You read seduction blogs. You improve your style. You learn how to approach girls. You purchase quality materials like Chase’s book. But to what end?
I think there are only two ends to learning seduction: sex and relationships. You can have sex without relationships, but you can’t have relationships without sex (at least not good ones). So really, you put in all of this effort to learn how to have sex with new girls. Maybe you want to sleep with just one new girl – a perfectly fine goal.
However, I think the ultimate aim for most men is to learn how to have sex on a consistent, regular basis. That’s what we’re in the game for. As with most worthwhile things in life, it’s easier said than done.
If you want to learn how to walk that path… read on.
It IS a Numbers Game
I’ve been reading some very troubling articles on the internet lately touting the fact that seduction is not a numbers game. That rather, it is entirely (or mostly) based on what you look like.
Now, before I pose my response to this assertion, I will say that looks are not entirely irrelevant. If you’re a generally good-looking guy, women will be more open to your advances. However, this openness is not only tied to your physical appearance.
And now I will pose my response. First, a very brief thought exercise.
Think of the best looking guy you know personally. The pretty boy, the model, the CrossFit buff – whoever it may be.
Ask yourself: how many girls does this guy actually hook up with?
Ask yourself: does he hook up with the most girls out of all of the guys I know personally?
For a handful of you, maybe the best looking guy in your life does hook up with droves of women. And maybe he does know how to have sex on a consistent basis and hook up with the most girls.
But for most of you… I’d bet that actually isn’t the case.
Personally, I’ve known some really good-looking guys throughout my life. And I mean really good-looking. And I would say only 10% knew how to have sex with many girls on a consistent basis – or at least a basis that was on par with their looks. Girls would always swoon over them and talk about how they would love to have one night with them, but these fantasies very rarely became reality.
Why? The cause was always one of these culprits:
Attainability. If you are an exceedingly good-looking man you’re attainability naturally starts off on a really low level. This means that most decently cute girls are going to be far too intimidated to actually approach you (unless you seem especially warm). So, if most girls won’t approach very good-looking men, then that would mean that the men would have to approach the girls. However, very good-looking guys have approach anxiety just like anyone else. Unless they’ve actually worked on approaching dozens of girls, their looks are irrelevant: they get scared by hot girls just like you do.
Too High Standards. Some men who know how good-looking they are tend to develop a sense of entitlement. And that’s normally a good thing; entitlement is a key mindset that will allow you to hook up with the highest caliber girls. However, these guys develop this sense of entitlement without actually sharpening their skills and putting a seduction process in practice. So a lot of the times they will sabotage themselves when trying to hook up with a hot girl – or worse, wait for her to advance the interaction. So, many of their hookups are just the perfect storm of emotions and circumstances. And since they have such high standards, their opportunities are fewer and farther between, meaning they convert very inconsistently, and have a sex life that mirrors that trend.
Lack of Hunger. Some guys who have been validated for all of their lives lose the drive to improve themselves. So they let themselves stagnate and remain in their comfort zone instead of pushing harder and seeing what they are really made of. And because of that, their stagnation eventually leads to them falling behind.
Most good-looking guys eventually fall behind. Fall behind to whom you may ask? Motivated average to above average looking guys. In my experience, the average or above average looking guy is always the one having the most sex.
This is because:
He has the right level of attainability. He has enough looks that girls will at least entertain his advances and see what he has to offer. I also mentioned before that physical looks are not the only determinant of female attraction. Style has a great effect on how initially attracted a girl is. If you are an average looking guy who has solid style that accentuates his masculine features, you will up your initial attraction while maintaining that approachability. So pay great attention to your clothing, facial hair, and haircut.
He has as much sex as possible. If I said I’d give you either give a $100 bill at random points in time OR a $5 bill every week and that same chance of getting the $100, which would you choose? Logically, you would choose the latter option; the consistent money and the chance for the big prize. However, that’s not what most guys do with women. Most guys only go for the hot girls.
Good-looking guys aren’t the only victims of this mentality – I do mean most guys in general. However, the best way to get those 9’s and 10’s is to refine your process and constantly improve yourself. This means lowering your standards and setting yourself up for consistent hookups. Average looking guys who have a lot of sex follow this practice and reap great benefits because of it.
They are hungry. Most average looking guys have something to prove in one vein or another, and usually one of those areas is their appeal to women. So they tirelessly work at improving themselves and consistently level up with not only their seduction skills but with their overall life efficacy as well.
These reasons are why average looking guys tend to have the most sex. When you find that average looking guy who is motivated and is seizing all of the opportunities that are presented to him, you will find a guy who consistently finds himself in bed with new women.
The only exception to this rule is the natural. Some very good-looking men develop a penchant for flirting with girls very early on in life, and, because of this fact, they are able to consistently have sex with girls as they get older. They follow all of the principles of seduction without really knowing what they are and they have great success.
What these naturals know intuitively, and what the motivated guy comes to understand, is that success with women is absolutely a numbers game. Many a psych study have proven that when you think of any life opportunity as being part of a greater scheme, your stress hormone productions drops vastly and your chances of success increase dramatically.
In other words, having an abundance mentality skyrockets your chances of success with women. Furthermore, women care about much more than looks. The reason why style is so important is because it communicates power, authority, and masculinity. Why? Because, as regular readers of this site know, women have more to lose in the sexual marketplace, and, as such, they have to base their sexual decisions on more than just corporeal appearances. That’s why there’s a big difference between a guy in a baggy t-shirt and a man in a suit. It’s the difference between a lightning bug and the lightning.
Contrast that with a hot girl in a t-shirt, whom most guys would sleep with in a heartbeat.
How Do You Define Having Sex Regularly?
Now, we need some definitions. I think that a lot of guys have unrealistic expectations about how many girls they can sleep with in a given period of time. And pluralistic ignorance (i.e. knowledge that is based on “popular belief” but has no factual truth) leads men to believe that other men are having sex far more frequently than they actually are.
My definition of having sex consistently means sleeping with a new girl every 1-2 months or bringing one (or more) girls into your life with whom you can sleep with on a repeated and regular basis.
Don’t think that’s very many? Think about it this way: That’s more girls than most guys sleep with in a lifetime.
The problem is: most guys go out and try to game one girl at a time.
- They hit a bar or club or peruse OkCupid/Tinder
- They find a girl who is attracted to them and willing to entertain their advances
- They get her number or message her
- They stay in the technology trap for three weeks
- They finally schedule a date with the girl for week four
- She flakes on them or they botch the date
- They try to schedule another meet up
- 2-3 more weeks pass
- They never see her again
- They may chase her some more in a futile effort to recover what was
This is how that small percentage of guys who know how to have sex regularly do it:
- They understand the game of asymmetric returns and how they need to play
- They meet women in bars, clubs, online, in the daytime, at events, and through social circle
- They try to advance things sexually with girls or at least grab a number, sharpening their skills with every interaction – fruitful or not
- They collect as many numbers and matches as possible and interact with as many women as they can in a given time period, trying to push for dates and hookups
- They get flaked on and rejected a lot
- They hook up with the girls who are open to hooking up on the same day or night
- They go on dates with girls who want to date and get the experience regardless of how it goes
- If it goes well, they try to have sex with the girl
- If it doesn’t go well, they forget about it and know that it’s 10x easier to replace a girl than try to salvage something that probably wasn’t that great to begin with
That’s the difference in process between someone who has sex often and someone who is just thirsting for a taste of the nectar. Some guys waste 1-2 months of their lives (and sometimes much, much more on ONE girl). One girl when they probably see dozens every day who are better looking and smarter than the one they can’t stop thinking about.
The reason why the numbers game is so important for success is that you never know what unique romantic situation a given girl is in. There is always some sort of man in her life.
- She could have a serious boyfriend
- She could be a faithful wife
- She could be recovering from a devastating breakup
- She could be mourning the loss of a loved one
- She could be crazy
- She could have a lover who gives her better sex than you could ever dream of
- She could be having a bad day
- She could be on her period
- She could be in trouble with the banks
- She could be holding you in orbiter limbo
- She could be just not that good for you
The point is: you just don’t know what a girl’s particular situation is. And, if you limit yourself to talking to just one girl at a time, you really put yourself at the mercy of the whims of life. And you’ll end up wasting the essence of your own life: time.
Time that you can never get back – and time you’ll likely regret having thrown away on one girl who probably didn’t give you the care and attention that you gave her, or the respect that you deserve.
How to Have Sex Regularly
So we’ve gone over the mindsets and practices of the guys who succeed and… everyone else. We’ve talked about why seduction truly is a numbers game and why you shouldn’t listen to anyone who tries to tell you otherwise.
We’ve set out a quantifiable definition and goal of what having sex regularly actually means. Now, let’s tie it all together and succinctly lay out the process of how to have sex regularly.
Approach ALL of the Time. The first thing that you will need to internalize is that it takes time to put yourself in the position of having consistent sex. If you’re a beginner or low-intermediate it could take 1-2 years. And I don’t say that to scare you or to make the goal seem unattainable. But, I do want to tell you the truth. The process of developing yourself and developing a solid repertoire takes years.
In the first two years, you probably won’t see that much success in terms of sex. You will have girls more immediately attracted to you. You will make out with girls here and there. You may get physical with a couple. But you probably won’t have very many new sexual partners. But what you will notice is a very profound change in yourself.
This change comes from the transformation from a regular guy to a guy who truly takes action to get what he wants. But the only way to achieve this transformation is to approach all of the time. You may get rejected. If you don’t get rejected, you’ll probably fumble the ball at some point before the goal line (you may not get even close to the goal line). But slowly – inch by inch – you’ll see your skills improving. And you’ll recognize the importance of the journey. And you’ll realize that it takes time to get good at anything worthwhile. And, after that trial by fire period, you’ll be ready to step your game up.
Always Make Your Intentions Known. You should never hide the fact that you’re a sexual man. It will put some girls off. Some girls will try to make you act like the tragic “nice guy”. Ignore those girls. You don’t want them anyway. You want the ones who will embrace your masculinity. They are out there. And they are out there in force.
Always Push the Envelope. Maybe you’ve gotten to the point where you’re consistently moving girls and going on dates with them. Maybe you’ve even met a fantastic girl. I know what’s going on in your head. You don’t want to mess it up. You’ve messed up so many other situations in the past and you really want to keep this girl around. And then you play it safe. And then you never see her again. And every once in a while you’ll wonder. You’ll wonder what would have happened if you had tried to kiss her, tried to run your hands over her body, tried to penetrate her. But you’ll always be left wondering.
Maybe a girl doesn’t want to have sex with you. But that’s not for you to decide. Don’t disqualify yourself before you ever even show up to the game. Maybe she does want to have sex with you. But you’ll never know unless you try. And 98% of the time, even if they aren’t down, they won’t fault you for trying.
Always Have the End Goal in Mind. Some guys go out and try to flail around and see what happens. But you’re not one of them. You know why you’re going out. If you meet a girl, you know you have to lay out steps to lead to a place to have sex. Maybe she’ll refuse – but it’s still your job to present the path.
Learn to Handle Last Minute Resistance. It’s always hardest to score at the one-yard line. Maybe you’ve played an entire situation perfectly. Well, this is often when she mounts her greatest defense. You must keep your masculine center. You must hold the balance of push-pull: two steps forward, one step back.
If She Says No, Let it Go. Sometimes she’ll play coy just to test you. Keep pushing forward. Other times she will give you a firm no. Let it go and live to fight another day. One of the hardest things to do as a man is to admit defeat when the cup of victory was inches from your lips. But this is also one of the qualities that makes the most resilient – and the best – of men.
Learn How to Be Great in Bed. Being good at sex is not as easy as most people think. But you know that. You know that you’ll have to learn all of the skills to properly give a woman an unforgettable experience.
All You Need is One. Failure is going to happen. A lot. But through all of the lows, just remember that all you need is one. All you need is that one girl who will follow your lead, resonate with your energy, and end up with you in the greatest exchange of the sexes. A month is a long time. Two months is even longer. Reflect for a moment on how many experiences you’ve had in the last two months. Think about all of the moments and people that you’ve nearly forgotten at this point.
Now think about all of the women you could meet in 1-2 months. The number is absolutely astonishing. But it’s up to you to take action and make it happen.
Always Remember that You’re Enough. So you went out and didn’t sleep with a girl? So what? So you messed up at the last minute? Laugh it off. You learned something, and every experience etches a lesson into the canvas of your life. Always make sure that you’re pursuing the things you want out of life and improving yourself in every way you can.
You Can Rarely Rest. You just had sex with a girl. Fantastic. Your efforts and your frustrations have finally culminated into a wonderful reward. You sit back and text her to come over two nights later. She refuses. You never see her again. And now you’re back to ground zero. But you know that you have to keep consistent efforts to bring more girls into your bed. Laurels are a bad place to rest, and an even worse place to have sex.
The Journey is Never-Ending. There is never a point where you can sit down and attract every girl in any situation. No matter how good you get, you can always get better. No matter how good you get, girls will still flake on you, change their minds, blow you off, and be girls.
Embrace Ground Zero. Sometimes nothing will be working. Flakes, rejections, and dead ends everywhere. Become familiar with this feeling. Embrace it. Ground zero is where you open up a world of possibilities. You could try that new yoga class and meet a girl. You could take rumba lessons. You could approach at the train station. You could fly to Brazil. Ground zero can be frustrating, but look at the other side of the coin. There are a million paths in front of you – so pick one and take action.
Always Take Action. Nothing will change without action. But I didn’t have to tell you that.
Wrapping Up: Most Guys Won’t Take This Advice
A lot of guys know what needs to be done in their lives. A lot of them nod their head and scream out in agreement. And then they’ll go home, turn on the Xbox, watch a movie, masturbate, and go to bed. And then they’ll wake up, go to work, and watch seas of beautiful women pass them by. They’ll pine over that one girl, or beat themselves up for freezing when that pretty one smiled at them.
But not you. You will take action. You will push through. You are not most guys. You are a man.