How to Spot a Girl Looking for Men


girl looking for menImagine yourself walking down a crowded street, teeming with people about you on every side. Or, making your way through a jam-packed bar, or a subway station crammed with people.

Somewhere in that street, bar, or station there is a girl who would love nothing more than to meet you... you, or some other attractive, savvy man who isn't going to hem and haw, but who, rather, is going to take her by the hand and lead her gallantly off on an electric, romantic, and titillating adventure.

How do you spot a girl looking for men like this?

As you're doubtless conscious of, women give off a number subtle signals that they are receptive to meeting new men - and sometimes to your advances in particular.

However, most men are terrible at reading these signals... and most women go home frustrated, empty-handed, and bothered about life's unreliability in providing men who can recognize what they want and give it to them.

But if you knew how to read these signs... if you could pick a woman out of a crowd, point to her, and easily say to yourself, "That girl wants to meet a man right now," you would have a super power few men possess, and one that many women wished men possessed.

That super power, as it were, is within your reach.


girl looking for men

I had a business lunch several weeks ago in which we sat down and talked about our respective projects. One of the individuals I was eating and talking with asked about the coaching we offer at Girls Chase; I talked a little about the in-field coaching I used to do before retiring from it, and the phone coaching and email coaching we offer through our coaches who handle that side of the business.

He asked me a bit more about the in-field coaching; how well does that actually work?

That depends a great deal on how much students continue to go out and meet women following the workshop, I replied; it's always exciting and energizing during the actual training session, but there's a post-session slump every guy goes through where he goes out on his own and finds it's a lot harder than it was during the workshop.

And the reason why this is is because when you take a guy out, and you've been meeting women in all kinds of environments for a very long time, it's very easy for you to see which women are open to being approached by a man, and which ones are not.

Therefore, you take a student out, point at a girl, and say, "There! That girl! She REALLY wants to meet someone right now... go make her day!" and send him off to approach.

Then, a little while later, he comes back with a big smile on his face, tells you how well it went, that he has a phone number now and a date planned for next week, and asks you how you knew it would work, because it never goes that well when he approaches women on his own.

But then, once you're not with him again, he hits that slump, because he isn't able to tell which girl is a girl looking for men from all the other girls who aren't.

So, he spins his wheels doing lots of approaches, stacks up loads of rejections, burns himself out, and goes home tired and frustrated... just like those women whose signals he missed.


How Much Can You Learn Consciously?

I think it's quite a lot, honestly.

If you haven't read them already, I suggest going through the following four articles, as they cover some of the things we'll discuss in this one, and a number of other things we won't:

In the first article, we talk quite extensively about signs a woman will give you that she's interested; in the second and third, we talk about recognizing when women are ovulating and are more interested in - and aggressive about - sex than usual.

The fourth article is about recognizing some of the other signals women put out when they're sexually aroused, so that you can tell if a woman you're speaking with is turned on... or not.

What this article is focused on is recognizing even from a distance which women are most likely to be receptive to your advances.

That is to say, which of them want to meet someone right now.

girl looking for men

There are specific signals you learn to look for as you become increasingly well-versed in meeting new women. To a certain degree, this is unconscious; when I see a girl, I don't think to myself, "Ooh! Open body language and obvious scanning behavior. Clearly she wants to meet someone."

Instead, I just think, "That girl's wide open. Go meet her NOW before someone else notices and moves in on her or she gets frustrated or self-conscious and closes off!"

But once you're aware of what to look for consciously, you're able to begin keeping an eye out for it, and training your subconscious to eventually allow your conscious mind to offload looking for these signals to the subconscious and automate your signal hunting.


The Goal is Automated Awareness

When you learn martial arts, one of the primary goals is to drill yourself well enough that your response to an attacker is automatic; you don't have to stand there and think about how to respond when a fist is flying at your face or a kick is hurtling toward your ribcage - instead, you just react.

And that's a good thing, because if you don't instinctively respond the proper way when a blow is headed to your head, you're going to get your clock cleaned.

Similar to martial arts, when you're out meeting women the goal is to get your awareness of women's receptiveness automated so that you don't have to think about it.

You want to be spending as few mental resources as possible on the assessing of opportunities, so that you can devote as much of your energies as possible to pursuing and seizing those opportunities.

Of course, as with martial arts, the only way to do this is via drills and experience... you've got to actually be on the lookout for a girl looking for men and be getting enough experience approaching girls you think are on the prowl to learn when you're gauging accurately and when you're off base.

That mixture of prediction and verification is how you refine your reads and move them increasingly over into automated, instinctive awareness, instead of the much slower, more inefficient conscious cognizance.

The other benefit of making this process subconscious is that your peripheral vision comes into play in a bigger way, scanning for signs of receptive women in places your conscious mind isn't even paying attention to. That's when you turn to the side - without even knowing why - and immediately find yourself staring at a beautiful woman you know is going to be open to meeting you. Again though, you don't get this going on until you've spent enough time consciously focused on figuring out which women are interested, and approaching enough women to learn whether your guess was right or wrong, and refine your assessments to an increasingly higher level of accuracy.


girl looking for men

There are a number of different signs a woman is receptive to meeting someone new; many of these I've only gradually become of over the years, after looking back at women I'd approached who were quite warm and asking myself, "How'd I know that girl was open to meeting me?"

When a girl is looking for men, she'll display a lot of similar behaviors to what I suggested you employ in the "Get Approached by Women" article if you want women approaching you. If you haven't read that one yet, it's probably worth reading to understand this from both angles - that way you're not just analyzing women's behavior, but imagining (or doing) these yourself to attract female attention.


Conscious Advertisement

The first of these signals we'll cover here are those that fall under the umbrella of "conscious advertisement."

This is women who are sending out signals for men to approach them, and know they're sending out signals for men to approach them.

Sexually experienced women tend to use these more; they're consciously "working it" to get men's attention (or a particular man's attention, if they've already spotted him - or you - and are now trying to prompt an approach). You'll see these more the older a woman is, and less the younger she is, although when you do see them with younger women, they're a lot clumsier and more obvious than older women's decidedly more practiced, subtle signs.

Here are the big ones:

  1. She's slowly but dramatically glancing around every so often. You've probably seen this before; this is the girl who looks bored and distracted, casting her head about as she sits or stands somewhere, obviously wishing she was somewhere else or talking to someone else. This is a "look at me; I need someone to step in and engage me" signal; and a differentiator between smoother, more experienced women and clumsier, less experienced women is that the more experienced women will glance up toward the roof or sky, above the heads of other people there, while less experienced women will turn their heads and stare at people (often comes across as very direct...your instinct on seeing this may be to think, "Wow, she's really forward!" and that's why women tone this down as they get better - to be less obvious and more mysterious).

  2. She's using playful, attention-grabbing movements by herself. That is to say, she's not doing this so much in conversation with anyone else, but she's instead distracted from / not involved in whatever conversation the group of people she's around is having, or she's alone somewhere (by a clothing rack in a store; at a table in a bar). This is attention-grabbing "look at me" behavior, and women are very aware of it; it makes them stand out, and helps you notice them. Examples of these:

    • Drumming her fingers
    • Moving / dancing emphatically
    • Swinging or bobbing her head around playfully
    • Twirling a pen / napkin / cup / other object with her hand
  3. girl looking for menShe's making eye contact, smiling, and looking away. Random accidental eye contact while glancing around is one thing; eye contact that's held, followed up with a slow smile, and then broken by her glancing off to the side is something else... it's about as clear a, "Come talk to me," signal as you're going to get.

  4. She's in a conspicuously open position. This is something like sitting on a barstool facing away from the bar and out into the open crowd, or sitting on a bench or a wall by the beach in a high-traffic area by herself and gazing out at the people walking by. Women who do not want to be approached get quickly away from hyper-conspicuous open positions because they both look obvious and attract a lot of stares and men coming up to say "hi"; conversely, women who want this will position themselves there exactly.

  5. Her mouth is open (while she isn't talking to anyone else). I don't know why this is, but open mouths are sexually suggestive, and women who want to be approached will sometimes leave their mouths open. It's the non-cliché version of slowly licking your lips (which you will very occasionally see women do, but often only in funny or highly sexualized scenarios).

  6. She's giving out approach invitations. Obviously, right? If she's giving out approach invitations, she's looking for men.

You can often feeling fairly confident of a warm reception on approaching women giving one or more of these signals - they know they're advertising, and if you're behaving even halfway confident, they know you know they're advertising, and aside from some playful flirting they're not really going to be playing too many games.

Occasionally, women will use these to generate attention, and then shut down hard the men who approach them off of it. These are usually younger, "hot" women dressed to the nines who have just started learning how to use advertisements like these, and are drunk off the power of being able to make men approach at will, then reject those men. This is pretty rare though.

There are also the women who are hoping to attract certain men or a certain man, and you aren't the target - so they'll be cold to you to on your approach so you don't stick around long, and so that, hopefully, the men they want to approach them do approach them.

If your fundamentals are handled though, and you are an overall attractive man, you're usually going to get at least a somewhat warm reception on confidently approaching a woman who's consciously signaling she's looking to meet someone.


Unconscious Advertisement

Unconscious advertisement is the kind of advertisement that a girl looking for men employs when she's less experienced with attracting, wooing, and seducing men. This is the girl who's still unsure and self-conscious, so she doesn't employ any of the conscious techniques mentioned above, out of fear of being "noticed" fishing for suitors.

Instead, she has unconscious tells of her interest that you can learn to pick up on.

More experienced women generally eliminate these tells, to better control when they attract approaches from men and when they don't, or sometimes use them consciously to have men approach them.

Here's what they look like:

  1. She's scanning the room periodically. Women who are hoping to be approached will scan the room for more information: are there any cute guy? Are any of them looking at me? Has the guy in the red shirt noticed me, or is he still talking to that other girl? If you see a girl scanning a lot, good chance she's looking for a friend to arrive... but if she's stealing somewhat furtive glances from time to time, slowly scanning the room, without darting her head about as if wondering where one specific person is, it's generally a sign she's trying to get the lay of the (man) land.

  2. Her body positioning is more open. A woman engrossed in a conversation will have her body positioned fully into the person (or people) she's talking with: head, shoulders, and feet all pointing at her conversation partner(s). But a woman who's less as engrossed - and hoping to meet someone new - will have some of her body turned away from the person or people she's with, and out toward the environment instead. You'll see this everywhere from bars and clubs - where the woman in group who looks like she isn't fully into the group is the one you want to talk to (because she's the one who wants to talk to you) - to coffee shops and bus stations, where women will position themselves either locked into the coffee shop counter or the line for the bus... or somewhat away from these, signaling openness to an approach and a conversation.

  3. She's fixing her appearance frequently. Women who want to meet someone new are far more concerned with their appearances than women who aren't on the lookout: you'll see them adjusting their clothes, tossing their hair, touching their faces, and examining themselves a lot more frequently... because the thing they keep thinking is, "If a cute guy sees me or comes up to me, I want to make sure I look as good as possible."

  4. She makes eye contact, then quickly breaks it. When a girl is looking for men subconsciously, she'll tend to accidentally make eye contact with men she likes the looks of when she's scanning sometimes, then break it fast in an embarrassed gesture, as if saying, "Oh, crap - he saw me." This is quite different from the deliberate "lock eyes and hold, slow smile" that women do when they're consciously advertising, and it's usually best if you give her a minute to recover from feeling embarrassed before you approach in this case.

  5. She seems antsy. While this one isn't always a predictor of a girl on the prowl, it is a reasonably reliable one for inexperienced girls who are either in a hookup-conducive environment they aren't familiar with (a big party, a bar, etc. when they haven't gone to these much before) or if they're really horny. Be careful with antsy girls, though - because they're so worked up, it's easy to tip them over into auto-rejection if you're not minding your words, actions, and escalation windows.

Unlike with conscious advertisement, you normally won't want to open a girl who's unconsciously advertising her interest in meeting someone new with an opener that acts as if she's already opened her first (e.g., a very casual, "So how's your night going?" as if the two of you were already mid-conversation), because she isn't fully aware that she's signaling and it will feel "off" when you do it.

Instead, it's better to treat women like this as pure cold approaches, same as you would if you were approaching them completely at random with no indication beforehand of their openness to meeting someone new - only, you know that you're more likely to get a warm reception.

As always, pre-opening helps here, and can enable you to open with a higher batting rate.


When a Girl is Looking for Men

One note for newer guys: don't say anything dumb to a girl in this position, like this:

  • "Hey, I noticed you were looking around..."
  • "I saw you scanning the room for someone sexy, and thought I'd..."
  • "The guy you've been looking for? Right here!"

girl looking for menThings like this threaten to make a woman lose face and forfeit social status (they paint her as desperate and/or pursuing a stranger she knows little about yet) and force her to throw you under the bus just to save face... even if she might've liked the looks of you originally.

She's signaling to you she's open - not telling you she definitely wants to meet you. So make sure when you approach, it's in a way that is non-threatening to her social status.

That out of the way, being able to spot a girl who's on the prowl is an invaluable skill for upping your hit rate on opening, getting consistently warmer opens, and, of course, building up confidence levels because so many women now receive you so well compared to how they used to when you were a beginner.

But you won't get these by reading this article alone - you've got to go out and look for them, and approach the women who seem to be giving them, and learn for yourself how often these different signals lead to warm receptions for you, and how often they're false alarms.

None is going to be 100% - some women sometimes do some of these by accident, or with no intention of meeting someone new; some of them do them for attention alone; some of them do them, but it wasn't you they were trying to attract with them.

Yet, much of the time, when you see these signs, if you're a bold enough guy to walk up to a girl who's throwing them out there, she's going to be happy to have your approach.

So keep an eye out, and keep your feet moving, and you'll have a lot of fun with these.

Chase

Related Articles from GirlsChase.com

Comments

Wes's picture

College campus


Wow, this really helped. Just a few days ago a Latina gave me the eyes on the bus so I moved seats and told her I saw her looking at me. Glad to know why THAT went wrong now.
Sometimes I'm not very socially aware, I wish there was a book or something so people could know what you just don't do. I had no idea I was putting pressure on her.
Also, I've been approaching on campus and I'm starting to notice quickly that being direct with "I saw you and thought you were...." isn't working.
Some guys on some forums mentioned that with that you could soon gain the reputation as the "creepy pickup guy" on campus IF your vibe and fundamentals aren't right. Mine defiantly are NOT. Not on campus anyway.
The guys on the forums were saying you gotta approach cool and friendly but with a sexy vibe and open with "hey, hows it going?" and then get into a conversation.
I can see this working but at the same time, I see it as being too friendly. Here on campus everyone is doing that and falling into these same cliche "what's your major?" conversations about school. That's not sexy.
One guy said that if your a beginner, then do daygame outside of school first until your vibe is right, which I agree with, but now that school started, I'll most likely have my whole life devoted to school and find no time to go to the mall or street to daygame.

I know you have a post on getting girls in college classes, which is my best bet. I'm going to re-read it.
But could you make a post on getting college campus girls in between classes and walking the campus?
Most of the time they're busy going to their next class or in a rush or busy studying in libraries/ benches.
I don't see any possibility of escalating with them that same day so it seems the seduction has to be drawn out. (get number, meet on another day, meet outside of school, escalate, sexy time)

Anyways helpful article!
Wes

Chase Amante's picture

Re: College campus

Author

Wes-

Yeah, it's tough when you don't realize some of those more subtle social rules... easy to make some faux pas that blow things up and you don't know why.

"Hey, how's it going?" is definitely friendly... BUT if your fundamentals still need a lot of tightening up, sometimes it's better to go over-friendly for a while just to not scare girls off when you first meet them. Sexy only works when sexy is your vibe; sexy words and deeds sans sexy vibes to back them up come across as unnerving, disturbing, and creepy - her brain says, "Whoa, I'm not thinking of him that way, but HE'S thinking of ME that way - danger! Get away!"

Once you have a sexier, more badass vibe though, you want to drop the friendly stuff, because at that point it's too disarming and kills the (positive) tension those vibes create (instead of the negative, awkward tension a more platonic or needy vibe creates).

On college campuses - I'll add that to the post queue, but it's really no different from normal street game - see Ricardus's posts here: "Using Day Game to Get Girls: 14 Myths Debunked" and "Day Pick Up: Take Girls from Street to Bed in a Snap."

Chase

goliathus18's picture

How do i get the attraction back?


I just made an account here hoping you'll get my msg this time.

I love your page.

I just had a date with this girl i met trough my friends group couple of months ago. we hung out within the group alot were she showed interest alot of times wich i never answered.
Once i started doing she seemed VERY interested.
Long story short we kept on being flirty with eachother and it lead to me asking her out last weekend. It was good. We went back to my place and just chilled and talked (it was obvious she wanted sex) But i was unsure/to pussy at the point to initiate something. And when she was leaving we went for a bye hug and she started making out and we just did that for a bit and i told her to come back inside but she had to go.

I was happy she initiated that. She NEVER texted me or initiated any conversation, always me initiating stuff.

So i asked her to hang out this coming weekend but she was busy with "school work" and she said we'll see. I just replied to that, Of course you can! See you then!
And after that i havent heard from her. But i have plans with out friends group going to her city in the weekend and theres a chance shell probably join, what im thinking here is ill just get her away from our group (they still dont know weve been "dating") and just "manhandle?" her and start kissing her and tell her i sud have done this earlier and we should go to my place later.

This is one of my ideas i have, i feel its risky but i dont wanna start begging her to go on a date with me...

I would love any suggestions you have on this. And I hope my chances with this girl are not entirely gone.

(hope you can bare with my typing errors, English is not my native language)

Chase Amante's picture

Failed Escalations

Author

Goliath-

Maybe 15% of the time you can salvage a situation where you had her at your place, she wanted sex, and you failed to escalate... the other 85% of the time or so, it's done. The 15% where it works are usually the girls who REALLY want you as a boyfriend... which, if this girl is living in another city, is unlikely to be the case. Most likely, the opportunity has come and gone, and the window is closed. See these articles:

You can occasionally turn things around even when she's completely lost interest after a failed escalation if you create enough preselection, however; and if you're out with friends, and you're fairly good with women, you might just be able to do this. See the second option, for failed escalations, in this article:

Chase

goliathus18's picture

Failed Escalations


Thanks alot for your reply. Im gonna go ahead and support you as much as i can cus its genius.

Her city is really close by. Anyway, after my "desperate" attempt to get her to go out with me after the night with failed escalations, she was to "busy" but she was in my town ( i know cos i saw her and she saw me but i just ignored it. Shes a close friend of my brother so its kind of a weird situation.

Im thinking of some sort of text to use as a last thing to try out, or just walk up to her and talk and do the "manhandle" thing you wrote about in an article? Out of ideas.

Thanks in advance man.

Goliathus

Danny's picture

Pickup Girls in Church


Dear Chase,

I am not sure will u read comments from the previous post anymore so I shift it into this blog. I only have one more question, and below were what I had written from the previous comment:

Thank you very much for your response on how to cure depression...thank you very very much! I just have one last question on this article regarding on how to pickup girls in church. Can I use direct openers similar to your article on "pickup girls at grocery store"?

For ex):
You: Use a situational relevant opener or something that is obviously a joke.

Her: Response or laugh

You: I'm joking, I thought you had a great look about you and I wanted to come say hi. I am Danny.

Her: She tells me her name.

You: You are really cute, I think you are the true love that god gave me <-- (Say this with a smirking & flirting expression).

Relax, I want to know more about u first, I am not that shallow. You also need to buy me expensive dinner first, I am not that easy, so stop checking me out. ;)
<--(This is Chase frame)

*And then try to build connections and rapport, just like your articles on "deep dive" and "conversationalist" etc

ALSO, would the priest and other church staffs cock-block?

Thank you Chase !

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Pickup girls in Church

Author

Danny-

Previous reply to you is here:

"Re: Pickup girls in Church"

Chase

cwongucd's picture

Wow....A Revolution in Pickup Community


Hey Chase,

I just bought your ebook and read a couple of your articles. I have to say your website is a huge enlightenment of the pickup community.

I am just wondering besides ebook and these articles, do u have any other products or service that u would recommend to customers?

Thanks!

C. Wong

Chase Amante's picture

Other Programs

Author

Cwon-

Welcome aboard!

Aside from the book, there's Spellbinding, on conversations, and several coaching options available - phone and email coaching are both able to be reserved. Our coach performing these currently is Cody Lyans, one of our staff writers, and a pretty experienced phone trainer.

There's also too the subscription to the site, as well, if you plan on accessing more than 10 articles on GC monthly.

Chase

340Breeze's picture

Questions on the note for newer guys...


Thanks for another great article. I appreciate what you do, it helps people out tremendously.

What I want to touch on here in my comment is about not saying anything "dumb" to a girl like:

"Hey, I noticed you were looking around..."
"I saw you scanning the room for someone sexy, and thought I'd..."
"The guy you've been looking for? Right here!"

I agree that these particular examples are stupid because they come off as you being incredibly cocky... and especially if you're some stranger, I can see women getting turned off by overconfidence. And this is a seduction killer.

But some women who you've known for a little while still need to save face. But why, especially in a one-on-one conversation? I recently lost a girl by stating out right (via chat) that she likes me, but maybe she's a little afraid of what it might mean. The conversation kinda led up to this... I just escalated to it's logical conclusion (with reservations before doing so) then she went postal on me, with vehemence, essentially saying how dare I say she likes me, I must be out of my mind!! I guess I should have just left the fact that she liked me unstated (as I usually do), but I couldn't help it this time, I wanted to try something new...to see what would happen. My social intuition was right. But I still don't understand why this pisses women off. Because the thing is, if the shoe was on the other foot and a woman says to me that I like her, I'd just tease her and ask what's it to her if I do... not respond with vehemence. So I cannot quite comprehend the female thought/emotional process around this one. Why do they feel so insulted (even if they like us) when we suggest (overtly instead of subtly) that they like us????????

And to tie in to the article, why would a woman who is consciously trying to get male attention get mad when a man suggests (even if subtly) to her too soon (before sleeping with her) that he noticed what she's doing?

Is this one of those things that honesty isn't always the best policy and that we should operate with our mouths shut?!! Because if we don't and we draw attention to it then we paint them as whores or we kill all the mystery and intrigue?

Is it best not to even chase frame a woman that we caught checking us out? I've been successful before without chase framing and I usually only chase frame them when they try to get cocky on me first... but it's always good to know how things we do come across to the opposite sex... as they don't calmly tell us why they got upset. Instead they disappear and so it's hard to learn sometimes...

Thanks again.

Cheers,

340Breeze.

Chase Amante's picture

Auto-Rejection, Action Taking, and "You Like Me"

Author

Breeze-

Power dynamics in your relationship with various women affect whether you can tell them that they like you or not.

e.g., if you've just met a woman and the dynamic between the two of you is unclear, you telling her she likes you will shut her down to allow her to save face. Or, if you've known her for a long time, and she's even remotely close to auto-rejection with you (that is, she likes you, but feels like you don't like her back / aren't going to do anything / are ignoring her signals), and you go telling her she likes you, it feels like you're rubbing it in... and it also robs her of her denial - at least before she could say, "Well, he didn't do anything because he doesn't know I like him," but if you DO know it, then she must admit to herself, "He KNOWS I like him... which means if he didn't do anything, then HE doesn't like ME," and she feels strongly rejected / insulted / hurt.

Conversely, if a woman likes you, and your attainability with her is high, and she feels that you are clearly in control of the relationship dynamic and trusts your control because she knows that you are moving it quickly and confidently toward sex (and are not toying with her), she will just smile and blush and flirt when you tell her she likes you if you do.

It's all in whether she feels like you're doing everything you could be to get her in bed with you when you say it... or whether you aren't, and you're having a laugh at her expense and making her look like a fool for being attracted to you when you aren't going to take action.

Chase

Michal's picture

unusual question


Hello, Chase.

This kind of question usually never pops up so I am just gonna ask.
How do I become more like a jerk or an asshole? I am too friendly basically, because parents and such always told me to be kind and polite and nice. Ugh! :-s

I dont want to seem as an ass at the end but... I have been trying to be more playful lately, trying some wit and I experiment with my female friends and they seem to enjoy it OR dont get it. And when I meet new girls I am this little kind person again because I dont want to seem awkward.

So how can I stop being viewed as this "kind and good hearted man" who "has no evil in his soul" as I once heard and have better personality that women respond to as if I was a man. Not friendly boy?

My fundamentals are bad and I am working on it but this is my biggest flaw right now. I am ok to have female friends, but I dont want every girl I meet to feel like I am her long lost friend from childhood.

Any possible advice? I guess move faster and dont miss "the windows"?

Thanks in advance.

Chase Amante's picture

Learning to Be a Jerk

Author

Michal-

This one's definitely not where you want to end up at (see: "Better Than Jerk"), but if you're too far along the "too nice" side of the spectrum, you will usually need to spend a bit of time in the "too much of a jerk" side of things before you're able to bring yourself back to a happy medium, yeah.

The best thing I can suggest to do is start saying "no" to people more, for ridiculous reasons; impose on people, and ask them to do things for you, especially in exchange for them asking for things out of YOU, and make the things you ask for BIGGER than what they're asking for in return; put pressure on people to do what you want; tease people a little too hard, and a little too personally.

Just think: impose, be selfish, be WAY more honest than is necessary, bust people's stones, and generally be a lot less sensitive to other people's feelings.

Usually, if you're used to being super nice, it'll feel like you're being TOO MUCH of an asshole when you start trying, but in fact you still won't be being enough of one. So keep ratcheting it up a bit more and a bit more and a bit more until you're getting enough auto-rejection happening regularly from people because you're way too asshole-ish that you now know where the limits are and you can bring it back in.

Chase

Pablo's picture

New article


Dear Chase,

Thanks for another great article!

I just had another suggestion for an article:
How to be a badboy.
I would just like to know where the limits would usually be when talking to a girl. Sometimes I'm afraid of telling girls about things I do or things I have done because I think they'll never want to talk to me any more (Which I have had a couple times)

Hope to get an reaction soon!

Regards.

Pablo

Chase Amante's picture

Being a Bad Boy

Author

Pablo-

Good suggestion - I'll add it to the post queue!

Meantime, for general "bad boy" guidelines, see my response to Michal above about being a jerk, and think of "bad boy" as "jerk" meets "sexy man."

Chase

PinotNoir's picture

Signals on a date?


Fantastic! I wish that this was the *first* article that I ever read. This should be apart of the Newbie Assignment. You feel less anxiety when you know (or think you know) that a girl is more receptive to being approached. I've only figured out some of this on my own (like if a girl is sitting close to the entrance of a bar with chair facing open).

Not much I can really say on this article, but...

What about dates? Are there any other subconscious/conscious body signals that I should be looking for on dates that are different than the ones listed above?

I've been on a date with a girl that made little conversation, wouldn't look at me in the eyes, and that I then ended up kissing and having a 2nd date.

I've also been on a date with a girl that converses a lot, *appears* to show signs of interests, and then turns me down when I go for the kiss or never calls/texts back.

I'm sure that there's something that I'm missing on these dates.

Thanks,
PN

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Signals on a date?

Author

Pinot-

Yes, that's a good one - how chatty the girl is from the outset is a big one. When a girl is SUPER talkative and friendly at the outset, it usually means that she feels like she's completely in control... which means you can still sometimes end up with her if she's logically decided that sex is something that will happen with you, but otherwise, if she hasn't, you're probably wasting your time. The girls who are a bit more reserved on the date are more concerned about your impression of them - which means they like you a good bit, too.

Others are reactions to touch / proximity - when you tell girls to sit next to you, the chatty/platonic ones go, "Oh! Okay!" and then do, like you're good friends, or they get a little awkward about it, or may even insist on sitting across from you. All these are usually bad signs. What you WANT to see is a girl either behave shyly, or just accept it and comfortably continue with you.

General body language, too - platonic girls bug their eyes out a lot, are very expressive, and talk to you the same as they would one of their girlfriends... all signs they're not feeling especially randy with you. If the date's not going well, a girl's arms will be crossed, her facial expressions will be awkward, her conversation will be half-hearted, and/or her body will be turned somewhat away from you.

On the other hand, if she's very interested, she'll be leaning in, hanging on your every word, and looking like she's in a trance. The more of this you see, in fact, the sooner you should pull.

Chase

V's picture

3 questions


Hi chase, do you think you can tell me when girls definitely don't want you to approach?

And can you give me all the street smart rules and dating rules 101's?

Thank you!!!!

Chase Amante's picture

Signs Not to Approach

Author

V-

The signs a girl definitely does NOT want you to approach are:

  • She rolls her eyes at you

  • She sneers at you (and not in jest)

  • She looks away and grabs a friend right after eye contact with you (women who want you to approach will try to seem open; women who do not will try to appear closed)

  • After eye contact with you, she immediately leaves wherever she just was (rather than waiting for you to approach), and moves somewhere else far away (rather than walking in your direction)

  • Anything else that creates distance with you without throwing you "sexy eyes" as she does so (occasionally, some women will create distance while throwing you "follow me" eyes; most women creating distance are just trying to discouarge an approach, though)

Other indicators your approach will be lower probability:

  • Her body (head, eyes, torso, feet) is completely pointed toward someone she's talking with (she's fully engaged in conversation, and you intruding will be an interruption)

  • She's deep in the middle of a large group (you tearing through the group to get at her will likely be very high social pressure for her, and she's liable to reject you)

  • She's in party mode, and dancing wildly or otherwise behaving crazily, and you are anywhere beneath her in energy levels (if you're even wilder and crazier, you may be able to approach and have it go okay... but only then)

On street smarts and dating rules - I could write you a book on those! Street smarts I could probably write something on, but as far as dating rules - we've got an entire section of the site devoted to that! See here: Dating Rules.

Chase

Peacer's picture

How to deal with this


Hey Chase..!

First of all, I want to tell you, If I found this site lot early, my life could be far more more better than now..
However, I have found it now..

I have few questions. This may be off topic but, Let me tell you.

(1). How to find old blogs in a specific category..?
I mean..I know there is a navigation menu above, but when you dig in to a category, Let's think, I dig in to "Relationship 101" or "Pickup Tech" , then I can only find out some of latest articles of that category there. There are some old articles can be found in "Most Popular" section expect from that I have no idea to find out old articles which are related to that category. Is the only option is searching.. ?and If so, How to do it ? Could you explain please..

(2). This is with reference with your other post of "How to Start a Relationship with a New Girlfriend"..
In there, you have mentioned in the
"#7: Even If She's Perfect... Keep Your Options Open" section
Keep dating and sleeping with other women, Continuing to pick up, etc..

My question is,
When you do that, what if your girlfriend tells you that please don't do it, it hurts me, What do you tell ? What do you do.. ?
Do you stop it doing.. ?

Okay. This is something that I have experienced throughout a long period of time now.. I need a really good advice from you.
When, I am in a relationship with a girlfriend and If I continue to date, talk with other women, my girl friend always ask me,
How do you feel, if I do it you,
How do you feel, if I date and talk with other men around you,
You feel bad.. ah.. You know it hurts, so why do you do it me.. ?

I wonder whether Chase.. you have ever faced a this kind of situation in your life.. ?
May be only me, I guess.. :)
What should I do in this kind of situation.. ?
How should I handle it without hurting her feelings.. ?
Should I stop doing it.. ?

Hope you got me..!
Thank you...!

Chase Amante's picture

Categories, and Exclusivity

Author

Peacer-

On older articles in specific categories, you can use the "Categories" link (it's on the footer at the bottom of the page) and click on the category of your choice to view all articles in that category in reverse chronological order. (worth noting: these categories are not 100% the same as the ones in the navigation bar, and if you go through multiple of these categories you'll see some overlap, as many articles lie in several of these categories - but if you just want to see, say, all the relationship articles, you can find them this way)

On whether to stop seeing other women when a girl you're seeing asks you to stop and be exclusive to her - that's a call you'll have to make. I've dealt with it plenty in the past, and especially had a difficult time with it when I was just starting out. My utlimate decision was that I needed to improve with women still and I wasn't in a place yet where I could offer a girl exclusivity, and I'd tell girls that and let them choose if they wanted to be with me in this way, or if they didn't want to be with me, but that I was who I was and nothing more or nothing less. You may or may not want to do that yourself... but you will have to decide what's most important.

Do be aware though, that if you're going to give in to a girl's wishes / demands, you must make it very clear you're doing so on YOUR terms as much as possible (and it's never 100% possible when you're giving in) to mollify any potential loss of respect she might endure for you in the relationship by you relinquishing your options (and options are power).

Chase

Peacer's picture

Thank you..!


Hey chase, thank you for the quick reply.

Need a little help to understand this better...!

"Do be aware though, that if you're going to give in to a girl's wishes / demands, you must make it very clear you're doing so on YOUR terms as much as possible (and it's never 100% possible when you're giving in) to mollify any potential loss of respect she might endure for you in the relationship by you relinquishing your options (and options are power)."

So, how to do it.. ?
I mean.. It seems to be quite difficult to do when your giving in, that is how I feel, after reading this.
But, if there are ways to handle it without loosing too much power, what are they..?
I have no clear idea how to handle it in same time..!

Give me a clue chase...!

Ha.. Ha.. I found the "Categories" link, it is quite awesome, but one question though...!
Why is it in the footer with such a small font size.. ? :)
BTW,

Thank you chase.. Thank you...!

Relationship's picture

When someone in a relationship


Hey chase.. ,

I wonder...
Is there any comprehensive guide to someone who is a newbie to your site and who is in a long-term relationship already, to make their relationship far more better than the way it is now.. ?
(I mean, everything they want to know about maintaining, growing of their current relationship and make it to far more better one. I know there are lot of great stuff here and there.. in the Relationship category, but if you can sum up them all plus with some fresh posts in there, it will be a awesome guide not only for a newbie but also for everyone who is in a relationship at the moment.)

I mean.. it is seems to be you and Ricardus have been covered it for a long time with lot of great stuff..

But suddenly, it seems to be that Ricardus has totally given up and you also now.. don't do much with it..

Don't get me wrong, I just wanted to make a request from you..!
C'mon Chase.., we need you in there too..
Give us some fresh air too..!

Thank you..! :)

Chase Amante's picture

Relationships

Author

Rel-

Ricardus actually departed a little while back to run his own business in the foreign languages market (which is doing quite well for him, incidentally), so it's not that he gave up so much as he moved on! His relationship series though was his entire presentation from a 2008 relationship summit he gave, so that really is most of his "stuff" on the subject.

The one you might be looking for on infusing new blood into old relationships is here:

... and of course, better sex is always a big one, especially if it gets to the point where your woman is hounding YOU for more sex:

Also, something else to watching out for in an older relationship:

Anyway, you're right - there are a couple of categories on here that haven't been getting as much love the past month or two (Relationships, Female Mind, Social Life) - I'll see what we can do about that!

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Countering a rigged game


Thank you.

Articles like this help me more than you might realise. You see, I have Asperger's syndrome. This basically means I'm playing a rigged game. I have difficulty with empathy and relating to others, and can't really pick up on signs, whether or not I'm talking to a person.

I wouldn't say my social skills are deficient, but they are divergent from the norm. Having read some of your articles about auto-rejection, I think I can turn this into an advantage.

I just realised I'm babbling. I have a couple requests/questions:
1. What are some of the signs that women don't want to be approached?
2. What are the stages of interaction?
3. How vital are the sexy walk and voice?

I'm just hoping to lower the negative impact my AS has on my game.

Chase Amante's picture

Stages of an Interaction

Author

Anon-

I realize that's hard, yeah. I've known several guys with Asperger's, including one of the more prolific seducers I've known. That man was a relentless self-improvement machine who had to break everything down mechanically, and would spend a LOT of time observing others and mimicking every small detail about them and asking lots of questions about why they did this little thing or that little thing or why this mattered and what not. He'd always seem a little bit off and a little bit artificial, but at least over the short-term with girls he was very, very good and a reliable pickup machine. His relationship game was actually pretty tight too, although he'd usually need to fail multiple times at crucial stages to get things functioning quite right (but then he'd end up pulling off some wild, crazy stuff).

On signs, see my reply to V above on "Signs Not to Approach."

Stages of an interaction - I'd roughly say:

  • Opening / meet (you're strangers; she's wondering, "Is this guy cool? Is he as sexy and strong as he seems? Is he going to be a social burden I'm going to realize I don't want around but he won't get it and won't leave? Is he going to be able to read and respond to my signals?")

  • Small talk / banter (establishing that you're a cool guy who "gets it" and will not be a social burden)

  • Hook point (when she decides she wants you around and will actively try to keep you in the conversation)

  • Move or number/end (when she needs you to either move her for both of you to signify your express interest in getting to know one another better and moving things forward right now, OR for you to tell her you want to see her again another time, grab her phone number, and wish her good day or goodnight)

  • Deep rapport / bonding (when she's getting very comfortable talking to you, and solidifying her belief that, "Yeah, I want this guy")

  • Pull (when you take her to home)

  • Getting comfortable alone with you (when she gets familiar with the environment of your place and decides that you are exactly the same here as you were where she met you - what a relief! - and aren't going to turn into some needy weirdo or crazy serial killer)

  • Escalation to sex (when you start to kiss her and move things to physical intimacy)

And as for the vitality of a sexy walk and sexy voice - the sexier, the better. If you want to know the difference between Brad Pitt and Brendan Fraser, it's mostly these, plus facial expressions.

Chase

Post new comment

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.
  • Web page addresses and e-mail addresses turn into links automatically.
  • Allowed HTML tags: <a> <em> <strong> <cite> <code> <ul> <ol> <li> <dl> <dt> <dd>
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.
  • HTML tags will be transformed to conform to HTML standards.
  • You may insert videos with [video:URL]

More information about formatting options

Image CAPTCHA
Enter the characters shown in the image.