How to Be a Good Kisser: 5 Steps to Confident Kissing

Something that everyone I coach always wants to know is how to be a good kisser. How do you kiss so well, so luxuriously, so lustily, so confidently, and so well that your partner looks at you after and just says, “Wow”?

how to be a good kisser

Confident kissing is not only the mark of a man who can kiss well, it is the mark of a man who can win over women without need for words. It is little shock then that the way you kiss a woman can make or break her very perception of your character, and effect whether she will hang around or not.

It is a fortunate thing then that I am about to throw you in the deep end and drown you in the techniques that will have her begging for more.

I am going to run you through some aspects of kissing rather quickly, so fasten your seat belts and let your imaginations wander and do work! I will start with mindsets, then move to what is important: techniques to ensure you pull that off, and then advanced. I hope you all don’t mind me forcing you to keep up, but the way I see it, if you really want to kiss right, let us not mess around, let us get stuck in, and get those girls thinking “what a man”!

how to be a good kisser

Step #1: Permission

The truth is, for most girls, kissing is a simple and innocent pleasure that doesn’t threaten any real social repercussions. Instead of thinking of a kiss as a signal that a girl likes you and will jump into bed with you, look at a kiss like it is so innocent that it is unlikely to ever come back to bite her. This will help you view kissing as not a big deal, and it will help make you a better kisser by reducing your nerves and getting you on the same page as her.

Don’t waste time wondering about permission... look for opportunities where a willing girl might enjoy a guilt-free boost of pleasure, in the form of a kiss.

Step #2: Higher Standards

As men, we tend to be lazy when it comes to what we expect from ourselves as lovers: we look at a girl and say “well, she is hot enough, now I just need to find out what she wants so I can get to it”. Don’t think like this when it comes to kissing, because the woman shouldn’t hold all the cards, and you doing barely enough gives her all the cards. To make a situation sexy and chemistry-filled, you need more than permission, you need to go beyond complacency, and you need to get in touch with her feelings, emotions, and truer desires – you need to blow her mind and hit her with far more than the usual.

how to be a good kisser

Want to know how to be a good kisser? You want to start looking at it more detailed than “does she want me to kiss her”, and you need to start asking questions like “How? Why? Where? When?” and even beyond those, start perceiving “what kind of desires does she really want me to fulfill”. The end aim is not just simply having permission, but having the guts to take a guess, be creative, and take chances that will blow her mind.

how to be a good kisser

Step #3: Baiting the Kiss

Nobody wants to initiate the kiss. What do we do to solve this problem? We do it LITTLE by LITTLE, so that the other person REVEALS they wanted to initiate, and you can reveal just a little more that YOU wanted to initiate, until finally, after a long back and forth, you are kissing. If you initiate a kiss entirely by yourself, you put the woman in a position of having not expressed her desire to kiss you, and that doesn’t feel as good for her. Make the kiss incremental so she has a chance to display her desire for you.

It is very important to make women display their desires, subtly and slowly, so that you can dance back and forth towards slowly kissing. Without this dance, even if you know all the mechanics of how to kiss a girl inside and out, your kisses will never be as powerful, sensual, and moving as they can be. You must tempt, tease, and make her wonder.

Step #4: The Slower the Better

Usually, as a rule of thumb, the slower the lead in to the kiss is, the better.

how to be a good kisser

This is because you are much more in control of the dynamic of SLOWLY revealing each other’s intentions. The less you reveal of each other’s intention to initiate, the more intense the kiss becomes. This tense state can become exhilarating, and it can backfire at any moment also if you flinch or crumble.

Step #5: Keep it Steady

It’s a difficult thing to admit, but sometimes we are too eager and it REALLY bites us in the ass. Even girls that LIKE YOU will reel back a little and say “hang on, there is something wrong here” if you are too eager. Admit just a little attraction at a time. And if all else fails and all your cards are laid out on the table so to speak, recover in the following ways:

  1. Get new cards (this means you literally change your opinion and come back fresh).
  1. Change the cards on the table (this is tricky, but basically, you change a person’s perspective on the cards they see, e.g. “no this is actually a really special hand.”).
  1. Make the cards disappear quickly and hope they don’t remember.
  1. Slowly take the cards back, shuffle them, change your opinion, recompose yourself, and give yourself a sense of mystery for a while until they are clueless as to what you are now thinking.
  1. Take a few cards back, as “mistakes”, and then, a bit later, take a few more back, leaving only the most favourable one on the table.

You have to be graceful, composed, and tease them back into the field of play.

how to be a good kisser

The biggest part of learning how to be a good kisser is learning to retain plausible deniability for initiating the kiss, and to always give HER a way to plausibly deny kissing you. If everything is exposed, it makes it very hard for people to assume the best of us. And to keep a kiss simmering with that spark, it’s always important to keep people’s perceptions the best they can possibly be by enabling them with plausible deniability for having kissed you. Do not try to make a woman show herself with your kiss, but rather allow her to be whoever she wants to be when kissing you by not forcing on her any necessity to show overly obvious affection for you.

Here are some dangerous moves that will supercharge your ability to keep plausible deniability in your kisses:

Move #1: The Silent Stand

This involves you wavering just before a woman’s lips and looking her in the eyes – where you are both trying to figure out if you are going to kiss or not. This is a bad boy move where you are gently confronting or challenging her to make a signal that she wants you.

Move #2: The Close Miss

During a seemingly normal interaction, your lips get close enough to hers that she starts to THINK that you are going to kiss her, so leaps into action to kiss you for a moment before she realises you weren’t actually intending to kiss her. This is killer when there is a bench behind her where she’s keeping an object like her water bottle.

Move #3: The Slow Drift

This is when both of your awareness moves to wanting more than what you are currently doing. You might be holding her in a hug... and she lingers a little longer, and then you linger a little longer, and then she lingers longer, and you the same... You both are still and, slowly, slowly, just moving your lips closer and closer, following what feelings you feel in her and she in you, your lips finally meet.

how to be a good kisser

Move #4: Increasing the Intensity with Breath

When a person’s breath becomes whispered and more audible, even when just breathing in and out, it tends to indicate that that person is hot for you. Mostly this is used during kissing, and it tends to stir it into higher intensity. However, it can also be used to initiate a kiss. This is frequently a clear mark of a good kisser. It is best with a girl you are already kissing though, as it can be done incorrectly if you aren’t already strongly connected with her.

Move #5: Repositioning Her Body Language

This can occur by simply taking her hand and moving it around, or moving her onto a chair or a stool that is behind her, maybe doing something with her hair, or changing how close you are standing to each other. This can be seen as an initiator of a kiss, because often people follow these kinds of things with a kiss, so you will find that her awareness heightens to the possibility that you might just kiss her.

how to be a good kisser

Scene Creation

When you kiss a woman it’s also important that you understand more than just the kiss but also the fantasy of kissing a man like you. You might not think yourself a big bad ass fantasy, but if a girl likes you, she likely thinks you are something amazing, so why disappoint her?

Turn on her MIND by making her get what she deeply desires from your archetype.

  • Cup her face with one of your hands or both

  • Pull her body in closer (one hand in the small of the back and bring her hips to yours)

  • Take small breaks to look up into her eyes (tilt your head forwards)

  • Breathe out with a ‘shudder’

Make sure that while you are embracing the woman during the kiss you bind certain parts of her, tug on bits of clothing, smile a little, tease her, and focus on the textures and feelings you are passing on to her.

If you are doing all these things you can’t really go too wrong:

  1. Maintain plausible deniability
  1. Make the kiss slower
  1. Be creative with the scene, with the things you do outside of the kiss

how to be a good kisser

Kissing is one of the simplest things in the world, and figuring out how to be a good kisser is a challenge to you not because you risk failure, but because you risk LESS success than you are capable of. Use these tools I have just briefed you on to think about and super charge your potential as a kisser. Don’t let average seem like it is good enough for you, have the attitude inside yourself that only the best kisses beyond imagination could satisfy YOUR standards for what a kiss should be. Blow women’s minds and accept no less than having them drool at the idea of getting kissed by you.

Never be complacent about kissing women and you will always need less and less permission to kiss girls, because they will absolutely be waiting to dive on you. Now you only have one problem left: you have to find a girl to practice on. Luckily, kisses are innocent enough, so you only need a girl that won’t mind.

Get on it and go have some fun!


Cody LyansAbout the Author: Cody Lyans

Girls Chase’s resident “man of mystery”, Cody shows shy, quiet guys how to turn these traits into assets. Girls call his style “cool and calibrated”; he’s adept at smoothly meeting girls everywhere from the beach to the dance floor. Cody prides himself on versatility, and specializes in both fast (~20 minute) hookups, and slow, sensual seductions. Book a phone coaching session with Cody today to learn from him directly.


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Cosmo Politan's picture

This was a well-written and useful article, Cody. I think I can get a lot out of it. One question I have is how does this relate to Chase's three transitions on kissing (romantic, spontaneous, and sexual)?

Cosmo Politan

Marty's picture

Great read, Cody! I had my head in my hands for most of it as I realized I'd committed just about every error detailed in the article...

The bright side is that now I know what I need to fix! Haha!


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