Part II of our series on Valentine's Day is directed at the single guys out there, after Part I, "What to Do with Your Girlfriend on Valentine's Day," covered the gamut for fellas in everything from casual to committed relationships. This one, then, is one how to pick up girls on Valentine's Day.
The title, however, is somewhat misleading; because, as it turns out, the best day to pick up girls around this holiday is not on the day itself. Rather, the best day to pick up girls on Valentine's Day is not on Valentine's Day; the best day to pick up girls on Valentine's Day is, in fact, the day after Valentine's Day... a day an old friend of mine introduced to me as "National Rebound Day."
If you read the previous article, I kicked things off with a brief few paragraphs on the history and evolution of Valentine's Day. It started off as a relatively obscure holiday in honor of one of (or perhaps all of) the many Christian saints named "Valentine;" became associated with the habit of birds beginning to mate in mid-February; and then became a rather debauched occasion, with men picking the names of women out of jars to select sex partners at random, before turning into a more romantic holiday a few hundred years later, and eventually a very commercialized holiday, throughout the English-speaking world and beyond.
Now, you may have read that and said, "If only we could bring back that tradition of picking names from a jar!" Well, as it turns out, the day after Valentine's Day keeps something of that original spirit of the holiday alive.
Valentine's does a number of things to women, not all of them "good" (as in: pleasant). For women in committed relationships, sure, it serves as a confidence booster and reinforcement that they're doing the "right" thing; but for women in uncommitted relationships, or with no partner at all, the holiday serves as something of a painful reminder, or even a wake-up call.
Because our society tends to define a woman's status by her romantic status (far more than it does so for men), and because the holiday so celebrates "love," and, by extension, committed relationships, women without a committed, "in love" romantic partner when the holiday rolls around go through something of a negative emotional cycle. The reaction of the woman to the holiday depends on her disposition, of course; but virtually ever single woman has some kind of reaction to it.
How Single Women React to Valentine's Day
There are three (3) chief kinds of initial reactions women without committed partners have to this holiday:
Sadness. These are the girls who sit around and sulk a bit, act quieter than usual, and stay home by themselves polishing off a bag of chocolate. The take their lack of a partner as a negative judgment on themselves, and feel bad about it. They wonder why it is they can't find someone who loves them.
Defiance. The women who react defiantly are the ones who will tell you, "Bah humbug! Who cares about Valentine's Day?!" They act like the fact that people celebrate this holiday at all in the first place is an insult to themselves (or to womankind, if they're of the more preachy variety) and display varying levels of cynicism and disgust for all things roses and hearts at this time of year.
Awoken. I'm using the term "awoken" here to refer to women who'd been so consumed by whatever they'd been plowing their time into - work, school, research, projects, a business, a hobby, a passion, a cause, etc. - that they'd been completely ignoring romance for a while, and hadn't even realized that part of their lives had been on hold... until, that is, Valentine's Day happened once more. Their reaction isn't sad so much, nor is it necessarily defiant; more, it's similar to the foggy confusedness of someone who's just woken up from a dream, as culture has nudged them with the holiday and asked them to reassess their priorities, and they start thinking that maybe they ought to open up a place for men in their lives once more.
Now, off the top of your head, which woman would you suppose is going to be the most receptive to you around the time of this holiday?
Take a guess. Don't read on until you have.
... got it?
It isn't the sad girl. She's too busy drowning her sorrows in Hershey's and Nestle and Turkey Hill and Haagen-Dazs to worry about finding some new man.
And it isn't the awoken girl. She's functioning the most calmly of the three, not much impacted by the holiday, but realizing perhaps she ought to start her search anew.
No, it's the defiant girl, who wants to prove to herself how much she spits in the face of Valentine's Day - by going out and hooking up with some attractive new man, engaging in a relationship that is the very antithesis of the romance most women are pushing as the driving force behind this time of year.
Why Those Girls?
Especially if you're newer to the art of picking up girls, you may cringe at the very idea of spiteful, cynical women. But aren't they HARD to get? most guys ask.
If you haven't read this article yet, do go check it out: "How to Tell if a Girl is Horny Without Her Having to Tell You." If you're short on time or want the elevator pitch for it, here it is: when women are mean, it's very often because those women are horny (or, at least, undersexed; they may not consciously realize they're horny).
Yes, sadness and vulnerability is sometimes tied to receptiveness to sexual advances, and women who seem sad and vulnerable will often trigger a sexual response in men. The problem with the sad, lonely girls around Valentine's Day isn't that they wouldn't love to have some dashing knave waltz in and put a huge smile on their faces with a brilliant seduction and a couple of mind-blowing orgasms; the problem is that the sad, lonely girls don't go out around Valentine's Day.
They're too busy moping. Even if you text them to come out or send them a message online, they're just going to ignore it or turn you down. They're too busy feeling sorry for themselves.
As for the girls who've just realized they've been ignoring men and probably ought to make men a priority once more, they're actually a lot less affected by the holiday than other women are. The holiday just served to jolt them awake; now they're single and looking, but with women's normal boyfriend-screening blinders on. You may sometimes run into women who've woken up again to men around Valentine's Day who are open to having a quick fling just to get going again with romance; that's not unheard of. You can still make things happen with these girls.
However, when you run into awoken women on Valentine's, they're usually just going to calmly assess your boyfriend potential, and be in no unusual hurry to accompany you to bed.
The defiant girls, though... they're the ones who are up for a little Valentine's Day naughtiness. They're the ones looking to shake a fist at the holiday and say, "Ha! So there!"
And probably the best way they can do that is by picking up a man right after the holiday, and going to bed with him quickly.
The first time I heard the name "National Rebound Day," it was early 2008 and I'd been living in California for about 6 months. My best friend in town had told me about it, and asked me if I'd be joining him out on February 15th for the "holiday."
"Can't make it," I told him. "My girlfriend's flying out from D.C. for Valentine's; she'll be staying with me here for a couple of days."
"Dude," he said with a laugh, "you're missing out. It's National Rebound Day; the best day to pick up girls all year."
My friend ended up going out on both Valentine's Day and the next day - the one he was calling "National Rebound Day" - and I went out for dinner and drinks with my girlfriend on Valentine's. I'd noticed what you'd expect on Valentine's - the only people I saw out anywhere were couples. My friend confirmed - the bars were dead that night in Southern California.
However, the next night...
... as expected, he brought a girl home with him in record time. A tall, thin, attractive girl he'd met at a bar - she was with friends, he was alone - and had spent 30 minutes or so ragging on Valentine's Day with - and then invited back to his place. They slept together within only an hour or so of meeting.
Was it really that solid of a day to pick up on? Was it better than other holidays - and other times of the year?
What made February 15th such a good all-around day to meet women on?
Halloween and New Year's Eve both have reputations as big "hookup nights." And some hooking up does occur on these events (I put a post up on how to pick up girls on Halloween just last year). However, they're not always as good as advertised. Each of them has a few strikes against it that you'll recognize from our primer on picking up girls in bars and clubs:
- Girls are often in big groups
- They often have agendas for the night
- The mood very frequently is party / festive, not sexy / seduction
Still doable, but you're going against the tide.
However, February 15th doesn't have any of these.
It's just another day... except that a lot of the women who are out are still smiting from Valentine's Day and would REALLY like a chance to show it exactly how much they care about it.
That is, not at all.
Women who are feeling defiant the day after this holiday frequently leap at the chance to be with a man... because of a desire to "prove" to society how little the tradition of Valentine's Day means to them.
So there, romantic love!
That Doesn't Mean She'll Be Easy,
You'll be disappointed if you think that means you're going to walk into a bar or a nightclub on National Rebound Day and women are immediately going to be all over you. They might be - you never know - but chances are, they're going to be largely keeping to themselves.
They're feeling defiant, remember. Not happy, giddy, and excited.
That means, of course, that it's your responsibility to find the women looking for you, approach them, and engage them.
Your base fundamentals still matter.
Your game still matters.
How you present yourself still matters.
Just because there are a lot more defiant women out than normal who'd like to make a statement by taking some attractive new beau to bed doesn't mean they're going to spring at the chance to roll in the hay with just anybody. You've still got to be on your game.
However, if you're doing things right, you stand a better-than-normal chance of picking up some attractive new girl on the day after Valentine's.
How to Get Girls on National Rebound Day
The first thing you need to be doing on February 15th is screening for that one quality we've been talking about this whole article: defiance.
If she isn't cynical, skeptical, or defiant, she isn't any more likely to accompany you home on National Rebound Day than she is on any other day.
Fortunately, we can get this one out of the way right off the bat: you can open girls by saying, "Happy day-after-Valentine's Day!" in a half-excited, half-sarcastic way (it's important you don't seem completely sincere here).
You'll know the girls you want by the eye roll, grunt, or disapproving half-smile they give you in reply.
If she's nice here, she's probably either awoken or in a relationship. Sad girls won't be out (unless their friends dragged them out); awoken girls you shouldn't expect too much with. If a girl has a boyfriend, even if you'd normally try your hand at her anyway, unless they had a disastrous Valentine's Day she probably isn't going to be especially receptive to your charms (and if they did have a disastrous Valentine's Day, she's almost certainly going to fall into the sad or defiant categories, rather than the neutral "my boyfriend and I just had a nice Valentine's Day together and I'm happy and content" category).
So, if you normally steer clear of girls behaving sarcastically or cynically, you might struggle a little to keep up here... but if you're well-versed with these kinds of girls, they're more receptive now to you than perhaps any other time of year.
"Valentine's Day" is a tool you can use throughout your interaction with a girl feeling defiant, to remind her of how she's feeling about the holiday and get her prepped to go home with you. Don't over do it, where it's the only thing you ever talk about... but don't mention it only on the opener, and then never mention it again for the remainder of the conversation. It's a good topic if you broach it right.
Remember, because she's feeling defiant and annoyed, her patience is lower, and she'll more quickly move into auto-rejection if you don't move fast enough and get her out of there when she starts to really like you. She didn't go out the day after Valentine's Day to meet a boyfriend or husband. Keep that in mind. Be the kind of man she's looking for, and don't leave her hanging.
So, you might have an initial conversation that goes like this:
You: Happy day-after-Valentine's Day! [said half-sarcastically / slowly / in a sexy voice]
You: I take it you spent last night cursing the marketing gods for an annoying holiday and not pulling petals off of forget-me-nots?
Her: I'm just pretending it didn't happen...
You: Yeah... [changing the topic to something more fun and suggestive] we can pretend last night was Halloween and we all got drunk and wore sexy costumes.
You: If I remember right, you were dressed up as Xena.
Her: I would never dress up like Xena.
You: I'm going to order a drink. Don't go anywhere.
[you order a drink]
You: [turning back to her after getting drink] Come on, let's go sit down. [extend your arm]
Her: We just met.
You: All the more reason for us to get to know each other. Let's sit. [tap arm for her to take]
Just be unfazed through the initial cynical banter and get her investing and moving with you. Once you've done that, you've broken through the toughest part of the interaction with the girl, and so long as you keep things moving briskly, you'll be able to seal the deal.
What About Valentine's Day Itself?
I've gone out on Valentine's Day a few times. In my experience, it's pretty much always dead. Mostly just couples out.
Why? Well, my guess is, if you're a single girl... who's feeling glum about being single... and you know that no matter where you go tonight, there are going to be hordes of lovey-dovey couples celebrating their coupledom together... your incentive for venturing outside your home is virtually nil.
Texting, emailing, or messaging girls on dating sites to meet up on Valentine's Day itself is a mixed bag - I haven't bothered with this personally, but friends who've experimented with it have reported a few girls slept with and a lot of wasted time / gloomy replies / ignored messages. It seems that most women who aren't in a relationship just don't want to do anything on the holiday other than mope around.
That's why they need a rebound, the next day.
Picking Up After Valentine's Day
So, feel free to go out Valentine's Day yourself to meet girls, and get your own data points. You might prove me wrong, and find yourself a girl to take home that very night. Maybe there's a defiant girl who's so defiant that she's goes out Valentine's Day, to prove how badass she is. Or, if Valentine's falls on a weekend night, you may be able to find a girl out with all her partnered-up friends, and her the lone single woman in the group. The rest of the circle may all but force her onto you.
For my money though, in my experience, and those of my friends, it's
the day after Valentine's Day
that you want to be going out on if you want to help some
lucky girl have a far more fantastic holiday than she imagined she
Remember the basics for the holiday:
The day after Valentine's Day - "National Rebound Day" - is your best bet for picking up a new girl around this holiday
Girls who seem defiant, cynical, disgusted, and skeptical are actually your best bets to joke around with, get into quick sexual rapport, and pull on this date (actually, they usually are, if you can handle them, but they are even more so on the ides of February)
You can use the subject of Valentine's Day to remind a girl throughout a conversation of her feelings toward the holiday, and of her desire to "make a statement" against it. Just don't overdo it (and be a one-trick pony), and don't move too slowly once she's started getting worked up over the holiday and her desire to spit in its face (and she grabs another guy instead of you if you're hesitating to pull the trigger and invite her home)
... then put them to good use, and you should do just fine.
And, if you have any wild National Rebound Day tales to share - or any Valentine's Day escapades that fly in the face of what you'd expect for the holiday - by all means, please share them in the comments below to help other guys learn from your experiences too.
Happy Valentine's Day,
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