How to Ask a Girl Out (the 8 Great Steps to "Yes!")


how to ask a girl outA little after I'd turned 14 years old, I asked a girl out for the first time. I walked up to her in front of the entire school, and flat out asked her to go to the school dance at the end of the year with me.

She was the prettiest, most popular girl in school, and she'd flirted with me and chased after me hard for close to a year -- in fact, she'd already asked me out about 6 months earlier (I'd been too scared to say "yes"). But by the time I finally asked her out, she'd largely given up on me -- the window had passed, and she'd moved on.

I didn't know about escalation windows at the time, though I guessed something like that might be the case -- and sure enough, she said "no," albeit in a very socially gracious way. She told me she wanted "to be friends first," which I knew meant we weren't going to the dance together.

The reason I share this story with you is because what I want to talk about with you in this post today is how to ask a girl out -- and my 14 year old self got it all wrong. I'd been planning to write a post on this for some time, but a reader just wrote in asking about this one specifically -- so, I'll put this one off no longer. He says:

Man chase I really have been in a funk lately. I'm back in school and I feel like a social retard now lol! I need some advice, I really need help with asking girls out on dates and what that actually looks like you know? I'm reading your articles and a lot of it is making sense but closing the deal and getting dates is weird for me. I guess I really haven't actually asked a girl out on a proper date before my last GF I got with because I was able to escalate things with her fast.

Hey brother, I'm glad to oblige. In answer to your question, I present to you (and all the other cats out there with the same thing on their minds) this post, which will teach you -- emphatically, unequivocally, and without fluff, huff, or pomp of any kind -- how to ask a girl out... and always (or almost always, anyway!) get a "yes."

 

how to ask a girl out

I'm planning on going fairly in-depth into helping you to get yourself schooled up and solid enough on the topic of how to ask a girl out and get a "yes" in this post. We're going to cover a lot of ground here today.

So on that note, I've split this article up into two subsections. That way, if you're just skimming for the main points, or don't have a lot of time to get all the way through it all, you can take a look through these 3 most vital points now, and then you can come back to the rest later when you have more time or need more tips.

Let's dive into the 3 essential tips you can start using right away to start getting you some "yes"es.

 

How to Ask a Girl Out: Strike While the Iron's Hot

This one ought to be obvious enough just from that story of mine I shared at the start of this post -- wait too long and the window closes.

But yet, no matter how many times this happens to a guy, many guys keep making this same mistake. I know it sure plagued me for a long time.

That mistake, of course, is the mistake of waiting to ask a girl out until it's too late.

In other words, the guy who's sitting around, biding his time, waiting for the "perfect moment"... and then of course he ends up waiting forever, because the "perfect moment" never arrives.

How often have you had a girl you really liked, that you were waiting for the "perfect moment" to ask out? Probably pretty often, right? If you're like I used to be back in school, you probably have 1 or 2 girls at all times that you're just waiting for the right moment for... and you might very well end up waiting on that moment forever.

Well, new news: women don't wait around forever. They've got options. Competition's fierce.

What that means for you is, if you wait around, you don't get the girl.

On top of that, because attraction has an expiration date, the longer you wait to make something happen with a woman, the lesser her attraction for you becomes -- and the more likely she is to be closed off to doing anything with you.

That means, you ought to ask girls out soon. Like, as soon as you realize you like them, just about, you ask them out. Not a week after you decide you like a girl; not a month later. You ask her out within a few days of realizing you'd like to ask her out -- preferably, you ask her out within a few minutes of realizing you'd like to ask her out.

The less time elapses between the moment you realize you'd like to ask a girl out, and the moment you start your feet moving to go over to talk to her and ask her out, the higher the likelihood is that both A) you ask her out at all, ever, and B) she says "yes."

And I know, that's a little intimidating -- especially if she's really cute and you like her a lot. "Because," you might ask yourself, "what if she says 'no?'"

But here's something else to think about -- what if you never ask her? How many days and nights will you spend tearing yourself up inside just thinking about her wondering, fantasizing, dreaming -- when all you had to do was ask?

Here's what asking right away does for you:

  • It greatly increases the odds you get her while she's still receptive to you

  • It gets you an answer, now, definitively, so you aren't left wondering forever

  • It allows you to start actually spending time with her, if she says "yes," instead of spending time thinking about her -- much less fun

  • It starts getting you experience and starts training you to have an easier and easier time talking to girls and asking them out.

At worst, asking a girl out right away compels you to realize that a girl saying "no" isn't the end of the world. And at best... you end up with your dream girl.

See why this is a good thing?

 

Don't Make the Asking Out a Big Deal

"Miss," I asked that girl back in 8th grade, in front of pretty much the entire school, "would you do me the honor of accompanying me to our graduation dance?"

Nope, I wasn't trying to be cute. Yep, I was dead serious.

And yeah, no, don't do that.

I guess if you lived on the American frontier or you were a sea captain in jolly old England a hundred years ago or something, formality and big-deal-making was a nifty way of having stuff feel special.

Now it just makes everybody nervous. Who wants to be invited on some big, fancy date?

The order of the day in the modern era is "casual." Nobody goes and does formal courtship anymore. In fact, the only time you'll ever even hear women talking about how much they wished a man would ask them on a formal date is when they're near the end of their twenties, and they start talking about how they've had their fill of one-night stands and bad boys and now they're finally ready to have a gentleman come and court them and eventually marry them and take care of them.

Meantime, of course, while some guy is courting them, they're often still having casual things going on with the less formal guys. I know, because I've been both of those guys.

Whatever you might hear otherwise, women don't like formal dates. They don't respond to them. They might think it's a classy, romantic idea, but formal dates don't get women in your bed, and they don't get women being your lovers or your girlfriends the majority of the time either.

Formal dates kinda suck.

So then what do you do? You simplify your dates -- more on this later -- and you ask women out in a super chill, casual way.

Like so:

Hey Becky, what's your schedule like this week? Let's grab some food or a drink.

Boom, done. Not so hard once the formality's gone. Don't kill yourself trying to figure out exactly the perfect thing to say -- you're just asking her out.

 

Ask a Girl Out on a High Note

Another lesson you can take away from that early attempt on my part back in 1997: don't just walk up to her and ask her out of the blue (or when she's in the middle of talking to all of her friends with about 200 people standing around watching).

Instead, ask her out on a high note.

how to ask a girl out

If you want to know how to ask a girl out and get a "yes" almost every single time, this one is absolutely the key to the whole thing. You ask her out when she's enjoying talking to you -- and she's going to say "yes."

You know when most inexperienced guys ask a girl out? It's either:

  • Out of the blue, like 14 years old me,
  • While she's in the midst of conversation with other people, like 14 years old me, or
  • As a conversation with her is circling the drain and it feels like it's now or never.

Rephrased, most guys ask girls out when:

  • It feels random and awkward, or
  • It feels like there's no connection between them and, again, it's awkward.

No wonder so many guys are terrified to ask girls out, and/or not all that good at it. They ask at the wrong damn times in the wrong damn situations!

Honestly, if some random guy started talking to you, and then you guys talked and talked, and then started running out of conversation, and then it started feeling a little awkward, and then he was like, "Hey buddy, we should go grab a pizza and some beer some time," how excited are you to say yes?

Now compare that to some random guy who's started talking to you, and he feels like your long lost best friend, and the two of you are in the middle of laughing at some story he just told, and he says, "Hey pal, we ought to go grab a cheeseburger later this week."

On that second one, you're probably going to say, "Sure man, let's do it!"

Why? Because it was proposed on a high note.

In the very first article I send to subscribers when you sign up for my free newsletter -- signup form at the end of this article -- I discuss the most important difference between men and women.

And that difference is how acutely women listen to their emotions. Women don't decide things because they logically make sense; women decide things because they emotionally do.

And even for men like us, who don't rely on feeling as much as women do, when someone asks you to spend more time with them when you're already enjoying spending time with them, in the very midst of that enjoyment, like in that second example above, you're certainly going to agree, almost always.

And when they ask you to spend more time with them when it feels weird or awkward or random or challenging to keep spending time with them, like in that first example above, you're likely to decline, because you don't want to be feeling that again.

The emotion is key.

So what high notes do you look for?

  1. She's laughing
  2. She's telling you a lot about herself
  3. She's staring at you like she wants to grab you and tear your clothes off

Things like that. If she's smiling and talking with you and laughing, that's a pretty good indication she's enjoying herself with you -- and that she'd be open to spending more time with you and enjoying more interaction and conversation with you. Ask her out.

 

how to ask a girl out

Still not ready to start asking women out like crazy? Well, I've got a few more insights on how to ask a girl out to help you step up your game there -- so you're in luck.

 

Pick a Simple Date Idea

... and avoid complication at all costs.

No ice-skating, hot air balloon rides, paintball death matches, or trips to Paris. It's a date... it's for you to get to know a girl and for her to get to know you.

The problem with the really complicated, fantastic date ideas is that they become both logistical nightmares, and often can even be intimidating for a girl to say "yes" to.

To get a handle on what I'm talking about, picture a girl who really likes a guy, and wants to go on a date where the two of them sit and talk and get to know one another, but then he asks her to go play laser tag.

"I'm not really the laser tag type..." she says, hoping he'll just ask her to go somewhere chill instead.

"Oh," he says, feeling rejected, "all right." And then he walks away. No date.

What just happened?

Overactive dates that try to be too "fun" can oftentimes end up being too much for girls and they'll say "no"... even when they like you.

I'll give you the reverse scenario: I've had girls I liked and wanted to get to know better, but they asked me to go to parties with them or go on some crazy adventure like going rock-climbing or something of that nature, and I've turned them down. Why? Because I didn't really want to do those things, and I figured nothing would happen.

Nothing's going to happen at a party date where you're surrounded by a ton of her friends. You won't get to know her much better there, and you can't get together with her in front of 30 people.

And nothing's going to happen with the two of you rappelling down a cliff face. You'll be too tired afterward for anything to happen then, either.

And besides, maybe she just doesn't have the energy or the inclination to go do wild parties or hike a couple of miles.

Those are great things to do with friends, and activity partners, but they're not so great things to do with someone you're really attracted to and want to be with. And women will sometimes even flat out refuse these things because they don't want the guy to inadvertently kill the attraction they have for him by accidentally plopping himself into the platonic guy pal zone.

Bad news you may not be aware of: many of the girls who say "no" to fun dates would rather just get to know you than do off-the-wall activities, and many of the girls who say "yes" to fun dates really just want to have fun -- and could care less who they're going with. They're there for the date, not for you, and you odds of doing anything other than having a nice friendly outing are pretty low.

This isn't always true, but it is a lot more often than you might think.

But guys often take women's refusal to go on these sorts of high-energy crazy "fun" dates as a universal refusal, when it might just be the activity a girl was rejecting -- not them.

To get around this, stay away from inviting girls on crazy wild fun dates, and just invite them on relaxed ones where you can talk.

A few ideas:

  • Take her on a picnic
  • Take her to the beach
  • Meet her at a café close to your home
  • Meet her at a chill lounge or quiet bar nearby for a drink
  • Have her come over to your place to cook or watch a movie

Pick a date template -- something simple -- stick to it, and you should be fine. It's only when guys try to be crazy and overly clever that it blows up in their faces. All you really need is something laid back where the two of you can talk and get to know each other and build connections... keep it straightforward and she'll probably say "yes."

how to ask a girl out

 

Let a Girl Tell You When Works Best for Her

One really common mistake I see guys making is trying to shoehorn women into their schedule with no consideration for the girl's own schedule.

So like, the guys who are over-focused on being an alpha male will do things like tell a woman:

Let's do Thursday at 8 o'clock.

... only to have that woman come back and tell them

Oh, sorry, I'm busy on Thursday.

Which builds up a lot of negative compliance.

Oops.

What I started doing a while back and works great is the innovative (get ready for it) process of... just plain asking a girl when works best for her.

See, I'm no groundbreaker here... just doing simple stuff that gets it done.

So, instead of tossing out some time that who knows if she'll be free or not, or whether it's an inconvenient time for her or not and she'll likely flake, I let her pick the day, and her pick the time.

It goes like this:

Me: We should grab a drink or a bite some time this week.

Her: Yeah, definitely!

Me: When's good for you... what's your schedule look like?

Her: Umm, let's see. I'm really packed most of the week... oh, but I could do, Friday night, or maybe Sunday afternoon?

Me: Okay, great. Sunday afternoon would be perfect. Let's say 1 o'clock maybe?

Her: 1 o'clock works fine.

Me: Perfect. Let's say 1 o'clock then; meet me at my subway station maybe? And we'll grab some food? That sound good?

Her: Okay, that's perfect! I'll see you on Sunday then!

Me: Cool beans. See you Sunday, Christie.

No rejection from her on date or time. No wondering what to do when girls flake -- because flakes largely disappear.

You're seeing her on a date at a time that works fine for her -- that makes it easy for her to say yes, and easy for her to not miss it.

It's the path of least resistance. Make it as easy for her to say "yes" in the moment and show up on the day of your date as you can without overextending yourself.

 

After Date and Time, You Handle Everything Else

There was a time in my life when I used to ask girls, "So, what do you want to do? Do you want to see a movie, get some food, check out the shopping mall...?"

That time passed, long ago.

Reason being, most girls don't like having to make the decisions. They want to be able to just relax and let you be the leader. It takes work to make decisions, and frankly, most women are the same as most people -- the more decisions you take care of for them, the happier they'll be, so long as the decisions you make are good enough that they don't have to disagree or fight them.

So, after we've found a time that works for her schedule and I can fit into my schedule, I stop asking for her to figure things out. I just make proposals and ask her if those proposals work for her.

Also, on the same note, you really don't want to let girls plan the date for logistical reasons, either. If she has an idea, it's usually better that you can't make it -- unless that idea is conducive to seduction.

Just a few such terrible date ideas for the record:

  • Let's go hiking
  • Let's go to a party
  • Let's go to a nightclub
  • Let's all hang out with my friends
  • Let's go shopping
  • Let's go to a movie
  • Let's go to some kind of group activity
  • Let's go to a networking event

These all fall under the category of "bad first date." Or bad second, third, or fourth date too, for that matter.

Why do they make for bad dates?

Because they violate those 5 Cs of Dating I mentioned in the article just linked to. For a refresher, those 5 Cs are:

  1. Cheap (nothing too expensive)
  2. Convenient (something easy)
  3. Conversation (to get to know her)
  4. Covert (not involving anyone other than the two of you)
  5. Control (you plan and handle everything)

A good first date is:

  • At a café where you can sit and talk
  • At a park or the beach, preferably with some food
  • Having an ice cream or a coffee
  • At your place -- cooking dinner, having drinks, "hanging out," watching a movie, studying, etc.

How's that going to help you asking a girl out?

Simple. A big part of the reason why guys get nervous asking girls out is because they don't know exactly what they're doing. Well, if you choose one of those good first date ideas, you're going to know exactly what you're doing: you're taking her on a date she'll like, where the two of you can get to know each other, and that'll be conducive to the both of you potentially becoming lovers if things go well.

If you're inexperienced, perhaps skip having her come over to your place unless you're really feeling it. The rest of those should feel totally safe though.

 

If She Says "No"... Don't Give Up!

I remember when I used to get this surge of fear and adrenaline before asking a girl out. Like I was going to get stabbed in the hip or something if she didn't want to go out with me.

The funny thing is, it's just a "no." The stock market doesn't explode, the polar ice caps don't melt, and nobody posts a video of you getting rejected online for the world to see (or at least, hopefully not).

The worst possible thing that could happen is she says "no," and you go on with your life.

But you shouldn't just take a "no" at face value.

If she says "no," unless it's incredibly harsh and you just want to hightail it out of there (and that's very rare), play it off. Be a little dramatic. Put your hand over your heart, gasp, and look away. "Jennifer! You break my heart. All I want to do is be your knight in shining armor!"

She'll laugh. You make your exit, perhaps with another quip. "I want you to reconsider this over the next couple of days, okay? Because some day you're going to be sitting there, thinking back to this day, and you're going to say to yourself, 'Damn it, when John asked me out, I should've said yes!'"

And she'll probably laugh again.

And if she does, you are in. Maybe not that time. But ask her out a week later, and she's probably going to say "yes." And if she doesn't, rinse and repeat.

It might sound silly, but you being unfazed when she says "no" is one of the most crazy attractive things you can do around a woman. Persistence is attractive to women like few other things are.

Don't believe it? Try it out. Then come back and let me know how it worked out. You may be quite surprised. Even guys women thought they'd never go out with get dates this way... I've heard plenty of stories of men who've done exactly this. And I've pulled off a few of these myself, too.

Persistence pays off. Don't take "no" so seriously.

how to ask a girl out

 

Be Cool When She Says "Yes"

Yes, it's awesome that she said she'll go out with you. That doesn't mean cartwheels and victory chants are in order in (well, not in earshot, anyway).

A lot of less experienced guys, when a girl says "yes" to them, they either get really excited... or they get really weird and awkward.

Needless to say, you don't want to go either of those routes, so be prepared for that and prime yourself to be normal after you ask her.

How do you do that? You make a personal note -- internally, before you ever go talk to her -- that no matter what she says, you're going to be cool.

And after you ask her out and she gives you her answer, you're going to continue the conversation on as if nothing else had happened.

Here's what you won't do:

  • Get really excited
  • Get really nervous
  • Start talking to her about the date
  • Start telling her you're really glad she said yes
  • Start trying to plan out logistics or timing or scheduling
  • Do or discuss anything overly factual or logical

Here's what you will do:

  • Talk to her exactly the same as you were before
  • Pick up on a topic you were on before you asked her out if you need one

Mind goes blank? Ask her what she's got planned for the rest of the day -- that's an easy one. Just make it smooth, natural, and make sure she doesn't have any cause for concern about her decision to say "yes!"

If you stick with these tips and insights on how to ask a girl out, I'm confident you're going to start getting just about every girl you ask on a date agreeing to go out with you.

At the very least, you'll be a very hard guy for a girl to say "I'd like to be friends first" to!

Always,
Chase Amante

Here's to all your "yes"es!

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Comments

Anonymous's picture

Hi Chase , Im a student in


Hi Chase ,
Im a student in 8th grade .. (too young?) .. Im 13years
There is this girl who Started to become my friend a year ago and some months ago she started saying that im her bestest friend.. She started telling me everything about her life.. Big secrets and the guys she liked.. And i started to like her .. Then everyone in my class started to say that she really likes me and is interested in me.. I was a bit nervous on asking her out and i took too much time..... Then we started having a lot of fun together and like i became the only guy she kept talking to all the time .. I really started to like her and i was sure she liked me because she blushed and smiled and laughed everytime she talked to me..
She used to come to me saying dont be sad be happy talk to me .. 2 weeks ago when i made her decision while i was out of town that i was going to ask her out .. When i returned i got to know that one of my good friends asked her out and she first said a big no.. In front of everyone but the next day she went to him and said yes.. I felt really sad because i really really liked her .. She kept saying i was a hot guy and saying she loved me and i was really cute.. But she told me that she did notlike this guy who asked her out a bit before but now she loves him .. I still feel really sad and cant get over it .. And this guy he broke up with his ex in anout 5 days so i think he is a loser.. But they have started getting really close hugging each other sticking to each other and i am sad ..
I now really want this girl to be my gf .. Any tips ? Or any idea?
What should i do for the moment im really confused ..?

Waiting for your reply,
Thanks Chase

Anonymous's picture

hey bro (im not chase). I


hey bro (im not chase). I know how you feel, i was sorta in the same position as u a couple years back. In my opinion the best thing u can do is move on and dont get too close to the girl cuz that will greatly impact ure feelings. Just b yourself and if u get lucky her relationship wont last that long and u can finally ask her out. But in the time being, dont stress over it and dont tell her u love her because she most likely wont dump him for u and that will impact your friendship with her.
good luck

Anonymous's picture

hey chase i need some help i


hey chase i need some help i want to ask this girl out but i dont really know what to say exactly please help

Dave's picture

A girl I'm into...


Hey Chase, I have a few questions for you. There is this girl who is on my bus and Math/L.A. class, and I just don't know how to confront her. She doesn't sit near me in any of these, but she does sit at a table in lunch with some of my friends. I don't know when or how to ask her, and I don't see any way to get her alone (should you ask her out alone?). I can't think of a way to smoothly ask her out, and I believe she knows I like her, which adds a whole new variable to this equation. Sometimes she looks at me, and I will catch her looking at me and/or vise versa. I feel she won't say yes if my peers are around, and my head is kinda everywhere. I feel a little belittled asking a person I have never met about personal problems, but I feel I need to. Also, do you think I should let my parents know, and either if she says yes or no. Please help me man.

~Dave

Anonymous's picture

Hey


The way you want to ask a girl out is the way YOU want to... My ex-Girlfreind always wanted a good person and to confront her when ever, except when they are talking with someone else. so my advise to you is to go for it if you want to do it then dont let anyone stop you!

Jason's picture

A challenge


Hey Chase, been reading your articles for the past couple weeks really great stuff! Trying to make this short....

I know this girl for 2 years in college and she knows i like her, cause she over heard as my friend was bugging me about it on the bus. In June at graduation we chilled and that was it. Fast forward 6months this week i got a msg from her on fb stating she wanted some info regarding the uni i was going to. So I said hey why don't we discuss it over lunch or something or if not i can answer your questions on fb. She said let's go have lunch. So Last friday i was gonna tell her how i felt but i didn't, she looked interested, asking me questions, accepting my compliments, leaning forward and always had eye contact. Although for me i'm pretty shy..i didn't give much eye contact. I know her enough that she is a shy person as well. So at the end of it all she was like msg me sometime. So the next day i texted "i had enjoyed our outting and i maybe we can watch paranormal, after wards you will have to use your social work skills on me." She laughed and said ok. 3 days later i texted "hey let's go watch that movie, let me know what your schedule is like this week." She replied 5hrs later stating how she would be busy this week and weekend and that she doesn't know when she will have free time due to work and how she promised she would go with her friend to the movie. So i said, no problem just let me know when you are free. She didn't respond. Shortly after 1hr or so i texted her some thing funny and she laughed.

My theory is she just wants me to tell her how I feel and she was hoping that i would when we went to lunch but i didn't. So meaning she decided to give me another shot. So I'm deciding now to just lay it on the line and call her and tell her. If it goes well hurrah! If not I've learned! This will be the first time i've even told a girl how i feel. I don't have any experience at all. I'm 22 lols.

Looking forward to your response!

Anonymous's picture

Just be truthful it'll work


Just be truthful it'll work out

Rich T's picture

Addicted to the great info here


Hey Chase,

Kudos on the great info. I've read just about every article over the past week.

I met this girl at the local bar. Went out and got her back to my house on the 1st date. We're on our way to 3rd and I break to hit the bathroom. Come back and she says she has to go. We kiss a bit more and I'm stroking her hair. She says "How do you not have a gf?" (Used the career/busy BF excluder earlier) I reiterate "Im not a relationship guy." Cab comes we kiss and she gives me a sexy lip bite at the end. I close the door and she walks to the cab.

Texted her 2 days later to get together again soon. No response now for days. What could I have done better?

Thanks,

Anonymous's picture

Generally, when you're


Generally, when you're looking for a relationship, you don't say you're not into relationships.

Simple.

Anonymous's picture

Hey Chase i'm thinking of


Hey Chase i'm thinking of asking this girl i like alot by Friday and i don't know but i get the biggest nervousness ever i'm more nervous than the basketball championships last year im in 8th grade and this girl is my best friend thats a girl and one of the first girls ive ever felt a connection with i want to invite her for me to come hang out with her in her neibhorhood do you think i should come to her or have her come to me. I don't want to screw up our friendship together this will be my first date ever if it happens. so any more tips to help :) thanks,

Travis

Anonymous's picture

I need your help.


Hello Chase,

So heres the deal. Theres this girl I really like and we have hooked up a couple of times. Shes beyond gorgeous and I would say im pretty good looking. But the issue here is were friends with benefits but im starting to like her more then that. I dont know if she likes me in that way and if I ask her out I dont know what she would say.

Theres also this other problem. I had a thing with her best friend but now she hates me and we dont talk very much. Our friendship is secret to her and if she found out we were friends, the girl I like would be in trouble with her. So i dont know if she would date me just because of that reason.

I was just wondering if you could give me some tips on what I should do.

Thank you very much.

P.S. My names Chase also :D

Connor 's picture

Hey chase! I've been in the


Hey chase!

I've been in the same situation as you. I met this girl and we hit it off great, talking all the time and always laughing. Hooked up a couple times, She had all the personality over text and phone calls but was a Tad shy in person. Anyways I asked her if she wanted to go on a picnic we had a good time and as the picnic ended I got up and we hooked up and I asked her out and she said hmm I'll text you later. She texted me a few hours later saying heey can we wait? I was just like yeahh Suree whatever's easier for you and we kept talking that night but I didn't give her much attention and she knew that so we finished talking that night and we haven't spoken since. I then moved on to her bestfriend a few months after and I asked her on a date and she was like sure can I bring Chloe.. And I was like hmm I'm not sure that's a good idea, anyways truth is Chloe fucked it up for me with the other chick. But I guess that was pretty stupid going after her bestfriend haha I hope this gave you and insight!

Cheers!

Dominic's picture

Ask her out


Hey Chase
Basically I know this girl from working together at a nightclub and she just left working there the other day. But this is cool as I wouldnt have asked her out if we were working together as that just dosnt work. We talked a lot and Im pretty sure she liked me as I could tell by the way she acted around me eg laughing at everything and constant smiles.
I then asked her for her BBM pin and got that so thats cool.
I havnt spoken to her since as only been two days but Im not sure how long to wait to ask her out and how to play it you know?
Kind Regards Dominik

Anonymous's picture

Is she too old for me


Hi I really like this girl but she's 16 and I'm 14 and I can't stop thinking That it would feel weird and awkward. I'm not sure if she likes me but if we make eye contact she either holds it or pulls away and out the corner of my eye sometimes I see her staring at me she also flutters her eyes quite a bit at me only. BTW every think else you said helped me understand more thanks

Anonymous's picture

i met this girl at my work


i met this girl at my work today and i helped her pick out some paint samples for her room. we talked a little and she smiled and laughed. and we had some things in common. i wasnt sure if it would be weird to ask her, her name and if she wanted to go out? i hope she comes back in the store so i can get a second chance.

Anonymous's picture

Hey Chase (or anyone who can


Hey Chase (or anyone who can help lol),

Good post, thanks for all the tips and time you put into it...I've got a situation that maybe you can provide some insight into. I've known this girl for about 2 years now, we started as just friends. Then we went out with some other friends and I started showing a pretty obvious sexual interest in her (in a joking kind of way so it wouldn't creep her out, but I was definitely serious lol). We ended up kissing that night, but nothing else happened. I saw her about a month and a half later and at the end of the night, right as I was about to leave, one of her friends (i'm friends with her too) said "hey, remember when you guys kissed? I want to see that again". We then made out and it was great. We were drunk both times we kissed though. So I asked her if she wanted to hang out and watch a movie a few days after that and she said she's busy this week but that she'd be free next week (it's final week). Does she like me? I guess it's kind of hard to tell since we were friends before all of this started, and because it was our other friend that brought the kissing up. I really like her and haven't really been able to stop thinking about her since we last kissed, but don't want to make our friendship awkward, or non-existent for that matter.

Thanks for any thoughts.

Anonymous's picture

Hey chase i know how to ask


Hey chase i know how to ask out a girl and all but what should you do when your on your first and so on dates im just wondering what you should tak to her about i mean asking out isnt hard what im worried about is what i should do or talk about with her thanks!

Chris's picture

R.E.Hey chase I know how to ask


Soz I'm not chase but u should try to comment on her clothes, hair, make her feel good about herself then talk about hobbies that she might like (this will get he talking and comfortable and help u get to know her) then u could talk about holidays funny event in life where u would like to go remembering to let her speak and try not to interupt her
Hope this helped

Abbas's picture

Told Her


Hey Chase,
Ok so I really like this girl and i think she knows that, and i think she likes me because her friend told me. But i feel like ive messed it up, by texting her:
"I really like you, text me back when you get this", its been like a day and i usually get instant replies.
WHAT DO I DO!??!
Help me.

Anonymous's picture

I think I am making it harder than it is


Ok, Chase here is something I hope I can get some advise on. There is a girl that I have been thinking about asking out she is single so thats not the problem. She is a friend but also a customer of mine I run my own buisness doing Mobile Auto Repair thats how we met. I do value our friendship and customer relationship and I dont want to ruin that. Meaning if I ask her out and she were to say no I dont want her to feel unconfortable knowing how I feel and IF I were outside doing repairs on her cars. Like you say there is a small window and I definetly dont want to let it close. She has actually had personal conversations with me almost to the point where you can tell she is confortable talking to me about her life. We also joke around actually these are the things that attracted me to her now its just come down to asking her out.

Anonymous's picture

U know if I where u I'm not


U know if I where u I'm not an expert at all but on what he was saying I'd go with. After u fixed her car and shes saying thanks and smiling I think that would be the best time :D

Anonymous's picture

I think I screwed up and I need some advice!


Help I need some advice. Hey I am a type of guy that's not the finest definition of slim and I really like this quite popular and I'm not so popular and I've told her I like so I think I screwed up at minute one and I think she'll think I'm weird if I ask her out. Help I need some advice.

Anonymous's picture

girls


i like this girl in my history class, and we talk once in a while and we stare at each other in class a lot. I don't know when to ask her out. i don't want to do it in front of the class and i rarely see her after that besides the hallways sometimes. i don't want to ruin my chances with her. Im also facing the same situation with another girl in my math class. Can you help me out

British Bulldog's picture

Brilliant article mate, quite


Brilliant article mate, quite coincidental and rather fortunate that I'm the exact age you were when making those mistakes, so I can benefit most from learning. Anyway, I digress, what's the window, both optimally and at the extreme, you can ask a girl out - I'm going to do it next time I meet her, however, crappy unpredictable British climate could hinder me, so with respect, this is sort of urgent.
Thanks.

Zariuq's picture

Hiking


:O Why does hiking violate the 5 C's?

It is cheap (practically free), convenient (unless you live in the middle of a big city), you get to converse with her, you only run into other people occasionally, and you can take her to the trail ;)

... or is it bad for some other reason >_>?

JD's picture

2nd date


I need some advice, i asked this girl out for some drinks and she agreed to meet me up at a bar. We had such a great time on our date. A week later i asked her if she wanted to go out for dinner but said she has to work but did not give me an alternative time to hang out. What should i do ?

Anonymous's picture

Hey, my girlfriend of several


Hey, my girlfriend of several years was murdered a couple months ago and I don't know what to do. I love her very much and I feel dating again would be disrespectful to her memory, but at the same time I miss having that kind of relationship with another human being and getting through this is very hard alone. It tears me up inside but I am very very lonely and I think that having someone to be close to would be helpful.

Basically everyone in the area knows about what happened and it seems like it'd be wrong to hide information like this from someone I was potentially interested in in the first place. What do I do? I don't want to seem like a creepy, unloving or disrespectful person when approaching another woman and I feel like they would be off put by the fact that I am asking them out at a time like this in my life. On top of that I don't know what my friends and family would think.

Help?

Anonymous's picture

Listen man


Ok, first let me say that it is horrible someone so close to you was murdered, and my heart goes out to you. But really, you cant live your whole life afraid of being with someone else. You should eventually find somebody you like, but keep your old GF's memory alive. You cant just be alone your whole life, man. Just let her go. I know it will be difficult, but please try.

JoeDoe's picture

Question


Yeah I have a question for you. Why don't women ever have to go through the trouble of asking guys out? Doesn't seem fair...And is a bar a good date idea?I'm not talking about one of those crazy trucker bars in a dark part of the city or anything...

Kalib Steele's picture

I need help-asap


So me and this girl are really close. I really like her and she really likes me. I asked her out in nov. and she said yes, and then changes her mind to no the next day. I didnt make a huge deal about it, and i accepted her choice, and we are still have feeling s for each other. Her previous boyfriend was a dick, and the relationship between them wasng all that great, so i think she is scared of being hurt again, in which I can understand. So a few months later, one of her friends told me that she really likes me, and wants to date me, she's just still scared. I was told that she really likes me, she just doesn't want to get into a relationship. I really love this girl, and i want to prove to her that, I'm not the dick that her ex was, and that im the best she's had yet....I'm not sure if its to late, and i just don't know what to do. PLEASE HELP ME...I don't want to watch her fade away, or get hurt by another guy again.

CalypsoDark's picture

Hey, Chase. What about if


Hey, Chase. What about if someone likes more than one or even mor than two girls? Do you have anything on how to decide which to ask out?

Turkey's picture

This Post


i'm not sure what to do now though. I told her that i'll wear a borat mankini and run down the road and she's like i'll kick u in the nuts (in a agressive playful way). I said alright then hows bout we go to the park one day. She replied yes. Would this mean that i'm good with her or she's waiting??? (she turned me down once telling me she's not sure if she's ready).

T.J.'s picture

akward


What if I asked someone out and they said no. not because she didnt like me. becaus she already had a boyfriend. and that boyfriend was my best friend. its been over a year but whenever i think about asking her out again it seems so akward. HELP!

Anonymous's picture

I met this girl at a club,


I met this girl at a club, and we danced/made out the entire night. At the end she said she had a great time with me and gave me her #, and I'd like to see her again but don't know how to go about asking her out or if it was a one time thing...also where should I take her? I fail at getting girlfriends...but I always end up bringing a girl home from the bar, and I want more then just a sexual relationship.
Thanks

Austin's picture

Question


The girl I like is the new girl at school and the term before she arrived i was the new guy at school. I have known her for about 3 months now and I have had a thing for her ever since I met her. So in other words the straight away rule does not apply for me and also she moves back to the other side of the country (where she came from) at the end of term 3 so i'm kinda on a time limit here no matter what, unless her family decides to stay. What should I do and is there any advice you have to convince her parents to stay here?

the M's picture

hmmm


ok,
I totally get where you are coming form Chase with the first 3 tips, but I dont agree with the formal date thing you have to remember that women mature quicker and sometimes they do like formal dates to build up some sexual tension and work out if your a keeper.

and also what you were saying about- girl wouldnt want to go on a 'high energy date', women are all different, your right the majority would not want to go on those dates. But there are few that would love that kind of stuff and are just dying for someone to say 'hey, you want to come on a 30 metre absail down a waterfall next week?'

I do agree with a lot of things you have said but I have a question for you, if the roles were reversed, and a girl asks out a guy and he says no, would persistance work?

Also if you saw a girl you liked just walking in the street and didn't know them at all, how do you approch them and start talking to them?

The M

alexander's picture

Hey Chad, I think your


Hey Chad,
I think your writing her was great but i have one question that hopfully some one will help me with. this girl i really like dosent dislike me does not espically like me either, but i want to ask her out. But i dont know how much she likes me when we sat together in class we really hit it off but know that we dont we hardley talk. i also dont hve any freinds on the inside so should i ask her our not.

Steve's picture

After the date?


Very good article. I apriciate the good advice. I had a first date with a girl last night. I really like her. It would be great if someone could tell me ways to ask her if she liked the first date. I'd like to text her. Thanks :)

Austin's picture

Hey. It depends how old you


Hey. It depends how old you are. If you are a kid 14-16 say something like "hey :) did you have fun last night?" refrain from using words like "u" instead of "you". If you are an adult say something like "hey doll, how are you? Hope you had as fun a time as I had" again, capitalize words like "I" instead of "i". It shows maturity.

Hsenn99's picture

What if she says I'm not ready yet?


The first girl I asked out said
"sorry, I got asked out yesterday"
I asked The second girl who had split up with her boyfriend 1 day ago said
"I'm not ready yet"
she said the same thing 10 days later when I asked her again.
I know the second girl is the right one for me, I want to ask again but what if she thinks im nagging her?
Ps thanks for the advice

chris's picture

dating first time


I am a first time user but it seems like it should work I am going to try it soon ill let you says yes. Thanks for the advise I hope it works

Anonymous's picture

too late?


I like this girl and I like did things too show that I liked her and she texted me and asked me if I liked her and I didn't reply then she said cuz I don't like you so I never actually asked her out but now she kind of thinks I'm annoying. What should I do?

Anonymous's picture

Asking out a girl for the first time


Hey Chase (or any1 who can help ofc),
I have a rather large dilemna. There's this girl that I really like and we've known each other for quite a while; but we've only recently started getting on with each other. I'm really nervous and not quite sure how to actually ask her out :/ i'm just wondering what I should say to her. We have a few classes together but she's around her friends quite a lot, but I'd rather ask her out when it's just us two on our own. I only just started contemplating how to ask her out (on the flight back from a school trip we were on) which was yesterday. If some1 could tell me just what to say to her etc. and also the best time to talk to her would be great as well :)

Thanks anyway for the great advice.

Anonymous's picture

Is it bad to start liking


Is it bad to start liking someone else the day after you ask someone out?

heartbroken's picture

good ideas but ive got another problem


hey chase i've read your article and i fount it interesting and brilliant but i have a problem.
I met this girl through a friend and we spent the day together laughing and joking.
As soon as I relised I liked her, I asked her out and she said yes for the next two days it was going fine.
She then turned around to me and said "I would like to get to know you a bit more so do you want to be friends until then?" so i said sure I would like to get to know you some more as well.
After we had talked about that, she also turned around and said that she Felt guilty for saying yes because she wanted to get to know me first and that she wasn't ready for a relationship so I said yh i understand but i'll still care for you and be here for you.
so now i cant get her off my mind, im always thinking about her.
what do i do. can you help me?

Next Steps...'s picture

What next..


Hey guys/ Chase!. I will try and keep it as short as i can...need the next steps advise...

Girl i liked not known for 2 long. Got very close on a night out...things didn't happen left it at that....

Time went by still texting/talking anyways at the time she had another guy on the scene she had met away and i didnt want the hassle of playing myself with competition, seemed like to much of jump for myself.

Anyways a few weeks have gone by since.. were still chatting, get on great, i think there is no reason for me not to at least ask her out, at least then i will know where i stand after the intimate night and its confusion a while back.

I decide i will ask her out...were texting she says i cant tell if your serious (had a little joke around at work that day) I say i am would love to take her out. She says okay we'll go..id really like it. My response is Good! your schedules hectic with work etc how about tuesday evening? She says Yes, i say the venue one i know she mentioned a while back and would like to go, She says again yes sounds amazing. I say to her i will let her know the following day of the times etc.

The day goes by i let her know the times, she explains she does have work and will try to get out of it. I say no worries let me know. Day goes past she messages me saying bad news i have to work :( what u up 2 today?.. etc. I messaged saying no problem. Your schedules busy so name the date... and i say what im up 2 that day not asking back. Kept it short simple. That was a few days back haven't heard anything since, no texts on the night it would of been or contact to rearrange......so...

Should i throw another text out there like the ones you state.. ''Hey, Whats your plans for this weekend, we should go out on that date!. etc etc...

Or shall i just be patient and wait. When she agreed she seemed very keen. So i am assuming she really did have work and couldn't get out of it. However i don't want to throw another text out there when i havent heard from her since and seem like im chasing...then again i don't want to sit back if i should be!!

The next steps would be of GREAT help.

Thanks a lot people!

Jacob's picture

Im scared


Hey man, i really do like this girl and im thinking she likes me too, the thing is, im just to scared to walk up to her and actually talk with her face to face. Do you think she knows im scared? And if so is that bad? I have had my bestfriend play the middle man and give her messages, you know, the back n' forth thing and im thinking its a "turn off". So what do i do about this kind of situation?

Anonymous's picture

so lost????????


well i met this chick in dunkin doughnuts getting my usual coffee, we hit it off pretty well and started doing little flirts back and forth, and i pay and left next day i return and she is there and recognizes me and smiles really big and we flirt again, well this happens for a couple days and then i finally ask her out and she asks "where would we go" i said "hmm we will have to see" she says ok sounds good smiling big a bright eyed, then she says "hold on let me give you my number" right as i was about to ask for it, then she gives it to me and says ohh wait want a free treat and i say yeah cool and she hands me a brown bag with a heart doughnut in it, and i pay for my coffee and we both smiled at eachother and i walked away, later that day i texted the number saying hey its that coffee guy just letting you know this is my number, she replies "hey, hows it going?,sorry if this is straight forward but i have a boyfriend, just wanted to let you know." and i replied "ah ok. glad you told me!, to bad tho. and that was it..

why did she do all these things, give all the signs and even go further with the heart doughnut if she had a BF and i made it clear i liked her??? i cant spot if she just wants me to chase her or if that was like a complete STOP gesture........

Anonymous's picture

Need help with gal i really like


There is a girl i met through my brothers female friends. Shes was always very attractive from day one but she had a bf. Never really had much opportunity to get to know her until in the last year so was talking to her a few times and she seems really nice. We share music in common. Before christams she broke up with her bf and there was a few guys trying and I think shes rather clever which i like because she seen through one guy who was a player.

Anyways met up with her and her friends with brother and on 3 different ocassions she has asked if i had a gf at begining i had an online thing but that died off. so i said no to last 2. Anywasys i randomly got added after a night out as a friend on facebook which was a nice and her friend liked it. So then i got talking to her about this and that. I know her but not that well.

Me-Merry Christmas, Hope its a good one and your dad is getting better
Her-Thanks Hun happy Xmas to u too all is ok here hopefully see u out again soon xx

So then i seen she was going to a group of muscians I have wanted to go to for ages so i bought some tickets for myself. Asked her about the group and how it was ran and if shed been before.

me-I have my tickets lol I can't wait eighter love there music and the olympia is supposed to be a very good venu
her-Ah Savage might see u there. I'm on the very top though unreserved seating but I'll be standing:) will be there very early. Who u going with?

I went on my own and it was great. Didn't have her number so didnt know if id bump into her or not. Happened to log on to facebook and she had asked if i was there. So answered and asked what she thought. Got no reply though nothing of it really and went home.So theres another music event on i said id ask if she was going.

Me- "U going to this event" with a link
Her- Ooooh sounds good yeah I'll try I had such a great time but my phone died last night so couldn't find u:( (At concert)

Question is what do i do i like this girl a lot

Sam's picture

What should i say to her?


first off, i liked the article and it was extremely helpful.

situation:
i want to ask my best friend on a date. we are in college and live in the same building. i have social anxiety disorder and for the past 3 months, i have been trying to ask her out. youd think we were twins because we act almost exactly alike. we're both really nice, funny, a little shy, but like to do the same things. a lot of people thought we would make a cute couple. problem, i cant because i get too nervous. right before im about to do it, i get nervous and flake out.

problem:
im nervous. also, im not sure if she likes me. i mean we kind of flirt, but i dont know. i havent asked out a girl before partially because im nervous, but also because it has never been that important to me.

questions:
-i dont know what to say either. people say "just ask her out", but what exactly do i say? people say to do that, but dont be upfront about it.
-if i ask her to go/do/eat somewhere, is it an implied date? i mean people say if i ask just her, it is, but how do i give her the impression at least that its a date?
-lastly, im nice and people (especially my girls friends) tell me how nice i am. and girls like nice guys. since she is my best friend, how likely do you think she will say "yes" if i do ask her out?

sorry for the length, but to anyone who answers, thanks in advance!

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