How to Get First-Date Sex with Girls on Every Date


first date sexIn the comments section of "Dating Without Sex: Why It Usually Doesn’t Work," Maxz had a comment about how to get first date sex:

Totally right on Chase.

All the girls I have lost are girls I moved slow with, and did not give them what they wanted meaning sex. After I discovered this site, I learnt my lesson in the move fast department. Every girl I meet these days I'm trying to move fast with. From getting them out on a date and so on.

But a question I had for you Chase is I'm still having trouble in the sexual escalation part. How do you get intimate with a girl on date number one and not prolonging dates to two or three before you bed a girl?

In case you're new here and unfamiliar with the mantra of this site, it's "move fast, skip steps where you can, and take women to bed as soon as possible if you want to stand the greatest chance of keeping them around." The rationale, of course, is that it's easier to keep dating a girl you're already lovers with... than one you aren't.

But what about getting to intimacy on the first date? Can you really get first date sex with girls with any degree of consistency?

Or is it just a myth?


first date sex

I have a confession to make. Before I spent much time learning about getting girls, and even for some time after, I really, truly believed that only "easy" girls slept with someone on the first date.

I believed that, if a girl went to bed with a guy, and it was only the first time they were going out together... well... clearly, she was the kind of girl who just does that with everyone!

This was not what you might call a "helpful mentality." In fact, it hurt me quite a bit. It led to me:

  • Losing girls that part of me knew wanted me quite badly, because my logical mind kicked in and told me, "Look man, it's only the first date... and she's not that kind of girl! So just hold off."

  • Projecting my own mentality onto women through my words, actions, and subcommunication, leading to them acting conservative and cagey around me where most of the time they were not that way.

  • Making women around me uncomfortable, because they could tell that I was judging them: either a girl was a "good girl," or she was not.

You could probably just chalk this off as being the "inexperienced guy's mentality" about first date sex. True, I didn't have experience... but I was certain that this was the way it was!

When I used to talk to other guys learning how to get girls early on in my growth curve, I'd frequently hear them saying you could take "pretty much any girl" to bed quickly enough if you pushed the right buttons on her. Poppycock! I told them. I'd had some girls come to bed with me fast too, but that's because they were the kind of girls who did that! There were OTHER girls... more CONSERVATIVE girls... who simply did not go for that kind of thing.

They were different.

I was certain of it. Totally certain. But my certainty did not come from experience... it came from speculation.

And speculation is the mother of all incorrect assumptions.


You Are Your Ideals

Jonathan Haidt, a professor of psychology at New York State University’s Stern School of Business, came up with something based on his research into the mindset differences between liberals and conservatives he called the "Moral Foundations Theory." In his time spent examining the predispositions of individuals on both sides of the moral spectrum, he found six different moral foundations which influence someone's perception of the world, and how he views and feels about things morally. They are:

  1. Care/harm: kindness and nurturance geared at keeping others safe and away from damage and harm.

  2. Fairness/cheating: reciprocity and proportionality, generating justice, rights, and autonomy.

  3. Liberty/oppression: reaction and resentment to being oppressed or dominated, and in tension with #5, authority.

  4. Loyalty/betrayal: in-group cohesion, patriotism, and self-sacrifice for the good of the group.

  5. Authority/subversion: deference to legitimate authority, respect for traditions, and adherence to the hierarchy.

  6. Sanctity/degradation: extends out of disgust and contamination, and views immoral activities as contaminants. Leads to striving for nobility.

What Haidt found regarding the difference in the valuation of each of these six elements was quite fascinating. He found this:

  • The more liberal someone is, the more the first two elements (care/harm and fairness/cheating) become all important, and the less the last four elements matter.

  • The more conservative someone is, the more all six elements are weighed to be of equal importance.

This leads to some rather intractable problems when you have liberal-minded individuals and conservative-minded individuals debating with each other over one thing or another. The liberal may want to do something that makes things more "fair" for someone, while the conservative may view this action as a "betrayal" or "subversive." The liberal, in turn, wonders how the conservative can possibly support "cheating" by his opposition to the action.

What I quickly realized as I began learning seduction was that I was very conservatively-minded by nature, while almost everyone who was any kind of significant figure in the seduction field was liberal.

And we had very different ways of viewing things.

But, my goal was not to moralize; rather, it was to learn, to improve myself, and to cast aside my own prejudices and inhibitions. I could never adopt the free-wheeling (to me) mindset of the majority of seducers, but I could certainly figure out where they had points, and where I was wrong, and where I could stand to learn a thing or two.

And with time, one of the areas I learned I was wrong was with getting to sex on the first date. For as much as my conservative predispositions made me want (in those days) to believe that there are just some girls out there who cannot be "turned" to first date sex, the more experienced I gained as a seducer, the more I found myself disproving this notion, and proving the notion of my more liberally-minded friends.


First Date Sex... with Conservative Girls

When I was new to picking up girls, I assumed that most women are too conservative for first date sex. And that, if you did happen to sleep with a girl on the first date whom you thought was conservative, well... obviously, your read was off.

But, as I advanced as a seducer, I began to push myself harder to sleep with girls more and more quickly, and I began to take girls to bed more and more consistently on the first date... and many of the ones I didn't I could tell wanted me to, but I simply didn't make the move.

And I began to wonder... are all of these girls open about sex? Are all of them liberal? Every single one? At first I just assumed that if something happened fast with a girl I thought was conservative, I must have just misread her.

But this was happening with almost every girl I got out on a date.

first date sex

If I'd only been meeting girls in, say, loud, boozy nightclubs, I could chalk that up to picking up girls in a den of iniquity. That would explain it.

But I wasn't. I was meeting girls in :

  • Bars
  • Nightclubs
  • Parties

... yes, but ALSO in:

  • Bookstores
  • Coffee shops
  • School alumni events
  • Trains and airplanes
  • The street

... some of whom had never even BEEN to a bar or a nightclub.

And all these girls reacted almost exactly the same.

Some of them were quite nervous about physical intimacy, while others were clearly confident and in their element. Some of them had no idea what they were doing in bed, while others were pros. Some of them put up a fair amount of last minute resistance before we became lovers, while others virtually tore their clothes off themselves (or literally, in a few cases).

But they all had one thing in common: most of them, when I did things right, went to bed with me on the first date.

How could this possibly be, and how could women move so fast?


first date sex

In the article about dating without sex, we talked about marriage as a sociocultural construct; basically, something created by culture, not by biology.

If you woke up tomorrow on a deserted island, just you and some girl, and the two of you fell in love, you probably wouldn't ever end up getting "married," because there wouldn't be much point. But you'd still do all the things necessary as biological organisms to mate and reproduce.

Well, at least with marriage, while it isn't biologically based, it's still something pretty ubiquitous throughout most of the world's civilizations. But dating...? How ubiquitous is dating?

Truth is, in most parts of Asia and Africa, "dating" as a concept does not even exist. Even in North America, the originator of dating, the tradition itself only stretches back to after the Gilded Age; it's only about a hundred years old. Prior to the turn of the 20th century, the phrase "go on a date" meant a man was buying time with a prostitute.

So when I hear all the noise and hubbub about how you "shouldn't have sex before the third date" or you see women preaching from the rooftops about how they "simply won't have sex before at least the tenth date," I write it off as ridiculous carrying on about rigid, arbitrary rules surrounding a tradition that's existed for a mere blink of the eyes in cultural time, and already shows signs of wearing pretty thin (how many people do you know who regularly "go on dates" anymore?).

There is no biological rule ingrained in the female human mind that says, "There must be three (3) discrete dates before mating may occur." No; dating is a cultural construct, with precisely zero basis in biology except for this:

Females of the species need to be able to assess a male's mating value and quality.

That's it. That's the purpose that dating serves today; it's a vetting period, to replace the courtship process of bygone years.

And all vetting procedures have three elements in place:

  • A logical element,
  • An emotional element, and
  • A logistical element.

And if you can remove any logical objection for why a woman should not sleep with you right now... and if you can remove any emotional objection for why a woman should not sleep with you right now... and if you can remove any logistical reason why a woman should sleep right now... guess what?

She's going to sleep with your right now.


The Psychology of First-Date Sex

We get a fair amount of female commenters on this site (in light of its target demographic, in any event), representing a fairly even dispersion of opinions:

  • Half of them say, "Actually, this is surprisingly true... I didn't think a men's dating site would pin down female logic and behavior so well, but you've got it."

  • And the other half say, "Go screw yourself! Never in a million years would I do what you're saying women do! You don't know women AT ALL!"

(Usually I just delete the latter comments, since this is a place for well-reasoned, balanced arguments, and not for vitriol-laden diatribes aimed at relieving the angry individual's emotional angst; for the record, I also normally delete the "Women are evil and don't make sense at all!" comments from bitter men, too)

That caveat is in there just so that when you see the "Women aren't like this at all / you must only be sleeping with SLUTS but I'm a good girl and would NEVER do this!" remarks in the comments section, you know where it's coming from: women who aren't emotionally in-tune with the article.

What happens is, most women who get upset read or hear something like how women go to bed with men quickly in the right situations with the right men, and their hackles go up, they get defensive, and they react to it the way they would if someone personally attacked their ego, self-image, or reputation.

But I'm not attacking anyone personally. I'm talking about human beings, meeting, attracting, and mating.

And when a woman meets a man who makes her FEEL completely full of lust, and desire, and raw, throbbing, potent sexual need... when she sees NO REASON to object to going to bed with this man right now and taking him as her lover... when she will never see him again, and no one will ever know, and her body aches for him as it has never ached for anything else... and when it just happens, and suddenly they are alone, and he is on her, kissing her, touching her, bringing her to the point of surrender... then yes; even for a normally conservative girl, she will release her hold on logic and rigid rules, and she will take this man she longs for as her lover... even if it is the first and last time they will ever see each other.


Why First-Date Sex is the Best Sex

But why all the hoopla about sex on the first date? Why not just wait?

Because, as we discussed in "Attraction Has an Expiration Date," attraction expires. It doesn't last long... like a carton of milk, if you don't down it fast, you may just pour yourself a cup and find it's curdled. And as we discussed in "What Women Want," there really are three categories women are interested in slotting men into: lover, provider, and friend... and the longer you wait, the further out in that circle you tend to go.

That circle ends up looking like this:

first date sex

The further inward you start in the circle, the better off you are from the outset with a girl. And while it is incredibly easy to move out from an inner circle to an outer circle, it is incredibly difficult to move the other way, from outside to in. It's like fighting a tide trying to pull you out to sea... you can fight it for as long as you want, as hard as you want, but eventually you will wear out, and be swept away like everyone else.

What that means for US, as men interested in being more than just women's friends or potential providers, is that we want to start in the middle - you want to strike a girl as the kind of man she finds:

  • Captivating
  • Entrancing
  • Exotic
  • Mysterious
  • Seductive
  • Charming
  • Charismatic
  • Irresistible

The more you are these things, the deeper into the circle you start, and the easier a time you will have taking a woman as your lover, partner, or girlfriend.

Now, because attraction expires so quickly, this also means you must take women to bed fast. No horsing around or dilly-dallying; if she likes you, she knows right away, and delaying things, contrary to what conventional dating wisdom prescribes, does not help your chances any.

In fact, it makes them worse... much worse.

When you hear women telling you that a man needs to take his time, move slowly, and take them on lots of date to have a chance, she's talking about having a chance as a boyfriend- or a husband-candidate. She is not talking about having a chance to be the man of her fantasies... the one who walks in, and she knows immediately that she MUST have this man, or she will regret it for the rest of her life... that man will do nothing but annoy her, frustrate her, and madden her by taking it slow.

And that man she needs no long vetting period for; meeting him on a seashore in some exotic locale, or a chance encounter on a train somewhere, or a man who walks up to her on the street, exuding charm, and confidence, and sexual power... she knows this man may not be someone she has in her life for a long time, and there isn't much sense taking him through a long assessment period. She already knows what she needs to know about him: that THIS is a man she WANTS.

First date sex is the best sex because it clears the obstacles out of your way, stops you from wasting time, stops her from wasting time, and gets the two of you in bed together, as lovers, as quickly as possible.

It gives you the freedom to take her as your girlfriend if you so please, or even as your wife. Most of the time, you must be sleeping with a woman before you can move her into any kind of meaningful relationship; and the longer time stretches on before you take her as your lover, the more remote the odds become that you will ever do so.

If it's going to happen, most of the time (there are exceptions, but we're not talking about exceptions here), it's going to happen fast.


first date sex

Once you've shed the belief telling you sex doesn't happen on the first date, and realized that dates themselves are artificial cultural constructs that the mind doesn't really care that much about, or at least does not care much about when it has powerful reasons to disregard (any more than it cares about always perfectly following other arbitrary rules, like making sure you remain precisely inside the painted lines of the crosswalk as you cross the street, or that you make sure to always remain under the speed limit when driving, especially if you have compelling reasons to violate these rules), you can focus your energies onto reaching intimacy on the first date.

But... and here's the question on everybody's minds... how do you create those compelling-enough reasons that even a girl who's accustomed to rigidly, conservatively following to the letter even the most arbitrary and inane of rules will drop her rigid, conservative tendencies and simply surrender to her passions for you? How's that work?

To do this, it all ties back to those three elements we mentioned a little earlier:

  1. The logical element,
  2. The emotional element, and
  3. The logistical element.

... in ascending order of importance. If you can handle all three of these elements, you can achieve first-date sex with nigh any girl you go out with.

Let's have a look at what each of those three elements entails.


#1: The Logical Element of First-Date Sex

Ah, logic. Something of vague and maligned importance in the world of seduction; you've heard comedians tell jokes about women not needing to make sense; you've heard the term "chick logic;" you've probably even heard me chastise you to stop using logic and start using emotions with women.

Yet, logic does serve its place: both in addressing women's objections and in setting up plausible deniability prior to intimacy. It also has a large part to play in congruency; if the things about you don't logically add up, that's a red flag to women - who are always on the lookout for lies and inconsistencies - that you aren't a straight shooter or you've got something to hide.

Logic isn't as important to seduction as emotions or logistics are, but it still has a substantial impact, and it isn't something to be ignored or dismissed.

The confusing thing for beginners at getting good with girls is that, if you're a man accustomed to talking to other male friends, logic is often the underpinning of your conversation, with emotion the window dressing. You'll have a conversation, a debate, a discussion, and it's all about advancing some rational point, or the sharing of useful, practical information. Emotions like excitement or sadness are normally just used as color to make the conveying of this information less dry.

With women though, it's the complete opposite - emotion is the underpinning, with logic the window dressing. The important thing is conveying emotionally-meaningful content - logic is just the icing on the cake to make the conveyance of that emotion presentable.

What this means for you is that, just as you use different emotions to get across whatever point you're trying to make with a man, you use different logic to get across whatever emotion you're trying to communicate with a woman.

Confused yet? Don't be. It works like this:

  • The objective of a "point" in women's conversation is to convey a certain emotion, want, need, or desire.

  • Logic will be adopted - whatever logic best fits - in order to best communicate that emotion in a way that seems to make sense.

  • Whether that logic makes sense or not does not matter, so long as it seems to and it gets the emotional point across.

A woman might say to you, "I can't go home with you, I'm sorry... I have to get up early tomorrow," when it's only 8:30 PM at night. Logically, this doesn't make much sense - even if she's getting up at 7 AM, so long as you have her back before 11 PM, she's still going to get a full night's sleep. What she's using this logic to convey, however, is an emotion of preferring not to go home with you (for whatever reason; usually that you made a mistake somewhere along the line or didn't come across as enough of a sexy man to get her going).

Conversely, a woman might tell you, "I'm sleepy," as a prompt for you to take her home. Again, logically, this makes little sense; if she's SLEEPY, she'd want to go home and go to sleep... ALONE! Yet, most of the time you hear, "I'm sleepy," it actually means, "I want you to take me home... just the two of us." But it sounds like it makes sense, and it conveys the emotion she wants to convey, so that's all that counts.

You can quickly see why so many men end up frustrated and sometimes bitter when they first start trying to really work at their abilities with women. To a man who's thinking logic first, emotion second, too much is happening that doesn't make sense.

But with women, your logic must serve emotions, and not the other way around. That's the only way you get consistent progress with women, and it's the only way you take girls to bed on the first date.

first date sex

To get women, think like a woman.

That means, you do or say what you WANT... then throw some logic over top of it as window dressing.

For instance:

  • "Let's move over there, it's really crowded over here." You can use this line to move girls, and it's typically accepted without question. Seems to make sense. Except, it's useful even when it ISN'T that crowded, or the place you're moving to is MORE crowded. Because the logic ISN'T what's important here; it's the emotion ("Hey, let's go somewhere together"), with the logic simply used as window dressing to make the emotion communicated presentable.

  • "Let's go for just five minutes, and then you can go, I promise." This sounds ridiculous to any man inexperienced in overcoming resistance from women who are on the fence about him; what good's five more minutes of chatting to her going to do? You might as well just let her leave. But to the man who's socially attuned, it isn't about the five minutes; the five minutes are just window dressing. What's REALLY being conveyed is, "I like you and I want you to come with me," and when the woman decides to do so, she is changing her mind and saying, "Okay... I like you too. I change my mind; I'll accompany you." It almost never ends up being just five minutes she goes with you for, and much of the time you can take this girl to bed later.

  • "It's too hot in here for this." Believe it or not, this is one of those magic escalation lines you can use when a girl is resisting you taking her shirt or pants or bra or underwear off... and it works. But only when she's emotionally ready for it. What happens is, prior to sex (especially prior to first-date sex!) a lot of women's minds start racing with concerns, and their logical brains try to erect some roadblocks to sex to control their emotional brains from simply taking over and having them surrender to this man they find attractive and desirable. But as soon as you start giving reasons for your actions that the logical brain has even a smidgen of difficulty refuting, emotional overrides kick in and she does what she wants instead of what she thinks she "should" do... even if it really isn't all that hot.

That's just a smattering of examples, but you get the point. The point is, your logic doesn't need to be impeccable with women... it just needs to get the emotional point across that you're trying to communicate.

The main things you need to work around logically with women are objections:

  1. Isn't it too soon for us to go to bed together?
  2. Shouldn't I wait? He'd make a fantastic boyfriend.
  3. I don't know if I want to risk losing him as a friend just to sleep with him.
  4. It's better if my friends don't see us acting too couple-y together.
  5. Do I want to give this guy more time? I don't know...
  6. Should I go meet my friend as planned, or keep spending time with him?
  7. Shouldn't I be getting ready to go to bed soon? I DO have to get up early.
  8. Shouldn't I be keeping myself under control? I've been hooking up too much.
  9. Am I sure this is a guy I like? He seems a little too slick for me.
  10. Am I sure this is a guy I like? He seems a little unsure of himself.

... things like that. You need to be good at brushing objections off with quick, simple, logical-seeming replies, and then focus on addressing the emotional root of the issue.

Which brings us to the emotional element.


#2: The Emotional Element of First-Date Sex

Next up on our list is the emotional element of first-date sex, the second most important element (after logistics). What's the difference between Fabio and a creepy guy? The emotions each arouses in women.

Being able to arouse the right emotions is a key skill for not just first-date intimacy, but for anyone who wants to do anything with women at all. And it works both ways.

Skeptical? Pay attention to which woman gets more attention the next time you're out somewhere... is it the most beautiful woman... or the most sexy woman?

It's surprising if you've never paid much attention to it before, but the most sexy woman is almost never the most beautiful woman. Beautiful women are women who've simply been born with good genetics; sexy women are women who've worked to turn themselves into individuals who inspire the right emotions in others. The result? Most of the leading actresses in Hollywood are sexy, not beautiful, and most of the most alluring women you'll see in real life are too.

Sex appeal; something that's learned, not something innate. Things like charisma, charm, elegance, luster; the things that make you most emotionally appealing are the ones you can learn.

Most of these we've discussed fairly in-depth on this site already; for review, here they are:

Some of these are things you can tweak fairly easily; some of them take time. These are the fundamental aspects of you, how you come across, and the feeling you give women. There are other aspects of hitting the emotional triggers to get women primed and ready for intimacy quickly, however; and we've covered these in most of the following articles on the specifics of your interactions:

Seem like a lot to cover? It should... this is the part of seduction most guys get wrong. And, it's the hardest part to get down. How do you inspire the right emotions in the women you meet?

There are no shortcuts to getting the emotional element down - you've simply got to chip away at it. Anyone who tells you you can reliably take girls to bed on the first date without taking time to get down the emotional element first is leaving out a big part of the picture.

You can get girls in bed with you quickly when you're not strong with emotions... but it's going to be rare, and it's going to be hard. By becoming the kind of man women respond to emotionally - that they desire, long for, and find attractive - and by interacting with women in a way that most inspires they excitement, intrigue, and interest, you enable yourself to begin pulling off rapid seductions increasingly quickly, and increasingly more easily.


#3: The Logistical Element of First-Date Sex

Now for the most important element.

But wait, you say; with all the emphasis we just put on the emotional element of getting to sex quickly... and with as much comprehensive coverage of the entire interaction, conversation, and seduction as logic and emotion together have... how can we possibly say that logistics are the most important element to quick, first-date sex?

Simple: by pure default, if you have no logistics, you cannot have sex.

You can sleep with a girl if your logic is bad, if she's already decided she wants you anyway.

And you can sleep with a girl if your ability to inspire the right emotions in her is non-existent, if she's in the right mood or you fill the right place in her life then and there.

But you cannot, under any circumstances, take women as your lovers if you don't handle logistics.

Logistics, of course, are your ability to guide a woman through the physical and social hoops and obstacles you'll encounter on the road to getting together, and your ability to arrange things so that the two of you end up alone somewhere that you can consummate your attraction. Without logistics, you will never get together.

Still not sold on the importance of logistics? Two points:

  1. You can take women to bed who have zero sexual interest in you and don't much like you as a person at times if your logistics are handled properly. This is the situation where you get a girl alone together with you, begin to physically escalate with her, and she simply says in her head, "Eh, why not." And believe it or not, this happens a lot more often than most men think it does! And the only way you realize this is by A) handling logistics, and B) inviting women home with you even when it seems they're not all that into you.

    The results are, at times, shocking... girls who seemed incredibly interested simply won't go, and girls who seemed completely disinterested go home with you and go to bed with you. You really can't trust reactions to figure out which girls are most likely to become your lovers, at least not early on in your seduction career.

  2. You can have women who are raring to go with you, but if you can't handle logistics (and if she can't either... women occasionally will handle these for you, but it's uncommon, and you can't depend on it), the escalation window frequently passes and you've moved out of the lover circle and into the provider or friend one.

How do you handle logistics?

  1. Get an apartment (or hotel) nearby to where you're meeting women or taking them on dates

  2. Get a solid process

  3. Follow your process

You see me harp on here on process from time to time. What is process? It is, in a nutshell, your logistical plan for the date. This is the series of steps you're taking women through, logistically, and it's the logistics of pulling and closing things out you need to follow to take women from strangers to lovers.

To get a solid process put together designed to take you directly to intimacy at the end of your first date, see "Simplify Your Dates."


How Hard Is It to Sleep with Girls on the First Date?

first date sexWell, that depends on how good your:

  1. Logical communication (as window dressing),
  2. Emotional communication (as the underpinning), and
  3. Logistical setup (for leading, guiding, and closing)

all are.

If this is too much to work on and you don't know where to start... start with the date template laid out in the article on simplifying your dates and go from there. Start with logistics - they truly are the most important part of things. You can get girls without logic, and without emotions, but you can't get them without logistics.

Once you're in good shape on logistics, focus on getting the emotional element of your seductions handled - those are your fundamentals, and your "game." How you come across with women, and how you communicate.

Least important - but still significant - is the logical window dressing; this is for addressing objections and for making it easier for women to go along with the logistical plan and your emotional objectives.


Okay, So How Do I Sleep with Her on Date #1?

If you still need something simpler to run off of, try this:

  1. Propose a date with her when you get her phone number
  2. Text her with simplicity and purpose, and use texts as a tool to set up dates only
  3. Follow the guide on simplifying your dates and pick somewhere nearby to meet
  4. Focus on deep-diving, chase framing, and good conversation on the date
  5. Use sprezzatura, obey the Law of Least Effort, and get her investing
  6. After you've built enough of a connection (1 to 3 hours), invite her home
  7. Once back at your place, kiss her within 10 minutes of getting home
  8. Escalate physically, handle any objections, and be a good lover to her

Follow those steps, and you stand a far, far better chance than the average of taking girls to bed on the first date. And, combine those steps with solidly handled logical and emotional elements... and you'll get first-date sex with girls on just about every date.

Regardless of whether she's a "good girl"... or not.

Always,
Chase Amante

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Comments

Balla's picture

Stop being needy about sex


Another great post man, I love reading your stuff! On the last article in the comments I read you said that I was being needy for sex and I should tone it down. I will say you hit the nail right on the head. It's all I think about, when I'm awake and definitely when I'm asleep. I think this is the only reason I'm failing with women is because I want sex so bad. Im not thinking about getting girls all the time I'm thinking about having sex with them all the time, which is why I can get sooo many girls liking me, giving me compliance, and everything but sex because I desire it so much.

I really can't stop thinking about it because I used to get it so much that it wasn't so much on my mind, but after I had an incident with a girl I slept with I had to go on a dry-spell till things were right. After that it became so much harder to get sex, it's like getting lucky to me now instead of something that just happens.

I know you told me that I have to think less about it but chase how can I do that if that's my goal to get with the girls Im attracted to? How can I have abundance mentality if I don't even have one partner I'm constantly seeing? The main question is how can I stop being needy about sex and not making it feel like I'm winning the lotto?

I wrote so much so you can see why I'm in the situation I'm in now. If you could write an article about "Not being needy about sex" it could help a lot of guys out. If you do could you just give me some tips to hold me over until you make the article?

Thanks Chase!,
Balla!

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Stop being needy about sex

Author

Hey Balla,

Sure, that would be a good article to get up. I'll see what I can do.

Beating neediness is a tough one; it's a feedback loop - you only get needy when something feels hard to get, then once people start picking up on that neediness - and even worse, once you start acting too carefully and doing things slowly and awkwardly because of neediness - things get harder to get. Then you get MORE needy, and start doing things MORE wrong. It's a vicious cycle.

It helps greatly to have multiple avenues for getting women, especially ones that you're excited and optimistic about. e.g., if you mostly meet women through day game, start spending a few hours a night hitting the bars and clubs, or playing around with online game. Or, you can join a club or organization with a lot of cute girls in it and work on your social circle game. Travel, or even moving to a new place (or planning to) can get you rejuvenated, optimistic, and not needy anymore.

Basically, find ways to make things fresh, exciting, and hopeful for yourself again. Once you do that, you're far too focused on the good things to come to spend much time worrying about the lack of good things now - and your neediness begins to slip away, and you begin to do better, and feel less needy, and get into a virtuous cycle instead of a vicious one.

Chase

Vaughn 's picture

How to make cold girls desire to see you


What can I do to make women want to see me that I get from cold approach? I haven't gotten my fundamentals Down enough to make her want to see me after a first impression. What should I talk about on the phone to them so they can't wait to see me and desire me?

One more thing I get told I look scary and mean a lot and I try not to, how should I look when I'm just walking or working on something?

Chase Amante's picture

Phone, and Removing "Scariness"

Author

Hey Vaughn,

Check out this one on phone calls:

Tactics Tuesdays: Making the First Phone Call to a Girl

On scariness, most of the time that's eyebrows, eyes, and mouth. You fix that by going for up, open, and warm - basically, eyebrows up, eyes open wide, and smile light and warm. It'll feel weird when you start doing it if you're accustomed to scowling, because your face is used to a different default position. But you've got to train yourself to look that way all the time; just keep lifting your eyebrows back up, opening your eyes a little wider, and putting a slight smile on your face every time you realize you've reverted back to the scowl. Should take about a month of actively, consciously focusing on it and correcting yourself before you reach the point where it's become or is in the process of becoming your default facial expression.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

sex


I understand about guys wanting to have sex I mean I'm a guy but I don't have to have sex on the first date but every girlfriend I had I have had sex with. Sex is not everything in a relationship one of my friends had a girlfriend for a year before they had sex.

Anonymous's picture

Worlds changed


I went out with a girl and she wanted sex on the first date. After that first date, it went down hill because I didn't give her what she wanted. This article is spot on!

M's picture

Studious girls


Hey Chase,

But what about studious girls? I mean girls who really do care much more about studying/working all the time for their tests/auditions and the long-term success of their career than they do about meeting guys. Aren't those exactly the girls whom you WON'T be able to pick up on the street and take to bed quickly, basically because sex is more of a distraction than a necessity for them? And more importantly, aren't they generally the highest-achieving and "highest-quality" girls you could date?

Best,
M

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Studious girls

Author

Howdy M,

Think of "studious girls" as essentially people with especially high fences around their autopilot. A girl who studies all the time is just a girl who's used to following a rigid plan day-in and day-out, and if you want to break through that you just have to have better fundamentals and a better approach with women.

It's not that sex is a distraction for them, necessarily, but more that it isn't part of their "plan." They're highly emotionally invested in following their plan, which is go here, do this, leave at this time, study this thing, go to this event, and so on and so forth, that most men approaching them will panic them and make them fret about interruptions to their plan. You get them by having such a solid presence (via tight fundamentals) that you trigger strong enough attraction to override their "must-follow-plan" programming.

You also need to spend some time breaking these girls OUT of their plan... e.g., when she starts telling you she HAS to go do something, leaning in, staring at her with a mischievous smile, and asking her in a very sexy way, "Do you have to?" designed to make her ask herself, "Yeah, DO I have to??"

With regard to quality, that depends on how you define it - that's a different set of metrics for everyone. But for me, yes, I define ambition and dedication as two of the qualities I look for most in both friends and girlfriends. One note on them, however: when they're still in college and not very experienced with men yet though, and you manage to break through their rock-solid autopilot and get through to them and capture their attention and attraction, much of the time you're just about the ONLY guy who's managed to do this, and if you DO sleep with them they get very attached. You can see the "love at first sight" article on this one; that was a studious girl I captivated with a look, then led to sex (albeit, after a great deal of resistance) on the first date.

Chase

Martin's picture

Date Question / Emotional Communication


Hey Chase. This article is the right one at the right time. I've got a date this evening and I want to escalate as far as possible. You wrote a great article, but I'm afraid I'm too much in my head, if I read now all the great articles a second time before I meet her, so my question:

What advice can you give me for the date, I mean if you could give me one or two short sentences on what to focus, what would they be?

Something like "Have fun, connect, move fast, pay attention to create the right emotions?"

You know, I applied for the forum a few weeks ago, but I've got registration problems with my nickname (Martin) I don't know why it doesn't work.

Another question: About two weeks ago, I focussed on emotional communication with women during my direct approaches on the street and the results were awesome. For two years I unconciously used logical communication while I talked to them and the results were disappointing.

Do you have already some articles online about emotional communication during the approach or will you release one somewhen in the future?

Thanks a lot man!

Martin's picture

Just finished the article. I


Just finished the article. I feel dumb now as I see my answers questioned, after I stopped reading :D

Chase Amante's picture

Questions answered

Author

Martin-

No worries at all. Hope the date went well... and that the article helped ;)

Chase

Zac's picture

i'm sure you are testing some waters.


I am sure you hit some nerves and some people will surely be annoyed. HAHAHA! but well, date is a date.

Zac

Chase Amante's picture

Hitting nerves

Author

Hey Zac,

Well, kind of goes with the territory on this stuff. I try to be as genteel as I can in discussing these matters, but no matter how you cut it, we're talking about sex and dating, and sooner or later someone's going to take it personal, get on a high horse, and ride in here to defend the social order.

Just how these things go...!

Chase

Franco's picture

This one hit me like a train...


When I used to talk to other guys learning how to get girls early on in my growth curve, I'd frequently hear them saying you could take "pretty much any girl" to bed quickly enough if you pushed the right buttons on her. Poppycock! I told them. I'd had some girls come to bed with me fast too, but that's because they were the kind of girls who did that! There were OTHER girls... more CONSERVATIVE girls... who simply did not go for that kind of thing.

They were different.

I was certain of it. Totally certain. But my certainty did not come from experience... it came from speculation.

And speculation is the mother of all incorrect assumptions.

This was me. Thank you for providing this website, Chase, so that I could see past this.

=)

- Franco

Chase Amante's picture

Re: This was me

Author

Most certainly, Franco - happy to be of service.

Chase

Panbean's picture

Online tactics


Hi Chase:
I've been really enjoying your posts, the information has given me some great insights and direction to improve my game and I've started playing with this stuff. If nothing else it has given me a base to operate from instead of just shooting in the dark, which is what it feels like I've been doing.

Any insights on how to improve the online game? Would love to hear your thoughts.
Cheers, Panbean

Chase Amante's picture

Online

Author

Hi Panbean,

Sure thing. I've got one article up on it here already:

3 Essential Tips for Online Dating Message and Email Writing

... and a post on my old online dating methods on the new forum right here:

Chase's Guide to Online Dating (2010)

(if you use this, you'll probably want to modify it somewhat, as there are already a bunch of guys who sound like they're copying it verbatim right now!)

Aside from that, I'll probably do a more comprehensive post on online dating at some point, but these two should tide you over a bit until then I'd think.

Chase

Maxz's picture

Great!


Another great output Chase. Every word I ate up and plan to implement on the next date, which just happens to be tomorrow. Thanks.

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Great!

Author

You're quite welcome, Maxz - hope it helps you see some results.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Hi chase another smashing


Hi chase another smashing article.chase since I have noticed how more men are good using logic(scientist,maths)and majority of language and drama teachers are female(emotions)I am not doubTing this but how can a women be so good in subjects like math and chemistry and some men being so good at acting and drama (Shakespeare)?

Chase Amante's picture

Emotions and Logic

Author

Hi Anon,

Well, we're talking in generalities rather than absolutes - you will indeed see some very emotional men, including men with whom straight logic without an emotional basis seems to hold no sway. And likewise, you'll see some incredibly logical women, even women who just don't "get" emotions or overly emotional people.

These individuals are rather uncommon, but you WILL meet them... and you essentially need to treat a woman with masculine tendencies like you would a male, and a man with feminine tendencies like you would a female. You'll go crazy trying to treat an emotional man like a normal man, and you'll drive HER crazy treating a logical woman like you would a normal woman.

But, most of the time, with typical hormonal levels and brain layouts, people behave consistent with their sexes. So, think of these as "most of the times" rather than "all of the times."

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Hey Chase ,another great


Hey Chase ,another great insight.chase I have taken part in masturbation for quite some time now. As much as I would like to stop I can't it's like I am addicted to it .I feel like it is holding me back from being in control if my life ,getting women ,and fulfilling my potential .what can I do?

Chase Amante's picture

Masturbation

Author

Hey Anon,

A little bit of this can be okay for keeping your sex drive up in a dry spell, or for releasing tension, but if you do it too much it robs you of your motivation and much of your sexual vibe.

If you want to stop doing it, get rid of any materials you have enabling it (e.g., pornography collections, etc.), and tell yourself you're not allowed to masturbate anymore, and that the only way for you to get release is with a woman. You might give yourself a pass - once every two weeks or so - if your pickup skills aren't quite there yet and it's taking you a little while to get a new girl.

But, if you can quit relieving yourself and train yourself to see women as your only release, this can be a very effective way for channeling a strong sex drive into actual sex - that is to say, you start approaching like crazy, putting as much time into game as you need to, and upping your persistence and hard sell abilities simply to get to where you need to get to with girls - you and them in bed, namely.

Cheers,
Chase

K's picture

Time Efficiency


Hey Chase!

Thank you so much for this website. It is truthfully the only comprehensive "how to live life" site that takes a logical approach to everything. I especially enjoyed the "Are you smart post". The difference between hard working and smart is truly all important. It would be amazing if you could get a post up here about how to be incredibly time efficient, so that we can learn how to really maximize the effectiveness of our work.

Thanks again,

K

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Time Efficiency

Author

Hey K,

Sure - that's a little off the main subject matter, but it'd make for a fun and interesting subject to write on. I'll get one up on it.

Meantime, one quick and dirty trick: look where the biggest chunks of your time are going every day, and ask yourself if these things are necessary and useful, and if they merit the time investment they're getting. If not, see what you can do to cut them out partially or entirely - and all of a sudden, you've got a lot more time to play with. Simple exercise, but you've actually got to sit down and do it, and that's where most people come up short.

Chase

Superman's picture

Handling logistics


Hey chase, great article, but I have some questions on logistics and was just wondering if you could go a bit in depth about how to propose a place to meet to a girl that lives a bit far away. I'm most comfortable approaching at a few local malls that have a lot of cute girls, however they tend to live about 15-25min away from me. Usually I suggest meeting at a Starbucks or something halfway in between us both, but sometimes I fumble with suggesting a place that's good for us both. I was wondering if you could comment about meeting girls "halfway" between where we both live, or would it just be better to suggest that she picks me up? or that I should just pick her up? Also, do you think it's easier to escalate with a girl that drove to your place? Since then you can always just do a bit of push-pull and tell her to leave and she will feel free to when you're escalating?

Chase Amante's picture

Logistics

Author

Hey Superman,

You want girls coming as close to you as possible, ideally. The easier it is to go from the date location to your place, the easier a time you'll have. 15 to 25 minutes isn't a terribly long drive, and you're probably fine proposing something close to where you live - just oversell it. e.g., "There's this really amazing cafe with the best frappuccinos I've ever had in my life up in [location]; have you been there before?"

If she's hesitant to meet you near your place for one reason or another, you can either do a shorter date midway, then end it after an hour or two and schedule another date closer (or dinner at your place) the next time, or (if you have enough women / things to do, and it isn't worth chasing some girl all over town and going through multiple dates for any one woman) you can always call it off and see if she's more open to meeting you closer another time.

Also keep in mind, unless you're telling girls where you live, they aren't going to know, so they don't know if the place you're proposing is next to your building, or halfway between their place and yours.

Chase

Eric Reeves's picture

I have the worst logistics


I have this worse, but it doesn't seem to be a problem for me.

I live in the mountains, 15 minutes out from the closest city (which happens to be a rich one filled with cougars), and 25 min out from the nearest mall.

I don't see it as a big deal, I just drive over.

Meet up for coffee, and you can probe a little to see if she lives alone or not:

"Oh, where do you live?"
"so and so"
"have you moved out yet"

etc etc.

To get over to her place you can be like, "Hey, I've got an idea.. I'll just pickup some ice cream and meet you at yours."

To get good logistics when there are none, ask her out for coffee and then just lead her straight to your car. "Let's go", if she resists, "I don't like crowded places, plus I have heating and music in my car :)".

Don't screw up by sitting down somewhere in the shop.. it's MUCH harder to move and escalate once you've already settled down.

Anonymous's picture

Persitence


Hey Chase!

Ever since i started reading your posts my game has improved drastically! I'm getting women throw themselves at me and chase after me but i seem to have a problem with this woman i particularly want. She's the type of girl who i would want a long term relationship with, everything gone smoothly, she texts me first allways, weather it be late at night or early in the morning. she's a Shy-Excited kind of girl. So i asked her out and she said she'll "think about it". I'm trying my best not to chase but be persistent but its really hard to draw the line between the two, should i continue to ask for the date or is my mental approach wrong? I seem to screw up with most women i want but always get the women i want to play around with chasing me. This is when i turn the cards!

Really looking Forward to you reply
Student of the game.

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Persistence

Author

Hey Anon,

Fantastic to hear about your progress! "I'll think about it" is a "that's not what I'm looking for out of this relationship"-type response, which is probably an indication she now sees this is as a friendship / texting buddy type scenario. Check out these articles on texting so you don't end up here with future girls:

... but basically, you're best served sticking to using text almost exclusively for setting up dates and logistics, not for text message banter / text conversations / etc.

This girl seems to be enjoying the value you provide to her as a friend, so taking that away might motivate her to step it up and realize that if she wants part of you, she's got to accept the whole package. So, if she won't go out with you, tell her, "No worries, some other time," and then ignore friendly / conversational texts, or text back much later than normal with something more subdued: "Hey, sorry, just seeing this. That's great, congrats!"

Imagine how you'd be writing her if she was still texting you and you'd just met the girl of your dreams, took her to bed, and were now head-over-heels in love with her and couldn't stop thinking about her (or seeing her and sleeping with her). Now this girl texts, and you've got to write her back. Write her that way. If you do a good job, she'll know something's up, but you'll just play it off like you've been busy.

See if you can leverage that into something - and keep meeting new women in the meantime.

Cheers,
Chase

Nino's picture

Thanks a lot Chase


Hello Chase, thanks so much for spending time writing and sharing all these wonderful stuff. I came across this site while being in kind of a desperated mood after getting friendzoned by a girl I really appreciated and treasured, and reading all these articles really helped me see through things, figure out where I went wrong and become determined to not ever be that 'nice guy' ever again. (actually now I'm pretty thankful to her for that rejection, which provided just the right motivation for me to stand up and work really hard on self-improving, lol). I know its a little too much talking about myself, just wanna share my story and say thank you to the man that showed me the right way to go, both with women and in life :d.
What I'm going to discuss is kinda off-topic, but I think you can give me some good insights on. Firstly, if I follow it right, during your years working to improve in pick-up, you did have a few longlasting relationships. So how do you keep working on your game while already having settled with a girl, I'm talking about the case that your girl doesnt sound fine with you going out approaching and sleeping with other women, and she's gonna be really mad if she finds out.
Another thing is about following your passion. I really love basketball and often go out practicing at the court nearby, which gathers a lot of guys considered the bests in the city. I have this mindset that you need to play with the best in order to improve quickly and efficently, as all the flaws in your game will be exposed mercilessly. However, the problem is that I'm not at their level yet, and some of them are not really friendly, I mean they'll look down on me, give me lots of hard words whenever I make a mistake, in a humiliating way, not supporting. Of course I can have fun and enjoy the game more with other guys at a intermediate level, but I try to swallow it all for the sake of improving, and it for sure doesnt feel any good. I need your advice on whats the right thing to do, I mean I'm all for finding the best way to keep improving in anything I do, but is it happiness what we chase for going after our passion?
Hope you can help me clear these out, and again I owed you a lot for being who I'm now ;).
Lots of luck.

Chase Amante's picture

Continuing to Improve

Author

Hey Nino,

Different Nino than the one on the forums, right? We've got a Nino there who's been posting some great stuff on his progress too, but I gather you just happen to share the same name.

On picking up while maintaining relationships, I followed a rather unique relationship structure of unilateral monogamy during my first four years of learning pickup where I'd be very bluntly open with a girlfriend about me not being exclusive with her, including going into specifics if she asked, while she remained exclusive to me. There's a great deal of nuance to this, and even with the best handling it still leads to a lot of drama periodically, but if you can handle drama very well you can make it work. I altered my relationship model in 2010 to a less blunt, more implied version of this model.

Anyway, this model is doable, but I don't recommend it for most guys simply because of its difficulty in pulling off and because I haven't had anyone I taught it to be able to maintain it or replicate my success with it (they either will get worn down by the drama, or they'll have enough of it and end things with the girl). Ricardus has a more "conventional" approach to open relationships here: How to Date Multiple Women (with Zero Drama). I might advise you to follow that one for the best balance between keeping women in your life while continuing to hone your skill set.

On bettering yourself at basketball: how often do you practice alone? I'd mix in a lot of solo practice with game time. Reason being, that way you can target whatever you most recently struggled with. e.g., if you get a lot of flack from guys on missing a layup, you then go out the next 2 days and practice 500 layups all in that part of the court you missed the shot in. And then you play with those guys again.

By taking a mix of game and solo practice, you get the experience you can only get with other players, and then work on the mechanics you can best improve through large amounts of repetition on your own.

Chase

Funman's picture

4 Questions


Hi Chase,
Interesting article. I have to questions for you.

1)I have female friends who go out on dates , many of them use online dating as well. I ask them would you go on a 2nd date with this guy and their response is “No, all he wanted from me was sex”. I am assuming they are conveying sexual neediness.

2) Would your advice be different if you met a girl from online dating?

3) What are your views in this situation when a girl doesn't want to see a guy again because he wanted to have sex on the first date?

4) There are other coaches who recommend not having sex on the first date and use the term “leave her wanting more”. You are not a needy boy but a man who is in control etc.In fact there is even a guy who wrote on ebook
http://www.3d2xmethod.com/

What are views on this advice?

Thanks in advance.

Chase Amante's picture

Re: 4 Questions

Author

Hey Funman,

On your questions:

1: Yes, that's if the guy's sexually needy and not appealing to the girl. If the guy wants sex from her, but she also wants sex from him, she isn't going to complain that he only wanted sex (unless he sends her into auto-rejection.

2: For online: no, absolutely not! I noticed sometime back that just about every girl I met off of online was already ready for sex almost as soon as I met her; I compared notes with some other guys I knew who were active in online dating, and they'd found exactly the same thing. Online girls are the "layups" of seduction - if you can get her out to meet you, most of the work is already done. If anything, I'd recommend moving even faster with girls you meet online - have her meet you at your place, where possible.

3: If a girl doesn't want to see a guy again because he wanted sex on the first date, as in 1 - it's either because she didn't like him sexually (e.g., she'd rather have him in orbit), or because he missed an escalation window and she's auto-rejected him.

4: The advice of "leave her wanting more" is well intentioned, but it's destructive advice. Typically speaking, anything you can do in 3 dates you can do in 1, but much of what you can do in 1 date you cannot do in 3. The more time and the greater the number of steps you introduce between meeting a girl and taking her to bed, the higher the odds are that life intervenes. Check this article out for a lot more detail on this: How to Get Girls: The Last Post You'll Ever Need.

The other problem with introducing multiple dates is that it puts you firmly in boyfriend territory - and the more she sees you as a boyfriend, and the less as a lover, the more resistance you're going to get, the less certain she's going to become that she's "ready" to go to bed with you, and the more time gets added and steps increase and the greater the opportunity there is for mistakes to happen, life to intervene, or her interest to simply expire (see: Attraction Has an Expiration Date).

Ultimately, the more you make your aim "sex on the first date," as unclassy as that may sound, the more likely you are to actually get together with girls than with "sex on the third date" or "sex on any other date" - and the better a tone you'll set for your future relationship, too (more attraction and respect and being seen as more of a man for bedding her more quickly). You might have a learning curve as you adapt to moving faster if you're accustomed to more dates, and you might lose a few girls in the process, but where you'll end up being ultimately is much better able to take the girls you most desire as yours.

Cheers,
Chase

Funman's picture

3 more...


Thanks for the quick response.

1) Would you recommend moving fast with girls whom a person meets during the day time. The reason i ask is during the day time the interaction is a very short one usually. Not much rapport etc.

2) Secondly, sometimes girls may have plans in the evenings but may be available for morning or afternoon dates. How do you project a seductive vibe in a cafe/ park etc because these places don't have music etc? the environments don't seem seductive like a lounge......

3) This question I am asking in reference to your answer # 3 above. Sometimes when a girl doesnt call a guy back after date # 1, are you saying she had no sexual attraction towards him from the right from the beginning? and she had no intentions of sleeping with him at all? May be she just went on a date or dates to enjoy some food/ movie experience etc?

4) Would you be releasing new products in the future? what topics? Any product about dates?

I have purchased your book and the conversation program. Everything from your website articles to your products is very insightful.

Sincere Thanks for the effort you put in for your readers/ customers.

Franco's picture

I'll help Chase out on some of these last questions...


Hey Funman,

To answer your questions...

1) You always want to move fast with women. Once you begin to do it, you realize there is really no scenario or circumstance that you should move slowly with any girl you've just met. Rapport does not need to be built heavily during the initial interaction; if you have enough of a sexy vibe and you move her quickly and get her phone number quickly, you can still set up a date and build rapport there.

2) Environment plays almost no role in your "vibe." A guy who is sexy could probably charm a girl in a sewer if he knows how to evoke the right emotions in her.

3) No, a girl will pretty much never go on a date for fun. Chase means that the guy did not come across as sexually attractive enough that she decided pretty early on that he was not the type of guy she would take home and have sex with. You need to be sexual and progressing things forward from the second you see her.

4) I get the feeling there are plenty of blogs you haven't read on this website yet! Make sure to at least read the ones on right-hand side of the page under the column "Must Reads." These will answer many of your questions. =)

Cheers!

- Franco

Chase Amante's picture

Re: 3 more...

Author

Hi Funman,

Franco already covered most of these. A few other points-

On daytime dates: actually, these are my preferred time for dating, personally. Most guys I know do prefer nighttime, because it's easier to get the right vibe going; I prefer daytime, because I feel that the right vibe used during the daytime is both more powerful (because it's unexpected) and not as likely to raise any logical "alerts" (e.g., a woman may think at night, "Uh oh, I'd better be careful! I'm getting pretty turned on around this guy, and it's late at night!" During the day, she's more likely to think, "Mmm... this guy is turning me on... but that's okay, it's daytime, so what could happen? I might as well just enjoy the feeling..."). Generally speaking, the more you can break patterns and get outside of a girl's expectations for how things "should" go, while still progressing things rapidly, the easier a time of them you'll have.

On products: I have a relationship book I'm developing, but I've put it on hold since I can't get a book deal for it. Apparently, according to the 30 or so book agents I've reached out to, the topic is appealing and seems pretty solid, but is too controversial. *shrug* So, I'm working on scaling up site revenue and building GC up more as a platform for now, and I'll worry about finishing and launching the book later. I also have a skunk works project going on called "One Date," which has some pretty neat things in it I haven't seen done anywhere else, but I'm not ready to work on filming it yet - I don't want to do that one until the site has the revenues to get a proper filming studio and get a really high quality production put together, and it isn't quite there yet.

For now, it's nose-to-the-grindstone, build-the-business time; more products are to come, but it all depends on how soon I can get things operating at a higher level around here.

Chase

Geoff's picture

One last tidbit


Commenting on the day game, I've read that women are they're most horniest around two in the afternoon. Definitely a different time than that of a guy's which is in the morning. Another thing is that women generally are in one mode at a time. What I mean is that they generally don't think about sex all the time like us guys do( unless they are a nympho, etc). If they're studying, they're in "study mode". If they're washing dishes, they're in "washing dishes or cleaning" mode. That being said, it's up to us, the guys, to evoke a mindstate( based off our deameanor, actions, etc) in a woman sexually before we can get there.
To Chase, I want to thank you so much for you're blog. It's truly opened my eyes to the reality, and helped me get to the middle and right balance between mainstream and pickup mentality. Ive been following your articles for almost a year now, and frankly,as a 20-year old, I see myself miles ahead of my piers. Even tho I've only been actively aware of how to pursue women for almost 2 years now, I still continue to hit my plateau and start from square one. I've been fortunate enough to rely on your blog and Ebook as a resource whenever I catch myself slipping away. Thank you for all you do, I wish you the best and Happy Holidays!

BOOM!!!

-Geoff

CatchMeIfYouCan's picture

Living Arrangment


Hey Chase,

I'm a new member and wanna say what a great site and article this is, thank you!

I'm a college student who works full-time; and my daughter and I currently share an apartment (and split all expenses) with my older brother and mother.

I've had my fair share of one night stands, but have never brought any of them back to my actual home to have sex with.

I recently asked out an ex-coworker of mine the day after my last day working there, and she said yes. Along with the sex, I''d like to have an actual relationship with this woman.

We have a date scheduled for tonight, close to my home, and of course I intend to have sex with her....just not sure where.

My home (family is aware of date and would evacuate the house to further my cause), a hotel as you suggested, or her place (not sure of her living arrangment).

I know that my living arrangment will come up at some point, as will hers. How would you suggest I proceed with addressing it to ensure I still get the job done?

I mean, will her finding out about my living arrangment impact my chances of sex and a relationship with her (especially if she lives alone)?

Also, how can having my child living with me 100% of the time impact my chances (especially if she has no children, which she doesn't)? How would you suggest i proceed with addressing this as well?

All of your responses are very much appreciated! Thanks, Chase, keep up the great work!

tommyangelo's picture

How much sex appeal needed?


Hi chase,
Greate Article!

I am a little bit confused though. I tried the sex on the first date thing and wow it worked. But, I am sure that I can not pull it off to often. The lattest date I wasn't able to get that far.

In your post "How to be a sexy man" you said that in order to be able to make things going fast you have to be a sexy man. What if you are not there yet? How much attraction compared to comfort or deep rapport you need, to not fall into a friend zone or to not come across as to needy?

I do a lot of daygame and struggle with creating attraction during the date. Especially if the date is during day time.

So is it maybe better to go for 2 dates rather then trying to hard on the first date?

Greets,

Tommy

Andre's picture

How to go to women's house


I have a simple question for you Chase, however I will annoy you with a little storytelling (I'm kidding I follow the literary standards in telling stories). Yesterday it was one of my friends birthday and she invited me in a bar near times square. I accepted the invitation and went there. I was socializing with the friends of my friend and there were in the bar some girls who go to my college. These girls were being very stupid, meaning I was talking to them and they were acting uninterested and were eying me when i was not paying attention. I got bored of this situation and went to other parts of the bar until I met an aussie woman who had landed in nyc three hours prior. (Hot girl, an inch taller than me, I'm 6ft). So when we finished the cigarette, I took her to the bar, we had to wait like forever to get a beer, but it's usual nyc, she paid for it, which was great. And I took her to a table nearby (That's your tricks, thanks). After that I proposed we go to times sq, she having never been to nyc accepted, so I said bye to my friends and left with the aussie. Now on our way there we were jaywalking a lot and i told her we were risking $150, and also I was telling cars to stop using my hand and they did, while we were crossing (It's something I have recently started adopting and it works). I took her to times sq and we were talking, she mentioned smth abt her boyfriend but I usually dont pay attention to boyfriend talk. Then she said she wanted to go home and sleep since her mom was coming tmr, and had to get up early, I said I was going to walk her to the hotel, not far from times sq, thinking we were going together, which did not happen. While accompanying her to the hotel door, I told her I needed to use the bathroom. she asked the doorman if I could use the hall to which the dorman replied no.
So in thinking what went wrong I realized, that I had touched her minimally, and I also think in hindsight, I should have gone for the kiss in times sq.
So my question to you is, How do you get to go to girls houses? Same logistics as your own house? Where should you go for the kiss?

Thanks in advance
and thanks for your advices also
Andre

Megan Wilson's picture

No sex on the first meeting


No sex on the first meeting or date whatever doesn't work. It makes things much worse!! The guy will DUMP you quicker than the speed of light or disrespect you and treat you like a nasty cum dumpster and talk smack behind your back. I know from personal experience. Guys wouldn't even waste their time with me if I fucked too quickly. It's like they WANT you to make them wait they want the fucking challenge and if you spread your legs too quickly they leave and will hate you or be disgusted by you. And women will also hate you if you have sex with a guy too soon. It's just how this shity socieTy is.

Annaismyname's picture

Thanks Author


I am a female and I do find that this text has some good points, and I like how it is written in a way that it helps those men who may be looking for harmless casual sexual encounters, while also ensuring the woman is treated respectfully rather then through pressuring them into it. That while it does outline certain procedures in securing intercourse on the first date, it is professional- so that it does not cause offence to either gender. We live in an ever-adaptive society, were we are slowly worming out the lingering constrictions to both sexes, e.g. women cannot have sex too soon or they could be judged by those around them or even that sexual partner, as being to easy, or a 'slut'. I think the problem is, that some men assume that women don't want to just have casual sex unless they are 'easy'. Women enjoy sex. Plain and simple. Some women prefer longer lasting arrangements, and some want a one-nighter just as much as the next guy. I am 17, and in high school, (so it is fair to say my views may not be necessary or welcome) this is were we start to learn how to interact with the opposite sex at a level such as this. We are put through the societal constraints that entail we have to conform to a certain set of unwritten rules, (Holding off from having sex to soon etc) or we will most likely be put into categories- good girls/bad girls. Now I realise my comment is starting to sound like some feminist rant, but in the long run what I am trying to say is... Basically girls like sex. That comes from being able to have an orgasm (obviously). I just wanted to say, that girls are not always emotionally tangled creatures that want nothing but long relationships, marriage and babies. The reason that we hold back is because that is what has been drilled into our minds through the use of our parents, peers, the media, entertainment and our social environment. In the conclusion I just wanted to thank the author for writing a text that doesn't hold women as objects to be conquered, but rather a guide on how to get down to business faster. Though I like most of the points and the well constructed guidelines, I don't believe that it will work on women who lack body-confidence, are self-concious, or who may still be a virgin. A few of my friend had lost their virginities though being pressured and still regret it, some others did not go with someone who they barely new, but someone they were more comfortable with. I apologise if I have offended anyone, or have based my statement on some stereotypical male views that differ from your own.

Thanks,
Anna

Victoria's picture

Spot On Article


Hi there,

I'm so appreciative of your highlighting the issue that "only sluts put out on the first date." I absolutely hate that saying and I used to be very concerned with that. I wanted to share a personal anecdote that relates to this article.

I consider myself a selective woman and I've only had a few sexual partners. My last and current interest, however, was a guy I slept with on the first date. I had been considering whether I was very attracted to him all evening and we went back to his house and he sarcastically asked if he could kiss me, almost in a way that was exasperated like "what are you still doing here if you don't want to hook up" kind of way, which made me realize I really did want him. And since he kissed really well, I felt much more comfortable staying for "just a little bit." Of course "a little bit" turned into "all night," but I don't feel that he tricked me, I think he just played all the right moves to get me in bed with him. I moved across the country, but somehow we started talking again and I'm planning on visiting for a weekend because I'm so sexually interested in him (even though I'm aware that he sleeps with other women, somehow I find that heightens his worth). I'm totally chasing and feel like an example woman on this website; I'm a feminist's worst nightmare.

Is that bad that I fall into the traps detailed in this website, even though I know I'm doing so? Do men really want a woman who chases (providing she's a catch)? I worry sometimes a man will get tired of being chased; goodness knows as a woman I get tired of it.

Anyhow, in short this guy must read your website or be the author of some of these articles, because I'm finding myself doing everything with him that I wouldn't consider with another guy (sex on the first date, sexting, making an effort, etc).

All in all I found this article really interesting. And thanks for a comment section.

- V

Hector Castillo's picture

A Unique Perspective


This is awesome to read. Your honesty is refreshing, Victoria.

You're going to have to ask yourself what "bad" means. Is it unconventional? Certainly. Does the power dynamic place you in the submissive role? Certainly.

But does it make you happy? This is the question that only you can answer. If you enjoy the thrill of finding a man who can excite you the way he can, is the loss of power in the relationship worth it? This site and others argue that, yes, it's worth it for you and women are naturally inclined to enjoy the submissive role. Of course, the naturalistic fallacy applies here - just because it's natural doesn't necessarily make it right or wrong. So, again, the question is...

Do you *enjoy* the power dynamic? Do you *enjoy* chasing? When that tension that precedes being with this man finally erupts during an orgasm or even a kiss, do you find yourself happier than most other times in your life?

If so, chase on.

- Anatman

Anonymous's picture

first date sex


this is very accurate, idk, i'm pretty goodlooking dude and my problem is women hit on me all the time LOL, one time this very hottie at a club (men and women can use the same restroom) told me she was horny LOL.....i didn't have a place, biggest blunder ever, but the porn has gotten so damn good that i'm like why should i have to figure out how to get rid of her afterwards

LittleLady's picture

First date sex


Im not sure with the emotional part. Woman are fragile creatures do you think a woman does not get emotionally attached after sex? I think you should put in this article something about not using the emotional route unless you actually have feelings for the person. By definition :seduction ;is changing an answer to a simple question from a no to a yes and of course the question would be do you want to have sex? I dont think there is a woman alive who would disagree that having sex with someone becuase you think they like you and finding out they were just using you to get their "jollies off" is not a good feeling. AT ALL.

Paul96's picture

Plausible deniability


I am trying my best to follow this structure, but I have still never got laid from a date! My dates go along these lines, I get her chasing me from the start eventually she is super into me, I purposely don't kiss her the whole date or make it obvious I am sexually attracted to her to leave plausible deniability, then at the end I pull over the taxi and they NEVER get in, they come up with a billion excuses at once... I'm to tired, I have work tomorrow etc literally don't know what I'm doing wrong, maybe they see it as I am going to ambush them since I haven't kissed them or made my sexual intent clear, but then again... If I do it wrecks the plausible deniability? Any tips chase or anyone else? Brilliant article though, I have to cut back on how many I read though and get out practicing my skills more infield, they're that good chase!

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