How to Spot a Girl Looking for Men
Imagine yourself walking down a crowded street, teeming with people about you on every side. Or, making your way through a jam-packed bar, or a subway station crammed with people.
Somewhere in that street, bar, or station there is a girl who would love nothing more than to meet you... you, or some other attractive, savvy man who isn't going to hem and haw, but who, rather, is going to take her by the hand and lead her gallantly off on an electric, romantic, and titillating adventure.
How do you spot a girl looking for men like this?
As you're doubtless conscious of, women give off a number subtle signals that they are receptive to meeting new men - and sometimes to your advances in particular.
However, most men are terrible at reading these signals... and most women go home frustrated, empty-handed, and bothered about life's unreliability in providing men who can recognize what they want and give it to them.
But if you knew how to read these signs... if you could pick a woman out of a crowd, point to her, and easily say to yourself, "That girl wants to meet a man right now," you would have a super power few men possess, and one that many women wished men possessed.
That super power, as it were, is within your reach.
I had a business lunch several weeks ago in which we sat down and talked about our respective projects. One of the individuals I was eating and talking with asked about the coaching we offer at Girls Chase; I talked a little about the in-field coaching I used to do before retiring from it, and the phone coaching and email coaching we offer through our coaches who handle that side of the business.
He asked me a bit more about the in-field coaching; how well does that actually work?
That depends a great deal on how much students continue to go out and meet women following the workshop, I replied; it's always exciting and energizing during the actual training session, but there's a post-session slump every guy goes through where he goes out on his own and finds it's a lot harder than it was during the workshop.
And the reason why this is is because when you take a guy out, and you've been meeting women in all kinds of environments for a very long time, it's very easy for you to see which women are open to being approached by a man, and which ones are not.
Therefore, you take a student out, point at a girl, and say, "There! That girl! She REALLY wants to meet someone right now... go make her day!" and send him off to approach.
Then, a little while later, he comes back with a big smile on his face, tells you how well it went, that he has a phone number now and a date planned for next week, and asks you how you knew it would work, because it never goes that well when he approaches women on his own.
But then, once you're not with him again, he hits that slump, because he isn't able to tell which girl is a girl looking for men from all the other girls who aren't.
So, he spins his wheels doing lots of approaches, stacks up loads of rejections, burns himself out, and goes home tired and frustrated... just like those women whose signals he missed.
How Much Can You Learn Consciously?
I think it's quite a lot, honestly.
If you haven't read them already, I suggest going through the following four articles, as they cover some of the things we'll discuss in this one, and a number of other things we won't:
- How Girls Show Interest
- Which Women Want
Sex? Here's How to Tell
- What's the Best Way to Pick Up Girls? Get the Ones Looking for You
to Tell if a Girl is Horny Without Her Having to Tell You
In the first article, we talk quite extensively about signs a woman will give you that she's interested; in the second and third, we talk about recognizing when women are ovulating and are more interested in - and aggressive about - sex than usual.
The fourth article is about recognizing some of the other signals women put out when they're sexually aroused, so that you can tell if a woman you're speaking with is turned on... or not.
What this article is focused on is recognizing even from a distance which women are most likely to be receptive to your advances.
That is to say, which of them want to meet someone right now.
There are specific signals you learn to look for as you become increasingly well-versed in meeting new women. To a certain degree, this is unconscious; when I see a girl, I don't think to myself, "Ooh! Open body language and obvious scanning behavior. Clearly she wants to meet someone."
Instead, I just think, "That girl's wide open. Go meet her NOW before someone else notices and moves in on her or she gets frustrated or self-conscious and closes off!"
But once you're aware of what to look for consciously, you're able to begin keeping an eye out for it, and training your subconscious to eventually allow your conscious mind to offload looking for these signals to the subconscious and automate your signal hunting.
The Goal is Automated Awareness
When you learn martial arts, one of the primary goals is to drill yourself well enough that your response to an attacker is automatic; you don't have to stand there and think about how to respond when a fist is flying at your face or a kick is hurtling toward your ribcage - instead, you just react.
And that's a good thing, because if you don't instinctively respond the proper way when a blow is headed to your head, you're going to get your clock cleaned.
Similar to martial arts, when you're out meeting women the goal is to get your awareness of women's receptiveness automated so that you don't have to think about it.
You want to be spending as few mental resources as possible on the assessing of opportunities, so that you can devote as much of your energies as possible to pursuing and seizing those opportunities.
Of course, as with martial arts, the only way to do this is via drills and experience... you've got to actually be on the lookout for a girl looking for men and be getting enough experience approaching girls you think are on the prowl to learn when you're gauging accurately and when you're off base.
That mixture of prediction and verification is how you refine your reads and move them increasingly over into automated, instinctive awareness, instead of the much slower, more inefficient conscious cognizance.
The other benefit of making this process subconscious is that your peripheral vision comes into play in a bigger way, scanning for signs of receptive women in places your conscious mind isn't even paying attention to. That's when you turn to the side - without even knowing why - and immediately find yourself staring at a beautiful woman you know is going to be open to meeting you. Again though, you don't get this going on until you've spent enough time consciously focused on figuring out which women are interested, and approaching enough women to learn whether your guess was right or wrong, and refine your assessments to an increasingly higher level of accuracy.
There are a number of different signs a woman is receptive to meeting someone new; many of these I've only gradually become of over the years, after looking back at women I'd approached who were quite warm and asking myself, "How'd I know that girl was open to meeting me?"
When a girl is looking for men, she'll display a lot of similar behaviors to what I suggested you employ in the "Get Approached by Women" article if you want women approaching you. If you haven't read that one yet, it's probably worth reading to understand this from both angles - that way you're not just analyzing women's behavior, but imagining (or doing) these yourself to attract female attention.
The first of these signals we'll cover here are those that fall under the umbrella of "conscious advertisement."
This is women who are sending out signals for men to approach them, and know they're sending out signals for men to approach them.
Sexually experienced women tend to use these more; they're consciously "working it" to get men's attention (or a particular man's attention, if they've already spotted him - or you - and are now trying to prompt an approach). You'll see these more the older a woman is, and less the younger she is, although when you do see them with younger women, they're a lot clumsier and more obvious than older women's decidedly more practiced, subtle signs.
Here are the big ones:
She's slowly but dramatically glancing around every so often. You've probably seen this before; this is the girl who looks bored and distracted, casting her head about as she sits or stands somewhere, obviously wishing she was somewhere else or talking to someone else. This is a "look at me; I need someone to step in and engage me" signal; and a differentiator between smoother, more experienced women and clumsier, less experienced women is that the more experienced women will glance up toward the roof or sky, above the heads of other people there, while less experienced women will turn their heads and stare at people (often comes across as very direct...your instinct on seeing this may be to think, "Wow, she's really forward!" and that's why women tone this down as they get better - to be less obvious and more mysterious).
She's using playful, attention-grabbing movements by herself. That is to say, she's not doing this so much in conversation with anyone else, but she's instead distracted from / not involved in whatever conversation the group of people she's around is having, or she's alone somewhere (by a clothing rack in a store; at a table in a bar). This is attention-grabbing "look at me" behavior, and women are very aware of it; it makes them stand out, and helps you notice them. Examples of these:
- Drumming her fingers
- Moving / dancing emphatically
- Swinging or bobbing her head around playfully
- Twirling a pen / napkin / cup / other object with her hand
She's making eye contact, smiling, and looking away. Random accidental eye contact while glancing around is one thing; eye contact that's held, followed up with a slow smile, and then broken by her glancing off to the side is something else... it's about as clear a, "Come talk to me," signal as you're going to get.
She's in a conspicuously open position. This is something like sitting on a barstool facing away from the bar and out into the open crowd, or sitting on a bench or a wall by the beach in a high-traffic area by herself and gazing out at the people walking by. Women who do not want to be approached get quickly away from hyper-conspicuous open positions because they both look obvious and attract a lot of stares and men coming up to say "hi"; conversely, women who want this will position themselves there exactly.
Her mouth is open (while
she isn't talking to anyone else). I don't know why this
is, but open mouths are sexually suggestive, and women who want to be
approached will sometimes leave their mouths open. It's the non-cliché
version of slowly licking your lips (which you will very occasionally
see women do, but often only in funny or highly sexualized scenarios).
She's giving out approach invitations. Obviously, right? If she's giving out approach invitations, she's looking for men.
You can often feeling fairly confident of a warm reception on approaching women giving one or more of these signals - they know they're advertising, and if you're behaving even halfway confident, they know you know they're advertising, and aside from some playful flirting they're not really going to be playing too many games.
Occasionally, women will use these to generate attention, and then shut down hard the men who approach them off of it. These are usually younger, "hot" women dressed to the nines who have just started learning how to use advertisements like these, and are drunk off the power of being able to make men approach at will, then reject those men. This is pretty rare though.
There are also the women who are hoping to attract certain men or a certain man, and you aren't the target - so they'll be cold to you to on your approach so you don't stick around long, and so that, hopefully, the men they want to approach them do approach them.
If your fundamentals are handled though, and you are an overall attractive man, you're usually going to get at least a somewhat warm reception on confidently approaching a woman who's consciously signaling she's looking to meet someone.
Unconscious advertisement is the kind of advertisement that a girl looking for men employs when she's less experienced with attracting, wooing, and seducing men. This is the girl who's still unsure and self-conscious, so she doesn't employ any of the conscious techniques mentioned above, out of fear of being "noticed" fishing for suitors.
Instead, she has unconscious tells of her interest that you can learn to pick up on.
More experienced women generally eliminate these tells, to better control when they attract approaches from men and when they don't, or sometimes use them consciously to have men approach them.
Here's what they look like:
She's scanning the room periodically. Women who are hoping to be approached will scan the room for more information: are there any cute guy? Are any of them looking at me? Has the guy in the red shirt noticed me, or is he still talking to that other girl? If you see a girl scanning a lot, good chance she's looking for a friend to arrive... but if she's stealing somewhat furtive glances from time to time, slowly scanning the room, without darting her head about as if wondering where one specific person is, it's generally a sign she's trying to get the lay of the (man) land.
Her body positioning is more open. A woman engrossed in a conversation will have her body positioned fully into the person (or people) she's talking with: head, shoulders, and feet all pointing at her conversation partner(s). But a woman who's less as engrossed - and hoping to meet someone new - will have some of her body turned away from the person or people she's with, and out toward the environment instead. You'll see this everywhere from bars and clubs - where the woman in group who looks like she isn't fully into the group is the one you want to talk to (because she's the one who wants to talk to you) - to coffee shops and bus stations, where women will position themselves either locked into the coffee shop counter or the line for the bus... or somewhat away from these, signaling openness to an approach and a conversation.
She's fixing her appearance frequently. Women who want to meet someone new are far more concerned with their appearances than women who aren't on the lookout: you'll see them adjusting their clothes, tossing their hair, touching their faces, and examining themselves a lot more frequently... because the thing they keep thinking is, "If a cute guy sees me or comes up to me, I want to make sure I look as good as possible."
She makes eye contact, then quickly breaks it. When a girl is looking for men subconsciously, she'll tend to accidentally make eye contact with men she likes the looks of when she's scanning sometimes, then break it fast in an embarrassed gesture, as if saying, "Oh, crap - he saw me." This is quite different from the deliberate "lock eyes and hold, slow smile" that women do when they're consciously advertising, and it's usually best if you give her a minute to recover from feeling embarrassed before you approach in this case.
She seems antsy. While this one isn't always a predictor of a girl on the prowl, it is a reasonably reliable one for inexperienced girls who are either in a hookup-conducive environment they aren't familiar with (a big party, a bar, etc. when they haven't gone to these much before) or if they're really horny. Be careful with antsy girls, though - because they're so worked up, it's easy to tip them over into auto-rejection if you're not minding your words, actions, and escalation windows.
Unlike with conscious advertisement, you normally won't want to open a girl who's unconsciously advertising her interest in meeting someone new with an opener that acts as if she's already opened her first (e.g., a very casual, "So how's your night going?" as if the two of you were already mid-conversation), because she isn't fully aware that she's signaling and it will feel "off" when you do it.
Instead, it's better to treat women like this as pure cold approaches, same as you would if you were approaching them completely at random with no indication beforehand of their openness to meeting someone new - only, you know that you're more likely to get a warm reception.
As always, pre-opening helps here, and can enable you to open with a higher batting rate.
When a Girl is Looking for Men
One note for newer guys: don't say anything dumb to a girl in this position, like this:
- "Hey, I noticed you were looking around..."
- "I saw you scanning the room for someone sexy, and thought I'd..."
- "The guy you've been looking for? Right here!"
Things like this threaten to make a woman lose face and forfeit social status (they paint her as desperate and/or pursuing a stranger she knows little about yet) and force her to throw you under the bus just to save face... even if she might've liked the looks of you originally.
She's signaling to you she's open - not telling you she definitely wants to meet you. So make sure when you approach, it's in a way that is non-threatening to her social status.
That out of the way, being able to spot a girl who's on the prowl is an invaluable skill for upping your hit rate on opening, getting consistently warmer opens, and, of course, building up confidence levels because so many women now receive you so well compared to how they used to when you were a beginner.
But you won't get these by reading this article alone - you've got to go out and look for them, and approach the women who seem to be giving them, and learn for yourself how often these different signals lead to warm receptions for you, and how often they're false alarms.
None is going to be 100% - some women sometimes do some of these by accident, or with no intention of meeting someone new; some of them do them for attention alone; some of them do them, but it wasn't you they were trying to attract with them.
Yet, much of the time, when you see these signs, if you're a bold enough guy to walk up to a girl who's throwing them out there, she's going to be happy to have your approach.
So keep an eye out, and keep your feet moving, and you'll have a lot of fun with these.
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