Do Women REALLY Like Being Treated Like 'Equals'?

A little while back, Chase wrote a fantastic article on competition between men and women in the 21st Century. If you haven’t read it, read it here: "Conflict Between Men and Women in the 21st Century."

In this article, I’m going to expand on Chase’s foundation and look deeply into whether or not women actually want to be treated like equals by men. There has been much talk in our ever-changing society about gender equality, so most men assume that being treated equally in every respect is exactly what women are looking for.

women as equals

But is that actually the case? Let’s dive in…

women as equals

Whispered through the winds of the Western social atmosphere are the cries of women wondering to themselves: “Where have all the real men gone?” Contained within this question lies the implication that somewhere along the way men have changed – and from the perspective of women, changed for the worse.

So… where have all the real men gone? Well, I think that we should start with a couple important facts before we look to address this question:

  1. Including competing with one another, exploration, and the need to create, one of a man’s greatest life imperatives is finding a high-quality wife to be by his side and bear his children

  2. Men are the aggressors in the human binary

  3. Men will do whatever is necessary and to become what they believe women value

A few days ago, I was hanging out with a good female friend of mine, and I looked over at her coffee table and saw an interesting book. It was called Why Men Love Bitches, by some renowned (and arguably notorious) female writer of Slavic descent who champions the cause of traditional female values.

Now, this friend of mine is an incredibly attractive girl who is also very intelligent; so seeing a book about womanly advice in her apartment was definitely a puzzling experience. When I asked her about why she had it, her reply was:

“I think that women these days have lost their way. Society has taught them to be men, and men hate that. So I want to improve myself, and transform myself into someone men love.”

I was both floored and impressed when I heard this.

But the real question is: why would a high-value woman need to feel this way to begin with?

Well, from a social and psychological standpoint, one fact stands out in Western society: 95% of men simply don’t understand what women want.

And that’s completely okay. There are a lot of things that a lot of people don’t understand. You have to start from ground zero before you can examine anything.

However, since men are very logical creatures, they say themselves: “Man, I just really don’t get women these days. So let me do the logical thing to fix this problem. Let me ask one of my female friends or acquaintances what women want. Or let me look to TV and movies to glean some information about what women value.”

In essence, they do what men do best. They identify a problem, and then take the logical steps to identify the solution.

But unfortunately… the answer they get is misleading.

Introducing Feminism

At some point during the 1960s and ‘70s, a small minority of women decided that women as a sex wanted equal opportunities in employment and other social spheres. And this concept was created and promulgated with really great intention. Women wanted to be able to go into the workplace or onto a college campus and have the same contribution opportunities as men.

And women slowly began to get those opportunities. As they did so, more and more women noticed this, and became inspired and excited by the concept of this “new woman” – one who could do whatever her heart desired and walk any social or career path that she set out for herself. And as a result of this movement, society seemed to be changing for what seemed like the better.

However, what actually happened was that women had to start competing with men for resources. They had to start being treated like men, and acting like men themselves.

women as equals

And since men started treating them like they would other men, women began to see men as “bullies” or “oppressors.” So, the feminist movement shifted from simply granting women the right to enter the sphere of men to actually denouncing men and excoriating them for their evil ways.

With this foundation, let’s fast forward to the 2000’s and the ushering in of the Sex and the City generation and the prominence of the “New Woman”. This new woman is said to be a liberated woman – one who:

  • Is independent and doesn’t need men to support her unless she decides they should

  • Places great value on advancing in her career and making a name for herself

  • Can have sex with as many men as she pleases

  • Believes that men should be nice and useful to her in any way she wants them to be

  • May or may not want to raise a family

  • Believes that her sex drive will only rise as she enters her thirties and early forties

And since this is the ideal that is promulgated by TV, media, advertising, and commercial literature, it is the new social narrative that women have come to believe. And since it’s the new social narrative that women come to believe, they make themselves conform to that narrative in every way (lest they risk their reputation) – including telling men what their role now should be.

Modern Reality

But the reality of the situation is much, much different. Despite what the social narrative would lead women to believe, the truth about men and women remains the same.

  • Women cannot have as much sex as they please. In the mating game, women are the choosers, not the aggressors. But the social narrative has taught them that they can be the aggressors if they want. And an over-frequency of sex combined with other poor health choices has led to baffling epidemics in female biology like the sudden rise of pre-forties menopause.

  • Women aren’t attracted to supplicating men. Women will never be attracted to men who bend to their every whim. Despite what the social narrative may say… that fact will never change.

  • Female sex drives steadily drop as women age. The media would have you believe otherwise, but science is very clear about the fact that women are in their sexual peak in their early twenties, and their sex drive steadily decreases throughout late twenties and early thirties, and then drops precipitously thereafter.

  • Neither men nor women can be completely independent. Men and women will always need each other in some way, shape or form. That’s why we are each other’s complements. I do support women making their own money and forging their own path, but there is no woman who will be complete and fully happy alone.

  • Family is still important. Despite the fact that society would have you believe that family and community have no relevance in the modern lifestyle, social stability, biological success and individual happiness are still greatly predicated on these two pillars. And this is something that is important for both men and women in the West to consider.

Relinquishing Responsibility

So have the real men really disappeared?

There’s plenty of literature out there about how real men have the capacity and drive to be leaders (in fact, some of that literature includes an article written by yours truly). But in all reality, being a leader is incredibly difficult. And most men can’t handle it. Look at this video, which discusses the theory and biology of leadership (the entire video is quality in both presentation and information, but listen to the story at the beginning and then fast-forward to the 15 minute mark and listen for about five to ten more minutes if you want the abridged version).

The important part of this video to note is that biologically, what a leader does is put everyone else he serves before himself. And if he takes extra resources from his followers, he does so in exchange for promising to put his life on the line when all hell breaks loose.

And that’s a lot of pressure – too much – for most men. It’s constantly stressful, uncertain, and flat out terrifying a lot of the times.

So what’s the easier path? What’s the true path of least resistance? Comfort and security. And how do we get comfort and security? By letting someone else worry about those annoying problems and responsibilities.

A lot of people criticize “the masses” for simply following eccentric figures and doing what they’re told. But the fact is: life is terrifying. So if someone promises to come and make all of our problems go away, 95% of people will unsurprisingly take that deal.

And if men, who are designed to be strong/independent/expendable, take this deal of letting someone else stronger or smarter worry about their problems, what of women (biologically) – who are designed to be soft, caring and nurturing? They want to be led and cared for that much more.

They want someone to be there to tell them that everything is going alright whenever they feel scared. But instead, women are trying to be what society tells them to be: fearless, ruthless and completely independent.

But women aren’t like that. And most don’t want to be like that.

In terms of women, men are very reactionary. They’ll just do whatever women tell them they want out of men. They rarely pay attention to subtext.

So as society shifts and the social narrative becomes more deeply ingrained, the real question – which was sparked by a very high-value woman in my life – is where have all of the real women gone?

women as equals

Women Still Want Real Men

Throughout this whole process and movement of women’s rights, I think men have gotten confused about what their role in society should be – and I can’t blame them. Women have entered nearly every sphere that used to belong to only men, and are constantly deriding men for wanting to be “manly” or “tough” by calling them misogynistic/oppressive or accusing them of being archaically stuck in the past.

Instead, they encourage men to be nice guys and to take things slow with women they meet. And yet… in reality, they behave very differently. They:

  • Go home and have sex (often on the first night) with the men who are dominant and move fast with them

  • Have no problem putting legions of nice guys in the friend zone

  • Respect men who lead and have all the other qualities that women have traditionally valued

And it’s usually wise counsel with women – and anyone else in your life – to pay attention to what they do and not they say. In fact, I was recently out with one of my longtime friends, with a girl who he had been hooking up with them last summer (which ended in a very ugly fashion) and with one of her friends. I was talking to her friend about how I believed my friend and the girl would end up having sex that night. The interaction went like this:

Me: You see our friends flirting over there? I think they will end up having sex tonight.

Her: Are you kidding me? Absolutely not. Do you know how much Maria has badmouthed your friend ever since they stopped hooking up last summer?

Me: Hah, well, I obviously don’t know the details, but I can imagine. But what I do know is that Keith is probably the most confident guy that your friend has ever been with. And listen, I spend a lot of time around women – and I know there is a very big difference between what girls say and what they actually do.

Her: Haha, well that’s true. I can personally attest to that fact. But still… no way Maria is hooking up with Keith, she’s completely done with that.

Approximately 10 minutes later, our friends started making out right in the middle of the bar. And the girl I was talking to turned beet red and meekly admitted how she was wrong.

And therein lies the real truth with women. Despite Maria’s purported “badmouthing” and “being over the situation,” she still had a deep attraction for my friend, which I could sense right off the bat. And what did she do?

Did she dismiss him? Did she insult him to his face? Did she treat him like a platonic orbiter?

No. She went home and had sex with him.

Despite what women say they want, or are led to believe about what they want, things have not changed. They still want the same things they valued 50 years ago, 200 years ago, and 2000 years ago. They want to share themselves with a man who is driven, who will take action, and who will lead them into a safe and happy tomorrow.

But along with the culture shift has come a very unfortunate catch-22 for the modern woman.

The Woman’s Dilemma

Yes, women want to have the same opportunities as men. And yes, women still want to be treated the same way in social interaction. And yes, women still want to be led by strong men with a sense of purpose who will allow them to give birth to strong boys who will develop a sense of purpose. So what is happening is that many women really want to have their cake and eat it too.

However, many women still just want to fill the traditional woman’s role. Many women recognize that women in western society are losing their desire to be graceful, to be mothers, and to be nurturers of men who want to be with them. Basically, they are becoming more and more distant from what men actually want.

women as equals

Men, biologically, want women who can raise their children and will support them in their efforts for conquest. They don't want women who also want to conquer for themselves at the expense of their family (or even having a family). Men see these types of women as fellow competitors – as enemies that must be eliminated or cooperated with in order to further the man’s success. And women, biologically, want someone who will care for them and protect their family. They don’t want someone who will compete with them or be ruthless with them.

So, from this standpoint, it can be said that women actually don’t want equality.

Yet, women like my good friend, who are trying to follow their biological imperative and actually be what men want – and what they themselves deep down know they want to be – end up feeling shunned or ostracized by a society that tells them that women who just want to raise a family or be feminine are simply trapped in the past.

The simple truth is that most women can’t live in the realm of men and still be good mothers and caregivers. Many care-driven women who try to strike this balance either end up leaving their job and happily staying at home to tend to their family, or they hire a nanny and have someone else fill the role of mother for their child while they remain in the sphere of men and compete for resources.

And the validity of what path women take is not my place to pass judgment on – to each her own. But what I am here to state is that men simply want women who embody the things that men are designed to value. And unfortunately, western women are diverging further and further from that ideal every day.

This is why so many men are leaving the West and making a mass exodus to places like Southeast Asia, South America, and Eastern Europe. These are the untouched bastions of the Earth where women continue to be gentle and feminine; where they know how to flirt with men, where they know how to have feminine grace, where they will speak to you because they are genuinely interested in the potential of an interaction rather than just using you for their own validation, and where they will almost never flake on you.

Treat Them Like Women

The social narrative would tell you that men don’t respect women, and that is why they have been oppressed for so long.

But at this point in time, just like any other point in time, there’s a small minority of men who don’t respect women, and a large majority of men who greatly respect women.

You should always respect women – regardless of if they are a stranger, a friend, or your girlfriend.

But you should not let the social narrative confuse you into thinking that you should become some sort of servant, orbiter, or overly nice guy to women.

Women respond to confidence and dominance because that’s what they actually value. Naturals have just stumbled upon this truth through many data points. PUAs have done it through a mixture of research, observation, and tons of field experience.

So do women want to be treated as equals? At a few things (like professional and educational opportunities): yes. At most other things: no. They want a man:

They want to be treated like women.

So do what men have been doing for millennia: give them what they want.

Carpe diem,


Colt WilliamsAbout the Author: Colt Williams

Raised in the American Midwest, Colt Williams made a name for himself in dating with a style based on soulful poetic seductions and playful dance floor antics. His style is all about inspiring girls and drawing them into one’s world. You can book phone coaching with him here, or get a copy of his guide to getting laid on Tinder, the product of months of study and experimentation by him on the medium.


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annonymous 's picture

I loved the article .. brilliant as always.
And the website is amazing and addictive.. but there is one thing..
The search bar doesn't take where you need to go.. you search different words and you get the same results.. i suggest you add SEARCH BY TOPIC NAME .. not just by TOPIC CONTENT &.TAGS & BY WRITER'S NAME..
Once again thanks for the amaizing articles..

Colt Williams's picture


Thanks for the heads up. And I've noticed that as well. I'll pass the tip along to the powers that be.


Anonymous's picture

Good stuff Chase, but ive found that your idea or how sex drive changes with age is incorrect!! JUst ONE example of many!! My last girl[48], had the biggest sex drive ive ever come across in a non nympho!! She got hot ANYTIME, anywhere, and went off much more than any 30 year old ive had:/ Scream the house down, and be shaking and unable to move for minutes!! Not knocking it,lol..So EASY too:) Ive had post menopausal women, nearly as good! I think it comes down to the individual, with maybe as a generelization that it lowers a bit , or a lot with age. Find the rift one, she puts a 25 year old to shame:).....zacc...PS, spose i should say, shes the best looking 48 year old ive ever seen, looks decades younger..spanish, must be genetic:/

Alcaeus's picture

Honest read Colt,

Like your friend mentioned, many girls have been misguided in how they should act to get what they want on a romantic level. I speculate that there might be a link between this misguided independence and an upward trend in the amount of cluster B women. It's because of the way they put up all this resistance and then vehemently hate the world when the man leaves because she was competing for power in the relationship.

No man likes to wear the skirt in a relationship. And if the girl doesn't get bored of him and leave from his nice guy like behavior, the man usually leaves out of a sense of awkwardness and pressure from his friends who tell him he is in an unhealthy relationship if he is fortunate to have friends like that.

Yes Colt, it is a sad epidemic and I feel it has a few more years, if not a couple decades before the majority of women begin to align themselves with their biological wiring, but until then, the amount of nice guys will continue to rise.

The select few men, who have stumbled upon resources and reference points of dominance are definitely in a market of their own. I want to say that dominance and confidence in the social arena are like your bones and muscles when it comes to girls in the States. A girl I met at a social function was so heavily awarded with accolades that I was initially intimidated by her, but after accepting the challenge, running some tight game with purely fundamentals and a couple solid chase frames I had her melting for me. The other guys who she spoke to at the event were shaking in their boots as she spoke down to them with me on the sideline looking in through a looking glass at the social dynamic. It was very enlightening.

That just goes to show that these girls only let a select few men take on the responsibility of attending to her innate needs that you mentioned a few of in the last paragraph. While these unfortunate other men are relegated to another less than ideal fate in her mind.

Thanks for another mindset post, Colt

Definitely helped organize thoughts I had fiddled with around in my head.

Colt Williams's picture


There were definitely some poignant thoughts in your comment, I really appreciate you sharing them. Men definitely want to align themselves with the way things should be. And even women want to as well. It's strange to think about who actually dictates social trends, but I feel that the majority of people don't actually want to follow them. But I'm glad that you were able to have an important moment of clarity.

All the best,


Furry Wall's picture

This article got me thinking, why is it so important for women to tell you about how she wants a nice guy when in reality she wants a dominant male. There has to be women out there that don't mind telling the truth. Plus why is it it's always stated on this site not to follow societies dating advice. Why is society so dead set at giving the wrong advice when the complete opposite is true ? There have to be women out there looking for a nice guy.

I can tell you from personal experience being a supplicating nice guy backfired on me many times so I stopped being one. Yet when I tried to be the opposite it led simply to nothing, where women did not attempt to use me but also did not become more interested either. So I am kinda in neutral now, women don't use me but also do not show more interest either.

Colt Williams's picture


When women say they want a "nice guy" they don't actually mean a nice guy in the way that men think about nice guys. They want a strong man who will also treat them well.

And did you actually try to push the envelope when you tried to interact with these girls? You can't *only* just be confident, you also have to make things happen. Read Chase's post on being an asshole if you haven't:



dcl's picture

Wonderful writing Colt, thanks.
I have read other articles that are sort of similar to this one.
There may be a shift in gender equality in the coming decade, in terms of men's and women's values and what the really want.
Thanks again, Cheers.

Colt Williams's picture


I think there will definitely be a culture shift that comes about. It will be interesting to see where things head. Cheers for your comment!


Carpe_DM's picture

I agree and I disagree. I do think that's generally how women want to be treated, but in the modern world I also want my woman to be more of an equal partner than a homemaker. By having a woman who's financially successful, a vast array of lifestyle opportunities becomes young.

It just doesn't sound appealing to me to have her at home raising kids and making dinner while I have to provide all the resources for 3+ people. Maybe I'm different in having never really been all that interested in kids though.

Colt Williams's picture


I agree with you. I think that the idea of a "traditional" wife isn't for all men. I think that a woman should fit any role that you want her fit in. My only issue is when women start to act like men and lose their femininity because they feel that they are forced to. But good points and I'm definitely right there with you!


Anonymous's picture

Hello, Colt
What about being "same"? Like that "we have so much in common" things. From my point of view I would like to have a girl that likes to exercise and keep herself in shape. Positive attitude towards any physical activity. Does it work for girls too? I mean we hear that line everywhere.

blogster's picture

Although unfortunately it makes true commitment difficult in this current environment even if you would like it. In the meta-environment, divorce and custody laws are clearly on women's side, the media is very pro-female and PC and men are fearful of acting in anyway in public situations lest they be accused of being 'sexist' or 'misogynist'.

In short, it is great for being in the 'lover' category Chase advocates, but not for the bigger picture of society. Sad.

anonymous's picture

i found that this article very informative. I just wanted to mention a couple points to think about as well.
Women feel the need to separate themselves from men because they feel afraid and intimidated. For example, cat calling, rape (I understand this happens to men as well, but women are the majority in that sense) and other things being treated as normalcy.
One of my coworkers, was harassed by another man in the firm, and when she confronted our boss, he told her to just deal with it, as there was no way it could be avoided.
It eventually drove her to pursue a different job in another firm. Women are afraid of men, and really enjoy having a male who listens to them, rather than fear what they will do or say. My coworker's harassment could have been avoided, but because it was 'normal', no one did anything.
so, always, ALWAYS as you said, respect women. Don't be like that d-bag i mentioned.

LadyRaptor's picture

While I enjoyed your article, I think that maybe everyone is overcomplicating some parts of these issues and glossing over those parts that really need more nuance and credentials to understand (i.e. physiology).

First off, as a dominant woman, you're right. A supplicating simpering man does nothing for me. YAWN... Boring.

That being said, finding a man that is remotely an equal to myself throughout the course and scope of my career and personal life has been more than challenging and usually ended up frustrating, at best.

Some myths that I saw in your article are:

1. Women's libido decreases in their forties. This is a complicated issue. Speaking from personal experience, when I'm in a constant push and pull with my husband (and he's not taking us anywhere in life that any of us, including himself, wanted to be), I'm dealing with the bulk of the duties surrounding raising our children, I've built and continue to build a business from my home that averages more than 7 times my husband's income per year (he is making roughly $250/year), and I've got the same BS sex every night... Uhhh, yeah... I pushed away from the table. I pushed away from the table a LOT.

At the beginning of this year my husband and I separated for four months and I found myself again.

We were still together all the time. I didn't go out with other men (not that I wasn't asked), but I found myself. That person that got lost. That person that my husband thought he needed to change and I, stupidly, accommodated.

I made the changes. He liked this new world better than the one he created. He asked to come back. He came back on my terms.

We were more open about our sexual wants and have sex more than we ever did.

We are considering having outside partners in the bedroom.

I am absolutely the dominant one when it comes to this area of our life.

When things were boring, I had NO desire to have sex. It was a dead-end.

What I've learned from our time apart was that, the more pleasure I got from having sex (i.e. the female big "O"), the more I wanted to have sex. (It's a hormonal thing...)

So, if you're finding yourself in a marriage where the sex is becoming more and more infrequent... Take a look and see if it has become routine. Even if it is a freaky routine, doing the same thing night after night after night after night can become more than mundane.

Mix it up and live a little...

2. You have much discussion about biology in your narrative.

If you read any of Dawkin's work, you will find that our genetic predisposition is at odds with itself.

On the one hand, you are naturally drawn to strong genes to add to your own gene pool, and therefore, guarantee your genetic success in generations to come, BUT, a dominant woman (I believe you dubbed these women as "competition") do not offer the man's progeny a traditional maternal cushion with which to be raised. (Possibly sullying the generations' ability to become adults.)

This is a particularly vexing issue for both genders. (One that I, myself, had to deal with and started my company from my home because I couldn't be there for my kids, work around the world 3 weeks a month, and I was sick of having our 3 nannies know more about my babies than I did.)

The worst part in all of this for a man is this: a STRONG and FIERCE woman offers the best pairing of genetic traits for your offspring.

And there's the rub.

Are these Amazon women competition? Or are the men that fancy themselves as the competition afraid that they will lose? Did it occur to either of them that they aren't there to compete, but to be on the same team?? Each party can be just as viable as the other, without doing the other's job?

These are just some thoughts that I must now leave on the table and get back to work.

Men... Women don't bite, unless you get lucky. ;)

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