got it down for women.

For men, yes, usually you'll want to drop this; it ends up feeling awkward to the other man when you're looking at him that way (it feels sexual). Use it if you want to mess with your friends' heads, but don't be surprised if men start touching you in places men don't usually touch or offering to buy you drinks! A more neutral / manly face is better for other men.

Chase

Nish's picture

Friends With Benefits


Hi Chase,

Awesome stuff. It used to happen to me, but now as i am getting more experienced this is happening very less. Still happen though. As i am applying more social skills, and as i am learning the behavior of people there is one thing that hit me so hard that i almost feel so hateful. I had one night stand with a Gorgeous Latino. In the morning, when we just finished breakfast and i was about to leave for my home, she suddenly said " I am glad, i spend last night with you, if i had listened to my girl friends i would have missed this amazing thing with you" I asked her "What your Girl Friends told you?" She told me that most of her Girl Friends including Latins, Europeans and some American don't like the brown skin guys (I am Mix. Half Turkish, Half Indian), and they just ignore them, because they think only white people are good". This thing hit me too hard. Why it is like this? Why still there is this Racist Mentality among the White Girls? As i am in China now, and i remember one of your article regarding Foreign Girls. In that you talked about how foreign girl in any other foreign country feel so good when some guy from other foreign country approach them. But here it is not the same. Can you give me some tips on how to change this mentality of white girls.

lucifer7's picture

What you're saying about a


What you're saying about a whole bunch of people ("white/latins/europeans/americans) is a little bit too generic and simply not true about those groups as a whole.

There are obviously someone who are indeed a bit racist and/or might not like your features (which is different than being racist in the latter case), but changing that is like... Asking how to change the world, you know that... ? :)

Chase Amante's picture

White Skin and Brown Skin

Author

Nish-

Sounds like you're an interesting mix - I'd imagine you probably have a pretty exotic look. Usually that's a good thing!

Like Lucifer noted, only some light-skinned women have this mentality. Others find dark-skinned men alluring and attractive. Still others have dark-skinned fetishes and will ONLY date dark-skinned men.

You can pretty reliably tie it to conservativeness... the more conservative a girl is, the more she tries to stick with what she knows and reduce risk-taking as much as possible. The less conservative, the more open to new experiences, the unfamiliar, and risk. Generally, the less conservative a girl is, the easier it becomes to get her to cross racial lines. The more conservative, the more difficult it becomes.

For changing that mentality - the best tip is turn yourself into the most attractive man possible. Get charm, edge, and conversational abilities all down; get a compelling sexual vibe. Get a sexy hairstyle, facial hair style, fashion, and a good body. Get great posture and a great walk and great facial expressions and slow, powerful movement speed.

The more attractive you are and the stronger an impression you make, the less women are paying attention to your skin tone and the more they're paying attention to the fact that you bowl them over with sexiness. The tighter your fundamentals are, the more race takes a back seat.

Chase

anonk's picture

freelancing


Hi chase.Is it possible for me to learn freelancing in three months?I want to learn the skill before I go to college but I don't know where to start or how to do it.I am passionte about soccer if that's any help thanks :-)

Chase Amante's picture

Re: freelancing

Author

Anonk-

Sure. You need a base level in some skill to get you started - writing ability, programming, web design, etc. I'd do a Google search for guides on freelancing out there - how to win more bids, build a great profile, etc. Then head to somewhere like oDesk or Guru and build a profile and start taking some tests and looking for work. My friends who've made good money doing it recommend you start out underbidding to win work and get some ratings, make sure you do a great job, and then start bidding higher as you get more positive feedback and more experience and your profile begins to look more trustworthy.

If you really plow the time into learning it and doing it in the 3 months before college, I'd imagine you'll probably be in a good place once college starts and will probably have a solid profile that enables you to get work and extra income when you'd like it (assuming you already have some marketable skills; if not yet, then it'll be a work in progress, but 3 months will still help a lot toward getting you there or close to there).

Chase

Funman's picture

3 questions


Hey Chase,
You are an absolutely a master of game.

1) If you are talking to a girl and she is telling you some story and then her friend arrived and is standing right next to the 2 of you (she’s not pulling her away),
Directly look at her friend and say with a smile “Hello, are you her friend of Katie? My name is Funman”, and then tell the girl “I think your friend wants to say something to us”, (saying this calmly and politely)

Your thoughts ?

2) What is your opinion on giving a statement of intent a) before you have kissed a girl b) after kissing her?

3) In response to one of my questions in your blog. You responded and I placed the quote here.

“Chase frames - yes, sexy but unmoved, like Bond. You don't want to seem to be growing obviously aroused / excited, or else it's too much (and looks too reactive). You instead want the appearance of a man who is himself sexual, and who's simply projecting his emotions onto her and causing her to feel the same (which, actually, is what you're doing).”

Now in the article written by Ricardus on The Legend of California Pimp part 2. If you could read the first point about the “Blame Frame” etc

A quote from that article by Ricardus is here

“He does that by saying things like "look what you're doing to me", with a voice tone like he’s incredibly turned on, or "you are making me a little nervous", "I can't handle this, go easy with me".
Isn’t this contradictory to your statement above?

Funman

Chase Amante's picture

Stating Interest / Verbal Buy-In

Author

Funman-

See the article on breaking circle about what to do when people are hovering nearby you and someone you're talking with.

Statements of intent - these seem work better when the girl views you as equal or lower social status to herself, and when she's undecided about whether she wants anything with you and is inclined to push back. When she views you as unquestionably higher status and she's fantasizing about you and comfortable with it, it's best not to say anything and instead just do.

Same deal with projecting - when you're telling her, "God, look at what you're DOING to me! This is all your fault!" that works best when she's on the fence about you and viewing you as equivalent or lower status.

My theory on why it seems to work this way is that stating things verbally produces more buy-in, which is good with women who are less certain about you. However, with women who are already bought-in, it just seems odd and incongruent if you continue seeking buy-in. So, pace her reality based on where she's at - on the fence, get verbal buy-in first; ready to go, skip the buy-in and get down to business.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Maintaining interest


Hey Chase, I already have a few girls in my sexual orbit (thanks to the site)

But I'm interested to know the most efficient way to keep interest among all of them

And I say efficient because I don't have time to focus on all of them all the time. So juggling them is getting difficult and some advice would be greatly appreciated

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Maintaining interest

Author

Anon-

If you're electing not to sleep with a girl, you'll tend to see attraction expire if too much time passes.

However, you CAN slow or pause this process by removing yourself and any reminders of her from your life. e.g., the high school daters who never sleep together then go off to different colleges and different lives, only to discover each other again after each divorces in his/her 50s or 60s and they get back together again and it's all fresh and new and amazing.

Attraction expires as she becomes more comfortable being around you and interacting with you in a non-sexual way. So, easiest way to maintain interest over a long period of time is this: drop off her radar, and don't pop back up again until you're ready to make some magic happen.

Chase

Nick's picture

Hey Chase, Awesome article


Hey Chase,
Awesome article that brought a realization to the sudden change of girls friends and how they act toward me when I started changing my fundamentals several months ago. :)
Anyway my question is not related to girlschase specifically. I remember you saying how you were able to ace tests in college without spending to many enduring bloodshot eye nights.
What was your process for studying that made your little time spent doing it efficient?

Nick

Chase Amante's picture

Study Habits

Author

Nick-

Glad to hear it hit home!

In college, the first thing I'd do is figure out where most of a professor's test questions were coming from. I noticed that the majority of professors pull most or all of their questions from either the textbook or from what they teach in class (e.g., one professor's tests will have absolutely nothing to do with anything she teaches, and everything to do with the book, while another professor's tests she'll have answered every single future test question already in class).

If the professor tested from the book, I'd skip going to class and just read the book.

If the professor tested from class, I'd skip reading the book and just take good notes and re-read those before a test.

When I'd occasionally end up in a class with a teacher who tested from a combination of what he taught in class AND what was covered in the book, I'd drop that class (or late drop it) if I could; it wasn't worth the work to me to have to attend the class AND read the book when I could find a different course to meet the same requirement that was more efficient.

I made taking good notes and participating in class a priority (most teachers test from their notes, and don't test anything from the book they did not cover in class). Participating forces your mind to be more actively involved, the lessons learned stick better in your mind, and less studying outside the classroom is required. Good note taking (e.g., I'd have very clearly marked headers and subheaders and whatnot) was important for me too because, while it didn't matter while making the notes, it made re-reading them later IMMENSELY easier and more efficient. You also think about the notes you're making more at the time you make them when you're trying to organize them well, and that makes it easier to recall them while reviewing later, greatly speeding up the studying process.

Basically, I front-loaded as much of my learning and have it happen in the classroom by being as engaged as I could with participation and note-taking, so I'd have as little studying or work later as possible (I'd also try to do homework during class as soon as it was assigned in any free moments; if I could finish the day's homework before class was even over, I considered that a victory - more free time later). I learned to keep one eye open, so to speak, even while falling asleep in class, so I'd kind of hear a question, wake up, answer it, take a note, then fall asleep... then wake up, jot some more notes, answer another question. I had several teachers comment frustration that the guy who kept falling asleep seemed to know more than anyone else in class (they wanted the other students to participate more).

My philosophy was always, if I'm going to have to sit here for an hour anyway, I might as well cram as much of my learning in as possible while there and give myself the freedom to do whatever I want with the rest of my time.

Chase

Ishan Kingpin's picture

How to be witty


Chase,
Can you write an article describing how to be witty please??

I think its a powerful social skill but Humor never comes naturally to me.so always what I do is forcing myself to make a banter or witty comment but hardly that comes as funny or clever.most of the time I see my asshole comments bores my friends or they makes fun of it.I have many friends but they never like being around a piece of shit like me.I feel like I'm just a value less social burden who always gets the dirty look from people (especially girls.).But I really want to change,I want to be flirty,fun but dont know from where I can bring the humor in me.

I am not good at English,so please ignore my writing mistakes.
I enjoy reading your articles,thanks for being there,where nobody else were around.

Chase Amante's picture

Wit

Author

Ishan-

I certainly can - it's on the article queue!

Chase

Scofield's picture

Great article, but I feel


Great article, but I feel like you might have missed out on addressing cockblocks from guys as opposed to girls. How do I deal with the friendzoned guy or the guy who brought her there on a "date" or hangout?

Chase Amante's picture

Male Cockblocks

Author

Scofield-

Actually, all these will tend to work just as well with male cockblocks as with female ones. However, if you want a little advice more specific to men stepping in, check this article out: Dealing with Disruptive Men.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Third Wheel


Hey Chase,
Love the articles man, they've really helped improve my game.. You discussed how to stop a cock block by her friends, but what do you do if one of your friends is hanging around as a third wheel? A scenario where your friend's presence is preventing you from escalating or is making things awkward. How can I get him to go without being an ass and move forward with the girl?

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